(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)

Warning: The following review is rated M for non-explicit suggestive adult themes. It is not recommended for children under the age of 16. If you do not wish to read ahead, please consider skipping to another review.

Magolor's Coffeehouse

Episode 01: Roll's Night Out by SnowCalico

TinyURL: yxv5anln

Magolor sat at his favorite spot at the Kirby Café, taking a sip of his coffee before starting his review. "Greetings, dear viewer," he said at last. "My name is Magolor, and welcome to Magolor's Coffeehouse."

He set his cup of coffee down and picked up a book from the table.

"This is a little show where I review Fanfiction. And since this is my first review, I figure it only seems right that I review a first for : a little story called Roll's Night Out!"

Roll's Night Out

By: SnowCalico

Mega Man's sister, Roll, decides to go out to the bar for a drink. Unfortunately, its a singles bar jam packed with retired Wiley robots.

"I'm not a big fan of the Mega Man franchise, but this story really caught my attention. It's a short story, so I could crank out a review of it really quickly. Plus, the clichéd 'girl walks into a bar' scenario is made even weirder with the use of the Robot Masters. With their unique abilities and equally unique personalities, there's plenty of potential for this story. Also, like I said earlier, it's the first Mega Man Fanfiction to be uploaded onto ."

"So let's get this review started, shall we?" Magolor beamed. "This is Roll's Night Out!"

"We start this literary journey with a bit of introduction…"

Roll (Mega Man's sister, a maid robot) decided she needed a break from all the stress of keeping up after Dr. Light's labratory. As of late the Doctor had been trying to jazz up his life, and for 3 weeks had created nothing but Slut Bots out of the remains of the Spice Girls and Cameron Diaz. She approached the "Bolt Club", hoping they had Super Unleaded on the rocks.

"Woah, wait, back up!" Magolor shouted in confusion. "'the remains of the Spice Girls and Cameron Diaz?' Is that supposed to mean he made these robotic blow-up dolls out of dead corpses?! That's disgusting, and that's coming from me!"

Inside the club, Dr. Wiley's retired bots sat getting drunk on Bloody Texacos and Getty Dacquiris just like every night since they'd been fired. Recalling how they "almost" defeated the "little blue asshole" and how it was always someone elses fault. Just then, Bubble Man (an outcast due to his obvious wussiness) saw a rare thing approaching the club... a FEMALE robot!

"Hey look guys! It's Mega Man's hot sister!" he screeched, a few bubbles exploding from his face

"Shut up Bubblebutt." the crowd snorted, as they always did. Nobody listened to Bubble Man.

Magolor tried his hardest to think of something to say, but all he could come up with was a weak and emotionless "Ouch."

"So as you might have guessed, the Robot Masters all start hitting on our poor Roll. Bubble Man has the unfortunate luck of going first."

"Pardon ME miss." Bubble Man cleared his voice synthesizer "I'd like to buy you a drink!"

"You're Bubble Man aren't you?" she asked

"Um... yeah!"

"Ew! Get lost! Wuss!" Roll hissed, blasting Bubble Man through the ceiling with her arm cannon.

Magolor was about to say something, until he heard a voice coming from somewhere else in the café:

"Excuse me!" it exclaimed. "If I could say something real quick…"

The voice revealed itself to be a girl wearing the kind of clothes that a witch from some anime would wear. Her hair was only on the front of her head, coming down her forehead in a singular tuft. Needless to say, she looked like an onion.

"Roll is not supposed to have a buster," she continued, taking a seat next to Magolor, " or an 'arm cannon,' as you so drolly put it. She was not built for the same tasks as Mega Man. She is a maid robot, and nothing else!"

"Gryll, what are you doing here?!" Magolor screamed, getting out of his chair. Realizing the need for introductions, he turned to the camera and said, "Uh, viewers, this is my buddy, Gryll."

"Hello!" Gryll said, waving to the camera.

With that out of the way, he turned back to Gryll and said again, in a much calmer tone, "So, what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were reviewing a Mega Man story, so I thought I would help you out."

"So… I take it you are a Mega Man fan?"

"Oh, yeah! I'm a huge fan!"

Magolor leaned back and stroked his chin, thinking about the situation for a moment. "Alright, cool," he said at last. "It'd be nice to hear this story from the perspective of a fan of the franchise."

"Great! Now let's continue the review!" Gryll said with a giddy smile on her face. "So after Bubble Man's epic fail to sweep Roll of her feet, Snake Man decides to try his luck.

"Sssssay baby, howssss about you and me go ssssomewhere quiet and play with my tail." he boldly suggested

Roll turned around and her eyes bulged out "AAHH! SNAKE! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!" with that she took out her broom and beat Snake Man to death. Once she was sure he was dead and not a threat to her, she ordered her drink.

"FATALITY!" Magolor boomed in his announcer voice.

"All jokes aside, though," Gryll chimed in, "if I were Roll in this situation, Iwould probably do the same thing."

"Same here," Magolor added. "I mean, walking up to a girl out of nowhere andasking her to play with your 'tail?' You just don't do that."

"Bill Cosby would," Gryll suggested.

"Yeah, but not before putting roofies in the girl's drink."

"Anyway," Magolor began, clearing his throat, "next we catch up with Wood Man and Hard Man. Boy, do those names get you in the mood."

"Well, I say we bombard her with MILLIONS of leaves!" Wood Man smiled

"Thats what you always say retard." Hard Man huffed "You're the reason we got thrown out of Friendly's."

"Ah, yes," Magolor started, with a huge smile plastered on his face, "the good ol' Noodle Incident. It's always fun to guess what actually happened instead of them telling you. That just makes it even more funny." With that, Magolor's face of positivity was quickly replaced with one of contempt. "Well, guess what? You don't see me laughing, do you?! That's because some people actually want you to tell them what happened!" YOU DON'T JUST THROW US SOMETHING FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND NEVER EXPLAIN IT! THAT'S LAZY!"

There was a long stretch of awkwardness as Magolor breathed heavily, trying to calm himself down, and Gryll staring at him uncomfortably. "I gotta get some air," he said at last, getting up from his chair and walking off-screen. "You continue the review while I'm gone."

"Okay…" Gryll muttered after several seconds of silence. "I guess we'll just move on, then."

"So after a brief encounter with Metal Man—trust me, it's not important—Pharaoh Man comes by to woo over Roll with his charm."

"Bonjour, mon cherie!" Pharoah man crooned "May I... offer you a dance?"

Roll scoffed "You're Egyptian... why are you speaking in a French accent?"

Pharoah blinked twice and said "Konnichiwa Roll-chan-"

"Now you're speaking Japanese."

"Hola-"

"Spanish."

"Ello-hay"

"PIG LATIN! Are you really even Egyptian?"

"No... actually I'm Canadian." Pharoah man weakly replied

"Ok. Get away from me now." Roll replied

Pharoah Man ran away crying like a little girl with his Labbat Blue in hand.

"As funny as this fail was, I have to ask: Has this guy ever played a Mega Man game before? Sure, I get it, this is supposed to be a crack fic, that's fine, but anyone who played Mega Man 4 would know that Pharaoh Man is technically Russian, having been built by Dr. Cossack, an obviously Russian name. Could you at least let us know if you understand the source material, please?"

"Well, now that my rant is over, let's get back into it. So now we see Fire Man getting in on the action…"

At the bar two stools down, Guts Man (after chugging down his SlimFast, he'd had to gain 200 pounds for his job and had been desperatley trying to lose it ever since) was prodding Fire Man to try his luck. It was agreed his was the handsomest of the old timers. Fire Man just laughed nervously and looked longinly over at Heat Man. They'd been lovers for years, but nobody ever guessed they were flaming homosexuals.

Gryll's happy demeanor quickly vanished. "Okay, I'm not having fun anymore. Please stop."

As Guts Man continued to poke, Fire Man got more and more pissed off. Finally he jumped up onto the counter and screamed "I'M GAY! I'M IN LOVE WITH HEAT MAN... AND I'M PROUD!"

Heat Man began to cry tears of joy "Oh Firey... I'm so HAPPY!"

Fire Man leaped from the counter and pulled the ring off of Ring Man's head (causing him to die). With that Fire Man picked up Heat Man and whisked him away to a night of binary passion.

"Hey, Gryll," Magolor started, returning from his cooldown, "I'm back! How's the review going—" Before he got to say anything else, he was stopped by the sight of Gryll slouched back in her chair, her eyes glazed over, as if all of her life force had been drained from her body.

"Gryll… are you okay?" he asked, slowly approaching her. He passed his hand over Gryll's face a few times to see if he could get a reaction. Suddenly, she slammed her head onto the table, buried her face in her arms, and began sobbing.

"Why are we still here?" she said through intermittent sobs. "Just to suffer? Every night, I can feel my leg... And my arm... even my fingers... The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting... It's like they're all still there." Gryll looked up toward Magolor with a pleading look in her eyes. "You feel it, too, don't you?"

Magolor had a confused, almost concerned look on his face. He shifted his eyes back and forth, checking if anyone was looking. He wanted to say something comforting, but he ended up saying "Gryll, you're not making any sense."

"Well, neither is this story!" Gryll shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the book.

"Oh, come on," Magolor uttered assuredly, "it can't be that bad."

Gryll handed him the book, and he flipped through the pages to where the bookmark is placed. He read a small portion of what was on the page before turning white and dropping the book onto the floor.

"Sweet Nova, it is that bad."

Roll was starting to feel that coming here was a bad idea,—

"Oh, really?" Magolor blurted. "What gave you that idea?"

—when Sting Chameleon showed up and started talking about how great oral sex was and flexing his tongue.

"I'm not into beastiality." Roll informed him

With that comment, Spark Mandrill, Chill Penguin and Storm Eagle all left, looking very dissapointed.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and ask the obvious question here," Magolor deadpanned, moving his gaze over to his friend, still hunched over the table:

"Gryll, who are they?"

"Oh! Uh, they're Mavericks," she answered.

Magolor twirled his hand, which Gryll took to mean that he needed her to elaborate.

"They're, uh, characters from the Mega Man X games," she explained.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, which I'm certain that I am not, but aren't the X games different from the regular games?"

"Yes."

For a few seconds, no one said anything, until Magolor asked what everyone was thinking: "So why are they here?"

"Because some people don't know to do research," Gryll replied with a note of irritation in her voice.

"Anyway," Magolor began, not wanting to go too off-task, "Roll has finally had enough for one night and decides to just go home."

Then all the bots did something they hadn't done in years, they got off their lazy asses and used their powers to try and stop Roll. Wind Man turned on his his fans, Magnet Man tried to keep a grip on her, Ice Man tried to freeze her and Skull Man tried to make her vomit by looking at his face.

"Woah, an action sequence?" Gryll said, back to sitting up straight, a glimmer of hope flashing in her eyes. "Maybe there is some hope for this story."

To no avail however, seeing as the bots were morons. Wind Man blew everyone into the bathroom, Magnet Man had 2 tons of silverware and pacemakers stuck to his head, Ice Man wasn't wearing his glasses and froze a dish of flan, and Skull Man started having his visions of being the bastard child of Skeletor. Roll did a double back flip over the mess and escaped.

"Ugh, this story is awful!" Gryll exclaimed, covering her face with her hands in exhaustion and disappointment. "Please tell me it's over soon."

"Don't worry," assured Magolor. "We're almost there."

"So, as Roll is heading home, she stops and notices something…"

As she came closer to home, Roll heard a familar and plesant sound. The whirr of a vacuum cleaner! It was then she saw Dust Man, who due to an obsessive complusive disorder, felt the need to irradicate dust completely. She fell in love, someone who was as anal retentive about house cleaning as she!

"You see, Gryll," Magolor began, "that's what you should learn from a story like this: that no matter how horrible or disappointing or just plain stupid something is, something good can always be taken from it. Every dark cloud in the sky has a glimmer of light shining on it. Remember that, and the world can be a great and wonderful—"

The two fell madly in love, but were run over by Dr. Light's car a few minutes later, and recycled into "Big Tits Man."

The End

"Yeah, never mind. The world is awful, no matter how you look at it."

"I am incredibly disappointed in whoever made this," Gryll began. "Not only does it desecrate the Mega Man name, it has the nerve to label itself as a joke! The story was barely researched, if not researched at all. I can't believe I let myself waste my time reading this stinker!"

Magolor, acting strangely quiet, finally chimed in: "I kinda liked it." Gryll, feeling like her best friend had betrayed her, lunged forward and tried to throttle him. However, Magolor used his magic to pin Gryll to her chair. "Just hear me out," he told her.

"While I agree that the story has many errors, and its faithfulness to the source material is questionable, it still follows the cardinal rule of Fanfiction: it must entertain. I say it passed in that aspect; it has a decently written story, an incredible amount of jokes, and it kept me interested in what was going on until the very end. That's the beauty of crack fics, in my opinion. They may be clunky and stupid overall, but when you get down to it, they're usually some of the best Fanfictions out there. Even if you aren't a fan of the Mega Man series, you're sure to get a kick out of this story."

"Well," said Magolor, clapping his hands together, "that's all for today. I'll see you next time on Magolor's Coffeehouse!" He turned off his camera, ending his review.

"So, now that we're done here, wanna go bother Adeleine a bit?" he asked Gryll.

Gryll thought for a moment and replied, "Sure, why not?"

The End

Performed by Magolor and Gryll

Special Thanks

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Capcom

Kojima Productions

Konami

HAL Laboratory

Quote of the Week: "Shut up, Bubblebutt."

Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author.