Faking It Chapter 8: All These Things That I've Done, a twilight fanfic

So it's time for some post-date analysis from our two not-so-quite lovebirds. How do you think it went?

Thanks for the reviews, as always. Everybody really seemed to like the citrus-y goodness from the last chapter. Now people will actually talk for a little bit, but I'm hoping you'll review just the same.

Disclaimer: Twilight's not mine.

BPOV

When I arrived at Sound Design Studios, where we were recording the album, it was so early that it was still nearly deserted. As a rule, we kept much earlier hours than your average rock band and always had. The security guard, John, was at the front desk, but otherwise the building was mostly empty.

I greeted John and headed down the long hall to our studio. It was too early for either Butch, our producer, or Kyle, the sound engineer to be in yet, so the sound booth was empty and dark. I passed through it and into the studio itself. It was scattered with our instruments and equipment, all dark and shut off. The walls were dark with the foam soundproofing covering every surface. The studio had some homey touches added, which was nice since we spent so much time here. There were a couple of worn Persian rugs scattered over the bare concrete floor and there was a sagging, squishy couch in one corner.

That's where Rose sat, waiting for me. She had managed to ditch Emmett for a while by sending him out for coffee and bagels. It was at least half an hour before anyone else was due in, so we had plenty of privacy.

She folded her impossibly long legs underneath her and turned to face me as I came in. She was "dressed down" today, in no makeup and her golden hair in a high ponytail, wearing ordinary jeans and a white t shirt and she still looked unreal.

"So" she began as soon as I walked in the door, "tell me everything."

"Jasper might be in love."

That caught her off guard. I knew what I was doing, distracting Rose to put off talking about me. I knew I would have to eventually, just not quite yet.

"What? What do you mean he's in love?"

"Just watch his face today when I mention Alice."

"Who is Alice?"

"Edward's sister."

"How did Jasper meet Edward's sister?"

"He stopped by my house yesterday while I was getting ready and she was there."

"What was she doing at your house?"

"She came over to help me get ready and to drive me over to Edward's," I shook my head and waved my hands in front of me. "It sounds a lot weirder than it was."

"Good, because it sounds pretty weird."

"She is a little crazy, but she's great. I think you'll like her. You should have seen Jasper. He looked like somebody hit him with a shovel."

"Really?"

"Seriously, Rose. It was like in a movie, with little hearts circling their heads and their eyes going all starry and birds singing and shit. I've never seen anything like it. I had to leave the room."

"And he just met her?"

"Yup. They were complete strangers. Although I suspect that won't be the case for long."

"Wait," Rose barked, pointing her finger at me, "We're getting distracted. What about you? What happened last night? What are you trying to hide?"

I closed my eyes and sighed before falling onto the sofa heavily beside her.

"Ugh, Rose, it was awful!"

"Awful in what way?"

"He was mostly a jerk. A total ass. He was so angry at having to be there. It was really uncomfortable. I mean, I wasn't thrilled either, but I was at least willing to try and be civil. But he was rude and bored and arrogant. And then…." I trailed off, not sure how to explain the other things that happened, although I knew I'd have to.

There was no fooling Rose, though. She knew my face too well.

"What happened? Did he touch you?"

"Yes."

"What did he do?" Her teeth were clenched.

"It wasn't that big of a deal. At least not at first. There was a reporter in the restaurant, so Edward wanted to pretend to make out. And at first it was...just pretend. It was even kind of funny. But then…I don't know. Something changed. And then he was kissing my neck and…" I could feel the fierce blush flooding my face up to my hairline.

"Then it wasn't pretend anymore?" she asked softly.

I shook my head, my eyes squeezed shut. Just talking about it made it all come back, his lips on my neck, his tongue tasting the hollow of my throat…the memory was making my heart race and I hated my weakness.

Then I took a deep breath because I hadn't even told her the really bad part yet.

"But we got past that. I made him stop and he did and we got back to dinner. But then, after dinner when were walking to the car…"

"It happened again??"

"Worse." Or better, I thought…depending on your point of view. "There was a photographer hiding in the parking lot, and I think Edward just wanted to give him a show. So he kissed me."

Rose let it hang there a minute, waiting for me to expound, only I didn't know what to say. Finally she prompted me.

"And…?"

"Oh, God, Rose…" I flopped back on the couch and let my head fall back, staring at the ceiling. The memory, and the heat, was flooding my system. I fought to control my breathing and calm myself down.

"That good?"

"No one has ever, ever made me feel like that," I moaned, blushing again. I hated that my body always gave me away like that.

"Not Jake in all that time you two were..?"

I looked over at her and shook my head, "Don't get me wrong, it was nice with Jake. Great, in fact. But this was…so beyond. And it was just a kiss…."

"Ah, poor Jake. And poor you. This is complicated."

I nodded my head, "Very complicated."

Her eyes snapped up to me. She could hear the guilt in my voice. She knew what I was torturing myself about.

"Did you kiss him back?" she asked accusingly.

I couldn't even answer, I just shut my eyes tight and nodded.

"I couldn't help it," I finally managed to whisper.

"Well, that makes it harder. Maybe you should pull out. I don't want you to be hurt. I saw the way he was looking at you that first night you met him in the club and I was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself."

"Come on, Rose. It's not all on him. I didn't exactly beat him away. And besides, I don't even know if we're on anymore. We got in a fight in the car right after that…because of that. He said some awful things and I got pissed and said some awful things back and we didn't really talk the rest of the way home. He might be done with me. And what I said to him…well, I don't think he'll touch me again. Which is good. But it sucks a little bit, too. You know?"

"Yeah, I know." Then she laughed and shook her head slowly. "Only you, Bella."

"What?"

"Only you could get into a fight with Edward Cullen, International Movie Star and Sex God, because he kissed you, when every other woman on the planet would be begging him for it."

"Yeah, well, that's why I fought with him. To keep myself from begging for it."

I thanked God for Rose. That I had someone I could be so brutally honest with. It felt good to confess what I was feeling to somebody, and I knew she wouldn't judge me at all, even though I'd acted stupidly and engaged in completely inappropriate behavior with a total jerk.

"So, now what?" she asked.

"I just want to sing. I don't know what's happening next and right now I really don't care. I just want to forget for now."

"Okay. Then we'll forget."

My phone rang. Alice's name popped up in the caller id. How did she program her info into my phone? When did she manage that? And God only knew how she got my number.

"Hi Alice," I tried to keep my voice light, not knowing what, if anything, Edward had said to her. Rose perked up, watching me carefully.

"Hi, Bella! So can I steal you to come shopping with me today?" She was preternaturally chirpy, so I guessed Edward didn't say anything yet.

"Well, we're scheduled in the studio today until 3. We could go after that, I suppose, if you really want to."

"Yes, I do! Why don't I come and pick you up and we'll go from there?"

I agreed, knowing that another reason she wanted to come get me was that Jasper would be here. I gave her the address.

"Listen, Bella," Alice said intently, "Is Rosalie there?"

What the fuck? How did she even know who Rose was? But then again, I didn't put anything past this girl.

"Yeah, she's right here." I looked at Rose and her eyes bored into me.

"Will you ask her to come, too?"

"Um, okay." I put the phone to my shoulder, "Rose, Alice is taking me shopping this afternoon and she wants you to come."

Rose's face was a mask of intense consideration as she took a beat to think.

"Yes, I'll come."

"Okay, Alice. She'll come."

"Great!" she squealed with delight. "I'll see you this afternoon!"

And she was off like a shot. That was…fierce. I could feel Rose and Alice sizing each other up through me and the phone. Now I really hoped they liked each other!

Emmett burst into the studio moments later, weighed down with coffees and food and I welcomed the distraction.

"Why the fuck are we booked for a 9 am recording slot?" he wailed. "I mean, I know we used to take the early slots in Seattle, but that's because they were cheap and we were broke. Why do we have to do it so early now?"

"Because," Jasper replied as he let himself into the studio behind Emmett, "We work better in the morning. Maybe it's all those years of practice. But we'll just fuck around and waste time if we start later."

Emmett grumbled some more but consoled himself with a bagel.

"What are we working on today?" I asked.

Jasper hooked a thumb at the control booth on the other side of the window. "I was just talking it through with Butch and I'd like to spend a little time working out something new I wrote."

I threw a wave through the glass window at our producer, Butch, who I hadn't seen come in, as I took the sheet music Jasper handed me. It wasn't familiar to me.

"What's this, Jazz? When did you do this?"

"Um, well," he was rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, "I got it on paper yesterday."

I shot him a look and a smirk.

"Yesterday, huh? You must have been…inspired."

"Shut up, Swan. I wrote a song. Are you going to sing it or what?"

"Okay, okay. Let's get to work then"

EPOV

I woke up late, to the sound of Alice's voice calling me. For once I wasn't hung over, just exhausted. The whole night with Bella had kept eating at me, making sleep impossible to find. I had tossed and turned all night, finally giving up and watching some lame old late movie on t.v. until I dropped off to sleep near dawn.

I knew I'd pretty much acted like a dick right from the start. I'd known it while I was doing it. But at the time I'd reasoned that she didn't deserve any special treatment from me since she was just as ruthless, just as mercenary as every other grubbing, social climbing little starlet in this town. It's how I convinced myself it was okay to paw her like that at our table. And it was how I reasoned that she'd be okay with me kissing her in the parking lot. After all, it was all for attention, right? And she must want that if she was there with me.

I was pretty much lying to myself, though. Mostly I just really wanted to kiss her, pin her against something, claim her. Ever since my lips made contact with her skin I'd been wildly aroused, completely distracted, wanting a lot more. All that stuff about putting on a show for the photographer in the bushes was me just rationalizing what I really wanted to do, which was fuck her.

And then she got pissed, and I got defensive and sarcastic. Then she'd laid into me about how she wasn't one of those girls and her reasons for being there were all noble and shit, she was just doing it for her band, for the music, taking one for the team. Every word of it was true, I could tell. That was when I started to feel just a little bit bad about what I'd done, which was entirely new territory for me.

I sat up all night wrestling with this gnawing, unfamiliar feeling of guilt, this feeling I couldn't escape that I'd done something wrong, which I didn't like.

The tricky part, though, was that I knew she wanted me, too. I didn't imagine what happened by the car. Sure I started it, but she was giving as good as she got. It wasn't like I forced myself on her and assaulted her. Okay, maybe I forced myself on her a little…but she liked it. But I still felt bad about it, which was weird. I guess it was because she was determined to ignore whatever had flared up between us and I pushed her anyway. Then I gave her a hard time for it, and I sort of insulted her.

And back to what had flared up between us…What. The. Fuck. Was. That? I had more than my share of experience with women. In fact, that was a laughable understatement. But I had no frame of reference for what happened last night. That electricity every time I touched her, the way my mind went completely blank when I kissed her and some sort of crazy instinct took over and swamped my senses, it was overwhelming. That kiss shook me to the core…and it was just a kiss. We kept all our clothes on and the only parts of her my hands touched was her shoulders and her hair but that currently ranked as one of the hottest sexual experiences of my life. How fucked up was that? Even now, twelve hours later, I could still taste her on my tongue, feel her under my hands, feel her hands gripping my hair….Fuck. Now I'm hard...

I wondered if it felt that intense for her, too and remembering her responses, the sounds she made, the way she hung on to me, I thought that maybe it had. So if there was this immense, sexually charged thing between us, unlike anything I'd ever felt before, how could I be expected not to act on it? Because, idiot, this situation we're in is complicated, and that would just make it infinitely more so. That was something she seemed to understand and I was too boneheaded to acknowledge. Unlike me, she was able to act based on common sense, to do what was right and not be a slave to her sexual urges. And now I felt like a total dickhead, since she was being mature and making responsible choices and I was…not.

Man, I really hated feeling so bad about myself.

I heard Alice calling my name again and I groaned and buried my face in the pillow, trying to avoid her for another few minutes. Why the fuck was she even here? She had her own place, supposedly, but she was almost never there, preferring to torment me instead. Truthfully though, I was sort of glad for her constant presence in my life. It was one of the only things in my life that still felt healthy and good.

"Edward?" She was in my room now.

I pulled my head free of the covers and opened one eye a slit to see her.

"What do you want, Alice?"

"How did it go last night?"

"Don't ask."

"Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh is right."

"What did you do?"

I picked my head up off the pillow and fixed her with both eyes. "Why is it you automatically assume it was me who fucked up?"

She cocked her head to the side and smiled indulgently at me.

"Edward…come on."

I groaned and flopped back down. "Alright. I fucked up."

"Tell me."

"Alice, this is sort of private."

"Whatever you did, pictures of it are probably all over the internet by now, so you might as well spit it out."

I flopped over on my back and sighed, staring at the ceiling.

"I sort of…attacked her…twice. And then when she got mad and called me on it I got…mean. And I insulted her. I might have insinuated that she was a fame-chasing whore."

Alice winced. She lowered herself to sit on the bed next to me and reached out to stroke my hand absently.

"Edward," she said softly, "you know that you're broken, right?"

Well, fuck. Ouch. As if I didn't feel crappy enough. When your adored baby sister, who's viewed you her whole life with nothing but hero worship looks at you with that pitying expression on her face and tells you that you're broken, then you know you've hit rock bottom.

I dragged my hands through my hair roughly and scrubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"But Edward," she amended quickly, "You weren't always broken! I know the good is still there in you! And we can fix you! You can fix you. You just have to try. This…situation…you're in with Bella, maybe it is exactly what you need. Laurent wants you to look like you've reformed. So reform already! Don't just act like you have! Do it!"

I sighed deeply. She was right. I knew she was right. But I felt so lost. And helpless. And overwhelmed.

"Alice," I said softly, "I don't even know what to do anymore."

"You can't fix everything all at once, so don't try. Pick one thing and focus on that. Fix things with Bella. Do that first."

"Any ideas on how I do that, munchkin?"

"I'm picking her up this afternoon to go shopping. Come with me. Talk to her. Apologize and start over."

"You're going shopping with her?" I raised an eyebrow at her. How did this happen?

"Yeah," Alice said, a tad defensively. "I like her. A lot. And she needs some clothes. For a beautiful girl, she's really clueless about fashion. She needs me."

"She's fallen into the clutches of the crazed fashion-obsessed munchkin! She's doomed!" I joked as I reached out and ruffled her hair.

Alice screeched and slapped my hands away and I laughed, the heavy mood broken for the moment. I felt better that at least I had a plan. Now I just needed to figure out what the hell I was going to say.