Faking It Chapter 11: Deeper Understanding, a twilight fanfic

Thanks a million for all the reviews. You've all had such nice things to say and I appreciate every one.

So more date night goodness. This one wound up being pretty long, so you'll get it in two parts. Bella gets to talk first.

Disclaimer: Twilight's not mine.

BPOV

I shoved at the massive pile of clothes on my bed and sighed. Alice had them delivered earlier today and when they asked where to put them, I unthinkingly said "Throw them on the bed", not quite understanding what was coming. And now there was this enormous mountain of designer clothes to deal with. Maybe I could just sleep on the couch tonight and deal with it tomorrow.

Except that I had to dig something out of this pile to wear tonight. Because I had a date with Edward. I pointedly tried to ignore the butterflies that sprang up in my stomach at the thought of him. Christ, I was hopeless. Every time I thought back to that moment at the ballpark last week, when he held our entwined hands against his chest while he tucked my hair behind my ear, my spine turned to liquid.

This was so very bad. Why did he have to start being so…amazing? Considerate, nice, funny…it was so much easier to resist him when he was a bastard. But since the thing at the car had happened when he was being a bastard, apparently he wasn't all that easy to resist then either. I was going to have to get a handle on this. I could not fall for him. That would be a disaster. It was bad enough that for a moment I'd entertained the idea of sleeping with him. Okay, let's face it, I was still entertaining the idea. Or maybe fantasizing was a better word. That's a bad enough idea. Getting all warm and fuzzy about him…terrible idea. Maybe the Jerk Edward would show up tonight and make it easy for me. Well, easier. After all, Jerk Edward looked just like Amazing Edward, minus the toe-curling smiles and considerate touches.

We hadn't had a one-on-one date since the ballgame, although he had come along with the band to a television studio for an interview we'd done a few days ago. Laurent thought it would make him look devoted and attentive to trail along after me to one of my things. There were no more open conversations between us, like at the ballgame, because we weren't really alone much, but he had still been on good behavior. He drove me over and hung out in the greenroom until we were finished, then drove me home. We'd chatted about our press agents and the media, but nothing deep as the drive wasn't very long. But he'd been friendly and polite, and didn't seem at all put out by having to play second fiddle to me, which surprised me a little.

Since the ballpark, I'd been dwelling on the snippets of information he'd shared about his early life. Pre-med? That blew me away, I couldn't imagine it. But he had the degree to prove it. And he played piano. That fact drove me crazy. He was a musician. I was desperate to hear him play.

I found myself frequently wondering how his big break happened. He mentioned acting classes in college and then it was fast forward to international movie star and I didn't know any of the in betweens, and I really wanted to know all the in betweens. I knew I'd put myself on an internet ban while we worked through our arrangement, but I figured that only applied to gossip websites. I could poke around in other places. Besides, I reasoned, this was like research…for our arrangement.

I fired up my laptop and opened my browser, typing in "Edward Cullen". Literally millions of hits. It was a little intimidating. The imdb website came up early in the list, so I clicked, figuring it was the best place to start. At the top were some bare bones biographical facts, birth date, home town, and a row of tiny thumbnail photos. Oh, look, there's me. That was fast. I made his imdb page. Freaky. I squashed down the feeling that I was being a little stalker-y right now. I mean if I'm on his imdb page, then surely it's okay for me to look at it, right?

Next came a brief bio, only a sentence with a link to a longer entry, which I clicked on.

"Edward Cullen achieved worldwide fame with his breakout role in Darkness Falls after a much-lauded start in theatre in New York, in a ground-breaking performance of Hamlet…"

Theatre? New York? Hamlet? I entered "Edward Cullen theatre Hamlet" in the search box and hit enter. I got a list of links to newspaper and magazine articles and reviews of the production. Apparently this performance had turned New York theatre on its ear. I chose one from Backstage. It was an article about a small production of Hamlet that Edward was starring in moving to a much bigger theatre and extending its run after the rave reviews he'd received. Huh.

Next I hit youtube. I entered "Edward Cullen Hamlet". I didn't find the whole play, of course, but there were plenty of clips of several scenes there, illegally filmed from the audience. I clicked on one. The quality was terrible, with a lot of bouncing and bad sound, but I still couldn't look away. There was Edward, a bit younger than now, for sure, but more importantly, fresher. I never would have thought to describe him as tired and worn out now unless I'd seen him like this then. The change was noticeable. This was only 5 or 6 years ago, but everything about him was different. His face was radiant, his eyes brilliant. Sure he was onstage acting, but part of that had to be just him. There was such excitement and raw energy bouncing off of every inch of him. I compared it to my mental image of him on our first date at Fez, slouched in the booth, his face lined with exhaustion, his expression bored, his eyes hardened. I knew he'd been living a hard and fast life for the last few years, but I hadn't had a sense before of the toll it was taking on him. It must be breaking Alice's heart.

Eventually I stopped noticing Edward's appearance as I became absolutely overwhelmed by his performance. I could suddenly understand what all the fuss had been about. Every tortured word he spoke felt like it was pummeling my chest. Never had an actor managed to reach out and grab me by the throat the way Edward did. It was remarkable, amazing, it left me breathless. I couldn't believe he was so talented. By the end of the clip, with Edward on his knees, barely rasping out the lines, his face contorted with mental anguish, I realized I had tears in the corners of my eyes. What the fuck?

Clicking closed my browser, I swiped at my eyes. I felt a little embarrassed, like I'd been snooping or something, which was ridiculous, since it was all over the internet. But it felt like some intimate part of him that he hadn't shown me, yet I went and sought it out. It would be hard to forget that when I saw him tonight. Like I needed any more reasons to feel nervous around him.

As I powered down I checked the clock. Fuck. I was off schedule tonight. We had a movie premiere to attend. Not a huge Hollywood blockbuster, a much smaller, independent film, but still, there would be photographers, posed pictures, a red carpet. This stuff was definitely not easy for me, so I would need time to pull myself together.

I started picking through Alice's pile. I had to hand it to her, she knew her stuff. I liked it all, although again, it seemed like it was for a sexier, more confident version of Bella. I found a bottle green shimmery silk dress with skinny little straps and a drapey, sort of low neckline in front. I loved the color, although I was worried that it was maybe too revealing and clingy. Ah, hell, I'd be wearing a t-shirt to this thing if I thought I could get away with it. I'm sure that if Alice sent it, it was appropriate.

Okay, so I'd picked out a dress, I realized with a sinking feeling that I had no plan for my hair. I was standing in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror trying to decide what the hell I was supposed to do with it when my door bell rang.

I was hardly even surprised to see Alice standing on my front step with a curling iron.

"I had a feeling you'd need me."

I waved her in with a smile.

Soon we were settled in the bedroom and Alice was hard at work with the curling iron transforming my long brown hair into fat loose curls that tumbled artlessly off my face. The end result was meant to look effortless, but it was amazing how long it took to do.

"So, Alice," I began cautiously, "Jasper..?"

Her entire body transformed at the mention of his name and I had to dodge the curling iron to avoid getting clobbered as she gestured wildly. It was like she had sparks radiating off her skin. Her eyes were alive and sparkling.

"Oh, Bella, he's so amazing!"

"So you've talked since you met here that one night?" I was pretty sure they had, but I didn't want to pry. And as close as Jasper and I were, he never dished to me about women, because come on, that would be gross.

She looked at me like I was an idiot.

"We talk every day. A bunch. And we've gone out a ton," she ducked her head a tiny bit and smiled, looking ever so slightly bashful, "Pretty much every night."

"Oh…So you guys hit it off, then?"

She rolled her eyes and giggled, "That's an understatement! I've never met anyone like him, Bella. He's so sweet and talented and interesting…oh! And so scorching hot!"

"I'm happy for you, Alice. And for Jasper. You guys make a great couple." Although I was about to argue with her about the scorching hot part. But then again, she didn't have the same mental image of Jasper that I did, of swimming at the public pool when we were thirteen and he was the very last boy to hit puberty. Yeah, scorching hot, not so much. But I didn't want to burst her bubble.

"Do you really think so?" Alice gripped her hands hard. "Because you are so important to him. You and Rosalie. It matters so much to me that you guys are okay with us."

"I'm great with it. And Rose likes you, too. I can tell. Especially after Sangria Night. You rocked her world."

Alice laughed her little wind chime laugh. "That was so much fun. We have to go again soon."

"So what does Edward think about you and Jasper?"

Alice's face got serious. "He doesn't know about it yet. And if it's okay with you, can you keep it quiet for a little while? He, um…he doesn't seem to like Jasper all that much, even though he hardly knows him. I just figured they could maybe get to know each other a little better first and then I can ease him into it. He is my big brother and he can be sort of stupidly protective of me."

"Why would he not like Jazz? He's only met him a few times."

"I know, I know. I don't get it either, but I swear, Jazz's name comes up and he practically growls. He doesn't know anything about him personally, and I'm sure everything he's heard from you is good, right?"

"Yeah, of course. Jazz doesn't come up much, but I would have nothing but great things to say about him, so I'm sure Edward's not getting it from me."

"I don't know," she sighed, "some stupid mysterious guy thing, I guess. And they say we're dramatic. I'll keep working on him, and if he hears enough good things from you I'm sure he'll come around. But until then will you keep it quiet?"

"Sure, sure. No problem."

"Thanks. Bella, don't get the wrong idea. Edward's not a dick. He's just made some dicky decisions lately. But I have to tell you…he's changed since you showed up. I mean, maybe it's the act, maybe he's just trying hard to behave, but he is behaving. No clubbing, no skanky women, no drunken brawls. Whatever it is, it's working."

I felt myself blush, and waved my hands dismissively in front of me. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with me, Alice. I know he's a good guy. Maybe he's just rediscovering that."

"Whatever. I like it. So thanks."

I smiled back at her and she went back to my hair. I thought about what I wanted to say next, then decided to just jump in.

"I saw a clip of him in Hamlet…online. I had no idea…" There weren't really any words for how unreal he had been, so I just let it hang.

Alice's face looked pained.

"I know. I saw him do it six times and every time it brought me to my knees. He's so talented. That's why this is so important, Bella. He was about to blow it all, his entire career, just being young and stupid, hanging out with idiots and getting into trouble. It would be a crime if he didn't act. You see, right? You see that there's so much more to him than just the stories and the bad reputation?"

I nodded wordlessly. It would indeed be a crime. Suddenly this arrangement was feeling like a huge responsibility that had been thrust in my lap. At the start I thought he just needed to be photographed hanging with a nice girl and doing nice things. Now I saw that it was much bigger than that. It felt like Edward's whole future lay in my hands. That talented boy in Hamlet needed saving and somehow it had fallen to me to help do it. And I wanted to, I realized. I wanted to help him. I just hoped I could.

"Bella…" Alice snapped me out of it.

"Yes?"

"We need to start discussing the Academy Awards. There's a lot of work to do."

I was completely lost. "The Academy Awards? On t.v.? What about them?"

Alice shot me an exasperated look. "Silly Bella! You're going with Edward! He's presenting an award this year."

"What? I mean, I am?"

"Of course you are. This is it, the Mount Everest of publicity events. And this year, with the feeding frenzy over the two of you…it's going to be epic." Her eyes got a dreamy far away look. "So….." her tone switched into Alice-wants-something mode, "I already let it be known to one or two of my contacts that I would be styling you for this. I hope that's okay?"

"Of course it is, Alice. Who else would do it?"

"Sweetie, you really have no idea. Stylists in this town would line up down the block and donate a kidney a piece just to have a shot at it. With the amount of media coverage the two of you will get that day…"

I waved my hand dismissively, "Alice, I'm sure you're exaggerating. But regardless, I want you."

She smiled indulgently at me. "Good, because we need to start dealing with the dresses."

"Huh?"

"Bella, you'll have your pick. Seriously, every big designer out there, and most of the small ones, they'll do anything to get their dress on you that night."

I took a moment to consider this. "Really?"

"Really. I've already gotten a couple of calls, people wanting to send things over for you to look at. I think we should operate out of Edward's place. Your house is too small. This is going to take a couple of rooms at least to organize."

"Two rooms…of dresses?"

"Oh, yes. At least. And you should come over there that day to get ready. There's not enough room here for the team."

"What team??"

"The hairstylist, the makeup artist, the designer will want to send a representative to help with last-minute alterations once you've chosen a dress, the jeweler will send people over…I'm thinking we should talk to Harry Winston. You know, classic but seriously expensive. That's always good."

This was making my head hurt. All of these people and plans for me to put on a dress and go to an awards show? "Alice, it's all yours, just set it up and tell me when to show up."

She clapped her hands in delight. "Yay! But it's more than that one day, there will be fittings and…"

"Fine! Fine. Just tell me when you need me and we'll do it. Talking about it is making me hyperventilate, though! I still have to get through tonight."

"Ah, tonight is nothing. We're almost done. Bella, this is going to be so much fun!"

I smiled, happy that she was so happy, although I couldn't for the life of me see what there was to be so excited about. Alice went back to curling my hair, but her face was blissfully distracted and she was humming to herself. I pitied Jasper. I had a feeling he would be hearing more than he ever cared to about me and designer dresses in the coming days.

Eventually she declared herself finished with my hair and I slipped into the dress I'd picked, which was indeed, very slinky. As in, it left nothing about what was underneath to the imagination. I wanted to chicken out, but Alice insisted it was perfect and picked out another pair of crazy high heels to torment me with. I didn't even bother to argue this time. I knew I'd lose.

She was finishing my makeup when Edward texted to say he was on his way. Alice fluttered around me for a few minutes more, checking and double checking her handiwork before declaring me done and heading to her car. I asked if she wanted to hang out until Edward got there, but she said she was meeting Jasper and with a racy wink and a huge smile, she was in her car and off.

I walked down to the end of the drive to wait for Edward. I started meeting him at the street in the beginning in an attempt to keep this businesslike and impersonal, but I kept doing it because now that I'd seen Edward's house, I'd feel a little ridiculous having him knock on the door of my modest little bungalow.

He pulled up moments later and stepped from the car to come around and let me in. He stopped as he rounded the front of the car and looked me up and down with an unidentifiable expression on his face. I prayed I wasn't blushing as much as it felt like I was. I was right, it was a little weird seeing him after Hamlet, like we'd shared an intimate moment that he didn't know about. It didn't help that he looked freaking fantastic. He had on a charcoal grey suit that was tailored very close to his amazing body and a black dress shirt, opened at the neck. And the hair…oh, God, the hair… Sure, he looked a lot more worn than he had in Hamlet, but he hadn't lost one iota of his sex appeal. I wanted to unbutton the next button on his shirt and drag my lips down and…Stop!

"Um…you look nice," he said, opening my door for me.

"Thanks." I crossed in front of him to get in the car and caught a whiff of that amazing spicy Edward scent. Gah…Deep, cleansing breaths….

We drove mostly in silence to the theater where the movie premier was being held. I didn't recognize what part of LA we were in. The damned city was so big and sprawling, I felt like I'd never learn it all. My stomach clenched a little and I realized with a start that my internet searching and Alice's arrival had totally distracted me and I had forgotten to eat anything. What was the last meal I'd eaten? Was it really breakfast? Ugh. I was starving. Maybe there would be food there. Then again, this was LA where no one ever ate, so maybe not.

"You okay?" Edward asked. When did he get so observant and considerate? Amazing Edward was clearly in attendance tonight. I steeled my resolve.

"Oh, yeah. Fine."

We were there and now and Edward helped me out of the car before handing the keys over to the valet. We were met immediately by Charlotte, Laurent's assistant, who guided us to the gauntlet of the red carpet and stayed near us for the whole hour we were out there. She ran interference with the reporters and photographers, setting up each little interview or blurb. No one got to us without going through Charlotte.

I was certainly getting better at this part, standing, posing, answering questions, smiling, being ushered quickly to the next reporter to do the whole thing all over. It wasn't so overwhelming, but I still didn't really like it. I was tired of having to come up with a thousand ways to rephrase the same bland, non-committal comments about the band, the new album, Edward and I, for one insipid reporter after another, smiling the whole time, remembering not to slouch and not to fidget. The only nice part about it was Edward. As we grew more comfortable with each other, he was easier about touching me in public, and I was easier about being touched. On the red carpet he stood close to my side, one arm curled protectively behind my back, his hand resting gently on my hip. Every now and then, if he had an instruction, or a piece of information to pass on, he'd lean his head down close to mine and whisper it against the side of my face. I allowed myself this tiny window to enjoy it, and I really did. He also made the occasional joke, whispering a piece of salacious gossip he'd heard about one female reporter once, or telling me the highly incriminating nickname another one had acquired making me giggle and try to stifle my laughter against his shoulder.

I looked around vainly for food, as I was rapidly becoming famished, but there was nothing. I whispered a question to Charlotte and she told me there was a reception after the screening of the movie, where there would undoubtedly be food. Shit. Two hours to go. I felt faint.

Finally we were called in to the theater for the screening. At least I'd be off my feet. Edward led us to our seats and got me settled. The lights dimmed halfway and before I registered what he was doing, Edward reached into my lap and plucked my hand up and settled our joined hands on his thigh just like at the ballgame. It occurred to me for a second that it was dark in here and no one was likely to notice if he didn't hold my hand, but it felt too good, so I didn't say a word.

Then the lights went out completely and the movie started. The instant it got dark, the low grade electric buzz I always felt when I was close to Edward shot up to epic levels. I was acutely aware of how close the side of his leg was to mine. It seemed like every nerve ending in my body channeled straight into my right hand where it was joined to his. This reaction my body had to his was embarrassing. I felt so tingly and flushed that it seemed impossible it wasn't noticeable to others, to him. I chanced a tiny glance at Edward. His head was tilted slightly in my direction and he was looking at me. His eyes looked black in the darkness of the theater. I didn't immediately look away. Whatever I was feeling before was amplified by a thousand now that we were locking eyes. He had to be feeling something, too. Slowly, I felt his thumb swipe across the back of my knuckles. My breathing hitched, my heart pounded and I prayed he didn't hear it. I cut my eyes back to the front where the movie was starting. Out of the corner of my eye I could see he didn't move, he was still watching me.

His thumb began to make lazy passes across the knuckles of my right hand. I thought I might go crazy from the slow repetitive sensation. I thought maybe once the movie started it would break the spell, our attention would be re-directed. No such luck. It didn't abate, at least for me, one tiny bit. In fact, his thumb on the back of my hand made it worse, concentrated, focused. He shifted minutely and I could smell him, delicious and spicy. My stomach was still empty and the hunger, combined with the sensations I was being swamped with left me feeling faint. I raised my free hand to my forehead and bowed my head a little, squeezing my eyes shut against the lightheadedness.

Instantly I felt him release my hand and his arm came down around my shoulders. He gripped my far shoulder and pulled me in close to him, whispering in my ear.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a little lightheaded. I forgot to eat today. Stupid, I know."

"Let's get you out of here and find some food."

"But the movie…"

"Fuck it. They took our pictures, we were officially here. Now let's bail."

He stood abruptly, reaching his arm down around my waist and pulling me to my feet and walking me briskly out of the theater and into the LA twilight.

A/N: Sorry you have to wait till tomorrow for the rest, but I think it will be worth it. I really like the next chapter. So review now and stay tuned for the rest!