Disclaimer: I own none of Twilight.

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BPOV

The sand was gritty under my feet and I was lost in the dark but I wasn't alone. I could feel and hear people completely surrounding me, moving past me, snatching at me as they went. I was feeling claustrophobic, despite being outside. So many people and all faceless, all trying to touch me, hang on to me. But there was only one person I wanted to find. I reached out, into the dark and the mass of people, searching for him. But it was so dark I couldn't see him. I could feel him nearby, and my hands were reaching out to touch him, but why couldn't I find him?

I'd had the same dream for the last three nights since Edward took me to the beach. One night, the first night I dreamt it, just when I was getting anxious that I couldn't find him, and panicky about the people snatching at me, his fingers made contact with mine and then the warmth of his body surrounded me as he wrapped his arms around me, just like he had that night. The last two nights I just kept reaching for him in the crowded dark and never finding him.

My phone pinging insistently at me from the bedside table pulled me slowly from the dream and awake, but I was groggy and disoriented, still filled with anxiety. The phone pinged again and I registered the tone. I had a text. Who the hell would text me this early? I reached out half blind and swiped it off the table, checking the screen through squinted eyes. Rose.

I sat up quickly, instantly fully awake and clicked to read it.

"Come early to the studio"

Well, that was ominous. That meant she wanted to talk about something in private. My stomach did an unpleasant little flip. If I was going to get there early I needed to move fast. My truck didn't do speedy and it was a bit of a drive from here to the studio.

I threw myself through the shower and into an old cotton skirt and a white undershirt I'd stolen from Jasper years ago. Damn, it felt good to be in something normal for once. I grabbed my sunglasses, which I was actually becoming very attached to, and headed out to my truck. My neighborhood was still quiet and sleeping, the grass still slightly dewy and the birds chirping awake in the trees. Right at the start of "Bella and Edward", knowing how anxious I was about facing the onslaught of the press, Aro had "leaked" my address to the media, giving them the name of some high rise condo in Brentwood where his assistant lived, and so far, thank God, the ruse seemed to be holding. Cynthia was more or less my height with long brown hair and that, apparently, had been enough to throw off the random nosy photographer. So here at my house, there was never anybody around to disturb the peace of my tranquil little neighborhood, for which I was eternally grateful. No matter what I had to face out there, I could come back here and forget it for a while. I was so glad he had been able to arrange this little oasis for me for as long as it lasted.

Forty minutes of miserable LA traffic and I arrived at the studio. It amazed me how bad the roads were even at this early hour. John said hello as I passed and waved me through. I found Rose curled up on the couch in our studio, her laptop open on her lap.

I poked my head in the room, "Hey Rose. What's up?"

Rose fixed me with her steady emotionless gaze and turned her laptop to face me. I took a few steps closer so that I could see what she was showing me. It was a webpage, full of pictures of me and Edward. Us at the ballgame, me sitting turned to face him, him holding our hands against his chest and reaching out to touch my hair; us at that movie premier a few nights earlier on the red carpet, his arm around my waist, Edward leaning down to whisper in my ear, my face turned into his chest, a huge grin on my face; another shot of us on the red carpet, Edward's arm still around me, my whole body leaning against him, my head turned away as I spoke to someone else, Edward smiling down at me, looking for all the world like he adored me…

I shifted my weight from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"So? Are you trying to say something, Rose?"

"I'm saying I'm worried about you, Bella. This is not looking so pretend to me anymore. At least not for you."

"I swear to you, nothing has happened since that first night," I protested.

Which was technically true, unless you considered the fact that every time Edward sat next to me I got aroused, and that he made holding hands feel like a sex act, and that I was pretty sure he was seconds away from kissing me that night on the beach.

"I'm sure that's true, and these pictures don't really worry me much where he's concerned. He's an actor, they fake feelings for a living. But you're not. I've known you your whole life, and what I see in you in these pictures, well…it's looking like there's something starting to happen there."

I didn't say anything. I lowered myself to the couch next to her and kept my eyes on my hands in my lap. Rose sighed and then continued, her voice a little lighter.

"I know you're attracted to him, and believe me, I wouldn't judge you for a second if you decided to sleep with him. As long as it was just sex. As long as you weren't letting yourself fall for him." Her voice deepened and slowed as she placed emphasis on the last part, staring hard at me again.

I sighed and made myself meet her gaze. She was right, she had known me my whole life. And I knew she'd be able to read my face like a book.

"Damn," she said softly. "I knew it."

"Rose…"

She held up a hand to stop me. "Bella, you don't own me any explanations, you know that. It's just that I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt. And this guy could really hurt you. He's freaking designed for it."

"I know that, I really do. Why do you think nothing's happened since the first night? Because he's wanted it, I'm pretty sure of it. But I know what it would mean…it would mean nothing. And you're right, at first I thought about it, letting it be just about sex. But I didn't do it then because I thought it would complicate the situation too much. And I didn't even like him, it was just lust. But now…he's just…"

"He's what?"

"He's just turned out to be different than what I thought he was. More than I thought he was, much more. I don't know how it happened, because I was really trying hard to keep it from happening, but it happened anyway. I like him. So now I really can't sleep with him, because it wouldn't be just about sex any more. Not for me."

Because now I was pretty sure I was crazy about him. But I didn't say that out loud.

We were quiet for a moment while we both mulled over what I'd said.

"So what are you going to do?" Rose asked.

"What is there to do? Keep doing what I'm doing. Not sleeping with him, and trying hard not to fall for him. At least any more than I already have."

"I'm sorry, Bella. Please be careful. I don't want to see this guy break your heart."

"I know, Rose. I don't want to see that either." I paused for a moment, letting my head fall forward into my hands, and I laughed bitterly, mostly at myself, my own stupidity. "How ridiculous is it anyway? That I could be stupid enough to fall for Edward Cullen, of all people? I mean, it's such a lame cliché. Just another pathetic fan girl mooning after the big movie star."

"Hey!" Rose snapped, "you're no fan girl. And that douche would be lucky to have you. You're too good for him, Bella."

"Rose, don't say that. Don't be mean. He's not everything that you think and he's a lot more than you'd guess. He's a good guy, he really is."

"Geez, I know you've got it bad! Listen to you defending him!" She rolled her eyes.

"Defending who?" My head snapped to the door to see Jasper lounging against the doorframe. "Cullen?"

"Jasper! It's none of your business!"

"What's none of my business? You getting stars in your eyes for Edward?"

"I am so not having this conversation with you Jasper."

"Bells, babe, it's just because we care about you." Emmett said as he pushed past Jasper to get into the room.

"What the fuck, Emmett? Did you guys have a band meeting about this or something?" I hated this feeling that they'd been discussing me, even if they meant well.

"Chill out, Bells," Emmett said, gently. "It's just that you guys are everywhere right now. I mean everywhere. And knowing you as well as we do, we saw what was going on. And we got worried."

It was sweet, in it's totally maddening, irritating way. They really did care about me. I just hated that my emotions were on display like that, to them and the rest of the world. On the other hand, no one on the planet knew me as well as these three people. Just because they could see it didn't mean anyone else could. But I'd really had enough of this discussion, so I decided to redirect as best I could.

"What do you mean 'everywhere'? I sort of put myself on a media blackout. Are people buying it? Are we getting a lot of coverage?"

Rose, Emmett and Jasper exchanged nervous, knowing looks. Rose cleared her throat.

"You could say that," she said, turning her laptop back to me. "These pictures are on Edward and Bella dot com."

I shot her a stunned look before I snatched the computer away from her and scrolled up to see the top of the page. There it was on the banner. Edward and Bella dot com. A whole website devoted to me and Edward. What the fuck?

"What the hell is this? Who made this website?"

Rose shrugged dismissively, "Who knows? Some fan. It's only one of them, anyway."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart thumping in my chest.

"Oh, there are a bunch. There's Bella and Edward dot com, Edward and Bella dot net…"

"That's my favorite," Emmett chimed in, "They always have the best pictures."

"And there's Belward dot com. Somebody's hoping that name gets traction, but it doesn't seem to be sticking, thank God. It sounds like a pharmaceutical company," Rose continued blithely.

I was stunned. I had no words. People weren't just buying it, people were eating it up.

"Yeah, Bella," Jasper said, "You guys are like the new Brad and Angelina. Or the new Ben and Jennifer. Or the other Ben and Jennifer. It's major." He rolled his eyes and smirked a little.

"These are all new," Rose said, meaning to sound comforting, "The websites and stuff have mostly cropped up this past week, but you've been the number one story on all those celebrity gossip shows. They can't get enough."

I exhaled slowly and collapsed against the back of the couch. How did I miss this? Sure the press and the paparazzi were insane, but it hadn't occurred to me that it was translating into fame like this…on a scale I couldn't conceive of. Objectively I was pleased. It's what we set out to do, and it's always nice to achieve your goals. And, of course, it was supposed to be good for the band. Personally, it totally freaked me out. I hadn't really thought through to this part, being so famous. I didn't like the attention before and now it seemed like it would get exponentially worse. I had noticed that the paparazzi were a lot crazier the last few times I'd been out with Edward, but I just hadn't made the connection. Somehow, stupidly, I thought it was all about him. I was feeling anxious and unsettled. I wanted to vent, to talk about it. With a start I realized there was only one person I wanted to talk about it with…Edward. The compulsion to call him at that moment was nearly overwhelming. And that feeling scared the hell out of me.

I shot up off the couch, feeling frantic, "Let's get to work! Come on guys!"

Jasper looked skeptically at me, but he was hardly going to argue since he was our usual taskmaster and was always the one to crack the whip to get us focused.

"You heard the lady," he drawled.

Rose snapped her laptop shut and Emmett headed for his drum kit. I exhaled a little. I felt like this situation was perilously close to swallowing me whole, both the public part and the very private part. Rose was right to fear for my heart, it was in terrible danger.

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"Come on, Jazz. I'm just saying, it's a little…wordy," I said in my most conciliatory tone.

"No fucking way! These lyrics flow! And the song is about the words," he growled.

"That's crap!" Rose snapped, "That's the bullshit line you feed us every time you go all angsty songcrafter trying to channel your inner Leonard Cohen."

"Fuck you, Rose! You're just pissed because there's no wailing guitar solo for you to showboat on!"

To an outsider it might have sounded like we were having a knock down drag out fight, but there was no heat in it, there never was. It was just how we worked our shit out, especially Jasper and Rose, being twins. But it was the end of a long day. We'd gotten good work done, but it was hard. And I was still strung out and wired by my discovery of those websites this morning. I wanted to escape for a little while and mentally regroup.

"Hey, guys, we've put in a good day," I suggested, "Maybe we should just call it a day and relax."

Jasper rubbed a hand over his eyes and exhaled heavily. "You're right, Bells. I'm done. Let's tackle this tomorrow when we're fresh."

Nobody else was arguing, so we set about packing up for the day. Our moods lightened the minute we said we were done and by the time we waved goodbye to John at the security desk we were actually laughing and joking with each other.

We swung out of the double doors of the recording studio into the parking lot. Rose was in front and I was right behind her laughing at her spot-on impersonation of Aro when we were hit with a writhing wall of shouting bodies and strobing flashes.

Rose instinctively flinched back and I whipped my head down against the glare. What the fuck was going on?

It dawned on me as my chest seized up in anxiety. Press. Photographers and reporters were swarming outside the doors to the studio. Up until now the studio we were using for the album hadn't gotten out, so we came and went with ease. It seemed that now they'd found us. As I paused for a second to listen to what they were shouting, I understood that they weren't here for Eclipse, they were here for me. Bella. Of Edward and Bella. I felt cold all over. My truck was on the far side of the lot. I was caught completely off guard and helpless.

Rose reached behind me and grasped Emmett's wrist, pulling him to the front of our group. She leaned up and had to nearly shout in his ear to be heard over their noise. "We have to get Bella to the truck."

Emmett nodded and scooped me under his arm. Jasper pushed forward and flanked me on the other side. We plunged forward into the fray. It was the worst I'd ever experienced. If I'd been prepared to confront this, it would have been one thing. When I went out with Edward I was expecting it, I was ready. But at the studio I was in my own world, not that celebrity craziness. Then it hit me…the websites, and now this. This was my new world, my new reality. It would always be like this for me now. Fuck. As we reached the truck, Emmett yanked the door open and he nearly shoved me inside. I scrambled for my keys, my hands shaking, and popped the clutch as I turned the key. Nothing. Goddamned piece of trash! Why was I still driving this fucking truck?

Rose shouted one word at me through the window. "Hood!"

I pulled the catch and Rose yanked it up. She gave a few brief, practiced twists and jiggles and slammed the hood closed again. We had been through this many times over the years. I tried the ignition and it caught. Thank God for Rose. Well, for Mr. Hale, who taught Rose everything he knew about engines. She was the only reason my truck was still running at all.

The media scrum never lessened, they surrounded the truck and us completely, three and four bodies deep. I didn't know how I would get out of here. Emmett and Jasper were attempting to herd them away from the sides of the truck so I could back out, but no one was moving. They were leaning over the hood, putting their cameras up against the windshield, snapping pictures, the flash going off in my face constantly. I felt panic rising in my throat and there was that damned impulse again. Edward. Edward. I wanted Edward. Desperately. Somehow I knew that if he were here, he'd know what to do and he'd be able to make me feel better. Well, he wasn't here and I couldn't have him, certainly not now. I would just have to manage on my own. I put the truck in reverse and let it just barely begin to roll back. The people behind me scrambled out of the way but only by inches. They were still surrounding my truck and I was terrified that I would hit someone if I actually tried to drive. By now the chaos had drawn the attention of John, so he came out, shouting at them, clearing a path for me. The uniform and the badge seemed to do the trick, even though he was only a rent-a-cop. They finally began to move out of the path he indicated.

Finally I managed to edge to the parking lot entrance and out on the road. I drove for a mile or so, frantically checking my rearview mirror. I had some crazy fear that they were following me. Suddenly my unique, vintage truck felt like a bullseye, visible anywhere.

My hands were shaking and I was afraid I might throw up. I couldn't drive anymore. I pulled the truck to the side of the road and dropped my head forward, gripping the steering wheel till my hands hurt with the effort. I squeezed my eyes shut tight against the tears starting to leak out, but it did no good. In moments I was sobbing, my shoulders heaving with the effort. I don't know how long I spent hunched there, weeping, but eventually my phone pinged with a text.

"Are you okay?- Rose"

I sniffed and swiped at my eyes. If I didn't answer she'd panic.

"I'm fine, just freaked."

"Do you want me to come over?"

It was sweet of her, but what I really wanted was to at least pretend that everything was okay for a little while, and that would be easiest alone. I wanted to listen to some music and just think.

"Thanks but I'm okay. I just want to hang. See you tomorrow."

I started the truck and headed towards home, desperate to find some semblance of normal.