Hello again! Thanks to everyone for the steady stream of reviews.
Thanks to uggyf at Twilight Enablers and the posters on Lion & Lamb, both on live journal, for recommending the story. And there's now a thread for this story on the forum over at Twilighted, if you want to come on over and chat.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
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BPOV
I flipped through the channels once more, barely registering what I was seeing flash by. Finally I growled in frustration and turned the tv off, throwing the remote down on the table. Pressing my fingers into my eye sockets I groaned and fell back on the couch. I was exhausted, still not sleeping well, but I could feel that sleep was hours off, if it came at all. Just one good night of oblivion, that's all I wanted. One night when I didn't lay awake for hours thinking about Edward, remembering that night, wondering, torturing myself about it. One night when I didn't wake up shaking and gasping every hour from yet another dream about him. Even worse were the paparazzi nightmares, when I was stranded alone, surrounded by faceless bodies, their hands snatching at me endlessly. I never got back to sleep after one of those.
Until the past week falling to sleep had never been much of a problem for me so I didn't have a lot of coping strategies. I tried to think back on other nights when I couldn't sleep, to remember what I'd done then to fall asleep. All I could really remember was a night when I was seven, the night before the first day of school. I was so anxious and excited that I couldn't fall asleep. I remembered my mother making me a glass of warm milk to help me relax. It was one of the few truly maternal memories I had of her. Warm milk? Well, I supposed it was worth a try.
I headed to the fridge and was disappointed to find the milk container all but empty. Who the fuck puts an empty milk container back in the fridge? Oh, right. I live alone now. That would be me. Idiot. Years of living with Emmett had clearly rubbed off on me. Well, no milk was a big problem, because that would mean no coffee tomorrow and I had a nine a.m. recording session. Wasn't happening without coffee, especially in my sleep-deprived state.
I checked the time on the microwave. 9:45. Not too late. There was a corner grocery a few blocks away that sold basic stuff. They'd have milk. And if worse came to worse, they'd have Nyquil and that would make me sleep for sure. I could be there and back in five minutes and at this time of the night I was sure there wouldn't be any paparazzi staking out the parking lot of the Thrifty Mart. And maybe it would help to get out of the house and do something, instead of just hanging around here, thinking and making myself crazy.
I grabbed my keys and my bag and headed for the door. I realized as I neared the front of the house that it was noisy outside, surprisingly so for this quiet neighborhood at this time of night. Was there a fire? Or did somebody call the cops or an ambulance or something? I opened the door and the explanation I found there made my breath die in my chest and my blood run cold. I was faced with the now-familiar wall of flashes and screams, except now they were in front of my house. They were everywhere, spilling all over the yard, out into the street. Calling for me…yelling questions. I immediately started gasping for air, feeling my heart rate skyrocket.
They know where I live.
Alice's comments about my house, that I didn't have a fence, or a gate on my driveway, that anybody could walk right up…at the time it seemed like a ridiculous thing to worry about, but now I understood. I was completely exposed to them, nowhere to hide.
I stumbled back into the house and slammed the door, throwing the deadbolt. I fell forward against it, trying to calm my breathing and my shaking hands. They weren't leaving. I could hear them still calling out to me, waiting for me to go out again.
That impulse to call Edward bubbled up again fast and furious and this time I didn't even try to deny it. I couldn't explain why, but I needed him, and no one else, and I needed him now. I scrolled to his number and hit send with my shaking thumb. He picked up after two rings.
"Hi, Bella," his voice sounded relaxed and happy, not that distant, polite tone he'd used on me for the past week. Thank God.
"Edward…" I realized too late that I couldn't trust my voice. I was crying and I didn't even know it. My voice was little more than a gasp.
"Bella? Baby, what's wrong? Where are you?"
"Edward, they're all over my house…the photographers…I can't go outside…They're screaming at me…I'm sorry I called you, I just didn't know what to do."
"It's alright, Bella. Just stay inside. I have to round up Sam, my bodyguard; we'll be there to get you in less than thirty minutes. It's okay, don't panic," he said soothingly. I felt my heart slow down a fraction. He was coming to get me. "Just don't answer the door or the phone. Make sure it's locked. I'll text you when we get there. And Bella?" he paused and I could hear the tension in his voice. I could practically see him squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose, like I knew he would be. "When we get there…I can't come to the door. I'm sorry. It would only make it worse. Sam will come. But I'll be waiting for you in the car. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
"Will you be alright until we get there?"
"Yes."
"I'm coming."
"Thank you."
I sat in a tense little ball on the arm of my sofa for the whole time, not daring to move, just watching the minutes tick by. I could hear them still out there, talking and laughing, passing the time, waiting for me to go out again. I thought about calling Rose and Emmett, or Jasper, but this was out of their league. They wouldn't know what to do any better than me. But Edward did. And Edward was coming.
Twenty six minutes later, my phone pinged.
"We're here"
I shot to my feet. There was a dust up outside, shuffling, shouts. I didn't dare look to see what was going on. There was a short sharp rap on the door.
"Miss Swan? It's Sam, I work for Mr. Cullen," a deep, muffled voice boomed through the wood door.
I cracked it open and stared up at one of the largest people I'd ever seen. He was bigger than some of the Quileute boys back at La Push and that was saying something.
"Step forward under my arm. Stay close. I'll get you to the car." He turned his side to me and lifted his right arm. I opened the door farther and slipped through the smallest opening I could manage and his huge arm came down over my shoulders, effectively shielding half my body. I turned my head into his massive chest and the sound of their shouts was somewhat muffled. Sam started us moving immediately. He kept his free arm out in front of us, creating a bubble for me. No one touched me. No one would dare. I didn't listen to their shouts, I just focused on moving forward with Sam, forward to where Edward was waiting.
There was a huge black SUV with very dark tinted windows parked at the curb. I couldn't see anything of what was inside. As we got within five feet of the back door, it swung open. Edward was inside, his arms opened to me. Sam walked me right up to the opening and seamlessly released me as Edward's arms closed around me and the door shut quietly behind me. I heard the automatic locks engage.
There was one more sliver of chaotic sound from the outside as Sam opened the driver's side door and slipped behind the wheel, then the locks engaged again and he started the engine. I knew it must be a frenzy out there, but I could barely see it or hear it from the back seat.
Edward didn't release me. I looked up into his face, into his leaf green eyes, looking down so gently at me. He reached up a hand and brushed his fingers across my cheekbone. I let out one long shaky breath. My throat constricted suddenly and a strangled sob welled up. I couldn't help it or hold it back. I completely fell apart, my whole body shaking with it. Edward curled me in against his chest, his hand reaching up to smooth my hair as he murmured little soothing sounds in my ear.
"I'm sorry, baby," he mumbled. "I'm so sorry."
I couldn't make sense of what he was apologizing for, I was just insanely grateful that he was here. And I was right. He was making me feel better, when I knew no one else could.
My sobs finally tapered off into sniffles. I settled my head on his shoulder, my legs draped across his lap, one arm thrown across his chest. I never wanted to move from this spot with him. His hand was still stroking my hair and the motion was so soothing, and I was so tired. I slipped away….
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EPOV
Bella's shoulders eventually stopped shaking and her breathing evened out. I kept stroking her hair with my hand, kept my arm wrapped tightly around her. We didn't talk; I didn't think she'd want to say anything right now. Somewhere on the drive back to my place her breathing slowed and I knew she had fallen asleep, which I was grateful for.
Sam negotiated the front gate and we came to a stop in front of the house.
"She's asleep," I said quietly to Sam. "I'm going to carry her inside."
"Do you want me to?"
"No, I got her."
Sam opened the car door for me and I gently maneuvered Bella's sleeping form into my arms so I could carry her. She shifted a tiny bit and turned her face into my shoulder, her little hands curled into the front of my shirt. Sam got the front door for me and I nodded goodnight to him as he shut us into the house.
It was dark and quiet; Alice had apparently decided to sleep at her place tonight. She had all but moved in here for a while and now suddenly she'd taken to sleeping at home again. Weird.
I climbed the stairs as carefully as I could trying not to wake her. I stood in the hallway at the top of the stairs momentarily indecisive about which way to go. There was a guest bedroom to the left, one that Alice hadn't commandeered for dresses. My bedroom was to the right. I had absolutely no intention of laying a finger on her tonight, but I wondered for a minute if it might be more comforting for Bella to sleep with me. I mean, the way she was hanging on to me….But it might be seriously weird for her in the morning to wake up with me. And creepy. No, better to put her to bed alone, even though I wanted nothing more in the world than to curl up next to her all night and inhale the scent of her hair.
I exhaled heavily and turned to the left, shouldering the door to the guest room open gently. I set her down as carefully as I could and then spent a good ten minutes trying to inch the covers down from underneath her body without waking her. She barely stirred. She must be exhausted. I pulled her shoes off and pulled the covers up over her. Her face was in profile to me, resting on the pillow, one of her hands curled up under her chin. Okay, I wasn't going to put her in my bed, but I would allow myself a few minutes to watch her sleep. Still creepy, but I figured she'd never know.
I gently lowered myself to sit on the very edge of the bed, then I reached out and brushed the hair that had fallen into her eyes away from her face. She had bluish smudges under her eyes, like she wasn't sleeping well. Her skin was alabaster white in the dim light of the room, pearly and almost translucent over her cheekbones, where there was an ever-present little hint of the peach color of her blush. Her full, dark pink lips fell open a tiny bit as her breathing deepened. Her eyelids began to flutter and her fingers twitched slightly. She was dreaming. I was mesmerized. She let out a small gasp and then she said it, so soft it was barely a whisper… "Edward."
My breathing completely failed in my chest and I'm sure my heart missed a few beats. I stared at her, completely frozen for what seemed like an eternity. She said my name. My name. She was dreaming about me. Maybe it was because I was the last person she saw before she fell asleep, but then again…maybe not. I felt hope, hope that in spite of all the obstacles and problems, in spite of how fucked up and hopeless I was, in spite of all that, she just might want me anyway. I felt ecstatic and terrified at the same time. I was euphoric and horrifically anxious all together. I didn't understand the jumble of emotions swirling through me or what they meant…and then it broke over me like the sun breaking through the clouds back home in Seattle…I was in love with her.
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BPOV
I rolled my face further into the pillow and sought sleep again. It had been so sound and satisfying. I didn't want to let go. My fingertips became aware that these weren't my sheets, then my face became aware that this wasn't my pillow.
I cracked an eye and looked around. I had no idea where I was. I glanced down. At least I wasn't naked, that's always a reassuring discovery. I was wearing my clothes from last night, minus my shoes.
Last night…the paparazzi swarming my house, I called Edward, he came to get me…I lost it after that.
I scooted up to sit against the headboard and pushed my hair out of my face. The room was tastefully decorated in understated neutrals, the bed was all white. There was a decided lack of anything personal in the room, which made me think it was a guest room. A duffle bag lay on the floor at the foot of the bed. Glancing around some more, I spied a note on the table by the bed in unfamiliar handwriting.
"Bella-
You fell asleep on the drive over. I put you to bed in the guest room. Alice went to your place last night and got some of your clothes. There's coffee in the kitchen.
-Edward"
Edward's house. Edward put me to bed in here. I was flooded with gratitude and…I couldn't quite parse out everything I was feeling and I didn't want to try. I did want a shower, and my clothes were here. Correction: Alice picked them out, so I was sure there were none of my clothes in there, only Alice-approved choices. Well, I'd have to make do. At least they wouldn't have been worn all day and then slept in.
I sighed deeply, feeling more content than I had in weeks and scrambled out of bed to see if there was anything in that bag I could hope to wear without blushing. All the undergarments were lacy and stupid and impractical. I had complained bitterly about Alice's insistence in dressing every part of me before. It seemed silly to worry about what was under the clothes, stuff no one ever saw. But Alice spouted some shit about it being a crime to wear my plain white cotton panties under a Zac Posen dress, whatever that was. So it seemed I was stuck with the sex fantasy lingerie, but the clothes weren't as bad as I feared. The designer jeans I wore to the ballgame were in here, and after I rooted around a while, I found a sheer white cotton blouse with fancy little tucks and embroidery in front that was actually pretty cute.
A shower helped tremendously, which was good, because it came back to me that I needed to be at the studio at nine and functional. Now I felt like, after some coffee, I might be. I pulled my damp hair into a messy low ponytail just to get it out of the way, slipped on the gold ballet flats Alice chose for me and headed downstairs, singing slightly to myself, the song I woke up hearing in my head. I wondered where Edward was or even if he was still here. It hurt a little more than I cared to admit that he might have gone out without seeing me this morning. What happened last night had been so emotional, I'd been so vulnerable, and he'd been…perfect. Gentle, caring, soothing. It felt like things should be different now, but I wondered if they would be.
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EPOV
I loitered in the kitchen for an eternity, drinking way more coffee than I should, staring at the top of the stairs as if that alone would make her appear there. I briefly considered going up to her room to check on her…again…but I was pretty sure she was up now, so I figured I'd better let her have her space. I ran my hand through my hair for what must have been the thousandth time this morning, trying to figure out exactly how I should proceed. My brain was a mess, but one thought kept piercing through the confusion all morning:
She called me. She called me.
Not Jasper. Not Rosalie and Emmett. Me.
That had to count for something. When she was terrified and frantic, it was me she turned to, me who comforted her. And when she slept, it was me in her dreams, however I wound up there. It gave me a slim thread of hope to hang on to that I could make this happen. That I could peel Jasper away from her, and make her forget what a fucked up, bad risk I was. That I could somehow deserve her.
I was worried that in the harsh light of morning she would re-think calling me. That she'd call one of her friends to come here and get her. But then again, the media scrutiny might keep her from doing that. I was pretty sure after last night I could convince her to stay here for at least a few days. And then I would just see. I'd see what she wanted, where she wanted to go. She loved her little house; I knew she'd want to be there. It would make her so unhappy to give it up. But of course that place was impossible now, no security at all, it was way too….I was stopped by a sudden flash of inspiration. I'd have to make some phone calls today and see what I could do.
I heard her singing to herself before I saw her. A stunning wavering melody in her clear soprano voice. So beautiful. I closed my eyes momentarily, just soaking in the sound of her. I opened my eyes again to see her skipping lightly down the stairs, all flushed and slightly damp from the shower, and my heart turned over in my ribs a little.
"Hey." I said it quickly to let her know I was here.
Her head shot up and a glorious smile broke over her face momentarily before she seemed to catch herself and dial it back a bit. But her immediate reaction made me bold and I didn't want the new intimacy we'd found to vanish in the space of one awkward morning exchange. So I crossed the kitchen quickly and pulled her into my arms, kissing the top of her head. "How are you feeling?"
She held still for just a moment before relaxing into me and wrapping her arms around my ribs. "Better, thanks. Sorry I flipped out last night. Thanks for taking care of me."
"There's nothing to apologize for, Bella. That must have been overwhelming and terrifying for you. I'm glad you called me. I'm glad I could help."
We were quiet for a moment, wrapped around each other, and it was freaking heaven. But I didn't want to scare her away by going too fast, so I pulled away gently, reaching behind me to claim one of her hands.
"Coffee?" I asked, leading her across the kitchen to the coffee maker.
She sagged in relief. "Yes! I have to be at the studio at nine and I'm a mess. I guess I should call for a cab or something."
"Sam is going to drive you," I said quietly. "And Bella? This afternoon, when you're finished at the studio, Sam's agency is sending someone over to get you, someone who will be assigned exclusively to you. You can interview people later to choose someone permanent, but we need to get someone on you right away. Things are getting crazy and you're not safe."
She locked eyes with me a moment, like she was considering protesting. But she wasn't stupid, she knew this was a necessary evil and she just nodded, her lips a tight line. Frankly I was kind of furious that no one else had done this for her yet. The label, her publicist, they asked her to do this thing with me precisely to garner this level of attention. But then when it happened, they just left her unprotected and thrown to the wolves, with no one to watch out for her. That was fine. I didn't want anybody else watching out for her anyway. I wanted to do it.
"I didn't know you had a bodyguard," she said. "I've never seen him before last night."
"I don't use him all the time. I prefer to do things as normally as possible, if I can. I bring him in for high profile events, stuff with big crowds. And when I've got a new movie out and my profile is high, I use him more. He's on call 24 hours right now, just in case."
She looked down at her feet, biting on her lip, clearly trying to imagine what her life was going to be like now with a bodyguard. It was different, for sure. But I was determined to try my best to help her balance it, find a way to be safe and still live her life. She was in this mess because of me. It was the least I could do.
"So," I said, trying to distract her with something happy, "what were you singing just now? Is that for the album?"
"Oh, no. That was an old Kate Bush song. I heard it a few years ago and fell in love with it. I'd love to sing it someday, but…"
"Why don't you?"
"It's not really right for the band. It's been done a bunch of ways, but I'm partial to the original and that's mostly vocal and piano and none of us really plays. Jasper does a little, but not like that. And it would be weird to do it with a session musician, because the song's so intimate, mostly just the voice and piano together. So I just sing it in the shower."
I was distracted for a moment by images of Bella singing in the shower and had to take a second to get my focus back.
"I'm sorry the kitchen is pretty bare. I don't cook here, so there's pretty much just coffee. But Sam will be happy to get you something on the way to the studio."
"You don't cook? Like ever?"
"No. I'm not here much, and…"
She smiled at me as she turned away, sipping her coffee. "Yeah, I know all about it. Edward Cullen of the supercharged social life."
"Hey, I'm reformed! Remember?" I protested, laughing.
She rolled her eyes and leaned back on the counter, chuckling. "Sure, sure… and I'm the virginal girl next door who tamed the beast. I've heard the story."
I couldn't resist. I cocked an eyebrow at her and shot her a crooked smile. My voice dropped to a murmur. "Virginal, huh? It sure didn't seem that way to me."
I almost immediately regretted it as her eyes flew to mine and her face flooded with color. But then the space between us instantly crackled with sexual tension, and it was as if we were jolted right back to that moment in the kitchen, her body molded against me, her mouth under mine, my hand touching her…I was a breath away from charging across the span between us and slamming into her when she dropped her eyes to the floor and drew a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh.
"Now Edward, you know you can't believe everything you read on TMZ."
She shot me a smirk and the tension was broken. I exhaled the breath I didn't know I'd been holding and quickly looked someplace else. So much for not scaring her away. We both laughed softly.
The buzzer for the front gate sounded and then I heard the beeps indicating that whoever it was had entered the entry code. Must be Sam coming to get Bella. I was missing her already.