If Only I could have spent a little more time with you.
I do not own Naruto
Sasuke looks up from his scroll about genjutsu as Itachi walks into his room and closes the door behind him.
''What do you want?'' Sasuke asks from where he is lying in his bed.
''I want to talk with you.'' His older brother responds.
''What makes you think I want to talk with you?'' Sasuke makes sure not to look at his brother's eyes so he can pretend he doesn't notice the hurt in them.
Itachi holds the bowl with tomatoes in front of Sasuke's eyes as he makes his way towards Sasuke.
Sasuke scowls but to Itachi it looks more like a pout. ''Don't think you can lure me with tomatoes.''
''I guess I will have to eat them all by myself then.'' Itachi moves the bowl away from Sasuke and takes a few tomatoes and puts them in his mouth.
Sasuke makes a grab for the bowl and Itachi lets him take it. ''You don't even like tomatoes that much.'' He grumbles. ''Where did you get them from anyway?''
Itachi has to do his best to not let his lips form a small smile. He guesses parts of Sasuke are still the same and the scene in front of him makes him want to smile and let out a sigh of relief. But he didn't come here to see his brother eating tomatoes while pouting. He came here to have a talk with Sasuke and find out what is going on with Sasuke.
Sasuke notices that his brother has gone quiet. He puts the now empty bowl away next to his already forgotten scroll.
''You wanted to talk?'' He looks at his older brother. Itachi looks tired.
''I want to apologize for pushing you to talk about your sharigan. I am sorry.''
Sasuke looks away. He doesn't understand why his brother cares so much about him having his Sharigan.
''I am just worried about you Sasuke.'' His brother sighs. ''The sharigan doesn't just activate. You need to experience a very strong emotion. Often those are not happy emotions and mother told me you were crying. I activated my sharigan when my teammate was killed in front of my very own eyes. I never wanted you to experience such awful emotions and see something like that.''
Sasuke looks into his brother's eyes and swallows at his brother's expression.
''Your change in behaviour also scared me. I didn't know what happened. I could not understand it. I couldn't understand you anymore. It scared me Sasuke, You were hurt and I had no idea how.''
Sasuke can understand the feeling of suddenly realising you might have not understand or even known someone you thought you knew so well. He felt the same with Itachi for almost half his life after that fateful day. He still feels like he doesn't know Itachi. Which parts of him are fake and which are real?
''I love you Sasuke. I want to see you happy and not sad. I don't want you to be hurt. Not emotionally or physically.'' His brother reaches out, hesitates and then touches Sasuke shoulder.
Sasuke is deep in thought about his brother's words. He is happy to hear Itachi say he loves him. But if he loves him, if he doesn't want him to get hurt why did he use tsukuyomi on him?
Twice
Why did he hurt his arm? Why did he go so far to make him hate his brother? To make him kill him? ''Madara'' said it was to protect him but Sasuke still has trouble seeing it. Was it to make sure Sasuke wouldn't see underneath the underneath? To blinded by hatred? Or was it to make sure he had a goal and wouldn't kill himself? But did Itachi think that after he killed him Sasuke would go back to the village? To be honest Sasuke did plan on doing that before he went to Orochimaru. But when he left to go to Orochimaru he had accepted he would never be able to return. He had betrayed Konoha after all. He hadn't thought about the ''after'' at all. He never thought he would be alive then and truth to be told he didn't care anymore after he went to Orochimaru. All he cared about was getting revenge. Now that he looks back, the path of revenge is a lonely road. After being reunited with his team he doesn't want to be alone ever again. He doesn't have to be.
If Itachi does not want him to be hurt why does he not help him get strong? He never trains him no matter how many times Sasuke asked.
''If you don't want me to get hurt, why don't you help me to be strong?''
Itachi gives a sad smile. ''Because I don't want you to go through everything I had to go through. I want to protect you from that. I don't want you to graduate early and not be able to connect well with children your age, I don't want you to be the focus of father's attention because for the good of the clan he will be harsh on you and have certain expectations. I don't want you to have to live like that. I can endure it. But you don't have to. When you got your sharigan I felt like I failed in protecting you.''
Sasuke never thought about it like that. But he guesses he can see the reason now why his brother doesn't want to train him. But that doesn't matter. Their family is shinobi. He will be to. That was already decided when he was born.
''But I will be a shinobi, it is expected after all.'' Sasuke replies.
Itachi's lips turn into a line. ''Yes it is. I guess I just don't like the fighting and wanted to keep you from that world. I realise now that I didn't think about what you wanted. I just don't want to see you hurt or lose you.''
''I don't mind being a shinobi. I enjoy training and I wouldn't be able to stay home knowing that my friends are out there in possible danger and I am not there to protect them. I also want to be strong to protect my clan, Shisui, my family including you.''
Sasuke walks towards his brother and bumps their foreheads together.
''I love you to and I don't want to see you hurt either. I want to be strong to protect everyone.''
Sasuke can see something in his brother's eyes changing as he talks. Sasuke wants to be strong. Strong enough to protect his team from Kaguya, to protect his clan from the massacre , Shisui from Danzo and Itachi from everyone that tries to use him.
''But I can see why you are reluctant. I don't want to force you and if it makes you uncomfortable I won't ask you to train me anymore. Besides Mother, father and Shisui are already training me.'' Sasuke gives a small smile. ''You can just watch me.''
Sasuke sits back on his bed. ''I am happy. I enjoy training with father, I enjoy cooking and training with mother, I enjoy training with Shisui, I enjoy walking around the district and talking to our clan and getting tomatoes. I enjoy everyone's company.''
So don't kill them please.
''I enjoy spending time with my friends and even though I have avoided you for a while I enjoy spending time with you to.''
''Then why have you avoided me?'' His big brother asks.
''I didn't know how to face you...'' After I realised I woke up in the past and you hadn't died yet, you hadn't killed our whole clan yet, Shisui hadn't killed himself yet. I hadn't killed you yet.
''After I got my sharigan.''
''I don't want to force you little brother...but I really want to know how you activated your sharigan.'' His brother pleads. Sasuke sighs. It might give his brother some piece of mind. But he can't tell the truth. Not the whole truth.
''I had a nightmare.'' Sasuke begins. ''Everyone was death. Shisui, father, mother, the whole clan'' and in the end ''you.'' Tears begin to form in Sasuke's eyes as he remembers that night. The feelings he experienced. The despair, anger, hate, sadness, betrayal and loneliness. He is suddenly caught by a wave of desperation and he jumps towards his brother and clings to him.
''I love them and they were gone. You love them to right?'' He pleads his brother. His brother gives a surprised and schocked nod at his little brother's sudden change in behavriour.
''Promise me.'' Sasuke demands.
He never wants to experience that again. He doesn't want to lose everyone again. He doesn't want to lose his brother again.
''Promise me you will never leave me!'' Not ever again.
''Promise me you will protect mother and father!''
''Promise me you will do your best to protect the clan!''
Itachi moves his arms to hold Sasuke and whispers softly.
''I promise Sasuke.''
''Promise on my life!''
He chose to kill his clan for Sasuke's life after all.
Itachi's eyes widen but he nods.
''I promise on both our lives.''
They stay for that for a while until Sasuke has calmed down but he doesn't move from his brother. He hasn't hugged his brother in forever. Instead he pushes his face into his brothers chest.
''I missed you.'' Sasuke whispers.
''I missed you to.'' Itachi returns.
''If you don't want to train me you could join me and mother with cooking. I am sure she won't mind.'' Sasuke proposes.
He still isn't sure if he can really trusts his brothers words. He still hasn't moved on from the day his brother broke his heart and trust. He doesn't know if he ever will. He does know he loves his brother and has missed him a lot. He wants to see what they can have even if it will never be the same again. He thinks he understands his brother just a little bit better and it makes me feel relieved.
Itachi gives a warm smile. ''That sounds nice.''
That evening was the first time in years that Itachi helped his mother again with cooking, this time together with Sasuke. The smile his mother directs at him when Itachi asked if she needed any help gave him a warm feeling in his chest.
Author's note
This was so hard to write and took like forever. It also became over 1500 but I couldn't find a place to cut it. I just do not understand Itachi. Why does he tell Sasuke to kill his best friend but tells Naruto to never forget his friends? Like can anyone explain that to me?
Things aren't perfect yet but I want it to be a little bit realistic. They are getting better too. Sasuke has stooped evading Itachi and they have talked. Next chapter will be about Fugaku so that one will also be hard to write as well and since this chapter is so long...I have decided to take a short break so no new chapter next week