Originally Published: Oct. 16, 2019

Last Update: Oct. 29, 2019

Disclaimer: Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this review in no way endorses a belief in the occult.

Outside of a cemetery, in front of an old iron fence, ambience from "Weird Al's" "Nature Trail to Hell" is heard as the camera pans to the right. The camera stops at the front gate as the title is written on it, with parts of the title covered in rust.

Magolor's Coffeehouse

Episode 10: "Kirby" WHY?

TinyURL: yy3com8v

Back at the Kirby Café, Magolor was at his usual seat, now dressed in Dracula's outfit from the Castlevania games.

"Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse," he said, visibly unamused. "As we continue down this creepypasta rabbit hole we call 'Spook Month,' I'd like to start off by saying that I have found a Kirby creepypasta that might actually be worse than the 'Kirby's Deadland' duology."

"You could probably already tell that from the cringe-worthy title. What kind of name is that? Sounds like something I'd be saying because I'm really starting to question my life choices right now."

"But, you know how it is. I gotta churn out a review a week in order to stay relevant, so here we go. This is…" Magolor said before shuddering, "... '"Kirby" WHY?'"

I Loved kirby When I Was Little,

"Ooh, bold lettering and random capitalization?" Magolor said with mock excitement. "This certainly equals an exceptionally awful time."

I Went To Buy A Kirby game For my Nintendo DS,

I Found A Strange SD Card Called,

"Final Fantasy XXX"

It Was Written In a Japanese Font,

"There are so many things wrong here, I don't know where to start," Magolor griped. "First off, what does Final Fantasy have to do Kirby? Second, if it's written in Japanese, then how can it say something in English. Thirdly, who writes like this? There should be a rule against letting five-year-olds write stuff on here."

I Took It And Went Home,

"Wow, you're an idiot. If you found it lying around, it's probably got a virus or something on it. You just doomed yourself, man."

I Put It In My Nintendo DS And Started Playing,

It Didn't Show The HAL Logo Like It Always Does,

There Was No Title,

Only Press Start,

I Pressed Start,

I Checked Through All The Files,

The Only File Was

"File 0"

Strange...

"I think that's a sign that you should take the thing out and throw it into a tank filled with piranhas."

I Decided To Click It,

El Macho: Somebody's going to die tonight…

JonTron: Two kids gon' die tonight!

There Was a Cutscene,

It Started With Blue Greens,

After reading that last sentence, Magolor spat out his coffee and fell into a laughing fit.

"Are you kidding me?" he said after calming himself down. "Did you seriously mess up 'Green Greens,' Kirby's most famous location (besides Dream Land)? Why would you think it's 'Blue Greens?' It just sounds so dumb!"

But kirby Looked Different,

He Looked Scared,

kirby Was Crying And blood Was Coming Out Of His Mouth,

"That's not scary. It sounds like Marx went too far with one of his pranks again."

I Decided To Control kirby,

But kirby Walked Slow,

"COME ON!" I Said,

"Kirby can dash, you know. If you're gonna play one of these quote-unquote 'haunted' games, at least be smart about it."

"So the narrator continues to play this game, even though they obviously shouldn't, and then we have an encounter with King Dedede."

But King dedede Had (hyper-realistic) Blood On His Hammer,

His Eyes Were Black

(hyper-realistic) Blood Was Coming Out Of His Eyes,

"Yay!" Magolor shouted with mock enthusiasm. "There's the crappy hyper-realism we've been waiting for!"

Then King Dedede Grabbed The Knife,

Then Dedede Said One Final Thing Before Killing kirby

King dedede: GOODBYE...kirby...

"A knife? Really?" Magolor said, irate. "Are you really that much of an idiot? Dedede has a hammer! If we were actually supposed to take this story seriously, then at least have him use that to kill Kirby.

The Screen Turned Black

then text read

(kirby IS DEAD... YOUR NEXT...)

Then kirby Showed Up,

kirby Was Still Crying And blood Was Coming Out Of kirby Mouth,

I turned the Nintendo DS Off.

I Never Played Any kirby Games EVER Again.

"Geez, does this guy even care? The writing is so lazy. In fact, it's so lazy that I think it's starting to affect my writing. Please, let's just skip to the ending.

So, For Everyone, If you Find An Odd SD Card, Don't Pick It Up! Instead, Leave it, Because That's What I Should've Done Rather Than A Look At It!

"NO S***, SHERLOCK!" Magolor screamed at the top of his lungs.

"I'm sorry. I can't give my view on this. It just sucks. I gotta take a shower."

Magolor got up and walked out.

The End

Special Thanks

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Thriller by Michael Jackson

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Despicable Me 2

Jontron: Are You Afraid of the Dark? (PART 1)

HAL Laboratory

He has no eyes with which to see

His every waking moment is misery

He has no mouth and he wants to scream

He only wishes it were all a dream

Now he wants for you to share his anguish

All your hopes and dreams will soon be vanquished