Because I love to pimp stories:
La canzone della Bella Cigna by philadelphic
Bright Like the Sun by Dryler
Oh, yeah, I don't own Twilight, although it seems like her characters own me.
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EPOV
Sleep had been impossible. I was way too keyed up to sleep. Jasper said she was coming back today and that she was going to her house, but he didn't say when. I made myself crazy looking at flight schedules online, trying to guess which flight she'd choose, when I could reasonably expect her to show up at her place. But the fact was that I had no idea. This is how I found myself doing a sick stalker drive-by of her house at the earliest hour I could hope to find her there. What I saw made my blood run cold.
For Sale.
The sign was tacked to the brand new red brick fence that now surrounded the property. The fence that I had installed. And worse, slapped on the bottom of the sign was a sticker: Sold. She'd sold her house.
I knew it was because of me and I felt fucking miserable.
I put my car back in gear and let it roll forward, my mind blank. As I coasted past the new gate at the end of the drive, I saw it. Her truck was parked in the drive where it had probably been the whole time she was away. But what caught my eye was the open cardboard box sitting on the ground beside it.
Was she there now, packing up her stuff? Was she alone? Seth was probably with her. Except after a quick survey of the driveway and the street, I couldn't see any sign of the black SUV or any other car, for that matter. Just her truck in the drive.
I pulled the Volvo to the side of the road and killed the engine. I didn't think, I just moved. I keyed in the security code at the gate and it sprung open under my hand. Yes, I memorized the security code before I sent her the package. I'm not proud of it. I also had a set of her keys. Hey, I did buy the fucking house. And the gate.
As I got closer, I saw the box was filled with books. Definitely her stuff. I really hoped Rosalie wasn't with her. That would suck, since I'm pretty sure Rose would kill me.
I tried not to speculate or let myself get too worked up, I just moved up her walkway to her front door. Which was slightly ajar. What the fuck? Again? Did she think that just because she had a fence and a gate now that she didn't need to bother with the fucking front door? For a cop's kid, she was shockingly trusting.
Taking a deep breath I stuffed down the annoyance. That's not why I was there and it was a distraction. If by some gift of the gods I could fix this and get her back in my life, then I could chastise her about the door.
Besides, the door made the next part a little easier. I just walked into her house, as quietly as I could. It was silent inside, no voices, no music, no singing. I was struck with the contrast to the last time I walked into her house like this, when I found her singing in her kitchen. On instinct I followed the same path to the kitchen.
And there she was, standing at the stove, her back to me, looking out the window.
My throat closed up and my breath stopped momentarily at the sight of her. I couldn't believe I was finally here in the same room with her again. She was perfectly still, her dark hair down, curling over her shoulders and back. She was simply dressed, jeans and a dark t-shirt. I couldn't see her face, but something about the set of her shoulders, the tiny tilt of her head…her whole body looked sad. I knew instinctively what she was thinking about, because it's what I was thinking about…me and her in this kitchen, that night.
I still had absolutely no idea what I was going to say, but I opened my mouth and started talking anyway. I was here to fix it, so I figured I'd start with explaining.
"Bella, I swear to you that nothing happened with her that night."
She screamed and spun, her hands flying to her chest.
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BPOV
I always loved the back yard here, and the view from the kitchen window. It was so lush and green, but in a wholly different way than the Pacific Northwest. The contrast was even starker now, since I'd just left Seattle this morning. It was all summery and alive out there, all the time. The kitchen was my favorite room in this house, even before…
Christ, everywhere I turned, everything I saw, made me think of him. And now that I was back in LA, it was going to be infinitely worse. Just driving down the fucking street and looking out the window at the view passing by would make me think of the time I'd driven down this street in Edward's car with him. Pathetic.
Certainly he wasn't wasting time thinking about me anymore. After that initial flurry of texts and voicemails, which Rose thankfully saved me from by promptly deleting them all, I hadn't heard a word from him, unless you count the deed to the house arriving from his lawyers, which I didn't.
It was hard to believe he'd so thoroughly taken over my life for weeks and weeks and then he was just gone. Like he never existed. Except Edward Cullen always existed. Our relationship and the Epic Meltdown were somehow still big news, so I couldn't watch network TV because there was always some gossip show running commercials featuring it. Renewed interest in all things Edward meant that all his old movies were in heavy rotation on cable TV, so I couldn't watch that either. Even though our song was a last minute addition as a bonus track, all the interest in us meant that radio stations were actually playing it, in addition to Alice's song, our official first single, so I couldn't listen to the radio. I had yet to hear myself on the radio, another life long dream that had to be delayed. And forget magazines. I couldn't even glance at the covers in the stores because there he was, there we were, on all of them. That wasn't really so much of an issue anyway, because it's not like I went into stores these days. I didn't go anywhere. I holed up in hotels and I avoided the world unless I had an interview or an appearance that I couldn't get out of. This wasn't exactly how I imagined it would be when I was daydreaming back in Forks.
At least the house sold fast. I called back to LA almost the minute I recovered from my collapse and had it put on the market. The closing was in two days, so I had to come over as soon as I got back to town to clear out my stuff. I'd only brought a few boxes of personal things when I moved down from Seattle, so there wasn't all that much to do. Rose and Seth wanted to do it for me, or at least come help, but I knew it would be hard for me and I wanted to be alone for this, so I made Seth bring me over straight from the airport and drop me off. I knew he was probably just sitting in the SUV a couple of blocks away, though, just in case.
It was harder to be here than I thought. This kitchen…it felt seeped in memories of him, even though he was only here that one night. It was almost like I could still feel him here.
"Bella, I swear to you that nothing happened with her that night."
I screamed and spun around.
Edward.
Standing unannounced in my kitchen. Again.
My brain was spinning while my heart pounded. He looked tired and haggard. He had purple smudges under his eyes, his jaw was covered with stubble, his hair was too long and a mess. He looked amazing. My body responded to the sight of him in spite of myself.
What was he doing here? How had he found me? Why did he come find me? And what the fuck was he talking about?
"Wh..what?"
He inhaled sharply, like he was steeling himself.
"I swear to you, nothing happened with Vicki that night at the club."
I looked down at my feet, because when I looked at him I couldn't think, I couldn't even breathe. I knew I'd probably have to face him someday, that we'd end up at the same function or something, but I thought that day would be a long way off and I really thought I'd have some warning. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be in command of myself. But his unexpected appearance in my kitchen when I was least expecting him was blowing all of that to bits and I was afraid I was looking like every bit of the shattered wreck that I was.
Vicki. He called her Vicki. Why was it so hard to find out her name, to hear him say it? Why did he come here to tell me about her? And how the hell could he say it didn't happen? I was there.
"Edward," I finally said, surprised at how level my voice sounded, considering my hands were shaking, "I was there. I saw you with her." I kept my eyes firmly on the floor. If I was going to have even a chance of getting through this conversation now, I couldn't possibly look at him.
"I was drunk," he said in a rush, "incredibly, stupidly drunk. I know that's a horrible excuse, but it's true. Hell, it's no excuse, it's just an explanation. I don't know how I ended up so wasted. I was blacking out for most of the night. I barely remember anything."
"Then how do you know…"
"She told me. She said she kissed me but I pushed her away and told her no. That was all. You just saw the very worst moment. She helped me get home and she left. I didn't even know what had happened until the next day when I realized you didn't come home."
He didn't sleep with her. I took a second to think about that. But he still left me so what did it matter what he did with her? That horrible tight crushing feeling in my chest was coming back full force. Why was he doing this to me? Did he feel bad about the media and the mess? Did he need me to absolve him or something? Did he want me to make him feel better, tell him that it was alright, no big deal?
"Why are you telling me this?" Much to my dismay, my voice was pinched, wavering and watery. I was crying, damn it.
I felt rather than saw Edward take a step towards me and instinctively I took a step back.
"Bella…I'm so sorry I hurt you. I should have been there for you that night and instead…" he closed his eyes and dragged his hand over his eyes. Then he drew a deep breath and started again, "I know it's unforgivable, what happened that night and what I did, but I hope…that maybe you could find a way to forgive me. Because Bella, I love you."
At those words, I looked back at him. His eyes were impossibly sad and pleading, his whole face twisted in pain. I heard the words, but it was like they were another language or I was underwater, and the meaning just wouldn't sink in.
Nothing that was happening here fit with what I thought I knew just a few minutes ago. Edward got tired of me and ditched me for some tramp in a bar. Edward left me without a backwards glance and didn't think of me again. That's what happened, right? But now Edward was standing in front of me looking for all the world like his heart was breaking and telling me…he said…he said he loves me…
I was faltering, I could feel it. The walls I'd built up so carefully all these weeks were crumbling under his onslaught. I spent so much energy repressing all of this just so I could function and now he'd come and blown it all apart. I closed my eyes tight and balled my hands into fists to stop them from shaking. I could feel hot tears streaking down my face. My throat constricted so hard that it hurt.
"Bella, please…" his voice was soft and I heard him take another step closer to me. I stepped back again, not ready to let go of my hurt and anger. I was afraid to let go, terrified of him and how badly he could hurt me if he so chose, how badly he had already hurt me, apparently without even meaning to. I knew if he touched me I was lost, I could never deny him. And then I'd be helpless before him, he could destroy me if he wanted to.
Edward took another step forward, I retreated. He kept creeping forward. I took one more step back and hit the counter.
"I should have told you right from the start," he said gently, "But it was all so screwed up, how we started, and I didn't think you could ever feel for me what I felt for you, so I didn't tell you. So many times…so many times I should have told you how I felt, I wanted to tell you how I felt. Just please…I love you."
I heard a sound, a strangled whimper, and I realized it came from me.
"I'm afraid," I whispered, my voice pained and raspy. He was only an arms length away from me now and still inching forward, never looking away from my face as I stood there and shook and cried and gasped for air.
"I know. I am, too. But, baby, I love you. I don't know how to do this, and I'm terrified, but I'm more afraid of losing you. I want to try. Just let me try. Please don't give up on us yet."
He finally reached out one hand and brushed his fingertips softly along my cheekbone. I turned my face into his hand in spite of myself, the blissful relief of his touch. I winced against the pain and fear I felt. He brought his other hand up to cup my other cheek. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath across my face, and I could smell his intoxicating scent. I wanted to touch him so badly that it hurt in my fingertips, I wanted the comfort I knew I'd feel if I gave in to him, the comfort I could find nowhere else, with no one else.
I felt the ghost of his lips brush against mine and I let my breath out in a long shaking exhale. I was right. Lost. I knew I couldn't hold out against him if he touched me. I didn't know anymore if I wanted to hold out, or even if I should. That wasn't true, I knew I didn't want to push him away, I wanted to hold on tight and never let him go.
So I did.
He took another step into me and pressed on my lips with his and I surrendered. I reached up and wrapped my hands around his wrists as he cradled my face, to steady myself. He angled his mouth over mine and I felt his tongue on my bottom lip. I sighed into him, my body instantly remembering this sensation, as I opened my lips to him and he slid inside.
It was soft and so easy, gently tangling lips and tongues. I felt my chest release, the pain of weeks slipping away. Edward's hands slid around my neck to cradle my head and his fingers knotted in my hair. He pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against mine, eyes closed, "Oh God, Bella… I missed you. I love you so damned much."
His mouth came down on mine again and his words finally began to sink in. He loves me. Edward loves me. The sensation of our kiss combined with the power of his words did me in. I love him. I have loved him for so long. And he loves me.
I reached up and grasped his face in my hands, pulling him in tighter to me, kissing him back, pushing my tongue against his. He moaned softly and wrapped his arms tightly around my ribs and pulling me up against him, practically lifting me off the ground.
When we couldn't breathe anymore, we broke apart and Edward buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. I kissed softly along his scratchy jaw to his ear around slid my fingers through his hair.
"I love you," I whispered against the warm skin of his neck.
He paused and pulled back to see my face.
"I love you," I said it again, firmer, looking into his eyes, the green shadowed with worry and fatigue. He reached a hand up to smooth it down the side of my face, softly, reverently.
"I love you, Bella," he murmured, his eyes intense on mine, "You'll never know how much."
He kissed me again and it was changed, charged. What had started out as a balm for the pain, comfort and reassurance, heated and grew desperate. Six weeks without him. I wanted him, needed him. Edward pulled his lips from mine, tracing them to my earlobe where he nipped it before moving lower, kissing my neck, licking my skin, sighing in relief against me. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I heard myself moan and I buried my fingers in his hair, holding him tight to me.
It was like he could read my mind. "I need you," he murmured into the crook of my neck. He picked up his head and met my eyes, then slowly swiped his thumbs under them, pushing away the remnants of my tears.
I reached up and took his hands away from my face, twining our fingers, and began leading him through the house, back to the bedroom. He pulled his hands free and closed the gap to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind, burying his face in my hair, as we staggered forward.
"I love you…" he whispered over and over, gripping my hips, kissing the skin between my neck and shoulder. I pushed the door open to my tiny bedroom, quiet and untouched for weeks and weeks. The wooden blinds were nearly closed, but the brilliant LA sunshine crept into the room in hazy golden slits.
We reached the edge of the bed and Edward grasped me by the hips, spinning me roughly around to face him again. He reached up to grasp the back of my head before crushing my mouth with his. I moaned and pushed my tongue hard against his, feeling his desperation and lust, feeling my own. He moved forward into me and I hit the bed and fell back. He came with me, falling on me, pressing me into the bed with his delicious weight, his lips never leaving mine.
His knee pushed in between mine and I opened my legs to him, letting him settle into me. He groaned into my mouth as his hips pressed into mine. His hands slid frantically down my sides to the hem of my shirt, pushing it up, his fingertips making the skin of my stomach burn where he touched me. I writhed under him, desperate to feel his skin on mine. I released his hair and moved to the buttons of his shirt, but I was having a hard time making sense of them with him crushed against me like this.
Abruptly Edward reared up off me and rapidly unbuttoned it himself before ripping the shirt off and throwing it away. He reached down and grasped my t-shirt where it was bunched up, pulling it up and over my head. He paused for a moment, up on his knees, looking down at me as I lay beneath him in just my bra. His eyes were half-closed and dark with lust in the dim half-light of the room. He slowly reached out a hand and dragged his fingertips from my shoulder, across my collarbone, down between my breasts and over my ribs.
"Fuck, you're so beautiful." His voice was low and ragged. I pushed myself up off my back, reaching up to grab him by his hair and pull his face to mine. I kissed him hard, tracing his bottom lip with my tongue, then gently biting down on it. He hissed before kissing me back, pushing me back down on the bed.
I felt his hand reaching down, gripping the back of my thigh, hitching my leg up.
"Edward…" my voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Now."
He sat up again, just long enough for both of us to wiggle out of our pants, before he was on me again. He lifted up just enough to hook his fingers in the sides of my panties, yanking them down over my hips. I squirmed beneath him, shimmying them down to my feet and kicking them away. Then he was back, on top of me and then we were there, together.
I moaned and arched against him and he fell onto me, crushing me beneath him, wrapping his arms fully around me as he pushed deep into me. And we were joined in this most intimate way, but it was so much more than it ever had been before because he was mine, truly, and I knew it. I wanted to cry with the realization of it. He loves me.
He must have felt the same electric connection between us because he muttered into my neck. "I love you, Bella. So much."
He pushed up slightly onto his elbows and the pace picked up. This wasn't slow or easy, this was us clinging to each other, making physical what we'd just declared. This was us, wiping away weeks of pain and longing and denial.
"Edward, I…" I could feel the end approaching.
"I know, baby. Yes…"
Then I was over the edge, groaning and gasping, twisting my fingers in his hair.
"Bella…" and he followed me over.
His shuddering arms gave out and he collapsed on to me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my heels around his calves and held him tight to me. I didn't want a breath of air in between us. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, breathing heavily, intermittently planting tiny kisses on my neck.
"Love you," he rasped.
"I love you, too," I whispered, gripping him harder.
I loosened my hold on him just enough to let him settle down next to me. We lay still for a few minutes, eyes closed, dragging in long breaths, until Edward spoke and broke the silence.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he sighed. "I feel like I can't ever say it enough. Like I can't ever make it up to you."
I shook my head.
"We have to let it go. Please," I turned my head to look at him. He was on his side, propped on his elbow, pressed up against me. His eyes were shadowed with sadness. "If we're going to go forward together, then I don't want to look back anymore."
He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded reluctantly. I sensed he was willing to prostrate himself eternally for this, but I was being truthful. I wanted to leave it behind. It didn't matter anymore. We would talk about it all soon, to put it to rest, but not now. Now there was just us, just this. We would start again, for real.
Edward lay back, nestling his face in my hair beside my neck, one leg thrown over mine, his arm clamped around my waist, his fingers stroking my side. We lay there for a long time, drifting, recovering. I was thinking. There was something playing around the corners of my mind, something bothering me. I hadn't even quite sorted out what I was feeling and thinking yet, but I knew I wanted to say it, and get it out there now, while we were putting things to rights.
"I'm sorry, too," I murmured.
He stilled next to me.
"What are you sorry for?"
"I had no faith in you," I said, trying to find the words for what I was thinking, "You may not have told me you loved me, but I think you were showing me all the time. I just didn't believe it. I made up my mind about you from the very start. I didn't think you would ever be capable of feeling like that about someone. Isn't that awful?"
Suddenly I felt perilously close to tears. My voice started to crack on the last words I said.
Edward levered himself up on his elbow again to look down into my face. He reached up and smoothed the hair away, running his hand over my cheek and down my neck.
"I have never given anyone any reason to think I was capable of more, Bella. Why would you be any different?" he said softly. "I wasn't capable of it until I met you."
I reached up and grasped his face in my hand, shaking my head.
"That's not true. You always were, you just didn't know it."
He smiled down at me indulgently.
"See? I don't care what you say. You have more faith in me than anyone I've ever known."
I laughed a little, "Well, maybe now I do, even if I doubted you once. So are we even?"
His eyes grew intense as he fixed them on mine.
"You love me," he said quietly. "I'll be eternally in your debt for that, Bella."
My heart felt like it would explode clear out of my chest. It was like a dream, laying here with Edward, seeing him looking at me like this, saying he loved me, being so damned grateful that I loved him. It was everything that I never even dared to hope for. I pulled his face roughly down to mine so I could kiss him again. He pressed back against me, kissing me slowly, lingeringly, enjoying it, savoring it. After all, we had all the time in the world now. We belonged to each other, completely.
At that moment, his cell phone chimed from the pocket of his pants, thrown somewhere across the room. He groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder.
"Fuck you, whoever you are. We're not leaving here," he growled.
"Well, we can't hide here forever," I murmured, stroking his hair lightly as reality intruded into my thoughts a little. "The house belongs to someone else as of the day after tomorrow. I have to get my stuff together and get it back to my hotel."
Edward was quiet for a moment and then he abruptly shoved up off the bed and sat back on his heels, pulling me up to a sitting position to face him. I was startled by his sudden movement, wondering what he was up to. He reached out quickly and gripped my face between his two hands.
"No hotel. I want you to come back home with me." His face was fierce, his eyes intense.
I sat there staring at him for a moment, my mouth hanging partly open. Edward just asked me to move in with him.
My brain quickly spun through all the reasons why it was a terrible idea. We just got back together…like twenty minutes ago. And we'd been together before under the most peculiar, dysfunctional circumstances. It was way too soon, it was way too fast. Edward had never been in a serious relationship before and we should go slow, and build this over time. I could hear what everyone would say, all the warnings they would give me, that it was crazy and he wouldn't stick it out and I would get hurt.
I stared back into his eyes, into his urgent, hopeful face.
Fuck everyone else. I listened to what everyone else said about Edward before and I ignored what I saw for myself and all that had done was break both of our hearts.
I know Edward. I love Edward. My Edward.
"Yes." The word slipped from my lips.
His face split into his dazzling smile before he surged forward and crushed me in his kiss.