Days turned into weeks. Castle tried to contact her, tried calling her, even tried going to the precinct, but she cut him off before he could even say a word. She sent him home with an "I don't want you here. Get out." and since her tone truly seemed to mean it, he'd decided it was for the best to listen to her. Sending text messages didn't do anything better either, she'd texted back saying she wanted him to leave her alone. And so he did. No matter how harsh it hit him, how hurt he felt. Perhaps it had been a mistake, sleeping with her, but it had been both of their choices, right? So, she couldn't give him the blame, at least not all of it.

Sitting by his desk he once again wondered if he should try calling her again. He was trying to write, Nikki Heat, but it felt wrong without being able to see his muse. Yeah, she'd kill him if he said muse, but it was what she was. She was his muse. He hadn't written a single word since she drove him away from her. Still, he couldn't get her off his mind. The way she touched him. The way she smiled at him when she didn't think he was looking. The way she felt in his hands. Fuck, he missed her. And not just the way she looked, or felt, he missed the way she talked. The way she talked to him. He missed her intelligence, how she didn't believe everything he said. She never once got hung on his words the way all of his post-famous girlfriends had gotten. She didn't treat him any different. Maybe that's why he kind of fell for her.

The sudden ring of his phone had him jump in his chair before he reached for it, expecting it to be Alexis or his mother. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the 12th as the caller I.D. Was it her?

"Castle," he answered, trying to be as casual as he could.

"Hey, it's Ryan. There's a… something happened."

Castle felt his face go pale with the bad feeling entering his body. His veins freezing to an icy cold. They would never call unless it was her. "What happened?"

"We're actually not completely sure… Beckett just collapsed, she's in the hospital right now but we're still unsure as to what happened," Ryan said in an insecure tone and Castle was already up on his feet, picking up his jacket to get out.

"Which hospital?" he demanded and only waited long enough for Ryan to give him the name before he hung up in order to get out of his loft as fast as possible.

It didn't take long to get a taxi, and he promised to triple the man's tab if he hurried to the hospital in a way that, truth to be told, was illegally fast. He didn't care though, his partner was in the hospital! Or, whatever they were now considering their long break. In his mind they were still partners though, at least that's what he hoped for.

Castle was out the door even before the driver had even stopped the cab, had already thrown the money to the man behind the wheel long before he'd told him about the price. Probably paid overprice but he didn't care. As long as he got to her he didn't care.

"Yo, Castle!"

He twirled around at the sound of his name and met with the sight of Esposito standing by the elevators. It didn't take him long before he was striding towards the detective who held up the elevator doors so he could join him in his journey up.

"What happened?" He asked and before the latino could answer another question was out his mouth. "Is she okay?"

"She was chasing after a suspect and just collapsed right in front of us, Ryan took care of her while I continued after the suspect. She didn't show any sign of waking up until we got here and she hasn't stayed awake for long enough to talk to the doctors."

Castle's heart quickened as the panic started to flow through his veins. She wasn't awake for long enough to speak to anyone? Then how was she supposed to get better? What was even wrong with her?

"We don't know," Esposito answered his question, a question he had apparently said out loud without his intention. "The doctors won't tell us, and her father says he can't tell without her permission because it's 'sensitive'." He made the bunny ears in the air as he quoted the man Castle had never met before. The thought made him nervous, her father was there.

Castle couldn't help but wonder what Beckett had told her father about him. Had she told him about that night? Would the man hate him? Did she hate him? Oh god.

"You coming Castle?" Esposito broke him out of his thoughts and Castle realized the elevator had stopped.

"Yeah!" He took off following the detective towards the room where she was apparently staying in.

Esposito didn't hesitate to go through the door and held it open for him to follow, but the hesitation in him made him tell the detective to go ahead inside while he just gathered some strength. He leaned towards the wall, his hands over his face as he tried to take deep breaths. Never before had he ever felt so… scared and nervous.

"Richard Castle." He jumped a bit at the sound of his name and looked up at the gray-haired man standing in the opening to her room. "Nice to finally meet you son," the man reached out to offer his hand.

As soon as Castle took his hand in order to shake it the man smiled stating; "Jim Beckett, Katie's father."

Castle's eyes widened and he felt his heart starting to beat rapidly. What did the man know? Did he know about that night? And what the hell was going on with his daughter?!

"Is-uh… is she okay?" Castle had to clear his throat in order to get his words out, was nervous because he hadn't expected to meet the older man so soon.

Jim chuckled and got a small smirk on his face as he shook his head. "She's fine, just too much work and stress." Castle nodded slowly as he tried to avoid eye contact with the elder man. "You should go in and see her, you know."

That had him look up though, meeting the eyes of the detective's father which were sparkling with something he suspected was mischief. The man excused himself, saying he was going to go get something to eat, and Castle smoothed down his shirt before taking a deep breath to gather strength. Once he went through the door he stopped dead in his tracks. He had to, in order to catch the breath that got sucked out of him seeing her in a hospital gown, cords going from her body into a monitor as she seemingly looked like she was sleeping. Even though she looked peaceful he had a feeling there was nothing peaceful about it at all.

"Hey Castle," Ryan said and that when Castle noticed he was sitting on the couch by the window in order to keep a close eye on his sister-in-arms.

"Hi, any news?" Castle asked the detective as he walked closer to his partner, former partner?

"She was awake a couple minutes ago but she fell asleep almost right away again."

Looking down at his partner he could see dark shadows under her eyes, she might look peaceful but she definitely looked tired. Was all this his fault? Because of what happened that night? Maybe she didn't get enough sleep because she thought too much on what a mistake it all seemed to have been. God, what if it was his fault? How was he supposed to move on if it was? How was he supposed to function before she got better? Because she had to get better. If she didn't… he didn't know what he'd do.

"She's going to be okay," Ryan frightened him with his sudden words and he couldn't stop the jerk in his body from the scare. "Sorry." The detective mumbled but Castle just shook his head. Why was he so jumpy?

"It's okay, I'm just…" he couldn't find the words. Which was kind of ironic considering he was a writer.

"Us too, bro," Esposito reassured him with a nod, knowing exactly what emotions were running through the writer's mind.

Without another word they all sat down in chairs, all waiting for their friend to wake up again, all hoping it would be sooner rather than later.

When she awoke the first time he was there she was looking at him in a way that made him think she didn't believe he was there. Truth was he didn't blame her considering they hadn't exactly seen each other since that day at the precinct when she'd told him to stay away. She'd only spoken to him once she understood both Ryan and Esposito could 'see him too'. Castle couldn't help but wonder what that was about, but before he could even get a chance to ask her she was drifting off again.

The second time she woke up she stayed awake for longer, much longer considering all the other times she'd been awake, and this time the doctor appeared and shooed them all out in order to talk to her about her 'condition'. After that only Jim, Beckett's dad, was allowed inside. It was on Beckett's own request and even though he felt sad he wasn't allowed to speak to her yet he was even more relieved that none of her brothers were called inside either because that meant it wasn't just him she avoided at the moment. Once they were allowed inside again she was falling asleep again, this time Jim actually said it was exhaustion from the shock she'd endured, but he still refused to tell what this 'condition' of hers was.

Castle had to go home then, needed to eat a proper meal and take a shower. Going home he realized he had some explaining to do, both his mother and his daughter wondered where he'd been and what was going on. He told them everything then, about how miserable he'd been during the weeks he'd not heard a single word from her and how his heart had broken hearing she was in the hospital. How frightened he'd felt. Alexis had looked worried but when he tried to assure her the detective would be fine she'd admitted it wasn't his partner she was worried about. His daughter had known he'd been miserable, and now she feared the detective would break his heart once again. To Castle's surprise his mother had taken his side in it all, she'd said it was Castle's choice whether to stay with the detective or not. She'd also rumbled something about soulmates but he hadn't quite listened to that. He didn't dare listen to that. Because if he did… he might start to believe it more than he already did. And if it turned out to not be that way he wouldn't survive it.

Anyhow, as soon as his family would allow it he'd gotten into the shower and then not thought twice before going back to the hospital. He wasn't sure what he thought he could accomplish by going back there, but he hoped he would be able to speak to her once she woke up again. At the hospital he met Jim Beckett, who told him the detectives had gone back to the precinct and then had headed home. They'd known Jim wouldn't leave his daughter's side and so they'd simply told him to call them if any of them needed them. Castle hadn't known what to do, maybe he should've gone home again?, but then Jim invited him to sit down in a chair beside him and so he did. They didn't speak for about ten minutes before Castle couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"I really hope I'm not imposing, but if I do you need to let me know. I don't want to be the painful irritation she's told me I am." He hadn't really meant to say the last part, but once it was out he realized just how true it was.

She'd constantly told him he was a pain in the ass the last two years of shadowing her and even though he'd teased her and annoyed her on purpose at times it truly wasn't his intention anymore. He liked her, cared for her. If she didn't want him there, or even if her father didn't want him there, he would be gone in a heartbeat. Sometimes the best you can do for those you care for is let go. Even if it hurts.

Jim chuckled and Castle looked at the older man with confusion entering his face. "You're not a pain in the ass Richard," the man shook his head with an amused smile on his lips. "My daughter might not always share her feelings but I can tell she doesn't see you like that. These two months that you've been gone," he sighed and looked over at his daughter laying no more than a couple feet away from them. "Let's just say she's missed you. A lot."

Castle narrowed his eyes in suspicion but didn't comment. At least not at first. "But she kicked me out, told me to stay away, yet here I am. Running to her the second I heard something's wrong, god what's wrong with me," he muttered as he put his hands over his face.

"Nothing son, absolutely nothing," Jim said and glancing at him Castle saw the big grin the old man had plastered on his lips.

"Dad?" the small whisper startled him and his eyes immediately went towards his partner in the bed turning her head towards them. "Castle? What are you doing here?"

"I'll let you two talk," Jim raised from his chair only to move in closer to his daughter in order to kiss her forehead before he gave Castle a nod of encouragement and walked out.

Suddenly his heart was beating so hard he had no idea what to do. His hands were sweating like crazy. What if she kicked him out again? He tried to gather up his courage, knowing he owed her an explanation.

"I-uh, I'm sorry, I just…" Castle stumbled across his words and took a quick breath before he tried to explain himself. "Ryan called and said something had happened, he said you were in the hospital and I just couldn't… I couldn't just not come. I'm sorry."

She looked at him and he could feel how he stopped breathing, anxiously waiting for her reaction.

"You don't have to apologize Castle," she wiped her face with one of her hands and grimaced at the sight of the cords connected to her body. "God I hate hospitals."

"Me too," he agreed and she nodded. "Only time it's a joyful one is when a new baby is born." Her gaze met his eyes and he was confused to see it was filled with fear and shock.

"Did someone tell you?"

She looked as serious as the day she told him about her mother's murder and it confused him because… told him what? "Tell me what?"

"About… uh," she bit her lip and if she hadn't he wouldn't have seen the small quiver she tried to hide. "Why I'm in here?"

Oh. "No… they haven't told me anything. Your dad is the only one who knows anything because they wouldn't tell any of us. You should've seen Lanie. I got here just in time to see her outburst about it. I had no idea she knew so many curse words in so many languages," his eyes were big and to his surprise his partner laughed.

"Yeah, don't get on her bad side is all I'm saying," Beckett looked down at her hands.

He followed her gaze in order to not make her feel like he was staring at her, he didn't want her to think he expected to be told what was wrong with her. Of course he wanted to know, but he also didn't want to put that pressure on her. If stress had been one of the reasons he didn't want to give her any more than he'd already given her. Her fingers were trembling and he had to force himself not to grab them with his. His whole being wanted nothing more than to comfort her, pull her into his chest and tell her everything was going to be okay. But he didn't have that role, didn't have that privilege.

"I'm…" she started but cut herself off. "You remember that morning when we… when everything changed? Well, something changed more than any of us could've predicted. As you know I ran. It… It got too real. I've not done anything real since…" since her mother died. He didn't need her to say it to understand, and when her eyes met his he could tell she knew she didn't have to. "I don't know what happened, how it happened. I mean… we used protection for god's sake," her hands flew up to her face and she quite literally hid herself from him.

She stopped explaining then and it took Castle longer than it should've to understand where she was going with it. What she didn't want to say out loud. Why her manner seemed trembling. It explained the exhaustion. It explained the stress to her body. It explained the dehydration. The passing out because of it. It all came down to one thing and Castle almost cursed out loud with the shock suddenly, explosively, entered his mind.

"You're pregnant." It wasn't even a question. It was a statement. Because no matter how absurd and how shocking it was, he knew that was her 'condition'. That's why the doctors wouldn't say anything. That's why Jim had been so teasing when they first met. Jim knew it was his baby.

"Yeah," it wasn't louder than an exhale but he heard it loud and clear. "I noticed my period was late, but I never thought this. I'm not… I'm not fit to be a mom," the last part was only a whisper and he had a feeling she hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Of course you are," he immediately countered. "You're going to be a great mom."

Her stare told him exactly how much she disbelieved him. "I really won't."

"Do you remember that missing child case we had?" he questioned and he could see the confusion in her eyes.

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you remember how you acted when you picked up that little girl? Do you remember how you talked to her the whole time to keep her calm? Do you remember how gentle you were? That's proof you will be a great mom."

She started to shake her head. "No, it's not. That was different."

"You're right, it was different," he nodded. "Different because it wasn't even your kid, you're going to be so much more with your own kid."

He could see she was nervous, could see she really didn't think she was ready, and even though he didn't like the option he knew it was her decision.

"You know you still got a choice, right?" he asked and she tilted her head in question. "If you don't want to be a mom yet, if you don't want this baby, you can still abort it."

Her eyes popped wide open and she started shaking her head violently with a "No" leaving her mouth. He couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved. "I know it's a good option for people who don't want a baby, can't take care of a baby or got pregnant with the wrong person but it's not for me. Those people are more than welcome to do abortions if they want or need to but I don't want to." Then her eyes snapped down to her trembling hands again. "Is that what you want?" It was barely a whisper.

"What? No! I'm just giving the option," he stated and they locked eyes with each other.

"You…" she swallowed hard. "You're not mad about it?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" he wrinkled his forehead. "Condoms can still fail, it's not like I didn't know the risk. Of course it's a surprise because it's failures I've ever only imagined could happen to someone else but there's always a small risk. The only way the risk would be gone would be if you're unable to have kids at all, and we both know I'm capable due to Alexis."

She looked like she was releasing a breath of anxiety, finally being able to relax into her bed the way she should be resting considering she's been out for a few hours due to stress. Castle felt his heart ache to kiss her again, to snuggle her close and tell her everything will be alright. But he didn't know if he had earned that right or not. Because even if she was pregnant with his kid the last thing she'd said to him before all this was that it had been a mistake and that she didn't want him in her life anymore.

"But-uh, where do you want me in all this?" he quietly asked, needing to know his role.

She looked at him with question in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath before he let out his worries. "I mean… last time we talked you said you wanted nothing to do with me," her eyes went down to her hands again, "and I respect that if that's what you still want but… I was ready to dive in with you. I wanted t-to be with you. And I still do," he only mumbled the last part. He was afraid of what the answer would be, afraid she'd send him on his way. Sure he could probably demand to be part of the kid's life, but he respected her too much, loved her too much, in order to do such a thing. Of course he'd try to keep tabs on them, just to make sure they were okay, but he wouldn't intervene unless she wanted to.

"I don't know," she whispered. "My whole… being is screaming to walk away." The way she whispered he knew she had a hard time trying to word her feelings, and so he waited in order to let her sort everything out in her mind first. "That I… I can't do this without her." Her mom. "That I don't… I can't have anything real until I've gotten justice for her. But…" her hand went down to her belly and she bit her lower lip in an anxious movement, tears starting to fill her eyes. "Now I got this and I don't know if I can do this. I feel all alone."

When she quieted and didn't seem to be about to say anything more he couldn't be quiet anymore. "You're not alone. You got me," he offered and he saw a twitch in her lips indicating a small smile. "And as long as you let me I will not leave your side, ever."

"Do you mean that?" she asked, her watery eyes searching his.

Without hesitation he reached out his hand, holding it towards her to let her make the decision to take it. Her eyes flickered to his hand and it took a few seconds before she took it and met his eyes again. "I promise."

A/N: Thank you so much for all the response on the last chapter! Hope you all with enjoy the rest of the story just as much! Until next time, xxxx