"How do you want to do this?" he asked and observed her face getting paler and paler for each second that went by.
Her eyes were all over the place and he wondered if he should reach out and grab her or not. But after what happened the last time he was too pushy he wasn't sure that was the right tactic.
"I don't know," she breathed out and her eyes focused on his, for a split second that is. "I don't know if I can do this."
Castle couldn't stand watching her so full of agony anymore and thought 'screw this' as he reached out to pull her into his embrace. "Sure you can, and you're not alone remember? We can do this together." He kissed the top of her head and even though he could feel her body relaxing he had a feeling she wasn't exactly letting go of the anxiety.
"They'll be here any minute, how is… I don…" she sighed and nuzzled closer into the crook of his neck. "Lanie's going to kill me, the boys will kill you and Montgomery is going to put me on paperwork," she mumbled and he couldn't help but chuckle at her predictions. "Don't you dare laugh, three out of four don't even know we're together! How the hell are they going to handle us being pregnant?!" She hit his chest with a fist and he tried to smother another chuckle. In reality he was both amused and excited to see their faces as they tell them, he'd considered getting out the video-camera just to eternalize the moment but he figured that kind of act would only freak out his girlfriend even more. And that was something he didn't want to do.
Instead of doing anything that could make her even more upset he hugged her just a little bit tighter as he kissed the top of her head. "It's going to be okay, Kate. Let's take this evening as it comes, one step at a time, remember?" He mumbled into her hair and she let go of a calming sigh.
"One step at a time," she agreed against the skin of his neck, making him shiver at the touch she so easily let him feel nowadays.
Kate had been the one to suggest they'd share the news over dinner, needing to tell all of them at the same time just to make sure no one would feel left out. Of course, Lanie already knew they were together, since Kate had spilled the beans after all the nerves for their first date, but after a lot of prompting Kate had made sure the M.E. hadn't told any of the others. She'd also been strict about them not touching at the precinct, had given him warning looks whenever he looked at her too long. So she was sure none of the boys knew, nor their captain. Castle had been the one to send out the invitations though, saying it was a sort of get-together after the handful of weeks they've all had at the precinct and that they needed to meet up for a beer or two just to relax and talk about everything and nothing, catching up on their private lives. Kate had simply said she'd be there and then the rest had fallen in, saying they would love an evening of just relaxing and hanging out with friends. Lanie had asked her, on the phone after the day of the invitation, if this was when they'd officially share them being a couple. Instead of answering Kate had told her friend to stop overanalyzing and to agree to the relaxing evening already.
The sudden knocks had Kate jerk away from her partner and before she could do anything he pulled her closer again to kiss her lips, melting her insides in a way that turned her body into liquid. Castle figured it would be the only way to keep her body from stressing too much about what was about to happen. As he walked over to the door she took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, mentally preparing herself for whatever would come their way.
"Hello boys," Castle greeted as Esposito and Ryan walked through the door.
"Yo," Espo greeted and laid eyes on Kate. "You didn't carpool with Lanie?" he asked and Kate shook her head.
"No, I figured I'd get here sooner to help Castle with dinner, turned out he didn't let me help though," she rolled her eyes and her coworkers chuckled as they accepted the beers Castle brought them.
After that it didn't take long before both M.E. and the captain had arrived as well, Lanie requesting a glass of wine while the captain was satisfied with a beer like his detectives. To Kate's relief none of them questioned why she was cheering with a glass of soda instead of wine or beer, she knew they noticed because of their quick stares but at least they didn't voice their minds. Perhaps it was due to Castle also noticing their questions and steered them away by teasingly asking her if she never let her guard down, to which she rolled her eyes and answered she wanted at least one of them to be sober so none would fall into his stupid quests. If it hadn't been for him and his normally goofy self she would've never been able to make it to dinner without stressing herself to confess the real reason they were there. They kept the conversations light during dinner, Espo and Ryan teasing Castle about his good cooking while Montgomery lectured them on how it was an amazing skill to have in order to get a woman to stay with him. Lanie started teasing Espo how that might be the reason he didn't have a woman.
"Okay, I'm full," Ryan said while rubbing his stomach and they all chuckled.
"Then you don't have room for dessert," Castle more stated than asked and Kate had to bite her inner cheek in order not to laugh. He'd worked so hard on that dessert all day it would be a shame if no one would be able to at least taste it.
"Uh, of course I do!" Ryan exclaimed and Espo immediately agreed saying there was always room for dessert.
They all helped take care of the dishes so Castle wouldn't have to deal with it all alone, and once that was done Castle told them to sit down on the sofa while he took care of preparing coffee for the cake. Kate sat down on one couch with Lanie, leaving a place for Castle too while Ryan, Espo and Montgomery sat down on the second couch.
"So, how's Evelyn and the kids doing?" Kate asked her captain and his eyes turned into a glaze of pride.
"They're doing great, ever since the small operation Evelyn is feeling better than ever. Which makes it so much funnier to do stuff since she's not in pain any more," Montgomery explains and they all nod to show their support. "How's your father doing though? I heard something about him going back to AA's?"
Kate never understood why he was keeping tabs on her family, but she guessed it had something to do with him knowing of her mother.
"Yeah, he called me saying he met someone who he recognized from when he was struggling. A friend who kept him going to the meetings even when my dad was about to lose hope, and he found him at a bar with a drink in front of him. So he decided he'd be the help his friend once was," Kate explained, remembering the phone call.
She'd been quite afraid when she'd heard the words 'I went to a bar yesterday', had felt the panic running through her veins. I can't deal with him falling back. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. But the chill in her veins had disappeared again when he said he had gotten a call from an old friend who needed help getting out of there.
As Espo and Ryan started discussing some basketball game with Montgomery quickly joining them, Castle entered the area and sat down beside her on the sofa. Without thinking Kate immediately skipped closer to her boyfriend and snuggled her side into him, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched her friends converse. It had turned into such a normal habit, comfortable habit, that she didn't even think twice about it until three pair widened eyes were looking at her along with one pair fully gleaming with a wide smirk to go along with it.
"Wha-?" Espo started but couldn't seem to get anything else out of his mouth.
Ryan didn't have any more luck as his mouth kept opening and closing, as if he was dropping his jaw over and over again. Lanie simply watched her with excited eyes while lastly her captain was the one to actually voice the elephant in the room.
"So, you two. Should've figured you'd finally given in," he said as his shock turned into amusement. Kate had always had a feeling her captain had let the writer shadow her for a reason but she never quite would've thought it was to match them up.
"You two are adorable," Lanie exclaimed and Kate gave her one of her looks.
"Wh-You knew?!" Espo pointed a finger to the M.E. and she just shrugged with a knowing smirk.
Kate bit her lip and looked up at her partner, who was watching the ordeal with amusement playing in his eyes while he flickered his eyes towards her too. Probably making sure she wasn't feeling uncomfortable. She didn't, at least not while being safe in his arms, but she knew there was one last thing they needed to get off their chests before the evening was truly over. So, after taking a deep breath she eyed their friends and opened her mouth.
"There's one other thing," she felt his hand, which had sneaked around her the second she snuggled into him, squeeze her shoulder in support. "Or, it's not really a thing," she put emphasis on the word. She'd said it hundreds of different ways in her mind the whole week, this was how she'd ended up deciding to say it. She reached out to take the hand of his that wasn't around her and his eyes gleamed when he understood what she was doing. Placing their hands on her belly she looked up at the unknowing family in the room. "It's more like a small person, that's growing for every day that's going."
She guessed that Castle was rubbing off on her because if it had been before they met she would've just said the words 'I'm pregnant', but she felt like this was much more exciting. And seeing their faces slowly understanding the meaning of her words totally made it worth it. They all pretty much shouted 'WHAT?!' at the same time, apart from Lanie who was suddenly screeching in a high pitch tone with her hands shaking in the air as if she didn't know what to do with herself or this new information.
"Are you…" Espo started, not able to finish his sentence but Kate could see by the flicker of his eyes that he was definitely thinking of the correct condition.
"...pregnant?!" his partner finished his sentence for him.
Kate bit her lip and nodded, feeling the father of her soon-to-be-born-baby's fingers stroke calmingly on her belly, most likely trying to relax her nerves. He knew her so damn well.
"How far along?" Lanie questioned and the question had Kate's heart thrum with nerves despite his calming demeanor.
"I-uh, week 15," Kate breathed out and she could see the eyes pop out of their sockets as their friends looked at them with utter shock.
"Fifteen?! When the hell were you planning on telling me?!" Lanie shrieked out and Kate ran her hand through her hair, the silky hair that kept getting thicker and more smooth as her pregnancy went deeper.
"Right now?" she answered before anyone else could say anything.
"And you're the father?" Espo asked with his eyes on Castle, his tone so skeptical it would've been funny unless it was such a serious question.
"I am," Castle said proudly and when Kate looked at him she could see the big smile on his lips. When his eyes met hers his grin widened and she hit him in his chest, which resulted in him leaning down to give her a quick kiss on her lips.
"But… 15 weeks ago, wasn't that when you two stop…oh," Ryan started and Kate felt her cheeks turn red. Of course they would start counting, and figure it all out.
Lanie was suddenly looking at her with knowledge written in her brown eyes. "That's why you fainted! You were pregnant and didn't take care because you didn't know!"
"And why your dad wouldn't tell us your 'condition'," Espo hummed.
Kate couldn't help but notice her captain had been quiet during the whole ordeal and she wondered if that was a good or a bad thing. What if he wouldn't let her work anymore now that he knew? Or worse, what if Castle wasn't allowed to be her partner anymore? That thought hadn't occurred to her before but now it was scaring the crap out of her! N.Y.P.D. had a policy, no coworkers dating. She hadn't thought of it because technically they weren't coworkers since he didn't actually work there, but what if Montgomery didn't see it that way? Then again, his first comment hadn't exactly sounded negative. Kate glanced towards captain Montgomery and saw his eyes, which were set on her belly, her and Castle, were filled with the same kindness he'd always given her whenever there had been talk about her personal life. He's always disliked her digging herself into the hole being her work, so whenever something progressed in her private life he always looked so proud.
"So, do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet or do you want to wait until birth to find out?" Lanie asked excitedly and Kate bit her lip.
"We've decided to wait. But it was a long discussion," she told them. She looked to her partner and he chuckled.
"Yeah, it wasn't an easy choice," he commented, thinking back to the first argument they'd had when it came to the baby growing inside of her belly.
She'd wanted to know, he hadn't. They'd had the argument at her place, thank goodness, and it had turned heated very quickly. She'd come with the argument that it was her body and her choice to know while he'd tried to convince her it would be a lot more fun to find out once they meet the little human. After having screamed at each other for what had felt like forever, her having tried to get him to leave her alone and tried pushing him away again, she eventually broke down in tears. That's when he'd stopped for a minute before he'd embraced her in his arms and she'd started sobbing against his shoulder. Once he'd held her for a while he'd asked her what all of this was really about, and she'd told him she didn't like how many things that were out of her knowledge, out of her control. She wasn't used to not having everything planned and somehow she'd gotten the idea that if she at least knew the gender of their little one then perhaps it would become more bearable with everything else. He'd just held her then, telling her that everything would be alright and that even though it might feel as though everything was out of control at least they were in it together. And that no matter what happened he would always be by her side. That's also when he'd told her that if it would make her feel safer and more secure he could overlook the fact that their baby's gender wouldn't be a surprise left for the birth, that if she truly wanted to know they could ask the doctor at her next ultrasound. He would much rather have her feeling alright than make her feel uncomfortable. That's when she'd mumbled he was right, that she didn't really want to know, it had just been her fear taking over. She'd thought she'd have more control but she'd realized that no matter if she knew or not it wouldn't make her have any more control over the situation than she already did.
"Have you thought of any names yet?" Ryan asked and Kate shook her head while she heard her partner open his mouth beside her.
Before he managed to say anything though she looked at him with a stern look. "No, we're not considering Cosmo."
Her partner closed his mouth again, looking at her with that foolish grin. "Not yet." She groaned and their friends laughed at them.
They continued to answer their friends' questions and all the while Kate couldn't stop snuggling with her partner. She couldn't believe how easily everything had gone. It felt so natural somehow. She could've never imagined what a relief it all would be to finally let their friends in on their little, big, secret. And to know all of them were completely ready to help out any way they might need them to felt so amazing. One part of her was questioning why she hadn't told them all sooner, but at the same time she knew this was the perfect timing. She and Castle had had plenty of time to figure things out on their own before involving everyone else and that felt pretty great too.
Kate didn't realize she was tired until she had dozed off against his shoulder and he was gently stroking her cheek and kissing her forehead, whispering for her to wake up to say goodbye. When she did she saw her best friend look at her in awe, her eyes telling her she couldn't wait for a day out with only the two of them so she could grill her with all the questions she couldn't in front of the boys. When they said goodbye Kate got embraced by all of them, each one hugging her and congratulating her on the pregnancy. Montgomery lingered a bit only to tell her he was so happy she'd finally find something worth pursuing outside of work.
Once they'd all left Castle was the one to suggest they should go get ready for bed. It didn't take long before they'd both brushed their teeth and were crawling into the king-sized bed in his bedroom. After a minute of silence she turned onto her side in order to observe him as he seemed to be deep in thought, his eyes turned up to the ceiling.
"Penny for your thoughts," she whispered and he smiled before looking at her.
"I was just thinking," he started and she could tell he was trying to find the right way to say whatever was going around his mind. "I know we said that we would go slow, or at least as slow as this baby-situation allows us to, but…" he stopped talking as he wrinkled his forehead and she got the feeling he wasn't sure how to continue.
"But what?" she asked, and hoped to god he wasn't thinking about marriage. They'd talked about that, or at least she'd told him she would not accept a proposal because of them having a baby together. She was not interested in getting married just because life intervened and made them pregnant together. She wanted to marry him because she and him wanted to get married and felt it was the right time, not because a baby was about to be born.
He turned in the bed, his eyes observing her as he opened his mouth again. "Let's say the baby comes, where would he or she sleep? Where do we prepare the nursery? Here or at your place? Both? I don't think it's a great idea for a baby not to always have the same room to sleep in. And we're already so often together, spending the night with each other. Either here or at your place. So, I was thinking… what if you moved here? That way we could turn the guest room into the nursery, and we could keep the baby in here with us for the first couple weeks or months or whatever time it might take." His eyes showed insecurity, fear of what she might say. She got a feeling he was afraid she would run.
"You want me to move in?" she asked and he nodded. She started biting at her cheek. It would be more practical, she agreed with that, but at the same time… would he even have asked if it weren't for the baby?
"Yes, I would. Kate…" he answered her question and she realized she was so tired she didn't even think to put up the filter between her brain and her mouth. When he saw he'd lost her attention again he put a careful hand on her cheek, gaining her attention again. "Kate, I love you."
Kate felt her heart beat faster, felt her belly once again fill with butterflies as she could feel the blush entering her cheeks, turning them hotter than before. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth as she didn't stop the smile from entering her lips.
"I love you too Rick," she sighed with relief. She had no idea how much she'd wished to tell him until now, saying it into the night. "And I guess we could try." She shook her shoulders and he chuckled as she started giggling.
He leaned forward and claimed her lips with his in a heated kiss, leaving her breathless once they parted. She quickly snuggled up onto his chest, using it as a pillow as the sound of his heartbeat was beating like a lullaby.
"Night Rick," she whispered and she felt his lips move in her hair.
"Until tomorrow Kate."