Rule # 21: Never insult Starscream's voice. (By Naughtia)

(It's so scratchy and squeaky sometimes.)

(It hurts my ears.)

(I asked him if there was something wrong with his vocorder, and offered to schedule him an appointment with Knock Out if there was.)

(Don't give me that look – I was joking. I knew there was nothing wrong with him.)

(Unfortunately, Decepticons don't quite understand the concept of sarcasm enough to detect when you're being serious or not.)

(If that dumb-aft Seeker'd talk to me more, then maybe he'd catch on like pretty much everyone else has – except for Megatron, of course.)

(Instead, he tried to step on me, and I had to apologize because this whole thing happened in the medical bay.)

(Knock Out didn't appreciate me constantly 'antagonizing the crew.')

Rule # 22: Starscream is not the Dorito of Doom. (By Autobot-Mayday)
(I thought the nickname funny, but Starscream didn't.)

(He absolutely hates it.)

(He demanded to know why he was being compared to a human snack food.)

(My answer… he's shaped kind of like a triangle – and so are Doritos.)

(He certainly didn't take that well. I think confronting him about it in the rec-room wasn't my best idea…)

Rule # 23: High-heels do not a femme make. (By Autobot-Mayday)

(This occurred when Knock Out first brought me to the Nemesis, so I didn't know much about Cybertronians back then.)

(I saw the high-heels and thought, 'Oh, it's a girl Decepticon.' Because, honestly how many guys do you know who've ever worn high-heels?)

(So asked Knock Out what 'her' name was.)

(I swear, the medic looked about ready to die, then and there.)

(Starscream's reply: "THIS HUMAN DARES CALL ME A FEMME?!)

(That ended up being my first instance of being afraid for my life – and realizing just how fragile I am compared to the Decepticons.)

Rule # 24: Questioning Starscream about the appearance of his frame is not acceptable. (By Anonymous BW FG)

(He's got a normally proportioned torso – though it seems bulky in comparison to the rest of him. And then those skinny little arms that look almost doll-like on him. But what's most out of whack are his legs – thin and stiletto-heeled!)

(Everything works together because of the color scheme, but take that away and he'd look like a jumble of mismatched parts.)

(I asked him why he looked the way he did, 'cause, you know, his frame looked weird to me.)

(He said very calmly, "It is more streamlined this way.")

(Of course, I had to argue about that. I asked him to jump of the edge of the warship in his primary mode so we'd see just how streamlined his frame really was.)

(He retorted by asking the same of me.)

Rule # 25: You are not allowed to record Lord Megatron's voice, no matter how hilarious the results. (By Anonymous BW FG)

(It turned out that Knock Out had grabbed my Ipod along with my detailing supplies. And it, being a sixth generation Nano, it had a video and voice recording feature on it.)

(I snuck into the bridge while Megatron was berating the gray Seeker for yet another failed mission, and recorded the entire thing – Starscream's whimpering and all.)

(My laptop was also among the things my guardian brought for me. So, then it was a simple matter of editing the sound-bytes I had recorded to take out all traces of Starscream's voice, increasing the volume of Megatron's, and downloading the finished product back onto my Ipod.)

(I waited until everyone was in recharge and made my way to Starscream's quarters, Ipod in hand. Careful not to wake him, I hid near the door – who knew how quickly I'd have to escape? – and played the edited audio.)

(Had I not thought to put in earplugs, my eardrums would have ruptured at the sheer volume of the audio. It did its job, waking Starscream up as easily as if I had gone and yelled in his audio receptor.)

(He hid under his berth, cowering there until I started to get tired and turned the recording off.)

(By that point, he realized he had been made a fool of by a human.)

(I'm proud to say I got out of there with only a scratch, but I'm not sure how much energon Starscream wasted in trying to shoot me…)

Rule # 26: Starscream and makeup do not mix. (By Rainy-Day)

(I had a bad case of boredom, and it probably didn't help that I was coming down with a case of something akin to what my relatives in Hawaii call island fever.)

(I wanted off the slagging warship right then. I wanted to go racing with Knock Out, or even my Uncle. Pit, at that point I would've settled for Vince.)

(But both KO and Breakdown were busy – something to do with Synth-En – so that ruled out racing. Airachnid was off limits after the paint incident. Hardshell and the Insecticons wouldn't offer suitable amusement. The Vehicons were all busy. Dreadwing was no fun. That left me with Starscream.)

(Luckily, Knock Out and I had gone to the mall two weeks previously, so I had an ample supply of makeup.)

(And I must add: I'm getting pretty good at applying it.)

(I'd already learned that most Decepticons despise the color pink, so I went with a sort of bluish-purple.)

(I didn't wait around to find out what Starscream did after he woke up and looked in the mirror that had oh-so-conveniently appeared in front of him. I was not in the mood for another episode of getting shot at.)

Rule # 27: Don't introduce Starscream to Youtube. (By Mrs. Knockout)

(I showed Starscream one harmless little video about Nyan Cat and suddenly he was surfing Youtube for hours.)

(Then, just for fun, he looked up his own name.)

(Up popped the video Starscream Cookies.)

(Primus, Screamer, why'd you have to click on the link?)

(He watched it, and after it finished, he didn't move. His optic twitched a little, but other than that he was completely still. Took him about five minutes for him to regain enough sense to yell, "What atrocity is this?!")

(I hadn't been paying attention to the video, so I replayed it – without Starscream's permission.)

(It was hilarious.)

(I mentioned that I thought the human trying to talk like Starscream sounded pretty good.)

(A thud echoed in the room. I turned around.)

(Poor Starscream. I think I made him glitch.)

Rule # 28: Don't interrupt Starscream's monologue.

(He gets very, very annoyed.)

(Apparently, telling him to take his pathetic aft somewhere else to conspire against Megatron is an insult.)

(Once again, I spent a good portion of my afternoon dodging missiles and the like.)

(I'd like just one day where someone on this warship had even a little sense of humor. Just one day. Is that too much to ask?)

Rule # 29: As far as you're concerned, Starscream is the rightful leader of the Decepticons.

(Only when no one's listening and Starscream directly asks you what you think on the matter, though.)

(I made the mistake of replying, "Only if Megatron takes a nosedive.")

(I remembered Knock Out mentioning that he once told Starscream the same thing. Didn't think much else about it.)

(Turned out, Starscream remembered, too.)

(And he wasn't fond of the memory.)

Rule # 30: Despite being punished for everything that goes wrong on the Nemesis, whether or not it is actually his fault, Starscream is not Megatron's whipping boy.

(Starscream didn't get it at first. Then he looked it up.)

(His expression should have told me what he thought of the comparison, but I stayed put, waiting for a response.)

(I got one, in the form of another fractured rib.)

(That brings the count of broken bones up to twelve.)

Next Chapter – When Bored, DO NOT…