Disclaimer: I have not played Pokémon Sword or Pokémon Shield yet, but I have seen playthroughs of the games, so I at least have a decent idea of what I'm talking about.

Magical Friends Media Presents…

Gryll's Reviews and Rants

Episode 04: Pokémon Sword & Shield

Gryll waved to the nonexistent audience and said, "Hello, everyone! I'm Gryll, and this my review of Sword & Shield, the newest installments in the Pokémon franchise!" Then she let out a long sigh and muttered, "Boy, I have my work cut out for me."

"Back in September, I talked about the backlash that these new games have gotten. This time around, what I've said before means absolutely nothing. I'm simply going to take what I've seen from these new games and give my thoughts. Plus, as a bit of incentive, I'm going to try and find three good things about these games."

"Now, the first thing I like about this game— ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this—" she said, shaking her head with a look that said she was going to regret her next action for the rest of her life, "the graphics are pretty good."

Suddenly, the crowd began jeering and booing at Gryll, with one of them even throwing a tomato at her. Luckily, she ducked just in time for it to fly right over her. Once the crowd began to settle down slightly, she took the opportunity to stand her ground. "Well, they are." she said. "Don't be mad at me for telling the truth."

"Now, I am very aware of Game Freak's laziness when it comes to improving Pokemon's graphics to fit the standard of HD console quality. We've all seen the T-posing Wingull, the Nintendo 64-esque trees, and those 'high-quality' Pokémon animations. However, there are moments where the graphics really shine, like the towns and cities. Yes, they could've been better, but at least it wasn't disappointing."

"You know what else was neat?" Gryll asked. "The new Pokémon."

The crowd returned to their booing. Gryll simply rolled her eyes and said, "Your boos mean nothing. I've seen what makes you cheer."

"I mean, I get it. Some of these new Mons are pretty silly, like Gex 64 and whatever Scorbunny evolves into. That being said, we also got Wooloo and that cute yellow dog… what was its name, Yamper. Yeah, that one. And of course, we can't forget about Mr. Rime! Truly, he is the best Pokémon we'll see in a while."

"But perhaps the craziest thing about the new games is the Wild Area. On the surface, it's pretty innovative, by Pokémon standards. It's a wide, open space where you can find a whole slew of Pokémon. The only problem? When you unlock it, the wild Pokémon are crazy over-levelled, it's not even funny. I mean, people have been complaining for years about Pokémon games getting too easy, I guess this was just their way of shutting those people up."

"Okay, so the new games aren't that good. That's fine with me, though. There's much better Pokémon games floating around the Internet that you can play. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play Pokémon Crystal Clear and silently hope that Game Freak cleans up their act. Have a nice day!" Gryll tipped her hat and walked off to the left.