Chapter II: Introspection

Why does it always have to be this warm? I increased the speed of my paces longing for the coolness of my bedroom. I thought that in six years of living in a humid and warm environment I would accommodate. No such luck. I was sweating like a pig and I couldn't do anything about it. And I hated the way the air would make me feel sticky. The air. Even the elemental powers were working against me. My body just really, really, really hated heat.

It also didn't help that it was almost June. The sun was constantly torturing me, bright and round like a circle of hellfire high on a clear summer sky. Even the earth seemed to emanate heat, warming my feet and short legs. Everything was short about me. I hated it. My shadow was the wrong size and so was my eye level. Or at least that's what my mind told me. Did I use to be this short and small? Geez, kids really are short. I wanted to roll my eyes at my own statement. They are kids, of course they are short. And here I was! Mentally talking to myself. And scowling too.

Actually, I did that quite often, oblivious to my surroundings. But hey, this is the fence around the compound, right? At least I wasn't lost. I felt myself frowning. I hated having so little control over my emotions and my reactions. I still had doubts this world was real. That any of this was real. Now and then I would feel like walking in a dream or phantasm, chasing some weird product of my imagination. But of course, even my imagination wasn't this vivid, and under no circumstances would a dream be this long. Six years…. How the time has passed. Maybe even time is compressed?

I stopped. Raising my eyes to the symbol on the high fence, I cleared my face of any emotion in case anyone was around. And there were people, walking around, out and in the compound, some in green vests serving as a uniform or just in plain dark-colored clothes. With a last glance at the white and red – quite opposite from the preference for dark clothing of the members wearing it – I took a deep breath and followed an old woman inside. Why me? The question wouldpop randomly in my head now and again, because everything felt like a fevered dream.

Why me…what? I just kept my head low walking down the street, avoiding people around me, trying to pass through as inconspicuous as possible. It was stupid. I knew they had better things to worry about than staring at a child walking home. But these people were part of my family , not family, clan. That sounded so… pompous. But in here that was a rather ordinary term. To me, the concept weighted much less than it did to these people and I felt… inadequate.

Although, the same now uninterested people made it clear in the first years of my arrival that I was a stranger, even an intruder. Yes, I was one of them, but at the same time I wasn't. I wasn't born here. I was brought here, in the middle of the night by a stranger and not even by someone from the clan. I raised my eyes from the ground and looked around. Why should I be ashamed? From what I knew this world wasn't even real, and even if it was, I still had no reason to be so humble to these people. I didn't choose to come here, I didn't even choose to be born again! I was six for fuck's sake!

As expected no one was staring weirdly at me and no one was whispering around pointing at me. But it felt like they would. Anxiety. Social anxiety. They used to though. Three years ago. But not in a obvious way. Just long stares and whispering. The mysterious child that came into the clan. Witch no family, no name and no guardian. Now they just didn't care, or they got used to me moping around, which was fine by me.

I arrived before the most imposing house of the compound. To my child eyes, it seemed enormous. As if the curled roof would be able to graze the clouds. It was just my imagination, of course, but I found myself lost in daydreaming more and more every day. I looked at it again with shivers running down my spine. I knew this house very well. I did not linger too much, actually, I started walking faster, as if it was haunted. Of course it wasn't (not yet), but for me it was ominous. I shook my head. Not now, reason. After another twenty minutes, I was home. Record time, social anxiety for the win. I really missed my phone and headphones. The compound was huge.

I opened the door and peeped, carefully sneaking inside. Perhaps she's not home. I prayed the Valar she wasn't. Yeah, but which Vala? Could I still name all fifteen Valar watching over Middle-Earth? This was silly, but as a self entitled nerd master it was my duty to remember all the fantasy lore I've been feeding off of. After a mental check of my nerd legendarium, I was rather content to find that yes, everything was in place. I was far too obsessed with Tolkien not to. It was perhaps the only thing linking me to home, to my word, to myself.

I sneaked along the hall of the house, remembering the exact number of steps on the hallway passing the rooms she could possibly be in at this hour. She could be in the guests room…nope, a quick glance into the room assured me she wasn't there. She could be in the small entry to the left… nope, not there either. Perhaps she's in the garden. Almost there. I passed the kitchen, one step from the staircase which led to my room and the next level of the house.

'"Welcome home, Kaya."

Shit, shit, shit. Not that name. I grimaced, still not turning. She scared the shit out of me. I turned slowly facing the kitchen, heart beating fast in my throat

"'Oh, hi there." I said ignoring all cultural conventions and picking up the cat that started brushing my knees. '"You must be new here." Just like me.. The little ball of grey fur started purring immediately as I proceeded to stroke her head and chin. '"Hello Nekkobaa'".

I cursed myself for being so… occidental? Out of place. And time. The problem wasn't language, noooo that came naturally almost like … dare I say, magic? It was imbedded in my brain now since I grew up with the language and learnt – still am learning – to write in it. But of course, it wasn't magic, yet Japanese felt so natural. And yet my thought process was English. Since when is being bilingual a bad thing? Since it was messing with my head. Like a two ways radion that never shut up. Or perhaps so I thought, after all I was programmed to perceived it as such, I couldn't just throw 19 years out of the window. URGH, why was everything so confusing?

The Cat Granny didn't flinch at my informal 'hello' and turned towards the stove. This woman…. is very strange. I entered the kitchen and five more cats welcomed me. I didn't mind the cats, I minded only the cat-obsessed Granny. But maybe that was too strong of a word. I loved her cooking and there was always someone there to welcome me home.

All I could see now was her orange dress and big grey hair, but I knew she had her cat ears on to keep the hair from her face, and her favorite purple scarf. Damn my shortness for not being able to see much. The food was smelling delicious so who was I to complain?

To think that they assigned her as my tutor…. And by them, I meant the head of the clan which was only one person really and the Elders of the clan, of course. I did remember (although I didn't want to) when I was called before the head of the clan. The Clan decided to claim me officially – no one except of Uchiha members could live in the Uchiha compound, can you believe it? Who would have thought – after two years of life, though I couldn't why. Or how. How did they determined I was actually an Uchiha?

However, my memory wasn't reliable; I could only remember fractures of memories: the man who leads our clan and this bat-shit crazy granny, who was said to be called upon with the sole purpose of taking care of me. That was odd. Because to my understanding, Nekkobaa wasn't an was an ally, but not a member. Well, I knew they couldn't just let a two-year-old fend for herself, since such a thing was absurd, but the context was …. odd. I should be grateful; they took me in and gave me a name, well a last name, and claimed me as their own.

But these people were cold. Distant. And they did not regard me as anything but a stranger. Whispering and staring as I walked, and turning a cold shoulder. And me? I was far too preoccupied with figuring out just WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. I didn't have time to dwell on all that. I only had time to take in as much information I could and use it, mold it with my own knowledge in order to survive here.

"'How long 'till dinner, Nekkobaa?" I complained playing with an orange cat, which mowed desperately.

"Eeh, aren't you impatient?" she said turning to me and squinting her eyes. "I've just started and you better not disturb me! Cooking is an art. And leave poor Mikasa alone!"

I snickered at the name. Yes, I liked Attack on Titan. I let go of the cat and got out of the kitchen happy to leave Nekobaa to her cooking. She'll call for me when she's done. Or the cats will. Another white cat eyed me as I was walking along the hall and up the stairs. Treats, they're begging for treats. I swear these cats could think just like humans. The only difference? They couldn't talk. False. Some can. Yes, but those were kind of far from here in an abandoned city, where Cat Granny's granddaughter, Tamaki, was.

She would often talk about Tamaki, with the cats gathered around her. She was, in fact, spending her time divided between me and Tamaki. Every week she would leave for that city and I had the house all for myself. When I was even younger she would once two weeks or so and some weird fellow – I never got his name – would stay with me. I never understood why she couldn't just take me with her. I should be kinder to Nekobaa. It must be awfully tiresome. I didn't spend much time with Cat Granny, despite living in the same house.

I entered my room and jumped on the bed. … now what? I stared at the ceiling as if waiting an answer from the whiteness or from the shadows the sunset sent on the walls. They were dissolving in a fiery orange and red, almost like being eaten by flames. Darkness drowned in fire. Despair drowned in confusion. Or the other way around? I furrowed my eyebrows.

I am soooo tired. Exhausted. I knew Nekobaa would worry again but it couldn't be helped. She knew I couldn't sleep well at night, and the medic's only conclusion was that I did not wasted my energy during the day. ADHD much? The reality was much darker. I had nightmares of suffocating under an oppressive amount of water. Falling through the air, until my ears would give up,or my mind snapped. I started taking long walks around the village just so I could be exhausted and just drop dead very night. Also, this way I could learn my way around the village and compound. Children my age would play together or walk around with their siblings. I was way too paranoid someone would notice I'm different to do any of that. So I stayed away from kids and adult alike,as much as possible.

How… can all this be real? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Yet here I was, sitting on a bed, in an anime world. As a completely different human being, with a different family. Well…. More like NO family. It was…. overwhelming. Too much for my tired mind. I was thirsty for sleep, thirsty for understanding, thirsty for … death.

I jumped out of my bed and reached for a piece of paper and a pencil. Let's see what we know so far. I hit myself in the head with the pencil, jumping back on the bed. I. Not 'we'. I don't know why I started referring myself to 'we' when consulting my mind. So…. I started doodling a scheme. First, the blonde woman and the man. Until this day I still didn't know who they were. I was thinking about this constantly. Even in the first years. I shuddered. Those were the worst. I refused to talk to anyone. Not because I didn't know how, or that I was unsure of my words, I just refused to speak even one word. Shock. Waking up in an infant body while having an adult mind would do that to you. I just spend my time thinking, and thinking, letting other people explain to me who I was in this new world, what was happening and take care of me.

Back. Go back. Back to the blonde. I wrote above the 'blonde woman', the word 'reincarnation'. It was the only thing that made sense. I remember seeing fractures of a fall and blood. I must have died and then, was born again… here. I hoped I wasn't just fabricating those memories or whatever they were. They were my only clue to what must have happened. Reincarnation. In a world that wasn't supposed to exist. Or was it? Perhaps my world wasn't the only one, maybe there was a multitude of worlds and I ended up being reincarnated in such a world. So, a multiverse. I wrote that down as well. To think that I ended up in an anime… or manga.

Back to what happened before the blonde woman. I died? There was the strong possibility that I did fall from somewhere very high and was stuck in a coma and all of this was my mind trying to keep itself together. Then why does it feel like it's actually tearing itself apart? I massaged my temples and space between my nose. Soo tired. And yet, if the blonde woman was my 'new' mother then the man was definitely not my father. But he is the one who brought me in Konoha. And named me (thanks a lot for 'Kaya', jackass), and informed the head of the village of my lineage… At least that's what I had managed to gather from Nekobaa. And he knew my mother which may or may not be dead. I liked to believe that if she was alive she would have searched for me. It was a high possibility that he knew my father as well. My father is an enigma. No, not entirely. This brought me to the next chapter.

I wrote with firm letters 'Uchiha' on the paper and stared at it. This world made me a Uchiha. I am an Uchiha. Or was I? How did they arrive to this conclusion? Is anyone that claims they have an Uchiha baby allowed to just…dump it here? It wasn't necessary a bad thing that I was an Uchiha. Yes, yes, it is. I mean what could possibly go wrong, with the exception of the Massacre, in which EVERY Uchiha member dies with the exception of Itachi and Sasuke (and Madara and Obito, but hey! They are supposedly dead)? This was worse than being reincarnated as Sakura's sister, or something. Or twin sister. Or retarded twin sister with the same pinkish hair but horrible appearance, and lower level of intelligence. I remember my consternation when they told me that I was an Uchiha. The words didn't want to register in my mind. They still don't. I did live in the Compound but everyone pretty much avoided me and I avoided them.

How did I end up in the Naruto world again? Oh yeah, I still didn't know. So, my mother was an unknown blonde and my father was an Uchiha. Were there blonde Uchiha? I for one, never saw one and Nekobaa stared at me for a solid minute when I asked her. The Uchiha got killed – no, will get killed – by Itachi because they plan an uprising in the village and he has to choose. His choice is to save his younger brother, who grows up to hate him and swear revenge as his ultimate purpose in life. Uchiha Sasuke. I wrote the name with capitals. Who gets put in a genin cell with Haruno Sakura and Jesus – Uzumaki Naruto – Christ. I smiled at the little triangle I made for the trio. And I'm in the same academy year with all of them.

Ah, Ninja Academy. A fresh new kind of hell. Have I ever complained about school being boring? Because I take that back. All of it. Academy was pure torture. I wrote it down as well. The being a student part wasn't too bad, but being forced to interact with other students 'my age' was. I was the weirdo that didn't want to be social and would rather hide. Me and Hinata.

So…. what next? Provided that I don't get killed in the Massacre (highly probable; imagine being reborn just to be killed in a mass murder, ha), I should pass the Academy exam and become a genin. Or should I? I knew part of what was going to happen but some things were a blur. And not because I did not remember, but because I never paid attention to the anime. I just had heard about it from a friend and once I started it I wanted to see if I can watch it until the end. That's it. That's why I watched the anime. I certainly did not pay enough attention to details. Which meant,I would have to self-educate about this world, becase whatever advantage I had by knowing the series from my world was highly unreliable.

My arrival here was not good. I was going to change things and I did not want to. It was bound to happen. I was the ripple that wasn't supposed to happen. I wondered if I was the only one. What if there are multiple people who die and get reborn into other universes. What is there are variations of the same reality/universe. What if we are in a matrix and we experience several existences? My head was spinning. Ok. Enough. I was going into alternative and augmented reality territory.

My main concern was the Uchiha Massacre. Whether or not this world was real, for not it seemed real enough for me. Will I be killed during the Massacre? Will it even happen? What if it won't? But what if it will? How do I survive it?

Simple answer: I won't. I was six years old. I had no power over…anything. I couldn't do anything. I've been potty trained only a couple years ago by a Cat Granny. And I was debating how I could survive a mass murder? I could go to the Hokage. And say what? I was a kid. No one believes a kid. Also,wasn't the Massacre an inside job? I was fucked. I was undoubtedly and irrevocably fucked. Well, me and the rest of the Uchiha. Except Sasuke. I looked at my piece of paper and realized how dark the room got. Maybe… I had a chance actually.

I caught one of my black strands of hair. So different. Will I ever watch myself in the mirror and not see a stranger? This… black mess of hair was drastically opposite from my dirty blonde curls. I missed them. I missed them fiercely. I missed home. I missed my cat, I missed myself. Why Naruto? Why not other fictional world? They I thought of Westeros. And Panem. And Sauron. I guess it's not that bad. The Lannisters send their regards.Yeah, definitely Naruto wasn't that bad.

Some scraps at my door announced me that dinner was ready. I got up and opened the door letting Mikasa in. The cat came and brushed my legs softly.

"What is it, cat?" I asked her. "Is dinner ready? Yes? Or did you come all the way here for some gooood belly rubs? You're a little spoiled ball of fur, aren't you? Yes you are." I said bringing the cat up in my arms. I could barely hold it. And I hated it. I hated how weak my body was. I had passed adolescence once already! I was free of hormonal imbalance and bursts of anger. I stopped mid-step while struggling with the cat in my arms and trying to get down the stairs.

"Oh, no" I whispered softly. "Oh no, no, no, no, no. I have to go through puberty again."

Somewhere in the kitchen the Cat Granny was feeding five little puffy balls of fur, purring in pure contentment.

Revised chapter numero 2. I'd like to point out that I played with the idea of multiverse and reality in this chapter and it's more an invitation to contemplation. Wouldn't it be rad if after death our brains got stuck into a fabricated reality of our choosing? I'd go into the West with the Elves, in Valinor and drink tea with Tolkien, before nothingness swallowed me whole. I'll always choose this over reincarnation or Heaven.

Moving on, to editing chapter 3.