4
"SO, I don't know how it happened but somehow it did" the Doctor said as he watched the man sitting opposite fiddle with a coaster. The Doctor didn't even know he had coasters for the cups but it looks like there are some shaped like fish of all things. Huh.
"Well… there are a couple of theories, the most likely that he was crying" Ianto said softly, "That is the most likely way. I have problems with that one though… since… things happened since."
"I understand now, I know why you were confused" the Doctor leaned back "I am sorry I did not understand it, I did not listen did I. Now, now I know. So there are several choices here … the most likely is to simply do as he wants you to but now I know the dynamics here we both know you will not be subservient to him."
"I never was. That is the problem. Ianto Jones was never a simpering fool… he just played the game. Jack also played the Captain role well but it was never him. Don't' you get it Doctor? We all wear a face. Not just you!" Ianto snorted "I know I have to choose who I am. I have to make my own mind up on who I will be. I can't try to live as I was, I cannot be who I was because I was not the same person I am now… clearly there were times and actions that were needed at the time and the shame or anger of those actions should not be mine to carry either."
He Doctor rose and left him sitting there. He had to have time.
"Jack" the Doctor called out "Come help me change out the rotator valves in the Flux room."
.
.
Ianto was back in the garden room. He was leaning against a tree. An apple tree actually, Sol 3 … Granny Smith. Ianto was holding an apple. He was looking at it intently like it had all the answers to the universe and Jack slid down to sit next to him, looking at the apple too.
"I have decided" Ianto finally said.
"OK?"
"I have listened to the voices in my head, looked at the memories of those who argue with one another like spoilt children… I have considered and let my Windy-Woo heart weigh everything. I am still so new, still becoming… you know that right? It can be weeks… even months before I am fully myself. But I have let my heart decide. My Windy-Woo heart, grown of flesh and blood, not memories and echoes. I have decided who I am."
"Good" Jack said softly "And I hope whoever that is… he has a place for me."
"Cariad… I have decided that I want to be Ianto. Of all the choices, he is the only one that is… well… right. I was made to be him, cultured and created… his voice and his memories seem the most real. The rest are simply echoes so… I am going to let go of all that. I am going to turn from the past and look forward. That is Windy-Woo too ya know. We live a very long time and if we hold onto everything then there is no room for the new. Right? You of all people understand that."
Jack took Ianto's face in his hands and pressed their lips together, the response was not only familiar… it was… Ianto. Finally, Jack felt the man he knew in his arms as Ianto leaned in, pressing Jack back to kiss him with more energy.
Ianto.
Jack clung to him, the relief and delight in finding his mate again so raw that he had to fight tears, Ianto's soft crooning as he stroked his face like coming home from a long period away at war or something.
"Ianto" he croaked "There you are!"
"Yes Cariad. Here I am" Ianto replied with a grin, his forehead resting against Jack's and Jack was comforted. This WAS Ianto. Not-Ianto seemed to have left, evacuated the space leaving the man behind that was supposed to be there.
What a relief.
.
.
"So… Ianto" the Doctor said slowly.
"Yes. That is my choice to make and the decision is now made. I shall be Ianto" he nodded.
"And when the Windy-Woo rushes in? The other?"
"If needed, I will embrace that side. If I need to be vicious, if I need to fight… I will accept that side of me but for now… I will let the dominant me be Ianto. Not just for him. Maybe a little for him, if only because I know the level of affection there that he still tries to hide out of fear… no. I remember being Ianto and I LIKED him sometimes. Comfortable. Yes. I don't have to second think myself, I don't have to analyze or do conflict resolution. Being Ianto if the most natural… easy of them."
The Doctor nodded, knowing that Ianto was speaking the truth.
If the Windy-Woo was ever cornered they might be in for a nasty surprise.
Because that 'other' him was not at all … Welsh.