Rule # 71: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not constantly make fun of Prime's frame. (By inkdragon13)

(Specifically his hips…)

(He ignored me at first, but I kept mentioning it.)

(Whenever he tried to talk to me I'd mention it. Sometimes when he'd walk past I'd wolf-whistle. Once I asked Prime if he was popular with the femmes and mechs – because, come on, even the two-wheeler doesn't have hips like his – on Cybertron.)

(Still, he ignored me.)

(Then I played Hips Don't Lie on my commlink – the medic forgot to confiscate it – and finally Prime paid attention.)

(I immediately wished he hadn't.)

(Imagine you called Screamer a femme, Lord Megatron a Bucket-head, Dreadwing a lapdog, Airachnid a bug, Breakdown a pirate, and then scratched Knock Out's paint. Now combine how angry they would be and multiply it by twenty-three.)

(That's how mad Prime got.)

(I'm lucky the medic intervened before I was seriously hurt… but still, Prime broke my arm when he crushed my commlink.)

Rule # 72: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not ask what happens to Prime's trailer when he transforms. (By Anonymous BW FG)

(No one could explain it.)

(The medic muttered about how he 'never considered it before' and something called 'subspace'.)

(Everyone else just gave me a blank stare.)

(Even the kids.)

(Dull Surprise, anyone?)

Rule # 73: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not mention a certain 'Spider-legged Freak' around the two-wheeler. (By Anonymous BW FG)

(The two-wheeler's volatile enough as is. You don't need her trying to kill you.)

(She already wasn't happy having me in base because I'm a 'con, but when I mentioned that Airachnid was nicer to me when I first boarded the Nemesis than she was being to me, things got violent. Fast.)

(I'm surprised that her human partner – his name is Jack, right? – calmed her down before she could actually hurt me.)

(Not like I enjoy being constantly injured and in the med-bay back with the Decepticons, but it was kind of disappointing when she just walked away and left me alone with Jack.)

Rule # 74: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not pretend there are voices in your head. (By Mayday200)

(I love being difficult, especially with the Autobots. They were pestering me, trying to get information, trying to be imposing – they failed epicly at that, by the way – trying to convince me that I would get killed with the 'cons.)

(And what can I say but… I snapped?)

(I had enough and the Wrecker wouldn't leave me alone and kept bugging me and bugging me.)

(I remembered saying to the medic earlier that there were voices in my head, so I shouted that they "want me to kill you!")

(Have you ever seen a thirteen-ton Autobot scream like a little girl and run away before?)

(I highly recommend it. It's very funny to watch.)

(But beware of medics with wrenches who attempt to scan you to find out if there really are voices in your head afterwards.)

Rule # 75: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not pretend to faint so you can escape. (By Mrs. Knockout)

(During a particularly stressful questioning session with Prime, one of the Autobots remarked I looked like I was going to pass out.)

(Silly Wrecker. You should never give me ideas.)

(I held my breath as I pretended to pass out, hoping that someone would at least freak out a little bit, giving me an opportunity to sneak out unnoticed.)

(But, no! They had to bring in the fragging medic! They just had to go ahead and bring in the medic and ruin my escape attempt.)

(Why don't any of my plans work out the way they're supposed to?)

(Primus must hate me.)

Rule # 76: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not attempt to use the GroundBridge in order to escape. (By Veil-of-Death)

(Not only is it unlikely that you will know exactly how to operate it, but there is always someone watching it.)

(I had been stuck in the Autobot base for six days and honestly, I just wanted to get back to the Nemesis. I was going to go crazy without the Decepticons if I stayed there any longer.)

(Somehow I managed to get past the scout and the foreign exchange student – what's her name? Mika…? Miku…? Oh, whatever, it's something like that – and skirted around the two-wheeler and Wrecker.)

(Once I finally found the control room, I climbed up onto the GroundBrige console and programmed it for a location near where the Nemesis was supposed to be if it kept on its planned course. I was so close to flipping the switch when someone tried to deafen me by shouting in my ear.)

(I didn't know that Jack let his mommy find out he hung out with the Autobots after school.)

(What I learned from that misadventure: never underestimate June Darby. She is fraggin' scary when she's pissed.)

(Let's just say I never went near the GroundBridge after that.)

Rule # 77: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not break the medic's things. (By Naughtia)

(Beware of the wrench.)

(It hurts like the Pit itself.)

(I'm surprised I was actually able to break the frame welder in the first place.)

(One upside to breaking the medic's tools: you get to hear him shout "I NEEDED THAT!")

(It's so pathetic sounding – more upset than angry – so… Autobot. I couldn't resist laughing when he said it, but that made him throw another wrench at me.)

(Seriously, Autobots, KO'll dismantle you for scrap if he gets me back in any worse shape than he lost me in!)

Rule # 78: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not insist that the scout would lose to Knock Out in a race. (By Naughtia)

(It will end up in a three-way shouting match – between you, the scout, and probably Rafael since he has to translate.)

(And while this is going on, everyone will stop and stare.)

(Then they will take sides.)

(Everyone but the medic took the scout's side.)

(Apparently Knock Out's alt-mode has a more powerful engine than any of the Autobots.)

(The medic insisted he was on my side purely because of fact, not because he wanted to agree with me.)

(Whatever, Autodorks. Knock Out could do doughnuts around all of you before you could so much as bat an optic.)

(Yes, my guardian is just that epic.)

(Problem?)

Rule # 79: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not refer to the Wrecker as fat. (By Naughtia)

(Do not fear the Wrecker – he's practically a teddy bear when it comes to dealing with humans. He's too afraid of hurting us because of how small we are.)

(You should be afraid of his partner – Primus; I forgot her name again – because she'll take it personally.)

(She dragged me out of the room and punched me.)

(That little girl actually punched me!)

(Of course, this wound up in a wrestling match, and I lost, surprisingly.)

(I'm nineteen and I lost to a Japanese foreign exchange student four years younger than I am when I've been able to easily take on both my cousin and Vince and win. How humiliating…)

(To add insult to injury, the Wrecker proudly declared, "That's my girl.")

Rule # 80: If captured and detained by Autobots, do not quote Knock Out.

(I was being difficult and the medic was trying to get me to talk and I saw Prime walking by out of the corner of my eye, so I shouted, "Sweet Rims!" to him.)

(Everyone in the room turned around and stared at me, and the two-wheeler asked what I'd said.)

(Annoyed, I shouted again to Prime, who had frozen mid-step, "Sweet Rims!")

(The medic looked from me to the still immobile Autobot Leader. Then he asked if I was trying to make Prime glitch.)

(As sweetly as I could, I replied, "Yes.")

Next Chapter: Banned Songs, Activities, Etc.