Chapter V: Never trust a duck.

The first lights found me in the bathroom brushing Mikasa's fur. In the last week she's been throwing up balls of fur all over the place and it was slightly disgusting. I woke up at 5 a.m. just to be hit by something sticky and warm right in my face. Disgusting cat. Just the thought of it turned my stomach. Now, she was purring content as I pulled the brush out of her fur. The little bastard. She even closed her eyes. And to think that she is the only one that remained. I haven't seen the others in years, since … that happened.

"Oh, now you're sleeping and not vomiting on my face, aren't you? You little shit."

One hour after brushing the cat I was in the kitchen eating. I tangled my fingers through the damp hair trying to dry it faster. Yeah, that won't happen. The sun was almost dim in the small kitchen. Good. Now. The sun was my new arch enemy. I could tell that it was shining bright just by the wandering rays on the table. I have to apply the eye drops. I hated them too.

Mikasa meowed loudly begging for some extra food. I regret so much sterilizing you. She got really round and full of puffy fat. I was to blame but I couldn't take the nights full of meowing anymore. She got bigger and bigger with every treat I gave in to.

I started braiding my hair. Why did I let it grow this long? Then I remembered that I wasn't capable of always making sure to cut it to a certain length, so I just to let it grow. Still damp. I looked at my long, dark braid, dangling on my shoulder. Better than getting in my eyes I guess. I've made a terrible mistake years ago. I tried to cut it out of my face, and by that, I mean, very short…. and it got slightly curlier and by slightly I meant Claire Fraser version. It was so annoying I decided to let it grow so it would straighten. IT DIDN'T.

I think I'm quite ready. I got up and looked around my flat. Nope, I haven't forgotten anything. Mikasa protested when I got close to the door ignoring her food bowl. I also ignored her long meowing while getting out of the door and locking it. Starting from today, she was on a diet.

I really hate the sun. I felt like a plant kept in the basement for too long and now dragged out in the light. It was pure agony walking down the streets of the village. Maybe I should start wearing sun glasses like Shino. That would complete my all-black appearance, indeed.

When I got to the Academy I was surprised to see that I wasn't late. This is odd. Being late was my personal touch to my time at the Academy. To break it now, at the end… I sighed dramatically to myself and looked towards my seat…. which was occupied. What the hell? That is my spot. In my seat was a girl I've never talked to in my entire life at the Academy, but apparently, she decided in the last day at the Academy to steal my seat. I waved the thought away. Did it really matter anymore?

The last day at the Academy. Ha. The exam day. I smiled suddenly feeling that today became a thousand times better. I loved exams. Tests, examinations, you name it. The whole atmosphere was tensed with students talking nervously and laughing a little louder than usually (which was to say, LOUD). And here I stand excited about getting over with the thing. All these years wasted on learning … nothing. Or at least, nothing I couldn't have learnt on my own. The same problem with the schools in our world really.

"Are you going to sit, or continue blocking the entrance?"

I turned, surprised not realizing exactly how much time I've been sitting there with people going around and trying not to bump into me. A very bored twelve-year-old, or something like that, Nara Shikamaru was expecting my answer as he sat down on a random seat. I narrowed my eyes disapproving. People him this steal other people's seats.

"I was actually contemplating if ducks are truly evil." I answered taking the seat beside him. "I fed them once poultry pie by the lake and they ate every piece of it. Bloodthirsty little beast." I gazed into nothingness.

"And? What was your conclusion?" he asked mildly curious and somehow amused. I looked to him as serious as I could and accentuated each word.

"Never trust a duck."

He snorted and returned into his seat his sleepy once more but with a ting of amusement (I guessed?), as I was feeling slightly guilty for stealing that joke. My jokes are bad, and I should feel bad. They weren't even my jokes anymore, I was just straight up spitting out quotes.I slowly shook my head still amused with myself. Bless me for entertaining myself.

Another person approached and it didn't take a genius to know who it was based on the size. No fat joke, I swear. Oh, look how sociable I am in my last day at the Academy. More than I've been all twelve years. Twelve years. The realization hit me like a punch in the gut as it always did when I remembered. Who forgets that they spent twelve years in one place?

"Hello Choji, may I take I chip?"

His 'hello' died on his lips the moment I opened my mouth and addressed him. He froze, his mind taking in the new phenomena, while Shikamaru eyed me suspiciously, not bothering to completely turn to me, just sort of dangling on the desk half awake. I raised my eyebrows watching them. I never said I'm socially incapable. But I was, oh I was. In the end Choji awoke from the shock, a little confused, his round face lighting up with enthusiasm.

"Come on guys. I didn't just sprung a second head. May I?" I repeated amused, pointing to the chips bag he was holding.

"Ye- Of cour-sure!"

Four words at the same time. I served myself from his chip bag ignoring the surprised and confused expressions of the two. They must think I'm a wacko. I smiled to myself which was probably not helping at the moment and I could see the two exchanging a worried glance. Don't. Laugh. Like. Floki. Another TV show I'd never see the of.

"Good morning, today you will be taking you final exam at the Academy."

Already? The faster, the better. I had a hungry cat at home that would begin to eat my rose geranium. Iruka was in front of the classroom addressing the students I didn't notice him coming in after me.

"If your name is called, come to the classroom next door." Iruka continued. "The subject will be replication technique."

What a shock. But weren't we supposed to do this here? In front of everybody? Were we having an actual commission evaluating us, or something? Some voices in the classroom did express their surprise and my eyes landed on a spiky blonde head. I couldn't say how he took the news since all I could see was his back, but judging by the fact that his hand went up in the air and landed on his head, he wasn't particularly thrilled about it. He seems so damn lonely. As cliché as it was, I couldn't put it better. He must have been having a mini panic attack just from hearing of what our exam consisted of since he was the worst among us at chakra manipulation. Well, that really sucked for him.

"Uchiha Kaya"

Huh? I got on my feet as soon as my brain caught up with what was happening. Damn. This becomes a habit. I was always forgetting that my name came before Sasuke's and I was waiting to hear 'Uchiha Sasuke' and mentally prepare myself for the anxiety to kick in. And speaking of the other Uchiha, I peeked from the corner of my eye to see the dark-haired future dickhead. Yes, I peeked, while everyone's eyes were glued to my standing form. You can imagine my absolute thrill when my eyes collided with black ones of the person already mentioned. I averted my eyes and exited the classroom. Have I mentioned how much I hated people? Yes, yes, I did.

Ҩ

I looked at the crimson drenched in deep purple splattered across the sky with a strong urge to vomit again. Damn my stomach. I crawled my way down from the roof and back into the house. My limbs were soo heavy that I collapsed on my bed and on Mikasa's tail.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sorry!" I snapped annoyed by the meowing burst that followed as the cat got up and turned furious to me. "Not in mood for you shit."

The cat ignored me. Of course. It's an animal. I could feel the sudden nausea fading. It was the third time I emptied my stomach today. The reason? I had no idea. It was an automatic reaction to random things. Unless I was the new Virgin Mary. Before even getting my period. No, this is psychological. I snorted.

After a couple of minutes or hours I got up and headed to the kitchen. I had to eat. If I continued like this I could seriously get ill. It was bad enough that I couldn't sleep; no food and no sleep was the ultimate combo for an early grave. If I don't sleep, I can't think. If I don't eat, I can't live. I opened the fridge scowling as I could feel the beginning of a headache. Let's see. Old food, old food, gross food, not food, old food, still not food, ramen. This was ironical. I didn't particularly like ramen but apparently I had nothing else to eat because someone forgot to do the groceries. I picked the instant ramen and cat food as I could feel the presence of the little monster.

"Here you go, little ball of fat." I said as I opened the can with Mikasa's food and filling her bowl. "At least one of us manages to store fat for the winter. Piglet."

I waited for the water to boil and then another 3 minutes to sit in the instant ramen cup. Naruto was right. This was torture when you were hungry. The cat didn't even glance at me once and I felt ignored. I sighed, sitting in my unmade bed ate. Perhaps I should have a checkup.Regarding my impromptu puking. Weren't we supposed to anyway, now that we were genin? Since we were supposed to be photographed for our profiles, I guessed we would also have gone through a medical checkup. It made sense to. If not, I'll have to ask for an appointment at the hospital. How nice.

This brought me back to today's exam. I passed as I expected to, although that didn't mean I hadn't been nervous like a scared chicken when examined. Chakra felt… unnatural. For three years I've been trying to get used with it, but even today it felt a little alien to me. My transformation jutsu wasn't spectacular, but it was within passing grade.

It was times like these I regreted not being raised by a family of shinobi. By any family for the matter. By parents who could explain to me what chakra should feel like and that the weird energy flowing like wires in your body is a natural thing. But no… I've only attended the Academy, sit a writing exam and passed a practical one and I still have no idea what being a shinobi really was. But now I was a genin. First and lowest rank in the shinobi world. What a joke.

It's like wanting the freshly graduated university student to have 8 years of experience in the domain, on a similar or the same job, 50 work projects already done, be fluent in 15 languages and salary expectation bellow the average wage.

I sighed. Did I always use to be this cynical? No. Yes. Perhaps I should find a good therapist. Or psychiatrist. But not those from the hospital tho. Those were idiots that didn't know the difference between schizophrenia and depression. After Itachi killed the entire clan, I woke up in a bed, connected to some beeping machines and with a smiling lady who introduced herself as Dr. Whatever. She was a psychiatrist. We spend an entire hour talking about candles. Yes, candles and how I felt about them. And no, she wasn't selling candles.

I shifted and my forehead protector came undone from my arm. I have no idea what to do with this. I didn't want to wear how you were actually supposed to, as its name deemed, because my face was really getting sweaty in summer, but I had no other idea where to tie it. I didn't have the creativity of Ino, Sakura, Hinata to actually make it look more like an accessory. It isn't an accessory you fool, it's a symbol and its purpose is to protect your forehead. Nah. I would see what to do with it in the morning. Probably I'll just tie it back on my arm. After all I had to get up early for the explanatory meeting. ….and I was kind of scared of. It would be the first time that my presence in this world would disrupt the normal course of events. Or maybe not. There were 10 teams, three of which I knew and the others I had no interest in. But I wouldn't fit in any, for the simple fact that I wasn't supposed to be here. Or maybe I will. The teams I didn't know about… maybe there was a place for me in one of them.

Twelve years…. Added to twenty-four. But I didn't feel that old. I didn't feel old, I felt just… lost. As if time stopped for a while, but it was finally catching up to me. Well almost. I felt broken. I wasn't even certain who I was anymore. But, well, this world wasn't done with me as it got me through the Massacre. Alive. It would have been so much easier if I would have died then. Another death. Been there, done that. I shook my head. Enough self-pity. I must get some sleep. I put the bowl down on the floor – Mikasa will be sniffling and circle it at night, but I was too tired to go to the kitchen – and did just that. Blackout.

At four in the morning I was emptying my stomach once again in the toilet.

Ҩ

This is fucking ridiculous. I watched the black hair stick weirdly in the air. It really does look like a chicken's butt. Sasuke turned his head as if he could hear my thoughts. I jinxed it. He narrowed his eyes when I didn't avert my eyes or seemed surprised for being caught staring. Well, this isn't at all weird. It didn't help that I was right behind him. I opened my mouth to speak, when I heard a loud thump from the entrance of the classroom.

"FIRST!"

What the hell? I watched the blonde and the pinkie panting hard as if they've been running for a while. Oh, that's right. I forgot about the rivalry between Ino and Sakura. Yeah, it isn't like it's one of the most important aspect of Sakura's genin years. I was a genius, truly. How can they talk so loudly that it reverberates in the whole classroom?

"I win again, Sakura." Ino smirked getting the hair out of her sweating face. Ew. This is why I hated summer.

"What are you talking about? My toe entered the class before yours by a centimeter."

"You must be shi – joking me." I sighed as they started to argue about whose toe entered the class first and by how many millimeters. For the record, it had been Ino. Wait, where there's Sakura and Sasuke… I looked around and surely enough, a blonde head was turned toward the commotion at the entrance. Had I mentioned I was sitting in the seat just behind Sasuke's? Yeah. Oh shit. Shit. Too much socialization. Abort mission. I've gathered my things as fast as I could.

"Ohayou Sakura-chan!"

"Get out of my way."

I sighed, knowing I have failed escaping the scene. She's here.

"O-Ohayou, Sasuke-kun!"

Yeah, good luck with that. I looked at the pink haired girl with amazement. I mean. Who shoves a person so fast out of their way just to say hello to another? Poor Naruto. The blonde was somewhere behind Sakura. I should have befriended him. I felt a pang of guilt. I knew exactly how lonely he was, but I didn't dare do anything about it, because we needed Jesus Naruto just as we knew him and not altered by a random reincarnation. I turned to Sasuke who was ignoring Sakura as much as he possibly could. Seriously, you could actually see the effort he was putting in it.

"That's rude." I said catching his attention. "You could at least return the 'hello'."

"Can I sit next to you?" continued Sakura taking full advantage of the opening in conversation and hoping her dear Sasuke-kun would talk to her. Damn you Sakura. Maybe he would have had if you were a little patient.

"Hey! I'm going to sit next to him."

Odin, give me patience. Ino came straight up to Sakura and caught her elbow. This is a good time to escape. Or it would have been if other girls gathered to secure their own seats close to Sasuke-kun didn't block my way. I was trapped on one side by the flock of girls and on the other by a guy who was gawking at the scene like we didn't have something similar every day at the Academy. Ah. I had an idea.

"Know what? Never mind." I said getting up. "I understand perfectly."

"And who are you?"Ino inquired even bothering to stop arguing with Sakura.

…seriously?

"Ino, we used to do flower arrangements together and I tough you how to properly hold a kunai. You know perfectly well what my name is, don't play dumb. I doesn't suit you."

We all knew, who everyone was. I was a little asocial, but not that much. It was practically impossible to not know others because very rarely did we have individual activities. I stood up with my bag on my shoulder. The blonde looked at me as if she wanted to say something but thought better. I was an Uchiha, no? Just like her dear Sasuke-kun.

"Now, if you excuse me…" There goes my plan to leave unnoticed. Oh, shut up.

But then, who said that trying to get out of a crowded alley? In the Naruto world? Pff. In any world. Hard. Very hard. Especially when everybody seems stupefied for some reason.. I frowned, confused following their gazes.

" Oh, no. What is that idiot doing?" I whispered to myself not being able to stop myself from speaking out loud.

I snickered at the sight of Naruto standing on Sasuke's desk, their faces centimeters away. Oh. It's like he wanted that to happen. Who stands so close to anyone's face anyway? Unless you intend to actually kiss them. Cheers for all the NaruSasu shippers. Pervs. I was delighted to get blackmailing material.

"Naruto! Stop glaring at Sasuke-kun!"

"No." I giggled waving Sakura off. "This is going to be good, just watch." Sakura looked at me confused and still very uncomfortable with Naruto standing so close to her beloved. If only she knew… And then the kid who was standing behind Naruto moved. Yes, I've been very observant to the details of the whole scene. No, I wasn't into Yaoi – I was a fucking liar, Viktuuri shipper for life; we were born to make history– but damn I was going to make sure this haunted every girl's nightmares. Sasuke included. Look at me, I'm so evil. If only we had phones. Or a camera in the class.

"Sorry" said the guy who provided one of the greatest moments I've ever watched as a kid back in my world when I could watch anime on TV.

Everything went silent. Of course, I've started laughing. This! Not even Naruto or Sasuke reacted at their unintended kiss for a second or two. And when they did explode into motion, the entire class was outraged. That glorious view. Oh, vala.

"Naruto, I'm going to kill you…" Sasuke seethed while trying to gag.

"My mouth is going to rot!"

"Was this my fault?!"

"Haha,you two would actually make a cute couple." I laughed as the two tried to wipe out their mouths.

I swear Sasuke was planning 100 way to skin me alive.

"Kaya-chan!"

Sakura put an end to my laughter as I looked at her surprised. She knows my name.

"There's your answer, in case you suffer from amnesia." I turned to Ino who gave me a confused look.

While I was moving to a more peaceful seat, Sakura and the rest of the girls in the class took care of Naruto. As in he was now beaten to a pulp and seated next to, quite ironically, Sakura and Sasuke.

"Good morning class." Iruka entered oblivious to the daily drama. "Starting from today, you are all officially ninja, but … you are still genins. From here it's going to get harder." You have no idea. "You will all be placed in a cell of three, under a Jounin teacher."

This is it. I wasn't supposed to be part of the class. But everything was ok, as long as those three fuckers ended up in the same team. No, all the teams must be the same if fe fall into the same timeline and events as the original story. Shit. That's right. Suddenly, the variables multiplied from three to nine. All teams must be the same, since they all had their roles to play in the future. Why haven't I thought of this earlier?! Not that I could do anything… except of not passing the exam. If I intentionally failed the exam, I would have spent another year at the Academy. But I didn't, and now we were all in this together. I started hyperventilating with a page from my sketch book. My eyes searched the class the other rookies, jumping from one to another agitated by the wait. As Shikamaru would say, this was troublesome.

"I wonder who's going to be in Sasuke-kun's team." I heard Ino saying beside me, loud enough so Sakura would hear.

"I don't know." Sakura answered with nonchalance, but the look she threw Ino was anything but that.

"Please, don't. I want to hear the teams." I said exasperated.

"Gomen, Kaya – chan. You're right".

"Are you alright?" Ino asked watching me fidget. "You look like you're going to pass out."

I nodded and started bouncing my leg. Perhaps I was a little too harsh to judge Ino only based on her crush on the biggest dickhead in the class. She was after all only twelve. We all are. Right, I shouldn't forget that.

"We've arranged the groups such that overall abilities are equal." continued Iruka. "Ehm, Kaya-chan you should head to the Hokage office."

… What?

"Can't I go after the announcement of the teams?" I was talking very calm while my mind was a whirlpool of thoughts. I was going to throw up. Right there and then. Why would I be summoned by the Hokage? First thought: they knew. They somehow found out I wasn't this Uchiha girl and that I was from another world. But they couldn't. There's ANBU. And Danzo. But I didn't do anything to give myself away. Anything at all, besides being a total asocial child with cat-friends only, who talked about Camus and Nietzsche and quoting things that don't even exist in this world. Yeah, but children do that…. don't they? Wait, what was I thinking? Give myself away? I wasn't a spy or anything, I was just a soul who had been reincarnated in this world, how was that my fault?

"I'm afraid it would be rude to keep the Hokage waiting, Kaya-chan."

Do you know what it would be rude? The teams not turning out as they are supposed to, and Kaguya coming back in six years from now and fuck up the world as you know it. I reluctantly nodded and got up. It's not like my presence here would change anything if that did or didn't happen. The teams would be announced as they were on the paper Iruka was holding, even if I wasn't present in the classroom. But damn, it would have been nice knowing them. Now I had to wait until I came back. If I come back.

"What did you do?" Ino said in a singing voice smirking slyly. I frowned at her rather satisfied smile. This girl.

"Nothing. I just killed his cat." I was well aware of the horrified reactions it would create. After all, it was usually Naruto who visited the Hokage building, but never in this formal manner. I'm fucked. Soooo fucked.

Another day, another edit/re-write. This one had a lot of misspellings, incomplete sentences and went into a direction that was cringe for me to re-read. Now it's slightly better. I don't know what else to say. I need sleep :))) I haven't decided yet if I'm going to keep the old author notes or not. Meh. I'll see.

Old autor's note:

Argh. This chapter had another 8 pages of Word. Way too long. I had to split it. Now I've f-up my chapter count, yay. I am very tired and I'm not sure if next week will be any chapter because I have some questionnaires to prepare for my research (psychology student in last university year struggles that you don't care and should not care about). Thank you for the reviews and please keep me updated about the evolution you can see (or can't) in the story. Personally, I would have liked to post the whole chapter because it's a time jump from the Massacre and I feel like Kaya's being more of a bystander. That will change in the next chapter (that was actually the same one, eh).