Rule # 191: Unlike half the crew, Knock Out actually listens. (By inkdragon13)

(I am so glad my guardain is Knock Out. Starscream never hears anything beyond the sound of his own voice, Airachnid is so sadistic she makes Knock Out look like a pacifist, Dreadwing is too uptight, Soundwave will constantly use your own words against you, and Breakdown - while he does try to listen - can't sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation with.)

(Seriously, do you even have to ask why I didn't bother including Lord Megatron?)

(As I was saying, Knock Out listens, and not just well enough to carry on a conversation with, but he listens when I have to vent or when something bad happened and I have to get it off my chest.)

(If I try to vent around Breakdown, he just gives me this blank look, like he's not sure if he should say something or just let me talk myself out. If I'm around Starscream, he asks why he should care. Dreadwing politely asks me what he could possibly do about it. Airachnid webs me to whatever surface is nearest at the moment and leaves me there. Soundwave records my every word and points out how ridiculous I sound by playing back the footage once I'm done. Unless the twins are around, in which case he's occupied with trying to keep them in one piece.)

(Knock Out not only listens, he offers some advice on how to deal with it - or if it's a 'con/'bot/person that ticked me off, he grabs his energon prod, puts me on his shoulder, and promptly kicks their sorry aft.)

Rule # 192: With Knock Out, compliments are always a sure-fire way to brighten his day. (By inkdragon13)

(This is pretty much garunteed, even if it doesn't seem like it's working.)

(You see, being the Decepticon medic isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some days Knock Out can't even leave the medical bay, there are so many injured Vehicons.)

(Take the day we had an explosion in the engine room, for example. A ninth of the Vehicons - no, that's not a small number at all, considering how many Vehicons there are in total on the Nemesis - were injured in the accident.)

(Knock Out started repairing the Vehicons the day of the accident, which was a Tuesday. He was still repairing them the following Tuesday. Even with Breakdown helping, he was stressed out and in a bad mood.)

(I quickly took notice of this and made up my mind that I was going to make him feel better by the end of the day.)

(So I complimented his finish, his paint job, his rims, what a great job he was doing as a medic, and everything else about him I could think of. When Starscream came in to check up on progress, he gave me a strange look, but decided not to press.)

(At the end of the day, Knock Out still hadn't so much as cracked a smile at any of my compliments. I was about to give up, but I gave it one last go.)

"I wouldn't want any other guardian besides you, KO. You're the best one Earth has ever seen."

(Knock Out turned around, looking mildly surprised. He knelt and stroked my hair with one of his digits.)

"Thank you, Shiloh."

(It wasn't much, but hearing him say those words meant he was already getting back to his usual cocky self.)

Rule # 193: Knock Out is vain enough as is. He doesn't need encouragement. (By inkdragon13)

(Even though his self-esteem was at an all-time low, he was still as prissy over his appearance as a high school cheerleader.)

(To make him go back to normal, Breakdown and I encouraged him to 'fix himself up' some more and told him how awesome he looked.)

(That was our first mistake. Knock Out snapped that he didn't need us fussing over him like we were his carriers. He also said he was perfect. Not perfectly fine, but perfect. As in he thinks he has no flaws.)

(Now we know to let him be no matter what we really think. Because he's a self-centered egotist who's vain enough on his own.)

(But he forgets he's our self-centered egotist.)

Rule # 194: Do not announce you have a date in front of Knock Out. (By Randall Boggs)

(... I can't believe he thought I was serious. After almost having a spark attack, he picked me up and proceeded to interrogate me on who I was going with, what we were going to do, where I met the guy, and so on and so forth.)

(Knock Out seriously takes the 'overprotective father' bit to the extreme.)

(I let him yell for a few minutes. Then I very calmly explained that I was joking and that he shouldn't have overreacted.)

(To make matters worse, Rumble and Frenzy were in the room while this was going on. Frenzy was teasing Rumble about something. Rumble looked about a nanoklik from flat-out shooting Frenzy in the helm.)

(When Knock Out finally put me back down, I told him I was just going for a bit of fresh air with Revv. He seemed satisfied with that and let me leave.)

(What he didn't know is that I wasn't exactly joking in the first place.)

(A few hours later I got back to the warship with... a certain someone... and thankfully no one noticed our arrival.)

"Be quiet, you're gonna get us caught. And let the Pit go of my hand already!"

(We failed to notice Frenzy watching from around the corner, recording everything. Luckily, we managed to buy his silence.)

(And I'm only going to warn you once - the crew, especially Knock Out and Soundwave, cannot know Rumble and I went to the movies together. We would never hear the end of it from anyone, and I really don't want to be the one responsible for your first visit to the medical bay.)

Rule # 195: If you see Knock Out make a mistake on anything, point it out. Immediately. (By Undiscovered Poet)

(Everyone knows at least one perfectionist. At this current moment, the only perfectionist I know is Knock Out. But KO isn't just a perfectionist.)

(Take the most perfectionistic person you know, increase their perfectionism to a hundred percent, make them vainer than a high-school cheer capitan, and give them a crazy factor of thirteen - that's on a scale of one to ten, by the way.)

(You're still not grasping the whole, 'He's vain and insane' thing are you?)

(Ah, frag it. I forgot what I was saying.)

(Oh, that's right - scale of one to ten.)

(Anyways, if Knock Out makes a mistake and no one points it out, he will eventually realize it and proceed to berate himself for being such an idiot. Then he will become depressed.)

(A depressed KO is worse than an angry Lord Megatron. Somehow, it's scarier, too.)

Rule # 196: Knock Out needs appreciation for his work. (By Undiscovered Poet)

(I cannot count all the times I finished repairing a scratch, pounding out a dent, or applying a new coat of paint to someone's car and they didn't even bother to say thanks. It was irritating. I spent all that time working on their car and they act like I didn't do anything at all.)

(Knock Out's the same way about being a medic. A simple "Good job," or "Thank you," goes a long way with him. It makes him happy.)

(And when he's happy, Breakdown and I are happy.)

(If he's not, someone's going to lose a limb.)

Rule # 197: Do not - in any way - alter the paint. (By Undiscovered Poet)

(Yes, I know there have already been several instances of me telling you not to mess with Knock Out's paint job. Guess what? I mean it.)

(I stopped fooling with it after the blue with pink polka-dots incident.)

(Rumble and Frenzy, however, still haven't learned.)

(The dumbest thing you can possibly do short of making Lord Megatron mad at you is pissing the only medic off.)

(He can just refuse to fix you, dolts! And if you don't get fixed, you're of no use to Megatron. And if you're of no use to Megatron, it's the scrapyard for ya!)

Rule # 198: No bumper stickers. (By Undiscovered Poet)

(You will die. No ifs, ands, or buts.)

(The only reason I got away with it is because I'm his human and I know how to get the stupid things off without damaging the paint or finish.)

(And, no, I will not save your aft when you come crying to me that Knock Out is trying to kill you.)

(Because if he's trying to kill you, you probably deserve it.)

Rule # 199: There is a very specific routine Knock Out has after he finishes recharging; leave him be during it. (By Sorcelle Dragonmoon)

(Knock Out's post-recharge routine is very meticulous. He has to buff himself to ensure he didn't get any scratches or scuffs while he was recharging. He has to fuss over the way he looks in a mirror... Yadda, yadda, yadda, and so on and so forth.)

(For some reason it reminds me of the morning routine of some of the girls back in Jasper I was with the one time I was ever invited to a sleep-over. It just looked pointless to me. Your hair and makeup aren't going to look like that all day, so just let it well enough alone!)

(If you can't tell, I don't like girly stuff. The only reason I actually have makeup is because Knock Out insisted.)

(As I was saying before I sidetracked myself, Knock Out's routine takes about an hour. Two, if he's feeling especially vain that morning.)

(I don't have the patience to wait that long.)

(I decided one day that I was going to see if Knock Out could speed it up just a little bit. Unfortunately, it was one of those days when he was feeling even more vain that usual and I was feeling even more impatient than usual.)

(I really shouldn't have pissed off Dreadwing earlier that week.)

(I could've used a hiding spot.)

Rule # 200: Cherry red versus crimson. Acrylic based paint versus enamle based paint. It's not hard; learn the differences! (By Pixelus Prime)

(I was tired. You can't blame a girl for needing more than four hours of sleep a night, can you? If I had been fully awake, I would never have made such a stupid mistake.)

(Who mixes up cherry and crimson? Or acrylic and enamle, for that matter?)

(Oh, yeah. I kind of forgot not everyone used to paint cars for a living.)

(But anyways, I hadn't slept pretty much at all, and Knock Out needed his entire paint job redone.)

(Remember the salt water in the washracks incident?)

(Thought so.)

(I redid his base color - which is a lighter crimson than the secondary color - in a garish shade of cherry red that would've looked out of place on a firetruck. To make it worse, I used the acrylic based paint reserved for my pranks and the like instead of the enamle based paint manufactured specifically for cars.)

(You see, this is the reason it took five days to fix his paint job. I was so tired I mixed up basic stuff and had to redo the entire thing twice.)

(It probably didn't help that Knock Out tried to take my head off after he noticed he was cherry red.)

Next Chapter: Living with Knock Out - II