Rule # 251: Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to play the Ring of Death drinking game. (By 16DarkMidnight80)

(This is because of what happened way back when I tried to play bartender for the 'cons. I was the one who drew cards for them – you know, because of the fact that they're way too small for them to even begin to handle. Varying strengths of high-grade energon were substituted for alcohol.)

(Most of the Vehicons I'm friends with decided it would be a good idea to participate in maybe a round or two.)

(Silly them. They should know by now that whenever I'm involved and I'm the one to suggest a game, it goes South.)

(It doesn't matter how long it takes or how much destruction results from it, it will go South.)

(And after I commed Frenzy to get him down to the rec-room – figuring he'd want to record this for later blackmail – I gave the Vehicons a quick run-down of the rules because I knew they wouldn't be familiar with them.)

(Of course, I had to change some of the rules so that it would work because I was the one drawing the cards, but the basic principle was the same.)

(When the game started, I was confident that they'd only make it a half-hour. Oh, how wrong I turned out to be. And I'm honestly kind of glad I was wrong. Two hours of drunken Vehicons is brilliant entertainment.)

(It took a little over two hours for all of the Vehicons' systems to crash. This meant that Frenzy now had a little over two hours worth of video blackmail to hold over their helms.)

(The way it went South is that Dreadwing walked into the rec-room immediately after the last Vehicon crashed and Frenzy left with his recording. The first thing he saw was me sitting in the middle of the room holding a deck of cards, surrounded by unconscious Vehicons and empty containers of high-grade.)

(You can understand why he would jump to conclusions, but I chose to give in just this once and let him deal whatever punishment he felt necessary.)

Rule # 252: No matter how funny it is to see them glitch, you are not to show any slash to the crew. (By warperchick)

(Especially if the slash involves them.)

(Now, I'm not a slash fan in any sense, but the reactions of the crew are just too fragging funny not to mess with them about it.)

(They will quite literally just glitch and fall over the very moment they understand what you've shown them.)

(It's possibly the second most hilarious thing I have ever seen happen on this warship, next to… well, I'm sworn to secrecy on that. I'd love to tell you, I really would, but I swore on my life never to speak of it.)

(Anyway, you will get in huge trouble with Dreadwing for doing this, so take my advice and keep any slash you may find away from the Decepticons.)

Rule # 253: Don't push the red button! (By tankbuster626)

(There are dozens of red buttons on almost every console here in the Nemesis.)

(Although this should be obvious, it appears I have to warn you: no matter what you think the button will do, you are to under no circumstances even touch, let alone push, any big red button you find on any console in any room in any area of the warship.)

(Guaranteed something bad will happen if you do.)

(Guaranteed.)

(Back to the matter at hand. Something bad will happen that will put you on Lord Megatron's bad side in addition to Shockwave's and Dreadwing's.)

(And we all know what happens when you're on Lord Megatron's bad side: someone has to suffer to make up for it.)

(The last time I pushed a big red button, I was apologizing for days to Soundwave for accidentally setting the internal defenses on him. He didn't get hurt, but still… I felt bad for doing that to him.)

(And that's not even counting what happened when Lord Megatron found out it was me who pushed the button.)

(Rec-room duty was really starting to sound fun by the time I was halfway through my punishment.)

Rule # 254: While Starscream does have a low IQ, tricking him into taking an IQ Test will not end well. (By Jade Surro)

(Somehow I managed to convince him it was a game humans played, and when he asked why there were so many questions, I told him that most humans were just that strange. He stopped asking questions after that.)

(When I saw the results, I was dumbstruck for the first time in years.)

(I mean, I knew Screamer was stupid… but how in the world did he not even get half of Frenzy's score?)

(It took me a good five minutes to regain the ability to talk, let alone to process what I had seen. Shiv, who was nearby, thought something was wrong with me and commed for Knock Out. Even Starscream was starting to get concerned when I didn't even make a snide remark. His exact words were, "Not that I care, but don't you usually have something rude to say to me right about now?")

(Knock Out arrived, and quickly blamed Starscream for 'breaking' me. The Seeker objected, saying he hadn't even touched me and that not every time something bad happens to me does he have something to do with it.)

(Finally, I simply collapsed in a fit of hysterical laughter, realizing that the results of the IQ Test weren't delusions caused by my so-called over-active imagination.)

(Starscream quickly found out what he had really taken, and man, was he ever angry at me. The first thing he did after finding out was pick me up and put me on a high ledge that I couldn't get down from on my own and that was too high for Knock Out to reach.)

(KO got Breaky, who was also too short to get me down, and then he commed for Dreadwing, whose servos were too big and clumsy to gain access to the ledge. Dreadwing ended up coming Shockwave of all mechs, to see if he could perhaps do what they couldn't.)

(But Shockwave was an aft and refused to even try.)

And the very day that I actually needed Soundwave's help was the day that he was sent to retrieve a Predacon bone.)

(Which reminded everyone of the Predacon already among us. Unfortunately, most of the time, he refuses to acknowledge that I even exist, so he wasn't much of a help. I believe, "Go away, tiny thing. You bother me," was the first and only thing he said to me after he transformed.)

(Hours passed, and eventually, Lord Megatron himself came down to see what all the commotion was about. After Dreadwing explained it and Knock Out rather pathetically complained that he was getting frustrated because he wanted his human back, Megatron very calmly used his integrated blade to sever the ledge from the wall, caught me before I hit the ground, and turned to the others with a very unimpressed look on his faceplate.)

"You should take better care of your pet, Knock Out."

(For some reason he decided that Knock Out didn't deserve to have me back yet, so he just walked out without putting me down. For the next day and a half, I was effectively Lord Megatron's human.)

(Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as you'd expect it to be. Better than being stuck on a ledge, in any case.)

Rule # 255: 'Scream and Shout' is not an appropriate song to play, even though it fits Starscream perfectly. (By missmoney101)

(As funny as it is, just don't do it. Someone, whether it be Starscream himself or some random Decepticon, will try to kill you for playing this song. Despite agreeing that it fits Screamer perfectly, we all got sick of it pretty quickly.)

(How long did it take, again? Five repetitions?)

(That sounds about right, don't you think? Oh, wait, I forgot. You weren't there, so technically you can't answer that question.)

(Whatever. Anyway, after someone tries to kill you, depending on whether or not you sustained any injuries and whether or not said injuries are life-threatening, you will either be sentenced to monitor duty with Shockwave during his off hours for two weeks, or you will be confined to the medical bay until your recovery and then sentenced to monitor duty.)

(So either way, it's really not worth it.)

Rule # 256: Keep your personal items where no one, especially a certain Seeker, can get to them. (By Not-To-Fit-In)

(The personal item in question being a photo of me and my cousin, Seth, as kids one summer in Hawaii. Aside from a picture of my parents and another of my uncle, it's the only thing I have to remember my family by.)

(Usually, the pictures are neatly arranged on my nightstand, but one day I must have grabbed the photo by mistake and walked out of my room with it, because somehow it ended up left in the Bridge after briefing.)

(Starscream found the picture and deliberated leaving it where it was or taking it with him as a bargaining chip of sorts. He eventually decided, "Why the Pit not?" and took it with him. That was his first mistake. He should have left it, or better yet, returned it to me.)

(Later that day, I figured out that I was missing the picture, so I went on a hunt for it. Only after I had searched more than half the ship did anyone tell me that they had seen Starscream leaving the Bridge with it.)

"Nice going guys. That information really would have helped me six hours ago."

(I know, I know, I shouldn't have snapped at them. But this photo is over fifteen years old, and is one of three things I still have from Jasper.)

(There was absolutely no way I was going to let its disappearance go over lightly.)

(When I caught up to Starscream, he said I could have the photo back… if I agreed to do whatever he said.)

(Reluctantly, I gave in to his demands.)

(He didn't give it back.)

(I quickly told Knock Out what happened and explained that not only did Screamer practically steal something very important to me, he refused to return it even when I met his conditions. In less than five minutes, I had the photo back, and Starscream was in dire need of a medic who wasn't incredibly pissed off at him.)

(I'm sorry, but I love my family so much, and I will not tolerate anyone messing with the only things I have left of them.)

Rule # 257: Let sleeping Insecticons lie. (By Not-To-Fit-In)

(To put this in as few words as I possibly can: interrupt their recharge and you won't sleep soundly for the next two weeks.)

Rule # 258: Unless you want something bad to happen to you, never run in the medical bay. (By Not-To-Fit-In)

(Doing this is practically begging for something to fall on you, someone to throw something out you, or for you to somehow end up running into something and passing out.)

(I should know. All three of these things have happened to me… within five minutes of each other.)

(Basically, what happened was that I startled Ravage during his cat – excuse me – kittycon-nap, so he started chasing me. We eventually ended up in the med bay, and one of Knock Out's lightest and smallest tools fell on my leg and momentarily pinned me down. Then, I surprised Breakdown, who threw an empty glass container at me, missing my head by inches. Finally, I ran right into the wall and passed out.)

(Knock Out was not happy with me after I woke up.)

Rule # 259: Any and all RC's are banned from the Nemesis. (By Not-To-Fit-In)

(When Frenzy, Rumble, and I last went to the surface, they saw some RC cars in the window of a store.)

(Picture two squealing chibis with their faces pressed up against the window like little children going, "OMG, want!" and that's pretty much how they looked, at least, in my opinion.)

(Now, they were adorable, but what really convinced me to buy them was the fact that there was an Aston Martin. A red Aston Martin. I had to have it, so I decided to be nice and bought them RCs, too.)

(Upon arriving back at the Nemesis, we immediately put the cars together and started playing with them up and down the halls. It was so much fun – just like being a kid again, if only for a little while. We weren't bothering anything, but Shockwave deemed out actions "befitting of sparklings" and "illogical," so he stepped on the RC cars. Even the other Decepticons found that cruel.)

(We weren't hurting anything! We weren't even in anyone's way!)

Rule # 260: Airachnid does not have a diary. However, in the event that she does, do not steal it if you value your life. (By Not-To-Fit-In)

(I'm not saying that Airachnid has a diary.)

(But for purposes I don't feel like discussing, let's just say that hypothetically, she does have one. My advice to you would be to leave it be. I don't care how 'ninja' you think you are or how discreet you think you are; leave it alone.)

(In the event you ignore everything I just said, my recommendation is to run.)

(Run fast. Run far. And most importantly, run away.)

(You will end up regretting your decision for the rest of your life.)

(Again, this is all purely hypothetical.)

(Let me repeat: Airachnid does not have a diary. The fact that I keep reminding you every two seconds does not change this. Airachnid does not have a diary, and I most certainly did not download it onto my laptop and steal it.)

(And I absolutely did not wind up with another broken laptop that I had to have Knock Out repair.)

(Ahem. Anyways, if Airachnid did have a diary, I would stay as far away from it as humanly possible.)

(But she doesn't have one, so really, this whole thing was pointless.)

(Hypothetically.)

Next Chapter: Decepticon Takeover

AN: Okay, you're probably all wondering what that means. Here's a hint - it's exactly what it says it is. The Decepticons get to take over the rules for a few chapters. Suggest a rule and a Decepticon to narrate it. It can be any Decepticon, except for Lord Megatron. And yes, this includes Vehicons. The ones I have named are: Shiv, Thrust, Dirge, Shrike, Frost, Bombshell, and Revv. (For those of you wondering, "Where's Steve?!" look no further than Shiv. He's dear Screamer's most loyal supporter.)