A few helpful notes: when the twins narrate a rule together, Frenzy's part will be italicized, and Rumble's part will be in normal text. By the way, 'Nim' means 'Shy.' Hope that clears things up.

Also—hellhound. Tfwiki it; I'm not making them up.

Rule # 261: Knock Out—Shiloh is my human for a reason, you know. (By Randall Boggs)

(One: she trusts me right now, and I'd like it to stay that way.)

(Two: I'm the only one who can really keep her safe.)

(Three: I don't want anyone hurting her!)

(I don't care if they're Cybertronian or human; if they even hint they like Shiloh, I will kill them. I've worked too hard to protect her and keep those Autobots from ruining her to let some idiot break her heart. She's mine—my girl, my human, my responsibility.)

(And I have to get her to forgive me somehow…)

Rule # 262: Frenzy—Boredom is no excuse for daring Rumble to ask if he can take you-know-who on a date. (By Randall Boggs)

(In case you hadn't noticed, Knock Out is a little overprotective of her. He can and he will brutally murder anyone that gets too close to 'his' human. I don't think he really cares what side you're on, either. Just know that if he doesn't want you near Shiloh, you ain't gettin' near Shiloh.)

(Movin' on. Rumble and I were bored, so we decided to raid Shiloh's room for prank supplies—and that stupid journal of hers, but don't tell anyone that—but it turned out that she had run out, same as us. Well, with nothing better to do, we headed to the rec-room and came up with dares for each other.)

(At first, it was just little stuff. Setting off firecrackers in someone's quarters, putting a paint bomb in the med-bay—y'know, everyday pranks. Then I decided to see how far I could push Rumble.)

(I knew he liked Shiloh, but he was always muttering things about how it seemed like she hated him or something. Somehow he completely missed her constantly saying that he was the less annoying one and that he was one of the nicer Decepticons she'd met.)

(Naturally, I dared him to ask the good doctor if he could take Shiloh on a date.)

(… Heh, in hindsight, that might not have been my brightest idea, but it sure was funny to watch.)

(Knock Out looked somewhere between 'Run-Cuz-I'm-Gonna-Hurt-You-Pissed-Off' and 'Say-Goodbye-to-Your-Spark-Pissed-Off' when Rumble went through with it. Neither one of those is a good thing—especially not when Knock Out's involved.)

(Of course, Rumble had to go and backtrack and tell him that it was a dare from me.)

(Oh, and guess who was in the room while all of this was goin' on?)

(The next time she saw us, she threw a rock at my helm.)

Rule # 263: Shockwave—The Predacon was not designed with the purpose of playing 'fetch' in mind. (By Randall Boggs)

(Dreadwing's propensity for engaging in such an illogical activity is taxing at best. Still, Lord Megatron has yet to reprimand him for this, so I shall refrain from doing so myself.)

Rule # 264: Shockwave—The human is forbidden from coming within a two-hundred meter radius of my laboratory. (By DJ R3M1X)

(I do not appreciate her apparent need for causing trouble wherever she goes. And regardless of how many times Dreadwing and Knock Out insist that "She doesn't try to do it; it just happens," I will enforce this rule.)

Rule # 265: Dreadwing—You are to under no circumstances enter Shockwave's laboratory without express permission from a commanding officer. (By Mrs. Ukitake)

(As you have no doubt learned by now, there are many foolish things you can do aboard the Nemesis. Entering Shockwave's laboratory without permission is one of them.)

(Shockwave has been entrusted with sensitive experiments and technology that are prone to malfunction when mishandled. They were not designed with human use in mind, so I strongly advise against attempting to operate them. Nim has yet to learn this lesson despite repeated trips to the medical bay.)

(I am considering making a list of everything she is not allowed to touch and posting it outside Shockwave's laboratory, the medical bay, the rec-room, the Bridge, and perhaps most importantly, the Brig.)

(Then again, Nim would simply ignore it.)

Rule # 266: Knock Out—Unless you intend for the place to be completely and utterly destroyed, never leave the twins and Shiloh alone in an amusement park. (By Starsong008)

(Why you would even begin to think this is a good idea is beyond my comprehension, but apparently someone thought it was. Together, those three destroy enough valuable equipment here. Sure, they get in trouble for it, but do they ever learn?)

(You really didn't need to answer that.)

(As I was saying, there was nothing to do, so Shiloh, Breakdown, a few of the Vehicons, and I decided to go out for the day. The twins instantly declared that they were coming, too.)

(Later on, Breakdown dragged me on as many rollercoasters as he could find, leaving Shiloh alone with the Vehicons and the twins. I found out a few hours afterwards that the Vehicons almost immediately ran off to some sort of log ride, so that meant my girl was alone with those idiotic deployers.)

(Two hours had passed when I noticed that nearly all of the rides were on fire, except in the section Breakdown and I were in.)

(It took us another hour to track them down, but we eventually found everyone.)

(The Vehicons were staring in dismay at the log ride, which had gone up in flames.)

(Frenzy was walking around with a dozen or so packs of matches, Rumble had a can of kerosene, and Shiloh had three lighters.)

(I really didn't want to know how they got those past security.)

Rule # 267: Rumble and Frenzy—Blackmail is a must. Unless it's on Soundwave. (By PaDiYaFLAME)

(And we do mean on everyone. Except Soundwave.)

(I thought we agreed-)

(Yes, Rumble, even her. Ignore my twin. He just doesn't wanna blackmail Shy 'cuz he thinks she's pretty.)

(She is! Wait… gah! S-shut up! And we did blackmail her once or twice, but after last time, we agreed not to anymore. It's not worth another episode like that.)

(Oh, geez, don't remind me. I didn't know humans could be that twisted. And where in the fragging Pit did she get a hellhound?!)

(Uh… anyway. If you ever try to get blackmail on Soundwave, you will die of boredom. He does absolutely nothing blackmail-worthy.)

(We'd know. We're his deployers. But if you want someone worth blackmailing because he does something embarrassing and/or idiotic every two seconds, go follow Starscream around. I guarantee you you'll have plenty by the end of the day.)

Rule # 268: Shockwave—Despite the humans' claims, I am not a poor shot. (By missmoney101)

(My targeting systems may not be as complex as those of my fellow Decepticons, but I am perfectly capable of striking a moving target. Primus only knows how many times I have had to demonstrate this first-hand to Knock Out's human.)

Rule # 269: Rumble and Frenzy—'Who's Most Likely to Become an Autobot' is only a fun game for about the first five minutes. (By KithiaIsTheVillan)

(I think it's Dreadwing.)

(Naw, it's Screamer. Remember that cartoon Shy showed us?)

(That Screamer's not our Screamer, idiot. That's Dreadwing in disguise! Our Screamer would never side with the Autobots—not even if his life depended on it!)

(If he was dumb enough to leave the Decepticons and risk his life as a rogue, I'm sure he's dumb enough to leave the Decepticons and risk his life as an Autobot. Besides, when was the last time you can honestly say you saw Dreadwing doubting Lord Megatron?)

(Come on, one of these days, someone's going to slip up about Skyquake. You've seen how uncomfortable Shy looks whenever someone brings it up—it's only a matter of time before she tells him!)

(Shiloh knows the trouble she'd get into, Rumble. Not even she would do something that stupid just because lying about it makes her uncomfortable. Starscream can't be trusted! How many times has he tried to overthrow Lord Megatron? Hundreds? Thousands? How do we even know he's on our side now?! He could still be collaborating with that Silas freak for all we know!)

(Trust me, bro, Starscream wouldn't have dared to come back if he didn't realize how completely and utterly fragged he was without the Decepticons.)

(…Wait, we're doing it again, aren't we?)

(As you can probably tell, this conversation is exactly why it's a bad idea to play "Guess the Defector.")

Rule # 270: Dreadwing—While not explicitly banned, allowing Shiloh to consume excessive caffeine is not the best course of action. (By dragonbookaddict)

(Doubtless Knock Out will have something to say on this issue, but I might as well get it out of the way. While Nim does enjoy a cup or two of caffeinated coffee every morning, she can only handle so much caffeine. Hence Knock Out's ban on caffeinated sodas and teas. I believe the good doctor has a speech prepared on energy drinks, so I will refrain from mentioning the ban on those.)

(When Nim ignores the ban and drinks too much caffeine, she becomes very hyper and easily agitated. Anything and everything available to her becomes an instrument in the inevitable prank on Lord Megatron.)

(…Something about, "He should smile more," I believe?)

(An hour or so later, Nim gets a headache, and Knock Out is forced to send her to her room for the rest of the day.)

(Knock Out does not like having to do that, so anything containing caffeine that is not coffee is effectively banned from the confines of the Nemesis.)

'We'll be nice,' they told her. 'We won't say anything stupid,' they told her.

And just like the foolish human she was, she believed them. Oh, they hadn't done anything too dumb yet, but they would. They always did.

Luckily, KO wasn't acting like a spoiled prima donna—well, no more than he usually did. And the twins hadn't even tried to pull a prank on the n—scratch that, Frenzy just dumped glitter on the newbie's head, and Rumble just broke out the silly string. Shockwave was being a creepy, emotionless glitch, but he was always like that, so it didn't count.

At least Dreadwing was being kind of nice… in his own way.

Shiloh had the sickening feeling that once Starscream took the time out of his busy schedule to help out like he promised, things were going to get much, much worse.

The thought was enough to make her hit her forehead against the wall repeatedly.

"Why did I agree to this?" she wondered aloud, looking pleadingly up at the ceiling. "Idiots… all of them."

AN: I know most of you were probably expecting Shockwave to talk more, but in my opinion—because he's all about logic—he speaks as little and as concisely as he possibly can while still getting his point across.

Next Chapter: Decepticon Takeover—II