Hey, guys! Before getting into it, I want to recommend some of my favourite songs as of late...Undrunk by Fletcher. Dance Monkey by Tones and I. And then of course Kill My Mind by the beautiful Louis Tomlinson and Lights Up by the just as beautiful Harry Styles, although the Lights Up music video was an experience and a half, especially while high. Pretending and Honest by Mali Koa are just beautiful. Then Promise Me by Badflowers, which...Made my heart hurt when I heard the song, and then when I watched the video, I cried for the next hour. Yeah. I just wanted to share some happy things, since my note down the end isn't as happy, I guess. Anyway. On with the story x
"I can't believe you waited until now to tell me that your date tonight is with my cousin," Izzy snorted from where she was stretched out on Clary's unmade bed, the top sheet and blankets shoved down to the bottom of the bed in a tangled mess and one of Izzy's hands tucked under Clary's pillow. "We were literally helping you pick out thongs for this date last night!"
"Would you still have helped me pick out the lacy red underwear if you knew that it was your cousin I was trying to get to take them off?" Clary asked, not looking back over her shoulder or at Izzy's reflection in the mirror, completely focused on perfecting her smoky eye.
"Well..." Izzy hummed and Clary actually paused then, because Izzy was one of her best friends, and as exciting as this thing was with Jace, Izzy was still more important. Clary put down the eyeshadow brush that she had been using and turned around in the seat she had dragged from the kitchen and put down in front of the mirror in her room, looking back at the dark haired girl on her bed.
"I was going to tell you the other day, when we went out for coffee, but...I mean, you were asleep and being a bitch," Clary smiled tentatively and was relieved when Izzy snorted. "And I didn't know if we were going to go out again." Izzy regarded her for a moment before shrugging.
"It's fine, Clary," Izzy said, and she did sound fine. Clary had known Izzy for a while now, and she felt as though she could read her well. Izzy had tells when things weren't okay, just like everyone else. "And, I mean, if he's happy to keep buying us food, then I'm happy for you to date him. Oh—and if you guys are happy and shit," she added as afterthought and Clary snorted.
"Wow. Thanks," she drawled before turning back around to carry on with her make up, feeling better than she had before.
A lot better.
She had thought about telling Izzy last night, when they went out with Helen in response to her SOS text to find a dress, buuuut if she had really not liked the idea and had gotten pissed at Clary, then that would have put Helen in a super awkward position with them, so Clary hadn't done that.
So the plan had been to do it this morning, but Izzy had left to go and hook up with someone last night and she hadn't gotten home until a few hours ago, and then she had napped until about twenty minutes ago, when she had come in here and rudely taken over Clary's bed to watch her get changed.
"Ow!" Clary hissed as she tried to get the eyeliner just right and just succeeded in stabbing herself in the eye. "I fucking fail at being a woman!" She announced and Izzy laughed from the bed, getting up and coming over to stand behind Clary.
"Let me," she said. "And your eye-shadow game is strong, we all know that, you just suck at any type of fancy eyeliner work."
Yes.
They were all fucking aware of that.
Izzy could manage a near-perfect winged eyeliner on her first try, whereas Clary just looked like a five year old with a permanent marker going crazy on her face.
"Okay, I need the cotton swab..." Izzy mumbled and she dabbed the swap in some of the make up remover that Clary always knew to have readily available whenever she was going to attempt shit with eyeliner, and then started her fix up job. It only took a few minutes, and when Clary turned back to the mirror, her eyeliner looked absolutely perfect, because Izzy was an absolute queen.
"You're brilliant," Clary stated as she picked up a tube of lipstick.
"Nuh-uh—this one, it'll look better with your underwear, once he gets you out of your dress," Izzy smirked as she picked up another lipstick, a deep red one, that looked almost purplish-black. The lingerie that she was going with was no bra, because the dress had an inbuilt one, and unlike her more endowed friends, she could get away without wearing a bra if her dress was tight enough to support her. The underwear was a lacy red high waisted thong that had cost a stupid amount for a tiny scrap of material, but that both Helen and Izzy had agreed looked amazing, accentuating her waist and ass.
"You usually into helping people get laid by your cousin?" Clary smirked and Izzy rolled her eyes.
"Okay, please stop putting all of that together like that," she scrunched up her nose. "I think I can deal with this if it's just—ya know, all separate pieces. You're going on dates with someone. You're having sex with someone. Oh, hey, you're seeing my cousin, cool! But like—you don't need to be telling me that you're having sex with my cousin, okay?" Clary couldn't help but laugh.
"Right. Good to know that your boundaries are crystal clear," she replied.
"Eh," Izzy didn't seem bothered as she moved to the plastic rack in Clary's corner which served as a wardrobe, since the only room with an actual wardrobe was in the room that Simon and Jordan shared. "I feel good about this dress," she stated as she took out the dress that they had picked up last night, the original reason for the shopping emergency.
"That's because it was your number one pick," Clary retorted. "And because you know you have half the rights to it." Izzy was taller and curvier than Clary, but things like dresses or tee-shirts tended to fit them both if it was the right kind of fabric. They had decided shortly after they had moved in together that they would occasionally go halves on clothes because clothes were expensive but they both wanted new things.
Or, new for them.
They usually came from thrift stores because if you looked for long enough, there was some good stuff there, and it wasn't as expensive as getting things brand new.
"Please don't have sex in this dress," Izzy made a face. "I mean, generally we don't have that rule with our clothes because throw it through the wash and it's all good, but...I feel that I might care a bit more if I know that it was Jace who had sex with you in this dress." She mimed throwing up and Clary grinned devilishly.
"You're the one who brought up me having sex with your cousin that time. Not me." Izzy pulled the fingers at her and that was that.
Jace had seemed pretty insistent on coming by and picking Clary up, and by doing that, he had said that he would come up and get her, he'd actually seemed offended when she had messaged him half an hour ago telling him text when you're downstairs. It felt a bit weird, especially since everyone in the flat was there, and they were all very aware of what was going on and there were grins and shoves happening and wiggling eyebrows. Clary sniffed at them and tried to act as though she wasn't freaking out, even though she was checking her make up on the selfie-mode on her camera and tugging at the hem of her dress.
"Oh my god, you look hot as shit, stop freaking out," Jordan called out to her from where he was slumped on the couch, raising an eyebrow at her as she looked over at him.
"Well, maybe I should have gone for something a bit classier or whatever, right? Like...He's old and stuff, so maybe this is too much..." Clary scrunched up her nose as she looked down at her dress and Simon snorted while Izzy rolled her eyes.
"I don't know if you should start the evening by saying he's old," Simon stated. "And even if he was, like, fifty, that dress is killer."
"And he's not that much older than us," Izzy pointed out. "We're twenty-one, he's thirty-two, I mean...Eleven years isn't that much."
"When he was middle school, you were only just being born," Jordan stated and all three roommates turned to look at him. "What?! I'm just saying!" Izzy pulled a cushion out from behind her back and threw it at him. "What?!"
"Anyway," Izzy continued pointedly. "That dress isn't slutty or anything, especially since you're wearing that jacket. You look great, and he's gonna think so too."
And, well, no shit, Clarry was aware that she looked great, she'd seen her reflection multiple times in the past hour as she had been getting ready, and then in the past ten minutes since she had actually finished, but she still felt stupidly nervous. The dress was a deep red, tight and sleeveless, that gathered around her neck and left her shoulders and arms bare, with black designs around the torso, and a full skirt that ended a few inches above her knees, with a pair of high black heels.
Part of her had actually wondered if the dress was too cute when she had tried it on in the store, but Helen and Izzy had insisted that it wouldn't be, especially once her face and hair was done and she was wearing heels, and they had been right. It was definitely more sexy than cute now.
There was a knock at the front door, just as Clary was beginning to wonder if she should swap handbags to the glittery small one that she usually used when she went to gigs and concerts, and she made a face as she looked at the door, nose wrinkling and lips pulling back over her teeth.
"Merp," she uttered and Jordan snorted on the couch.
"Should I give him the dad talk?" Simon grinned as he threw his playstation controller and made a move to get up off the couch.
"Pretty sure he's old enough to be our dad," Jordan grinned and Clary shot him a dark look before there was a laugh from Izzy. Simon was still moving to the front door and Clary was about to tell him to fuck off, because she really had no idea what he was going to come out with when he greeted Jace on the other side of the door, but Simon was already pulling open the door and it would be too fucking obvious now yelling at him, so she just let it happen.
And Jace looked edible.
Like—shit.
"Hey," Simon greeted him, acting like a normal fucking human being, while Clary felt as though she was stuck to the spot.
"Hi, Simon," Jace replied, voice smooth and easy, and not sounding anywhere near as nervous as Clary was feeling. His eyes searched over Simon's shoulder, in the lounge first, where Izzy and Jordan were, and then toward the kitchen, where Clary was, and his face softened when he saw her, although there was something about his eyes that seemed to get a bit darker.
That was a good sign.
A very good sign.
Hopefully a sign that she was going to end up out of her dress and the sexy red thong.
"Hi, Clary," Jace's voice was about an octave lower, which did stupid things to the part of her that was being hidden by the sexy red thong and Clary blinked, because she had done a lot of stupid things in front of her roommates before—including a lot of stupid things with her roommates—but she wasn't going to fling herself at the beautiful blonde and demand that he take her to her tiny bedroom and have his way with her right then and there.
"Si!" Jordan called from where he was still on the couch. "Stop hogging the door! Let the man in, or let the woman out!" Simon rolled his eyes as he stepped to the side, and Clary shot a thankful look over at Jordan before taking a few steps forward and then stopping short when she saw what was in Jace's hand.
Flowers.
He brought her flowers.
No one had ever brought her flowers.
Like, Simon had once picked her flowers when they were kids and he had a crush on her, but they were from the neighbours garden and they were all torn and ripped and there were clumps of dirt hanging from them.
But these were proper fucking flowers.
All colourful and wrapped in ribbon and beautiful.
"Oh wow," Clary blinked as he extended the flowers out to her, offering them to her. Clary took them and couldn't help but smush her nose into the middle of the flowers, probably the opposite of elegant and whatever else the other froofy, fancy-ass girls that Jace usually dated would do, but they looked so pretty and she wanted to know if they smelt as good as they looked. "Thank you," Clary said as she lifted her head and looked back at Jace, and he was smiling at her. "Oh shit," she realized as she looked over her shoulder. "I don't think we have a vase..."
"I'll sort it out!" Izzy called out, getting up from where she was on the arm chair and grinning at Jace before taking the flowers from Clary's hands. "You guys go!" She shoved at Clary's shoulder and Jace held out his hand to her.
"Are you ready?" He asked and Clary was about to answer when Izzy did for her.
"Yes—she is! Just go!"
"Fucking hell," Clary couldn't help but mutter and roll her eyes and she heard Jace laugh under his breath as they stepped out into the hallway and Clary pulled the door shut behind her. "Sorry about them," she scrunched up her nose and it was weird that she felt the need to apologise for her friends. Because she never did. They were awesome and if people didn't think that, then clearly they were people that Clary didn't want in her life, but she just felt nervous.
It was different from when she had been getting ready with Izzy, she actually felt on edge right now.
It was crap.
"Clary?" Jace murmured and she looked up, blinking at the expectant look on his face, as though he had said her name a couple of times now. "Are you alright?"
"I just feel weirdly nervous right now," Clary stated, not bothering to act coy about it, because it honestly had taken her aback and she felt a bit off balance.
"Is it...Is it because of where we're going?" Jace asked, looking a little hesitant and Clary pressed her lips together as she thought about going to the fancy restaurant on the beachfront with Jace in his suit that definitely cost three times as much as what her entire outfit—including shoes and bag—cost, and in his car that looked as though it should only be driven by movie stars. She hadn't really thought about it too much, actually, not until the last half an hour, because up until that point most of her concern was on her make up and hair, even yesterday after their phone call, when she had gone out shopping with Helen and Izzy, and she hadn't thought much further than after getting dressed.
Until now.
"Maybe?" Clary cringed. "I don't know?"
"Did you...Okay, how about this?" Jace tilted his head to the side and smiled. "You said that dessert was the most important part of the meal to you, right?"
"Of course," Clary frowned at the phrasing of the question, because it kind of sounded as though dessert wasn't the most important part of the meal to him, which would be all kinds of wrong.
"I found this dessert bar as well, where we could go. How about we go there first and see how it goes, and if you're still feeling a bit uncertain about the restaurant, we can find some pizza parlor to go to?" Jace suggested and Clary blinked at him.
Honestly, she would just be really happy to go back to his place now and let him take her out of the dress.
"That sounds perfect," Clary stated, and it was like that knot that had tied itself in her chest—that she hadn't even recognized before Jace had shown up—instantly started to loosen in her chest. "Do I get a kiss first?" She asked, and she must have been feeling a little better at least because the question came out flirty and it made Jace blink and then laugh, caught off guard before he leaned in, his hand coming up to cup curve around the side of her face for a moment before he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
It was chaste and sweet and not enough but it would have to do for now.
"Ready?" Jace asked for a smile, looking more relaxed that he had the first time he had asked the question, holding out his hands, fingers spread a bit, leaving the pefect spaces for Clary to slide her fingers between.
"Ready," Clary nodded her head and slipped her hand into his.
Jace's car looked beautiful as usual parked at the curb, and once they got inside, he didn't have any complaints as Clary picked up the aux cord and made a move to plug her phone in. She didn't go with her boy bands this time, since Jace had already rolled with it last time and had no complaints, instead just tapping into an album by The 1975 and letting it play quietly as they drove through the city. It was quiet, but not in an awkward way that it was with some people, so Clary was okay with that, and she liked watching Jace work the gears as they came to stop at a red light, and then accelerated smoothly through when they switched to green.
His hands were big and his fingers were long.
It was putting a lot of ideas in her head.
A lot.
The dessert bar that Jace had picked out wasn't a fancy place like Nino's, which surprised Clary a bit and calmed her down even more, even if she did feel a bit overdressed once they got inside. But Jace was dressed up even fancier than she was, and there were a couple of girls in there who looked as though they must be on their way to some event because they were all dolled up in long dresses and high hair as well.
"Okaaaay," Clary hummed out.
"What's up?" Jace had an amused look on his face as he moved to stand next to her, obviously already have decided on what he was going to pick.
"I can't decide on a slice of the banana and peach cake, or a slice of a cherry pie," Clary said as she glanced between the two desserts. "Fuck it, I'm gonna do eenie-meenie-miney-moe," she shrugged and there was a laugh from Jace.
"Or, as adorable as that would be to watch, I could just get you both," Jace put a hand on her waist and steered her toward the counter. Clary's eyebrows lifted at the offer, but she wasn't going to argue, and Jace's big hand on her waist felt nice, warm through the thin material of her dress.
"Hi!" The girl behind the counter was big smiles and wandering eyes as she looked between Jace and Clary.
Clary may have taken half a step closer to Jace, just in case the girl thought for half a second that they weren't together.
Because they definitely were.
"Can we get a slice of the banana and peach cake, the cherry pie and..." he trailed off and looked back into the cabinet. "And the double chocolate cake?"
"Boring," Clary coughed under her breath and Jace shot her a cheeky glance before looking back at the girl behind the counter and smiling.
"All to take away?" She asked in a peppy voice.
"Yes, thank you," Jace replied, and his hand fell from her waist so that he could pull his wallet out of his pocket and slide out his credit card, but almost as soon as it was gone it was returning, pressing gently against her waist and fingers curving over her hip a little. Clary liked the way it felt just a touch possessive, but not enough to be annoying, and she let herself move a bit closer again, as Jace paid and then awkwardly shuffled his credit card back into his wallet with only one hand, and then put it into his pocket on the other side this time. The worker moved away to get their dessert and Jace half turned to Clary, resting his hand on the counter top, and his eyes were soft as they looked down at her, soft and gold. "How are you feeling?" He asked and Clary wrinkled her nose as she looked up at him, face confused. "Before...You were feeling a bit off?"
And that was fucking embarrassing.
Clary had almost suppressed the memory of the nerves getting on top of her when they had first left her apartment, and then it all came rushing back and she felt like an idiot, because she never felt nervous around guys or when she was going on dates and Jace was lovely and he had brought her flowers and everything and then she almost had a weird breakdown just outside her front door.
"I'm totally fine," Clary told Jace as the girl came back with their food, handing over a paper bag and flashing a smile that Jace returning politely, although it was clear his attention was fully on Clary as he put slight pressure on her waist, and they moved on from the counter, walking toward the door.
"I'm just as happy to go to a pizza place!" Jace told her with a grin. "Pizza is great!"
"Damn right pizza is great, you're never going to hear me denying that," Clary agreed with a few determined nods. "But I was promised Nino's, so I want Nino's." Jace's smile grew, and Clary's heart beat stupidly fast in her chest, so instead of thinking about that, she hip checked him playfully and then snatched the bag of desserts of his hands, skipping off in front of him toward where his car was parked.
Alright, so, obviously I didn't update last month. My bad. I'm in a pretty shitty spot, to be honest, mentally and physically and I've just got a lot going on right now. I'm still dealing with the abrupt loss of a family member and the fall out of that on my family and recently my husband has had a colleague take his life, which has brought up a lot for him. We're going to be okay, we're dealing with things, but I just need to take a breath right now. When I am in front of my computer and I'm actually focused enough to write, I'm not sticking to the schedules that I had before and I'm just writing what I really feel like which unfortunately hasn't been these stories. So I'm just...Gonna take a step back for a bit.
You guys are all beautiful, and I'll be back soon, I just need a bit of a breather to re-centre myself.
Since updating last, it has been World Coming Out Day and World Mental Health Day and I just wanted to say to anyone dealing with mental health issues and anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether you are out and loud or still processing things internally, you are all beautiful and deserve love and kindness. Just because I'm going to be away for a little bit, doesn't mean I'm unreachable, feel free to message me on my socials or on here if anyone ever wants to just chat, even if it's just about movies or songs, we all need to look after ourselves first, and then one another.
Much love xx
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