In the morning, over breakfast, Sarah asked Remus for some scissors and combs. "The kids should all have their own combs or brushes, and I could use scissors to cut their hair. And do they have toiletries, their own soap and shampoo and conditioner?"
"I'll transfigure the tools, if you give me details. I'll get the soap and such the next time I'm allowed out for supplies."
"I should practice fixing someone's hair."
"Your own always looks lovely."
"Thank you, Remus. How sweet of you to notice."
"I'm just stating the obvious."
"But it's different doing someone else's. And the boys should have their hair cut shorter."
Remus nodded. "Perhaps I could encourage them to volunteer, make a challenge out of it."
"I was thinking I'd start with you."
"Me?"
Sarah nodded. "Once you show them that you trust me to have scissors near you, they'll trust me too."
Remus considered this, then gave a curt nod. "You're right. And it's not like you could make me look any worse if you tried."
Sarah let that slide. "The next time you wash your hair, use my conditioner afterwards."
Remus wrinkled his brow at her.
"There are instructions on the bottle," she explained. "I'm sure you can handle this. It'll help you get those tangles out. They're not all that bad, really, you just look a bit unkempt. You just take a glug of it, and work it through. Don't put it on your roots. That can make your hair look greasy. Just from around here down." She reached for his hair to show him. "Just around here, where the tangles tend to form. OK?" She ran her hands along his hair from the back of his head to his neck, to where his hair brushed his shoulders.
Remus didn't answer. Sarah realized that he seemed frozen under her hands. She cradled his head in her hands and looked at him, her face very close to his. "OK?" She had to do a little dance with her neck to keep eye contact with him, as he kept trying to look away.
"You don't have to touch me," he said eventually. "You could just tell me what to do."
"I wasn't volunteering to get in the shower with you. Unless you're inviting me."
"No! No, I just mean even now, you don't have to touch me."
"Do you want me to stop touching you?"
Remus seemed to be thinking an awful lot about how to answer a simple yes/no question. Sarah brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes while she was waiting. She let go of him eventually.
"Conditioner," said Remus. "Right. When I shower after I exercise tonight, I'll do it."
"You're resuming your usual workout routine already?"
"I've got to. Superhuman strength doesn't just happen. I can't take the easy way out and get bitten by a radioactive spider like some people."
Sarah laughed.
True to his word, Remus discussed scissor and comb design with her over their hasty lunch, and brought some rocks and sticks into the tent to transfigure after dinner. Then he headed out to exercise, making Sarah feel vaguely guilty, so she did some exercises as well. She was out of the shower by the time Remus returned, sweaty and exhausted. He took a longer turn in the shower than usual.
"Interesting stuff," he said when he finally came out, with grey pajamas and slightly damp hair. He must have dried it magically. "I was never very good at potions, and conditioner is no exception."
"I'm sure you did fine. Have a seat, I'll get to work. You don't have a mirror here, do you?"
"I hate mirrors." He sighed. "But I'll transfigure one for you." He went out of the tent for a moment and brought in another rock. After some work with his wand, it was much flatter and shinier. It worked, but looked a bit shabby, like everything he made.
Sarah leaned the mirror up against a stack of books so Remus could see it. "This, for instance," she said. "Look at these brighter blond streaks up here against the golden-brown background. People pay good money for highlights like this, but you got them just from sun." She saw in the mirror that his eyes were closed. "Hey! I'm trying to teach you something here. You're not a very good student."
"Sorry," Remus said, opening his eyes but looking away from the mirror. "I hate mirrors."
"They like you," she laughed.
"They have an odd way of showing it," he grumbled. "Insulting me when I so much as look at them."
"Close your eyes if you insist," said Sarah. "Just let me brush your hair so I get an idea of what I'm working with." He closed his eyes again, and let her untangle and brush his hair without further complaint. The conditioner had really helped. Knots, some centered around burrs, melted under her fingers. "Is there a spell for untangling hair?" Sarah suddenly wondered.
After a pause, Remus said, "Probably. I think there's a potion for it. Not my area of expertise. I always focused more on defensive spells."
"Ah." She kept working. It was very quiet. "Did you get a chance to talk to Whitefang?"
"Oh, yes. It was embarrassing, really. He got down on the ground and submitted to me, said he now considers me higher in pack rank than him, and he owes me a life debt. I tried telling him that Greyback was at least as responsible for his rescue as I, but he didn't believe me. My actions at the Institute did seem more efficient. Greyback was vandalizing it just out of hate. I was apparating everyone out as fast as I could. Whitefang recognized that. He was so grateful to me, he had tears in his eyes."
"Wow," said Sarah. "That's great."
"I took advantage of course," said Remus. "I said that as a small favor, since I value my privacy, I would like his promise that he will not subject you to legilimency or any other mind arts, as I don't want anyone to know the details of what I've been doing to you, and as far as I know he's the only legilimens in the pack. He agreed immediately, of course, and was insulted that I'd even felt I had to ask. Greyback gave you to me, after all, so you are completely my property, including your memories, until Greyback decides to take back his gift. Whitefang is honorable, as werewolves go."
"That's wonderful!" said Sarah. "You have an ally of sorts here."
"I'll have to kill him, for the wards he cast to fall," said Remus. "I don't think even a life debt could make him betray the pack willingly."
There was silence after that.
"I could put on some music," Sarah realized. "So you're not bored."
"If you like."
She did, putting the tape of folk music in the player and pressing play. Then she got back to work until all the tangles were out. They hadn't really been all that bad, as he apparently made a half-arsed attempt to keep them under control, but she could understand that he had other priorities. Finally she could run a brush freely through his hair. It felt soft. After a while, she realized that what she was doing now wasn't really justifiable as hairstyling. Running her fingers through his beautiful hair didn't serve any practical purpose. He wasn't complaining, at least. Sarah stepped back and looked at him from various angles.
Remus opened his eyes and looked at her. "Ready to cut it off? Make me look a bit more human?"
"The trouble is..." she said, walking around him. "The trouble is, your hair's perfect already. Yes, it's long for a bloke, but that's the fashion now. You look like a rock star, as I said before. Even more like one now that it's properly cared-for. I don't want to mess with perfection."
Remus laughed so hard he couldn't speak for a while. "I was wondering what the prank would be!" he eventually choked out. "I was expecting you to give me some comically awful haircut, but that's too obvious, isn't it? This is creative, I'll give you that."
"This isn't a prank," said Sarah. "I mean it. You look great. A little wild, yes, but that's a popular look among young men now. Really it is. You pull it off very well."
Remus kept laughing.
"The boys should have their hair cut shorter of course," she said. "Most parents wouldn't allow their sons to follow fashion like this. And they'd want to make sure everyone knows they're boys. You can't really tell except for clothes and hair whether kids are boys or girls. But you, I mean, it's just so obvious you're a man there's no confusion no matter how long your hair is."
Remus stopped laughing. He looked at her, quickly looked away, looked briefly at the mirror, looked away from that too, and finally settled his gaze on a bookcase. "I am not a man. I am a monster."
Sarah laughed and gave his broad shoulder a teasing shove. "You've been listening to too much Alice Cooper. That sounds like something he'd sing."
That got him to look her in the eye again, although he didn't speak for a while.
She gazed at him steadily, daring him to argue.
"Probably," he said eventually. He gave her a respectful nod. "And I thought I was a good liar," he said quietly. "I could take lessons from you."
—-
In the morning, Remus took Sarah's advice on quickly running a comb through his newly-manageable hair, although she couldn't convince him to look in the mirror.
"Well, I'm off," he said. "I'll try to integrate the new children into my classes today. I'm sorry, it would be best if you didn't attend. If this goes well, I'll bring you to class tomorrow."
"I'm looking forward to it." She indicated her lesson plan. "I'll be prepared."
When Remus left, she prepared. She practiced saying her lesson aloud. She pictured the class of young werewolves, some attentive, some bored, some goofing off, some staring hungrily. She tried to anticipate questions. She practiced demonstrations on her own hair.
Remus returned to his tent for a hasty lunch, then a more relaxed dinner. "The children, even the new arrivals, should be ready for your lesson tomorrow," he said. "They understand that they're free to go if they feel at all uncomfortable."
"How are they doing?"
"As well as can be expected. Lord Greyback assigned them guardians, based on which pack members have earned his favor recently. It's an honor to be entrusted with the care of a pup." Remus laughed. "He offered me first pick, if I wanted one, but I said my other obligations kept me too busy. I'm already responsible for the education of all the pups in the pack, which is really the highest honor he could bestow upon me."
"Do you want your own kids, someday?"
Remus was speechless.
"I'm sorry, it was rude of me to ask, and I know you're only twenty, so you have plenty of time to think about—"
Remus laughed. "'Plenty of time!' Oh, that's a good one." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, are you trying to help me practice my human persona? Thank you, I should have a good, human-sounding story prepared for any question. Let's see—"
"No, I don't want a convincing story, I was just curious. You're so good with kids, I can see you with your own."
"Pups given to me by Lord Greyback, under his conditions, would not truly be my own. I'd hate to either raise a child to his specifications, or ask a child to live a double life, showing one face to me, another to Greyback. Either option would be terrible."
"But if Greyback were out of the picture?"
"Well, that is the end goal of course."
"So afterwards?"
"There's no point thinking about it. Even if I somehow survive this war, I don't know if the Ministry of Magic even bothered to pass a law banning werewolves from adopting children. The whole concept is absurd. And it's not as if the muggle government would permit a single, destitute man to adopt a child. Nor should they."
"There's always the old-fashioned way to have kids."
"You're thinking of the human way. I'm a Dark creature, Sarah. We can't reproduce like normal creatures, not even like normal wolves. Out normal mode of reproduction is to infect and kidnap human children. Or human adults, but they have more trouble adjusting, as you saw. I would never willingly infect anyone."
"So all the kids here started off as human? They were all adopted by werewolves after they were infected?"
"Yes. We have the usual parental instincts, but female werewolves are infertile. A fetus can't survive the monthly transformations of its host. Male werewolves, well, they can and do get female humans pregnant through rape. I've had to feign appreciation of lord Greyback's anecdotes about this." Remus set down his fork. "This isn't appropriate dinnertime conversation. I'm sorry."
"I want to know. Please."
Remus continued. "Lord Greyback had ambitions to beget heirs via this method, but it never worked. The difficulty is in keeping a woman alive, while she's pregnant with a werewolf's baby."
"Wait. Being pregnant with a werewolf's baby is lethal? Then why was Greyback talking about you and me contributing a magical pup to the pack?"
"Lord Greyback is insane. I thought that was obvious. He thinks I could do what he could not, that with my unusual ability to fake being human, I could prevent my human victim from killing herself to avoid bearing my child." Remus shook his head.
"Wait, back up," said Sarah. "Is being pregnant with a werewolf's baby lethal or not?"
"Well, since no human would want to bear a child as monstrous as her werewolf rapist, if the victim is prevented from safely terminating her pregnancy, then suicide would be her only recourse. So yes, it's effectively lethal." Remus had stopped eating a while ago. "I'm sorry, this is a terrible thing to try to discuss over dinner. I can understand your interest in the subject, but please, let's postpone it to a better time."
"All right," said Sarah. "Are you going to make me talk about the weather or something?"
"No, our conversation needn't be that bland. It's only fair for me to ask you the corresponding question. Do you hope to have children, once all this is over and you return to your own world?"
There was a pause in the conversation.
"You needn't answer of course," said Remus. "I have no right to pry. There's little enough privacy here that I don't wish to—"
"No, it's a fine question, I'm just thinking. I mean. I always thought I didn't want kids. I didn't want to be a parent, anyway. At least not a parent like my own parents."
Remus waited patiently as she ordered her thoughts.
"I left home as soon as I could, you see. I've been living on the road. My parents aren't looking for me, I'm sure. They don't even know I'm missing."
"I had assumed as much," said Remus. "This pack specializes in those sorts of victims."
"So, I thought, I mean, aside from the obvious problems of raising a baby while hitchhiking around, which would be ridiculous, I wouldn't want to have a kid who would grow to hate me like I…"
"Not everyone hates their parents," said Remus. "Sirius does of course. I assume your reasons are comparable to his." He gave a wry little laugh. "Thinking of what Sirius's parents did to him isn't that much more appetizing a topic. Maybe the weather was our best option. It's been unseasonably cool lately." He drew his wand and pointed it at his dinner. "I'll put a stasis charm over this and try to eat it later. Now I just want to punch someone, and as punching my pack leader would be unwise, I'll go harass some innocent dead logs instead. Can I get you anything before I go? Is this enough for your dinner?"
"Plenty, thanks."
"You have enough light to read by?"
"I still have that marmalade jar full of flames. I'll be fine."
"Well, don't wait up. I'll be disgustingly sweaty when I return, thus even worse company than usual. Good luck getting your appetite back. I'm sure my absence will help."
"Enjoy your exercise."
"Enjoy your dinner."
After Remus left, Sarah finished her dinner in the silence of the tent, with occasional noises of werewolves walking through the camp outside. Books didn't really make an adequate substitute for Remus's company, but at least they didn't keep doing that annoying self-deprecating thing. She finally put on some music and danced, briefly breaking free from her awareness of the constraints of the situation as she always had. And at least Remus wasn't the only one exercising. A shower filled out the evening, and Remus still hadn't returned. He hadn't actually answered her question about whether he wanted kids, just listed the obstacles preventing him from having them.
He must have crept in silently at some point in the night, because he was there in the morning, serving breakfast to both of them.
"Got a lot of good exercising done?" Sarah surmised.
"Yes. I can barely move now," he replied. "Are you ready to teach your first real lesson?"
"I think so."
"You'll do great. The children are really looking forward to this. Although I think a few will be disappointed that this isn't a prank."
They walked through the dappled light that filtered down through the trees to the encampment. Sarah didn't just see hunger in the yellow eyes of the adult werewolves who stared at her. She saw hate, hate for a human, one of the species that had killed so many of their packmates. She stayed close to Remus.
They arrived at the clearing, where the kids were tumbling over one another, wrestling and play-biting.
"Good morning children," said Remus.
"Good morning Professor Lupin," the kids responded. They settled down on the benches.
"Those who can, remember to fully embody your human guises," said Remus. "No fangs, eyes back to your human color, yes, very good. New students, simply watch and learn for now. I'll provide private tutoring to you in this subject later."
Sarah looked around at the class. There were some unfamiliar, wolffish faces, looking scared. Some had scars similar to Remus's, but not as extreme.
"As a special treat today, Miss Briarcliff, my human, will teach a special class on hairstyling. She is of course the expert on how to look human. Julie, as I said before, if you feel uncomfortable, you are free to leave at any time. In fact I see Debra waiting for you just by that tree. It was very brave of you to come to class at all today. Tomorrow I'm sure you'll feel up to staying a bit longer."
A little girl who'd been quietly shaking bolted for the trees.
"Quite all right," said Remus. "Now then, I think we're all ready for today's lesson. Miss Briarcliff, you have the floor." Remus sat down by a new, scarred, yellow-eyed boy, and set an example of quiet attentiveness. He also set a hand on the boy's shoulder. The boy leaned into him with a sob.
"Thank you Professor Lupin," said Sarah. "Today I'm going to teach you about the crowning glory of your human disguises, hairstyling. Now, I see that those of you who've been practicing are really very convincing at looking human. I honestly couldn't tell the difference between you and actual humans."
Many students smiled in pride.
"But to be really inconspicuous in human society, you'll need to look not just like a human, but like a civilized, tidy, even stylish human, so that's what I'll be teaching today."
She did. She spoke about how people like to express their individuality through their own personal style. She spoke about trends and fashion. She showed pictures from the haircuts book as examples, although magazines would have been better.
"As soon as the pack can provide you all with the appropriate toiletries, I'll be offering my hair cutting and styling services to anyone who would like a more civilized human look. Until then, you can think about what style you'd like. Shorter styles are generally easier to care for, while longer styles can look more interesting and glamorous. Like your own Professor Lupin for example." She enjoyed his blush, and the laughter of the children. "Any questions?"
A perfectly human-looking blonde girl of about ten, who Sarah didn't recognize, raised her hand. Sarah called on her. "Yes?"
"Why are you helping werewolves look human? Why should we trust you?"
"Because Professor Lupin told me to," said Sarah. "And he's in charge. I obey him."
The girl looked confused at that, but the rest of the class found that a perfectly acceptable explanation.
The girl raised her hand again.
"Yes, another question?"
"Can you braid my hair like my sister used to?"
"That depends. I can try. What did she do?"
"She can do a French braid. Those are really hard. My sister can do anything."
"Those are hard, but I'll do my best. Would you like me to try now?"
"Yes."
As Sarah walked to her, the boy next to Remus bolted for the woods. Sarah ignored him, simply sat by the girl, and brushed her hair. It was in much better shape than Remus's had been. "What beautiful hair you have."
"It's not as nice as my sister's."
Under the staring eyes of everyone, Sarah braided the girl's hair. It somehow came out beautifully, but, "I just realized I don't have an elastic. I'll give you mine." She took the elastic out of her own hair and put it around the end of the girl's braid. "There! Not bad if I say so myself. I'll get the mirror so you can see. Well, really you need two mirrors so you can see the back of your head." Remus provided another one, and they held the mirrors for the girl.
"How did I do?" Sarah asked.
"It's not as good as my sister's," said the girl. "But it's OK. It's OK." She suddenly started crying.
Sarah didn't even think, just hugged the girl, who wept on her shoulder. "It's all right. You're safe now." The girl kept crying.
Remus discreetly put a box of transfigured tissues by them. Sarah recognized their slightly leafy look. "Let's get you cleaned up now, it's all right…" Sarah said.
"I would like to thank Miss Briarcliff for that most enlightening lesson," said Remus. "Now I believe it's time for recess." He came over once he'd conjured an iridescent bubble for the kids to play with.
The girl shied away from Remus, clinging to Sarah.
Remus backed up to give her a bit more space.
"Stay away from me," said the girl. "I saw what you did to the guard. You're a feral. You look human now, but you're really a feral."
"I don't deny it," said Remus. "You weren't at the Institute very long, were you?"
"I don't talk to ferals," said the girl, and she pointedly looked away from Remus.
"Well then, I'm glad you have Miss Briarcliff to talk to," said Remus. To Sarah, he said, "Let me know if you need anything," and walked away.
"Need another tissue?" Sarah asked.
The girl shook her head and looked at her for a while. "You look sort of like my big sister Margaret."
"Oh?"
"But you're not."
"That's right. I'm not." She felt like apologizing for that, which was silly. "I know Professor Lupin introduced me as Miss Briarcliff, but you can call me Sarah if you want."
"I'm Katherine Perks. But Greyback said I should forget my last name, since they're not my family anymore. The pack is my family now."
"He would know," said Sarah, trying not to sound awkward.
"He's a feral," said Katherine contemptuously. "Ferals are Dark creatures. They don't know anything."
"Well. You shouldn't say that sort of thing out loud around here."
"I hate ferals," said Katherine. "One bit me and I hate them."
"Um…"
"I want to go home." Tears welled in her eyes. "But my parents wouldn't want me back. The neighbors reported me. They heard me howling. My parents aren't very good at silencing spells. I heard them arguing. Margaret said that the whole family could move somewhere else, and our parents said they couldn't live like that, having to keep moving, always hiding a secret, and how could they explain that I didn't go to Hogwarts? They said they might as well cut their losses."
"I'm sorry," said Sarah.
"I used to think, back at the Institute, that Margaret would rescue me. She'd break me out of my cage and we'd run away together, somewhere. But she didn't. It was werewolves and Death Eaters instead."
"It was a very big job," said Sarah. "It took a lot of planning, and lots of people working together, to rescue you all."
"Maybe Margaret should join the Death Eaters."
"Um. The important thing is that you're out now. You're free."
"I'm not free. There's a ward around the whole camp."
"Well. That's there to keep you safe."
Katherine leaned in close to Sarah. "Have you tried to escape?" she whispered.
Sarah shook her head. "It's impossible."
"We've got to try. We don't belong here. I can't live like a feral."
Sarah shrugged. "We've all got to just live the lives we get, right?" She and Katherine watched the kids playing. All the familiar kids were showing great kindness to the newcomers, making a point of including them in their games.
Angelique looked their way, and, seeing that Katherine was no longer crying, came over. "Come play with us," she said. "I'm Angelique, the class librarian. I'll be your friend."
"I don't play with ferals," said Katherine.
Angelique nodded, and said, "Professor Lupin said the new kids will need some time to adjust. I'll try again tomorrow," and she walked away.
Katherine glared after her.
After recess, Remus taught something about history, although Sarah wasn't really paying attention, as she was busy berating herself for forgetting that she'd need extra hair elastics, and jotting down notes for what kinds Remus should transfigure or otherwise obtain. Katherine read over her shoulder with interest. Once Human Impersonation class was over, the kids all dispersed, the new ones meeting up with the adult werewolves waiting for them in the woods, although Katherine needed some encouragement from Remus to go.
Sarah and Remus walked back to his tent for lunch. "That was brilliant, Sarah!" Remus said, once the tent safely insulated their voices from the rest of the camp. "Thank you!"
"I'm happy to help. And you thanked me already."
"That was just for show, demonstrating human behavior for the class. Now I'm thanking you for real."
"Whatever. What's for lunch?"
Remus hurried to serve some.
After Remus left to teach Magic class, Sarah searched his books for pictures of people she could use as examples in class, but pickings were slim. It was 1980, for goodness sake, but most of the illustrations in the normal books were from decades or centuries ago, and the illustrations in even the newer-looking magical books looked positively medieval.
Remus wasn't back by dinner time. After waiting a while, Sarah opened a tin of beans and ate half of it cold. The other half wasn't appealing. She was contemplating opening a tin of something else when Remus returned.
"Sorry I'm late," he said. "You must be hungry."
"I'm managing."
He rushed to the tent's little kitchen area. "What can I get you?"
"I'm fine. Have you eaten?"
"Lord Greyback required my services, and invited me to dine with him. It's an honor. I managed to avoid eating with some sleight-of-hand."
"You must be hungry."
"Not really, no."
"I was just about to have some pineapple. Want to split a tin?"
"All right." Remus opened the tin, poured half into a bowl for her, and ate the rest straight out of the tin.
Sarah waited to see if Remus would mention what Greyback had wanted, but he didn't, so she broke the silence. "I've been looking through your books for examples of human fashion, but there's very little that looks modern. Could you get something newer?"
Remus smiled. "Good idea. I'll look, the next time I'm allowed out, which will be tomorrow. I convinced Lord Greyback of the importance of your idea to buy suitable toiletries for the children, to help them perfect their human disguises."
"That's great!" She thought. "And could you get some sort of magical detangler, if it exists? Some of these kids look so wild, I don't think ordinary conditioner will do."
"Probably. There are beauty potion shops that sell all sorts of mysterious things." He laughed. "Entering one of those shops is hardly the worst task I've done in this war, but not one I anticipated." He ate some more pineapple. "I have some errands to do first. I'll start at the Animagus Registry at the Ministry of Magic, to try to discover the human identities of those two mysterious animals that attacked me in Hogsmeade. That's assuming they're animagi at all, not some other sorts of magical beasts."
"But…"
"That won't take long, as they're not in the files. Well, normally it would take long, and I'd have to figure out whom to bribe for my request to be processed this century, but fortunately I'll have the help of my colleague Regulus Black, who will accompany me on this outing."
"What?"
"Oh yes, the Ministry provides prompt service to respected members of important families such as the Blacks. He'll get me in the door, and I, a concerned citizen who happened to be in Hogsmeade that night,, will describe the suspected animagi to the best of my ability to whomever's behind the desk. This person will search the files, come up blank, and apologize to Black. He'll shoot some of his family's trademark sneers around the office, and we'll take our leave."
"How can Black just stroll into a government office? He's a Death Eater!"
"It's a good thing this tent is warded to block sound from escaping, for his family would sue you for slander if they heard you make such a vile accusation. They'd win, too. They've done it before, to a magazine reporter. That was technically for libel, as he was guilty of defamation of character via written rather than spoken words. He's in prison now. Anyway, once that little chore is checked off the to-do list, and I've despaired of this dead end, and done some thinking aloud about illegal experimentation in animal breeding, I will side-along apparate my esteemed colleague to the vicinity of my father's house in Cardiff, not for tea, but simply so Black can scout out the place and come back with a ward-breaker later."
Sarah gulped. "Your father—"
"Is perfectly safe from direct attack by Death Eaters, as Lord Greyback has decided that I should have the honor of killing him myself on the full moon. Lord Greyback asked for the Dark Lord's help only to get me through my father's defenses. The Dark Lord is happy to humor him about this, and no doubt agrees that the death of a magical exterminator by a Dark creature would be poetic enough to contribute to the feeling of terror which seems to be his aim."
"Can you warn your father?" Sarah asked.
Remus nodded. "As soon as Black has finished his business with me, I'll tell him I'm off to run errands for the pack, shopping in muggle and wizarding shops. Black won't want to tag along for that, certainly not for the muggle part given his contempt for muggles, so I'll be free to apparate to Potter Manor to tell all I know. The Potters will get the warning to my father. I'll get that jar of memories to Dumbledore, get any new orders from him, and perhaps spend a bit of time with my friends, if they're not busy with their own missions." He paused. "I shouldn't get my hopes up about that. No doubt they'll be busy. Sirius and James will be, at least. I hope Lily is taking time off, given her condition." He paused again. "So Lily might be alone in Potter Manor. It would be just the two of us. No, that wouldn't work. I'll need to apparate somewhere else."
"Wait, what? Why would it be a problem to be alone with Lily?" Sarah found her intimidating, but wasn't Lily Remus's friend?
"Well. It would be disrespectful to James for me to call on Mrs. Potter without a chaperone. James is from an old pureblood family. They have these traditional customs."
"James didn't seem that stuffy. I'm sure he wouldn't mind," said Sarah, confused.
"I know, I'll call Dumbledore to join us immediately, so there will be three of us in the room. That solves that."
"You have so many lies to keep track of, it doesn't seem fair for you to have to worry about archaic etiquette rules as well."
Remus shrugged, drank the last of the juice from the pineapple and reached for the half-finished tin of beans. "Want any more of these?" When Sarah shook her head, he waved his wand at the tin, said "Thermos," and ate them.
After Remus left to do his evening exercise, Sarah tried to imagine James being a stickler for such a Victorian-sounding etiquette rule. She didn't really know him that well, of course. Maybe he was. Then she imagined Lily's reaction to being guarded like a delicate treasure, and laughed. Sarah was tempted to tell her just to see her fury, but then her sense of self-preservation kicked in. She wouldn't want to be in the room with an angry Lily.
In the morning, as she sipped tea, Remus asked Sarah's opinion on which outfit made him look most like a civilized muggle. Once he'd taken her advice and donned a button-down shirt and his least-faded pair of jeans, he spoiled the effect by topping the outfit with a long, faded brown cloak. "I'll have to blend in with both wizards and muggles today," he explained. "I'll hide the cloak in my suitcase for the muggle portion of the outing. I don't know when I'll be back. Don't wait up for me for dinner."
"Good luck."
"Thanks."
From outside, they heard Whitefang's harsh voice. "Lupin? Got a human for you."
Remus looked horrified for an instant, then settled his face into an expression of calmness. Sitting at the table drinking tea wasn't a convincing prisoner pose, so Sarah dived for Remus's nest on the floor and tried to look oppressed before Remus opened the door. "Ah, good morning, Whitefang, Black," said Remus. "Do come in."
"I'm just here to let you through the wards," said Whitefang. "I'll wait outside until you're ready." The glare he gave to the two humans was disturbing.
I don't work at the Institute, thought Sarah. And Black helped rescue you, for goodness sake!
"Thank you," said Remus. "I'm almost ready to go. Care to wait inside, Black?"
"Thank you," said Black, stepping in and closing the door behind him.
"I thought we were meeting at the Ministry," said Remus.
"The Dark Lord sent me to meet with Greyback first to coordinate our plans. I hope I didn't annoy him by arriving so early. He was still eating breakfast."
"If Lord Greyback were annoyed, you'd know."
"He was eating…" Black looked green.
"Leftovers from dinner, probably," said Remus. "What, having second thoughts about signing up to work for the Dark Lord? You get to work with such interesting people."
"No, no, of course not. My loyalty to the Dark Lord is absolute. He's our only hope to restore the wizarding world to its former glory."
"Of course," said Remus. "Excuse me a moment, I just need to wash up from breakfast. We had porridge, by the way. No need to worry that I'll be picking bits of anyone you know out from between my teeth." Cleaning up the breakfast dishes took a mere moment with a wand. "I'm ready to go."
Black looked at Remus in disbelief. "Is that what you're wearing to the Ministry?"
"I have muggle errands to run afterwards. And it doesn't really matter what sort of impression I make, since you're respectable enough for the two of us."
Black certainly made an impression. His long black robes, which had a much more graceful, silky sweep than Remus's faded brown wool, opened at the throat to reveal an artfully-tied white cravat and a waistcoat of ornate brocade. "I'm only as respectable as the company I keep."
"It's too late to worry about that, isn't it?" said Remus. "Let's go."
"Oh!" exclaimed Sarah just before Remus opened the door. "I forgot to write them on the list, but please also get hair elastics. And some pretty barrettes and headbands."
Black stared at her as if he hadn't known she could talk. "Did your master give you leave to speak?" he asked.
"Did I give you leave to address my property?" Remus asked Black.
Black looked abashed. "I apologize."
"Hair elastics, barrettes, and headbands, right," said Remus, jotting down the additions on the shopping list, "Oh, the thrilling life of a werewolf!" he said with a smile. Then he picked up his magical suitcase and the two wizards left.
After Sarah spent a day reading in the tent, Remus returned in the evening.
"Welcome back," said Sarah.
He set his suitcase down with a sigh as if it were heavy. "You must be hungry. I got you some food." He started unpacking.
"Thanks. So how is everyone? Lily and—"
"I wouldn't know." He took the repurposed Marmite jar out of a pocket of his cloak and set it on the table with a resigned slump to his shoulders. "Black tagged along for the whole outing. Even the shopping. Even the muggle shopping! I had no chance to apparate away. We came back to the camp together. He's meeting with Lord Greyback now. It was actually sort of helpful to have him there to consult about hair care products. By combining our memories, we could patch together a recollection of Sirius's various beauty regimens. That sexy bad boy look doesn't just happen by itself."
Sarah laughed. "I'm sorry, I mean, that's terrible."
"Lord Greyback must have asked Black to test my loyalty. Black asked me if I found it difficult to contemplate killing my own father. Didn't I have any loyalty to the head of my family, my own blood, all that crap."
"Well, he has been ordered to kill his own brother, so—"
"I didn't fall for it. I said that just as I am dead to my father, my father is already dead to me. That's a matter of public record. My father's will leaves all his property to the Werewolf Research Institute, as he has no heirs. He doesn't have much, but what he has will be spent on research to eradicate the scourge of lycanthropy from the world."
Sarah gulped. "But, surely, he could leave you at least—"
"It's a moot point, as I'll die before him. I haven't filed a copy of my own will with the Inheritance office, but I've left copies with my friends, so whatever worldly possessions I might leave behind will go to my father. That won't nearly make up for all the trouble I've caused him, but I do what I can." Then Remus, shockingly, laughed.
"At least you don't seem to be letting it get you down."
"It doesn't make up for anything of course, but I did enjoy playing a prank on Black today. It was just like old times at school. On the muggle portion of our shopping jaunt, I told him muggles wear makeup for special occasions, but didn't specify female muggles."
Sarah gasped. "You didn't!"
"I did. A muggle makeup and hair accessory shop was doing makeovers for customers who bought stuff there, so…" Remus proudly pulled a small brochure out of his pocket, and opened it to reveal a Polaroid photo of a remarkably beautiful and dramatic man.
Sarah squealed. "That's a great look for him!"
"I told the makeup artist he was going for a look to go with his glam rock stagewear, that's why he wore it today. She did a great job." He carefully put the photo away. "Then I took him out for döner kebab. He hadn't had it before. Seemed to like it. I got some more as takeaway, ostensibly for me to eat later. I hope you like it." He pulled a takeaway bag out of his suitcase and cast "Finite incantatem" on it. A delicious smell started to rise from it.
"Thanks," said Sarah, but she was laughing too hard to eat. Once she'd stopped laughing, she reached for the food, which was still hot, but didn't eat yet. "So your father hasn't been warned."
"A later warning will have to do. Same plan as last time. Before the full moon, I'll seem to stash you in the cave, but actually apparate you to Potter Manor. I'll let the Potters and Sirius handle the warnings. Picking you up from the cave afterwards will necessitate a brief detour to Potter Manor."
"I know the routine. Same old same old. No suicide pill this time, though."
"No, I'll keep that. Didn't manage to get a spare yet. I'm sorry, is something wrong? Do you not like your kebab? You don't have to eat it if you don't like it. I could make something else."
"No, this is great, thanks." It was her own fault for mentioning it. She took a bite of the kebab. It was delicious.
Remus pulled more things from his suitcase. "Hair accessories in every color and style," he said with a theatrical flourish of his scarred hands, before dropping them back in. "I'll just leave all this stuff in here to take to class, for you to distribute to the students, with instructions. And I got the magazines you asked for." He set several on the table in front of her, including a glossy magazine titled Witch Weekly. "I bow to your expertise in muggle fashion of course, but witch fashion is quite different. I'm ignorant of both."
Sarah reached for the strange magazine.
Remus kept puttering, putting away groceries. "I got better food than before. Sorry, when I thought I'd be alone here I didn't bother with anything fancier than the bare minimum nutrition to keep me alive, but of course a human shouldn't have to live like that. I'll try to serve you better in the future. My cooking is nothing compared to what you had at Potter Manor of course." He magically washed some cherries and set them in a bowl on the table. "Cherries for dessert."
"Those look great." Sarah decided not to mention how many of her meals had been eaten out of dumpsters before she was captured. "The food's here's all been fine, really, but thanks." She flipped through the magazine. The pictures moved like the illustrations in some of Remus's books. Models and, Sarah presumed, celebrities, in flashy, archaic dress, twirled, flounced, and generally mugged for the camera. Headlines advertised foolproof ways to remove unsightly wrinkles, spots, boils, scales, feathers, and antennae. A beautifully-illustrated recipe promised a cake so light, care had to be taken to tether it to the table, and the table to the floor. Sure to impress guests! Sarah was entranced. "Look at this!" she exclaimed.
"Must I?" asked Remus, still putting away groceries. "I'd rather delegate girl stuff to you."
"No, listen." She read: "Sybill Trelawney, the talented seer who predicted the Hogsmeade werewolf infestation, has more predictions for our readers. Quoth the seer, 'The fashionable colors this season will be sage, tawny, and dusty apricot.'"
Remus laughed. "That's what's known as a self-fulfilling prophecy."
"There's more." Sarah continued, "What does the future hold in store for Britain's most famous seer? 'I'm going on holiday at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. After all this hard work prophesying, I need to recharge my magical energies, and the arts are wonderful for sharpening the inner eye. I'll be in peak form when I start my new job teaching Divination at Hogwarts this September.'"
Remus stopped putting away groceries and stared at the magazine, dumbfounded. "Brave of her to volunteer to be a decoy like this," he remarked. "I don't even know her, yet she's taking the blame for my work." He thought. "That is, assuming she did volunteer. Unless Dumbledore just… Well anyway, it should be obvious where we're attacking next. The Order must be preparing already, setting up some sort of ambush at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. But that's a muggle festival. Do they really want to endanger… Not that I'm doubting Dumbledore's judgement of course, but…" He shook his head like a dog shaking off water. "My instructions are coded, but clear. Dumbledore must want the pack to target the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, presumably because he has some brilliant plan for defeating us there. I'll go convince Lord Greyback to lead the pack into this trap. Lord Greyback wants to kill her, and this is his last chance before she starts her job at Hogwarts. That's the safest place in Britain." He put the last of the food away, took the magazine, and headed for the door.
"Wait!" called Sarah.
He did, looking at her expectantly.
"What if this isn't Dumbledore's clever plan? What if this is just Trelawney being stupid?"
Remus blinked at her for a while. "But… Trelawney works for Dumbledore now," he said eventually.
"Well, she says she starts her new job in September, and this is only July," said Sarah.
"She's Dumbledore's now," said Remus. "He doesn't leave anything to chance. This must be his plan."
"You just said that you didn't know if Trelawney knew that Dumbledore is using her as a decoy or not," said Sarah.
"Well, of course I don't know how much Trelawney knows, that isn't important anyway. But Dumbledore must know all. He's the leader of the Light."
"Doesn't he ever make mistakes?" asked Sarah.
Remus didn't appear to hear her. "I'll go dangle this bait in front of Lord Greyback," he said, indicating the magazine. "Sorry to deprive you of your reading material. I'll return it later." He left.
The cherries were delicious.
Remus came back some time later.
"I saved you some cherries," said Sarah.
"You didn't have to do that. I got them for you."
"Why cherries?"
He shrugged. "They're in season, and looked good. Sorry I served you so many meals out of tins. I wanted to get you something nice. I didn't mean anything about the symbolism."
"Symbolism?" Sarah feigned ignorance. She was starting to take it as a personal challenge to get Remus to talk about anything other than war. She especially wanted to see if she could get him to blush again. He was cute when he blushed.
"Their season is so short, they represent the ephemerality of life," Remus said. "The blossoms in particular bloom and fall so quickly, Japanese kamikaze pilots painted them on their planes before their suicide missions, symbolizing that they would willingly fall as easily as cherry blossom petals for their emperor." When he saw her expression, he said "Sorry. Anyway, the real reason I got them is that they're tasty, and their season is short, so there's no way to tell if this will be our last opportunity to enjoy them. Would you like some more?"
"No thanks. You finish them."
"You're sure?"
"I've had enough."
He finally ate them.
"How did Greyback take the news?" Sarah asked.
"He bought it," said Remus, grinning. "He's ecstatic that I found an opportunity to kill Trelawney. He was very apologetic, but said it would be best to postpone killing my father for another month. So, for this full moon, I'll help side-along apparate all the fighters to the festival, then I'll return to the camp to spend the full moon with the pups and invalids. Now that Lord Greyback knows how determined Dumbledore is to get his pet werewolf back, he's not going to risk losing me, one of the most valuable members of the pack."
"That's wonderful!" said Sarah. "You don't have to risk your life!"
"Or more importantly, risk biting any humans when I'm not in my right mind. I had to act disappointed of course. Lord Greyback was very apologetic about it. He promised me that I'll be able to run free again next month, to kill my father, since he's not so cruel as to deny me that opportunity. I told him I'll be patient."
—-
Time passed. Sarah helped the kids perfect their human disguises, chatted about books on library day, hugged the kids who seemed like they needed hugs. Even the new kids were getting used to her, although their eyes often blazed gold, and their teeth were still fangs.
Whenever a pup growled at her, she found that she could take a deep breath, remind herself that every pup here had the potential to be as human as Remus, and feel her fear settle. More often than not, this reminded the pup to take a deep breath as well and settle into human form. Human guise, Remus called it, as if it were a mask they wore.
The full moon approached. At lunch one day, Remus set a pen and paper in front of Sarah. "I'll head out to do some shopping tomorrow, party supplies for the children, healing potions for recovery after the full moon, and general supplies for the pack. Please write up a shopping list of anything you'd like in particular."
"Are you taking a kid with you?"
Remus nodded. "Lord Greyback insists I bring someone with me for two reasons: to train an apprentice, and as a witness to spy on me."
"He still doesn't completely trust you?"
"He doesn't completely trust anyone. A werewolf pack leader has his position only until he's deposed, often by one of his underlings. A good thing, too. Infighting probably does more to keep the werewolf population in check than the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures ever has. Ambitious werewolves have been known to use human werewolf hunters to help remove their own pack leaders."
"But isn't loyalty such a big thing here? I mean, you taught that this is a dictatorship."
"Werewolves are instinctively absolutely loyal to their leader, until they feel that leader needs replacing by someone stronger. Then there's a coup. Lord Greyback is still in his prime, so he doesn't really need to worry. He's a perfectly good strong leader by werewolf standards,so there's no good reason for anyone in the pack to depose him. He's just being paranoid. Such paranoia has served him well."
"But, if werewolves instinctively obey a strong leader, how can you..."
"Betray Lord Greyback, a perfectly good werewolf leader?" Remus shrugged. "Instincts can be overridden, with enough training. I've had plenty of practice stifling my instincts."
"So he's using a kid to spy on you. Isn't there a way to magically erase memories? How does Greyback know you won't just obliviate the kid to hide some coup conspiracy?"
Remus shook his head. "Werewolves are hard to obliviate, some of us, anyway. Any werewolf who's good at hiding the wolf, at pretending to be human, has to be good at compartmentalizing the mind, hiding one thought from another, believing contradictory ideas simultaneously. A werewolf's mind can be an impenetrable maze for someone trying to oblivate a particular memory. It's similar to occlumency, really, the art of protecting one's mind from legilimency, mind-reading. I'm very grateful that Dumbledore trusts me despite his inability to confirm my loyalty by reading my mind, as he confirms the loyalty of others. His trust of me is based more on faith than evidence."
Sarah didn't want to get into a discussion of Dumbledore and Remus's loyalty to him right now. "Have you decided which kid you'll bring? Katherine would love—"
"No. Well, she would, obviously, and she can pass perfectly well, but she'd try to escape. Lord Greyback would veto that, and even me choosing her would arouse suspicion of me. I'll bring Angelique instead."
"Are you sure Katherine would try to escape? I mean, she knows her parents wouldn't take her back, and her sister's at Hogwarts, so she has nowhere to go, really."
"She might try to make it on her own."
Sarah considered that. That's what she'd done, of course, but she'd been sixteen, not ten. "I'm worried about her. She's really not happy here."
"That makes three of us."
"What if you convinced her to fake loyalty to Greyback, so he'd approve of you choosing her? Then you could take her along with you for the errands, and also to Potter Manor. I bet she'd approve of you betraying the pack."
"I couldn't ask a child to support the weight of such a deception. That would be cruel. I mean. I couldn't trust a werewolf to keep such an important secret. She'll become loyal to the pack eventually. They all do. Then my secret's out."
"Could you at least get a message to Katherine's sister Margaret somehow? Drop off a letter? She must be so worried, from everything Katherine's told me."
"It's best that she just accept that her human sister is dead."
"What? Margaret, I mean, I don't even know her, but Katherine didn't say anything about her being—"
"What? I'm sorry, there's a misunderstanding. Margaret's human sister, Katherine, is dead. There's a werewolf in her place now." He tapped the blank paper. "Please write up a shopping list, whatever you need for the children and yourself. Pups, I should call them, to be technically correct, but I'm teaching them to lie, so I've got into the habit of referring to them as children, so they will think of themselves as such. Sorry, the fault for the misunderstanding is completely mine."
"None of this is your fault," said Sarah.
"Right," she thought he said, but he indicated the paper as he said it, and he hadn't sounded sarcastic, so he must have meant "Write" instead. "Please," he added, confirming that her second interpretation had been the correct one.
As Sarah picked up the transfigured pen, and wrote her necessary monthly supplies in uneven brown ink on coarse off-white paper, she decided that she would never complain about the inconvenience and discomfort of periods again.
—-
Remus addressed the class. "I have two announcements to make before the party. First, the plan for tonight's full moon will be slightly different than usual. Considering how determined Dumbledore seems to be to recapture me, I will not join the warriors of the pack on their usual attack. Instead I will stay safely with you, here in the camp."
Some younger kids cheered and were shushed by the older ones, who apparently felt that such joy was inappropriate.
Remus continued. "While I am, of course, disappointed that I am denied the opportunity to hunt as an adult wolf should, at the same time, I'm sure I'll enjoy spending time with you in our true forms. I never had a chance to play with other pups in my own puphood, so this will be a new experience for me. Please consider yourselves the teachers and me the student."
This announcement elicited much murmuring among the students.
"Secondly, I must say I'm very proud of each and every one of you," said Remus to his beaming students. "I've seen enormous improvements in the human disguises of the newcomers. I'm sure this is mostly thanks to the help of the more experienced students, and the hard work of everyone. I believe we've all earned this party, to celebrate our success."
The kids cheered. Sarah turned on the music at Remus's nod. The kids sprang into action, chasing the iridescent bubbles Remus had conjured, grabbing treats off the snack table, and playing a game that involved lots of running around and shrieking.
Sarah and Remus mingled, chatting here, praising an excellent human disguise there, mediating disagreements as necessary.
"Lord Greyback's coming!" squealed Jason, and everyone hurried to submit to the leader, throwing themselves to the ground. Angelique tugged at Katherine until she grudgingly dropped as well. Sarah needed no reminder.
Greyback, with his fanged grin, strutted into the clearing. "You may rise," he said magnanimously. "Not you, human," he added.
Sarah lay on the ground, shaking. The kids got up. Some resumed their play, some eavesdropped.
Greyback sniffed her. "Your bitch smells like blood again," he said to Remus, who had hurried to them.
"Yes my lord."
"Why isn't she pregnant yet?"
"I'm sure it's just a matter of time, my lord."
"If this one's barren, we could just use her for meat and get you a different one."
"I'm sure that won't be necessary. She's also been very helpful teaching the pups to pass as humans."
"I could bite her tonight, get another werewolf in the pack if she survives the bite."
"It's actually been very educational having a human to use as an example in class."
"I'll give her one more month. If she's not pregnant after that, we'll know she's barren, and find some other use for her. Don't worry, I'll catch another human for you to replace her with."
"Your generosity knows no bounds," said Remus, smiling. "Thank you my lord."
Greyback looked up at the sky. "Looks like it'll rain soon. Hope it's over by moonrise."
"We can hope, my lord."
Greyback ran his claws contemplatively over Sarah's throat. "So I guess this afternoon you'll stash your human in the cave like last time," he said somewhat grudgingly. He abruptly removed his claws from Sarah's throat and stood. "Party's over, pups," he announced. "Your teacher needs to attend to his other duties."
The kids didn't complain at all, just grabbed the remaining snacks and dispersed as ordered.
"Go pack up supplies for your human," said Greyback. "I'll send Whitefang to your tent to take you through the wards soon. Then report to me to apparate the fighters."
"Yes my lord. I'll be quick."
Greyback left, and Remus hurried to clean up the last of the snacks and drinks. Sarah got up and packed the tape player and tapes, although her hands were shaking enough to make it difficult. She had one more month.
Remus looked up at the darkening sky, grey filtered through green leaves. Then he turned to Sarah. "We'll have to run for it."
Sarah stared at him.
"Run back to the tent. It's going to rain soon. No need to get caught in the rain if we hurry."
"Oh. Right."
They ran. The first few drops of rain fell just before they got to the tent, but they escaped the worst of it. Once they'd closed the door behind them, Remus shook like a dog. "Oh. Sorry. Hope I didn't splash you. Instinct."
"It's fine."
"Nothing's fine. We've got a countdown to doomsday, Sarah. We need a new plan. Well, our immediate plan is as before." He stuffed the repurposed Marmite jar, Witch Weekly, and the brochure from the makeover place into his pockets, which looked too small to contain them. "We'll get this information to Dumbledore. But after that, if I'm going to bring you back here…"
Sarah had a plan. "You could actually try to get me pregnant."
He stared at her. "I beg your pardon. I told you I'm not a rapist."
"It's not rape if I'm asking you."
"It's still rape. Choosing sex with me over being eaten by werewolves isn't really a choice. Consent is impossible in this situation."
"Remus, I'd choose you even if the other option weren't death. I, I like you, Remus. I do."
"That's Stockholm syndrome."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is. You're in no position to say it isn't. I'm sorry. I've got to get you out of here. The stress is getting to you. I chose this role, but you didn't."
"I don't think you really chose this either."
"Dumbledore asked me to do this, and I said yes. I didn't have to."
"What would he have done if you'd said no?"
"Well. We needed someone to spy here. It's essential for the war. I'm the only one who can do it. I'm the only werewolf in the Order."
"So you couldn't actually say no. You're a werewolf."
"Damn, how did you figure it out? I thought I'd been so discreet."
"I mean you're still controlled by your werewolf instincts, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just part of who you are. You'll do anything to protect your pack. You'll do anything your pack leader asks. It's just that your pack is the Order, and your pack leader isn't Greyback, it's Dumbledore. You're as much a prisoner of this situation as I am. There's no power imbalance here, since we're both powerless. We might as well take what comfort we can while we're here." She stepped closer to him. "I don't mean now," she said. "I'm obviously not going to get pregnant today. But we could do other things. We could kiss." She looked up at him. He'd have to lean down for their lips to meet, but he seemed frozen. Pulling over a chair to stand on wouldn't be very romantic. "Lily gave James a good luck kiss before he went off to battle. They're such a sweet couple. We could be like that. Let me kiss you, Remus. Please."
His breathing was pointedly slow and steady. His gaze was fixed on the tent wall behind her. He was not exactly returning her affections, but neither was he saying no, so she soldiered on. "I guess I'm throwing myself at you, saying 'I want to have your baby.' That is rather tacky, isn't it? But, well, you did say you wanted me to play along with this for the sake of fooling Greyback, so this would be perfect, right? And this is what I want. You'll be such a great dad. You're wonderful with kids. I mean, we'll have to make up a good story to explain how we met, once all this is over, but you're creative. I'm sure we'll come up with something convincing. I'm glad all this happened, since this is how I met you. Meeting under different circumstances would have been better of course."
His breath was mostly steady. Maybe it shook slightly. Sarah's certainly did.
"Oh god, I'm making a fool of myself," she said. "I'm sorry. Of course you don't want a muggle. You don't want your kids to be muggles. Magic is hereditary, right?"
He could hold his breath steady no longer. "Damn it, Sarah, there's no assurance that our hypothetical baby would even be human! I don't care if a baby's magical or not, but I would never risk bringing another werewolf into the world."
Oh. "I thought, doesn't it spread only through bites? Only on the full moon? That's what the book said. In your library. It didn't say it was hereditary."
"It hasn't really been studied," he said. "That's not the kind of research the Werewolf Research Institute conducts." He followed this with a bitter, slightly hysterical-sounding laugh.
"Remus, I… I don't care that you're not going to say it back. I love you."
"No. No. This isn't right. It isn't fair to you. Don't you see, Sarah? I'm incapable of loving you back. I'm a Dark creature. A monster. You deserve much better than me."
"There is no one better than you. I've met your friends, and I think they'd agree with me. We don't have to be alone, Remus. We could have what James and Lily have."
Remus let out a laugh that was probably not a sob. "James has Lily because he's human, Sarah. She deserves a man who can truly love her, and she got one. James would do anything for her. He'd sacrifice anything, his happiness, his life, all for her. I can't do that."
"You can't honestly tell me you're incapable of self-sacrifice, Remus. I mean, you're a good liar, but that one's totally unbelievable."
"I'm sorry. I've been terribly selfish."
"You?"
"I… Sarah, I've been taking advantage of you. I was so starved for human company when you arrived, I used you for that. It was just another form of rape, a mental, emotional form. That proves how evil I am. I should have found some way to help you escape instead. I'm sorry."
"But that would have looked awfully suspicious. They would have known it was you who let me escape. Your whole mission would have been ruined."
Whitefang's harsh voice could be heard even over the rain pounding the tent. "You ready, Lupin?"
Remus hoisted the empty suitcase and opened the door. "Yes, thank you. Er. One moment." He grabbed his cloak and seemed about to sweep it over Sarah's shoulders, but stopped himself, turning the movement into a flourish before putting it on himself. Then he grabbed a blanket off the floor, drew his wand to cast "Impervious" on it, and wrapped it around Sarah. "Stay dry, human." He turned to Whitefang. "Pathetic weaklings catch a chill so easily," he explained.
Whitefang grunted to acknowledge this truth.
The blanket was perfectly waterproof, although her feet got soaked immediately. It seemed to retain a memory of Remus's warmth, as if it preserved the feel of his hands wrapping her in it. She could still feel his touch, almost an embrace, in the rough wool. Sarah clutched the blanket around herself as she walked through the rain, feeling at once warm and chilled.