Once Sarah and Remus were alone in the cave, Remus, predictably, apologized. He set the empty suitcase down and paced as much as the cramped cave would allow. "I'm sorry."
"Maybe you could convince Greyback to let us try a few more months," said Sarah. "It's not unusual for it to take—"
"Not that. I mean, of course, yes, that's a huge problem, but there's also this other problem, you thinking that… Aargh! You need a mind healer, but I can't take you to one."
"A mind—"
"I'm so stupid. I should have anticipated this. Solitary confinement drives humans insane. I knew that. Not just humans, werewolves too, so it should have been at the front of my mind. That's one of the cruelest things they do at the Institute, depriving the werewolves of contact with each other, of touch. We need that. Humans too. I'm sorry you get so little contact with humans. You've got to make the most of this brief trip to Potter Manor. I'm sure Lily would give you a hug if you asked. Sirius too of course, but, well, at your own risk. Stock up on all the affection you can get while you're there, since you'll be alone again once we get back here."
"Wait, what? Won't you be here?"
"I don't count as company for a human."
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course you do."
"I can be a convincing impostor. But you know what I really am."
"So do the rest of your friends, and I'm sure they'd count you as good company too." She figured out what he'd meant. "I haven't been in solitary confinement here, don't be ridiculous. I've been with you."
Remus looked terribly sad. He reached a hand out to her. "Let's go. The sooner you're among humans, the better."
They gripped each other's arms, and after much uncomfortable whirling, the living room of Potter Manor materialized around them. Sarah leaned against Remus and willed herself not to throw up. She succeeded, and looked around as the room stopped spinning.
Like last time, James and Sirius were playing chess at a small table, and they jumped out of their seats when Sarah and Remus appeared. A quiet cry came from the baby James wore in a sling.
"Remus!" exclaimed James. He rushed over, and hugged him awkwardly around the baby. "It's wonderful to see you even though you woke the baby. It's all right, Harry, just a visit from our friendly neighborhood werewolf." The baby settled.
Remus was too overwhelmed to apologize. He stared at the baby in amazement, not even noticing when Sirius tackled him with a hug.
Sirius, realizing he didn't have Remus's attention, said, "That's my godson. Lily says he has my emotional maturity and obsession with boobs."
"Harry James Potter," said James. "Here's your uncle Moony. You want to hold him, Remus?"
"I couldn't," said Remus.
"Of course you could," said James. "Here, catch!" He didn't throw the baby of course, but Remus started anyway. "You've got to support his head, like this." James extracted the baby from the sling and handed him to Remus, who held him reverently.
"He's beautiful," said Remus. "He's perfect."
"What did you expect from Lily and me?" laughed James.
"His head's kind of pointy," said Sirius.
"How's Lily?" asked Remus.
"Resting," said James.
"Not with this racket," said Lily, entering the room. "Oh good. Sensible people have finally arrived. Hello Remus, Sarah."
"I can't stay," said Remus. "You know we're attacking the Edinburgh Fringe Festival tonight, right?"
"What?" said the three.
"Take Harry, please." Remus handed the baby back to James, then brandished Witch Weekly at them. "Like Trelawney said in her interview? Greyback is determined to kill her, so he was overjoyed to know of her location in advance. Her supposed involvement last month has been so highly publicized, I assumed Dumbledore had a plan to defend her."
Lily, James, and Sirius just stared at him.
Remus handed the magazine, Marmite jar, and brochure to Sarah. "You were right. See you later, I hope." He vanished with a crack.
"And this memory has important information about Death Eaters," said Sarah, handing the Marmite jar to Lily.
"Thank you. Well, let's get to work." Lily threw a pinch of powder into the fireplace, which blazed green. "Hogwarts Headmaster's office," she said, sticking her head into the flames. "Professor Dumbledore? I hate to bother you, but did you say you had a charm for colic?"
In a moment, she pulled her head out of the fire and stepped back, making way for Dumbledore to step out of the fireplace. His white beard was as magnificent as ever, and he wore robes of electric blue spangled with golden suns. "I'm always happy to teach an old family charm to the next generation," he said as the flames behind him turned from green to orange.
Lily handed him the Marmite jar. "Memories from Remus, about Death Eaters."
"Very interesting," said Dumbledore. "I wonder how he obtained these."
"He met with Black," said Sarah. She looked to Sirius. "Your brother. To coordinate with Death Eaters to raid the Werewolf Research Institute."
Sirius started. "Reg! Is he all right?"
"Um," said Sarah. "The Dark Lord is displeased that your brother didn't succeed in killing you. He assigned him that task specifically."
"Oh Reg," Sirius closed his eyes.
"Of course, that was nearly a month ago," said Sarah. "And then he and Remus went shopping for muggle hair care products together."
"I beg your pardon?" said Sirius.
"Anyway," continued Sarah, "the important thing now is that the pack is attacking the Edinburgh Fringe Festival tonight, because Trelawney said she'd be there in her Witch Weekly interview. We thought you had a plan! The pack would have attacked Remus's dad in Cardiff if we hadn't seen this." Sarah brandished the magazine at Dumbledore angrily. He wasn't worthy to lead a brilliant spy like Remus if this hadn't occurred to him.
Dumbledore accepted the magazine. "Thank you. This is valuable information, particularly the cover story on color-changing sequins."
"What?!" exclaimed Sarah.
Lily put her hand on Sarah's arm and gently shook her head.
Dumbledore's eyes were certainly twinkling, but was this really the time for jokes?
"I'll inform the Ministry of Trelawney's latest prophecy," said Dumbledore. "This justifies contacting the muggle Prime Minister. I'll contact her myself if Minchum refuses. You three call your fellow Order members to defend the muggles. Please be subtle about it. With the political situation as it is, you're as likely to go to Azkaban for using magic in front of muggles as to be rewarded for saving muggle lives. Good luck." Dumbledore threw a pinch of powder into the fireplace, said "Ministry of Magic," and vanished in a swirl of green flames.
Lily turned to the wizards. "It won't take that long to send patronuses to all the surviving Order members. Let's make sure we get the right message out. Tell everyone to wear muggle clothes and avoid flying unless disillusioned or similar."
"Ooh, may I bring my motorbike?" said Sirius, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "It'll blend right in!"
"I suppose," sighed Lily. "I could blend in better than you two..." She looked at the baby in James's sling.
"We discussed this," said James sternly. "You're on maternity leave. We're not both going to the same battle, anyway, and I call dibs on this one. No more war orphans."
Lily reluctantly nodded.
"And this'll be safer than last time," said Sarah. "You don't have to worry about saving Remus. He'll be back at camp. Greyback said he was too valuable a pack member to risk in a dangerous battle like this."
James whooped in joy. Lily suddenly hugged her. Not to be outdone, Sirius whooped even louder and picked Sarah up in a cologned hug, spun her around, set her down, and planted a kiss on her cheek. His face was prickly with stubble. Sarah did not feel that this experience was what had been missing from her life.
"Don't manhandle the girl," said James.
"Remus is safe!" Sirius yelled too close to Sarah's ear. "Well, for Remus. Tonight's going to be easy. We'll just kill every damn werewolf we see. Come on James, I can't wait."
"You have time before moonrise," said Lily. "Eat dinner first."
"And then wholesale werewolf slaughter for pudding," said Sirius, still bouncing like an overexcited puppy.
Lily called Miffy, who took the baby eagerly. Then Lily, James, and Sirius sent their glowing silver messengers in all directions, conveying Trelawney's latest prophecy.
Over dinner, Sarah filled Remus's friends in on the last month's news. Remus's prank on Sirius's brother was well-received. Sirius, looking at the Polaroid photo of his glammed-up brother, laughed until he cried.
"So Remus is in a great position to spy on Death Eaters too," said Sarah, glad that she could relate news of Remus's success. "Black definitely prefers working with Remus to Greyback. Remus seems so human compared to the other werewolves. The Death Eaters trusted him completely to plan that rescue mission to the Werewolf Research Institute."
This praise of Remus's accomplishments was met with silence, finally broken by James. "Remus planned that? He actually—"
"That was how he got all those Death Eater names from Black," Sarah explained. "He had to seem like he was completely on their side." Perhaps she shouldn't mention Black's offer of a job that would be even more valuable to the Order, and even more dangerous to Remus.
"But that attack was...," said James, shaking his head. "We didn't even get a warning."
"Greyback and Black were watching Remus the whole time," said Sarah, for it was close to true. "He had to act as they expected."
"He's got the worst job in this whole war," said Sirius.
"Anyway," Sarah continued, "Whitefang was so grateful to be rescued, he got down on the ground in front of Remus and said he owes him a life debt."
Her audience digested that. "That's human magic," said Sirius eventually. "Isn't it? I thought only humans could owe life debts."
"I'll research it," said Lily.
"You do that," said Sirius. "It will help you pass the time while you're puttering around the house, with your bare feet and your housedress."
Lily threw a bread roll at Sirius. "Get out of here. You have an arts festival to protect. You've got to change first. Half your clothes must be here anyway."
"They get washed here," Sirius explained. "I drop them on the floor like usual in my flat, but they don't get washed there for some reason."
After dinner, Miffy returned to hand the baby to Lily, and the men went off to change.
"Come back and give us a fashion show in the living room," Lily called after them as she fed the baby on the couch. "This'll be good," she said to Sarah. "Purebloods always look a bit off when they try to dress like muggles."
Soon enough, James and Sirius came back and strutted like fashion models on a runway. "How did we do?" asked James.
The jeans and t-shirts were fine, but, "We need the cloaks for all the pockets of course," said Sirius.
"Hm," said Lily.
"It's an arts festival," said Sarah. "They're close enough for that."
"I suppose," conceded Lily. "Now go defend some muggles. Good luck kiss first!" She kissed James. Sarah looked away.
"I'm guaranteed to come back after that," said James eventually, so Sarah knew it was safe to look. James next tenderly kissed Harry's forehead. "Take care of your mum," he said. "I'll be right back."
Sirius lifted one gracefully arched eyebrow at Sarah. "Don't I deserve any luck?" He turned his aristocratic profile to her and tapped his cheek expectantly.
"Mwa!" James had lunged between them and loudly smooched Sirius's cheek.
"Hey!" objected Sirius, pulling a monogrammed linen handkerchief from the pocket of his ripped jeans and wiping at his cheek. "You're a married man! Lily will kill me if she finds out about us!"
"I will if you don't bring James back alive," said Lily.
Sirius turned his puppy dog eyes to Sarah. "Doesn't that prove I need luck?"
"I don't want sloppy seconds," said Sarah.
"I've got enough cheek to go around," said Sirius. "Three more unkissed by James, today at least, so take your pick—" but James grabbed his arm and they both vanished with a crack.
Once they were gone, Lily's stern expression cracked into laughter. Sarah joined her.
"Those two…" Lily shook her head. "I wasn't sure about making Sirius Harry's godfather, but he and James have so much in common, it makes sense. If anything were to happen to James, at least Harry would have the same sort of role model in his life."
"It's awful to have to plan for that," said Sarah.
Lily set the baby in a magically-rocking cradle, then puttered with her collection of potions and bandages. When everything was arranged to her satisfaction, she sat on one of the couches. "You might as well go to bed," she said to Sarah. "Between the baby and the worry, I'll be up all night, but you don't have to be."
"I'll keep you company if you like," said Sarah.
Lily shrugged. "Suit yourself." She opened a book titled Life Debts: Unbreakable Bonds.
While Sarah didn't agree with Remus's diagnosis of mental illness brought on by solitary confinement, It probably wasn't healthy to have only one friend, a male, a werewolf at that. Sarah needed a fellow female human to talk with. She looked at Lily. She was intimidating, but she was here, and she was on the right side. "How did you know you were really in love?"
Lily closed her book and smirked at her. "Sirius made another conquest, did he? He tends to have that effect on girls. I've got to warn you—"
"Sirius? You're joking. No, not Sirius."
"Who else have you met? You've been trapped in a werewolf pack for six weeks. Except— I'll grant that Dumbledore is impressive, but he's flamingly gay."
"Dumbledore?!"
"You couldn't tell from those fabulous robes and high-heeled boots? He's not subtle about it."
"No! I mean I don't care that he's gay. Dumbledore is not the one I love. That hadn't even occurred to me. I mean really. How old is he?"
"I don't think he's even a hundred. There's a lot of life left in him yet. They say he's got quite the powerful wand. Anyway, you've gone from wondering if you're in love, to being in love with someone other than Sirius or Dumbledore. Well, that narrows it down. You must miss someone from home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You're incredibly strong to have withstood this experience. I don't know how much longer it will go on. Hopefully you'll be home soon. If Remus manages to get closer to the top of the pack order and break their security system, we should be able to attack them directly and rescue you. We'll obliviate this whole experience from your mind so you can resume your old life. Hopefully your sweetheart is home waiting for you. If he's worthwhile, he is. Or she, I don't judge."
"No, there's no one at home." She wished she hadn't started this conversation.
"Then who? James is mine, you know!"
"I know! You're being deliberately obtuse, aren't you?"
Lily laughed. "Brightest witch of my age, that's what they call me. It gets tiresome. Of course I'm messing with you. It doesn't take a particularly bright witch to realize that you and Remus will never work out."
"Why not?"
"He's a werewolf."
"I noticed. I don't care. He's got it under control."
"Remus Lupin's got all of his emotions perfectly under his fucking control. He's decided that since he's a werewolf, he has to live like some kind of monk. He's sacrificing his whole life to the greater good. Godric Gryffindor himself would tell him to lighten up on the heroism. You think I didn't try? For years, I tried, all while that arrogant toerag James kept harassing me. You can't even slip Remus a love potion, he sniffs them right out. I finally just gave up and settled for James. I figured at least someone's love should be requited."
Harry in his cradle made a cute little sound. Lily tried to smooth his wispy hair down, but it stayed obstinately upright. He settled back into sleep. "Give up now and save yourself some heartbreak. If I can't catch him, no one can."
Sarah stared at Lily.
"James and I are very happy together," said Lily. "That's what you need, a man who loves you. Finding the man you love just leads to trouble."
"You're messing with me again," said Sarah.
Lily smiled and didn't say anything.
"Well," said Sarah. "Goodnight."
"Pleasant dreams. Don't dream of Remus, though. He's mine."
Sarah went to her guest bedroom, changed into the offered black silk pajamas, and lay on the luxurious bed. Lily must have been joking. This whole group of friends were all pranksters. Sarah shouldn't take any of them seriously.
She woke to sunlight streaming through the window, and illuminating the view of the half-wild orchard. After a luxurious shower, she chose her clean, folded muggle clothes rather than the beautiful witch robes that had been offered. She didn't want to waste time changing back, for Remus would need to fetch her in a hurry, and she'd had the uncomfortable feeling last time that the others had taken the opportunity to talk about her behind her back.
She headed down to breakfast. Lily, James, and Sirius were seated and eating with enthusiasm, in apparent good health, although tired. Lily was eating one-handed, as she supported little Harry in her sling, where he was nursing.
"I hope you slept well," said James. "Have a seat, have some breakfast."
Sarah did. "Thank you. How did last night go?"
"The usual," said Sirius. "You know, death, destruction, daring rescues of helpless muggles. Poor damsel in distress beset by seven vicious werewolves—"
"I thought you said five, before," said James.
"About seven. Or maybe this was a different damsel, I forget. Anyway, this one had tried to escape by climbing a tree, but the wolves were all snarling and gnawing at the trunk, and it wasn't a very big tree, so it was shaking, and the trunk was starting to crack as the wolves kept pushing at it. Poor girl was a goner, so then I fly by on my motorbike, vroom vroom! One of my trademark blasting spells, and there was nothing left of those wolves but some bloody tufts of fur and bone. I grab the damsel as she's about to fall from the disintegrating tree, put her behind me on my motorbike, tell her to hold on, and vroom! We're off to the the Order safehouse. Drop her off there, accept her sincere gratitude, and I'm off to rescue another. Poor thing won't remember the greatest thrill of her life after they obliviate her, but at least she got to experience the moment. A ride on my motorbike is always exciting."
"More interestingly," said James, "I hear Sarah's got the hots for Remus."
Sarah felt her face get hot.
"Oh!" Sirius, tales of his own adventures forgotten, raised his elegant eyebrows. "Join the end of the queue, sugar. Of course you do. He's always been yummy, even before he acquired his current superhero physique, and now he's scrumdiddlyumptious. Half the girls in school must have been after him, and I don't mean just the Gryffindors. Of course every witch worthy of the red and gold was impressed by his bravery, but he turned heads in the other houses too. Smart enough for Ravenclaw, loyal enough for Hufflepuff. Probably at least as good a liar as any Slytherin, but they mostly knew better than to even try for a Gryffindor. I'd console all the ones he turned down. Those were the days," he sighed.
"You're perfectly capable of charming your way into witches' robes on your own merits, you dog," said James. "You don't need any help."
Sirius looked at Sarah hopefully. "So once Remus turns you down via some noble, self-sacrificing speech about how he's not worthy of you, which is complete bullshit, and you're feeling unattractive and in need of some male attention to boost your self-esteem—"
"Don't be so discouraging," said James.
"I'm just planning ahead, being realistic, you know, like you say I don't do enough. There's no pleasing you." He eyed Sarah with an expression that reminded her of Greyback. "Muggle girls are so passionate and exotic."
Sarah laughed. "I feel so silly. I've somehow been thinking that Sirius is a man who sometimes pretends to be a dog, but now I realize he's actually a dog who sometimes pretends to be a man."
Lily laughed too. "I thought that was obvious. James, I told you this cur would be nothing but trouble if we took him in. These high-maintenance purebreds are completely impractical."
"Come on Lily, he's been a Potter family pet for years, ever since his old family dumped him. He has nowhere else to go."
"Yes he does. Sirius, why are you always here? Don't you have your own flat?"
"Well, I do, but…" his voice faltered. "I don't like being there since Remus left."
"It seems lonely without him?" sympathized James.
"No, it's just really messy now that he's not cleaning it."
Lily turned to her husband. "Anyway James, it's bad enough you allow your pet indoors. I won't let him eat at the table. We ought to put his dish on the floor."
"Good view from down here," Sirius said cheerfully from the floor under the table, where he'd taken his plate. "If you're a leg man. Muggle clothes show everything. Look at a witch in robes, you can't even tell if she's got legs or tentacles or what. Muggles flaunt their bipedal locomotion. That's so hot. What? Don't laugh. It's true. I can't help that I'm into bipeds. Here I thought you'd be accepting of my weird fetish for two-legged beings, but now I see that you're prudes."
"I'll have to cancel that blind date I set up between you and Auror Moody," said Lily as she one-handedly hauled Sirius up and shoved him back into his chair.
Both men winced as they laughed. "Too soon," said Sirius. "Is he even out of hospital yet?"
"They must have kicked him out by now," said James.
"No way could they tolerate him for that long," agreed Sirius.
"Or he escaped, whether the healers were done with him or no," said James. "He couldn't lie around on a hospital bed while the Death Eaters who cursed his leg off are still on the loose."
"Lily, look what you've done," complained Sirius. "We went from a perfectly pleasant discussion of Remus's chances of getting laid and how to distribute his rejects, to Moody's missing body parts and personal appeal. Was one tasteless joke really worth it?"
"Good dog," said James, patting him on the head. "Way to call this meeting back to order. Ew, don't lick me, I know where your tongue has been. Hear me out. I was thinking, the girls Remus turned down, what did they all have in common?"
"They all slept with me afterwards," said Sirius. "The pretty ones, anyway."
"Besides that. They were all witches! They all learned how to identify and kill werewolves in Defense class. He couldn't very well tell them he was a werewolf, could he? But Sarah here's a muggle, so she was never taught anti-werewolf prejudice like we were, and she already knows about his furry little problem, so he doesn't have to have that awkward conversation. Two biggest obstacles, down." James showed his perfect teeth in the confident grin of a man who knew he'd presented an unassailable argument. Sarah wondered if he and Sirius has gone to the same orthodontist.
"You're saying Remus maybe has a thing for muggles?" asked Sirius skeptically.
"Maybe, said James. "His mum was a muggle, after all."
"Now you're getting gross," said Sirius. "And it can't work like that, or I'd have a fetish for evil, sadistic—"
"Nah," said Lily, sounding bored. "You're just afraid of women. And with a mother like that, who wouldn't be?
"I beg your pardon," objected Sirius. "I've had oodles of women. I'm not afraid of them."
"And you dump them all when they try to get too close," continued Lily. "You can't deal with women being kind to you, so you're awful to them when they try. You kept pranking Professor McGonagall just so she'd punish you. Even I have to maintain a base level of hostility towards you or you start freaking out. You're trying to fill the emptiness in your heart from your childhood, but you never will, always running away from women who love you. You'll never fill that hole." Lily still sounded bored.
"What are you talking about, witch?" objected Sirius. "I've filled plenty of holes."
"We are gossiping about Remus's possible romance with Sarah here!" insisted James. "About his chance at happiness. Remus is a good man. Er. A good werewolf. He deserves the happiness that Lily and I have. And Sarah seems extraordinarily brave and loyal, which of course anyone dating Remus would have to be. I think they'd be great together. We are not having yet another discussion of Sirius's sex life and psychological problems."
"At least my sex life and psychological problems exist, unlike Remus's chance of happiness," grumbled Sirius. "And I enjoy them. I think I got off pretty easily, considering the madness that runs in my family. I'll take fear of commitment over homicidal mania any day."
James soldiered on. "I just meant muggles are familiar to Remus. He's not prejudiced against them like most wizards are."
"You thought I was weird for liking bipeds," complained Sirius, "but you're so accepting of Remus's putative muggle fetish. It's not fair."
"I'm just saying I bet that Sarah can catch him," concluded James.
"You bet? What are you willing to wager?" asked Lily, green eyes twinkling.
James seemed about to speak, but then looked at Sirius and Sarah and stopped. He instead whispered very quietly in Lily's ear.
"Really?" She raised her eyebrows, then considered it for a moment. "You're on. Don't take it personally that I'm betting against you, Sarah, but this is Remus we're talking about. I can't lose."
"And I'll always bet that true love will somehow find a way," said James. "It did for us, right Lily-flower?"
"I volunteer to watch the bet being paid," said Sirius. "Just to make sure everything's above-board."
"In case you're still confused about species, Sarah," said Lily, "Sirius Orion Black is a real son of a bitch, but sleeping with him wouldn't technically be beastiality, if that's a concern of yours. As embarrassing as it is to admit this, he's as human as you and me. If you're looking for a project that's challenging but still possible, I recommend trying to fix Sirius rather than Remus. Sirius's neuroses, extensive as they are, are nothing compared to Remus's."
"I refuse to dine with a witch who's insulting me. My neuroses are the biggest and best," said Sirius, who turned into a dog, then tried to contort himself on his chair to lick himself, which was difficult, since he was such a huge dog.
"Get off the furniture, Padfoot," said Lily. He got off the chair and resumed his activity on the floor.
"I can't believe he's still single," said Sarah.
A crack was heard from the living room. Everyone rushed there. Remus looked exhausted, but uninjured. He reached a hand out to Sarah. "Can't stay to chat. We have to get back to the cave. Whitefang's waiting."
Sarah reached for him. The sunny living room of Potter Manor disappeared, replaced with clammy darkness.
"Lumos." The tip of Remus's wand glowed.
Sarah waited for the cave to stop spinning, then let go of Remus, warm though he was, and picked up his empty suitcase. "I'll sure be glad to finally get out of this dark cave I've spent the whole night in," she said.
Remus laughed, and in that moment, Sarah realized why she loved him. Sirius may have praised his bravery, his intelligence, his loyalty, but Sarah loved him for his laughter. Despite everything, he was still able to laugh. He fixed his smiling brown eyes on her. "I know you're a better liar than that."