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Chapter 8

She had feverish dreams. Cersei tried to make sense of the images but it was hard. She was thirsty and hot. She trashed and woke up to darkness. The girl saw her dead mother but could not get near her, a wall of dragons stopped her. She then ran through a dark hallway. She yelled for her brothers, mother and even father on occasion but no one answered.

Later, Tyrion would tell her that she was in bed with a fever for two days. Cersei was in and out of the fever. Tyrion by her side, while maesters came and went.

She woke up late at night. Cersei was thirsty and had a headache. She moaned and opened her eyes. Tyrion smiled and hugged her. He was different, no more traces of baby in him.

Cersei smiled, "I am happy to see you too." She croaked.

"Jaime wake up." Tyrion said and her brother startled.

"Oh Cerse, you scared us." He said and smiled. "See I told you, she is fine. I have to call father. He will want to know that you are finally awake."

Cersei was looked after and had a bath. Tyrion and Jaime were forced to leave the room and she stayed with her handmaidens who cleaned and combed her hair.

She did not cry anymore. She was out of tears it seemed. Cersei waited for Tyrion and Jaime to come back to her but it was not them who came through her door. It was her lord father.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her while seating near her bed.

"Better, it must have been something I picked up from the road." She said and smoothed the linen sheets.

"Yes, your brothers were quiet worried." Her father said carefully. "You must rest. Good night." He stood up and did something he rarely did. He kissed her forehead. "Sleep well."

Cersei decided to try her luck, "could Tyrion come and stay here tonight?"

Her father nodded, "only for tonight. Things cannot be like they were before. I will not let you baby him anymore."

Cersei did not pay much attention, all she heard was that Tyrion could be near her. She knew that father would not allow Jaime but Tyrion could get away with it because he was still a baby.

Tyrion came in a couple of minutes later and grinned. "Father said you needed me." He laid down by her.

"I missed you very much Cersei. I cried myself to sleep the first month." He said honestly and kissed her cheek.

Cersei kissed his forehead, "I missed you two." Tyrion turned his back on her and Cersei caressed his hair and sang to him. She slept better that night than she had since father decided to make her stay in King's Landing. It was all wasted because now Rhaegar would marry Elia Martell in a fortnight.

She adjusted to life in Casterly rock little by little as father did. Uncle Kevan and his new wife were relegated. Cersei became lady of the rock once more and ran it. Father and Jaime saw to their lands. She had to be fair to father, Jaime was not really interested in being the future warden of the West. He went away for hours on end. Cersei thought he was in love with a girl and spied on him. Tyrion helped her as well. Jaime was not in love with a girl. He was in love with swords. He trained for hours. Cersei saw him and Tyrion confirmed that Jaime trained for hours every day. "He forgets most of everything that does not happen to be related to fighting and tales of knights and their heroic acts." Tyrion remarked when she met him for his studies. Her brother hated the maester and decided that he would be instructed independently. Father forbade it but relented after a nasty incident with fire.

Cersei sighed and went back to her needlepoint. Tyrion looked up from his book and said something in a foreign language. She asked him what was that. "Valyrian. I am learning it." He said proudly. "Do you want me to teach you?"

"No thank you." Valyrian reminded her of the prince and the fact that he must be in Dragonstone with his new bride.

Cersei continued to write her letters to Rhaegar, but this time they were filled with regret and pain. She knew that it was not his fault but she could not feel anything other than betrayal from him. How did he not see her? Why did he not seek her out?"

A year passed almost without any news but news always came. The prince had a daughter. They named her Rhaenys. There were feasts all over the land. Cersei could not cry but she dreamed of a little girl with her eyes and the pale blonde Targaryen hair. Father was away to the Riverlands for three weeks and came back with news for Jaime. He was to marry Lysa Arryn.

They were eating and Jaime stood up. "I will not." He said clearly.

Father frowned, "you will do as I say. Lysa will come and in a moon's turn."

Jaime shook his head. "I will escape and join the Golden Company."

Their father laughed, "and I suppose you will leave your brother and sister behind. You will leave your lands and claims as well."

Jaime looked at them regretfully but stood firm, "I will, I have no desire to be lord of Casterly Rock. Tyrion could do it."

Tyrion's eyes rounded and he then looked down to his plate. "Nonsense." Father said but there was no more talk of marrying Jaime. The Tullys were forgotten. Cersei was surprised that there was no talk of marriage for her. All of the girls her age were married, simple Jeyne even had a son already.

Cersei and Jaime turned eighteen without a fuss. Jaime received a beautiful armor and she had jewelry and a nice song made for her. Uncle Gerion came back and surprised them with news. He had a bastard daughter, Joy Hill. Her father was livid. Cersei grew bored with her duties and watched days turn into months.

Cersei had hoped that Elia Martell would die in childbirth but both mother and child were healthy. Father wisely sent three carriages filled with gold to the capital, rejoicing in the new princess' birth.

Princess Elia was pregnant once again after the year was out. The realm rejoiced once more for this time, it would be a son. It was, the Dornish princess was confined in bed for a month after giving birth to Aegon.

Her father made one last attempt to make her queen. It was a sunny afternoon and news of The princess' Elia's poor health reached Casterly Rock once more. "Cersei and I will travel to King's Landing in three days." He said over supper.

Cersei could not help but feel a little thrill. She would see Rhaegar once more. It was all that mattered.

"Jaime will come with me as well. It is high time that you married." Father continued.

"You will this time. There will be no more excuses. I have been too soft with you three." Her father said firmly.

Cersei did not think so but there was no fighting their father. Jaime tried the old, "I'll run away."

"Do so, run away. I will marry once more and have more children."

Cersei frowned, "the Rock would go to Tyrion. He's your second son."

Her father looked at Tyrion with contempt. "He will not. If your brother leaves, I will disinherit the three of you. Jaime will have to provide for you and Tyrion."

Jaime balled his fists, "you would never do that."

Their father drank from his goblet, "watch. I am lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West. These are my lands and you are my children. I have no use for disobedient sons."

Tyrion looked up defiantly and spoke just as clearly as their father, "you are lord of the Rock for now but one day you will die and nothing will stop Jaime from doing whatever he wants."

Their father was taken aback but recovered almost immediately, "our name will remain. I will not have you or your siblings besmirching it."

Cersei looked at Jaime and it was over. Her twin knew it as well. He would never abandon her or Tyrion.

He sat down and finished his meal quietly. Father smiled briefly but triumphantly. Jaime went away as soon as father left.

Tyrion was in sour mood, "I love Jaime." He said. Cersei checked on him before going to bed herself.

"I know you do." Cersei replied. She kissed his forehead and then went for the door. Father would banish her from the Rock if he knew.

Tyrion stayed quiet, "I would do a better job. I am smarter. I would be a better Warden."

Cersei came back to his bed, "all we have is each other Tyrion. It's just the three of us. We have to take care of each other."

Tyrion nodded and received another kiss from her.

Cersei went to look for Jaime in his rooms. He wasn't there so she made her way to the stables. Her brother cleaned his sword.

"Jaime." She called to him. Her brother did not look up.

She came closer and realized that he was crying softly. Cersei sat by him and hugged him. She knew that all Jaime ever wanted was to be knight like the ones in the books father forced him to read until he did not confuse his letters.

Cersei rubbed his back and let him have a good cry. Her twin didn't have to explain anything.

Jaime wiped his face after a while, "do you think it would have been different if she were alive?"

Cersei doubted it but Jaime needed comfort, "yes, mother would have made sure that we were all happy. Maybe we would have more brothers and sisters. Father wouldn't worry so much about his legacy."

Jaime nodded, "I had a plan you know. I was going to fail miserably at being a lord for a year. Father would then have to rely on Tyrion and realize he would be a better lord."

Cersei shook her head, "he will never leave Casterly Rock to Tyrion."

Jaime sighed, "Maybe we could all run away. Father wouldn't have heirs and it would all go to uncle Kevan."

Cersei smiled bitterly, "he can have more children. Do you see me and Tyrion trailing after you?"

Her brother looked defeated. Cersei kissed his hand. "It isn't too bad. You will have a wife and will rule. You can hunt and fight all you want."

"I don't want a wife. I want to be like uncle Gerion. Travel far, fight, learn new things." He said.

Cersei interrupted that train of thought. "Casterly Rock will be yours and Tyrion could run it in your name. All you have to do is wait and do as he says."

Jaime frowned, "I would like you to be in my place."

Cersei pursued her lips, "I would love to be in your place. I would be able to rule in my own name. Be here at home. How long do you think before he ships me off to some lord?" Cersei stood up. Jaime hugged her, "I'm sorry."

"Thank you." She said and grabbed his hand.

"Let's go back inside. I am getting cold." She said and shivered a little.

Jaime smiled, "I'll take a walk." He said and made sure that she was inside the castle.

Cersei knew that Jaime would not stay in the stables. He was going to the brothel in Lannisport. He'd been going for six months now. He did not have a regular schedule. Cersei learned indirectly, through their father actually. Uncle Kevan and him were discussing Jaime and Cersei listened behind the doors.

Cersei thought father would kill Jaime when he learned but he heard his father say, "Good. Make sure the whore is clean and cannot bear children. We shan't have bastards."

Cersei ran back to her room. She of course knew about brothels. She knew that women satisfied men there. Cersei shrugged and slept fitfully that night. Jaime wouldn't leave her or Tyrion.

The girl looked for him the following morning and found him eating an apple. She sighed in relief.

"Did you have a nice walk?" Cersei asked with a smile. She blinked at him when he almost choked.

"I did." He said and then changed the subject to going to the shores.

"Spring is here. What do you say sister? The three of us swimming. You have not swam since you came back from the Capital."

Cersei took the offer, "We will meet you by the gates."

The girl went into Tyrion's rooms and then went into the dungeons. He sat looking at a fire.

Cersei frowned, "get up, we are going swimming."

Tyrion sighed and followed her, "I don't want to. I want to stay here."

"The sun will do you good." The siblings walked to the gates and met Jaime who grinned from ear to ear.

They walked, Jaime taught Tyrion a dirty song. Cersei frowned but listened. They made it to their private beach. No one in Lannisport was allowed there only the Lannisters. Jaime and Tyrion undressed to their breeches and went straight for the water. Cersei remained back. Jaime and Tyrion splashed and swam. Cersei decided to get into the water as well. She used her shift and underdress. It would be enough to make sure that she was covered.

She played around with Tyrion and yelled when Jaime dunked her under the water. Tyrion climbed her back and tried to sink her as well. She laughed like she had not in years. Tyrion tumbled and tried to teach them. Cersei was successful and graceful while Jaime made a fool of himself. Jaime looked to be out of his funk. They played all afternoon and ran to dry themselves. Tyrion was sleepy by the time they walked back to the Rock. He climbed Jaime's back and he carried him until they got home.

Father waited for them at the gates. Cersei stiffened. Jaime set Tyrion down. Their father's voice was icy. "Make yourselves presentable. I will see you three in my solar immediately."

The three Lannisters took their separate ways. Cersei dressed and tried to comb her wet and salty hair. It was by no means presentable but she plaited into a single braid. She was the last one to join.

"We are to go to Harrenhal for Lord Whent's daughter's nameday." He said clearly. Cersei frowned.

"Why?" She blurted.

Her father contemplated her for a minute and then said quickly, "the King has asked for a presence. I need you three to be on your best behavior. Jaime, you are free to enlist in as many lists as you desire."

Jaime grinned and nodded. "Yes father."

"Cersei, you and Tyrion will be on your best behavior."

Cersei then thought that maybe the king had come to his senses and wanted her father back as Hand of the King. Father would then go back to King's Landing. He dismissed her brothers and asked her to sit down.

"I need your help." Her father looked at her seriously.

"Of course father." She said with downcast eyes.

Father stood up and came close to her, "I need you to make sure that your brothers behave themselves. There is a lot of stake in this Tourney. We might be in the King's good grace if things work out."

Cersei nodded, "Father, am I still to marry prince Rhaegar?"

Father kissed her forehead, "you must be patient. Now, go on and do as I told you. Make sure your brothers behave."