Chapter 30
Cersei met with Catelyn every day after their first meeting. It was for naught as neither woman liked each other. They were perfectly polite but there was a wall of ice between them. Ned was oblivious to it and thought they were becoming fast friends. Cersei did not disabuse him of such notion.
There was a farewell feast for them. They would sail North, as Catelyn's plans to visit their nieces was nixed. Jaime and his daughters would not be West for they were to visit the Stormlands on account of Renly Baratheon's name day. Cersei knew that it was Jaime's way of denying Catelyn. Jaime did not care much for the Baratheons.
It was a lovely feast if Cersei said so herself. She danced with some lords and her husband. Ned appeared happy and danced with Catelyn as well. The woman showed true smiles then. Cersei placed a mask of happiness. It was not until the night of the feast when her suspicions were validated.
It was Littlefinger, who alerted her of the plot. "Your grace." He said as he bowed to her. Cersei had not seen much of the Master of Coin. He was busy working and building his businesses. Cersei knew the brothels were growing and leaving quite good revenue. Tyrion's expenditure alone would have built Littlefinger a small fortune. Cersei did not like to think too much about that.
"Lord Baelish. It is so nice to have you back." Cersei smiled at the man.
"It is nice to be where I am needed." The man smiled back.
Cersei frowned, "you sound discontent Lord Baelish?"
"Not at all your grace. Only a bit heartbroken." The man replied. "I had hoped to stay North a little bit longer."
Cersei schooled her features to be quizzical. This man wanted her to inquire further. "How so?"
"Catelyn had to come here as per Jon Arryn's request. She was not too keen to travel south and leave Sansa but Jon indicated the King needed Catelyn here." Baelish said.
Cersei nodded, "Ned cares for her very deeply."
"He does, as he should after all, Catelyn is as his sister. It was suggested that the King's stay in Winterfell was well loved by both of them." The man finished.
Cersei smiled again, although it was harder to keep her features schooled. "Yes, Ned is fond of his ancestral home and lands."
Baelish was called away by some golden cloak. Cersei stood up and mingled with the lords and ladies until she found who she looked for. Varys spoke with lady Stokeworth.
"Lord Varys." She said and the bald man turned to face her.
"Your grace." He said and bowed to her.
"A word if I may." She said and left the room. She was sure that Baelish could see her and did not care. She needed to know now.
Cersei and Varys did not have a close relationship. She relied on Tyrion for her information but she was sure that Tyrion was unaware of any of Arryn's plots. Varys however was still the master of whispers. Ned needed him to alert him of threats and plots. She now needed some information for herself.
She entered her solar and offered Lord Varys a seat. "I will be direct. Why was Catelyn Stark summoned to King's Landing?"
"She was to visit the King and be here for the tourneys." The Spider replied.
"I will have you removed from court. Your place here is flimsy. I suggest you and I work together." Cersei said
Varys nodded, "my little birds inform me that Lord Arryn wanted to see Lady Stark and our king together. He thinks an alliance between Lady Stark and the king would be beneficial. A marriage between Lady Sansa and Prince Jon is to be negotiated soon."
Cersei could read between the lines. Arryn meant to have Catelyn and Ned together. "May I ask? What is to be done about me?"
"Not sure what you mean your grace. I think Lord Arryn was hoping for an agreement between the King and Lady Stark. It was said that the King enjoyed his stay north and that Lady Stark got along with him quite well. Lord Arryn thought it would only be a matter of time before an engagement announcement is made regarding the prince's engagement." Lord Varys said.
Cersei smiled. "Thank you, Lord Varys. Shall we rejoin the feast?"
The man nodded and offered his arm to her. Cersei took it and they rejoined the feast. It appeared only Baelish noticed their absence. Cersei felt a cold fury, this was not like when the plot with Lynesse. Yes, this was another calculated move from Jon Arryn but she did not know the extent of Ned's involvement.
She smiled at some ladies and then glanced at her king. He was in deep conversation with Catelyn once more. Cersei watched the way he smiled at Catelyn. It was a fond smile, friendly. Ned was always guarded around people. She was used to his smiles but only in private. He would joke, and play with the children and her. Ned was not this extroverted in company. She needed to make things clear. She watched them most carefully and seethed at the way Catelyn touched his arm and how Ned talked to Arryn and laughed. Ned saw Jon Arryn as a father. She had never felt this way about anything. She was on very shaky ground.
The discovery that she wanted her husband to only smile at her came unbidden. She came back to her place next to Ned and directed his attention to her. "My love." She said and kissed his hand. Ned smiled at her.
"Care to dance?" She asked him. Ned stood up and followed her.
She watched Catelyn's face fall as they danced. The woman needed to be put in her place. It gave her a thrill to see Jon Arryn frown.
Cersei danced with him but her mind was elsewhere. She could not lose her position as queen. She could not lose the children or Ned. The thought of losing Ned made her feel sick. She looked at his bearded face and watched as his eyes danced over her face. She grinned and kissed him soundly. It was improper but she did not care. "What was that for?" He asked her.
Cersei twirled and kissed him once more. "They all need to know that you are happy. They all should know that I am your queen and you are mine." Ned eyes' crinkled, and he laughed out. She wanted to make sure that Jon Arryn and Catelyn Stark understood that they would not take him away. He was hers and would remain so. If Jon Arryn wanted to fight then there would be a fight.
The feast finished well after midnight. Cersei led Ned to their quarters and undressed him quickly. She kissed him like it was the last kiss they would share. He was taken aback but increased his intensity to match hers.
Cersei grabbed his manhood and teased him over his breeches. She then turned so that he could undo her laces. The queen slid away from her dress and shift while Ned undid his breeches. Cersei then got on her knees. "I want you inside my mouth."
Ned did not need to be told twice. She played with his balls and teased his dick until he almost forced her mouth on him. She rejoiced on the way his hands found their way to her face and how he shuddered at her touch. She loved to see him lose control. He came inside her mouth and she almost gagged with his seed.
Cersei was incredibly aroused when he kissed her mouth and then led her to the bed. He placed one of her legs over his shoulder and began licking her mound. She trashed and saw stars when he touched her button. "Tell me you love me." She said.
Ned looked up at her, "I adore you. I would burn the world for you my love." He said and she believed him.
Cersei came yelling his name. He kissed up her navel and then kissed her neck. She felt the need to hug him tight.
She caressed his face and tried to sleep but could not. Not even after she heard his soft breathing against her chest.
Cersei started to think of all she could lose. Lynesse was a silly thing, a whore. The plot Jon Arryn engineered for her was secondary. Lynesse was to bear his bastard children in case Jon perished. Catelyn in King's Landing meant something else. Jon Arryn would not have dared if there weren't any foundations. She remembered Littlefinger's words. Ned was said to have spent a happy stay in Winterfell. Varys seconded the notion. They implied that Ned wanted Catelyn at some point. Cersei's brain would not stop. She remembered that Catelyn was to be married to Ned. She watched as Ned slept soundly. Ned, who ever since she was sick told her he loved her very often. Ned, who told her he rejected Catelyn. There was a voice inside her head, what if he lied? What if Catelyn refused the match on basis of her pregnancy?
The woman could not help but compare herself to Catelyn. Cersei was more beautiful. She was born to be queen. It was a fact but was Catelyn a better person? Cersei would not call herself good. She was selfish and could be hateful. The world thought her pious but she did not believe in any Gods. She believed in power, in herself, in Jaime and in Tyrion. She believed in Ned. He was her protector but was he hers? Could Catelyn entice him and take him away?
A fear that she had known until then gripped her. It would all go away. Cersei thought of not being queen anymore and it made her angry. She then thought of not being Daenerys and Jon's mother and it made her heart seize in fear. Cersei thought of Ned kissing Catelyn, making her writhe under him and she felt nauseous. It would not do. She realized that the idea that Ned would want someone else filled her with jealousy and hatred. She only wanted Ned for herself. Cersei thought back to when they first married. She would have accepted another woman. She would have accepted him fucking another woman even after the first two years of marriage. It was impossible to think of that now. Cersei gasped and sat up. She left the bed and paced. What was this? It was more than pettiness. She hurt when Ned was sad. It was impossible to bear to not speak to him every day. She slept by his side every night. Cersei cherished the times he spent with her and the children. She cared for his opinion and wanted to see him happy. She naturally knew that she cared deeply for him but it was more than friendship.
Was she in love with her husband? Cersei thought of Rhaegar when she thought of love but Rhaegar never made her laugh. Rhaegar never touched her. He never took her to forests or whispered things in her ears. Ned Stark did, her presumably cold and quiet husband made her yell out his name at night. Ned, easy Ned told her silly japes. He rubbed her feet when she was tired of walking. Her Ned made sure to tell her how beautiful she was. Cersei glanced at her sleeping husband and a wave of feeling overtook her. Ned was good to her. He gave her a family, more than that. He made her happy. She liked to keep his confidence, make sure he slept, ate and laughed. Cersei wiped tears from her face. It was a different sort of love, not stronger than the one she felt for her brothers or her chosen children. It was just different. She then frowned. She was confused, above all she was terrified.
Cersei left their quarters and visited the children. It always calmed her down. She entered Daenerys' rooms first, the little girl was fast asleep. Cersei covered her with her blankets. Dany frowned in her sleep. Daenerys who was beautiful, who reminded her of Rhaegar only she didn't, not since she started talking. The little girl was her own person. She was headstrong, could be wild and so cheerful. Dany loved her and loved Ned. Her eyes lit up when she saw him enter a room. Daenerys ran to him and clung to him. There was no room to think of Rhaegar when all Daenerys did was worship Ned. It was disloyal to think of Rhaegar when the little girl was devoted to the only father she knew.
Cersei kissed her forehead and left the room. She entered Jon's just as quietly. She sat by him and caressed his face. Jon sighed and opened his grey eyes. He looked like Ned. Jon blinked. "Is it morning mamma?"
"Sleep my love." She said and sang to him. Jon, who was supposed to be her Rhaegar. Jon however was Ned's. Her husband may be his blood uncle but Ned was his father. Jon was more Stark than anything. The boy was part wolf and Ned was proud of that. There was nothing of Rhaegar on the boy. He was quiet but that was chalked up to Ned. He was shaping to be an excellent horse rider. Ned trained him on sword fighting as well. He was Ned's.
She smiled at the boy's sleeping face and kissed his cheek. She walked back to her quarters and watched Ned still sleeping. Cersei accepted Jon and Daenerys because of Rhaegar. It was true in the beginning. Cersei planned to teach the children about Rhaegar, tales of adventure, bravery and unsurpassed skill. Only she did not. Cersei explained to herself that it was because Ned discovered the figurine but it wasn't. She found herself telling them things about Ned. He went away to the Iron Islands and Cersei only spoke of Ned. The children knew about dragons through Tyrion. They would learn about Targaryens through their maester and septa. She went back to her bed and tried to close her eyes and sleep. It was useless. She thought of Ned, of how good he was, his kindness, the love he had for the children. Ned was funny, quiet and his laughter made her happy. She felt happy when he was happy, concerned when something troubled him and invincible next to him. Ned supported her, he never made her feel less intelligent like Tyrion did at times or helpless like when Jaime forbade her to go alone to forests or to Lannisport.
Ned made her feel smart, appreciated and he never asked anything of her. Her quiet, loving husband never asked anything of her. He did not even asked children out of her. How could she be so vain? Wasn't she the one who encouraged him to have other women? No more. The idea of another woman under him repulsed her. She established that when Lynesse tried. Catelyn was more dangerous. She could take him away. He responded to Catelyn, just how much did he respond to the Wardeness of the North? Cersei thought back to his stay North. He'd been hurting then. Could he have betrayed his vows? Cersei needed to know.
Ned stirred behind her. He kissed her shoulder. Cersei pretended to be asleep. Her husband sighed and embraced her. He stayed around her for ages. He nuzzled her neck and breathed her in. "Why are you awake?" He rasped.
Cersei blinked her eyes open once more. "How did you know?"
Ned tightened his hold on her. "You make noises when you are truly asleep."
She turned and smiled. It was little things like that. She kissed his mouth but they did not have much time. "I have to see Catelyn off."
Cersei stiffened, "When are they leaving?"
"Before noon. I have a few meetings and then I'll see them off."
Cersei stood up. "I will have breakfast with her."
Ned smiled, "thank you for liking her."
Cersei nodded and started dressing for the day.