Hey, guys! I hope you're all safe! I hope you're all sane! I hope you're all blessed with brilliant house companions and high speed internet! I am trying to stay positive because the world is fucking scary, and on with the chapter!
Clary hadn't talked much when she got back to the Garroway house, and she hadn't eaten much either, which she knew that she was going to regret in the morning but at the time, she just hadn't been hungry. Simon had been sitting around the table with the seven or eight pack members who were there, looking completely at home which wasn't surprising at all. He had looked up from where he was stuffing his face with some of Catarina's famous home made dumplings and given her a look, asking her if she needed him in that single glance and Clary was so grateful for him. She'd just shaken her head, taking the plate out of the microwave that Jocelyn had put aside for her and picking at the dumplings and salad, knowing that the werewolves in the next room could hear her and were aware that she was right there, but were giving her the space that she needed.
As expected, when Clary woke up the next morning, she was starving, and before she left the house for a job, she finished two apples and a banana. It was a good thing that everyone else was asleep and the fact that she had never had to deal with a human side effect like a stitch in her life or else Jocelyn would be demanding that she wait at least half an hour after eating before she exercised. Her wolf wasn't protesting about hunger pains anymore, and she'd gotten a good nights sleep given she had gone to bed almost as soon as she had gotten home—right after she had eaten and had a quick shower—so it felt good to be running again.
This time, though, she made sure to head in the complete opposite direction from where her old home used to be, because two times in less than a week was quite enough, and this morning was a new day.
It was almost seven o'clock when her phone rang, and when she pulled it out and saw Raph's name on the screen, a confused frown creased her forehead. Her wolf paced inside of her, torn between this strange sense of loyalty to her mate and the comfort and friendship that Raphael had been providing her for the past few years. Clary shook her head, swiping her finger across the screen at the last minute before the call cut off, and lifted her phone to her ear.
"Hey, Raph," she said, and she made a face to herself, because she could hear the slight strain in her voice, which meant that Raphael would definitely be able to hear it.
"Hey, cariño," Raphael replied easily, and Clary couldn't help the way her frown deepened, which made her wolf scratch and paw at her ribs uncomfortably. Raphael and her were good—they were great, even, they always had been—other than Simon, Raphael would be the person that she considered her best friend and had been a complete anchor for her, even though they had always known that the romantic side of their relationship was never going to last forever. Her wolf had occasionally pulled away from Raphael, especially after they had sex and definitely when his fingers had brushed near the nape of her neck, but other than that, her wolf had found comfort in him. "So...Can you tell me what's going on yet?" Clary couldn't help but smile ruefully at the blunt question, grateful at how Raphael didn't dance around the subject, but then the smile dropped with what her response was going to be.
"I came back with my mate," she replied softly, and there was silence on the other end of the phone. Clary wrinkled her nose, and she looked down at her feet, where her shoes were pressing into the damp, overgrown grass of the path that she had chosen to take. She was probably only about ten minutes away from the Garroway house now, so she started walking slowly in that direction.
"I figured it had something to do with him," is what Raphael eventually said.
"Yeah," Clary said quietly, not sure what else to reply. Raphael knew about Jace, but it wasn't something they had ever discussed at length. Jace had never been someone that she had discussed with anyone at length, except maybe with her therapist.
"Well..." Clary knew Raphael well enough to know that he was picking his words carefully, which was unusual for him, and she appreciated the effort. "Are you okay? Are you happy? We...Never really spoke much about him, but—I mean, there had to be a reason that you left, so..." he trailed off again and Clary felt her heart squeeze, because she knew that this was hard for Raphael. Even though they had always known what they had wouldn't last for a long time, what they shared was always temporary, she knew that she meant a lot to Raphael—and he meant a lot to her as well, just...She had always been a bit more reserved. He was careful about the people that he let get close to him, he had to be, given how many people he had watched grow old and die, including all of his family and the friends that he had grown up with before he had been turned into a vampire, but he had let down his walls with Clary, she had seen that. "I just want to know that you're safe and happy," Raphael finally said and Clary smiled sadly, glad that he couldn't see her face.
"I'm safe," Clary told him honestly. "And I think I'm happy—I'm not unhappy. I'm still...Figuring everything out. Taking it a day at a time. Adjusting and stuff." There was silence again before there was the sound of Raphael drawing in a deep breath, which was clearly only to break the silence since Raphael had no reason to breathe.
"So that's why you left to go back home? To reconnect with your mate?" Raphael asked, and Clary could hear the tug in his voice.
"I mean, that's not—not entirely it," Clary said, and she felt a bit better now, because the conversation was about to shift. "You know how things haven't been great for me lately? I just—something has been off and I haven't been able to figure out what it is."
"I know that Simon has been helping you a lot," Raphael told her. "You've smelt even more like his magic than usual."
"Yeah," Clary nodded, running a hand through her hair. "I mean, things have always been...Harder than normal—" she wasn't going to get back into Jace with Raphael if she could help it, so she moved on quickly. "But I've just felt really uneasy lately, and just—I don't know. It's hard to concentrate sometimes and get a solid sleep and sometimes it feels as though my wolf is she just going to rip right out of my skin." Clary rolled her shoulders as she recalled how she had been feeling for so long, tipping back her head and scrunching up her nose. "I don't know what's going on with my wolf or with me, but I feel better here, and just feel as though I've been fighting everything for so long that I don't want to come back and feel like that again any time soon."
It was the first time she was saying that out loud, even though the thought had been hovering at the back of her mind for a few days now. It made her suck her lower lip into her mouth and bite down hard on the soft flesh, making her wince at the sharp taste of metallic blood that flooded her blood.
"I understand, Clary," Raphael's voice was soft, and it made her relax slightly...Although not as much as a simple brush of Jace's hand to the back of her neck, she couldn't help but note with a surprising blink. "You don't need to explain yourself." Clary rubbed a hand over her face and nodded to herself. "Look, uh—did you maybe want me and Heidi to have a look around your place? Just to make sure everything's okay? I know Simon would have checked it out pretty thoroughly as well, but it couldn't help to have another set of eyes run over it?" It wasn't a bad idea. A werewolf and a warlock hadn't found something, a vampire might be able to find something that they couldn't.
"Actually, yeah," Clary replied. "Yeah, that would be really good. You've got a key to my place, if you could check it out? Simon has wards up around my place, and he would always strengthen them, and there was never any damage or anything to show that someone had tampered with them. And I had never been able to smell anyone there, or anything unusual."
"We'll go around this evening and see what we can find...Maybe talk to a few of your neighbours. Mrs Davis loves me," he tacked on and Clary could just imagine his smirk.
"Yeah, yeah, if you end up going there, she'll probably never let you leave," Clary grinned.
"I don't know about that," Raphael snorted. "I'll have Heidi with me, and I don't think anyone would keep her anywhere if they didn't have to." Clary made a face at the mention of the blonde but she didn't say anything, because she tried to be nice when it came to Heidi, because she felt sorry for the girl.
"Thank you, Raph," she said instead and Raphael made a humming noise on the other end of the phone.
"Of course, dulzura ," he replied gently, and Clary bit her lip as she looked down at her feet, knowing that she was never going to be in a position with Raphael again where he said that word to her softly in person the way that he had before. She didn't feel regretful, but she did feel bad. "If it's not too late when we get back, I'll give you a call tonight, otherwise I'll call around the same time tomorrow." Clary was known for waking up early, even in the weekends or when she didn't have to, and it was the best time for Raphael to be able to call her, since he was meant to be sleeping through the day.
"Okay—and tell Heidi thank you as well," Clary added and there was a light snort.
"Yeah, I will," he said. "I'll talk to you soon. Take care of yourself." Clary echoed the sentiment back to him before they ended the call and she took in a deep breath. She didn't think the odds of Raphael and Heidi finding anything were high, but there was no harm in them looking. Raphael was older than Simon, so maybe there would be something that he could sense that even Simon couldn't.
Heidi was still young for a vampire and for a human—younger than Clary. She had been turned when she was just nineteen, and she had only been turned for about a year before Clary had met her, so she was still a fledgling, really, even now, a few years later. She was high strung, even for a vampire, very arrogant and needy and a bit whiny, but Clary still felt sorry for her. Her and Heidi had never really got on well, probably because Heidi had such a strong tie to Raphael, her sire, the bond even stronger since she was still such a strong vampire, and in the year before Raphael had met Clary and his attention had shifted a little. Clary was pretty sure it was just some petty jealousy, and that was Heidi acted like a bit of a brat when it came to Clary. The werewolf didn't really trust her, but then she hadn't trusted Raphael or Simon for a long time either, but Raphael kept her in line, and even though she was a vampire, Clary generally viewed her as harmless, sort of like a petulant teenager.
Clary continued running until she decided to go back to the pack house, breathing coming out just a little bit harder as she jogged up the steps and stopped at the swinging chair to drop a kiss to Catarina's cheek before she headed inside. Luke was washing dishes and he called out a hello as she walked through, and so she detoured through the kitchen to give him a quick kiss as well before heading up the stairs and straight to the bathroom after getting a towel out of the cupboard.
Her mind...Surprisingly calm as she took her time using the same type of shampoo and conditioner that her mum had been buying for years now, flowery and organic and comforting, massaging it into her scalp and then foaming up with the lavender body wash and rubbing it all over before shaving with one of the travel razors that she had grabbed from under the sink. She hated using cheap razors, but it wasn't like she had much of a choice when most of her toiletries were back in her apartment in New York—she hadn't thought to grab her razor when she'd been getting her toothbrush and toothpaste and deodorant.
She was going to need to buy herself a proper razor if she stayed here much longer.
She was going to need to buy herself a lot of things...Or bring them here.
She was going to need to sort something out—and pretty soon too.
And just like that, the calm that had settled over her mind disappeared. Clary let out a huff and rolled her eyes as she tipped back her head to let the suds out of her hair, washing herself off. It wasn't that she felt overwhelmed, things had settled a bit in her mind and her wolf had accepted a lot, and it was at times like these that she had no idea how humans dealt without being able to draw on the inner strength of their wolves.
"Fuck!" Clary squeaked out as she walked into her room, a towel wrapped loosely around her middle and Simon laying back over her bed.
"I was not even trying to be quiet," Simon hummed out, looking amused as she shut the door behind her, dropping the towel as she walked over to the dressed and started rummaging through, not caring about Simon seeing her bare form.
"Yeah, well, I've got a lot on my mind," Clary replied, and Simon's scent was so familiar, just like most of the pack, and since he had been here for a few days now, her room stunk of him. "We should go out tonight or something. Go into the city. Dinner and a bar or something, I feel like we need to—get out of here for an evening." Simon's eyebrows quirked upward at that and a bright grin spread across his face.
"You know I'm always down for that," he said with a grin. The beauties of getting drunk in a human bar was that Clary felt the affects for a little bit and could have fun, but then sobered up enough that she could make her way home safely. Good thing about going out with Simon as well was that as long as they were close to their home or wherever they were staying in, he could snap his fingers, and they were home. "Yes, tonight, let's do it." Clary grinned as she pulled on a pair of black briefs and a black bra and then started looking for a tank top. "But first, let's discuss...You. Jace. Whatever. Where's your head, yeah?" Clary wrinkled her nose as she looked back at him.
"I don't know," Clary sighed and Simon arched an eyebrow before she turned back to grab out some jeans to go with her top and start pulling them on. Simon settled back on her bed, looking up at the ceiling with his eyes lazily half closed, arms folded loosely behind his head. Clary climbed onto the bed and settled next to him, resting her head on one of his arms. "Okay, so..." she heaved out a heavy sigh.
"So?" Simon prompted after a moment of silence.
"I think I'm going to be here for a while...Right?" Clary mumbled.
"Right," Simon agreed without a moment of hesitation.
"How long do you think?" Clary asked, her voice soft.
"You mean you haven't realized that your place is here yet?" Simon asked. "I don't think you're going anywhere, anytime soon, Clary," he turned his head to look at her, big eyes blinking from behind his ridiculous glasses. Clary stared at him and her nose twitched before she felt tears well up in her eyes, twisting her body around so that she was turned into him completely, and Simon wrapped an arm around her tightly in a hug.
"But...What about you?" Clary's voice was muffled against his shirt, and it was a stupid question, because Simon was a warlock, he'd never had ties to a pack, or a coven, or a mate before, he'd always been a free spirit. When he and Clary became friends, no matter how close they got, Clary had always assumed her time with Simon was limited.
"Wherever you go, I go, Clary, surely you know that," Simon let out a laugh, as though it was the stupidest question to ask.
"What?!" Clary jerked away from Simon and he just grinned back at her, puppy-dog like.
"You're my best friend, Clary," Simon told her. "In terms you use, you're my pack. Where you go, I go. Okay?" Clary blinked at him, and then the tears starting flowing over and Simon let out a wet sounding laugh before he was hugging her tighter against his side.
I have a few TV recommendations few guys, since we've been inside doing almost nothing else for the past few weeks. Breeders is really funny in a total black comedy kind of way, although there's definitely a few things that hit a little close to home. And then there's Car Masters: Rust to Riches which is this car show where they take cars and do them up into something crazy. Me just writing that sounds bland as shit, and I never watch this shows! Haha. We never watch car shows or anything, but this one is just different, the whole group is just really entertaining. There's two seasons, so yeah, just check it out to see if it's your thing!
My top ten songs that I would recommend this time around are;
1) Smiling When I Die - Sasha Sloan. 2) Forever - Fletcher. 3) On - BTS. 4) Kissing Other People - Lennon Stella. 5) Pretend You're Missing Me - Betty Who. 6) Not In The Same Way - 5 Seconds of Summer. 7) Paper Hearts - Tori Kelly. 8) Cruel Intentions - Delacey and G-Eazy. 9) Ophelia - The Lumineers. 10) Highway To Heaven - NCT 127.
I hope you guys enjoyed the update! And the recommendations! I hope they provided a little bit of distraction in these...Weird times we're living in. Leave a comment, let me know what you thought of the update and please recommend songs and movies and TV series and whatever! I've heard from a few people that they've looked at other peoples recommendations and really enjoyed them, so it's not just me you're being a hero for right now! Haha.
Much love from me to you x
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