Hey everyone! Long time, no see! Here's the next chapter. Very quickly, there is a long A/N below, but it's not a very happy one, and you're under no obligation to read. To sum it up here, there is no posting schedule, I will post when I can, message me on any of my provided platforms if you have questions. However, I do have a Clace oneshot that will be getting posted this weekend :)
Right from the start, it felt different.
Clary knew that as soon as they started to run, as soon as Jace caught up with her as they reached the tree line, that just in the couple of days that had passed since the first time that they had run together, that things were different between them. Their bond was a little stronger, it wasn't as frail as it had been before because they had actually seen each other and spoken and formed connections, even though they weren't strong and cemented yet. Their scents were twining together, because his was of dark chocolate and woodsy undertones, and hers was of gentle roses and mint, and together it smelt comforting and fresh and like home. And their wolves...
They weren't on the saome path as last time, Jace had pulled slightly ahead, and Clary didn't mind the Alpha taking the lead, given it felt as though he was guiding more that forcibly directing. Like before, like the first time when they had run together, it felt as though she was moving quicker, as though she was feeding off their bond and it was giving her more energy, but this time, it felt as though her wolf was connecting with Jace's on a more intimate level. She could feel her wolf inside her, stretching her legs, throwing back her head, lengthening her neck as they jumped over a fallen log almost in tandem. She could feel Jace's wolf, strong and—not intimidating, but powerful, radiating Alpha—and her wolf wasn't scared at all. She wasn't scared at all.
It felt as though they were running so fast that Clary couldn't see where they were going, even with her advanced eye sight, but Jace was right there, and she felt as though she was part fae with wings, as they broke through the trees into a small clearing, especially when Jace reached out for her, his fingers reaching out and wrapping them around Clary's, giving her a slight tug so that there was no distance between them, and with a slight bump of her hip against his, they were falling, stumbling, and Clary couldn't help her delighted laugh as they crashing to the ground together. Jace twisted his body underneath hers, so that he took the brunt of the fall, letting out a loud 'oomph' but then grinning up at Clary.
She didn't move for a moment, just staring down at Jace, both of their breathing coming out evenly, given they had only been running for about ten minutes, and as she tilted her head to the side, she saw his eyes flicker between gold to red for a split second, and with him being so close, that them running together and her laying on top of them, with their scents and wolves beginning to mingle was making his Alpha rise to the surface, it made her feel almost light headed.
"Want to keep going?" Jace asked after a moment, and one of his hands was resting lightly on her hip, while the other was stretched out in the grass next to them, not trapping her, or pressuring her, which made her feel even more comfortable laying on top of him.
"No, I'm okay," Clary murmured, and Jace's eyebrow lifted slightly in surprise, but she didn't expand, rather just rolling off him and onto her back, so that she could stretch out in the grass next to him, and she felt his sigh, as well as hearing it. It was nice, laying here in the grass, and there were small animals in the woods around them, keeping a safe distance from the two predators, and the sun was warm above them, and it felt nice.
It was peaceful.
"What's going on, Clary?" Jace questioned after a few minutes, and Clary's eyebrows pulled together as she turned her head to the side.
"What do you mean?" She asked and Jace turned his head to face her, so that their noses were only a couple of inches apart, and Clary couldn't help the way her eyes were drawn directly to his. They were such a deep gold, and in their depths, she could see red flickering, his Alpha there as he looked back at her.
"Something is going on," Jace responded, and he shrugged a shoulder before turning his head to look back up at the sky, looking away from her in a way that made her feel strangely empty in her stomach but also easier in her chest. He knew that something was going on, just like he had when they had been hours and hours apart, so of course he knew when she was laying right next to him, and he seemed to know that she was still putting everything together in her head and couldn't handle the way he was looking at her. "We don't have to talk about it, but...We can." Clary's heart was beating harder in her chest, and Jace would easily be able to hear it, she knew that, but that was okay.
"Raphael called me this morning," Clary began slowly, choosing her words carefully as she followed Jace's lead subconsciously, looking up at the sky and chewing down on her bottom lip. "I asked him to go by my apartment and check it out while I was gone."
"Was everything okay?" Jace asked, obviously wanting to know more, but not pushing, and Clary appreciated that.
The way she was feeling right now, it was even different from the way that Simon made her feel, and Simon was the person in the world that she felt safest with. At one point, it was probably her pack, maybe her mother or Catarina, but that had...That had shifted, broken a bit with everything that had happened with her father and the way that her pack had been fractured by it's terrible leadership. But since she had moved to New York to heal and she had connected with Simon, he had become the person who had brought the most comfort, but the way that Jace made her feel, the way he made her wolf feel...It was unrivalled and it scared her, and thrilled her at the same time.
"He and Heidi went by and everything was okay, but they could smell a seelie," Clary told him, and she could instantly smell the shift in Jace's scent. He wasn't worried, exactly, but there was some concern.
"A seelie?"
"Yeah," Clary shrugged a shoulder as best she could while laying down. "I don't know what's going on, but...I don't know," she muttered. "Something has been weird for a while, but I can't think of anything that I have done recently that involves a seelie." Her mind flashed to Jonathan, and how she had lost her brother, but she couldn't think of how that would be related to now. Her scent had obviously soured even more at the memories of her brother, and Jace reached out, a finger wrapping around hers in a small but comforting way. "I don't know what's going on, but...I wanted to tell you." Jace's finger tightened around where it was looped around hers, and he nodded. She could feel the way he was sending calming pheromones, nothing intrusive, nothing too much, but enough to make her feel calmer.
She knew that there was something that she should address with Jace that he might need some calming about. Clary licked her lips quickly, letting out a breath through her nose before turning her head to the side to look at Jace.
"I'm not—I'm not mad about Kaelie or anything," she said, a little falteringly because she knew it was a complete change up in topics, but also because she knew that it needed to be said. Something had to be said. Jace didn't respond for a moment, although his fingers got even tighter around hers, and she didn't mind the silence because it felt comfortable, and she was glad that Jace was considering his words before replying.
"Really?" Jace finally asked, and he pulled himself up into a seated position as he did so, legs still stretched out in front of him, but twisting slightly at the waist so he could look down at Clary. The position blatantly emphasized the difference in their power dynamic, with Clary literally laying lower than him, but she didn't feel threatened by it. So, rather than pulling herself up as well, she forced herself to still lay down in the grass, because she was comfortable, and the only reason that she would be getting up right now would be to try and put herself back on equal footing with Jace. She needed to stop trying to do that, or stop trying to make it seem like she needed to prove herself to herself in her head as she took a deep breath.
"I mean…" Clary laced her fingers together over her stomach and looked up at the sky again, away from Jace's face because she didn't need to look at his expression to know how he was feeling. She could feel it through their bond, and smell it in his shifting scent in the breeze that was drifting around them and carrying the scents of the forest and the Alpha's pheromones. "No. Uh. My wolf...My wolf doesn't like it, but I understand. Because I do," she took in another deep breath, and she felt her wolf shake herself off and settle slightly at the knowledge that Clary was talking things through with their mate. "It makes me feel wrong and—almost sick," that made her feel shaky to admit, feeling so vulnerable, because she hadn't even admitted that to herself yet.
She hadn't even admitted to Simon, or really thought about it, because she just didn't want to be that vulnerable with everything else that was going on, with everything else that had been changing around her.
"I'm glad that you had someone that made you happy," Clary said, and that was true. And she didn't mean in the way that his pack had made him happy, she meant in the way...That Kaelie would have made him happy. In a way that Clary was meant to help with. "Someone that helped look after you, while I wasn't here," she added more quietly, and now she felt wrong laying down on the grass, talking about something that was so close to her heart, being so exposed. There was guilt that was hanging over her at the words, even though they had both spoken about everything that had happened, and Jace took in a deep breath, obviously able to smell the shift in her scent, and her anxiousness.
"What about you?" Jace asked, his voice a little strained, but he moved his fingers, so that they were properly holding hands, linked together firmly and squeezing it in a comforting way. "Did you have someone?" Clary pursed her lips together, and her wolf whined. Her wolf didn't like the fact that she had sought comfort in Raphael, even though it understood, and Clary wasn't about to lie to Jace, and she knew that he would know. He wasn't stupid. He knew her, things about her that she hadn't talked about with anyone else, and he could see things in her that other people couldn't.
Because he was her mate, and that's who he was to her.
"Yeah," she said quietly. "Raph. He's a good friend." Jace didn't look surprised, although she saw the way his nose crinkled slightly in distaste.
"He sounds like a person to have around. He's the one who helped you find a therapist as well, right?" Jace asked, eyes looking away from Clary, even as their palms were still pressed together.
"Yes," Clary nodded, and she couldn't help the way she was still looking at Jace, wanting to see the exact moment he looked back at her. And then he did, and there wasn't hurt in his eyes, or anger, there was understanding, and that soothed both Clary and her wolf. Because she knew that she hadn't done anything wrong, she knew that their relationship wasn't typical for mates, there were a lot of things that weren't 'normal', but they both seemed to accept that.
He didn't address it any further, and she was happy to leave it at that, glad that they were both open, even if it wasn't the most comfortable a topic.
"What about Simon?" Jace asked, and with the way he was asking, he seemed to know that there had never been anything sexual or romantic between them, and at the mention of the warlocks name, some tension bled from Clary's shoulders.
"He's a good friend," she said before her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. "He's more than that. He's...He's my pack," she added, pressing her lips together and watching as Jace's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise, but he nodded slightly, processing her words slowly. The two werewolves sat there in the grass, only connected by their hands and breathing.
"What's your plan going forward?" Jace asked after a few minutes, and Clary's nose twitched at the question. "With your job?"
"I don't know," she shook her head, and she felt the anxiety start to rise again, and that just brought on a whole other questions and concerns that she knew she had to deal with. There was Jace, there were the seelies now, and there was her job and the fact that her entire life for the past few years had been in New York but—but this was also her home. This was where her mum was, where Luke was, where she had grown up...Where her mate was. "I don't know," she repeated, and she let out a heavy breath and pulled her hand away from Jace's because she felt suddenly overwhelmed.
"Hey, it's okay," Jace told her, and he turned his body slightly around so that he was facing toward her, but he didn't reach out to try and touch her, which she appreciated, although his calming pheromones were in the air in a soothing, non-suffocating way. "I just...I wasn't sure if you had decided anything yet."
"Everything just feels like it's moving really fast," Clary muttered, reaching down to rip up some grass to give herself something to do with her hands, her wolf feeling impatient and wanting to pace or run but also not wanting to put any further space between her and Jace. "I know it's not, I know—I know in theory it's not, but—" Jace made a noise of understanding at the back of his throat, and Clary felt herself relax slightly.
It felt good with Jace. That was something that she didn't think she would ever be able to get over. How good it felt with Jace. That just hadn't been something that she had been prepared for. Logically, she had known that she would be coming back to California eventually, but she hadn't been prepared for that now.
"I know that...My place is here," Clary said slowly, and she wasn't looking at Jace as she said the words, but she felt his swell of happiness instantly. She could smell it, and she could also feel it, and that made the next words harder. "But...I like my job, my apartment...And I just...I hadn't been ready for this to happen now." The happiness dampened, but not a lot, and Clary was happy for that. If it was a few weeks ago, she couldn't even imagine having a proper conversation with Jace about this—hell, she couldn't even imagine having a proper conversation at all and yet here they were, and they had already taken so many leaps and bounds, and so she took in a deep breath to steady herself. "But I know my place is here," she repeated her earlier sentiment. With you, was what she added in her head, what her wolf was whining, but she wasn't quite ready to say them out loud yet.
The unheard words seemed to have been heard, though, because the rush of happiness came back from Jace.
It was stronger this time, though, the dark chocolate scent so rich that it was almost intoxicating.
Clary really couldn't stop turning her head to look at the Alpha even if she tried, and when she did, Jace's eyes were now burning red, the gold completely gone, and it felt as though Clary's breath was completely gone from her lungs. She blinked at Jace and he smiled at her, soft and slow, not moving in even though it was clear that he wanted to.
And she wanted him to as well.
She wanted him to lean in and touch her so badly.
Clary licked her lower lip and she saw the way Jace's eyes dropped, following the movement and her wolf shifted inside her, not pacing, but pawing behind her ribs, wanting to get closer and closer to Jace, but tentative, wanting the Alpha to make the first move. Clary pursed her lips together as her nose twitched, and she could feel the electricity in the air between them, around them, and the hairs on the back of her neck rose.
"Clary," Jace's voice was rough, and it surprised her, jarring her for a moment because she hadn't expected him to talk, and her eyelids jerked open, surprising her because she hadn't even realized that they had started sliding shut. She blinked and began to pull back but Jace stopped her.
His expression was soft—softer than she had ever seen it, which felt like it wasn't much, but she had seen the way he had looked at Max and at the rest of his pack, and so she felt as though she had something to measure it against—and his hand gently cupped her jaw.
"I want to kiss you, sweetheart," he said quietly, and Clary couldn't help but blink again, and then it was her that was letting out a rush of pheromones, so strong that she felt high on them herself. Happiness and appreciation rushed over her, flowed over Jace, rushed through the clearing, her gentle scent of roses and mint mingling with his own of dark chocolate and the fresh smell of grass and flowers in the clearing and...It was only her and Jace in this moment. "Can I kiss you?" Clary parted her lips to reply, but her throat just didn't want to work, her tongue pressing against the roof of her mouth a little uselessly as she tried to form words, before she just nodded her head, and she could feel her own eyes sparking in response to his.
Seeing his red eyes staring directly at her didn't make her scared in a way that she had expected, especially with the way he was cupping the side of her face with a thumb brushing over the apple of her cheek.
It was nothing like she had experienced before.
It was—it was so strange, the way her heart was beating so steadily in her chest, when it felt as though it should be beating right out of her skin because of how nervous she was, even though this moment right here—kissing her mate, being with her mate—it was everything that her wolf ever really wanted, to be next to him, to be beside him.
Maybe it was because her wolf was so much more ready than her human self.
Either way, Jace didn't rush in, even after her permission, and that made her feel strangely calm.
He didn't reach out to touch her in any other way other than his hand on her face, not reaching with his other hand to wrap around the back of her neck like she thought he might have, and honestly, if he had, she wasn't sure what she would have done.
Jace's lips were soft against hers when they finally met, and Clary's body went completely lax.
Clary tilted her head to the side, moving in the opposite direction of Jace's face, following his gentle direction as his lips parted, although his tongue didn't press forward as she expected, keeping it almost chaste but still deepening the kiss by widening their mouths slightly. Clary felt a shiver run through her and her wolf was purring inside her, responding to Jace, responding to his wolf, who she could feel through their bond, which was growing stronger and stronger with every passing day that they were in one anothers lives.
She didn't think she'd ever felt so right as she had in that moment, so intune with herself and her wolf. And with her Alpha, and his wolf.
Aight. I've rewritten a message about six times and everytime I feel like such a bitch so here's attempt seven! I can't tell you how anxious I am posting this but writing is supposed to be fun and an emotional outlet for me, not pushing me to the point of wanting to just delete my whole damn account. Lol.
So! As a lot of you will have gathered, looking at my profile and if you follow any of social media, my mental health is shit right now. Please respect that. If you do not understand that, that is fine, but please respect it. There will be no posting schedule. I will update when I'm ready. If you have a request for a story, please do not spam reviews my stories, please message me. If you want a rough idea of when an update might be up, please message. If you do not want to message me, and you just want to leave a comment simply saying 'update' multiple times a week….I mean, okay? Just, um, I need some understanding that I am a human on the other end, and if you are a guest coming in just to comment 'update now', 'next update better be a long one', 'why are you like this, when are you going to update?' then please understand that as someone who has crushing depression and anxiety, these messages do not help. These do not feel like supportive words. These almost feel like demands. I delete a lot of these because they're very difficult to look at.
I understand that you would like stories finished. Myself personally, unless I know the author, I won't start a WIP, I will only read completed stories, and so perhaps it would be an idea to leave my unfinished content until I manage to finish them? I understand that may mean losing some readers, and I hate that, but I am only one teeny tiny content creator in a massive pool, and while your support is so fucking appreciated, you're under no obligation to stay right now.
So, uh. That's it! As always, I'm contactable on my social media, you can send me a PM on here, I'm pretty sure I've messaged back every single reviewer who has messaged me, and honestly, you who have reached out to me, and those on Twitter? You are absolutely beautiful human beings who deserve the world, you have no idea.
Please make sure you're looking after yourself and you're keeping safe, mentally and physically. If you're in NZ or in America, please vote. Screw Judith Collins and Fuck. Donald. Trump.
Love you x
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