These damn dreams.

They had become such an annoyance that a part of me missed the old ones. In my older dreams, I was depicted as some sort of inmate. A prisoner of fate is what they appropriately called me. That turned out to be a lie however, which took me months to figure out. Turns out that with enough conviction and stubbornness, you could just shoot your godlike warden in the face. Saving yourself, and all the world as a nice bonus. So yeah, it was somewhere in the top five best days of my life, but I figured anyone who reads this entry already knows that story.

This new story began with my dreams of late. It had been half a year since my last days in the velvet room. Yet, a new annoyance appeared in my sleep. It takes place in different scenarios, but the outcome always is the same. Last night I was running down a street, the night before I was in a long alley, another was in the halls of Shujin, but each time I am running. Running away from something so horrible, the term nightmare does not do it justice. Each time the dream starts, that brave leader I used to be is gone. No bravery, no grit, no sense of justice from the former Thief. All I feel is a prismatic form of emotions such as dread, guilt, betrayal, and doom.

Worse is that I cannot use the excuse of being a prisoner in these dreams. I am not bound by some sort of fate. I could turn around and sometimes the bravery does return, and I stop running. Ready to confront my pursuer, I choose to face the threat that is chasing me but every time I do, I fail. A dark figure that I find when I turn around wins, every single time. The mere sight of this figure is enough to destroy any ounce of rebellion inside my soul. Even looking at the creature presence gives off energy too much for me to handle. Soon I am overwhelmed and consumed by this nightmare.

I am no longer a prisoner, I escaped but feel as though something was chasing me back. Ready to make sure I uphold my sentence. The worse part, the part that embarrassed me the most is that I did not fight it anymore. What a shameful excuse for a leader I had become.

Every dream I have the freedom to choose, the freedom to fight this being of darkness. I write this wishing I could say every night I fought for my freedom. Unfortunately, that statement would be a lie. Most nights I ran and do not stop until it catches me, and it always caught me. When it does consume me, I wake up. Just like last night, where I decided to run.

The alarm rings and I woke up back in my room in LeBlanc. I stretched as the early sun warmed my face. Rubbing my eyes, I heard the yawning of Morgana. Looking over, I saw him pawing his eyes awake. Soon, he notices me looking and gives a polite smile.

"How'd you sleep, Joker?" He asked. I gave him a small half smile which causes his own to leave. Getting up on all fours, he said "I know you're tired of this question but-."

"Nothing was different." I calmly told Morgana. "And last night I ran. I feel a bit guilty about it too."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." He tried to comfort me. I get up from bed and start to dress. Morgana knows I appreciate his concern. I wish I could have reassured him better, but my tired face probably gave it away.

I wanted to tell him these dreams do not bother me. That they were just simply dreams, but they did worry me greatly. I felt mocked by this dark being chasing me, making me feel like a coward. Giving me the freedom to fight back, knowing I would fail. Constantly returning, knowing my spirit would break and give up. These dreams were too relentless to just pass them off. I wondered if they had a bigger meaning but also feared that maybe they were simply something more… human.

"I just wanted to be a bit braver today, since I was seeing Makoto later." I gave him the honest answer. This feeling of cowardness usually sat in the morning but left before I leave LeBlanc. My face never showing that something was wrong. In fact, none of the other Phantom Thieves knew about the dreams yet besides Mona.

Morgana shook his head, "Bravery shouldn't be an issue for you. You need to keep reminding yourself how amazing you really are." I nod at his comment, giving a small chuckle as well. I walked around the room gathering my things while he kept spouting praises. "Who knows what these dreams could mean. The velvet room or the metaverse has not been accessible for a long time. I just can't understand what this warning could mean."

"Maybe it's not a warning." I added. He stopped to look at my expression and I just give a smile.

Morgana clearly showed he was not convinced. "What else could it be?"

"It could simply be unrelated." I answered. Putting my school shirt on. "Last year, we had a lot thrown at us. I don't want to hog the spotlight, but most of it was thrown at me. So… I figure this could be something more personal." I tapped my temple to finish the statement. "They always say mental health is important. Maybe, just maybe… all those old wounds are coming back. Payback for surviving."

Morgana took a deep breath. I could tell he was trying his best while keeping a distance. I appreciated that but could also sense guilt coming from him, upset that his knowledge may not be enough to help me. He looked back up, "You went through so much last year. You never complain and it's so annoying how you walk around like nothing bothers you." I simply shrugged and gave a smirk to his comment. He continued, "Seriously! You're so calm and collective and cool and-."

"Unbelievably handsome?" I interrupted, opening my bag to let him in. This made him a bit annoyed. It was ridiculously cute, might I add.

"You're super cocky too!" Morgana objects but still got in the bag.

I collected everything including my plus one, making sure my plant was fed and my room is clean. Once ready, I stopped abruptly at the stairs before heading down. I reassured Morgana one last time, saying calmly, "I'm fine buddy but let's still not tell anyone about this just yet…ok?"

Morgana nodded his head. He was persistent but understood that I might not want to worry the others until I had a better understanding. He also was aware of another secret I would soon be spilling to the group. Taking a deep breath, I said, "I just don't want to bring up weird dreams when I tell everyone about Makoto and me…"

This got a laugh from him and that did reassure me, in an annoyed way. It meant we could move on for today but made another dilemma sit in my stomach. Makoto and I had been dating for almost half a year and we were going out later that day too. Her being in college meant less time to spend together. But we do keep up, on Phantom Thieves chat and our own private one. Although, I will not write those discussions on paper because a certain prosecutor may find this evidence.

No one knew about us besides ourselves and Morgana, Sojiro maybe but I never confirmed with him. We planned on telling everyone tomorrow when we have the Phantom Thieves reunion. These reunions happen every once or twice a month. The whole group gets back together so we can reconnect regularly and watch each other grow. They are good friends, and I could not be prouder. Which means, I know that when the news drops we have been dating behind their backs, it's sure to be memorable moment. I shuddered at the thought and left my room.

Heading downstairs, I expected to find Sojiro cooking breakfast. Instead, I heard slight humming and recognized the tune. It was from some intro to an anime that Futaba showed me a long time ago. Not a fan of the show itself but the intro was catchy. Looking around to the source, I do find her there in the kitchen. A robe over her Shujin uniform, she appeared to be cooking. This was a strange sight, nothing she had ever done before.

Walking toward the bar she soon sensed someone is staring. She quickly turned around and started speaking excitedly. "You're up! That's good, yeah that's great!" She began to say with enthusiasm and a bit too anxious. She ran to the counter and pointed down. "It's almost ready bro. I got up super early for this. Sit!"

I did as the chef commands and took my seat. Futaba then quickly returned to the kitchen. A giggle came without warning from myself as I put Morgana in the next chair. He looked at me curiously and I just give a shrug. Whatever was about to happen, we did not have a choice.

A couple minutes pass and I looked up from my phone and see Futaba returning with plates. She set down a plate in front of me with what looks like simple scrambled eggs, then another next to Morgana. Looking up from the eggs, she made an exaggerated pose. "TAAADAA!" Saying victoriously.

Morgana looked at me, then back to her curiously. "You're cooking breakfast now?" He asked.

"Yep! I looked up a few tutorials online last night and asked Sojiro to let me try. Did this all by myself."

I poked the eggs with my fork, "This is nice but… you looked up a FEW tutorials just for scrambled eggs? No offense, but this should be basic-."

That comment ignited rambling from her, "Well there was also pancakes, bacon, a couple other things… but don't ask about them. They uh… didn't make it. God bless them. So, I decided to stick to something simple."

Looking at the simple plate of food, I still felt a sense of pride. Deciding also, to not to push the pancake topic. It was a sweet sentiment but one I could not help feeling a bit strange. Still, I did feel appreciation. "This is really nice of you, Futaba." I told her. "Thanks… but this feels a bit random. Is there an occasion?"

"NO! I just…" She slanted back, looking awkward. "I just want to learn more life stuff. I don't want to JUST be the tech genius anymore. Especially since you know… there's no need for that these days." I sat there and watched her, raising my eyebrow slightly. It might be hard to see over my hair, but she apparently noticed. "Hehe…ok and everyone here is a really good cook so I feel a little left out. Can you please just eat the eggs. I put my soul into those babies." She pushed the plate closer to me.

Morgana sniffed the eggs. "I can't cook either."

"You don't count, Mona. Pets don't do much around the house anyway."

His hair riled up. "HEY! There's no need for that comment!"

I looked back at the eggs. The sudden inspiration to try something new did not surprise me. Futaba started her first year at Shujin, alongside Me, Ann, and Ryuji as third years. Over the past few months, she had gotten better with crowds and social interactions. Although from her perspective, rollcall was life and death to her. Despite all the hiccups, I was still extremely proud of her. She had grown as a person. Of course, I would eat some eggs for her.

Looking down, I took a chunk of egg with my fork. Bringing it up to my mouth, I saw her staring at me anxiously. After a small delay, they entered my mouth.

While chewing I thought to myself.

"They're only scrambled eggs, surely the only thing I could worry about is maybe too much salt."

I began to chew.

"I mean come on, how could someone… oh… oh my."

I chewed for a few more seconds, then swallowed. I blinked twice and pondered to myself. Investigating the after taste, I put my fork down. I closed my hands together on the counter, looking tensely at her. "Futaba…" I muttered quietly.

"Y-Yeah?"

Morgana started to eat his own.

I gave her a skeptical look. "Can I ask you something about these eggs?" I asked.

"S-Sure." She uttered.

"Why do they not taste like eggs?" I asked in amazement. My tense appearance soon broke, and I began to chuckle to myself.

Morgana started to gag near his plate. "AH! What the- they taste like… why do they taste like that?!"

Futaba suddenly became shy at our reactions. "Heh, well… scrambled eggs sounded really basic, so I decided to take some liberties."

"You took liberties with scrambled eggs?!" Morgana yelled. I start to lose it, trying to hide my face with my hand. She quickly caught on and started to fume.

She pouted furiously at me. It was quite adorable. "If you think they're bad, then just say it!" She declared over us.

I tried get my composure back after she started yelling. Once I stopped laughing, I said, "Futaba… I don't think they're bad."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" She asked.

I wiped my face with a napkin. Now prepared, I said, "Yeah… they're actually awful."

"Ugh you are such a jerk!" She proclaimed as I get up and put an apron over my own uniform. I went over to the kitchen and told her to watch.

She crossed her arms but still watched carefully as I worked. It took me only a couple minutes before I had three omelets ready. Proud of my work, I started passing them around. I decided to just stick with an egg breakfast. There was no reason to rub it in more.

She sat down and began eating. I cleaned up the kitchen and looked over. She appeared to enjoy the omelet but still had a sour mood on her face. I decided quickly to share some wisdom with her. "When you want to pick up a new skill, make sure you start basic. Many people get eager and want to rush it. They want to master the skill quickly, but you'll only end up hurting yourself. Doing something simple is good because its guarantees not getting the alternative, which is failure." I explained.

Futaba stopped eating to look up. She slanted her head to the side to give me a comedically annoyed look. "You're rubbing it in, bro. Hiding it behind your fake pep talk."

"Yeah, I know I'm teasing you, but I do mean what I said." She gave a small huff as I sat next to her. "It still was a nice thing to do, Futaba. Thank you, really, the meal is whatever. To me, it's the thought that counts." I told her.

"Thought doesn't matter!" She proclaimed. "If this was a T.V show, some British guy would be yelling at me right now. Futaba your cooking is so rubbish! Stick to hacking into military databanks nerd!" She continued to her omelet. Giving me a sideways glance, she said, "We can't all be great at everything like you."

"I'm not great at everything." I told her back.

Futaba raised an eyebrow. "It'd be nice to see you trip every now and then."

The comment gave me a proud smile. However, I did feel slightly sad from hearing it as well. Last year I completely changed as a person. Hell, I ate a burger bigger than my head once. For what reason, I still could not come up with, but I did it anyway. The same day I talked to a high-profile shogi player. I guess somewhere along the way, I did become a bit of a perfectionist. Even so, why did that comment make me feel guilty. Is it because I became so good at hiding what bothers me?

I took a deep breath. Whipping my glasses and adjusting them on my face. "I do trip a lot. I don't usually show it but believe me, there were a lot of errors last year." I explained.

Futaba finished her plate. "Last year? You mean you weren't always OP protagonist incarnate?"

"No." I said honestly. "Last year, something changed me."

"Something changed you?" She asked curiously. "Well, come on! What's your cheat code?"

I pick up my plate and looked over to her, smirking. "You guys changed me." Her head tilted at that comment. "You, Sojiro, all our friends made me want to be a better person." I said cleaning my plate.

Morgana continued to eat his omelet. While chewing, he said, "You should've seen him, he never stopped moving. I bet if I didn't make him go to sleep, he'd pass out from overwork."

I looked over to him. "You could have let me stay up later than you did."

"Oh, don't start. Our leader would have been a sleep deprived zombie."

Futaba looked down at her plate for a moment. She seemed now a bit timid than a second ago. I noticed her looking over to me, then quickly avoiding my gaze when I saw her. It seemed she was waiting for the right time for something. I asked, "You want to ask me something?"

She tapped the edge of the counter repeatedly. Possibly trying to work up the courage to say what she was thinking. She soon stopped to ask me, "What were you like before you came to LeBlanc?"

The question took me by surprise. I tried to remember the person I was before, that person was not bad nor good. "Average…" I told her.

"Average? You?" She said surprised.

I give a halfway grin. "I mean, there wasn't anything special about me…" I paused for a moment. "I didn't have a lot of friends honestly. I wasn't a part of any clubs, no sports either. For a long time, I was just… living. Living without a real purpose I guess you can say."

"That doesn't sound like you." Futaba admitted.

"Yeah…" I agreed. She was right, the old me was boring. "Until one day, I decided to take a risk. Do something I wouldn't usually do."

"Oh…" She asked, a bit excited at first. The excitement soon fades however, when she reads my face. There was a grim expression on my face, recalling an old memory. She frowned. "Wait… was that when-?"

"Yep, with Shido." I admitted. "The first day I decided to break out, I thought it ruined my life."

She looked down, seeming ashamed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up, Akira."

I waved my hand. "It's fine. I have no regrets." I point toward the trashcan, where her eggs are. "Look, if there's a lesson to be learned here. It's that when trying to make yourself better, at first it can go horribly wrong."

"Ok, come on!" She complained.

I laughed before continuing. "Even if it goes wrong at first, you learn from it. It's scary to take risks, especially after failure… but you can't stop. No matter what, you keep making yourself better. It can take a long time, but I promise it will be worth it. Believe me, I thought I ruined my life forever. Instead, I just made a better one."

The conversation is cut off when Sojiro suddenly entered the café. Futaba became silent, thinking about what I had said. From what I saw of her expression, she seemed to appreciate what I said. All of it I meant too.

Sojiro walked to Morgana's plates and grabbed a small bit of omelet away from where he had been eating. "HEY!" Morgana complained but Sojiro could only hear an angry cat.

He tried the eggs, "Decent."

Futaba looks at him with a guilty expression, "I didn't make it though. Akira did."

"Oh, I know. Knew that soon as I tasted it." He told her.

"DAD!" Futaba squealed, causing Sojiro to laugh. Futaba started to complain while he continued to snicker to himself, like he was the proudest man in the world. As I cleaned our plates, I watched them and could not help the smile that suddenly formed around my face.

When I returned from home to LeBlanc for my third year, I noticed she started calling Sojiro, Dad. It made me happy because I knew it meant so much to Boss. Watching the two bicker was wonderful, they deserved every bit of happiness.

As I continued to clean my plate and enjoying the moment, I briefly remembered Morgana's words this morning. The dreams are hard, and my journey brought enough stress to make my hair gray. Mona wondered how I can wake up and act like nothing is wrong. The answer to the question is in front of me. All the past castles, all the delinquent talk and all these dreams meant nothing when every day I woke up to this. A family filled with love, several friends I could ring up at any time and most of all, a bright future. A future stolen when it seemed impossible, a miraculous second chance at life. Having all of this, how could I not wake up every day the happiest man alive?

As I write now, this new entry in my life. I am reminded how much I miss this feeling. I should have appreciated it more.