Kylo didn't sleep the entire time while Rey was in the operating room. He just went to his training room and broke everything in sight. That's what he was good at-breaking everything close to him. He was blinded by rage. He wished he could rage against someone else. He wished he could have planned this long and sadistic revenge plan on whoever did this to her. But he couldn't because it was all his fault.
His com rang and his heart stopped. He instantly picked it up, ready for the words "She's dead: the child's dead".
"Supreme Leader Ren," The medic from before said into the commlink. "The baby has been delivered."
"Are they alive?"
"Barely, but both are fighting. The infant is 3 pounds and 2 ounces but is breathing."
"And the mother?"
"She's hooked up to a lot of different machines but she's alive. She's incredibly weak. I have my best medics looking after her. I have to get back to work but I wanted you to know that they're both alive."
The tightness in his chest didn't completely disappear but it loosened. They were alive. They were alive and fighting. Their blood wasn't on his hands. At least not yet.
"Thank you." he said into the mic.
The medic was silent, shocked to have heard a thank you from the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.
"You're welcome." She said, hanging up the commlink.
…
He couldn't bring himself to visit them. The medic had told him that the two of them were covered in wires with dozens of machines attached to them. He couldn't see his powerful Rey hooked up like that. At least not without completely breaking down. And when he broke down, things tended to get destroyed.
The days blurred together. He wasn't sure how many days it had been since this all started. His mind was numb. The rage was numbing. All he could manage to do was repeatedly hit his saber on random objects in whatever room he ended up in.
His comlink buzzed.
Panting, he picked it up and answered.
"What is it?" He snapped.
"It's the jedi girl…" The medic started.
"What about her?" He cut her off.
"She's waking up. We're thinking she'll be awake by the end of the rotation."
"I'll be right up."
His instincts told him to rush to her side and ensure that he was the first thing she saw when she woke up. But he was probably the last person she wanted to see after all that he did. He got into the shower and tried to process his thoughts. What would he say to her? What could he say to her… He had almost killed her. It's still possible that he had killed her child. What could he possibly say or do to make that ok? There was nothing he could do.
When he felt presentable, he went up to the medbay to wait by her side.
…
Every part of Rey's body felt either numb or in agony. It was a weird feeling that just made Rey want to sleep it off. She probably would have had she not felt the familiar presence of Kylo Ren sitting across from her, his face slumped into his hands.
"B-Ben?"
His eyes darted up at her.
"Rey?" His voice cracked as he leapt to his feet and came to her side.
"Hmm…" Rey's head slumped to one side.
She felt Kylo's fingers brush her cheek.
"What...what happened?" She managed to get out.
"Don't worry." He tried to assure her but she could fear the franticness in his voice. "Everything will be fine."
"What's these...wires for?"
"What do you remember?"
"I remember falling...and then pain...and then...oh force."
Her hand went to her stomach. She couldn't feel him. Whatever shred of stability she had was gone.
"Kylo! What happened?" She managed to get out through her tears.
"Calm down, it's ok." He grabbed her shoulders and gently pushed her back down. "I promise everything is alright."
She was still in hysterics as he continued to talk.
"It's ok." Kylo tried again, rubbing her arms with his fingers. "I promise it's ok. Your fall caused you to go into an early labor. Your child's alive. I promise. The best medics are looking over him."
"He can't be alright!" she screamed frantically. "It was too soon! Let me see him!"
"Calm down. It's alright." Kylo said again.
It took several minutes for Kylo to calm her down and even if didn't succeed. The medic had to come in and assist, walking Rey through some breathing exercises to steady herself.
"So he's alright?" Rey finally managed a sentence that wasn't screaming or unintelligible words.
"Yes," The medic assured her, "He will have to be monitored for several weeks, probably a few months. But he will be ok. We are giving him the best care in the galaxy and I have seen worse. I promise."
"Will I be able to hold him?" Rey asked.
"Not at this moment, miss." The medic said her voice full of sympathy. "I will let you know as soon as you can."
Rey gave a slight nod.
"Any other questions?" The medic asked.
"How long will I be here?" Rey asked, "In the medbay I mean."
"I'm not sure." The medic said. "At the very least two to three weeks. And while I don't think your going to do this, no sex until I say it's ok. And to a lesser extent, I wouldn't recommend trying for another child any time soon."
She gave another small nod.
"Any other questions?" The medic asked.
She shook her head.
"I'll leave you two alone. Press that button if you need anything ok? Even the slightest pain or discomfort."
She gave another slight nod.
The medic left the two of them alone. Under any other circumstance, letting the person who put her in the medbay be left alone with their victim would be a bad decision. But no one tended to question Kylo no matter what he did.
"Rey." Kylo whispered her name.
She didn't even blink at him.
"Rey?"
Her eyes glanced towards him for a moment before returning to her blank stare.
"I'm sorry." Kylo said, his voice low. "I didn't know you were expecting a child. I should have known. I should have figured it out. I'm so sorry."
No response.
"Say something." Kylo teetered on snapping, but he had already promised himself that he wouldn't raise his voice as her no matter what.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Anything."
"I'm tired. Everything hurts."
"I can get the medic."
"I'll be fine."
"Rey...I'm sorry."
"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you?"
"No. There's no being forgiven for something like that…"
"You're wondering who the father is, aren't you?"
"No." He said, instantly. "I don't want to know. I don't care."
"That's a lie." Rey called him out. "You're obsessed with bloodlines and legacies. You want him to be your son."
"No. No I don't." Kylo cut her off. "I'd rather it be the son of that bastard pilot my mother is so fond of than my own flesh and blood."
"You don't want the blood of your child on your hands so you'll just lie to yourself that he isn't?"
"I told you," Kylo took a deep breath, "I don't want to know."
"Well sorry but I'm not really in the mood to spare your feelings," Rey snapped. "He's your son. You have to deal with that now."
Kylo let out a sigh as his worst fears came into reality.
"I'm kinda insulted that you thought I would sleep with someone else." Rey said bitterly.
"It's not like we were officially together." Kylo said, stupidly, "If there's one thing I've learned about you it's that I can't control a single thing you do."
"Says the man who hunted me down like a wild animal and nearly killed me."
"I wish I could take it back."
"Then let me go."
Kylo was silent.
"Just as I figured." Rey said, longing to fold her arms but she was afraid to move them with all the wires sticking out of her hands and arms. "Even after all of that, I'm still your prisoner."
"I can't let you go." Kylo once again tried to explain this point that at this point had been drilled into the ground. "You and your baby are weak. You can't expect me to just let you leave."
"But once we're healed?" Rey said, knowingly, "The answer would still be no. What's your plan Kylo? Hm? Keep us as prisoners and hoping that one day we'll join your side?"
"I don't want you on the dark side." Kylo said, unable to look at her. "I never wanted you on the darkside. I just-I just want you to be by my side. We're a dyad. It's our destiny."
"Don't you think I know that?"
She was crying now. He hated watching her cry. He just wanted to put his arm around her but he knew that would make things worse.
"I know we're supposed to be together." Rey whimpered. "I know it every time I look at you. Every time I took your hand...Every time we-we made love...it felt like I was where I belonged. But it's hard to look at the person you're destined to be with and see the blood on their hands. And I know what you've been through-I know that like me, you didn't have a choice in a lot of it. I thought I could forgive. I really thought I could. But then…"
Her voice was cracking so much that he had a hard time understanding what she was trying to say.
"Rey…" Kylo said her name so soft that she barely heard it. "I'll make you a deal."
"What sort of deal?"
"I'll let you go," Kylo chose his next few words carefully, "If you promise not to run until your son is healthy. And if you don't go back to the resistance."
"Then what's the point of being free?"
"You can have the chance to raise your son away from war." Kylo reasoned. "I'd take care of all your needs-I just don't want him raised in violence."
"You don't want him raised by the Resistance. You'd be fine if he was in the First Order."
"Rey, if I could, I would leave the First Order in a heartbeat and join you in the outer rim to raise a family. But if I leave, the Galaxy will fall apart. A power vacuum will be created and the Resistance isn't powerful enough to take control."
Rey was quiet as she thought over his words.
"I'll stay until he's healthy." Rey said, not looking at him. "What happens after? I'm not sure."
"Just focus on getting well, love."
"Don't call me that. I'm not ready for you to call me that."
"I understand. Have you thought of a name for him?"
"No. I hadn't decided. I wanted to hold him first."
"I'm sorry that you can't. You will soon. I promise."
"Do you want to hold him?"
"After you do...maybe once he's older. Afraid I'll break him."
She gave a weak laugh but her sad eyes quickly returned.
"Get some rest, Rey." Kylo whispered.
"Hm."
Within a few minutes, Rey was fast asleep once more leaving Kylo alone and longing for her more than anything else in the galaxy.