3 years later

Billy was sitting at the breakfast counter doing some colouring, he was waiting patiently for his breakfast. It was then that Jamie came through the door, Steve was chasing after her, his mum wasn't far behind.

"Morning kiddo. I'll make you some pancakes in a min. Uncle Steve was having trouble with Jamie."

He got down off the stool, Jamie ran to him. They were as close as siblings could be. He scooped her up in his little arms. "Billy!" the little girl began to wriggle and shake her half plaited hair.

Steve tied the end of the plait and took Jamie from her brother and placed her in her high chair. He ruffled Billy's hair. "Thanks little man. Are you helping me today?"

"What are we doing?"

"I thought we could maybe take your mum's soup down to the centre. You could help?"

"Yes please."

Emily smiled at them as she started making breakfast. Nat came in a few minutes later and joined them. They were the oddest little family anyone could see. Emily placed pancakes, bacon, eggs and maple syrup down and everyone started grabbing some. Emily made Jamie a small plate up. Emily finally got hers, she poured herself a coffee. Billy pushed the picture towards her, it was her, him, Jamie and Bucky. He remembered little bits of him, he would ask about his dad every now again, but she still didn't know how to explain to a 5 year old what had happened that day. She still didn't really understand how one being could get rid of 50% of the population.

He gave her a smile and she kissed his little forehead. She pinned the picture on the fridge, it was full of pictures from both him and Jamie. Emily got to work loading the dishwasher and she made Billy a snack to take with him and Steve. She placed the soup on the counter along with some fresh bread, she had loads of paperwork to catch up on, Nat was great at organising everyone, but the paperwork, well Emily was pretty good, at cutting through a lot of the red tape. Her powers did help with that a bit, but raising two toddlers had given her most of her diplomatic skills.

Steve appeared in the kitchen, Jamie was still in her high chair, she put her arms out as he came by, he picked her up and she flung her arms around his neck.

"I think she might be in love with you."

"I love her too. She is the cutest little thing."

"She is a little terror, she shredded some paperwork for the Pentagon yesterday."

Steve laughed, he knew Jamie was a handful, Billy was pretty calm, he liked to help. Jamie was wild at times, she could run them all ragged, she was so much like Bucky that way. He had been the same when they were young.

"It's not funny. I have to redo all that today, as well as a call with some diplomats from, I have no idea where. I also need to do a food shop."

"Have you got a list for the shopping, I could pick it up on my way back."

"Now that would be amazing, thank you." Emily kissed his cheek and took Jamie off him. Billy ran over and she knelt down and kissed him. "Be good for Uncle Steve ok. Do everything he tells you."

"I promise mum."

"Good boy. How about mac and cheese for dinner?"

"Yes! With bacon and hotdogs?"

"If that's what you want."

He carried the bread while Steve carried the soup. Emily took Jamie off to the offices, she ran off and started playing with some toys. Emily managed to get the calls out of the way while she was quiet. As lunch time approached, Emily took her back to the kitchen and made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she made one of Nat too. Who appeared out of nowhere. Emily pushed the sandwich towards her.

"Thank you."

"Your welcome. Steve offered to get the shopping while he was out. I have to redo that paperwork, that little miss here shredded yesterday."

"You need a night off."

"I'm a single mum, I don't get a night off."

Nat gave her a look, she had been trying to get Emily to start enjoying life for a while now. She had told her a few months back, that maybe it was time to move on. They hadn't found any sort of way to bring Bucky back, but letting go seemed wrong. If he'd died and they had buried him, grieved, progressed his lost, then maybe she could at least think about moving on, but how do you get over someone just disappearing before your eyes.

Nat noticed the look on her face, she reached across and took her hand. "He wouldn't want you to waste away. You deserve to be happy."

Emily smiled at her, she knew that Nat was right, Bucky wouldn't want her to live a half life after everything they had been through. "Fine, I'll go out for a few drinks. As long as Steve doesn't mind looking after the kids."

"I'm going to go pick you a dress out." Nat said with a huge smile on her face.

"Nat, please don't…." Emily started saying but Nat had already left. Emily shook her head and carried on. She took Jamie back with her and put her down on the cot bed in her office, where Jamie had a nap.

….

Emily was in the kitchen when Steve and Billy came home. Billy climbed up on a stool and sat down, Jamie reached out for Steve to take her out of her highchair. He put the shopping bags down, having a super soldier in the house meant that he could carry most of the shopping in one go. He picked Jamie up, who planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey, did you both have a good day?"

"Yer mum. A lot of people just went away like daddy."

Emily looked at him, she didn't really know what to say. "I know baby."

"A lady told me we were lucky we have Uncle Steve to look after us."

"Yes we are lucky. Him and aunty Nat." When Emily looked up, she saw Steve dancing about with Jamie in his arms. She was laughing and giggling. Emily put the shopping away and made a start on dinner. Nat appeared in the kitchen just as she was dishing it up. Everyone was sitting down at the breakfast bar. Emily placed a bowl of salad down in the middle, to go with the mac and cheese she had promised Billy. He smiled up at her.

"Thanks mum."

She kissed the top of his head and took a seat next to him.

Nat then spoke up. "So, Steve you up for babysitting these two tonight?"

"Anytime, but why? What are you two doing?"

"This one has agreed to go out. So I've picked a dress out for her, and I'm gonna do her hair and make up and for one night only, she's not gonna be a mum."

Steve looked over at Emily, she hadn't spoken, but he was happy she was getting out. He hated the world without Bucky in it, to see his kids grow up without him. It was hard to watch his wife be a fantastic mother to those kids all alone, but he had agreed with Nat Emily needed a night off and maybe it was time to move on. They all had to move on, but doing it was easier said than done.

Emily was getting out of the shower when Nat came into her room. She hung a dress on the back of the door. It looked very short, and very figure hugging. Emily gave her a look.

"Hey, you are a beautiful woman, time to show off that body. You live in mum clothes."

Emily just nodded. "Right, do your hair, get into that dress and i will be back to do your makeup."

After kissing the children goodnight she made her way to the living area, pulling at the hem of the dress, she had slipped a denim jacket on. As she walked in Nat turned to look at her.

"You look amazing. Steve, tell her she looks amazing."

Steve turns to face her, she did look amazing, so beautiful. "She's right. You look beautiful."

"Thank you, I think. Are you sure it's not too short? I mean I am a mum."

Nat pulled a face at her and handed her a cocktail. "Drink this and then we're going. You look fine. You may be a mum, but you are also a woman."

Emily nearly down the cocktail, dutch courage and all that. They hit a bar and Nat grabbed them some more cocktails, Emily noticed people looking. It made her feel a little uncomfortable. They found a table and sat down, Emily laid her jacket on the back of the chair. Her and Nat chatted and she found herself actually laughing, having fun. As the drinks flowed she wasn't so bothered by the stares. Finally Nat took her hand and dragged her up to dance. Nat was naturally at this sort of thing, Emily just copied her moves. Suddenly she felt hands on her hips, someone was pushing up against her, Nat noticed her face, it was a mixture of fear and anger. Shit. Emily had the guy on his back before anyone could speak. She may not go out into the field anymore, but she had kept up with her training and regularly kicked Steve's arse across the gym.

Nat helped the guy up, and apologised to the bar staff. As the fresh air hit them outside and Emily realised how drunk she was, they managed to get a cab back to the compound. They were not quiet when they walked into the living room. Emily nearly punched Steve when he jumped up off the couch at all the noise they were making. Emily fell onto the couch next to him.

"I'm going to bed, I have a phone call with some navy dude in the morning." said Nat.

Emily felt the room spinning, she lent her head onto Steve's shoulder for a second, then lent forward and tried to undo her shoes, however she lost her balance and fell onto the floor. She started laughing. Steve got up and pulled her up onto her feet and watched as her balance went again and she fell into Steve pushing them both onto the couch. She was laid on top of him. Emily had no idea of what came over her in that moment, but she kissed Steve, she pulled back just as quickly.

As she sat up Steve sat up with her, she was still sitting in his lap. Steve moved a loose hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him again. Steve lost himself in the moment, he wrapped his arms round her waist and kissed her back, hard. Emily started pulling at his top, she got it over his head. Steve moaned at the feel of her cool fingers on his chest and ran his hands up her sides looking for the zip of her dress before pulling at it slowly. Emily helped him get the tight fabric over her head. Steve looked her over, he pulled her down and kissed her again. Emily stood up and took his hand, she led him to her room and shut the door behind them , she looked at the man standing in front of her, he was good, kind and he looked after her and the kids. She walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Steve scooped her up and carried her to the bed, he laid her on the bed and started running his hand slowly along her body, Emily pushed him so she was straddling him. Emily sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes, as she did she spotted the picture of her and Bucky next to her bed. It was a snapshot someone had taken at their wedding. She put her hands on Steve's chest. He could see in her face she was getting upset. He reached up and put her hand on his face.

"It's ok."

Emily flopped down next to him leaning against the headboard and pulled the sheet up over her as best she could while he was still laying on top of it. Steve sat up and pulled her close, he knew this was hard for her, she missed Bucky so much, he did too. Helping Emily with the kids, helped him feel closer to Bucky.

"I'm so sorry Steve. I like you alot, and in some ways I love you. But I saw our wedding picture and all I could think about was what if he came back, and found out we'd moved on. I'd moved on, with his best friend. It would ruin our relationship and your friendship, and I can't do that. I know I should move on, I should try and build a new life, but when I try I just think about him and the what if's."

Steve understood, he felt the same. He did love her, but not that way she and Bucky had loved each other. "Emily, I understand. You and Bucky, you are the love of each other's lives. Letting that go is never easy. Plus you have Billy and Jamie. Billy is the spitting image of Bucky as a kid and Jamie has his attitude." He said with a sad smile. Steve felt her start to cry. In the 3 years since the Blip, he'd never truly seen her break down, she had been the strong one, she had kept it together for the kids.

Emily turned in his arms. "When you were dancing with Jamie this afternoon, all i could think is, she'll never get to do that with Bucky. She'll never know how much he wanted her, we talked about having more kids. She'll never know the man he was. Her father won't get to walk her down the aisle." She began to hiccup. "Billy can remember bits of Bucky, but as he grows older, I'm worried those memories will fade. What if no one remembers him? Once that happens he will truly be gone."

Steve kissed her forehead. "We will remember him. Me and you. No one can take him from us. We can keep him alive for the kids. I will always be here for you and the kids."

"Thank you."

Steve gets up to leave, Emily grabs his hand. She stood up, and threw his t-shirt at him and pulled on a t-shirt of her own. "Stay, please. I don't wanna be alone."

Steve woke the following morning, he felt the bed and realised he was alone. He sat up and looked round. The drawers were opening, clothes were missing, he looked on the nightstand and saw the picture of Emily and Bucky had gone, he jumped up then, he sprinted to the kids rooms, they were empty too, as he ran to the kitchen he saw Nat sat at the breakfast bar. She held a piece of paper in her hand, she slid a second envelope over to Steve, his name was on the front of it in Emily's handwriting. He opened it.

"Steve,

I'm sorry to just run out on you both. You and Nat are my best friends, my family. I don't know how I would have got through the last 3 years without you, either of you.

I love you both so much. There lies the problem. Nat keeps telling me that maybe it's time to move on, maybe I should. But how do you forget the love of your life, the person that brought you to life. Bucky gave me a reason to go on and move on from everything that Hydra did to me.

Last night you were a true gentleman. In that again lies another problem, if I were to stay I would find it really easy to just fall into something with you, because you would look after me and the kids, and I know you love me and the kids and feel some sort of loyalty and obligation to us because of Bucky. Going down that road is unfair to both of us.

I'll keep in touch, and I promise I won't be gone forever, I just need to clear my head, the compound holds so many memories for me, maybe a break from it will give me the perspective I need.

All my love Emily xxx"

Steve looked up at Nat, she had been crying. "She will come back. She loves us."

"I know Steve. We really do need to find a way to bring him back."

"I know."

Emily had been on the road an hour or so, she stopped to get the kids some snacks and fill the truck up with fuel. It was just after 8 when she arrived at Tony and Peppers cabin. Billy held her hand and she carried Jamie to the door, she knocked and it was Tony that answered. He looked shocked to see her.

"Tony Stark up before 10am, the world must be going crazy."

Tony didn't speak, he just pulled her into a hug. It was then his daughter Morgan ran over. She was about 6 months younger than Jamie. Emily placed Jamie down, the two girls joined hands and ran off into the house.

"Do you mind if we stay with you for a while?"

"You are always welcome."

Tony stepped out of the way and Emily and Billy entered the house. Pepper appeared out of the kitchen, she gave Emily a big hug. They made small talk, chatted about the kids and a few other things. Emily was sitting outside watching the three kids play together, Billy was very protective over both girls, he was currently saving them from some sort of bug. Tony watched her for a moment as she sipped her ice tea, she looked lost, she really was the strongest person he knew yet at this moment she seemed so alone. He had no idea how she had managed to raise those kids all by herself, but she had, she had been strong for them.

"What happened?" He asked, going to sit in the seat opposite her.

"I got drunk and I may have made out with Steve."

"Good old Cap, finally getting some." Emily pulled a face at him. "I'm sorry. So you made out with Cap and now you're on my doorstep. Was he that bad?"

Emily pulled another face at him, but Tony noticed the smile underneath it. "Actually he was quite good, but I'm still not ready to move on."

"I get it. I can't imagine everything you've been through. Plus you've got those two mini avengers to look after. Billy is clearly ready to start training. What is he protecting them from?" He asked, smiling as he watched the three play.

"Some sort of bug."

"Well you guys are welcome here as long as you need."

"Thank you Tony, for everything." Emily lent forward and kissed his cheek.

…end of chapter 9