One life

by Nessa Yavetil

When you are a powerful mage who reincarnates after every death, you learn to come to terms with love and loss. You learn to enjoy things while they last. But, what happens when you fall for someone who makes you believe you could change your destiny? (Sequel to "Do you remember love?" READ THAT ONE FIRST!)

3. Wish

3. Wish

---

It was the sweetness of your skin
It was the hope of all we might have been
That fills me with the hope to wish impossible things.

But now the sun shines cold and all the sky is grey
The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears
And all i wish is gone away.

(The Cure - To Wish Impossible Things)

---

…

Alright then, where were we?

Oh, yes. It was the night when everything changed.

You see, there have been arguably several moments in which I could consider things were heading somewhere… different. The day I came back to Japan and found her singing at that bar, and the insane night that followed. The afternoon that storm broke down, and she appeared in my music room, dripping rain and doubts all over my carpeted floors. The night after that, when her doubts disappeared and she followed me to my bedroom and things kind of... exploded between us. Or the night after that, when she came back to my house in utter distress, and threw herself into my arms after putting Sakura on a plane.

All of those had been intense, significant occasions, yes, all had contributed to shaping a path where for moments I could already glimpse (even if somewhat darkly), that there was something building up, something... else. Something that could lead my life in a completely different, unexpected direction.

But it wasn't until then, after that moment of sudden, lucid awareness in that small bridge at King's Penguin park, that I knew for sure.

It was one of those rare moments you have maybe once, twice in a lifetime; when the mist that surrounds your every action suddenly clears up and the path you were blindly following appears in front of you, visible and crystal-clear, and you realize, without any room for doubt, that if you keep walking in that direction, your life, your destiny and even everything you think you are, will be changed forever.

And for a moment, as worn and jaded as I was off almost everything, this seemed like something good; a refreshing, welcome change, something I could easily embrace.

But, now… as I walk through the streets towards the place where she is, with my hands inside the pockets of my coat and a feeling of hopefulness in my chest, a flash appears in my head, and suddenly, I remember the rest of the dream I had the other night. The part I've forgotten, after seeing that face in my mirror.

And I freeze.

...

"Y-you?" I exclaimed, blinking, torn between bewilderment and horror. "How- how is this possible? What are you doing here?"

The woman from the mirror narrowed her eyes.

"Is this how you greet me, Clow... after all this time?" she said, with a smirk that looked somewhat bitter. "Looks like you haven't changed at all. Of course, there's no need to answer your silly questions. You know very well why I'm here."

"No... this... this is impossible! Am I still dreaming?"

"Of course you are, but... does that make this any less real?" she said. "You shouldn't look so surprised. After all... it was you who came back to me."

"What…? No, I didn't! You... need to go. I can't deal with this now. Not yet. I'm not ready."

"You're scared. That's understandable. But, you are ready, Clow. Why, if not, would you have returned to my house? And to live in it, nonetheless."

"That's… that's none of your concern. I'm a different person now... I have different reasons. I'm not the Clow you knew anymore. My name is Eriol Hiiragizawa, this is my house now, and I can come if I want, and live here if I choose to. Your... arrangement was with Clow, not me. Both of you are gone now... so, your deal means nothing. Leave me alone."

She just snorted.

"You always have to make things difficult... don't you, Clow? It's because of the girl... isn't it? Yes... of course I know about her. You think I would fail to notice her, in my house, sleeping on my own very bed? By the way, bringing her here… that was distasteful, even for you, Clow."

I felt my blood freezing as I heard her say this.

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with you, nor Clow, nor whatever deal you made in a past life. She's just some girl I'm seeing... she means nothing."

"Is that so?" she said, narrowing her eyes. "Then... how did she find the house? After you two left, and you came back alone... how did she find her way back?"

I just stared at her, speechless.

"What-? How do you...?"

Suddenly, I felt anger overcoming me. An anger like I haven't experienced in a very, very long time, and that was very hard to keep under control.

"Were you... were you watching me this whole time? How dare you! How dare you intrude in my life like that, and tell me what to do, and who should I let into my house, or into my bed?" I said, almost trembling from the rage. "Who do you think you are? You don't even know me! You may have known my former self, but I'm not him anymore! This is my life, and you don't have a say in it! You don't get to threaten me, or the girl I...!"

I stopped then. The eyes in the mirror looked saddened, even if only for a moment.

"No, Clow... you misunderstand. I'm not here to threaten you, nor the girl. Honestly, I can't care less about her. The only real threat for her... is you. You know it, right? As you also know that this life isn't really yours... even if you try to forget the truth behind this different name and different face. You know who and what you really are, and the pact we made, and you know not being around in the same form anymore doesn't release any of us from it. Things were set in motion since before you were born... they can't be stopped now. You know this. And you came back to Japan because of it. You can keep playing your 'normal life' game for a little longer if you want to, but it will crumble down... you know it, don't you? It's almost time, Clow. You can't erase what you've done, nor its consequences. A circle can only close... those were your own words. And now that she's already here... things are falling into place. You'll better relax and make your peace with it... because she already plays a part in this."

"What? What do you m-?"

"I mean, open your eyes. You've known what she was all along. Why you refused to acknowledge it sooner is beyond me, but you see it now, don't you? She's the one you've been looking for, all these years. She's the one who can do the one thing you can't... and which you want the most." Her reddish, almost cruel eyes pierced through me as she spoke. "She's the one that will kill you."

My words got strangled in my throat and my eyes just flew open in horror as her words sank in. Because in that same moment I realized... it could actually be true.

"What-? No... no, this can't be. It's madness! Why would she-? She's not... She's just a harmless mortal girl. Look, I don't know everything you've plotted with Clow, because you two made sure I remembered the bare minimum, but I know one thing, and it's that I won't have it. Do you hear me? I won't have it! You stay out of my life. I won't let you take away whatever happiness I've found. I won't be forced to give her up, just like I did with everyone else! I won't!"

"You do remember what happened to everyone else, right? The ones you love… especially the ones you won't give up... they never end up well, do they?" she said, sadly. I just stared at her, trembling in anger but unable to say a word. "You need to accept it already, Clow. There's darkness in you… that no mortal can deal with. Even I, with all my powers..." she sighs. "You know it corrupts people's fates. It destroys everything it touches. She won't be the exception."

Shivering, I remembered the dream, her vacant eyes, the door, and the darkness that came out of it and devoured her. I sighed, defeated.

"That darkness you speak of… it's not mine. I can't keep carrying with it. It doesn't belong to me."

"Doesn't it? Then, where do your powers come from?"

I just stared at her, unable to answer.

"Don't worry, Clow... none of this matters anymore. It's almost time; the circle is about to close. It pains me to see you suffer… but soon your wish will be granted, and you'll find peace. There's only one thing to be dealt with… and it's the price. Every wish requires equal payment; the universe needs balance, and your wish is a great one. The price will be huge."

"Please..." I said, this time in an almost begging tone. "I'll pay any price for you to leave her out of this."

"Sorry... that I can't do. Like it or not, she's already a part of this, and that's something no one can change, not you, not even me. Don't worry, Clow... the price will be paid when the time is right. Sit back now, and enjoy the ride. I'll be watching out for you. But don't forget: even if she's the executing hand, I'm the one behind it. I'm the one who made it happen. I'm the one granting your wish. Don't you ever forget that."

That's the last thing I recall before waking up. Those words, her red, smiling lips, and two red eyes. Catlike eyes.

But those eyes were not smiling.

...

So here I am now, paralyzed, standing in the middle of the street, with my hands inside the pockets of my coat and a smile that has frozen on my face.

What am I supposed to do?

What the fuck was all that? A dream? A nightmare?

My destiny?

It's the moment of choice. Because the path is clear before my eyes, for the first time ever, and I can see exactly where it will take me: it leads to my wish, that wish I've spent ages yearning for and waiting to see granted. And right after the awareness, comes the fear. Because I know what my wish was. And even though I've searched for its fulfillment for almost an eternity, and thought myself willing and ready to face it and embrace all its consequences… now, for the first time ever… the thought of going through it terrifies me.

Because... it's her, dammit.

She's the path, the one and only path I've ever found that could take me to my long-awaited destiny. Even though I still don't quite understand how or why, I understand that my entire journey through all of those lives had a purpose; and it was to take me here, to this night, to this place, and make this choice.

But then again, is there even a choice to be made? Is that choice even possible? Is there any other path to be followed?

Isn't all that happened to us... just hitzusen?

If I go to her tonight, if I get to see her again, will that fate be sealed? Will I be able to not fall for her? And if I fall, how will I be able then to get out of this path?

I realize that tonight is the night when things would change. One way or the other, I would have to make a choice. And that choice will affect not only my destiny; but hers too.

Because it's her, for fuck's sake.

It's crystal clear now, and I hate it. Every little thing has been pointing at it since the beginning; her smile, her dream, her scent, her laughter, the things she said to me and the way she looked at me and teased me and… even that veiled darkness she secretly has that only I have been able to witness. But especially her eyes. There's not one thing about her that hasn't been screaming it at me from the very start. And yet, I chose not to see. I chose to fool myself into thinking that she was just another mortal girl I liked, and now…

How can I keep walking this path, knowing where it would take us?

And how could I not, knowing what I will miss out on if I let this chance go away?

The thought of losing her just now, so quickly, just when I've found her, is unbearable; and yet I know without any room for doubt that no matter what I choose, that is doomed to happen, one way or the other. But if I choose to accept my fate, and let her be dragged into my unspeakable destiny... it will happen in the most horrible way.

And if I resist it...?

I don't even want to think about the consequences that could have. But... there doesn't seem to be any other choice. If there's anything I could do to spare her from that fate, now is the moment to do it. I know this, as crystal-clear as I know I'm breathing. There won't be any other chance.

I don't know exactly when or how, but at some point, I realize that I've made my choice, because I'm walking again.

Towards her.

I know what I have to do; I know it damn well. But she's waiting for me, and I don't have the heart to turn her down right now. I need, at least, one last chance to see her, one last chance to say goodbye to her. If I'm going to give her up for good, I deserve at least that much, dammit.

So, I find a compromise solution. I will give her, and myself, this night. It would be the last one. And I will make sure it'll be unforgettable.

At least for me.

Because when it's over, I will make her forget everything about it, and about me, for good.

She'll have a normal life, a happy life. She'll never be the instrument of an ancient pact or a bloody, twisted wish. She will meet someone else, fall in love, fall out of love, find some happiness, cry some tears, do some things… and eventually die. She will have a life... just like everyone else.

And I… I'll probably never forget her. I'll learn to live with it, though, like I've learned to live with everything else. Because, despite what I want to believe, I know my dreams always come true. There are things I just can't run away from, and I simply can't allow her to become part of that. Even if it's the only chance to end my miserable existence for good, she should not be punished for my sins, she should not have to carry with such a burden. As long as I could do anything to prevent it, she will never taint herself with blood. Even if it means to keep living, alone, for an eternity. Even if it means breaking that pact Clow made, and seeing every last trace of hope disappear. I don't care.

Because, fuck Clow Reed, dammit.

I'm fucking Eriol Hiiragizawa now, and I'm going to do things my own way. And even if I have to pay for it with an eternity of regret, I'm going to give ourselves this one last night.

I'm going to have a freaking date with this woman.

...

As soon as I open the door, I see her, just where I knew she would be: sitting at the same table in the same dirty little dive where I found her the first time, two weeks ago.

Yet she looks so different from that night now, that it's hard to believe they are the same person; that depressed girl I found here on the verge of self-destruction, and the radiant, breathtaking woman I have in front of my eyes. She's wearing again some black, somewhat revealing clothes that tighten in all the right places (no complaints here), but that's where all the similarities end, because now there's a smile on her red-painted lips, and it turns so big and bright when she sees me, it makes her shine like a diamond among the crowd. She waves at me, and I approach her, and despite the gloominess of my recent thoughts, I can feel a smile painting all over my face as well as I notice the eyes of many guys at the bar stabbing me like knives, and know they're hating my guts a little for being the lucky bastard she happened to be waiting for. And I know that compared to what just happened, this is really petty and mean-spirited and all... but boy, does it feel good.

"Finally," she says, looking at me cheerfully as I stand in front of her. "I've been waiting forever; I was starting to think you wouldn't come. People are looking at me funny... one or two guys even tried to sit here, but I managed to send them on their way. I don't know how much longer I could have stayed."

"Why?" I say, looking around as I sit next to her. "Was anyone rude to you?"

"No, but... it's uncomfortable when people stare at you like that," she says, a bit embarrassed. "I was about to give up the table."

"Give up... the table?" I say, an eyebrow raised. "Wait... you think people were looking at you, and guys tried to sit here because they all want this greasy little table? Seriously?"

She suddenly seems to understand, and blushes furiously, as I start laughing out loud.

"Oh, this is priceless."

"Well, excuse me!" she says. "What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know... maybe the obvious reason? That they looked at you and wanted to sit here because you're so damn hot?" I say, unable to stop laughing. "Oh, come on. You don't get to play the blushing schoolgirl on me anymore. I know you're not this naive."

The red on her cheeks intensifies.

"Don't you laugh at me! Great... now I feel like an idiot," she says, between annoyed and utterly embarrassed. "Look, it's not that I'm naive, it's just... I'm not used to being noticed like that. I don't know what to make of it. Did you forget who I was all my life? I was the one behind the camera... the one in the backstage, doing the wardrobe... not the one people looked at. That was always someone else. What I know... is how to be invisible."

"Is that so?" I say, smiling. "Or is that just a story you told yourself to justify hiding behind your camera? Because people are looking at you, and not because they want your dirty table. They look at you because you're glowing, dear. You're most certainly not invisible."

Her cheeks turn into a furious crimson shade, but there's a tiny, somewhat pleasured smile on her face, that makes her look even more adorable. I look at her, at the way she is now, all dressed up and pretty, and the way she's acting... She seems so different from that girl who chose to live in the shadow of her best friend; who dedicated her life and talent to make others shine and never claimed for any attention for herself. Right now, she looks as if she was finally done with that, and was ready to step out of the shadows -even if it was a hesitant step-, and let the lights shine on her a little.

And they undoubtedly suit her.

"Anyway..." she says. "I'm glad you finally made it. What took you so long?"

"Well, excuse me," I say, a bit indignant. "I think I got here soon enough, considering I was all the way across town, and also, I had no freaking idea I was supposed to meet you here."

She chuckles.

"Okay, okay, I won't complain. I'm just glad we can finally get started."

"Sure," I say, somewhat amused. "Get started with what?"

"Well... you know..." she says, smiling and blushing a little. "Our... date?"

I just stare at her blankly for a moment.

"Date?"

She looks at me, confused.

"Yeah... you did ask me on a date two days ago... remember?"

Oh, I'm going to have fun with this one.

"Yes, I remember... but you never really gave me an answer."

"Well..." she says, with a strange spark in her eyes. "This is it?"

"Is it, though?" I say, unable to stop the grin from forming on my lips. "I don't know. You made such a fuss then about me having to ask you properly, just to leave me hanging when I did... I have feelings, you know. So, nope... I think you'll have to do much better than this."

She stares at me in disbelief.

"Really?" she says, rolling her eyes. "Are we really going to do this?"

"Oh yeah... I think we are," I say, unable to stop grinning.

"Alright," she snorts. "Eriol Hiiragizawa... will you go on a date with me? There, I said it. Are you satisfied?"

I chuckle.

"Less sarcasm would have been nice, but... I'll take it."

"Can we move on, then?"

I smile, ensconced in my chair -deliberately slowly-, and stare at her thoughtfully for some time.

"I still haven't said yes."

She just stares at me for a moment, a mixture of amusement and disbelief in her eyes.

"You're really enjoying this... aren't you?"

"I really am," I say. "And I would torture you some more, but seeing you went through all the trouble of showing up here, all dressed up and pretty, and waited for me... I guess I should give you some credit for that. So, okay... I accept your invitation."

She smiles.

"Good choice."

"Then it's official," I say. "Our first date. Nervous?"

"No. Well... maybe a little," she says, being surprisingly honest as her cheeks show a tiny shade of pink. "I guess this might be my first date... ever."

"Really?" I say, a bit surprised. Of course, I know she had almost no previous romantic experience because of Sakura, but it's still a bit of a shocker... not even a date? God, this girl really has neglected herself for the most part of her life. "Now I feel bad that we did all that other stuff before we even had one lousy date."

"No, you don't," she says, looking somewhat amused.

"But... I kinda do," I say, laughing a little. "It's like everything happened backwards. That's okay with me... but you deserved better."

She laughs.

"I'm fine with it. But, how about you?" she says, and this time she's the one teasing me. "Are you nervous?"

"More than I'd like to admit," I say, and I realize I'm being honest too. "I mean, this isn't my first date ever, but... this one is very important for me. I really don't want to screw it up."

Of course, she can't know to what extent I actually mean that.

"Don't worry," she says, smiling. "I mean, you can't possibly be more of a pain in the ass than you've just been, can you? And surprisingly, I still want to be here."

I laugh.

"Don't underestimate me... I could be much worse. You have no idea of how annoying I can get if I really put my heart to it," I say. "But I'll try not to, I promise. Now... can we please discuss for a moment how this 'date' actually came to happen? Because as far as I know, people usually agree on a place and time before the thing actually takes place... not after. And yet, here we are. You were expecting me to show up here. So, what on Earth...?"

This time, she's the one who laughs.

"It's an interesting story," she says, her smile turning a bit mischievous, "that takes us back to a few hours ago. I was about to finish my classes, and people started talking about their plans for the night, and then... I realized it was Friday. And I remembered hearing some really wacky things about Eriol's Friday nights in England. Apparently, that's what all the cool kids were doing there, so... I just had to know how those were."

I burst out laughing.

"I talk way too much."

"Anyway," she continues, "there was this tiny... logistics problem. Even though you did ask me on a date earlier, I had no way to give you my answer. I mean, no normal way. We never exchanged phone numbers, nor e-mails, nor..."

I can't help but chuckle.

"God, you're right. I never even thought about that. I mean, I have my own ways of finding people... I guess I'm not used to the normal ways of doing things."

"Don't say," she laughs. "And apparently you're also not used to be easily accessible to the people who may want to find you. So, you left me very few options: I could wait for you to try to get in touch with me, go back to your place uninvited again… or I could try something that would make me sink even deeper into the lands of the weird and the abnormal."

"And of course, you chose weird and abnormal," I chuckle.

"Well, obviously," she says. "We're here... aren't we?"

"Yes... we are. But... what exactly did you do?"

"Well... after giving it some thought, I decided to come here and… call you... you know... with my mind. I wasn't sure it would work, but I was hoping that you would feel it with those freaky powers of yours. Which you did... obviously. I have to tell you... I feel pretty kick-ass right now," she adds, smiling.

At this point, I'm really bewildered. And somewhat impressed.

"So, you just… decided to summon me? As if I was some common magical pet?"

"Well, excuse me. I didn't know this was some kind of touchy subject for you magical people," she says, laughing. "I just wanted to see you. And whatever it was that I did, it worked, right? You sensed it. It's kind of cool, if you think about it. Like some kind of private bat-signal."

"Yes... it would have been, if I had actually… sensed it. But the odd part is that... I didn't."

"What?" she says, a little perplexed. "What do you mean, you didn't?"

"I mean, in normal circumstances, I would have sensed it… But just now, I wasn't… feeling your presence. Nor any other kind of energy, for that matter. I had kinda… turned it off."

"I didn't know you could do that," she mutters, more than a little bewildered now.

"Neither did I... it's something I've discovered... quite recently. You could think of it as pressing your hands against your ears to avoid hearing for a while. Like that... only harder, and much more tiresome. But... that was exactly what I was doing just now. So, I didn't sense your... call."

"Really?" she says, her perplexity growing. "But then… why are you here? This can't possibly be a coincidence."

"No... it's not. There's no such a thing as coincidences," I say, staring at her with a more serious glance in my eyes. "If I'm here... it's because I'm supposed to be here. I mean... I knew you were waiting for me at this place. I just... don't know how I knew. I shouldn't have known, but it just came to me, as if I had already known, but somehow had forgotten… and for a moment I've suddenly remembered. I can't explain it better... it doesn't make much sense."

"Well... maybe it doesn't have to," she says, smiling. "Maybe we should just take it as it is. Actually... there's something that intrigues me more than that."

"What?"

"That thing you were doing, with your powers... if it's so difficult and tiresome as you said... why were you doing it?"

Suddenly, I realize I wasn't expecting to be asked that question, nor had an answer ready. I feel a little awkward.

"Well… I... I don't know why. It's just something I've been experimenting with... lately."

"Lately? How lately?" she says, staring at me with newly interested, inquisitive eyes.

"Well, to be honest… since a couple of days ago," I confess. "After the night of the storm. It happened on its own, that day. I didn't notice your presence when I walked into the kitchen and you were there, with Nakuru. Something like that never happened before. I never even thought I could not sense someone's presence… It really puzzled me. So, after that, I kept trying to make it happen... on purpose."

Her gaze goes from interested to perplexed.

"Why?"

"At first, just out of curiosity… you might not understand it, but things look and feel really different when you're not sensing their energy... and people even more. But then, when I realized I could control it… it kinda... started to feel wrong, to use that power with you. It seemed... unfair. I mean... you can't read me like that."

Her gaze turns from shocked to somewhat touched as she stares at me and I try to grin indolently at her, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Well," she says, smiling with the loveliest smile ever, "maybe I can't, but there are other ways in which I can read you, you know? I have my own powers too. But, you shouldn't feel bad about the things you can do, Eriol. Your powers... they're part of who you are."

"Are they?" I just say, maybe a little bit bitterly.

"As long as you have them, they are. But they shouldn't define you. Look... would I still be me if I cut my hair short?"

"What?" I yell, scandalized. "Don't joke about things like that! I really like your hair the way it is."

She laughs.

"So says my mom. It reminds her of someone she loved very dearly. But, if I decided to cut it short eventually... would I still be me?"

"I honestly have no idea. The world as we know it might have ended, the day such atrocity happens."

She laughs even harder.

"You're an idiot... you know that?"

"Yeah. But I'm the idiot you wanted to go on a date with... which you said, explicitly. Let us never forget that," I answer, with a bit of a smug smile on my face.

"Even if I wanted to forget it, I don't think you'll let me," she says, chuckling. "But now that we're on it... there's still one thing missing for this to be the date I wanted... you know?"

"Well, yeah. A proper place for it would be nice."

"Now, there's a fine line dividing goofy, lovable idiot from obnoxious jerk… are you sure you want to cross it?" she says, chuckling. "I chose this place, didn't I?"

"Yes, but for the life of me, I can't seem to figure out why. Not that I don't treasure all the warm and fuzzy memories we have here, but really… this place is a dump. There are literally hundreds of nicer, better, cleaner places we could have gone."

"I know," she laughs, "but I like it here. I like it as it is. I've been to hundreds of nicer places in my life. My house... it's almost a palace. But I've never been to a place that feels this... real before. There's no pretense here; nobody tries to be something they're not. Nobody gives a damn about what everybody else is doing. It's the first place where I felt I could relax and just... be me. Also… it was here where I sang that night… and you found me. So, all in all… it seemed like a good place to have our first date. Or at least to start it."

I snort, staring at her as if she was batshit crazy, but can't help the little smile that stretches the corners of my mouth. Actually, and despite my previous teasing and my snobbishness (which strongly protests against it), I have to admit I like the place too, even with the bad sound and the dirty tables and the poorly ventilated atmosphere. Maybe it's the darkness, the rawness of it… or maybe it's just the fact that this was, in fact, the place where I've found her. For real.

"This is also where you almost threw up on me," I say.

"Like you said... fuzzy memories," she says, chuckling and turning a little red. "I was almost too thoughtful to aim for the sidewalk, you know? I could have just as easily done it right on your nice blue shirt. You would have totally deserved it."

"How very unladylike," I say, amused. "I still can't believe you're that gentle, well-mannered Daidouji-san I used to know."

"That's because I'm not. I think she was last spotted here, sitting at this very table, with a guy that looked suspiciously like you... like two weeks ago. Never heard from again."

I can't help but laugh.

"Then... who are you?"

"I already told you, Eriol... evil twin," she says, a spark of amusement glimmering in her eyes.

I laugh even more.

"I'm getting more a chaotic vibe than evil, really, but hey, I don't care. Stranger things have happened to me... and I enjoy a bit of chaos in my life."

She chuckles.

"I'm glad that you feel that way... because then you're going to love what's next. I've planned something... interesting... for tonight."

"Really?" I say, more than a bit intrigued. "You've planned it? I'm flattered."

"Yeah... well, kind of. You'll see," she says, and then she gestures to the barmaid who seemed to be waiting for her call; and in a moment she comes to our table with a bottle and two glasses.

"Thank you," she says with a big smile, and then proceeds to fill both glasses with the transparent liquid and hands me one, while I watch the whole thing in befuddlement.

"What is this? Shochu? Is this... your plan?" I say, between amused and horrified as I stare at the glass she just gave me. "I swear to God, after the other night and that whole tequila situation, I thought you've learned your lesson."

"Hardly," she says, chuckling. "I didn't care much for tequila, but this I should be able to deal with. If anything, to honor my ancestors. See, looking back at the other time, I realize I did it all wrong. I just wanted to get drunk as quickly and as hard as possible, to forget about how bad I felt. It was kind of sad, really. This time I want to do it right, the way it's supposed to be done. That's where you come along."

"Okay, I get it," I say, chuckling. "I see where you're going with this, but despite the shady rumors you might have heard about some Friday nights in England, I can assure you, I'm not the best person to do this with. You see, even though I might look young... I'm actually old. I've been through this too many times already; I've seen enough sickness, hangovers and idiotic behavior in many lifetimes to want to go through any of that... ever again. The best I can offer you is what I do for my students; to take you home when you collapse and hold your hair while you throw up, but... is that your idea of a first date?"

"Oh, no, you misunderstand," she says, chuckling. "That's not my idea at all. But before I explain it to you, I need to ask you a question... and I need an honest answer from you." She stares at me with a strange look in her eyes. "Do you... trust me?"

That takes me completely by surprise.

"Huh?" I say, staring at her and blinking.

"Do you?" she insists. "Because, I want us to make another experiment tonight."

"Really?" I say, still a little befuddled but at the same time, growing more and more intrigued. "What kind of experiment?"

"It's quite simple. Just for tonight... I want to make all your decisions for you."

"What?" I manage to say, almost speechless.

"Exactly what I said," she says. "So... do you trust me?"

"Well... maybe explain a little first? Why would I agree to this?"

"Because you need it... badly. Since we met here in this bar, about ten days ago... I've noticed something. You always look like you're carrying the weight of the world upon your shoulders. You keep saying that you're old, because unlike everybody else, you have memories of many other lives, and all of the mistakes you made in them, even if you weren't really who you are now when you made them. The responsibility and the guilt are weighing you down. But the truth is... you're not old, Eriol. You're nineteen. You're a nineteen-year-old who could never act like one, because of that weight you're always carrying around, and that's... not fair. So, I want to release you from it, if only for one night. So, tonight I'll make all your decisions for you, and I will carry with all the responsibility. And in order to do that, my first decision is that you swallow this highly alcoholic, traditional Japanese beverage like a nineteen-year-old would... which is, like there's no tomorrow," she says, pushing the glass with the transparent liquid towards me.

I just stare at her in shock.

"Why... why are you doing this?"

"Because you did the same for me, the last time we were here. Remember? That night I was the one weighed down by my own guilt and my own burdens... and you helped me break free from them. You realized of all the conflict and struggle that was going on inside me... you saw through this fake persona I had built for myself, and you realized I needed to let it all fall down and crumble to pieces. So, you came up with that... experiment of yours... to kill Tomoyo, remember? It was scary... but I needed it. I became free the moment I stopped trying to control everything, and just... let myself go. You made me feel safe with myself, in a way I never could on my own. So what I'm asking you is... will you do the same? Will you put yourself in my hands, like I did with yours? Because... this Eriol, great as he is and all... needs to die too," she says, staring at me very seriously. "It's time."

I feel the blood freeze in my veins as I hear her say those words. I know she's speaking metaphorically, but still… it makes my hairs stand on end.

Not that her idea didn't have its appeal. To have someone else make all my decisions for me is something I've never experienced. To be freed from choices and responsibility, if only for a few hours, and just let myself be dragged along with the current, wherever it might take me…

When would I ever have another chance like this? If this is going to be our first and only date ever, it feels almost like a sin to not seize every opportunity it presents while I still can. Besides... everyone should be allowed to act recklessly and foolishly, at least once. Even me.

"There is one small problem with this plan of yours, though," I say. "Getting me drunk is not as easy a task as you might think. Alcohol doesn't affect me as much as it does normal people; I need a much larger amount to even feel the effects. So, it would take a lot of work and determination to do it. That's why I don't usually do it. It's kind of tiresome."

"So, you're saying you're too lazy to get properly drunk?" she says, laughing. "That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. You're half-English, half-Japanese, aren't you? Both sides of your ancestors must be ashamed of you."

I can't help but laugh.

"The thing is..." I say, "that's not the only reason why I don't get drunk. There's another thing... we might have to consider."

"I know what it is," she says, staring at me with a strange look in her eyes. "It's not just the memories that weigh you down. It's also your powers... isn't it? It scares you... the possibility of losing control."

"It's dangerous," I protest.

"Eriol, you need to get over it. You're not the monster you think you are. I know you're not, and I want to prove it to you. So, if you don't trust yourself, then trust me. Even if only for tonight."

"I do... but there's a lot of me you don't know, Tomoyo. You don't know the things I've..."

"In this life?"

"Huh...?" I stare at her, a little perplexed.

"Those terrible things you like so much to talk about... did they happen in this life?"

I have to stop a moment to think about it.

"No," I finally say.

"Then, I don't give a rat's ass about what you might have done in another life. You're not any of those people anymore. You're Eriol now, and Eriol is a good person, I know him. Agreed, he's a bit of a pervert... but a great, selfless, kind guy nonetheless. The kindest I've ever met, actually."

I just stare at her, blinking, almost speechless.

"You... you really think that?"

"Yes. And a lot of fun, too, when he's not worrying about stupid things. So, drink up, please. The little bird that's pecking inside your brain really needs to shut up for a while."

She pushes the glass further towards me, and stares at me with a defiant look in her eyes. I look at her, and then at the glass, and hesitate for a moment; she doesn't know, can't really make an idea of the enormous amount of years of keeping myself under perfect control that would go down the drain if I agree to this. Hell, she's not so far off when she said it scared me; it is actually kind of frightening. I'm not sure I can afford to lose my self-control like that; after all, I do have tremendous powers that I'm responsible for, and people tend to get hurt when I forget about that. But she's looking at me, her eyes fixed on mine and for some reason, it feels right; it feels safe with her, as if she was some kind of safety net that wouldn't let me fall into the darkness. Oddly, I start thinking about Sakura, and I start to understand what she must have felt when she had to fight for the cards so many years ago; why she needed to have her by her side at all times, even in the face of danger. This girl, who has no magic powers whatsoever, and objectively speaking is the most defenseless of us all; somehow has a way to make you feel at ease, as if you just knew that nothing could go too wrong, as long as she's there.

And right now, she is. Still.

I look at her, and I realize that I actually want to do this. God, I do; I want to take the leash off and just be stupid and reckless and young for one night, I want to shut up the annoying bird that is pecking at my head day and night and just let go, just do whatever I want without thinking about the consequences. And since she's here, I'm terribly tempted to do so.

Eriol needs to die too.

It really is time.

"Okay," I say, and I grab the glass and stare at its contents for a second. "Like there's no tomorrow, you said?"

"Yes."

Could she possibly know, or suspect on some level, that there really is no tomorrow?

No. Right now I can't, won't think about that. I shouldn't think about anything but enjoying my last night with her; and for that, some alcohol could certainly be of help. So, before I get submerged into more gloomy thoughts, I raise the glass to my lips, and soon enough I feel the liquor burning down my throat.

"Hey..." I say just after I swallow it, somewhat impressed. "This tastes good. You ordered good liquor this time."

"Live and learn," she says, grinning. "I told you I'd do it right."

"But, even if it tastes better, it's still strong. It'll still give us a terrible hangover afterward... you know that, right?"

"Then, let's make sure it's worth it," she says, cheerfully. "So when we're puking our guts out we'll have something good to hold on to."

"Alright then. But, aren't you going to join me?"

"Not yet. You must drink again," she says, inflexibly, as she fills my glass right away. "If what you said about alcohol not affecting you that much is true, then we need to even things up a little, or I'll be wasted long before you're even tipsy. So, I will have a drink for every three or four you have, and that's how we're going to do this."

I just laugh.

"Are you sure about this? You know, if you take a magical creature out of its leash, it's very hard to put it back on it. You'll be responsible for any strange stuff that may happen."

"I'm the chaotic twin, remember?" she says, laughing. "I'll take my chances. Do it. Unleash it. Aren't you curious to see what it will do?"

I just stare at her for a moment.

"You have to be, without a doubt, the weirdest person I've ever met. And I've met some seriously fucked up individuals in my many lives."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment," she says, laughing. "Now... stop talking, and start drinking. Make your ancestors proud."

"Okay, okay," I say, chuckling, and quickly make the content of my glass disappear.

She smiles.

"Again."

And that is, more or less, how one of the most strange and amazing nights of my life started.

...

Some time, and many, many drinks later...

I'm definitively starting to feel buzzed, and she already seems on the verge of drunk; but we're chatting and joking and laughing so cheerfully, that it's hard to believe that just a few hours from now I will be saying goodbye to her. But right now the night is still young; there are still so many hours left to share with her, so many things to do, and it seems like it could last an eternity. There's no tomorrow; there are no repercussions. The only thing that exists is this night, this moment, now; the bar, with its dim lights and cheap sound system and the rock band that painfully tries to play in these conditions, the always strange human crowd that surrounds us, the noise and the smoke... and her. Especially her, who's laughing at some stupid joke I forgot the moment I said it, so lively and colorful and close to me across the small table, and so damn pretty it's almost dreamlike; and the thought that maybe in a few hours I might have her on my bed again, kissing her lips and getting lost in her sweet, sweet skin, makes all of this like a long, delightful, yet worthwhile kind of foreplay, one that I'm thoroughly enjoying and still want to see where it would take us.

I didn't realize when the music stopped, but I do notice when suddenly, a raspy voice comes from the stage.

"Hey! You! Raven-haired girl over there!"

I turn towards the owner of that voice; it's a pretty-faced yet scruffy, long-haired blond guy, who appears to be the guitarist and lead singer of that band; and who's staring directly at her.

"Hey," I say to her, intrigued. "I think he's talking to you."

She dizzily looks up to the stage.

"What?"

"Yes, you!" the blond guy insists. "Raven-haired girl, I remember you! You sang a song here, like two weeks ago, on improv night! Didn't you?"

"Shit," she says, whispering to me and not realizing that almost everyone around us is staring at us. "I think I know him," she says, trying to be secretive. Then, she looks up at him. "Yes... why?"

"Remember me?" the blond guy says. "I played guitar with you! You sang incredibly! This girl, people…" he says, pointing at her as he talks to the audience "has the most amazing voice ever. So, here's an idea, why don't you come up the stage and sing a song with us?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no," she says. "I don't think so."

"Come on, Raven, don't be shy! People here have been hearing me growl for too long, I'm sure they're dying to listen to something nice for a change. Would you deny them the chance to listen to your beautiful voice?"

She looks at me, almost desperate.

"Help me!" she says, once again, trying to whisper.

"Actually…" I say, feeling an impish grin starting to form on my mouth, "I'm kind of thinking you should go up that stage and sing. You wouldn't want to disappoint all these people here, would you?"

"But... I can't sing like this!" she tries to whisper to me. "I think... I'm already a bit drunk."

"So? Wasn't tonight about that, exactly? Getting drunk and doing stupid, teenage things? Time to prove you were serious about it. I can't think of anything more stupid and teenage, than getting drunk and going up a stage to sing with some strangers."

"But-"

"Come on, Raven, don't make us beg," the blond guy says. "You'll make us look bad. You do realize we're a hard rock band, don't you? We have an image to maintain."

"Alright!" she says, suddenly getting up from her chair and boldly staring at him, and continues, almost yelling. "My name is Tomoyo Daidouji, by the way, and I'd love to sing for these people. But if I sound terrible, you'll have to excuse me. I haven't warmed up, and I've been drinking stuff that can't be good for my vocal cords, and also... I'm not completely sober right now."

I can barely contain my laughter. Seriously... watching her trying to act normal is just too funny.

The singer stares at her for a moment, wide-eyed, and bursts out laughing.

"Don't worry, sweetie, no one will judge you; nobody is completely sober here. Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have some applause for Daidouji-san, who kindly agreed on delighting us with her voice tonight?"

That is enough to seal the deal. The guy evidently has charisma and a great stage presence; so soon enough the entire bar is clapping their hands and cheering for her. She stumbles a bit on her way to the stage, but manages to do so without incident, and I ensconce myself in the very uncomfortable chair to enjoy the show. Hearing her sing has become one of my favorite things ever, and watching her doing it a bit intoxicated just adds some edge to the thing that I wouldn't miss for anything in the world.

"Okay, Raven," says the blond guy, once she was on the stage. "I'm guessing you don't know any of our songs... so, should be playing some classic instead?"

"Yeah... that's okay."

"Any preferences?"

She thinks about it for a moment, and then whispers something to him in low voice. I see him nod, then he mutters something to his band. And God, how great is my amazement, when they start playing the chords from an old, famous rock ballad, and for the first time ever I hear her sing in my own language. And besides being a bit drunk, she does it so damn well, I can't help but be carried away by her words, by her voice; and I start remembering the place where I was born, on that island, so many years ago; that place where I took my first steps and had my first memories and watched change and grow for over two thousand years, that place where I've always been bound to return to, one way or another. Despite having been all around the world and spoken all kinds of languages, the ones from my beloved native islands always felt dearest to me; they reminded me of home, and even though they've mutated so much since I first spoke them that they are almost unrecognizable now, to hear her sing in one of them awakes all kind of strange things inside me, longings and memories I'm not sure I want to recall, but that brings me back there, to my homeland, to its lovely countryside and its beautiful architecture and its peculiar weather, which most people don't care for but I love; and for a moment I'm there, all I have to do is close my eyes and abandon myself to the sound of her voice, and I'm there, and she's there too, we're lying on the grass and feeling the gentle breeze on our faces, without a worry in the world, and our hands touch and it's all so peaceful, so sweet and so exquisite that I almost want to stay inside that dream forever.

But like all dreams, it has to end eventually.

I come back to the sound of applause; the song was beautiful and her performance, flawless despite her less than ideal state, she has completely won the audience by the end of it, and looks happy and sparkling with confidence. The blond guy notices this too, and so, without wasting a moment, he quickly gestures something to his other band members and before she can even attempt to get down from the stage, a new song starts to sound.

But this time it's not a soft ballad. It's a popular, very powerful rock song, something I'm sure she has never sung before, at least not in front of an audience. And for a moment she does look a bit startled and insecure; she stares at me like asking me what the fuck to do now, but the public has already started to cheer excitedly as they recognized the song intro, so I just join the cheering and look at her, excited to see what she would do with this.

The blond guy takes the lead and starts singing, as she remains doubtful and unmoving, but then he grabs her hand, inviting her to step up. With all the eyes on her, she starts singing, a bit timidly at first. But then... magic starts to happen.

I hate to admit it, but their voices combine amazingly well. It sounds good, it sounds damn good, and as soon as she realizes it, she starts to sing less timidly. And less timidly. The band sounds great too; they seem to be in their element, and they put so much energy into the song, that soon everybody in the bar is clapping their hands and whistling.

But the amazing thing is to see how that energy has affected her; it was getting under her skin and she quickly starts glowing with that confidence and cheekiness I've seen in her before, perhaps a bit exalted by the alcohol, as she gets drifted into the powerful beat of the song; I see her bob her head and her body starts moving to the rhythm, and by the time the first chorus is ending, she's already singing at the top of her voice, prancing and jumping like she belongs in that stage, and even if she misses the lyrics at some parts, nobody notices or nobody cares. The blond guy does well too, he's a good guitarist and a pretty decent singer, despite what he said earlier, and knows when to take the spotlight and when to back off and let her shine; they have great on-stage chemistry and she looks like she's having a lot of fun.

And fuck it, I simply can't believe it. It's a never-ending thing with this girl. Now it turns out that she can rock like a pro. At least, when she's drunk.

With heavy drumming and guitar distortion, the song eventually reaches its peak and it ends, with her voice sounding above everything, among the clapping and cheering from the audience. Everybody is looking at her, and as her almost disbelieving eyes pass through the audience, they stop on me; and she rewards me with a warm, flushed, breathless smile. The blond guy tries to get her to sing another one, but she just shakes her head no, waves at the public, and gets down from the stage, receiving a burst of ovation.

"Dammit, Tomoyo, that was..." I start saying as soon as she's back, but before I can even finish the sentence, she grabs my shirt and unexpectedly kisses me, leaving me completely out of breath. A bit surprised by this outburst, but not at all unhappy, I hold her and kiss her back; her mouth tastes like euphoria and shochu; she's drunk with that amazing stage energy and I can almost taste it too.

"I rocked!" she says when she pulls away, her eyes still sparkling. "Did you see me? I didn't think I could... but I did!"

"Yeah," I say, chuckling at her over-excitement. "It was amazing. You rocked the hell out of that song."

"I almost couldn't believe it! Me, up there... I mean... I forgot how much fun it is to sing!"

"I know," I say, chuckling. "I'm glad you've remembered... and that you're enjoying yourself."

"I am. But, hey... it's your turn now."

"What? I don't sing, girl."

"I meant, to do something stupid and fun," she says, laughing. "You have to try it... it feels… amazing."

"I... don't think I'm drunk enough for that yet."

"Nonsense. You're ready. I make your decisions tonight, and I say you are. Remember?"

I laugh.

"Aye aye, captain. But... what will you have me do?"

"Dance with me," she says, with a sparky smile on her lips and her arms suddenly going around my neck. "I liked it last night... when we danced together."

"Okay... we should go, then. There must be someplace where we can dance in this town."

"No," she says. "Here."

"What… are you serious?" I say, between amused and horrified. "This... is a bar. People don't dance here. There's no dancing floor, there's little room, the sound's no good, and the music isn't..."

"Oh, details," she says. "Aren't you the most powerful mage alive? I'm sure you can make it work."

"But... it's going to be tremendously weird. And don't you think people will notice if I do...?"

"People? What people?" she says, laughing. "There's no one else here, Eriol; there's you, and me... the rest are just bodies. Why do you care so much about what they'll think? Just dance with me... and let your worries disappear."

And then, she starts moving, to prove me she wasn't joking about it. The band is playing their last song, another well-known rock classic, and they seem completely taken by surprise when she, alone, starts dancing to it, undulating, swinging her hips, laughing and jumping excitedly as if she was at a big concert and not at a tiny bar; and I realize that alcohol must have hit her harder than I thought... Looking at her is kind of amusing, inspiring and embarrassing at the same time; because she doesn't care at all about the rest of the people in the bar, nor the band, nor anybody; she just looks at me, looking happy and lightweight as I've never seen her before, and her smile mocks me for not stepping into the amazing world she's in, and suddenly I feel ashamed of myself. I'm here because of her; what do I care about other people? Isn't tonight about us; about being stupid and young together? So, I can't just let her embarrass herself alone, can I?

No, I can't. That would be very ungentlemanly of me.

So, without giving it any more thought, I finish my drink, grab the hand that she offers me, and join her dance.

And then, weirder things start to happen. Looking at us in amazement, some of the people who were still pumped up by the last song start moving to the music too, and it takes a really short time before more and more of them start to get up and dance too. When the song ends, people start asking excitedly for encore. And then again. The band dudes seem ecstatic, but they keep playing one song after another at the crowd's cheer, as they watch the whole scene with their mouths open in astonishment. I'm almost sure that no one has ever danced in that bar, in all of its history, ever before.

Finally, after four or five songs more than they've meant to play, they go down from the stage; but before the now effervescent atmosphere would cool down, some other music starts to sound in the background, lower first, but then growing louder and louder, and no one seems to know where it's coming from. It's not the grim kind of music most dives like this usually play, it's some kind of more upbeat, dance music, and suddenly I realize where it's coming from: it's the astonished mind of one of the waitresses, who's watching us dance in disbelief and suddenly started thinking about how much cooler it would be if this was a nightclub. The music is coming from her mind, and the defective audio system from the bar captures it and amplifies it, and as I see my amazing raven-haired girl laugh and excitedly start to move to this new music, I realize I've done this; for a second when the band went down the stage and I saw her enjoyment and excitement, I thought I just wanted to keep seeing her like this, and it was all it took for my powers to channel that music from the waitress's head into the sound system, without me even thinking about it. If I wasn't already a bit drunk, I would have felt horrified by it; the last time something like this happened, this thing when my powers went rogue and acted on their own, following my innermost desires, was in my life as Clow Reed, and the consequences were... catastrophic, to say the least. I blame the alcohol for this. Thankfully, my only desire right now is just to see her happy, so letting my powers go loose for a while shouldn't be too dangerous... right?

And then a risky, crazy, drunkish idea comes to me. It's starting to hurt my pride; if I'm going to be so reckless about my magic, I could very well show her the extent of what I could do... couldn't I?

Truth is, I've never been into one of these modern nightclubs before, so I don't have much idea of what they look like or what kind of music they play. After attending countless parties, gatherings, festivals and dancing venues of all kinds in many, many lives, I've come to the conclusion that they were more or less the same thing; even if the style and the music might vary through the ages. So, sick as I was of almost everything, I never really thought about going to a dance club in this life; something I was starting to realize has really been a mistake. Because they were something else completely.

As I start grabbing images of places and music from the memories of everyone at the bar and channel them into existence, little by little the place starts to change, to evolve into something different, as if it wasn't really a place but a living organism. I start modestly, by fixing the dreadful sound system, making it sound better and clearer and louder; but then I grow bolder and start experimenting with the lights, adding effects and colors I grab from everyone's minds and also from my own imagination. And people seem to like it. Around us, more are starting to dance and jump like some kind of frenzied animals, swept up by the alcohol and the adrenaline rush this loud music sends through them, and I'm starting to get a little carried away with the whole thing too; and soon there's a disco ball, and colorful, intermittent lights coming from every corner, and a psychedelic laser show on the ceiling that could easily give you a seizure... and no one seems to know where the fuck these things came from, but they're all on board with the growingly festive atmosphere, possibly thinking it's some kind of surprise party the bar owners had planned, that's if any of them has the presence of mind to wonder about it at all. Thrilled with the results, and more and more inebriated with the drinks she keeps making appear like from out of nowhere, I let myself go a little nuts with it, and add even more flashy and ridiculous things, like sparkles and smoke and at some point there are even some light-thingies that change shapes and fly freely among the dancers, and...

Okay... I might have overdone it a little.

But she had a point. No one seems to care. These people are too wasted, and way too used to technology to even worry about the ridiculous things they see appearing out of nowhere; this is an age where no one believes in magic and everything can be accomplished with the right machinery, and right now, that works perfectly for me. The bar staff doesn't understand what was happening, but I've numbed their minds just barely, so that they wouldn't ask themselves too much about it and would just go along with it, and let things keep flowing.

It's a cacophony of sounds and lights from hell, but people seem to enjoy it, and not only that; the entire atmosphere seems to be taking them into a whole other plane. And then, it hits me.

The thing about these new dancing places, is that they aren't actually new at all; yet they don't resemble any of the ones that I've attended in my previous lives. What they resemble is something even older, something I only got to experience in my earliest lives, something I thought I would never get to see again.

The atmosphere is dark and heavy, it's hot and it gets even worse as more people come in, attracted by the lights and the music, and the place starts to get crowded; the tables start to get piled against the walls and the whole place seems like it has stretched and transformed into some kind of dance floor, where everybody is in their own world, bouncing into everybody and no one seems to care, and the music that I channel from their heads… Let's just say it's not like any kind of music I've listened to nor studied before; sometimes it doesn't even seem to have a melody or barely a structure of any kind, yet it's so loud and with a rhythm so powerful and hypnotic, it gets into your bones and puts everyone into some kind of a trance. Booze flows generously too, and soon everybody is either drunk, intoxicated with some other substance, or a combination of both. And they all seem ecstatic, and they dance to this music in a frenzy that suddenly brings me back memories of more primal times, when people gathered under the moonlight to honor some unnamed god or goddess, inebriated themselves with some elixir made of sacred plants, painted their faces with animal blood and danced to the music of drums until the sun rose, barely dressed and giving in into all kinds of excesses.

And I'm astounded, because saving the distances, the different drinks and the cell phones and the blinding lights and the electronic beat of the music that screams technology, the crudeness of it, the paroxysm is almost the same; it's an amazing contradiction, as if on the peak of its progress mankind was striving to recover some of its former, forsaken primitiveness.

And I have to admit it... I like it.

But what I like most about it is to watch her give in to that hypnotic rhythm, dancing and moving her body in a trance, just like an ancient priestess would have, with a raging sensuality that she was honestly not aware of, and dragging me along with her as drinks flow from our hands, until my head is swirling and we are just a part of that euphoric human mass, and there aren't any thoughts in my mind anymore; just lights and sounds and smell and her laughter and her body moving against mine, and more dancing and bouncing and drinking.

And blank, blank, blank.

...

I can't really tell how long that surreal thing lasted, but eventually, it starts to fade out. Around us, people are starting to get tired, or collapse on the chairs; some of them are making out shamelessly and some had already left, probably to find a more discreet place to keep going... however, it's becoming clear it's about time to leave, while we still have a rest of the night to grasp.

My head is whirling, and I miraculously find a wall to lean against, and she comes to me with a drink in her hand she can't even finish, stumbling a little.

"Heeey... look who I found. Old dude who doesn't like to party."

I chuckle. It's funny just to hear how she struggles to get the words out.

"This... is all your fault... you know?" I say, and I realize I'm having a bit of a speech impediment too. "I got... a bit carried away."

"You think?" she says, laughing. "It's like a nightclub... for fairies... on acid."

I chuckle even more when I hear that.

"Good... that's what I aimed for."

She laughs even harder.

"But... can you undo it? Won't it be a problem... for the bar people? I don't think... they'll know what to do with these... things."

"Don't worry," I say. "Nothing's really changed in the bar. All this... is just a maboroshi. An illusion."

Her eyes open wide.

"Mabo-roshi? You mean… all the pretty lights... and things... and music… aren't really here? It's all in our heads?"

"Not exactly... more like they are... in another plane or dimension... But when I lift it... things will be back to normal."

She smiles.

"Cool."

"Let's go," I say then, grabbing her hand. "Outside... less noise... more air."

"Okay," she says, and we proceed to get our coats and get out of there. But just as we're heading to the exit, there's a yell at our backs.

"Wait...! Raven...! I mean, Daidouji-san!"

We turn around. It's the blond guy, whom I haven't seen again since they got down from the stage, but is still here for some reason.

"What...?" she says.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he says, giving me a quick glance and then looking back at her. "Please? It'll only be a second."

She looks at me, and her expression is so perplexed it's actually kind of funny.

"It's okay," I say to her. "Go ahead. I'll wait here."

She follows him a few meters from where I'm standing, and then they talk for a short moment. But just as she's back and we're leaving, I see the blond guy raise his hand to her and step forward, as if he has just remembered he wanted to say something else; but then he bumps into a chair, trips, and nearly falls; after which he starts cursing profusely.

She takes a hand to her mouth, and turns to me with a somewhat amused look in her eyes and an eyebrow raised.

"You didn't..."

"Wha-? Of course I didn't!" I say, indignant. "He's just clumsy. What kind of person do you think I am?"

She stares at me with a distrustful glance for a moment.

"Humm. Let's go."

But once outside, I just can't refrain from teasing her a little.

"So... what did your clumsy friend want?"

"Well..." she says, deliberately ignoring my taunt. "He liked how I sang. He asked me... if I wanted to sing with his band now and then... like some kind of guest member."

"Really?" I say, stopping and looking at her. "What did you say?"

"I said... I'd rather help them with the wardrobe first, because... well, you've seen them."

I can't refrain from laughing.

"You're unbelievable... And what did he say to that?"

"He said... I was already talking like a lead singer... and laughed. I don't think he took me seriously."

"On the contrary... I think you'll have them looking like glamorous rock stars in a month."

"I... didn't say yes. I still need... to think about it."

I stare at her for a moment, and suddenly I remember that this date is supposed to be our first and only one. Tomorrow I will be wiped out of her life and her memories; she won't remember me, but she will remember some things about this night, like singing with the band, if I choose so.

I can't take that away from her too. She needs to keep something for herself. It's the least I can do.

"Think about it?" I say, reaching up and pulling a strand of hair from her face. "What do you have to think about? You should do it."

She stares at me.

"You... think so?"

"Absolutely. You rocked on that stage. Why don't you do the world a favor... and stop hiding yourself? Get in the spotlight... get noticed. It suits you... and it looked like you were having a lot of fun."

"Yes... It was awesome, really."

"Just... watch out for that blond guitarist," I say, teasing her. "Those are not to be trusted... and I bet my ass your voice isn't the only thing he liked about you."

She laughs.

"Oh my. Eriol Hiiragizawa, are you... jealous of that guy?" she says, staring at me with an amused twinkle in her eye.

"Wha... are you insane?" I say, trying to sound indignant. "I just turned a filthy bar into a fantastic nightclub for you. You think I'm going to be jealous of some random guy who can't even do that? Nope... not a chance."

She chuckles.

"Okay. Then, stop worrying about it," she says, somewhat wryly. "He clearly can't do any of the magic things you do."

"So... I was right then, wasn't I?" I say playfully, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to me. "You do have some kind of magic fetish."

"Well, obviously," she says, with a mischievous smile on her lips. "But not the way you might think." Her face gets a bit closer then, until her lips brush against mine. And as my eyes close and I happily answer the light, almost teasing kiss, I catch a scent of strawberries; and I'm not sure if it's from her hair, her skin, some fruity-scented perfume she wore, or just the aftertaste of some cocktail she drank.

It doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it's wonderful.

"See?" she whispers against my face as she pulls away just barely, leaving a tingling feeling on my lips. "Magic."

I open my eyes and look at her for a moment; she's smiling and blushing a little bit, and she looks just so damn pretty that it's impossible to not kiss her again. So, I grab her face and kiss her, hungrily, right there on the street, under the light of the lamp-posts. And she wraps her arms around me and kisses me back, and the tingling spreads all over, and if that isn't magic, God, I don't know what is.

...

I actually don't remember how or when we got to the park, but at some point we were here, walking through it, talking about something that I can't recall but which seemed extremely funny, and equally irrelevant. Fresh air has done us some good, we're able to compose long sentences again and my head has stopped whirling so crazily; and we're just walking and talking, laughing like idiots at every stupid little thing.

That is, until we pass by some huge, really old tree located in the center of the park. It's a strange tree, all covered by markings that are carved into its bark. As soon as she sees it, she stops laughing and stops walking, and just stands there for a moment, staring at it with an odd, fond look in her eyes.

"This tree…" she says, as she runs her fingers through the bark almost affectionately. "It's been here for centuries. I wonder if you've seen it before... I mean… before this life?"

"If I did... I don't remember it," I say. "But to be honest, I never really paid much attention to the foliage."

She turns to me.

"But this is not just any tree, you know? It's... a special tree. It has a history."

"Really?" I say, looking at it with a new interest. But besides the abundant markings on its surface, it seems like a completely ordinary tree.

"Yes. My mother told it to me, when I was little. She brought me here once, and showed me this tree. She said it was a magical tree. She said it's been here forever, before the park and even before the city, and it has the power to grant wishes. You just have to carve your name on it, and ask for your deepest wish, and if you had enough faith and patience, the tree would grant your wish. See all those markings? Those are the names of the people who asked wishes to the tree. Look. There's Sakura... and Li-kun... and Chiharu... And that one over there... it's my mom's name."

I stare at the marking that she's pointing. It looks old and worn, but it's still readable, and it says "Sonomi".

"What did she wish for?" I ask.

"Me," she says, smiling. "You see… my mom didn't have a husband, but she had always wanted to be a mother. So she came here one day, carved her name in the tree, and asked for a child. And two years from that... I was born."

"Really? You mean... you're a test tube baby?"

"No," she laughs. "She got married, eventually. Al least for a short time. Although, I don't think she was ever in love with my father. They divorced a short time after I was born, and he left to work in another country. He died there when I was little, so... I don't remember him. She almost never spoke about him, either," she says, smiling, which is weird enough. "To be honest, I think she just married for appearance's sake. My family is very traditional, you know? But, the first time I asked about my father, she took me here, and told me the tree story. She said I really was the tree's child; born from her wish, and its magic. And to tell you the truth... I always liked to believe that story. Being born from a wish-granting tree is way better than from an arranged marriage and an absent father, isn't it?"

I stare at her, surprised; especially at how casually she talks about this kind of thing. It's the strangest family story I've ever heard, and that includes my own collection. But in some weird way, it makes sense, and it gives me a better understanding of her life. Being raised by an overly busy businesswoman who was never there, in a huge house full of maids and bodyguards as only company and a non-existent father figure must have been lonely, and it must have required a great exercise in fantasy to be dealt with. Maybe that's why she liked to read so much, and why she was so thrilled by the supernatural. To find out her best friend had magic powers must have been a real joyride for her...

Then, something calls my attention.

"I don't see your name there," I say.

"Because it's not there," she replies. "I never had a wish I dared to ask to the tree. Actually… I never had a wish I dared to ask, even to myself. But, you know... I just had a crazy idea..." she suddenly says, looking somewhat mischievous. "Why don't we carve our names on it now?"

"Really?" I say, opening my eyes very big. "But... do you have a wish for the tree now?"

"Mmm... I still have to think about it. But no one says we have to ask the wish right now. We can carve our names on it, just as a memory of tonight, and when we have a wish we really want to see granted, we can come back here and ask for it. Don't you think?" she says, merrily.

Her words send some kind of shiver through my body, because, I did have a wish; but I had already asked it, to a much more reliable power source than this old tree, and as I look at her, I realize that for the first time ever, the idea of seeing it granted actually horrifies me.

But then again…

The tree is just an old tree, and despite its colorful legend, it has no real magic. To carve a name in it won't mean anything, really; but it would make her happy, even if only for a short while. Until she forgets about the whole thing.

How could I deny it to her?

"Okay," I say. "Do you have anything sharp on you?"

"I think I left all my bladed weapons in my other coat," she says, grinning.

"How reckless of you. So... it seems it's up to the mage to save the day again," I say, smirking at her. Then, I touch the tree's bark, close my eyes for a second and I feel heat and light radiating from my palm and my fingers. When I remove my hand, there's a word engraved in the bark, a word that shines with a subtle, yet strange light and that will mystify anyone who sees it the next day.

Tomoyo.

She's staring at it in delight; then she touches the engraved words with her fingers, and looks at me.

"Now you. This is your memory too."

It would be for me only, as a matter of fact. With a strange feeling of melancholy bursting inside my chest, I lay my hand on the tree again, and once again I feel the heat flowing from my fingers and into the ancient bark. But when I remove it, to my own surprise, the drawing that is carved underneath it isn't what I expected to see.

"What is this?" she says, staring at the iridescent figure as she raises a hand and traces it with her fingers. "I've seen this before. Sakura has one of these too."

"It's... my mahoujin. My magic circle," I say, a little shocked myself. "I guess... this must be what best represents me. My name doesn't really mean anything; I already had dozens of them."

"No, no, this isn't right," she says, staring at me with a strange look in her eyes, still with her hand on the markings I've carved. "Your name means something. It's who you are now. It's what your parents named you. It's the first thing I knew about you, and it's what I call you! You're not a magic circle, you're a person, Eriol. You need to fix this."

And then she impulsively grabs my hand... and something extremely odd happens. Before I can even realize it, there's a burning feeling in my hand again just as soon as she touches it; light sprouts from it and flows up her arm and body and suddenly there are new symbols engraved in the tree, without me even touching it, in the place where her other hand is. Where just a second ago, there was a magic circle.

Eriol.

And she just stands there, looking at me in astonishment, and then at the tree that she's still touching.

"What… what just happened?" she whispers, eyes open like plates.

"I... I don't know," I ask, staring at my own hand in perplexity. "What did you-?"

"I... I felt it, Eriol!" she says, still a bit shocked, but with some kind of strange exhilaration. "The magic... I mean, I felt it, through me... and it was so weird! I mean, a good kind of weird... like some warm wave of electric, ticklish... energy or something. It was... kind of awesome! Is this what being magical feels like?" she exclaims, excitedly.

"What? No, no, no, this is messed up, Tomoyo," I say, stepping back. "This isn't supposed to happen. Magic doesn't work like this."

"Well," she says, laughing. "What if it does? Why worry about it? Nothing bad happened."

"But, I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's the alcohol… but my powers are acting crazy."

"And yet, you haven't done anything horrible, nor killed anyone, have you?" she says, smiling.

I'm about to protest, but then, I realize she has a point. Maybe I'm worrying too much. This is the last night I have with her, and although really strange things are happening, that doesn't necessarily mean they are bad things. Nothing bad has actually happened yet, and the truth is... I'm enjoying this odd, newfound freedom of not hiding my powers from her.

"No. I haven't," I say, smiling back at her. "Maybe... you were right about this, after all."

"Of course I was," she says, with the prettiest smile ever, as she comes closer to me, slowly reaching for my hand again, this time without any strange incidents, and whispers against my ear. "You're not a magic circle, Eriol."

Against my will, I feel a little smile forming on my face.

"So," I say, "now that our names are on the tree... do you want to go somewhere else?"

She looks at me and smiles.

"I'm not sure... do you have anything in mind?"

And as she says this, I realize there's actually a crazy idea that has started forming in my head, an idea I wouldn't have even considered in any other circumstances; but right now I'm still somewhat drunk, both from the alcohol and from her; and with the thought that I only have a little more time to enjoy her company, all rests of my normal prudence just seem to slip away. Not seizing the opportunity that this night presents just seems like an unforgivable waste, something I would regret forever. If all I could keep from this night, from this girl is just a memory, I want that memory to be perfect, to be carved in my mind like our names are carved into the tree.

"There is... one place... I'd like to go with you," I say, cautiously. "But... it's a bit risky. You might get scared."

"Or maybe not," she says. "Have a little faith in me, would you?"

"I do, but… this is really something else. It's nothing you've ever done before."

"So what? I'm the chaotic twin, Eriol. I say let's do it."

"Alright," I say, chuckling, and suddenly I'm overflowing with thrill and excitement about what I'm going to do. "But I need you to close your eyes. You will get dizzy."

She looks a bit puzzled for a moment, but does as I said, and then I draw her close to me, wrap my arms tightly around her, look up… and jump.

High.

Higher than any of the trees that surround us.

And so, we're on our way.

...

We're floating in the night sky, traveling rapidly through the city, almost as if we were flying; from time to time I land my feet on the roof of some building, just for a second, to give myself impulse to jump again, each time higher than the last, and faster. Needless to say, she opened her eyes as soon as we left the ground, and is watching everything in utter amazement as her arms cling to me and the streets and houses pass quickly underneath us, and I can feel her heart beating fast and little shrieks of excitement escaping her mouth every time our feet leaves the solidness of a rooftop to take off into the sky again. But she's not scared, she doesn't seem scared; and I… I'm just ecstatic.

This is something I wanted to do for the longest of times... to have someone travel the city with me like this, and make them see what I can see, feel what I feel, even if only for a short while; to be able to share this amazing feeling of boundlessness, of being unrestrained and unattached by gravity, like the birds must feel… But there were really scarce, the times in which I could reveal even the smallest fraction of my powers to normal people and not see them panic and flee; let alone have them trust me enough to come along on a trip like this. It's just beyond awesome; to jump around the town with her in my arms, letting her see what I see and feeling her so thrilled and amazed and unafraid; I've never felt this free before.

Soon enough we reach the place when the town outskirts give room to the suburbs of a much larger city, with much taller buildings. And then I make us pause on some rooftop for a moment, to catch our breaths and to ask her once again to close her eyes, because I don't want her to see where I'm taking her. She agrees to it this time, mostly because she's starting to get really dizzy; wraps her arms tightly around me and hides her face against my neck as I keep getting us even higher. Soon enough we're more than twenty, thirty, forty stories above ground level, and then even higher. Until finally, we arrive at our destination.

"This is it," I say into her ear, loosening my arms around her just a little. "You can open your eyes now."

She does, and then a yell comes out of her mouth as she looks down and sees the entire city of Tokyo, unfolding in all its magnificence before her eyes at an overwhelming height.

We're standing over the highest deck of Tokyo Tower.

...

"Oh my God," she says, when she's able to speak again. "This is… I don't even have a word for this."

"A great date?"

"No, this isn't a date," she says. "This is... madness!"

I laugh.

"Come on. You've been to Tokyo Tower before, haven't you?"

"Yes... many times. But I've always watched from the inside. I never got to stand on top of it."

"I have."

"Show-off," she says.

"Scared of heights?" I tease her.

"What? No, I'm not scared. I'm just noticing that I'm dizzy and half-drunk, standing three hundred meters above ground level with another half-drunk. What's to be scared of?"

"That's the spirit," I say. "And even if we fell... there's plenty of time until we hit the ground to use my magic and save us. Although, my reflexes are not as quick as usual right now, thanks to all the alcohol you made me drink… But no, even so, I'm almost sure I'd still be able to save us in time... I think."

"Eriol?" she says, staring at me. "Remember what you said about talking way too much? Now would be one of those times."

I just laugh.

So we stand there, beholding the breathtaking sight of the city, which looks at its most majestic at night, with its endless lights filling the landscape as far as the eye can see.

"This city… it looks like a huge living being," she eventually murmurs. "It's… beautiful."

"It is," I say. "This is something I never got to see in any of my other lives. It's just... amazing. It's really beautiful... this world of yours."

"It's yours too, Eriol," she says. "You're not a tourist here, you know? You belong just as much as I do. This is your home."

"Is it?" I mutter. "Well, it doesn't matter. At least I get to see this view… and for once, not alone. I'm happy."

She looks at me then, and her eyes are glowing with the lights of the city that reflect on them, and that lovely smile on her lips.

"Thank you… for this amazing date. But you didn't have to do all this… it could have been just as amazing with just the normal stuff."

I feel a smile of my own appearing on my face when I hear that.

"Maybe... but I wanted to do this, even if only this once. I wanted you to see this view. Also… we're not done here yet. There's something else I want to show you."

"Something else? You mean there's something else, beyond this?"

"There's always something else, you small-town girl," I say, teasing her. "You just have to know where to look. For instance... didn't you ever wonder how the city of Tokyo looks from up here, on New Year's Eve?"

"Okay... I won't even ask. Just do whatever you're planning to do. Go nuts," she says, chuckling.

"That's what I want to hear. Now sit down with me, and enjoy the view," I say, and I sit on the border of the narrow platform, offering her my hand to help her sit down next to me, right there on the very edge. And then... the fireworks start.

At first there's just a few, isolated ones, the smaller ones, bursting shyly in the night sky and disappearing quickly without a trace. But slowly it starts to grow. More and more of them appear, and noisier, bigger ones, start exploding in the night sky, some of them even above our heads, in a rain of shining, colorful shooting stars that last for several seconds and leave sparkling trails. And then even more of them, white, green, red, blue, pink, orange, almost every color the human eye can see and they're everywhere; above us, around us, and she's staring at them, mesmerized like a child; her eyes big as plates and shining with all the colors of the rainbow, and her face is a rapture and her hand squeezes mine.

And I feel happy, even if this is a fake New Year, even if she won't ever spend a real New Year with me.

And when it all eventually ends and there's nothing left to see in the sky but the stars and the smoke the fireworks left, she looks at me, and kisses me. And her kiss is so exquisite and sweet and amazing it leaves me out of breath for a moment, and suddenly I think that if she keeps kissing me like that, we might just fall from the border of the deck, and I won't even care.

"Let's get down," she whispers then. "I think it's time to get more... earthly."

She's right. It's time to get down. It's starting to get too cold up there, and I'm starting to need her warmth just a bit too much.

...

[Some time later]

I'm sitting on dew-drenched grass, quietly staring at the sky as the first lights of the morning start painting the sky in orange and pinkish shades. My head spins a little, and by my side there's a drunk Tomoyo, lying asleep on the grass, half-covered by my coat. I look at her, and I can't help the strange, sweet sadness that stirs inside me. I touch her cheek, which is a bit cold, and I pull away some strands of hair from her face. My heart starts beating painfully inside my chest.

It's time.

There's no point in delaying this any longer, that will only make it harder. The night is almost over; it's time to do what needs to be done in order to spare her from being dragged any more into my unspeakable destiny.

This night, and myself, need to be erased from her mind forever. She would wake up in her house, in her bed, to live a normal life; a life without mages and frightening corridors and doors that lead to death and doom. A life where she can be a singer in a band, or whatever she wants; maybe fall in love with some blond guitarist that with any luck, will be good enough to deserve her.

And I… I will be back to the same old thing I'm used to. Which is, my boredom and my books and my endless search for that damned door that would get me out of all of this. Another door. One that wouldn't taint and destroy her entire life.

With shortness of breath, I lay a trembling hand over her forehead. But then, before I can do anything, she stirs and turns to me, opening her eyes a little and yawning.

"Oh, God… did I... fall asleep?"

And I realize I can't. Not now. Not when she's staring at me like that.

"Looks like it," I say, stroking her hair and trying to sound smug, but failing to do so. "Are you cold?"

"No," she says. "This coat of yours... is quite warm. And you?"

"I'm fine," I say.

"Where are we?" she mutters, stretching a little and sitting up slowly, with some effort, and taking a hand to her forehead. "Oh God, I don't think I could be any dizzier. My head feels like the inside of a washing machine. And my stomach... let's just be glad I ate lightly last night."

"I told you so," I say, shaking my head and smiling, the way you do to a child who has misbehaved. "We're at Tsukimine Temple. You wanted to come here. After Tokyo Tower. Remember?"

"Oh, yes… I remember now. I think there was a reason for it, but now I don't seem to…"

"Do you want to leave? If you don't feel so good, I could carry you to a cab, you know?" I tease her. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"No, it wouldn't," she says, chuckling, as she lays back a little and starts staring dreamily at the lake that is just a few meters from where we are. "But, look, over there… the sun is about to raise. If we go now, we'll miss it. Let's stay… just a little longer."

"Of course," I say. "We can stay as long as you want."

She smiles and rests her head against my shoulder.

"This place is just so beautiful… so peaceful... Makes me kind of wish... that I could stay here forever."

I look at her, a bit surprised. She just stares back and smiles, and I see some of the golden and pinkish lights from the sky shining in her eyes, and I can't help but answer with a smile of my own.

"I wish that too," I say, and I realize that I really mean it; actually, more than anything I've ever said to any person, in any life.

"Then... let's do it. Let's just stay here," she mutters, closing her eyes.

I sigh, as I bury my hand in her hair and softly caress it.

"If only that was possible..."

"It is," she says. "Just... remember this. Engrave the feeling of this in your mind, and you will always be able to come back, whenever you want to. And I will do the same."

I look at her, and suddenly, I feel like a giant rock weighing inside my chest.

"Tomoyo... there's no way I could ever forget this. Even if I live for another thousand years, I'll never forget this night. I'll never forget you."

She looks at me, her eyes wide open and kind of grave.

"Hey... why so gloomy all of a sudden? Look... it's such a wonderful morning... Don't you hear the birds? Don't you smell the grass? It's all happening now. Isn't it?"

"God, yes."

"Then, why care about what may happen a thousand years from now? This is real, Eriol, this; this moment is all we've got. Are you going to miss it by worrying about some future you have no control over?"

"No. You're right," I say, and I feel the smile reappearing on my face again. I look at her, and I can't believe how beautiful she looks, and how real, how solid; and I can't resist the urge to touch her, to relish in the warmth and softness of her skin, just because I can, I still can. "You're so wise sometimes, girl..." I say, as my fingers run down the smoothness of her cheek. "I keep forgetting you're only eighteen."

"Like you're one to speak," she says, smiling.

"But it's different. I'm not really the age I look. You know that."

"It's not that different. I told you already; your age is not in your looks, nor in how many years you lived or how many memories you have. It's in your eyes. And your eyes never look like those of an old man... It's kind of strange, but, most of the time... they look like the eyes of a child. A sad child."

"Don't let that fool you," I say, but I look away nonetheless, towards the lake; suddenly unable to hold her gaze anymore. "There's a lot about me you don't know... things that would creep you out. Things that are anything, but child-like."

"I know everything I need to know about Eriol Hiiragizawa... I don't care about your other lives. You weren't exactly who you are now, then. You may tell me about those things eventually, if you feel like it. And if not, that's okay too. But, you know? There is one thing I don't know about Eriol Hiiragizawa, and I've been meaning to ask. If you don't mind."

"What is it?"

"Where's your family?"

"My... family?" I mutter, startled by the unexpected turn the conversation has taken. "As in... my biological family?"

"As in your parents," she says, staring at me seriously.

"They're dead. They died when I was a baby, in a car accident. I was the only survivor. I have no siblings."

"Oh..." she mutters. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I never really got to know them, and even if they had lived, I wouldn't want anything to do with them by now."

"Really?" she says, and I sense a subtle change in her tone, from saddened to concerned. "Why?"

"Well... it's best... to not get attached. Parents die, Tomoyo. Normal people have to deal with that pain maybe once, twice in a lifetime; but if you had to do it again, and again, and again… you'll learn to keep your distance too. And even more so, when you can't really tell them who you really are."

"But why... why can't you tell them?"

"Would you tell your mother, the person who gave you life, the person who thinks of you as the sole most precious thing in the world, that she's the twelfth, or fifteenth, or twentieth mother you had; and that after you die you will have another one, and another one, and another one? That you've been born already old, knowing more things than she ever will, and there's nothing she can really teach you, or do to protect you?"

For a moment, she remains silent.

"I see. It would be very difficult to explain."

"Not just that. Parents don't usually respond well to having odd children with freaky powers, Tomoyo. I've learned it the hard way. It scares them... sometimes it even horrifies them. They tend to extreme reactions, and some of them are really... not good," I sigh. "In the many lives I've lived, I've come to accept that it's better, and safer for them and for myself, to keep them oblivious… and at a distance."

"That's... really sad," she says, staring at me with a gleam of compassion in her eyes. "You mean you never had a close relationship with any of all the parents you had in all of your lives? Not even once?"

Now it's me who stays silent for a moment; because it's a topic I don't really like thinking about. It brings back too many painful memories. But she's looking at me, waiting for an answer; and it's an answer I never gave to anyone... except for one person. And I've promised myself I wouldn't talk about this again; not to anyone else, not ever. But she keeps looking at me, waiting for an answer, her eyes huge and concerned and fixed on me, gleaming in the sunrise light; and despite everything, I realize there's a part of me that wants to tell her.

What does it matter, anyway? Soon enough this conversation would be wiped from her mind, just as if never happened, so... why not?

I sigh, not moving my eyes away from the lake; its calm surface now shining with purple and silver reflections as the sky starts clearing up, and it looks beautiful; though it suddenly occurs to me it feels almost alien; as if we were different people, stranded in some different, distant planet.

"There was someone, once," I start. "A real long, long time ago. She was my mother. I mean, my real mother... my first mother. Or at least, the first I can remember. She was beautiful, and kind and... she loved me... very much. She was also... a witch."

"A... witch?" she says, surprised. "So... you got your powers from her?"

"No, I don't think so. What she did was... different. I don't think she had any real powers at all; but she used to make potions and poultices... helped the sick... things like that. People in our village called her witch."

"And you and she were close?"

It takes me a long time before I can continue talking, and when I do, I never take my eyes away from the waters of the lake.

"We were... until she died. I was too young back then. I couldn't understand. It wasn't... a good death, Tomoyo."

"What... happened to her?"

"She was murdered. Right in front of my eyes. They killed her... because of me."

I can't see her face, but I can feel her eyes fixed on me, almost as if her gaze burned.

"Oh my God... Eriol..."

I feel her hand being placed softly on my shoulder, and suddenly, I just can't resist the urge to keep talking, of letting everything out.

"They came in the night, those hunters. She had never hurt anyone... but they didn't care. They slaughtered her like an animal and made me watch it. I was just a little child... I couldn't control my powers back then. Bad things happened... and people were scared. So, they wanted to put an end to it. It didn't matter to them that she was harmless... in their eyes, she was a witch, the mother of a monster. So, they went after us. I managed to escape alive, but... I couldn't help her. I couldn't save her."

"God, Eriol..." she mutters, and I can feel the immense sorrow that has suddenly overwhelmed her. "I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the things you must have gone through."

She feels terrible for asking me about this, and suddenly, I wonder if I did the right thing by telling her; if I shouldn't have kept all that awful stuff to myself. I look at her, trying to smile, to reassure her.

"No, don't feel bad about it. It was a really long time ago, and it didn't really happen to me, remember? I'm Eriol Hiiragizawa. My parents died in a car crash, and I never really got to know them."

She stares at me, intently; her hand leaves my shoulder to stroke my cheek for a moment; and then, suddenly, she pulls me for a kiss. An impulsive, sweet, tender kiss; a kiss that is full of some inexplicable emotion, and that makes everything better, for some reason.

When she finally pulls away, my lips are trembling. She looks at me, a bittersweet smile on her face.

"Thank you... for telling me this. Even if it's terrible, it's your story; it's a part of who you are. Someday, I'd like to know all of your stories; even the terrible ones... if you will share them with me."

"Someday... maybe," I say, looking away. I don't have the heart to tell her the truth about how that story ended. Or the fact that, that someday she hopes for, will never really come.

We remain silent for a couple of minutes, staring at the lake as the sun starts to appear on the horizon. Despite the bitter memories I've just re-awakened and the dreadful thing that awaits just a short while from now, it feels strangely comforting, to be sharing this moment with her, and I lay down, resting my head on her lap; and I feel her hands stroking and tousling my hair. As I absentmindedly stare at the sunrise, I start feeling the first rays of light on my face, and they're warm too; and it all feels so good and peaceful, that I really hope I could stop time, and stay like this forever.

"Can I ask you one more question?" she mutters after a while.

"Sure."

"Who raised you in this life... after your parents died?"

I can't help but smile a little. Apparently, this girl has a fixation on family issues.

"I have a grandfather in England who was my legal tutor until I came of age, and believes he paid for my education. But in truth, I raised myself, on my own. Once I was in full possession of my powers and memories, I had no need for adults. And that happened when I was around two... three years old."

"Really?" she seems surprised. "But how could you live alone at such an early age? Weren't you scared?"

"No... and for appearance's sake, I had my guardians. Nakuru played the role of a housekeeper for many years, so people wouldn't start asking questions. It's not such an unusual thing for wealthy people to have kids raised by house employees."

"Tell me about it. But, this grandfather you mentioned... is still alive?"

"He is."

"Do you ever see him, or talk to him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Why would I? There's really no need."

"But don't you ever wonder what would it be like, to talk to him from time to time, to have a relationship with him? To be a grandson?"

"No. I barely know the man. Why would I want such a thing?"

"Because you need a family, Eriol. Everybody does."

I look up at her, and this time is me the one who is surprised, as I stare at the grave look in her eyes. I reach up and stroke her face, somewhat touched by the fact that she cares about this so much.

"Don't worry, Tomoyo. I already have all the family I need. Nakuru and Spinel are my family."

"No, they're not," she says. "They're your guardians. You made them, they're bound to you by magic. They love you, true, but they don't really have a choice... do they? They can't die, and they can't leave. They're like the perfect family; but families aren't perfect, Eriol. They're complicated, and messy, and might disappoint you sometimes, and yes, they might leave or get sick or die. But that's what makes your time with them so precious. You might be missing out on something amazing by not giving them the chance to know you. My father is already dead... but you still have your grandfather. Why don't you call him? Before he dies and you lose your chance."

I can't answer right away, because I'm speechless. Her words were blunt, almost to the point of cruel, but truthful; and they pulled some hidden string within me, and suddenly I realize she's right, annoyingly right, about so many things; and I really am like a sad, angry, lonely child; and as I look at her I realize she reminds me so much of...

"I... I can't," I mutter, still puzzled by the mix of contradictory feelings her words have roused in me. "You don't understand... we barely ever talked. How could I call him? What would I say to this man? I seriously doubt he would want anything to do with me, after nineteen years of an almost non-existent relationship."

"Maybe you're right. But, what if you're not? What if he feels lonely, and misses his grandson, and just doesn't know how to shorten the distance? Both of you could be missing out on something amazing. But amazing things won't ever happen if you don't take any chances; if you don't do anything different, if you don't ever dare to close your eyes and jump into the unknown."

"A leap of faith," I say, perplexed. "Is that what you're asking me to do?"

"Yes," she says. "Like the one I took with you, that night at the bar. It's scary, I know. You have no idea how scary it was for me. But... I would have missed so much if I hadn't done it. That night... changed my life. It changed me. That's when I realized that awesome things can happen, if you're willing to jump outside your safety net… and do things you never imagined yourself doing before."

I look at her, still not out of my amazement, as I sit up and I run my fingers through her hair.

"You know, that night… changed me too," I say. "More than you can imagine. Look, I don't know if I'm really missing something out with my grandfather, but… I have no doubt in my mind that the most amazing thing I could hope for has already happened to me... and I didn't miss it."

"What?"

"I met you."

She blushes a bit, somewhat taken aback; and not giving her time to react, I kiss her. I feel a little dizziness as she kisses me back, but her breath is warm and sweet against my mouth and her arms a bit shaky as they go around me; we're still a bit drunk and soon we lose balance and end up clumsily on the grass, but we don't bother to get up, we just lay there, as the sun keeps rising on the horizon and its warmth starts bathing us. And I feel her head against mine, and her fingers entwining with my fingers and it's really all I need to feel at home, finally, after so many years of wandering.

Let's go, I eventually hear her say between yawns.

Where, I ask.

You know where, she says.

And making use of all of my willpower, I stand up, and help her do the same.

...

"I can't seem to keep my eyes open," she says, almost apologetically, as soon as she lays her head on the pillow.

"Then close them. Date is officially over. You can sleep now," I say, as I lay right next to her, our foreheads almost touching. She snuggles closer to me and sleepily tries to kick off her shoes, and I do the same with mine.

"I don't... want to," she mutters, yawning, with her eyes already closed and her body lying completely limp on my bed, and I know she's just a moment away from falling asleep. "I'll keep you company… in case you have more of those... bad dreams."

"Don't worry... I won't," I say, running my fingers through her hair. And soon enough I realize she's already asleep, and I just want to keep looking at her, just for another minute, before I have to say goodbye to her. I just want to enjoy her closeness for a moment longer, knowing that there will be no next time. God, I feel so tired. I stroke her face, place a soft kiss on her nose, and rest my forehead against hers for a moment.

And then, everything's blank.

...

Why did you lie to her, Clow?

I open my eyes, and she's not here anymore. I touch the sheets on her side of the bed; they're still warm, which means she has just left. Still sleepy, dizzy and confused, I get up and go find her; feeling an intense distress grow inside my chest. Rubbing my eyes, I step out of the room, and into the hallway.

And then...

I'm there, but I'm not really there. And she's there too, but she doesn't know she's not really there. Or does she? It's already day, but the hallway is so dark, that all I can see is her; her white dress waving in the darkness, her bare feet moving towards that door that shouldn't be there but it's there anyway, and I know what is behind that door and all I can think of is that I can't let her get to it; so I run towards her and I call her and I yell her to stop, but it all seems to happen in slow motion, and I know I won't get to her in time. So I just leap towards her and pounce on her and grab her, and we both fall to the floor, but she has this amazing strength and keeps crawling towards the door, never moving her eyes from it, as if she was hypnotized; and with growing desperation I know I need to stop her in any way I can, before it's too late, before it's the end. So I gather strengths from who knows where, and I climb her crawling body, and I don't stop until I'm on top of her, and with a great struggle, I manage to turn her around and make her look at me.

Why couldn't you tell her the truth?

Her eyes are blacker than the darkest night, and they are blank, devoid of any feeling; without any shine or reflection, and they... they horrify me. But even more, the sound that comes from her mouth, and that doesn't sound anything like her voice.

"The key…"

She reaches up and in a swift movement, rips the chain from my neck, and the small, golden key that was hanging from it starts shining in her hand, and growing, and changing its shape, and suddenly it's no longer a key at all.

You can't shield her from your darkness.

In utter horror, I see the thing she holds in her hand now.

A dagger.

"Let me go," she says. "It's calling me. I must..."

"No!" I yell.

And then, without a moment's hesitation, she thrusts the dagger into my chest, up to the hilt; I feel the cold blade breaking through my skin and my bones and sinking into my flesh, and a piercing pain in my heart, and suddenly there's so much blood, sprouting from my chest in a gush and falling through her arms and tainting her white dress, and I taste blood in my mouth, and there's pain, so much pain I can barely stand it, and I try to breathe and I can't, and I feel life quickly flooding away from me, and...

In rattlings I look up, and the last thing I see is her: black hair, red eyes, twisted smile on her face. Standing in front of us.

Your wish... has been granted.

And then everything turns dark.

...

I wake up all of a sudden, all covered in sweat and still feeling a piercing pain in my chest and choking for air. I sit up, and take a hand to my ribs in a desperate attempt to remove a blade that isn't there; then I realize I'm on my bed, and my shirt isn't torn, and there isn't any blood anywhere. And she's also here, sleeping next to me.

But she's not sleeping peacefully; she's turning and twitching and letting out strangled sounds of anguish. So without any further thinking, I grab her by her shoulders and shake her strongly, calling her.

She opens her eyes; but when she sees me, she just lets out a shriek of horror. Then she looks at her hands, at my chest, and rips open my shirt.

"What… what the hell was-?" she exclaims, staring at me with horror-filled eyes. "That… that wasn't a dream! What was it? Who is that woman, Eriol?"

And as I hear her, I can feel myself go pale. Because if she has seen that, if she has somehow consciously participated in that dreadful vision, then… maybe it's already too late to change it, to stop it from happening.

"I don't…"

"No!" she yells. "Don't lie to me. I want the truth, Eriol! I just stabbed you! Do you understand? I drove a dagger through your heart! I had your blood on my hands, and... I... I couldn't stop it! I couldn't stop myself! There was blood… so much blood... and I saw your eyes completely lifeless… and then you... just died on me. And that woman… she said… she said..."

"Listen to me! You have to forget it. Forget anything she said!" I say, holding her by the shoulders.

"No!" she replies, staring at me with a defiant gaze in her eyes. "You have to tell me what's going on. Eriol, you have to, you owe it to me! What I just saw... it wasn't just a dream. I know it wasn't. I deserve to know what the hell it was!"

For a moment, I can't do anything but look at her and sigh. Her body is trembling in utter distress, and covered in sweat too, and her eyes…

"Okay," I finally say. "You're right... I owe you the truth. I still don't understand it fully myself, but… I'll try to explain. I… I never wanted you to be involved in any of this; but the truth is... the day I came back to Japan... the night I found you at that bar…"

She's staring at me, waiting for those words that would reveal to her the unexpected, dreadful truth; and I have to take a pause for a moment and inhale deeply, painfully; if anything, to gather courage. Because a dream will be shattered once I dare to let them out.

"I had come here to die."

…

---

Author's notes:

Alright, people… as you might have noticed... happy-fun-time is officially over.

Things will get dark.

Not much else to say, really. Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been really busy and it was really hard to get right the feel I wanted for this chapter. With some luck, I might have accomplished my goal. Or I might not. As always, I'd love to know your thoughts.

See you all in next chapter!