Chapter Summary: Opposite sides of the same coin. Levi denies you an opportunity to utilize your skills as a Scout, so you decide to go rogue...in a very big way.
Author's Note: Hi Fanfic Family! I realize that I've cast Levi in a very unkind light, and that his obsession with protecting you is unfair and (maybe a bit toxic?) But I plan to have this addressed and corrected in chapter six, where he apologizes for his behavior and makes an extreme decision that - in an odd way - puts things right. But! Until then! Welcome to Chapter Three of You, Above Anything Else.
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The previous crew had returned and reported signs of Titan activity near Wall Maria. They had been unable to eliminate the beasts due to the low numbers and relative inexperience of the Scouts on the crew. Thus, they had traveled only far enough to map out the Titans' projected movements. Judging by their reports, it seemed as if the Titans had wandered into the desert land closest to the wall during the night and then had traveled back into the easternmost forest where all tracks had been lost.
Although it seemed as if the Titans were drawing a retreat, the superiors had decided that it was necessary to follow them and eliminate as many as possible. A dead Titan was better than a Titan that lurked in the shadows of the forest, waiting for its chance to reemerge and wreak havoc upon the outermost wall.
There was an electric urgency in the air as your crew prepared to leave. This was it. This was the sort of mission that guaranteed conflict. The prospect of danger - and death - was sobering. Levi's team had been chosen due to the advanced skill of the members, as well as the cool-headed ruthlessness of its leader. You noted with satisfaction the steadiness of your hands as you prepared your horse. A frantic heart and quivering limbs betrayed the fright of a soldier, and fright held no merit in the face of combat.
A Scout named Pip stumbled past you and fell flat upon the ground. He looked up at you with a pale face and stuttered a quick apology. Levi suddenly appeared and lifted him bodily by the shoulders. He shoved him towards his horse and barked an order which was met with a sloppy salute. You could see the condensed anger flare within Levi's eye as he paced among the Scouts. With a deft precision that came with years of experience, he orchestrated the preparations for the event while at the same time informing the crew of the plan.
You listened closely, your ear trained to the sound of his voice above the whining of the horses and stomping of feet. Despite the clamor, the Scouts held their tongues as they rushed about, for no one dared speak above Levi. You heard him mention a Crescent Sweep and your stomach dropped.
The Crescent Sweep had been designed specifically for small crews attempting a quick, head-on attack with a small group of Titans. As its name implied, a mounted crew would approach the affected area in a widely spaced crescent formation. Scouts at the left and right ends of the Crescent would lead the formation. Due to their front-most positioning, they served as the lookouts. Once a group of Titans had been spotted they would send up a signal and double back. The 'cupped' end of the formation would then rush forward to attack while at the same time the lookouts would move in to close the crescent, thus entrapping the group of Titans in a tight circle. This was more effective than rushing the Titans in a single formation, as it combined the element of entrapment with strategic spacing. Furthermore, the plan included a segment of Scouts sectioned off in a line farther behind the Crescent. This segment - known as the Sweepers - acted as the second wave of the attack. The purpose of the Sweepers was to ensure the safety of the surrounding area before rushing into battle. It eliminated the element of surprise. If the first wave was to fall, or more Titans were to approach from unguarded areas during the attack, it was the Sweepers' job to act accordingly.
There was a catch, however. If all went well during a Titan confrontation, the Sweepers usually did not have to interfere until the enemy numbers had been either wiped out completely or greatly diminished. Thus, the rate of survival amongst the Sweepers was higher than that of the crew that formed the Crescent. Therefore, a Sweeper was considered a lucky position to be given.
As was to be expected, Levi had reserved the spot at the center of the Crescent for himself. This was considered the most dangerous position, as it was the first point of contact between the Scouts and the Titans. The threat to his safety concerned you greatly, but you wouldn't let yourself give in to your fears. Levi was Humanity's Greatest Warrior - he could handle his own. And yet still….
He wandered along the line of Scouts beside you, assigning them each a position within the Crescent. Sasha and Mikasa were designated positions Crescent One and Crescent Two accordingly- the tips of the Crescent. Eren and Conny were assigned Crescent Eight and Crescent Ten closer to Levi within the curved end.
He stopped before you and you folded your hands neatly behind your back. You couldn't imagine where he would place you, but judging by the promise that he had made to you on the previous mission, you assumed that he would grant you a position within the danger zone of the Crescent.
"Y/n," he said, stopping right in front of you.
"Sir!
"Sweeper Three."
It was as if you had been punched in the gut. You stared down at him in shock. White-hot rays of sunlight cascaded between you, and you felt as if the universe were trying to hold you back from grabbing him by his scrawny shoulders. A bead of sweat rolled down your nose and melted in the space above your lip. His eyes traced its slow descent and then he looked back up at you. His brow still bore traces of frustration from having to deal with the hassles of preparation and for some reason this angered you more.
A Sweeper, of all things! You hadn't expected that at all. Sure, it was better than camp cook but it didn't afford you the opportunity that you needed to utilize your skills. With a Sweeper, it was a 50/50 chance as to whether or not you'd actually get to see a Titan. Not to mention that Sweeper Three - a spot in the middle of the flank - was relatively protected by Sweepers One, Two, Four, and Five.
He was watching you intently, perhaps expecting you to offer some retort. But you couldn't. You had no ground by which to demand a different position, and appealing to his hidden endearment of you was unfair. And, if he were to grant your request with no discernible reason, the crew might begin to suspect favoritism or even privilege.
But still! Coming out of kitchen duty only to be moved into the relative safety of a Sweeper position proved to you that Levi still had lingering doubts about putting you in the line of danger.
But whatever. Now wasn't the time to challenge him. You'd do the best with that you had been given.
"Tsk," you said under your breath. "That's fine."
Levi had turned and was walking away. Now, he paused with his shoulders tensed. He let his foot down gently and turned away from Armin to face you. You could tell by Armin's wide eyes and pursed lips that he had seen something in Levi's face that did not bode well for you.
"Y/N," Levi's voice, when he called you, reminded you of creeping thunderstorms and coiled snakes. His hair whipped across his face as he turned to look at you. How frightening such a pretty face had become, and when his eyes met yours all traces of love had disappeared. This was a different Levi: angry, annoyed, distracted. And you knew it wasn't your response but the weight of the world that had set him on edge. "I don't remember asking you to evaluate my choice in making you a Sweeper."
"With all due respect, Captain, my words were not directed at you."
"Hey, um, Captain-" Conny started but Levi put a hand up to silence him. Oh, he was pissed. You could tell even though he was trying his best to hide it.
"Huh," he exhaled, as if suddenly coming to a realization that afforded him the higher ground. He folded his hands neatly behind his back. "Very well, y/n. It seems as if you're not satisfied with the position that I've offered you, eh?" He watched you, waiting for you to speak. But you kept your mouth firmly shut. It was a trap that he was leading you in, one that you could not escape. "Well…?"
You had to choose your next words carefully. When you spoke, it was with a clear and slow emphasis. "I'll accept any position which you see fit for someone with my skill set, sir."
"Good," he said, with a slight smile. Armin had turned away to face the commotion growing in the distance. "Congratulations. You've been promoted to Watchtower."
"WATCHTOWER?!" You couldn't help yourself. Your hands slipped out of their neat hold. You took a step forward as if to grab him but stopped yourself just in time.
The Watchtower position was reserved for crews that had enough men and women to spare. Thus, it had been phased out of the major formations and had fallen obsolete. It required one or several Scouts to take to the highest ground during a battle and simply observe. Watchtowers acted as sentries whose main focus was to gauge the field and watch for any signs of weakness within the Regiment. These weaknesses came in the form of fallen Scouts, Titans that had overpowered a part of the formation, faulty gear, geographical disadvantages, sudden changes to the plan, etc. In layman's terms, the Watchtower was used as a backup that would only join the battle if something had gone wrong, or if there was a notable point of weakness within the formation. It was the Regiment's way of covering all bases - in other words, it was a way of keeping spare bodies on hand if the lower-ground crew was killed.
But. In a well-fought battle with all bases covered, no fatalities, and all forms of weakness anticipated and eliminated, the Watchtower would not participate in any forms of combat. None whatsoever.
And since Levi's crew was the best when it came to Titan combat, you had been given the role of essentially doing…nothing.
In a cool and casual way, Levi had not only demoted you but managed to stab you in the back without a weapon in his hand.
You were so blinded by rage that you didn't even notice him walking away from you. You roused yourself and chased after him, despite the urgent warnings issued by the crew. You elbowed and shoved your way through the crowd until you saw him. His back was turned to you as he talked with Hange and this irked you tremendously.
"Captain," you said, your voice quivering with rage. The two of them looked over at you curiously. You could barely get the next words out of your mouth, you were breathing so heavily. "May I have a word?"
He nodded at Hange. She stepped away respectfully, affording the two of you a small sense of privacy. He braced his hand against his horse's flank and stared at you. To anyone else, his eyes would have seemed empty but you knew him well enough by then. There was regret there - you saw it in the tenseness of his jaw and the small, curved line between his eyebrows. Sometimes words weren't needed to convey the sheer magnitude of emotion between two people.
"What is it, Scout?"
"Levi," you whispered, purposely leaving out his title. A woman passing by glanced at you curiously, and the two of you ducked your heads behind his horse. "You've got to stop this."
"Eh? And that is?"
"Sheltering me! Keeping me away from the frontline! You're doing the very thing that you said you wouldn't do during our last mission!"
"Don't flatter yourself," for some reason, he couldn't hold your gaze when he spoke those words. "All positions in the Regiment are dangerous. Titans don't discriminate between a Sweeper, a Watchtower, or a Crescent."
"No, no, no, no, no...no! No!" A group of Scouts appeared and the two of you crawled around to the other side of the horse. You watched them carry a slumped member in their arms while Conny ran ahead of them, his head whipping back and forth.
"Captain?" He called out. Levi popped up over the side of the horse and demanded to know what he wanted.
"Pip is drunk, sir."
"TSK. Then get him out of my sight!" You tugged on his coat and he knelt back down beside you.
"Levi! Levi, look at me!" You moved closer to him. "Listen to me. You've been putting me in low-risk positions ever since I started working under you. First camp cook, then Sweeper, then Watchtower. There's a pattern and you know it!"
"So - what do you think it would look like if I put you in all of the high-risk positions on the crew? They'll think that I favor you."
Your eyebrows raised so high that they could have touched the sky. "Don't you?"
"What do you think?" His face was set but his tone was gentle. "Anyway. They don't need to know that."
"Then don't put me in every single high-risk position! Just give me an opportunity to do some."
"Y/N. All of my Scouts are trained to the same skill level. That's why I rotate through each position at random. Tsk," he looked away. "Why am I explaining this to you?"
"And your…'random' pickings have placed me on the bottom rung every single time?"
"Yes."
"God," you said, closing your eyes in frustration. "Remind me never to let you be the dealer during a game of cards."
Someone called Levi's name and he stood up abruptly. It was Hange, reminding him that she still needed to talk to him sooner rather than later. You tugged on his coat again and he turned to face you with anger mounting in his cold eyes.
"You're belittling my role as a Scout," you said in a low, urgent voice. He shook himself free of your hold and stepped back. His next words were a vehement hiss.
"And you're belittling how much I care for y-...what is it, Conny?"
"Uh, sir, Pip told me to tell you that your mother is a-"
"Levi! Whenever you're done twirling your skirts and tapping your feet! It's now or never!" Hange called. "Get over here! I'm not getting any younger, you know!"
But you wouldn't let him go. So you had assumed correctly. He wasn't choosing your duties at random. He was being overly protective of you...again! He attempted to walk away but you placed yourself in front of him with your arms held out. Tears of frustration were beginning to roll across your eyelashes. "If being with you means missing out on my opportunity to save humanity, then I have to let you go! The world is bigger than whatever's happened between you and I, Levi! I didn't join the Scouts to fall in love. I joined to kill every last goddamn Titan!"
"You'll get your chance! This placement will only last throughout this mission."
"That's what you said last time!"
"Sir," Sasha ran up and tapped his shoulder. He turned to her with a face full of rage and she squealed. "My gear isn't working. I think it's faulty."
"Then fix it!"
"Levi," you continued urgently. "If you won't grant me the freedom to do what I came here to do then I'm going rogue."
He startled and took a step back. "You can't kill every Titan by yourself."
"Maybe not. But I can kill a lot more than if I were with you."
"Captain-"
"Sir-"
That was it. You had pressed the wrong button. He balled his fists and stared at you with such a killer gaze that you were sure that you would fall dead upon the spot. "So you're going to force my hand by threatening a suicide mission?"
"You forced my hand the moment you decided to start protecting me!"
"CAPTAIN-!" Conny called
"Levi-!" You cried.
"Sir, my ODM-" Sasha whined.
"I need you here NOW, Levi! I'm gonna count to three. One...two..." Hange said over the clamor. He shuddered and swung his hands back in a gesture of defeat. His eyes were alight with an ugly and monstrous rage. Spit flew from his mouth as he turned upon you, his face contorted and lips blanched.
"YOU WANT TO CHALLENGE ME WITH INSUBORDINATION?! GO, Y/N, GET OUT OF MY FACE! NOW!"
His voice echoed through the suddenly quiet town. Everybody was staring at you, but you hardly noticed. Never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined him talking to you in such a way. The force of it made you cringe and you stumbled back. But he had nothing more to say to you. The look of pure malice had evaporated, only to be replaced by loathing. He wasn't sorry. Why would he be? Just as you were a pledged Scout, he was still an honorary Captain. There was no way that the walls of your hidden relationship could withstand the blunt force trauma of your militaristic conviction.
You turned away from each other at the same time. With a timing that was eerily synchronized, you walked away from each other: he, towards a group of waiting Scouts and you towards the large shed housing horses and surplus military supplies. You didn't even see where you were going, you just had to get away fast before he could see the tears pouring from your eyes.
You covered your mouth and pushed the old wooden door open. Inside, a group of guards were sitting around a small table. Captain Eli was amongst them. At first, he didn't see you. He was pouring over a scattering of yellowed papers strewn across the table. But then the floorboards beneath your boots creaked and he looked up.
"What are you doing in here, Scout?"
You sniffed and quickly wiped your sleeve over your face. "I was sent to retrieve another horse. Mine...fell sick."
It was a bald-faced lie but he was too busy to question it. He nodded and you continued along the hall. The voice of the guards traveled back to you and you listened, somewhat inattentively.
"...six Titans, most likely. They're traveling in a group."
"And the Abnormal?
"Unconfirmed. The Scout who claimed to have spotted it tends to exaggerate."
"So why send Levi?"
"Because the presence of an abnormal concerns me."
"But I thought you said it was unconfirmed."
"Exactly," you heard a chair scrape back. "That's what concerns me."
You descended the staircase leading to the stables. The horses snorted and flushed their tails as you approached. You weren't sure what had led you to this place. Maybe it was because there was a certain comfort in the presence of animals. No matter who you were, or what you did, they always responded in kind to your touch. They didn't judge. They didn't talk back. And they sure didn't have the power to demote you to trivial positions.
You dug around in your pocket and came up with a handful of dried stalks which you offered to one of the horses. In the corner of the stable lay a pile of discarded weaponry that was either broken or deemed unfit for combat. Upon it, sat an old contrivance known as a 'bow.' You walked towards it and dislodged it from the pile. It was heavy, but assuredly solid in your arms. Lying a few feet away was a quiver full of arrows, which you slung over your shoulder. You had only wanted to see how it felt to wield such a weapon, but the way in which it seemed to settle itself against your body felt good. You unslung an arrow and fitted it against the bow. Your eye graced a point on the opposite wall and you imagined letting the arrow fly. It was just like tossing a knife when it came to aiming the device - and you were very good at knife tossing.
Your fingers curled around the feathers of the arrow and you pulled it back farther, envisioning the eye of a Titan beyond the wooden point. It would be a good strategy, using arrows to blind the Titan and then…
...and then they'd be incapacitated. You lowered the bow slowly and thought. An idea was mapping itself out across your mind and there was no way for you to shake it.
If I were to blind a group of Titans, I'd have the upper hand, you thought, so how would I use that to my advantage? Your eyes traveled upwards to a lantern mounted upon the wall. The fire within curled and recoiled in an amorous way, and you found yourself mesmerized. It reminded you of the last mission, where you had used fire to sear the nape of a Titan's neck.
There - you had two strategies laid before you: blinding a Titan, and weakening its vulnerable spot. So how to connect them?
You gasped and struck yourself on the head. Your ODM gear, of course. Last time, you hadn't been able to use it but now…
You felt the weight of it on your hips. You had become good at using it, really good, and, if incorporated well enough into your plan...well, damn. You were unstoppable.
So. Your thought process went something like this: find the Titan group, take up a high position in the trees, blind them one by one with your arrows, set fire to the remaining arrows, unleash them upon the Titans, use your ODM gear and make quick work of the necks. It was a very loose form of planning and you were sure that you were overlooking certain details but, on a basic level, it could work.
Plus, you had four big things working in your favor. The group that you were going after was relatively small in number. Titans couldn't climb trees, but using your ODM gear you could station yourself out of their reach. Blinding them would give you a considerable advantage, as they would have no way to find and attack you. And, most importantly, you were human. They were not. Titans were nothing more than dumb beasts spurred on by animalistic instinct. Where you could calculate and anticipate and adjust according to reason, they could not. And, if you played your cards right, taking them down could be about as easy as attacking a pack of wild dogs. If you could just maintain an elevated position you would, quite literally, have the upper hand.
You resheathed the arrow and tucked the bow by your side. You knew what you had to do and you did not doubt your abilities whatsoever. You were strong, and proud of your pledge to save humanity. And if you were crazy - well shit - you'd just use that to your advantage, too.
It was better to die with a good conscience than to die not having tried to save the world at all.
You quickly gathered as many arrows as could fit in your quiver. Aside from this, you took a few rolls of musty cotton and hay from the horses' stable. These were stuffed in an old bag that you found buried beneath the heap of miscellaneous items. You felt two-thirds part silly and one-third part heroic, and this you meditated upon as you found the sturdiest horse and opened the gate to its pen.
"A man riding solo into battle with nothing but a coat of sweat on his back and curses in his mouth is not courageous, he's stupid."
Who had told you that? It hadn't been Levi, but another commander of his rank. Well, lucky for you, you were armed with a little bit more than curses and a coat of sweat.
You peeked around the crack in the stable door. Levi was a few paces away. The Scouts had already mounted and were waiting for his orders. Further ahead, the city guards were opening the gate leading to the outside world. No one was privy to the fact that you were planning such a daring move. Indeed, it seemed as if you had been forgotten...for the time being. Levi was an attentive man. It was bound to occur to him sooner rather than later than you were planning some form of treachery.
He knew you a bit too well.
Finally, the gates were opened to their fullest capacity. The Scouts began to move into riding formation. You spotted an empty path leading from the stables to the gates and you decided to take it. You placed a knife between your teeth, pulled yourself up on the horse, and snapped the reins.
The horse reared up in alarm and then burst from the stable doors. The crowds on the street screamed and ducked away in surprise. All the better for them. You were sure that, in your crazed bid at freedom, you would have trampled someone underfoot. The horse's speed increased and soon you were galloping along the sandy avenue. The gates lay open before you, the light spilling from between them beckoning you as if they were the gates of heaven.
The Scouts were quick to steer away from you, revealing, as they did, the figure of Levi staring at you in shock.
Shit. He was blocking your path.
Your grips tightened on your reins. You held his eye as you approached at a sickening pace. It was as it had always been: you versus him - a battle of egos. It was odd that two people who had fallen so deeply for each other should inhabit opposite sides of the same coin.
But when it came down to it, either you would be forced to stop or he would have to move out of your way. Unless he wanted to get mowed down by your horse.
He put a hand to his belt as if to draw his sword. His eyes narrowed and he bent his knees. He was going to do it - the crazy bastard was going to try to stop you and your horse! His eyes were positively aflame as he drew his sword and cursed your name. You saw the glint of silver cut through the sun and you yanked sharply on the reins. The horse's hooves left the ground in a magnificent leap and you watched, as if in slow motion, as Levi ducked beneath it at the last possible second. Your eyes met for a brief second and then your horse was on the ground running again, leaving Levi and the rest of them behind. You exhaled in relief and dug your heel into its flanks as you passed through the gate. Don't look behind you, don't give him the satisfaction, you thought. But all you really wanted to do was see his face one more time.
Because you had done it.
You had passed through the gates and were on your own in the Outside World.
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Ending Notes: There are so many similarities between Jotaro Kujo in my other fics and Levi Ackerman. What can I say? I have a thing for writing about men with black hair and stank attitudes lol. Anyway, BONUS FLUFFY READERxLEVI MODERNDAY NONSENSE!
You and Levi are in the bar of a Gatsby-esque hotel. The band onstage begins to play the instrumental for George Michael's 'Careless Whisper' and Levi sings this song to you. I title this cover 'Careless Levi.'
[Saxophone break. He sways closer. He's holding a cigarette and looking away with distant eyes]
Oh oh oh, ohhh
I feel so unsure
Won't you take my hand and leave behind this cold war,
Where the people die
Look me in my eye
There's nothing that I can hide,
I can't say goodbye
I'd never want to lose a friend
Guilt betrays what I have hidden
Though I hold you back again
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to doubt you, then
And waste the chance the world's been given
But I'd never want to lose a friend
I cannot lose you...ooh, ooh
[He takes one last drag on his cigarette before finally looking at you. He flicks it away and caresses your face.]
Time will only tell
Courageous soldier:
Will you do well?
As the people die
I'm just asking why -
What the hell can I do -
Waging a sacrifice!
I'd never want to lose a friend
Guilt betrays what I have hidden
Though I hold you back again
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to doubt you, then
And waste the chance the world's been given
But I'd never want to lose a friend
I cannot lose you...
[Saxophone break as he spins you around]
Losing without your love...
I see you through a milling crowd
My words are weak, my heart is loud
Maybe it's better this way:
If I hadn't seen your face the other day
A part of me just wants you all!
A part of me can't see you fall!
I know, I have to set you free
(Please stay!)
And I'd never want to lose a friend
Guilt betrays what I have hidden
Though I hold you back again
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to doubt you, then
And waste the chance the world's been given
But I'd never want to lose a friend
I cannot lose you...
Ohh, ohh!
[Saxophone break as tears fall from his eyes. He kisses your hand.]
(I know I'm wrong)
I know I'm wrong!
(I know I'm wrong)
Was what I did so wrong,
So wrong?
I should have went and left you alone
Da da, da-da da da
Da da, da-da da da
[He holds you close and just rocks you in time with the music, all the while knowing that he'll have to let you go.]