Asuka stared at the figure in the mirror before her. Baby steps, Asuka. You can do it.
She reached behind her head and took off the A10 nerve clips. Then she lifted up the back of her hair and began tearing away at the bandages that surrounded her forehead. Once these were gone, she felt around for the gauze covering her left eye and tore it off.
To her relief, she still had her eye. But there was some clear scarring around the socket, the only sign that she had suffered a grievous injury.
She looked at herself in the mirror again, but this time her gaze went to her plugsuit and the bandages around her arm. Well, several grievous injuries.
She looked at the pile of clothing she had pulled from the racks.
Be reasonable, Asuka, she thought. I can't get new clothes without getting rid of the old.
She began by unwrapping the bandages around her right arm, and was immediately greeted by a clear line of scar tissue running from her hand to her shoulder.
"I'll kill you…I'll kill you…I'll kill y—"
She shook the image out of her head as she grabbed at her plugsuit and angrily tried to tear it off of her, grasping at whatever edges she could find and attempting to rip it to shreds.
But she had no such luck. This was strong material, trying to rip it apart was futile.
Asuka kept tugging for a good minute before finally giving up. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to calm down before feeling around for the release button on her wrist. Upon finding it, she calmly pressed it and felt the suit loosen around her body. She let it fall to the ground.
She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror.
The spears of Longinus sticking out from her stomach. Large chunks of flesh torn away. Her own guts spilling out onto the ground before her. Bite marks. Blood and gore.
She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. Then she looked in the mirror.
Scars. Scars covering her entire abdomen. But at the end of the day, they were just scars.
"Okay," she said out loud. And then she reached for one of the dresses.
Asuka emerged from the changing room about 10 minutes later to find Shinji patiently waiting nearby.
He looked up and smiled. "I see your eye's fine."
Asuka touched the area around her eye. "It's working. I guess that's what matters."
Shinji looked at her dress. "You look nice," he said.
Asuka snorted. "Damn right I do," she replied. Then she looked at his attire. "I thought you were going to try on some new clothes."
"…I…I did," Shinji stuttered.
Asuka stared at him, noticing that his clothes looked a little newer than they had an hour ago. "Are you serious? We have a whole store to ourselves, and you chose that stupid white button down and black pants?!"
Shinji looked almost offended. "I like them!"
"Scheiß," Asuka muttered. "Come on." She marched off towards the men's section, leaving Shinji behind.
Shinji sat in silence for about 10 seconds before Asuka reappeared.
"Move!" she shouted, dragging him by the collar with her.
Episode 2: The Past Dictates The Future
"Should we really be making this much of a mess?"
"What, are you gonna call mall security on me?"
Asuka's method of picking clothing for Shinji largely consisted of her putting whatever she liked into his open arms, and throwing whatever she didn't like onto the floor as they passed by.
"Asuka, I really don't need all of this," Shinji called out from behind the massive tower that was now covering his face.
"Listen, Shinji," Asuka stopped for a second. "We can make do with cleaning things, but the fact is we're still growing up, and we need clothes that fit. So it's best to find a style that suits you, okay?"
"What's wrong with my old clothes?"
"They make you look scrawny. Now this—" Asuka held up a vest. "This would make you look like an adult, don't you agree?"
"Not like I can really see it!" Shinji's muffled voice called from behind the pile.
Asuka put her hands on her hips. "Alright, well…here." She grabbed two items from the middle of the pile and tore them out, sending the rest of the things in Shinji's arms flying. "Try these on and if you don't like them, we'll just stick to what you have."
Shinji tiredly looked at the mess before taking the clothes from Asuka. "Fine," he said, before heading to the changing rooms.
He emerged a minute later to find Asuka waiting for him.
"There, you see? A v-neck and jeans—the perfect teenage boy look."
"It's…a little casual."
"Who are you trying to impress, me? Pfft, in your dreams, Third."
Shinji muttered something.
"What?"
"I said don't call me Third." He didn't look very happy. "I don't—I don't want to think about that."
Asuka was taken aback. "Oh. Okay…Shinji." Then, "Alright, we've got your fashion settled. Let's just get a few more shirts in that size, then head to that camping store and see what we can scavenge."
They arrived back at the house at around midday. Shinji neatly stacked their clothing on one of the living room's coffee tables to be sorted later, while Asuka looked through the bag of camping supplies from the store they had raided.
"You know," she remarked. "If we wanted to get into the business of getting actual meat, we could take up hunting. Maybe we should get a crossbow next time."
Shinji looked at her skeptically. "…do we really need meat that badly?"
"I miss fresh ramen," Asuka shrugged. "We could make our own stock, give our meals a boost."
Shinji smiled. He did miss making soup out of fresh ingredients. The broths he was able to come up with were only made with the vegetables he found in the greenhouse. There was nothing wrong with them, but they just weren't all that filling on their own. They were already playing fast and loose with nutrition by living off of instant brand food.
Asuka fished around in the bag a little more, pulling out a black box and a large antenna. "What's this?"
"It's a short-wave radio. I was gonna try to install it this afternoon—we can put the antenna up on the roof."
Asuka looked at him. "…who are you trying to call?"
"Anyone, really. See if there's anyone else out there."
Asuka put down the radio. "Shinji, I've been back for two days. You've been back for weeks, I was the first person you saw since you woke up, and we've seen absolutely no signs of life. Who is going to pick up?"
Shinji looked down. "It's a big country," he shrugged. "And an even bigger world. Maybe there's someone else out there."
"And what are the odds that they'll have a radio transmitter trying to find other survivors?"
Shinji didn't answer. He looked at the radio.
Asuka sighed. "Okay, come on."
"What?"
"Let's install it together. Where's that toolkit you grabbed?"
"There you go," Asuka remarked. "One fully-installed radio antenna, ready for use."
"There's…a lot more duct tape than I thought there would be," Shinji commented.
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Shinji, I went to college, I know how to install a radio antenna."
Shinji chuckled. "That confidence… you sound like Misato."
Asuka didn't laugh. She stared hard at Shinji. "I am nothing like Major Katsuragi," she said.
Shinji nervously laughed, then silenced himself when he saw Asuka maintain the stare. "…I know," he said.
Asuka seemed satisfied with this response. "Let's give that radio a try, huh?" She walked over to the radio and turned it on. "Well Shinji, you can do the honors."
Shinji picked up transmitter. "…what do I say?" he asked.
"You introduce yourself by some identification—I mean, what do you want to identify yourself as?"
Shinji thought for a moment before speaking into the mic: "This is Shinji—"
"No!" Asuka took his hand off the mic. "Whatever you do, do not say who you are."
"Why not?"
"Because a billion souls were sent into that ocean of LCL and learned it was all the result of the decisions of, in this order, SEELE, NERV, and Shinji Ikari. How receptive do you think any returnees are gonna be to hearing you on the radio?"
Shinji thought for a moment. Then he spoke into the mic. "This is Tokyo-3 to any survivors—"
"Survivors? No one survived Third Impact. Call them…the Returned."
Shinji gave Asuka an annoyed glance. "This is Tokyo-3 to any of the Returned, requesting status of…" he paused.
Asuka looked at him curiously. "What?"
Shinji sighed and turned on the microphone again. "Tokyo-3…is anyone out there?" He lowered the mic and waited.
No response.
"Tokyo-3…is anyone out there?"
No response.
"Tokyo-3…can anyone hear me?"
No response.
Asuka watched Shinji's face with each successive broadcast. His hopes that someone would hear him seemed to be drifting away with every second.
"Maybe people are asleep," she suggested. "Or having lunch. Or out scavenging. They're probably not looking for anyone else right now. We should try again in the evening."
Shinji looked at her doubtfully.
"Come on. Let's have lunch." Asuka stood up and walked over to the kitchen, grabbed one of the pots, and headed out towards the well to grab some water. "I want to try this instant curry thing."
Shinji sat in the living room staring at the transmitter for a little longer before following Asuka.
A Little Rain
It rained that day.
Shinji and Asuka were sitting quietly in the living room. They had both changed into some casual wear (they didn't plan on going out for more supplies today) and were sorting through the clothing when they noticed the drops through the outside window.
"Well that's new," Shinji remarked.
Asuka looked at him. "What, you haven't seen rain before?"
"It hasn't happened since I got back," he replied. "It's a little strange…maybe the energy it took to reform your AT Field did something to the weather patterns."
Asuka laughed. "Man…I have as much of an effect on the world as an Angel." She playfully punched Shinji in the shoulder. "I guess that means you have to fight me, huh Third?"
Shinji didn't laugh. "I told you not to call me Third," he said.
A silence.
He stood up. "I'll go see if the tarps on the second floor are holding." And then he was gone.
Asuka watched the raindrops run down the glass. It was grey and dreary out.
Once upon a time Asuka hated the rain. She much preferred a clear blue sky and a sunny day. But now…
"I'll kill you…I'll kill you…"
She stretched her hands out, reaching towards the cursed MP Evas who she knew were preparing to finish her for good.
But the sun blinded her. The sky was entirely blue. Were it not for the destruction, it may as well have been peaceful…
But not for long.
"Asuka?"
Asuka jumped. When had Shinji returned? She quickly lowered her outstretched arm. "Well?" she asked.
Shinji stared at her with obvious concern.
"How are the tarps doing?"
He kept his stare for a moment longer before shrugging. "There's a little dripping here and there, I came back down to grab a pot to collect the water."
"Oh." Then, "Are you gonna keep the rainwater?"
Shinji thought for a moment. "Well…I'm not sure I want to risk drinking it, we don't know what's in it, but maybe we could use it for cleaning things. Good thinking." He grabbed a large pot from the kitchen and headed upstairs.
Asuka glanced out at the window again. Then she looked at her right arm, and traced a finger along the scar that ran down the entire length of her arm.
Shinji returned a moment later to find her still looking at her arm. For a moment he thought about asking, "Are you okay?" but he had a feeling he would get a heated response.
Instead he sat down next to her, a little closer than where he had been sitting before. Asuka seemed to notice this but didn't pay it much mind.
"Why won't you let me call you Third?" she asked after a while. "I mean, that's what I've always called you."
"You also called me baka."
"Oh come on, I haven't called you baka since I got back. Anyway, you cared about when I called you that, but never 'Third.' What changed?"
"I don't want to be reminded of… of back then."
She turned and glared at him.
"What?"
"Of all the idiotic—that is so easy for you to say. Look at this." She grabbed at her shirt and pulled it up, revealing one of the scars on her stomach. "Every time I change, every time I look in the mirror, I have to look at this."
Shinji stared at the scar on her stomach, then looked up at Asuka. He couldn't help but focus on the scarring around her left eye.
"You want to not be reminded of the past? Well good luck with that." She pointed at the scars around her eye. "Because I'm gonna be that reminder. Would you rather I leave?"
"No," he said quickly. "No, I want you here."
It made Asuka feel good to hear that, but she wouldn't show it. "Well let's get something straight, Shinji—I don't have the luxury to forget about the past. And I don't want to ever see you try to forget about it, either."
They sat in silence for a long time.
"…I wanted to help you," Shinji said abruptly.
Asuka closed her eyes as she prepared for what he was about to say.
"But you always pushed me away. You told me you didn't need me, that you despised everything about me. So when you went out there to fight the MP Evas…"
"Shinji, I know you couldn't get inside Unit 01, that wasn't really your fault."
"No, but…even when I heard you struggling…I still thought that you didn't need my help. That I would just make it worse for you."
A long silence.
"I'm sorry I didn't help you out there. I…I didn't try hard enough."
Asuka took a deep breath. "You know how I felt about you, right?"
Shinji had to think for a moment. "In…in what context?" he asked nervously.
Asuka punched his shoulder again. "You know what I'm talking about, you little pervert. 'Invincible wall of Jericho'? When I tried to go to sleep next to you? The…the kiss?" She looked at her hands. "But I couldn't get over the idea of being the best. And when you started surpassing me… I pushed you away." She looked at Shinji. "And I'm sorry for doing that to you."
They stared at each other for a long time.
"Do-do you want to try—do you want to try again?"
Asuka closed her eyes. "Shinji…" She wanted to say yes. But the only thing going through her mind was the sight of Shinji standing over her naked, unconscious body in the hospital shortly before Third Impact, in his most desperate moment before he ended the world.
It revolted her.
So she opened her eyes and said nothing.
Shinji turned away. They were both thinking the same thing: after everything that had happened, after everything they had done to each other, acting on their prior impulses seemed like a childish fantasy.
And somehow that hurt more than not knowing whether the other returned their feelings.
The rain stopped about an hour later.
Asuka gently placed the last of the clothing in her drawer.
She glanced at the plugsuit sitting folded on top of the dresser. She had thought about burning it outside, along with the clips. But after giving it more thought she decided it was better to have a physical memento than to just pretend it was all in the past.
She decided to get a better look at the room. She walked over to the closet and found what she was looking for: another blanket and a spare pillow.
That lazy bum, she thought to herself as she picked them up. He could've come here and grabbed these anytime, but he didn't. Guess I'll have to do it for him.
She was about to carry them out into the living room when something caught her eye—marks on the wall of the closet.
Looking closely, she realized they were tally marks. They numbered well over a hundred.
But before she could think much about them, she heard the crackling of the radio and completely forgot what she was doing.
"This is Tokyo-3 attempting to contact any of the Returned. Can anyone hear me?"
Silence.
Asuka stepped out of her room to see Shinji on the couch, talking into the radio.
He pressed the microphone again. "This is Tokyo-3, is there anybody out there?"
Silence.
"This…Tokyo-3…can anyone hear me?"
There was a desperation to his voice.
Shinji dejectedly lowered the mic. "I'm all alone," he muttered.
Asuka thought about making her presence known. Instead, she quietly tiptoed back into her room and came out again a little more loudly. "Any luck?" she asked cheerfully.
He looked at her, a bit surprised by her demeanor. "…no," was all he could come up with.
"Well, we can try again in the morning," she offered. "Actually, you know what? Let's do a call three times a day: morning, noon, and evening. We'll do that every day, how's that?"
Shinji looked at her skeptically.
"And not just that—maybe we can do it in other languages, too. Watch." She sat down next to him, grabbed the mic, and spoke into it. "Tokyo-Drei…ist da irgendjemand draußen?" And then, "Tokyo-3, is there anybody out there?" She put down the microphone and waited for a moment.
Nothing. "We have Japanese, German, and English covered," she said confidently. "Someone will pick up eventually. It's only a matter of time."
Shinji looked at her. There was a glimmer of hope in his face, something she hadn't seen in quite some time.
"Well then, now that we've sorted that out—you gonna make us dinner or what?"
Shinji sighed. Some things never changed.
Shinji had no idea what time it was. All he knew was it was the dead of night when the door to Asuka's room slid open. He thought she was headed to the bathroom, but instead he felt her throw a blanket over his body and shove a pillow under his head.
This is awfully nice of her, he thought, assuming she would march off to the bedroom without another word.
But when he didn't hear her footsteps he hazarded a glance, only to see her standing above staring straight at him.
For a moment they stared at each other like deer in headlights.
Finally, Asuka let out a "Good night," before darting back to her room and closing the door.
She slept a little better that night.