Author's Note

May 7, 2020

Hey all, UberVenkman here. I don't want to be one of those fic writers who always airs their thoughts on their own works, but I'm gonna preface this chapter by saying it might feel a little out of place from the rest of the fic, and that's mainly because I went back and wrote it yesterday because I thought the story needed to stay in a particular place for a little longer. So if there's a dip in quality, I apologize, think of this as a fanfiction equivalent of a "filler episode."

No dreams of blood, but Misato dreamt she heard voices. Memories of friendly conversations, past lovers, happier days. Memories that only reminded her how much she had lost.

She wasn't used to waking up earlier than the kids. Her circadian rhythm probably had a hard reset after Instrumentality.

She climbed out of bed and immediately started scratching at the itches around her body. The kids hadn't grabbed any pajamas in her size, so she had taken to using the shirts that were left in the closet. None of them were exactly sleeping material, but they made do for now.

She hung up the old shirt and began putting on her regular clothes, which already had a sort of funky smell to them from being soaked in LCL. Today was the perfect day to go clothes shopping. She would bring it up to Asuka and Shinji at breakfast.

As she hung the shirt up in the closet her gaze rested on the tally marks that covered its walls.

They had a sense of what time it was thanks to the truck. And Misato had a good idea of what month it was based on these tally marks.

She had a suspicion Shinji did, too.

She opened the bedroom door and headed to the living room to see if the kids were up, only to nearly trip over herself upon seeing them lying next to each other.

She wished she had a camera. She wanted to take a photo, label it "The Morning After," and then show it to them in ten years' time at a party just to embarrass them.

Episode 5: The Shopping Trip

While Shinji prepared breakfast, Asuka and Misato sat at the table. Misato wasn't really paying attention to Asuka at the moment. She seemed engrossed in the blueprints for the roof.

Civil. I can be civil.

"How did you sleep?" Asuka hazarded a casual conversation starter.

Misato blinked. She looked at Asuka. She looked to her left. She looked to her right. She looked back at Asuka. "Are you talking to me?"

Asuka squinted at her. "Who else would I be talking to?"

Misato thought for a moment. "I slept well," she said with a cheerful undertone. "Thank you for asking."

Asuka looked away. "You're welcome," she mumbled.

"What was that?" Misato teased.

Asuka felt the sudden urge to scream at her, only to notice Shinji watching the conversation. So she stayed silent.

Breakfast was rice, soy sauce, and some reconstituted powdered egg… again.

"I'm getting a little sick of this stuff," Asuka said as she poked at it with her spoon.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," Shinji agreed. "You know, getting a chicken isn't a terrible idea."

Misato smirked. "You two were thinking of getting a chicken?

"For the eggs," Shinji explained. "Or meat, if we wanted to try making our own chicken stock."

"A chicken's a big responsibility," Misato remarked. "Any pet is. You sure you want to commit to owning a chicken as your first pet?"

"Well, it'd be more livestock than a pet," Asuka replied. Then she thought for a moment. "Wait a second…we've had pets."

"We have?" Shinji asked, confused.

Asuka looked at him. "We had a penguin!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Misato replied with dead seriousness as she took another bite of food. "Pen-Pen was more of a roommate than a pet."

"Exactly," Shinji said with a nod.

The room was quiet for a moment as Shinji and Misato continued eating while Asuka stared at them in disbelief.

"Do you think he's okay?" Shinji asked.

Misato stopped eating. "What do you mean?"

"Well…he was with Hikari, wasn't he? Animals weren't really affected by Third Impact, so…" He thought about how to phrase it. "…Hikari left him alone." Oh no, that was terrible.

Asuka squinted. "Way to put a damper on breakfast, Shinji."

"Sorry. Oh, uh, I mean—"

"Apology accepted. Eat your powdered chicken."

Misato lowered her spoon. She hadn't really given Pen-Pen's status that much thought. Suddenly she felt the urge to run to the truck, get in, drive to wherever the Horaki family had evacuated and reunite with Pen-Pen in a dramatic scene out of something from a romantic drama. They would see each other from a distance, than dramatically run towards each other as a flourish of music swelled in the background, and they would be in each other's arms and—

Wait…why was she picturing her and Pen-Pen as the romantic leads?

"Pen-Pen can fend for himself," she said quickly as she tried to forget the thought. "He could have lived in our apartment for months on his own if he wanted."

Shinji gave a nervous laugh. "He might have some opinions about having another bird in the house."

"We'd keep the chicken in the backyard, obviously," Asuka replied. "That's where the dumb birds go."

"Careful now," Misato smiled. "If Pen-Pen sees us do that, he might start a bird liberation movement."

Shinji laughed. Asuka refused to laugh, but she couldn't help but smirk a bit, which was all Misato needed.

"So I was thinking," she said between bites. "Since we're gonna be doing a lot of work over the next few days, I should probably go clothes shopping."

"You know where the mall is," Asuka said dismissively.

There was a pause.

"I was actually thinking the two of you could come along," Misato continued.

"What?" Asuka lowered her spoon. "We went out yesterday! Why didn't you just buy stuff then?"

"Well I suppose that would have been smart, except, you know, we were attacked by a bear."

"Why do you need us? We already have everything we need from that mall!"

"Yeah? And what'd you get? Clothes? A radio? A toolkit? Some camping food?"

Shinji looked confused. "What's wrong with that?"

"What about movies? Or video games? Or comic books? You two have really done well focusing on surviving, but you're still kids. You need stimulation. Why not go on a supply run for something other than the bare essentials?"

Shinji looked at Asuka. "That could be fun."

Asuka pursed her lips. "Fine," she said. "But if you see another bear, Shinji, you'd better book it!"

Misato looked at herself in the mirror.

First there was the scar just below her breasts, her injury from Second Impact.

Then there were the exit wounds along her stomach, from her disastrous final mission to get Shinji into Unit 01. The wounds that led to her death.

No, she couldn't dwell on that. She had died, but she came back. She was getting a second chance. She would raise Asuka and Shinji the way she had always wanted to.

The morning had been surprisingly pleasant. Asuka had actually toned down her sarcastic comments for once. They were on the right track. So she could have a little fun with them today.

She grabbed the tank top and threw it on, only to immediately frown when she realized the cut of it didn't cover her exit wounds.

She took it off and tossed it into the corner. That was the discard pile.

She looked at the pile of clothes she'd grabbed. She had a feeling more than half of these were gonna join that pile.

"What's taking her so long?" Asuka asked.

"She went in with a lot of clothes," Shinji replied.

"She does know there's no one here who will clean up after her, right?"

Shinji looked at Asuka, then looked at the mess they'd left in the aisles only a week before. Then he looked back at Asuka.

"Touché," she snorted.

"Well, how do I look?" a cheerful voice asked.

Shinji and Asuka looked at her and did a double-take. She was wearing a low cut tank top which very much accentuated her cleavage, and a pair of very, very short jeans.

"I think it suits me, right?" she asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Asuka asked. "When the hell have you ever worn something like that?!"

"Clearly you didn't know me in college," Misato replied. "Besides, I'm not planning to wear this all the time. This is just something to wear around the house." She purposely bent forward towards Shinji. "What do you think?" she asked.

Shinji somehow managed to keep his gaze on her face. "I… don't think it's a problem."

"There, see? Shinji likes it."

"He would," Asuka replied sarcastically, glancing down at Shinji's lap.

It took Shinji a second to realize what she was insinuating, and then he had to actually look down to see if he was incriminating himself. Thankfully, he wasn't.

"Made you look, pervert," Asuka snickered. "Alright, fine, who are we to tell you what to wear?"

"Great! I'll model some more things for the two of you!" Misato disappeared back into the dressing rooms.

"God," Asuka muttered. "Talk about disgusting."

Shinji looked at her. "What? She's trying on new clothes."

"Yeah, but does she have to be so provocative about it? It's so over the top."

Shinji thought. "Well…I guess it's a little much."

"Well then tell her to stop."

"Why should I tell her to stop? She's clearly having fun."

"Yeah, well…I'm not! How's that for a reason?"

A moment later Misato returned. "Well?"

Shinji and Asuka looked at her. This time Misato had selected a black tube top, a miniskirt, and fishnets.

"…why would you need an outfit like that?" Asuka asked in disbelief.

"When they open up the nightclubs again!" Misato said with an exaggerated party girl edge. "I'm gonna get wasted and dance the night away!" She did a little dance. "What do you think, Shinji?"

Shinji stared at Misato for a moment. "Well…" He glanced over at Asuka, who was looking increasingly annoyed. "…shouldn't you maybe focus more on clothes you can work in?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well we're gonna be building a roof for the next week or so, you need something a little more…conservative."

Misato stared at him. "Conservative."

"Yeah, like…overalls."

"There you go!" Asuka said. She didn't appreciate that Shinji hadn't outright said "stop being provocative," but she would take what she could get. "Here." She went over to a shelf, grabbed a pair of some plain denim overalls, and handed it to Misato. "The perfect casual labor fashion. You can get as much dirt and grime on it and it'll still look presentable."

Misato looked at the overalls doubtfully. "Well, okay." She took them and went back to the changing rooms.

"There see?" Asuka said. "It's amazing what a backbone can do for you."

"If you say so," Shinji replied.

A few minutes later Misato returned. "This conservative enough for you?"

Shinji and Asuka looked, and then both fell off the bench at the exact same time.

Misato had chosen to wear the overalls…and nothing else underneath.

"Glad you two remember my sync training," Misato mused. "Well? How do I look?"

Shinji stared. And then he started laughing. "What the hell, Ms. Misato?!" he cackled.

Misato was laughing too. "Oh my god!" she howled. "The look on your faces with the first one! I thought I was gonna be the first to break!"

Asuka wasn't laughing. She was fuming.

"Why can't you act like an adult for once in your life?!" she screamed before running off.

A Heart to Heart

Shinji found Asuka in the video store, running her fingers through a selection of horror movies.

"Hey," he said.

Asuka didn't respond.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

Asuka sighed. "About what?"

"You kind of…" He was going to say "exploded," but thought the better of it. "…are you okay?"

Asuka pulled out one of the films. "Tetsuo," she read the title. "Sounds like a laugh."

"I've…seen this one actually," Shinji said. "You uh… you wouldn't like it."

"Really? Is there a lot of gore?" She squinted at him. "I know what this movie is, Shinji, just because I grew up in Germany doesn't mean I don't know Japanese cinema. How did you see it anyway?"

"Toji showed it to Kensuke and me one time."

"God, you three had too much time on your hands."

"Asuka."

She sighed. "It's too much like before."

"What is?"

"The revealing clothing? Showing her figure off to you? The flirting? Shinji, she's been back for two days and she's already falling back into her old habits!"

"She's just joking around!"

"Is that what you think? What if she decides to kiss you again? That'd complicate things, wouldn't it?"

He hadn't thought of that. He really didn't want to think about that. But he wasn't the point. "Asuka, she's just trying to get back into the rhythm of things."

Asuka moved away from him and began looking through the family films section. "My Neighbor Totoro," she said. "Ah, now there's a supernatural creature I can get behind. Imagine if the angels were all giant Totoros."

Shinji gave a frustrated groan. "Look, I can't tell you I understand how you feel about her, but I hurt you more than she ever did and you were still nicer to me when you returned than you ever were previously! Why can't you extend that same courtesy to her?! What's so different about me?!"

Asuka furiously turned to him. "You know exactly what's different about you Shinji!"

They stared at each other for a very long time.

"Asuka," Shinji said patiently. "Just… talk to her."

Asuka sighed. "Fine." She slammed the tape into Shinji's chest as she brushed past him. "We're watching this tonight, by the way."

Asuka found Misato sitting on a bench just outside the store. Misato still wore the overalls, but she was now wearing a baggy t-shirt underneath in preparation for their planned construction work.

"Hey," she said.

Asuka sat down next to Misato. "Just so you know," she said. "I'm only doing this because Shinji told me to."

"You're listening to Shinji?" Misato mused. "That's new."

Asuka laughed sarcastically. "Couldn't believe it either."

They sat in silence for a long time.

Asuka took a deep breath. "What in the name of God made you think that stunt you pulled today was in any way appropriate?"

"I was just trying to have a little fun."

"Well that's not fun for me! Everyone died, Major Katsuragi! You and I both died! And you're acting like you have a free pass to behave the exact same way before that happened! When you act like that, I only think of everything you did wrong."

Misato was quiet for a moment. "I see your point. I'm sorry."

More silence.

Misato lowered her head. "What do you want from me, Asuka?" she asked. "Tell me."

What do you want from her, Asuka?

"I want you to go away."

"I'm not doing that."

"And why not?"

"I'm not leaving you two alone. I'm sorry Asuka, but that's a non-starter."

"Well then we seem to be at an impasse."

"Asuka, I'm trying. I really am. But I need something to work with here."

"What are you 'trying'? To get me to forgive and forget? Because we already established that's not going to happen."

"Asuka, I don't want you to forgive me. Hell I don't expect you to. But right now I'm in the same boat as you and Shinji. I'm not saying I understand exactly what you've been through, but at the moment all three of us are in the same situation—we're trying to survive together."

Asuka was quiet for a moment. "…I see your point," she said finally.

"So… are we good?"

"We are not. Regardless of what you're trying to do, I don't trust you."

The words hurt. But Misato refused to show it.

"But… I think I get what you're asking me to do." Asuka stood up. "Thanks, by the way."

"For what?"

"For trying. I appreciate the effort."

"…you're welcome."

When they got home they spent the entire afternoon getting things ready. Misato used the saw to trim the timber they'd gathered to their design specifications, while Shinji and Asuka took down the tarps on the second floor. Once that was finished, they got to work on installing the frame. Shinji and Asuka mostly stayed on the floor and handed up the pieces to Misato so she could drill them in, only occasionally climbing a ladder or standing on a box in order to hold something in place.

By the end of the day they had most of the frame installed. Their project was really taking shape.

After dinner, Misato went to have a look at the television and found out the issue was actually with a broken wire. After mending it they turned it on, inserted the tape, and watched the film together.

Misato sat on the couch while Asuka and Shinji sat on the floor. It was a fun movie: the three of them laughed at the antics of Totoro and the kids in the movie, and cheered with delight at moments like the Catbus coming to help find Mei.

For a little over an hour, they forgot about angels, and Evas, and the end of the world. It was the most fun any of them had had in a very long time.

After the film was over Misato returned to her bedroom, while Asuka watched Shinji get ready to sleep.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you so willing to forgive her?"

"Asuka, I don't want to talk about this."

"Well I do. She forced you to pilot the Eva. She basically molested you in order to do that. Yet you seem perfectly happy to let her go about her day."

Shinji sighed. "I know what's in her heart. When Instrumentality happened, I saw everything she went through to try to protect me. So… I think she deserves a little more credit."

"Yeah?" She looked away. "I saw her heart too. And it only makes me feel worse."

Shinji was quiet.

"Apparently you have it in your heart to forgive and I don't." She sighed and muttered, "That's what'll always make you better than me."

Shinji looked up. "What did you just say?"

"I said you're better than me, Shinji. Enjoy it, because I'm not saying it again."

Silence.

"I don't think that's true," Shinji said as he lay down to sleep.

Asuka stared at him. What wasn't true? That she was better than him? Or that she would never forgive Katsuragi?

She thought about asking. Instead, she grabbed her pillow and blanket, threw them down next to him, and once again lay down to sleep by his side.

Shinji did nothing to stop her. Not even when she took his arm, put it over her shoulder, and promptly went to sleep.

When Misato woke up the next morning in her new pajamas, the first thing she did was go out into the living room to check on her two charges. She was very surprised to discover a sleeping Asuka clinging to a very much wide awake Shinji.

Okay, now this was the "Morning After" photo she wanted to take.

Shinji, seeing Misato, opened his eyes even wider, as if to say I know what this looks like. Or judging by the way he was bending his leg, I have to pee but I don't want to wake her up.

Misato smiled warmly and mouthed, Just go.

Shinji awkwardly pulled Asuka's arms off of him and sprinted past Misato to the bathroom.

Misato laughed to herself as she stood there in the hallway. Personally, it was hard for her to believe they hadn't gotten up to anything before she showed up.

Then she looked back at her room and frowned. Then again, there were a lot of things that happened before she returned that she didn't know a whole lot about.

When Shinji emerged, he found Misato standing there with her arms crossed. "Yes?" he asked.

Misato took a deep breath. "Could you come to my room for a minute? There's something we should talk about."