The last thing Asuka remembered was seeing a large shadow covering the ground around her.
The next thing she remembered was opening her eyes to a world of pain.
Where was she? What happened? Slowly it came back: there was an argument, she'd come here, she tried to knock down a building.
She hazarded a glance at the lower part of her body andOWOWOWOWOOHMYGOD.
Most of her upper body remained free, but from her waist down she was pinned under what used to be the 2nd floor of the building she had been trying to destroy. She could still feel sensation in her legs, but that sensation was mostly searing pain. Something in her right leg was broken—and the piles of concrete putting pressure on it was only making things worse.
She couldn't think, she couldn't talk. The only thing she could do was scream.
Episode 7: Shrapnel
Thoughts raced through Misato's mind as she made her way to the beach. I have to go back. I can't stay here. This was a mistake. I can't protect them. They can't love me. I need to go back there.
Her pace slowed as she saw Shinji sitting on the beach, staring out at the horizon.
She tried to approach him quietly, but he heard her. "If you were thinking of going back," he said. "Don't even bother. Individuality is irreversible. Besides…you'd be no better than me."
Misato looked out at the sea of LCL. All the souls in the world conglomerating in an ocean of orange liquid. All the souls except hers, Shinji's, and Asuka's.
"Can I show you something?" Shinji asked. He stood up and started walking. Misato followed.
They approached a series of wooden posts propped up in the ground. On closer inspection, Misato grimly realized what they were.
"A graveyard?" she asked.
Shinji nodded. "I was ready to move on," he said. "I was out here for months, waiting for someone, anyone to show up. But after a while, I gave up. I thought I was going to die alone in a destroyed world. So…I tried to find some way to mourn everyone."
He stopped when he found what he was looking for—a wooden post with a white cross nailed onto it.
"But now I realize—this graveyard is like the one my father set up for my mother. A… deception. My way of running from the people I knew would eventually come back. How I would have to confront everything when that happened." He pulled the cross off the post, then kicked it down. Then, he began knocking over every post in the makeshift graveyard. One for Aida, one for Suzuhara, there was even one for Dr. Akagi.
Misato watched silently until he had finished his task.
"Shinji…" she said finally. "I think if we're going to get through this—"
"You don't have to say anything, I know why you—"
"No, I…I want to say this. Please let me."
He looked at her and nodded.
"I love you like my own child, Shinji. I wasn't the best at showing it, but I've cared for you since the moment you arrived in Tokyo-3."
"…I know."
"But… I didn't kiss you because of love. I kissed you because I was desperate. At that moment I thought the fate of the entire world rested on you, and you weren't responding to anything. So tried to give you something I thought you wanted as a last push. That was manipulation."
Shinji took a deep breath. "You manipulated me. Just like everyone else."
"I did. And there's nothing I can do that could possibly make up for that. When I decided to come back, I thought I was getting a do-over. And you were so wonderful, you were willing to give me the chance. But I never considered how you really felt. About having me in your life again after all that happened. I should have realized that the moment Asuka rejected me."
A long silence. Shinji thought she was finished speaking and was about to reassure her that he still wanted her back in his life, only for her to ask something that briefly gave him pause.
"Shinji… am I a good mother?"
He thought for a very long time. "You're… you're…"
He hesitated. He wasn't sure how to put this. Misato looked increasingly forlorn at his silence.
Finally, he mustered the words. "You're trying. Really hard. That's more effort than my father ever put in."
Misato laughed bitterly. "That's a low bar."
"I know, but… even after everything you did to hurt me… I still trust you."
Misato let those words sink in. "But Asuka doesn't trust me," she said. "And I don't think she ever will."
Shinji walked over and handed her the cross. "Then keep trying," he said.
Asuka tried to consciously slow her breathing. The pain hadn't subsided, but it was consistent enough that she could get her brain to think about other things.
The first thought was trying to free herself. This had basically gone nowhere: try as she might she could not pull herself out from the debris, and she didn't have the strength to lift it up so she could pull herself out much further.
The second thought was trying to survive. This was most important. She feared if she gave up on this instinct the debris would flatten her completely and she would be a goner. It was a miracle she was still alive, and she preferred to keep that miracle going for as long as possible.
Her third instinct was to call for help. But who was she going to call to? Shinji? Ms. Misato? Neither of them knew where she was. She cursed under her breath—why had she never told them where she went in the evenings? In survival situations, always tell people where you're going.
Her stubbornness, her inability to accept Shinji and Ms. Misato as confidants, could cost her life.
Or just her legs.
Oh right, pain.
Asuka suppressed the urge to scream again. Both Shinji and Ms. Misato were off the table. Who was she going to ask for help?
Then she saw something. It was something she hadn't expected to see so soon. She wasn't even sure if it was something that was even sentient. Hell, it could be a hallucination. But it was all she had now.
"Hey, Wonder Girl!" she shouted. "I know you can hear me! Get help!"
Rei stared back at her.
"REI!" she screamed. "HELP ME!"
Misato and Shinji walked silently back towards the house.
"I… I don't know how to talk to her," Misato said as they approached.
"I'll go in first," Shinji said. "Hopefully she'll have calmed down by now." And he went straight for the door and entered the house.
Misato sighed. It was hard to believe this was the same scared little boy she rescued from the third angel so long ago.
She happened to glance up to the roof, the fruits of their labor, and immediately did a double-take. Standing on the roof, staring right back at her, was the ghostly figure of a blue-haired girl clad in a school uniform.
"Rei…?" she asked slowly.
Rei said nothing. Instead, she raised her hand and pointed her finger outwards. Misato's gaze turned to follow the direction she was pointing.
Shinji emerged. "She's not back yet," he said. "Maybe we—Ms. Misato?" He looked up at the roof and froze. "Rei?" And then he grinned. "Rei!" He tugged at Misato's arm. "Ms. Misato, you saw her too, right?"
Misato looked back up at the roof. Rei had disappeared. "I think…"
"That means someone else must have come back!" Shinji looked excited. "Let's head back to the beach, I want to see—"
"Wait a minute, Shinji."
Misato looked out in the direction of where Rei had pointed. What was over there? She pictured a map of Tokyo-3 and the surrounding area in her head. Over there would be some buildings, but those would have been in the path of an N2 mine blast. They were probably ruins at this point, there was nothing there that could—
Suddenly she knew where Asuka had been going for the past few days.
And then, with a sinking feeling, she knew what Rei was trying to tell her.
"ASUKA!"
Motherhood
How long had it been? Asuka had no sense of time. It could have been hours. It could have been days. Maybe it was only a few minutes.
She was in so much pain she was losing all sense of her surroundings. It didn't help that the sun had gone down, and the surrounding area was plunged into darkness. She was beginning to hear voices, the sounds of her past reminding her of her every action over the past few weeks.
She thought of other things. The sensation of cuddling up to Shinji. The warmth of her mother's support for that brief moment in Unit 02 before the MP Evas took her away. All she could think about was moments of warmth, to keep her distracted from how cold the air was and just how alone she felt in this moment.
Cold. Cold… why was it cold? What month was it? Cold meant winter. No wait, not winter—fall. They'd thought it was September, or October maybe. Shinji had said he'd only been back for a few weeks. But that didn't make any sense. He was the impetus behind Instrumentality. The moment he was exposed to it, he rejected it. The world went to hell in January.
And now Asuka was cursing herself for not inquiring about those tally marks she had seen in his closet.
"I'll tell her when she's ready."
"I was ready, Shinji. I could have helped you!" She couldn't blame him for being reluctant to tell her. Instead of supporting him like she'd sworn to do before, she'd pushed him away. Him and Ms. Misato.
She was only trying to help you.
Asuka thought back to the times she'd walked in on Misato hugging Shinji. God, it was absurd just how close they were. But then again they'd been through a lot just before Third Impact.
He only wanted to make up for lost time.
"I was jealous."
Jealous of what?
"…"
Jealous of her?
"…"
You saw her kiss him, but you also saw her heart. You know she didn't like him that way.
"…"
She's twice his age, you really thought that was ever gonna work?
"…"
No, no that wasn't it.
"…"
Come on, Asuka. It's on the tip of your tongue.
"I was jealous of him."
Why?
"Because of all the attention she was giving him!"
She tried to give you attention.
"She should have tried harder!"
You pushed her away, just like you did to Shinji.
"I know."
And now you're going to die alone, literally crushed beneath the weight of your sins.
"…"
How does it feel, Asuka? To die all over again?
Asuka wanted to cry.
But she can't. She's run out of tears from screaming.
She grabbed at the debris again, another last ditch effort to try to free herself. But it wouldn't budge.
You're going to die, Asuka. You're going to die the way you were always meant to die. Alone. Defenseless. In a whole lot of pain.
No. No, you're not going to die. You're too strong for that.
You thought you were too strong for the MP Evas.
You slam your fist into the ground and try to pull yourself free. But the pain in your legs only increases and you have to stop.
No, no, NO! Focus on something else, Asuka! Focus on anything!
Little hard to do that when there's a building on top of you, don't you think?
Don't listen to him, Asuka. Listen to your surroundings.
What surroundings? There's only destruction.
Listen, Asuka. Listen.
…
What do you hear?
…
What do you hear?
And that's when she realized. Someone was calling her name.
You're hallucinating.
No. No she was not. The voice was faint. But it was clearly calling for her. And she knew whose it was.
Would she be able to find her in the dark?
Asuka's voice hurt from screaming. But with a final burst of energy, she called out into the night.
"MS. MISATO!"
She heard it. She shined her flashlight around until it rested on the remains of a building. It looked like it had collapsed fairly recently.
"Shinji, over here!"
They ran in the direction of the last scream, facing a massive pile of debris. And sticking out from under the collapsed second floor…
"Oh my god, Asuka!" Misato ran over.
Asuka looked up. Tear stains ran down her cheeks, and it looked like she was completely out of energy.
"Shinji, help me get her out of there!"
Shinji dropped the flashlight he was carrying and with Misato they locked arms around Asuka and tried to pull her out. But they were met by more screams from her and the alarming groans of the building.
Shinji, pained by the sound of Asuka's cries, let go immediately. "We can't just pull her out!" he said. "We need to lift it off of her!"
Misato gravely looked at the debris. This was an entire floor of a building they were talking about. They couldn't lift it with their bare hands. But if she could apply some leverage, they might be able to make enough space to squeeze her out of there.
She got up and looked for something she could use. Finally, she found a long strip of reinforced metal and wedged it underneath the second floor.
"Shinji, I don't know how long I'll be able to lift this up," she said. "So when I say 'now,' pull as hard as you can." She put an arm on Asuka's shoulder. "Asuka, it's going to hurt, but—"
"Just do it!" Asuka seethed.
Shinji nodded as he wrapped his arms around Asuka's shoulders. "We're right here, Asuka," he whispered.
Misato summoned all her strength and pushed down hard on the metal bar. She heard the entire structure creak, but could see it just barely lift. "NOW!"
Shinji pulled as hard as he could.
Somehow the sensation of the pressure alleviating from her legs hurt even more than them just getting crushed. Asuka wanted to scream. But she was mostly screamed out.
Shinji gritted his teeth. He hadn't summoned this much strength in a long time. But he needed to help Asuka.
He pulled and he pulled. And finally, with a sudden jerk, Asuka slid out from underneath the debris and out into the open, just as Misato finally lost her momentum and let go of the bar, sending the second floor crashing down on the spot Asuka's lower body had been only seconds before.
But Asuka couldn't relish in her newfound freedom. The pain in her legs was now the only thing on her mind. She now had a good look at them, and she immediately felt nauseous from the sight. She closed her eyes. She couldn't look at it, but she could still feel it. She needed to escape. She needed relief. She needed… she needed…
"Misato!" Shinji cried out as Asuka slumped over in his arms. "She's…"
Misato felt Asuka's pulse. "She's just fainted," she said grimly. "Let's get her back to the house. There's gotta be something in the first aid kit we can use." She knelt down and gently lifted Asuka up in her arms.
"She'll make it through this, won't she?" Shinji asked.
Misato wasn't so sure. They could conceivably make a splint, but she didn't have enough medical knowledge to know where to go from there. She didn't even know just how badly injured Asuka's legs were—were they broken? Were they completely crushed? Would she have to amputate them?
But none of that mattered now. At the very least they needed to get her to safety.
"Come on," she said. And as quickly as she could, she began running back for the house.
Asuka stirred. She briefly opened her eyes to see Misato with a determined look on her face. She realized she was being carried.
And for a moment, just a single moment before she fainted again, she felt like she was in her mother's arms once more.
It began to rain.
"Ms. Misato?" Shinji called out. He knew what this meant.
"Not now, Shinji!" she replied. "Just keep going! We'll check the beach later!"
Shinji tried to shake off the question now on his mind. Who had returned?
They arrived back at the house shortly after.
"Shinji, clear off the kitchen table!"
"Wait, why not a bed?"
"We need the elevation, just do it!" She shut her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, just—"
"Right away." Shinji ran to the table and frantically got rid of what was left of dinner. He did a quick wipe down of the surface with a towel before Misato laid Asuka down on it.
"Get a pillow for her, and some towels! And the medkit Shinji, the medkit!" She gently cupped Asuka's face while Shinji ran to get everything. "Stay with me, Asuka," she whispered. "You're going to get through this."
Shinji returned carrying everything, but then he got a good look at Asuka's legs. He nearly vomited from the sight. Both legs were covered in blood, but her right leg especially was severely misshapen. He could see pieces of fractured bone sticking out.
"Shinji, focus!" Misato shouted. But she too was feeling ill. There was very little she could do about Asuka's leg: a splint wasn't going to fix this. She couldn't perform any surgery to correct the injuries, not without the equipment or medical knowledge. There was nothing she could do, short of…
She grabbed the medkit, pulled out a roll of bandages, and quickly made a tourniquet around Asuka's right leg.
"Where's the saw?" she asked.
"Why do you need the—" And then he realized. "Misato, no!"
"Shinji, the only way I can stop this from killing her is removing it!"
"I don't care!"
"If the wound gets infected, there's nothing else I can do!"
"If you do this she's never going to forgive you!"
"That doesn't matter right now, I'm trying to keep her alive!"
"No, NO! There's gotta be another way!"
"I'm not a doctor, Shinji! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't even—"
The doorbell rang.
The room went dead silent.
The only sound was Asuka's shallow breaths.
It rang again.
"…I'll get it," Shinji said nervously. He quickly made his way for the front door.
Misato looked at Asuka. They didn't have the resources to care for another person. They were barely surviving together as is, to throw someone new into the mix at this moment was just going to be too—
"Ms. Misato?!" Shinji called from the hallway. He sounded alarmed. "Ms. Misato! It's—!"
It was who? She wanted to stay with Asuka, but there was something in Shinji's voice that made her worried.
She ran out into the hallway. "Who is it?" she asked.
Shinji nervously stepped back to let the person in.
"Hello, Katsuragi."
Misato recognized the lab coat and the fake blond hair before she even recognized the face.
"So," Ritsuko Akagi said. "I heard you needed a doctor—"
SLAP.