Blue

by Lady of the Spirit

Destiny's a funny thing, isn't it? You can't control it.Take my life for example.One moment, I'm living a perfect life with my dad in the Fire Nation. The next thing I know,it's 2 years later, I'm friends with the Avatar,and my friends and I are on the run from the hotheaded Prince of my own Nation. Oh, and did I mention I can bend two opposite elements?

39. Butt-Kicking and Decisions

I am an ass, but if I try to apologize it will sound hollow, because I've apologized so many times that by now it's just a standard procedure, so I'm not going to even bother.

And also I was spending the summer more or less planning out my future FMA fic plotline.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender or any characters thereof. Nickelodeon, and Mike and Bryan the proud owners of the fantastic show, while I am just a High School student and am writing this for my own amusement. I only own my own characters, and/or any plot twists that are caused because of them.

Wherein There is Butt-Kicking and Decisions to Make

Later that day, I honestly wouldn't remember much of the walk back to the small house Chief Arnook had given me and my friends for our visit.

I did, however, remember how I had walked out of Umi's cave as fast as I could. She didn't try to stop me, just like she promised, which I was grateful for. And I did remember slipping and nearly falling into the canal twice as I followed it back to the main city. And I did remember how I was feeling during that entire walk back.

I remembered not knowing exactly what I had been feeling. I remembered feeling angry and sad and frustrated and scared and just – just overwhelmed. I remembered feeling like there was something churning in the pit of my stomach and I felt like I was going to throw up, and I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to, and I wanted to hit something, but I didn't want to, and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, to get rid of the helplessness and anger I felt, but I just… couldn't. I remembered feeling as though there was something lodged in my throat, preventing me from making a sound. I remembered not wanting to think about what Umi had said, and at the same time, not being able to get it out of my head. Every word she had said, everything about me having to choose, kept floating to the front of my mind and refused to leave. I remembered at one point, I collapsed to my knees and began running my hands through my hair in an attempt to calm myself down.

Most of all, I remembered what I kept thinking:

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

And then I had fallen face-first into the snow, rolled over onto my back, and stared at the bright blue sky. I couldn't find it in me to care about the fact that it was freezing, or that I could feel some of the snow beginning to seep in through my parka. I just stared at the sky, breathing in and out, over and over again.

And then I lifted my hand into the air, stretching it out towards the sky. I felt its warmth, spreading across my palm and my fingers, down to my wrist. It was something I had never actually thought about before – I had always just thought of the sun as there. As a firebender, I knew that the main source of fire – the fire of those who had been taught properly, at least – was the sun. The sun gave life to everything on the planet, and so firebenders were taught not to use their hatred as the source of their bending, but the sun – so their fire was not seen as only destructive, but also as a source of life. Unfortunately, most of the firebenders my friends and I had run into seemed to use their hatred as a source of firebending, so it seemed like that particular lesson had become more or less obsolete, but I knew there were some – like Iroh, and Zuko too if Iroh's lesson had sunk in at all, even if just a little bit – that still learned and taught about the importance of the sun.

I had never thought about the sun a whole lot. It was just there. It was the source of my fire, but I never thought of it in that way. Maybe it was because most firebending I learned, I had read from scrolls. I had never had a permanent, living, breathing teacher before, and so maybe it was because I had to learn from reading instead of a living source that my firebending had never reached its full potential.

I felt a lump in my throat. And now I might never reach my full potential. I swallowed, before letting out a heavy sigh.

I wonder how much time I have left…

~~Water~~

Not surprisingly, when I returned to the house the chief had given us, I was the only one there. Presumably, Sokka was at warrior training - he had mentioned something about it at breakfast - Aang was training with Pakku, and Katara was… well, the chief had told me that women weren't allowed to learn how to fight, and while I seriously doubted Pakku would teach her, I also doubted that Katara would give up on her dream to master waterbending so easily. Especially since it was because of her gender. So I really had no clue what she was doing. This, in all honesty, was fine with me. I really didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment, considering the circumstances. All I wanted to do was take a nap.

So I grabbed a spare fur blanket, flopped down onto the fur rug spread out on the floor of our house, threw the blanket over my body, and curled into a ball.

As I tried to fall asleep, I let my mind wander, and I remembered what Jeong Jeong had said about dual-benders like me. Reach full power at sixteen, my ass. I thought bitterly. Where the hell did that legend even come from? If Ozai really believed it was true, I would have ended up becoming a weapon of the Fire Nation for nothing. That was the whole reason he wanted me, wasn't it? And it wasn't even true.

I pulled the blanket over my head. My life would have been destroyed because of something that wasn't even true.

So there really wasn't any reason for my father to send me away…

I shot straight up, eyes growing wide as a thought occurred to me. Did my father know about it?!

Had my father known about the truth of my dual-bending? Did he always know that I would have to choose between my elements? He must have - knowing my father, the moment he learned about my bending two elements, he would have gone out and tried to find as much information on it as possible. Something about choosing between the two elements must have come up at some point in his research. So he must have known!

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. My father wouldn't have just accepted I could bend two elements without doing any research, and he must have found out about the truth at some point. He had to have known from the very beginning. And he still sent me away! I clenched my teeth and buried my face in the fur blanket. That must have been it. He knew that the legend about me gaining immeasurable powers was bull, but he saw a chance to get rid of me without looking like the bad guy, and he took it. That's what he did! It makes perfect sense!

I collapsed back onto the ground, hiding under the blanket. Well, fine. Fine, I don't care. I don't care about him anymore. He can die for all I care.

~~Water~~

"You look awful." Sokka told me the moment he walked into the house and saw me.

"Why don't you shut up." I scowled at him, scratching my head and tangling my already messy hair even more. I had been unable to fall asleep, even to take a simple nap, and so pretty much all day I had either been rolling around on the ground underneath the blanket, or walking in circles around the house, thinking about what Umi had said. And of course, while doing this, I had pulled at my hair relentlessly, scratching my head and running my fingers through my hair, so my hair was a frizzy, tangled mess.

"I didn't think you'd be here." Sokka said, placing his boomerang, machete and club on the ground where his sleeping bag was. "I thought you'd be with that lady who said she could help you master your elements."

I froze for a moment, eyes glued to the floor, before I looked up and smiled cheerfully. "Oh, it went fine." I said. "Finished earlier than I thought I would, though, so I just came back here to hang out. How was warrior training?"

Sokka gave me a weird look - no doubt wondering why I was so cheerful all of a sudden. "It was fine. So you finished early, huh?"

"Yeah. What did you do in training?"

"We just went over some hand to hand combat and how to block an enemy's hit. Are you going to go back to the lady tomorrow?"

"No, probably not. That sounds interesting! Make any friends?"

"Uh, no. So have you mastered your elements, then?"

"No, I'm just not going back. So-"

"What do you mean, you're not going back?!" Sokka exclaimed, all pretense that things were fine completely gone. "I thought the whole point of you going to her in the first place was so you could master firebending and waterbending and now after one meeting with her, you're 'not going back'?!"

"Yes, and if we could drop this conversation, I would appreciate it, thank you very much." I said through clenched teeth, smiling widely.

Sokka gave me a suspicious look. "Did something happen?" He asked, raising one eyebrow.

"None of your business."

"I think it is my business if one of my friends is pretending everything is fine when it's not."

Where have you been for the past two years? I wondered briefly, before I gave a long, overly-dramatic sigh. "Sokka, please, I just don't want to talk about this right now. Can you, please, just drop it?" I sounded almost desperate towards the end. Sokka must have noticed, because he gave me another suspicious look, before he gave a small sigh.

"Okay, fine, I'll drop it - for now!" He added, pointing a finger at me. "But we will talk later. Alright?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and instead shrugged. "Whatever." If he didn't forget, I would just keep out of his way as much as I could until he did forget.

As much as I didn't want to talk about my visit with Umi, with anyone, I couldn't help but think, Why is it I don't want Sokka to know? Why don't I want anyone to know? But before I even finished my thought I knew the answer. I didn't want anyone to know because it simply didn't concern them. This was my life, my problem. None of my friends needed to know anything about it. They wouldn't be any help, anyway. How could they? They didn't have to make a decision that would probably affect their entire life by the time they were sixteen. I couldn't even think of any decision Aang, the person most likely to have a huge decision to make, might have. Katara and Sokka both knew exactly what they were doing with their lives. What life-changing decisions would they have to make? Because none of them had any idea of what I would have to go through, they had no real advice to give, and therefore no need to know.

And I just didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to know that I would lose what made me me. I would be losing what made me special and I would be reduced to just another average bender. It sounds silly, but I took pride in what I could do that my friends couldn't. Anyone could learn how to use a sword; not very many people could bend two elements. If I lost one of my elements, I'd be no different from my friends. I'd just be a Fire Nation girl who could barely control the element I had. A huge part of what made me me would be gone, forever, and I would never get it back. There wouldn't be anything special about me, other than my sword skills.

I didn't want to be normal. I wanted to be me.

If I'm not special in some way, what's the point of even reading my story? When you look for a story to read, you look for a story where the hero is somehow different from the people around them. Whether they excel at some skill, or have a power that is either rare or no one else in the world has, that's what makes you interested in them.

How could the story of someone no different from anyone else interest anyone?

"Tora?"

I was brought out of my thoughts by Sokka's voice. I blinked, and realized that while I had been thinking I had been staring blankly at Sokka for the past two minutes. He was staring right back at me, looking a little creeped out. "You okay?"

I didn't answer his question, instead choosing to turn around and sit on the ground, crossing my arms and not saying a word.

"Well, if you're going to be like that, fine." Sokka scoffed when it became obvious I was not going to answer his question and sat down on one of the cushions they had provided us. Without looking at me, he pulled out a small knife he had gotten from somewhere, pulled something else I couldn't see out of his pocket, and began to cut at it with the knife.

I frowned slightly. "What are you doing?"

Sokka glanced up at me briefly, before looking back down at the thing in his hands "It's polar bear dog bone. I'm carving it to make a gift for Princess Yue, when I see her tonight."

I had almost forgotten Sokka's crush on Yue in the drama that had happened earlier. So I had nothing to say, except, "Oh."

The two of us sat in silence, the only noise in the house coming from the scraping of Sokka's knife against bone.

~~Water~~

It wasn't long before Sokka declared himself finished with whatever it was he was carving, at the exact same time he decided it was the time to go see Yue for their 'activity'. (It sounds weird when worded like that, I apologize.) He showed it to me, asking what I thought of it.

"Do you want me to be nice, or do you want me to be honest?" I asked after giving it a glance, before returning to what I was doing to amuse myself - extinguishing the flame of a candle, before relighting it with a flick of my fingers, making the flame bigger or smaller, sending another flame running rings around the candle before making it join the candle flame, extinguishing the flame, and starting the whole cycle all over again.

Sokka withdrew his hand immediately, scowling at me. "You are such a cruel person!"

I merely stuck my tongue out at him. It wasn't my fault that his so called 'fish' looked like a bear. A crappily carved bear at that.

"So, you feeling better now?" Sokka asked me casually, as he checked out his reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall. I think it was actually ice, but if I wanted to see for myself I would have to actually care.

I frowned as I watched Sokka primp himself a bit. "What do you mean?"

"Earlier, you were pretty out of it. It was easy to see you were upset about something. You feeling better now?"

I blinked. When I had allowed myself to be distracted by Sokka, all thoughts of Umi and everything she had told me had left my mind and I had nearly forgotten it all. But when Sokka unknowingly reminded me, I could practically feel the crushing weight of my future decision come crashing down on me again.

But I didn't say that. Instead I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, a little bit. Thanks."

Sokka flashed me a grin in his reflection. "Don't mention it. I didn't do anything. See you later." He gave me a wave over his shoulder as he walked out the entrance.

"Good luck with Yue!" I called after him, and I heard him yell his thanks from outside just as Katara walked in. She appeared to be lost in thought, and it was enough to make me stop playing with the candle flame and turn myself around to face her.

"Hi there." I said.

Katara looked up, looking almost startled. She relaxed quickly. "Oh, hi, Tora." She said, smiling at me. "What are you doing?"

"Just playing with the candle." I said, pointing a thumb at it. "How was your day?" I had an idea of what it had been like.

She scowled. "I just - this tribe - this Tribe has such stupid traditions!" She yelled, throwing her hands in the air as she collapsed onto the fur next to me. "Can you believe," she said, propping her head up on her elbow as she rolled onto her side to face me, "that they don't allow women to learn how to fight here? I showed up with Aang for waterbending training, and that old guy, Pakku, said that he wouldn't teach me - just because I'm a girl! Apparently here, all women are good for is child bearing and healing! Yugoda, the healing woman, told me that arranged marriages are literally the only kinds of marriages they have here! They don't marry for love, they marry their daughters off to the best man they can find! The women get no say in who they marry, they just have to accept it! They don't get to do anything other than heal, or sit at home and watch over the kids and take care of the house!"

My mouth had already dropped open in disbelief halfway through her rant. "Are you serious?!" I demanded, leaning forward. "Chief Arnook told me that women can't learn how to fight, and Yue mentioned that she would only be a figurehead and her husband would be the one ruling the Tribe, but - seriously?! They don't even get to decide who they marry?"

"Yes!" Katara exclaimed, eyes shining. "Thank you, that is a normal reaction! I tried to complain to Yugoda after the healing lesson, but she just said that it was just the way things worked here, and there was no changing it!"

"That's so stupid!" I said, and the candles seemed to burn brighter and grow bigger. "That's just - that's so stupid!" I couldn't even think of anything else to say, it was so incredible.

"I came all the way here to learn how to fight, and - and they won't let me just because of my stupid gender?!" Katara shouted, slamming her fist against the ground. I heard a cracking sound, and the two of us looked up to see a long crack in the ceiling. Right, it was made of ice. I had nearly forgotten. "See, see, that's exactly why I should be able to learn waterbending - so I don't keep having accidents like that!" Katara gestured to the ceiling. "I mean, it was a good thing when I was able to free Aang from the iceberg because of it, but it's not a good thing! I just - " Katara dropped her face onto the fur covering the floor and let out a muffled scream of frustration.

When she had finished, a few seconds passed where neither of us said a word or moved an inch, but then Katara rolled onto her back and crossed her arms behind her head. "Tora?"

"Yeah?"

"I never really thought about this before, but… what is it like for women in the Fire Nation?"

"Well," I began, frowning slightly in concentration, "I don't remember much, because what thirteen year old is going to pay attention to things like that? But I do know that women were allowed to learn how to fight, whether it was with firebending or with normal weaponry. I don't exactly know how it turned out like that, while the Water Tribe turned out this way, but in the Fire Nation it's considered completely normal for women to be able to become whatever they want. I mean, yeah, there are jobs that are considered men's work only, but still, women can do most jobs that men can. They can join the army, too, and it's rare for women to become higher than an average soldier, but it's something."

Katara frowned. "I don't know why, but I always thought the Fire Nation would have sexist views on women, and everywhere else in the world women could do whatever they wanted."

"Well, you were wrong." I said heatedly. I hated being reminded that my friends had racist views against my home Nation, and considered me to be the only good Fire Nation native, but only because my father was Water Tribe. Because it wasn't true. There were dozens of other Fire Nation citizens that had the same thoughts on the war that I did, and wanted it to stop. "The women can marry whoever they want, and they're not forced to stay home with the kids and watch over the home, but they can still do that if they want."

"Okay." Katara sighed. "I was wrong, I'm sorry."

I was a bit surprised, honestly. Katara never really apologized for assuming the worst of my Nation. Sokka did whenever I called him out on it, but it was always in a 'I'm just apologizing because I don't have time to deal with an angry Tora right now, I don't actually feel sorry about it' way. Katara flat out refused to apologize for making presumptions, in the rare occasion that she did. Aang never did, and it probably had something to do with the fact that he had friends from the Fire Nation a hundred years ago, and so knew that they weren't all evil and murderous, even if it appeared that way.

"I think they only let the women do what they want because there's a shortage of men." I said, frowning. "I think my father said something like that once. Half of the men join the military, and so they have to let the women take over the men's jobs, otherwise everything would fall to chaos. And they allow women to join the army for more or less the same reason. Something like that, I don't remember."

Katara was silent for a moment, before rolling onto her stomach. "Let's talk about something else. How was your meeting with that woman, Umi? Did she help you with your elements?"

I felt sick at the reminder of what Umi had told me, and even sicker at the idea of telling Katara. I didn't want to tell Katara any more than I had wanted to tell Sokka. So I once again made the decision to not tell anyone anything. "Eh." I made a vague waving gesture. "Sorta. I don't want to talk about it, but I won't be going back there."

"Why not?" Katara asked, frowning at me.

"I just said I don't want to talk about it, Katara, can you please respect that?" I said in exasperation.

"Alright." Katara said, sounding a bit confused. "Sorry."

I sighed, flipping my hair over my shoulder. "So how was your day, besides finding out that the Water Tribe doesn't allow women to fight?"

Katara's eyes lit up. "It was actually kind of cool, learning how to heal. I mean, I couldn't really enjoy it because I was forced into it instead of choosing it on my own, but it was still interesting. And guess what - Yugoda told me that Gran-Gran was born here!"

"You're kidding!" I exclaimed, flopping onto my stomach so we were face to face. I propped my chin up on my crossed arms, mimicking Katara's position, and kicked my legs through the air. "Was she really?" I was eager to have something to take my mind off of Umi, not to mention that I had just learned something incredibly fascinating.

"Yes! And apparently she just ran away one day and joined the Southern Tribe."

"How come?"

"I don't know. Gran-Gran obviously didn't tell me, and Yugoda didn't know. But," Katara's change of tone made it obvious she was about to share something really important, "before she ran away, she was engaged to some waterbender, and he was the one who gave her the necklace." She pointed to her throat, where her choker was hidden behind the fur lining of her parka.

"She ran away, but she kept the necklace." I said. "I wonder why."

"Maybe she really did love him, but she didn't want to be in an arranged marriage." Katara offered.

"That makes sense. Maybe he didn't love her back, and so she decided it would be better to not marry him if she knew he wouldn't be happy with her."

"But she kept the necklace to remember him by. That's so sad…"

"What if she hated him?"

"But then why would she keep the necklace?"

"Hmm, you're right…"

We spent about ten minutes coming up with various theories for why Gran-Gran would run away but keep her engagement necklace (and they were slowly becoming more and more ridiculous, with one of the theories being that the necklace was an amulet bestowed upon the Tribe from the Spirits and the waterbender was a prince who gave Gran-Gran the amulet, but Gran-Gran ran away to the South Pole so she could rule over the earth using the amulet from there but her plan ultimately failed) before Aang came back from waterbending training.

"It was horrible!" Aang declared as soon as he walked through the door. "Pakku was no help at all! He didn't actually try to teach me anything, he just told me to do something and when I did it he would tell me to feel the push and pull and if I failed at whatever move I was performing he acted all high and mighty about it! Like I wasn't trying at all! But I was!" He looked extremely upset as he sat down next to us. I sat up and threw an arm around his shoulder.

"Hey, Aang, relax." I said. "Pakku's obviously just a jerk." I can't believe he's a part of the White Lotus. I thought to myself. Well, just being a part of the White Lotus doesn't mean you're automatically nice. Just look at Jeong Jeong. Or my father. "And I know you were trying. You know how important it is you master waterbending. You wouldn't slack off, knowing that." Probably.

"Thanks, Tora." Aang sighed, placing his head on my shoulder. I placed a hand on his head and gave it a comforting pat. Katara stared at us for a moment, and then she smiled.

"You look like siblings." She commented. Aang and I stared at her.

"How so?" I asked.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "You're just acting more like a sister comforting a little sibling than a friend comforting another friend, somehow."

"Well, okay then." I rubbed Aang's head, grinning at him. If he had hair, I would have ruffled it. "Aang, I'm adopting you as my little brother. You don't get any say in it."

"Alright." Aang smiled at me, before wrapping his arms around my neck and giving me a hug. I paused for just a second before patting him on the back and returning the hug. Ever since Aang had tried to learn firebending from Jeong Jeong, when he had burned Katara and I had awkwardly comforted him, I had been aware that I was suddenly a little more protective of Aang than before, and I felt a weird fondness for him. I had been kidding when I said I was adopting Aang as a little brother, but when Aang hugged me, it felt right to think of him like that.

"Cute." Katara sighed, her smile growing bigger.

That was when Sokka stormed in, looking furious and upset and confused all at the same time. I frowned, pulling away from Aang. "Sokka? What's wrong?"

"Is it warrior training?" Katara asked as she sat up, looking just as concerned as I felt.

Sokka kicked his sleeping bag across the room in response. "That bad?" Aang asked.

"No!" Sokka snapped, flopping onto the floor. "It's Princess Yue! One minute she wants to go out with me, and the next, she's telling me to get lost!"

"She didn't really say that, did she?" I asked in shock. Yue had told me herself that she liked Sokka a lot, and that had only been this morning! How could her feelings have changed so easily within a few hours?

"Well, not exactly like that, but she might as well have!" Sokka buried his head in the fur, before lifting his head. "So, how was waterbending training?"

Now it was Katara's turn to mope and flop on the floor. "Master poophead says he won't teach her, just 'cause she's a girl." Aang explained, scowling.

There was a pause, before Sokka spoke again. "Why don't you just teach her, Aang?"

Katara lifted her head, eyes shining and a huge smile on her face. "Sokka, that's the best idea you've ever had!"

"It is?"

"Yeah!" Katara got to her feet, pulling Aang along with her. "At night, Aang can just teach me whatever moves Pakku taught him during the day! Aang gets to practice, I get to learn, everyone's happy!"

"I'm not happy."

"Well, you're never happy." Katara said, before dragging my new little brother out the door with her.

"So," I said, leaning forward, "What happened with Yue?"

Sokka scowled. "I don't want to talk about it."

I was about to try and persuade him to tell me anyways, but stopped myself. Sokka hadn't pressured me about what was bothering me when I had told him I didn't want to talk about it. It wouldn't be fair for me to pressure him into telling me anything when I refused to tell him anything.

So I was going to let the matter drop, until Sokka began speaking again, sounding furious. "So I was, like - I was all excited about going to see Princess Yue, and I know that sounds girly, but just let me talk, okay? I was all excited about it, because she's the Spirits-damned princess of the Northern Tribe and out of all of the guys in the entire Tribe, she picks me. So I show up on the bridge she said she would meet me at, and she's staring at the moon and looking so damned beautiful. I say hi, and she turns away and acts weird, but I thought that it was just because I had interrupted a deep thought or something, so I show her the carving I made for her, and she tells me that she never should have invited me in the first place!" Sokka had started growing louder and louder in volume as his rant went on, until he was practically shouting at me. At this point, I wasn't able to tell whether he was angry or upset, because he sounded furious, but also sad and confused.

"Hey, hey, Sokka," I said, scooting over next to him and placing a hand on his back. "I don't know why she changed her mind like that, but I do know that if she did change her feelings for you that quickly, I misjudged her, she's a bitch, and she in no way deserves you."

"Don't call her a bitch!" Sokka yelled, bolting upright. "She's not! She's the nicest person I've met ever since we started this journey, and even if she did change her mind about me, that doesn't mean she's a bitch!"

I quickly raised my hands, showing defeat. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I take it back!" I said honestly. I had quite liked Yue when we had been talking together, and it didn't make me happy to call her a bitch. I had only thought that that was what Sokka wanted to hear. Obviously I had been wrong.

"Look, let's - let's just go to sleep." Sokka said, rubbing his hand over his face in exhaustion. "It's been a long day. I'm tired, I'm sure you're tired, Katara and Aang probably won't be back for a while, so let's just…" he cut himself off with a sigh.

I extinguished all of the candles in the room except for one (for when Katara and Aang came back) as Sokka crawled into his sleeping bag. As I got into mine, a thought occurred to me. I opened my mouth, before shutting it immediately. What if I made Sokka suspicious? There was no way that he would be able to figure it out by himself - it would be the last thing on Sokka's mind - but what if he went to Umi and started asking questions? Umi had given me the impression of the kind of person who, if they were allowed to talk for long enough, would tell a person literally everything they knew. Even if she didn't tell him, if she talked for long enough something was bound to slip out.

But still, I wanted to hear what Sokka would say.

"Sokka?" I said quietly. I heard a grunt, telling me that Sokka was awake, but not really in the mood to talk. I hesitated, licking my lips, before gaining the courage. "If… if you had to choose between your boomerang or your machete, what would you choose?"

I had my back to Sokka, so I couldn't see him, but I heard him rolling over. "What are you talking about?" Sokka sounded both confused and a little annoyed by my question.

"You've more or less had your boomerang your entire life, right?"

"Yeah, kinda. Since I was like, six."

"And you've had your machete for almost as long?"

"Since I was ten."

"So, let's say, your dad came back. And, yeah, that's great and all, but he tells you that a true warrior can only have one weapon, and you would have to choose between your boomerang and your machete to use for the rest of your life once you reached a certain age. Ignoring the stupidity of that situation, which one would you choose?" I swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe as I waited for his answer. His answer wouldn't make my decision any easier, but I wanted to hear what he would say.

"Why do I have to choose, again?" Sokka asked, sounding slightly amused by the stupid scenario I had created.

"Just answer the question!" I snapped, feeling my cheeks heat up a bit. I'm already regretting this.

Sokka didn't speak for a minute. He must have been thinking of his answer. Either that, or he had fallen asleep by accident, which I doubted.

"Well," Sokka said finally, "I don't think I could choose one over the other. They both mean a lot to me. My boomerang has been my thing since I was six, I've never seen anyone else fight with one. It's my thing. But a machete makes more sense, if I'm in battle. I mean, it's not like a boomerang is the greatest weapon in a fight. If I had to kill, a machete would do more damage than a boomerang would."

"But if you had to choose." I said, putting emphasis on the 'had'.

"I think, if I had to choose, I would choose my boomerang. Like I said, it's not the best weapon to use for self-defence, but it's my thing. It's a part of me. It's a bigger part of me than my machete is. Giving up my machete wouldn't be as big of a deal."

I let out a breath. But Sokka wasn't finished yet.

"How long would it be before I had to give one of them up?"

I paused. "I don't know, a couple months, I guess."

"Well, then the smart thing to do would be to practice with both of my weapons."

"How come?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

"So when it came down to it, if I had to lose one, I would be able to fight extra well with the other. So if I gave up my boomerang, I would be just as good with a machete, and vice versa. It just makes sense."

My eyes widened in realization.

It did make sense.

It made total sense.

"Alright thanks Sokka goodnight!" I said in a rush, burrowing myself into my sleeping bag.

"Why did you ask?"

"I said goodnight!" I snapped. When there was no response, I figured Sokka had finally just given up on me and went to sleep. Making a mental note to apologize for my snappiness in the morning (I was only half sure I would remember to), I bit down on my thumbnail, eyes huge as my thoughts filled my mind.

What Sokka had said, about mastering both of his weapons so he could still defend himself and fight without one, made complete sense. Why wouldn't you ensure that you had mastered both weapons? If you had to give one up, making sure you had mastered both of them was the best idea.

I had to master my elements.

The moment the thought appeared in my mind, there was no going back.

I had to master my elements, so that when the time came, and I did have to choose, I would at least be able to fight with more than just my sword. Having two elements in a fight opened up the possibilities of what I could do, despite the fact that I was nowhere near a master at either fire or water, but if I only had one, those possibilities were narrowed down by a lot. But if I mastered the element I chose to keep, well, I could fight with more than just a sword. I would be stronger, even if I lost some of my power.

But was it worth it? Spending all of that time, using all that energy, all to master an element I didn't even know I would actually keep?

Yes. It was. Of that I was sure.

~~Water~~

The next morning I was shaken awake by Katara. I let out a low growl as I pulled my head off of the floor, giving my friend a dirty look through the strands of hair that had fallen into my face. I pushed the hair out of my face, yawning as I did so. "What is it?" I asked tiredly, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. Next to me, Sokka was yawning just as loudly, having been woken up by Aang. "Ugh, it's too early for this…" I muttered, dropping my head back down to the floor.

"Tora, you have to wake up!" Katara snapped, shaking me harder. "We're going to see the Water Tribe council."

"Why?" Sokka groaned, throwing his arm over his face.

"Because Pakku caught me teaching Katara last night, and he said he won't teach me anymore because I disrespected him and his culture!" Aang said, looking like he was on the verge of freaking out.

"What?" Sokka and I both shouted at the same time, shooting straight up.

"Exactly! We have to go convince Arnook to get Pakku to teach Aang again!" Katara said, looking just as panicked as Aang. "So you two have to get up!"

Sokka and I were out of our sleeping bags and ready to go within seconds. I shivered a bit and sneezed as we stepped out of the house, the coldness hitting me immediately. A few minutes later we were standing in the palace, before Chief Arnook, Pakku, Yue, and the entire council. I wondered briefly if Umi would be among them, but a quick scan told me that, no, she would not be. She was a woman, after all, I reminded myself with a scowl. Yue was clearly only there because she was the princess, nothing more. I noticed that Yue kept trying to catch Sokka's eye, but Sokka was refusing to look at her.

"What would you have me do?" Arnook said in frustration once Katara had finished explaining the situation to him. "Force Master Pakku to take Aang back as a student?"

"Yes. Please." Katara said, clasping her hands together. She looked desperate.

"I suspect he would change his mind, if you swallowed your pride and apologized." Arnook said, sounding rather disdainful. I narrowed my eyes at his tone.

Katara's eye twitched, and she scowled as she looked down at the ground. Clearly she was not happy at the thought of apologizing to Pakku. "Fine." She muttered, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

Pakku looked far too smug for my liking, and his tone further increased my dislike of him. "I'm waiting, little girl."

I let out a small squeak of panic, and Sokka made a noise like he had choked on air. Katara was not a nice person when you tested her already thin patience, and Pakku had just crossed a line. Katara's fists clenched, and she snapped. "NO!" She yelled, her voice echoing throughout the palace. "No way am I going to apologize to a sour old man like you!"She pointed her finger at Pakku, who had raised an eyebrow, looking more than amused at her tantrum. The floor around her feet had cracked, as had two jugs of water nearby. Aang looked like he was going to say something, but Sokka and I grabbed him before he could. Katara looked like she was going to punch anybody who tried to talk to her in the face. "I'll be outside if you're man enough to fight me!" She spat at Pakku, before she spun around and stormed outside, leaving behind a cracked floor and a stunned council in her wake.

"She didn't mean that!" Aang said, turning to the council.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did." Sokka said dryly. We chased after Katara, right at her heels as she stormed down the steps, forcefully yanking her parka off her body and throwing it into my arms as she did so.

"Katara, you are not going to win this fight!" Sokka protested, trying to calm his sister down and failing miserably.

"Does it look like I care?!" Katara snapped. It certainly didn't.

"Katara, you don't have to do this." Aang said desperately. "I can just find another teacher. It doesn't have to be Pakku who teaches me."

"I'm not doing this for you." Katara said as we reached the bottom of the steps. "I'm doing this so I can try to slap some sense into that guy."

"You can do this, Katara!" I yelled, not even bothering to try and stop Katara from fighting Pakku. When Katara set her mind to something, no one could make her change her mind, so there wasn't any point in trying to. "You probably won't win, but just give it all you've got. Make sure you don't let him think you're weak."

"Right." Katara nodded, and she turned to glare at Pakku as he descended the steps, still smirking smugly at her. "So, you've decided to show up?" Pakku just walked right on past her. "Aren't you gonna fight?!"

The old man didn't even bother turning around to face her as he spoke. "Why don't you head back to the healing huts, where women belong?"

I swear, I wanted to attack him for that. But Katara beat me to it. She pulled a thin stream of water from the ground, and whipped it at Pakku, hitting the back of his head. I couldn't keep myself from grinning as Pakku stopped in his tracks, clearly not hurt but clearly very angry. "Fine. You want to fight that badly?" Pakku challenged as he slowly turned around. "Study closely!"

Pakku raised his arms, and water gushed out of the two pools on either side of him, forming a ring around him. Katara charged forward without hesitation, but was flung back by the water. She landed in a crouch, and as she looked up Pakku made the water form a ring around both of them, spinning faster and faster and slowly constricting. Katara stumbled, but gracefully spun and flung an arm out, deflecting the wall of water and sending it coursing towards the crowd of onlookers and slamming into Sokka.

Katara pulled another water whip from the ground and rushed at Pakku again. Pakku quickly raised a ramp of ice from the ground to shield himself. Katara quickly changed her plan of attack and ran up the ramp, leaping off the top and doing a flip in the air. She landed firmly on the end of the stair railing, and turned to face Pakku. The old man turned the ramp into a wave, and sent it in Katara's direction. Katara pulled the ice of the railing up around her feet, locking her in place, and just before the wave could hit her she blocked it, taking control of it and bending it around her and diffusing it.

"You can't knock me down!" Katara declared. She stood tall, the sun shining down on her, and at that moment it struck me how strong she really was. The crowd surrounding me cheered for her, but all I could do was smile at my friend.

Katara leapt down from the railing and charged at Pakku once again. Pakku raised a wave of ice to shield himself, but Katara turned the ice to water only a second after it was raised. She suddenly aimed several punches at Pakku, who merely blocked all except one before pulling out another wave and washing her away into the nearby pool. Katara popped out immediately, raised a cylinder of ice from the water, and began slinging thin discs of ice at Pakku. Pakku broke each one as they reached him and just narrowly dodged the last one, which came so close to his face no one would have been surprised if it sliced off a bit of his beard. Katara, leaping out of the pool and back onto the ground, pulled a stream of water from the pool and bended it around her before hurling it at Pakku. Pakku deflected it and twirled it around him, before sending it back to Katara (who had once again raced towards Pakku) and knocking her backwards.

Katara was down only for a moment before she was on her feet again and her hands were raised in the air, and two pillars of snow came crumbling down on Pakku. Pakku raised his hands just before the pillars could fall on him, and a cloud of snow formed around him, temporarily hiding him from our view. When it cleared, Pakku was standing, and smiling just slightly. "I am impressed." Pakku admitted. "You are an excellent waterbender."

"But you still won't teach me, will you?" Katara said coldly.

Pakku's smile faded and his eyes narrowed. "No."

With a yell, Katara sent him a wave rolling across the ground. Pakku merely raised himself up on a pillar of ice, turned it to water, and rode the wave to Katara. Katara attempted to knock him off of it with a wave of her own, but Pakku took control of it and turned it into an arc of ice looping around her. He slipped across the ice, far too graceful for a man his age, knocking Katara down as he rode past her. Katara fell to the ground in front of him, her hair falling out of its braid completely, and when she stood up Pakku raised the water out of the pool and turned it into long spears of ice. With a simple gesture, the spears fell out of the air and landed closely around Katara, effectively trapping her.

"This fight is over." Pakku said, standing straight and crossing his arms behind his back. As he began to walk away, Katara yelled at him to come back, shouting that she wasn't finished yet. Pakku made no move to stop walking away from her - until he froze unexpectedly, bent down, and picked something off of the ground. From where we were standing, we could all see that it was Katara's necklace. It had fallen off at some point during the fight.

"This is my necklace." Pakku said, nearly whispering in wonder.

"It is not!" Katara yelled, fighting furiously to free herself from her icy prison. "That is my necklace, give it back!"

Pakku was still holding the necklace, staring at it in wonder and shock. "I made this sixty years ago." He said, and the ice spears turned to water behind him in his distraction. "For the love of my life. For Kanna."

My eyes went wide, and Sokka's jaw dropped open. Katara looked just as stunned, though she probably felt a lot more shocked than she looked. "My Gran-Gran was supposed to marry you?"

The crowd dispersed, sensing there wasn't going to be anymore fighting, leaving only Sokka, Aang, Yue, Chief Arnook, Umi, and me. Yue, the chief and Umi must have joined the crowd halfway through the fight, because none of us had noticed them until everyone else had gone.

"I made this necklace for Kanna when we became engaged." Pakku said, turning his back to us. I think he just didn't want any of us to see any actual emotion on his face besides the smugness we had seen from him ever since we met him. "I thought we would have a long, happy life together." His voice dropped to a near whisper, and his soft, sad tone nearly broke my heart. "I loved her, so much."

"But she didn't love you, did she?" Katara said, slowly beginning to understand. She approached Pakku, still speaking. "It was an arranged marriage, wasn't it? Gran-Gran wouldn't let your Tribe's stupid customs run her life. That must be why she left. It must have taken a lot of courage."

Without any warning, Yue let out a sob and ran away. After a word of encouragement from Aang and a slightly reluctant smile from me (I had seen Sokka's distress caused by Yue's rejection, after all), Sokka ran after her. Pakku had begun speaking to Katara quietly, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and paled when I saw Umi looking down at me, smiling softly. "They need some privacy." She said, glancing at Pakku and Katara.

I hesitated, but then nodded. "You're right." Turning to Aang, I gently nudged him and told him what Umi had told me. Aang cast a glance in Katara's direction, before nodding and turning away, heading back to our home. I thought about following him, but then chose not to, and turned to Umi. "We need to talk." I said, looking at her seriously.

Now it was her turn to hesitate. But she sighed, and gave a small smile at me. She put her arm around my shoulder and led me away, a distance away from where Katara and Pakku were still talking but still within eyesight of them, and where no one would hear us.

"Tora, I am truly sorry." Umi said the moment we were alone. "I didn't mean to distress you so, I just didn't want for you to go through that moment without knowing what was happening." It was quite clear what 'that moment' meant. The moment when I'll be forced to choose between fire and water, I finally admitted to myself. I had avoided thinking about it so directly, instead choosing to think of it only as 'what Umi had told me'.

"It's alright." I sighed, sitting down on the snow. "It's not your fault. I was the one who had to freak out like that and walk out on you."

"Which is a completely understandable reaction." Umi said immediately, sitting next to me. "I had no one to tell me about it, and I would never wish that on anyone."

I didn't say anything for a moment, but then I turned to her. "Why did you choose water over earth?"

"Because I was born to the Water Tribe. Water was always a part of me, and it always would be, even if I had chosen earth instead. Earth didn't mean anything to me. Or, it didn't mean as much as water did. Water represented me and my family and my entire culture. It was the only option that made any sense to me."

I nodded slowly, processing her answer. I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them close. "But I'm Water Tribe and Fire Nation. I'll be choosing between two major parts of my life."

"Yes." Umi sighed. "That will be a hard decision to make."

"I always thought I could bend fire and water because my mom was Fire Nation and my father was Water Tribe."

"That probably played a huge role in what elements you were given, but it wouldn't be the only reason. The Spirits gave you fire and water for a reason. I don't pretend to know what that reason is."

"Someone told me that when dual benders turned sixteen, they were given unlimited power that almost rivalled the Avatar's."

Umi snorted. "A load of crap. I'd like to meet the person that came up with that. But I can guess where it came from. Some benders, when they have chosen their element, are so relieved to finally be free of the war in their soul that they create a wild display of their bending to show off. But that myth isn't true."

A memory of my time in her cave came to mind. "You said you gave me the mask and the knife and the sword and stuff, and then you said something about inner chaos."

"Right…" Umi gave a small, nervous laugh. "Those are Spirit blessed items. I thought that, by giving them to you, the chaos within your soul would be soothed a bit. Did it work?"

I frowned. "I don't think so. There was a moment when I was fighting with the sword, when I couldn't completely control myself, and it was more than just an adrenaline rush. And then I used all of the things you gave me to free Aang from a Fire Nation prison, and I blacked out completely, and a…" I paused, thinking of a good word to use for Zuko. "A friend," I finally decided, "told me that I put a knife to Aang's throat. I would never do that if I had control of myself. So I don't think your items worked."

Umi sighed. "It was a longshot anyway. I had a feeling they wouldn't work. You wouldn't mind giving them back to me, would you?" She asked, looking at me with a pleading expression.

I was about to flat-out tell her 'no', when I realized something.

I had worn those things when freeing Aang from a Fire Nation prison.

I had a wanted poster, from the Fire Nation, with me wearing those things.

When I wore those things, I was a traitor to my Nation.

Me wearing those things proved that I'm a traitor to my home.

I felt like I wanted to throw up a little bit.

I was a traitor to my Nation.

I was a traitor to my home.

"Take them."

"What?" Umi looked startled by the raw anger in my voice.

"I said, take them." I repeated hoarsely. "Take them back. I'll give them back to you. I don't want them anymore!" I yanked the fang necklace over my head with so much strength that it nearly broke and threw it into Umi's chest. She was staring at me wide-eyed, confused by my sudden change from calm to upset. I reached up and fumbled with the shell earrings for a moment, but when I got them off I didn't want to give them to Umi. I wanted to throw them away. I wanted to crush them in my fist. But I couldn't do that, so I had to be satisfied with throwing them as far away from me as I could throw. It still wasn't far enough.

"Tora, what's wrong?" Umi exclaimed, grabbing my shoulder.

"I don't want them anymore!" I yelled again, yanking myself from her grip and standing up. Before I could run away, Umi was on her feet and had grabbed me again. I spun around, eyes blazing. "LET ME GO!"

For a moment, all I could see was fire.

I gasped, and then my vision returned to normal. Umi was staring at me, concern written clearly on her face, and she was holding both of my shoulders firmly. I realized how tense I was, and slowly relaxed. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"It's alright." Umi said, not letting go of me. Her grip slackened a bit. "It's understandable that you'd be emotional right now."

I was silent.

"I can help you." Umi said suddenly. "I can help you learn to try and keep your temper, so you don't have any more of these outbursts."

"Alright."

Umi blinked. "That was a quick decision."

"I need to learn to remain calm." I said, clasping my hands together and looking down. "If I don't I could end up hurting one of my friends - or killing more people who were just doing their jobs." I closed my eyes as I remembered the massacred village and the soldiers I had killed. They were doing their jobs, but that didn't mean that they hadn't enjoyed themselves killing all those people. No one enjoyed killing. Not even soldiers. They were just doing their jobs and I had taken their lives in a temper tantrum.

This is what I was forcing myself to believe.

"Please, Umi, teach me to control myself." I said, looking up at the old woman. She was frowning slightly, but she nodded. "And I also have something else to ask. What do you know about firebending?"

Umi frowned even deeper. "I know the basics, and some things beyond that. I lived in the Fire Nation for a while in my youth and I studied it out of curiosity." I noticed she shuddered slightly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm going to master my elements before I am forced to choose between them." I stated solemnly. "And I want you to teach me what you know."

~~Water~~

"Katara!" I greeted her as she came into the house. She was now wearing her parka, but her hair was still free from its braid and was a wild, tangled mess. "Perfect timing." I grinned at her.

"Why is that?"

"I was wondering if you had any extra tunics that might fit me." I explained, absentmindedly stroking one of the gems on my necklace. "I left mine on Zuko's ship, and I don't want to wear these anymore." I gestured to the white shirt on the floor and the black dress I was wearing.

"How come?" Katara asked, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, I just don't want to anymore. Do you have any tunics for me or not?"

"I might." Katara rummaged through her pack for a moment, before successfully pulling out a blue tunic similar to her own, but slightly shorter and with longer sleeves. "This is yours, isn't it?"

"Yeah, thanks!" I took it from her and replaced my dress with the tunic. "This will do until I can get a Fire Nation one." I said, pulling my hair out from under the neckline. "So, how did it go with Pakku?"

Katara didn't answer my question. She was looking at me curiously. "Tora?"

"Yep?"

"How come you want to wear Fire Nation tunics so badly? I mean, I know that since you look Fire Nation, it might be weird if people who didn't know you saw that you weren't wearing one, but… why?"

"Because the Fire Nation is my home, Katara. It doesn't matter what other people think, or what people I'm with. My home is the Fire Nation, it will always be the Fire Nation. I know the Fire Lord has done terrible things, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still loyal to my home. I'm not on their side of the war, but I'm loyal to the Fire Nation. If I wear another Nation's clothing when I could be wearing the Fire Nation's instead, it feels like I'm betraying my home."

"But your dad-"

"What my father did to me or where he came from has nothing to do with the fact that I am loyal to my home and my people. Nothing will ever happen that will change my mind about that."

~~Water~~

"My fleet is ready." Zhao declared. "Set a course for the Northern Water Tribe."

Behind his ship was dozens of Fire Nation war ships, all of them filled with thirty soldiers each.

The Northern Water Tribe would fall.

An extra long chapter to make up for the total lack of any chapters for roughly three or four months. Are we good now? Are we still friends?

Now, because of what Jeong Jeong told Tora about her father sending her away because he wanted to protect her, Tora has been having mixed feelings about her father, as noted in the chapter before last. She doesn't know what to feel about him. Because he hadn't told her what he was doing, but he saved her, even if he ended up hurting her in the process. And Tora is confused. Because her father hurt her, she wants so badly to be angry with him, to hate him for what he did, but after finding out the real reason he sent her away, it's been harder for her to hate him. So the minute she thinks of anything that would incriminate him in her mind (thinking that he knew about the spirits and dual-bending), she latches onto that theory and won't let go. Even if that 'theory' doesn't make any sense. (I'm not saying whether or not Piandao did know about the choosing between elements thing, I'm just explaining Tora's thought process.)

Tora is failing to realize that, even if her friends don't know what it would be like to choose between two major parts of what makes them who they are, it doesn't hurt to have emotional support when you have a tough decision to make.

Important note:

Okay, I think I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

(Don't worry, I'm not gonna delete this story or stop writing it or anything. I wouldn't stop it after staying up hours to finish this and make it as good as it could possibly be.)

But when the story is over, I think I'm going to revise it. Not all of it, but a lot of it. Because there are parts in the story that I look back on and I cringe at how I wrote it.

I don't know if I'll do it when Blue is over, or when I've finished the trilogy, but I know that I will do it. At some point in the future.

I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to revise it. But I'm thinking about it.

I just wanted to let you guys know that.