Author's Note, October 20, 2020:
Hey all. So, I'm gonna try something here. I have a set plot and set ideas for this story, but there's a lot that's up in the air because I'm only one person writing this story that has gotten far more complicated and emotionally fraught than I could've imagined. So what kind of stories would you like to see from the post-Third Impact world? Survival scenarios, character interactions, that sort of thing? Let me know in the reviews, or shoot me a message.
"Easy now…"
"I got it…ow." Asuka gently set herself back in the wheelchair. "Okay, I'm good."
"Are you sure?"
"Misato, I'm a little more worried about you right now."
Misato felt her face. Her jaw was already starting to swell, and she was still a little dizzy from getting a mug slammed into her forehead. She could feel little bits of ceramic still embedded in the skin, which she sensed were going to be a pain in the ass to remove.
"Here," Shinji said, holding out an icepack. "Sit down, I'll help you out."
"You really don't have to do that, Shinji."
"It's fine." He set her in one of the kitchen chairs, soaked some gauze in alcohol and began wiping at her forehead, gently cleaning off the blood and trying to get any small bits of ceramic.
Misato eyed Shinji as he did so. He'd mentioned something a few weeks ago about possibly becoming a doctor or a nurse. Seeing him like this, she could imagine him in that role.
But mainly she was worried about how unaffected Shinji seemed about what had just happened.
"Shinji—"
"Not right now, I need to concentrate."
"Shinji." She brushed his hand away. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he shrugged. "She didn't hurt me that much."
Misato's eyes drifted down to the giant purple blotches on his neck, where Maya had grabbed hold not more than 10 minutes ago.
"If you need to talk about it…" she began. "…I'm more than—OW!"
"Hold still," Shinji said as he pulled out another piece of ceramic. "I can't help you if you don't."
"Shinji, I really think—ow—I really think we should—" She stopped speaking when she saw Ritsuko return.
"Got your clothes," Ritsuko announced, handing Shinji a pile of clothing. "Also a few books, since she's going to be trapped in there overnight."
"Trapped?" Shinji looked up from the pile. "What do you mean?"
"She's in the bed," Ritsuko confirmed to Misato. And then, reluctantly, "And restrained."
"Is that really necessary?" Shinji asked.
Misato stared at him in shock. "She tried to kill you!"
"I know, but…" He trailed off. He didn't actually have much of a reason why he objected. It just didn't seem fair.
"Well we can't just kick her out in the middle of a snowstorm," Ritsuko pointed out. "So if she's staying, we can't take any chances. Shinji, you're going to sleep downstairs with Asuka tonight, while Misato and I will keep watch in case she breaks free. And until we figure this all out, hopefully tomorrow, only the two of us can talk to her, understood?"
"Not exactly like I can get up there," Asuka muttered.
Shinji didn't respond right away. In his head was the image of Lieutenant Ibuki crawling towards him, pure anger emanating from her face.
"I'll kill you… I'll kill you…"
"Shinji."
"Hmm? What?" He realized Ritsuko was snapping her fingers in his face.
Ritsuko sighed. "I was just saying you're not allowed to go upstairs," she said. "Not until we figure out what to do about Maya. Do you understand?"
"Umm, yes."
Episode 13: Cabin Fever
Maya's eyes fluttered awake to a different ceiling than she remembered.
Looking towards the foot of the bed, she saw two figures talking to each other. Her vision was a little blurry, but she could recognize their voices.
"…are you saying I shouldn't be pissed?" Katsuragi.
"I'm saying that you need to be gentle with her." Ritsuko.
"Gentle? Five hours ago that woman was ready to kill Shinji, remember?!"
Memories came flooding back. The rage she felt at seeing Shinji. Her attempt to kill him. Katsuragi, Asuka, and Shinji restraining her, and Ritsuko sedating her.
"If I had known she had Shinji rabies, I would've left her on the damn beach!" Misato continued.
Ritsuko laughed incredulously. "And what, let her freeze to death? That's low, Katsuragi, even for you."
She tried to move her hands, but instead felt something pulling them back. Looking upwards, she realized her hands were restrained to the bedposts. She tried to muster the energy to pull at them, but she couldn't get her muscles to do much besides loosely jerk at the ropes.
The sound of her trying to move caught the attention of the two standing nearby.
"You're awake," Ritsuko said, almost relieved. "For a minute there I thought I gave you too much ketamine."
Maya stared at her. "Why…why am I tied up?"
Misato gave an incredulous laugh. "Why do you think?"
"It's a precaution," Ritsuko explained. She sat down in a chair next to the bed. "Maya, do you remember what happened?"
Maya's expression darkened. She simply gave a nod.
"Good." Not so good. "Well, then you understand why we had to do this right?"
Maya stared at her silently.
"Maya?"
"Because you want to protect Shinji," she muttered.
Ritsuko sighed. "Yes, that is one reason," she said. "But not just Shinji, Maya, this is for the good of everyone in the house, including you."
No response.
"Listen. There is a lot we haven't had the chance to talk to you about, but… you almost killed him, Maya. Do you understand?"
Silence.
"If you had, there would have been no coming back from that."
"I know what I was doing."
Misato took a threatening step forward, only to be stopped by Ritsuko shooting a sharp "no" her way and holding up a hand.
Ritsuko turned back to Maya. "I understand how you must feel about him, but—"
"Stop pretending you care how I feel!" Maya spat in Ritsuko's face. "You never cared about me."
Ritsuko tried to keep a level head. "That's not true."
"All that time, working for you, supporting you, you treated me like I was a child! I wanted you to see me as your equal, not your cheerleader!"
"Maya, I… you know I…" Ritsuko stammered. "I… respected your work ethic…"
("Sweet Jesus," Misato muttered under her breath.)
Maya stared at Ritsuko, seemingly relishing in her mentor's sudden retreat. "For years I was just your little toy, someone you could order around and have answer your every whim!" she said, adding fuel to the fire. "All I wanted from you was to look at me like you looked at Commander Ikari!"
Oh god. "Maya, that's not—" Ritsuko winced. "That's a conversation for later, Maya, right now…right now we need to talk about what happened today."
Maya looked away from Ritsuko.
"Listen to me, please. I don't want to leave you like this all night."
Maya gave a bitter laugh.
"Maya, look at me!"
No response.
"Maya!"
"Lieutenant Ibuki!"
The sudden outburst from Misato startled Maya into looking right at her.
"You might want to take a different tone, Ibuki," she said. "Because as of right now, Ritsuko is literally your only friend in the entire world. Neither of the kids will be talking to you anytime soon, and frankly I was ready to toss you out into the snowstorm or worse after the stunt you pulled today." She crossed her arms. "But that's not what we're going to do. So I suggest you show her the courtesy of hearing her out, because she's putting a lot on the line taking your side right now."
Maya's eyes briefly flickered over to Ritsuko.
"That being said," Misato continued as she walked over to the other side of the bed. "I'm… sympathetic to your anger. Lord knows I'm prone to irrational judgments, right Rits?"
"No comment," Ritsuko muttered.
"But let's get something straight. In this household, I'm Shinji's mother. My duty is to protect and defend him from harm. Now, I don't know what exactly we're gonna do with you yet, whether it be letting you stay or leaving you to fend for yourself. But what I do know is that if you so much as lay one finger on him again…"
She leaned in very close, forcing the terrified Maya to pull back.
"I will snap that tiny neck of yours in two." She stood up. "Kapiche?"
After a moment, Maya gave a nervous little nod.
"Good." Misato stepped back. "All yours, Ritsuko."
Ritsuko gave Misato an annoyed glare before turning back to Maya. "Look, until we figure out what to do about all this, you're going to have to stay in here. We'll bring you food, we'll escort you to the bathroom, but otherwise you cannot leave this room, and you absolutely can't go anywhere near the kids. Do you understand?"
The kids. "How's Asuka?" Maya blurted out without thinking.
"She's fine," Misato said. "And I'm also doing just fine, by the way," she added, tapping the bandage around her forehead. "Ow. No thanks to you, of course."
The fact that Asuka could have seriously injured herself in trying to stop her crossed Maya's mind, but she kept her mouth shut.
"We just need you to cooperate for now." Ritsuko leaned forward. "Please?"
Maya stared into Ritsuko's eyes. There was honesty in them, perhaps a clear sign that Ritsuko truly didn't want to hurt her.
But then she looked up at her restraints and scowled. "So I'm your prisoner then," she said.
Ritsuko eyed the rope. "We can remove the restraints, if you'd like," she offered slowly, eyeing Misato for approval, and getting a begrudging nod in response. "But… yes, you can't leave the room, and one of us will be keeping watch all night."
"Afraid I'll kill him in his sleep?"
"You wouldn't make it out the fucking door," Misato said coolly.
That shut Maya up quick.
After a moment of silence, Ritsuko and Misato each took a restraint and untied them.
"Don't make us regret this," Misato warned.
Maya simply felt her wrists, which were pretty sore from being bound so tight.
"Katsuragi has the first watch," Ritsuko explained. "I'll take over in a few hours, so behave until then, okay?"
Maya stared at her. "Why do you think I care when you'll be back?" she asked.
Ritsuko hesitated, trying to think of a response. Finally she simply stood up, nodded to Misato, and exited out the door.
"Best get to sleeping soon," Misato remarked. She pulled out a can of beer, cracked it open, and took a sip. "Because it's gonna be a loooooong night."
"Shinji, you really shouldn't be doing that."
"There's a mess, I'm cleaning it up."
"It's not your mess to clean. Just let Misato or Ritsuko do it."
"It's not their mess either!"
While the adults were upstairs dealing with Maya, Shinji had taken it upon himself to start cleaning up the kitchen, which Asuka continued to watch in disbelief.
"Shinji, I get that the past few hours have been… insane, but you shouldn't feel obligated to clean up after Ibuki."
Shinji stopped sweeping for a moment, thinking about this… and then immediately returned to what he was doing.
Asuka sighed. It was like talking to a wall.
Ritsuko appeared. "Well, she's awake," she said. "Again. I think Katsuragi scared her into cooperating."
"Is she still tied up?" Shinji asked. He seemed worried.
Ritsuko looked at him strangely. "No, we untied her," she admitted, making note of Shinji's relieved expression. "But she's not leaving that room anytime soon."
"Sorry Shinji," Asuka said. "Looks like you'll be sleeping with me for a—" She stopped. "Looks like you'll be sleeping down here for a while."
Ritsuko smirked. "Nice save."
"Shut up."
"I'm fine with it really," Shinji said. "I actually kind of got used to the first floor anyway. It's comforting in a weird way."
"Yeah…" Ritsuko looked at the mess in the kitchen and reached for the broom. "Let me help you with th—"
"I got it," Shinji said quickly, moving the broom slightly out of reach.
"Oh. Okay." She watched as Shinji moved to another area of the kitchen, before walking over to Asuka. "How are you doing?" she asked in a low voice.
"I'm fine."
"You sure? That whole thing was a little…you know."
Asuka pursed her lips for a second. "I wasn't the one she tried to kill."
A few hours went by.
Maya lay on the top of the bedspread, staring up at the ceiling.
Ironically, after being knocked unconscious by a sedative, she couldn't sleep. Not after everything that had happened.
Flashes of memories crossed her mind. Unit 01 eating Zeruel. Unit 02 getting disemboweled in the field. The giant form of Lilith passing through Terminal Dogma.
And at the center of it all—that cursed little boy, the one who cowered while the world burned.
None of it made sense to her. This boy in her mind deserved all the punishment in the world, and yet here he was. Living in some suburban household with Major Katsuragi. With Asuka. With her senpai.
The fact that Asuka was among them really confused her. It was Asuka's final rejection of Shinji that led to Third Impact. Yet apparently they were once again roommates. How could that work?
Because that little girl always had a crush on him.
Amazing what kids are willing to forgive in the name of getting in each others' pants.
"Pathetic."
"Shut up," Misato said. She was stationed at the door, with her chair pressed up against the wall.
"I wasn't talking to you."
"I'd rather you weren't talking at all. Talking means you're not sleeping. And you should be sleeping. You've had a rough day." She reached under the chair and pulled out another can of beer. She pulled the tab and took a sip.
Maya watched her. "Senpai always said you liked to drink yourself silly."
"Did she now?" Misato lowered the beer. "And I suppose she told you other things?"
Maya blinked. "Only that you're pretending you're sober around them so they'll think you're a good parent."
Misato kept her mouth clenched shut for a few moments as she tried to suppress her anger. I'm gonna kill you for telling her that, Rits. "Yeah, well, she's not one to criticize my drinking." Misato leaned forward. "She and I had some wild nights in college, you know." She wiggled her eyebrows. "Enough to make you jealous."
Maya lifted her head to stare at Misato.
"I'm just kidding, we only fooled around a bit." She took a sip of her beer. "Although, I suppose everyone in our class had a feeling about her, you know? You just kind of notice these things."
Silence.
"Was kind of surprised when she hooked up with Commander Ikari, though."
Maya stared at Misato for a bit longer before putting her head back down and trying to ignore her.
Misato saw this. Good. She was getting a reaction. "You know, if it makes you feel any better, everyone at NERV knew about your little crush. Except her, obviously."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Obviously, she was a little too self-absorbed to notice."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Plus, you know, she was busy shagging Shinji's dad to—"
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" Maya screamed. "I…I don't want to talk about it."
Misato blinked, a little surprised. "Okay, fine."
Misato looked at the beer, then back at Maya. Maybe she went a little too far.
Then she saw Maya's hands covering her eyes and heard the quiet sobs.
That just made her angry. How dare she cry? After everything that happened today?
"What?" Misato asked, annoyed. "Do you want me to feel sorry for you?"
"Shut up."
Misato stood up. "You tried to kill Shinji! I should've wrung your neck for that!"
Maya removed her hands from her eyes to look at Misato. "Shut up!"
She walked closer to the bed. "How could you try to kill a poor, defenseless child who's only trying to help?!"
"Shut up!" Maya was clenching her eyes closed, seemingly afraid of whatever it was Misato planned to do.
Misato stood there for a moment. "You know," she said calmly. "I really wish I didn't understand how you feel."
Maya opened her eyes and stared at Misato incredulously.
"I had a feeling someone like you would come along," she continued. "In a way I'm glad it was you, and not someone else." She sighed. "Because someone else would have actually succeeded."
Asuka stared at the ceiling. It was a bit weird, lying in her bed shortly after someone else had used it. Like her personal space had been violated. Of course, she didn't have any other options.
The sheets smelled a bit like Ibuki. It wasn't a bad smell at all, just… awkward, given the circumstances.
"Psst, Shinji," she whispered. "You up?"
After a pause, a wide-awake voice from the floor replied, "Yeah."
She pursed her lips, trying to find the words. "How are you feeling right now?"
Pause. "I'm fine."
It was the least convincing "I'm fine" she had ever heard. And she should know: she was the queen of saying "I'm fine" while not being so.
"Well," she offered. "If you need anything, I'm right here." Then she thought about it. "I mean obviously I can't really go very far, but, you know, if you—"
"Lieutenant Ibuki tried to kill me today."
She paused. "I know," she said quietly. "But… she didn't," she added, trying to sound positive.
"She was going to. If you, Misato, and Dr. Akagi hadn't stopped her, she would have."
Asuka sighed. "Yeah…" she admitted. "Didn't know she had it in her."
They were quiet for a while.
Of course Maya hated Shinji. It had been something they'd suspected would happen eventually: one day, someone would emerge from the ocean of LCL, and they would immediately blame Shinji for Third Impact and all of NERV's actions.
Still, her near-rabid reaction to seeing Shinji was, to say the least, concerning. To Asuka, it was disturbing: the parallels to Shinji's initial reaction to her own return hadn't escaped her notice. Somehow she doubted a tender touch of the cheek would be enough to calm Maya.
"Well…" she said finally. "You know, you're still alive. That counts for something, right?"
Silence.
"…Shinji?" She propped her arms up to get a better look.
Shinji was still on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought.
"Shinji, did you hear me?"
"Do you think she's hungry?"
What? "What?"
"We didn't give her any food. Do you think she's hungry?"
"Uh…" She genuinely had no idea how to respond. "…maybe? You could ask Misato or Dr. Akagi if—"
"I'll make her something." Shinji got up from his sleeping bag and went for the door.
"What? Wait, Shinji, don't go—!"
But he was gone.
"Scheiß," Asuka muttered. "Everyone's running and going places in this house. Why can't I be like them?"
She glanced over at the wheelchair, the bane of her existence.
"Shut up," she said hoping it would turn away in shame.
Alas, it didn't.
The Restless Night
Knock, knock.
Misato sat up. Finally.
She opened the door to find Ritsuko standing there. "How'd you sleep?"
"I didn't," Ritsuko replied. "Little hard to do that when you can hear your best friend harassing your kohai from across the hall."
Misato smirked. "Oh, so I'm your best friend now?"
"Don't test me, Katsuragi. How'd everything go?"
"Fine," Misato shrugged.
Ritsuko looked down at the four cans of beer lying crushed on the floor. "You shouldn't be drinking if you're concussed," she warned.
"I feel fine," Misato shrugged. "Just drunk."
"How do you know that's not a concussion?"
Misato rolled her eyes as she picked up the empty cans. "I'm more upset we lost my favorite mug." She threw this comment at the woman on the bed, who simply gave an annoyed groan.
"She didn't go to sleep?" Ritsuko asked in disbelief.
"Not my problem," Misato muttered as she walked out of the room.
Ritsuko sighed before heading over to Maya. "Are you still awake?" she asked.
Maya covered her head with a pillow, but she gave a low grunt acknowledging she was, in fact, still awake.
"You should really get some sleep, it's past midnight."
Maya let out a little groan, but otherwise didn't answer.
When there are about a million things you have to say to a person, and none of them are particularly easy to talk about, sometimes you can't help but say nothing. And that's what Ritsuko was feeling at the moment.
It wasn't the right moment anyway. It was dark. Maya was probably still angry with her. If they got into a heated discussion right now, it would wake up everyone in the house.
Ritsuko wasn't sure how she felt about that. Of the five people in this household, it was just the two of them awake. And neither of them wanted to speak to the other.
Knock knock knock.
"The hell?" Perhaps Misato left something behind?
Ritsuko got up from her chair and went over to the door.
"Who is it?" she called.
A timid voice called from the other side, "It's uh… me."
Oh no. She looked over at Maya, who had abruptly removed the pillow from her face upon recognizing the voice.
"Just…stay out there!" Ritsuko called out. She turned back to Maya. "Don't move," she warned.
Maya gripped the pillow in her hands, but stayed in the bed.
Ritsuko took a deep breath before quickly slipping out the door and closing it behind her, placing herself between it and the scrawny boy in the hallway. "I told you to stay downstairs!" she hissed. "What are you doing up so late?!"
"I couldn't sleep." Shinji nervously shifted his weight. "I… thought she might be hungry, so… I made fried rice."
Ritsuko looked down. Sure enough, in his hands was a small bowl of fried rice, made with egg, onion, carrots, and some sort of meat. It smelled pretty good.
Oh yeah. They hadn't fed her, had they?
"I'll—thank you, Shinji, I'll give it to her." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, wanting to avoid chewing him out. "But you need to stay away from this room, Shinji, okay? It's… it's not safe for you."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's… it was nice of you Shinji…" She took the bowl but gave an exasperated sigh. "Jesus fucking Christ, Shinji, why do you have to be so nice all the time?"
"…not so nice."
"What?"
"Nothing."
She opened the door. Shinji peeked into the room and was immediately greeted by the sight of Maya staring straight at him from the bed.
For a brief second they made eye contact, like two acquaintances passing by each other on the street. Shinji didn't have a whole lot of time to read into it before Ritsuko closed the door, but there was something strange about Maya's wide-eyed look. Perhaps it was disbelief that he had dared show his face.
After a moment of standing there, considering his next move, he chose to turn and head back down the stairs.
Maya stared at the door for a moment longer before looking back at Ritsuko. "What did he want?" she growled.
"He thought you might be hungry. Here." Ritsuko held out the bowl.
Maya stared at the bowl for a moment as she comprehended what was in it before turning her head away. "I don't want it."
"You haven't eaten anything since you got back, and empty stomachs mess with sleep. So eat."
Maya could smell the rice. It actually smelled pretty good, but still she looked away. "I'm not touching anything he made."
"Are you gonna make me force feed you? Because I'm more than happy to if it means you'll get some food in your stomach." Ritsuko dug the spoon into the rice and held it out. "Here comes the airplane…" she said sarcastingly.
Maya glared at her before finally snatching the bowl and spoon. She gave the food a cautious taste before commencing eating.
Ritsuko smiled. She was relieved that Maya was eating, at least. "How is it?" she asked.
"It's good," Maya admitted.
"Yeah… Shinji's a pretty good cook."
Maya let out another grunt in reply.
They exchanged no more words for the next several minutes. Maya stayed focus on her food, while Ritsuko simply watched.
When the bowl was empty, Ritsuko placed it on a nearby dresser while Maya lay her head back and returned to staring at the ceiling.
And the uncomfortable silence returned.
Finally, Ritsuko spoke up. "You gonna sleep or…?"
"I'll get to it," Maya muttered.
"You'd better. I'm not giving you anymore ketamine to help." She laughed slightly.
Maya turned and glared at her.
"Sorry, that was…that was inappropriate."
Maya rubbed the part of her neck where Ritsuko had inserted the needle. "You didn't have to sedate me."
"If I hadn't, would you have stopped trying to kill Shinji?"
"…"
"Yeah, I didn't think so. Go to sleep, Maya."
Maya returned to staring up at the ceiling. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you all trying to protect him?"
Oh boy. Ritsuko didn't answer.
Maya prodded. "How can you protect him after what he did?"
"What he did?" Ritsuko laughed slightly. "You mean what we did to him. Maya, he's a child. A scared little boy who was manipulated and traumatized by people who didn't care about him at all."
"He ended the world!"
"He was treated like garbage until he saw no other alternative, and he made an impulsive decision! Sound familiar?"
Maya stared at her.
"Come on, Maya. You and I both know what you did today was impulsive. You needed someone to blame… and you picked on a little boy instead of someone who actually helped cause Third Impact." She crossed her arms. "Everyone who worked at NERV helped things along, including you."
Maya's eyes widened with anger. How dare Ritsuko blame her?! "I…I didn't know! I wouldn't have done anything if I'd known what it was we were working towards! Don't you understand that?"
"Understand? Maya, I knew everything. And I went along with it anyway." She leaned in. "Get a good look at your senpai's face, Maya, because I'm more responsible for Third Impact than Shinji is. So…are you gonna try to kill me now?" She held out her arms. "Go on. I'm wide open."
Maya stared at Ritsuko. But she made no move towards her.
"Didn't think so." Ritsuko leaned back. "And guess what? I still have nightmares about how much pain and suffering happened because I was too obsessed with Commander Ikari to care to stop it all. I don't think I deserve forgiveness, or anything resembling a normal life for what I've done. But somehow Shinji, in his infinite naïveté, thinks even I deserve some form of happiness. He's wished forgiveness on everyone who's come back so far—and clearly that includes you, despite that little stunt you pulled today. So I'd rather not see you squander his kindness, if you don't mind."
Maya blinked, a little stunned by Ritsuko's speech. But eventually she got back her nerve. "He forgives me? Well I'm not ready to forgive him. He still caused Third Impact!"
"And he also helped reverse it. Either way," Ritsuko added pointedly. "He doesn't deserve to die for it."
Maya was quiet for a moment. "He doesn't deserve to go unpunished either," she muttered as she turned over in the bed and closed her eyes. Clearly she was too exhausted to continue this conversation with Ritsuko.
"Who said he's gone unpunished?" Ritsuko shrugged. "I'd say he's punished himself plenty. If anything, he deserves some sort of victory."
If Maya heard her, she didn't show it. A moment later she was snoring.
Asuka opened and closed her right fist a few times.
In her quiet moments alone, she had taken to doing this: it was her way of keeping her hand active.
Of course, she couldn't do much once an attack actually happened, particularly once she fell asleep. For that reason, tonight she was trying especially hard not to fall asleep before Shinji returned.
There were a few things bothering her about this whole business. One was the fact that they were now living with a woman who only hours beforehand had tried to kill Shinji—and she was only one floor above them. Two was the fact that, realistically, she was not the only possible returnee from Third Impact who would want to do this.
But most importantly, it was how Shinji was taking all this. Those first few weeks had been rough for him, especially with Asuka and Misato's initially volatile relationship, but after her injury they had settled into a comfortable routine. Misato went hunting. Ritsuko operated the radio. Shinji tended the garden. Asuka did… uh…
Well, she mostly stayed in bed. But still, she kept herself busy with her violin and writing fanfiction.
She sighed. It went without saying she had some ulterior motives in inviting Shinji to sleep in the bedroom. Nothing drastic or anything, just… an excuse to be in his company, and maybe, just maybe, gauge how comfortable they were in taking any next steps.
And then Ibuki arrived and fucked that all up.
She heard the door open and looked up in time to see Shinji walk a few steps forward and collapse into his futon—which was accompanied by a loud "thunk" and a muttered, "Ow."
"Serves you right for landing so hard," Asuka remarked. "How'd it go?"
"Fine," he said.
Silence.
"That's it?"
"I don't know if she ate," he shrugged. "I only gave Dr. Akagi the food."
"Knowing her, she would've forced Ibuki to eat it eventually."
"Yeah…"
They were quiet for a while longer.
Asuka hated this silence. She knew Shinji wasn't sleeping, and she sure as hell couldn't sleep. So why did they have to be quiet all the time?
"Shinji," she said finally. "Thanks for being here."
"What?"
"Thanks for agreeing to sleep here tonight. I really appreciate it."
There was a long silence.
Asuka frowned. Had he heard her?
Then she heard laughing.
"Shinji?" She lifted herself a little to get a better view of him.
Sure enough, he was starting to laugh.
"Hey!" she snapped. "Don't laugh at that, I'm serious!"
Finally the laughter eased off. "Asuka, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not going to work."
The hell? "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What good is you or Misato or Ritsuko being so nice to me all the time, when we know what the rest of the world probably thinks?"
"Shinji, I was just—"
"She actually tried to kill me!" His outburst shut her up. "She really tried! You should've seen the rage in her eyes, Asuka! Pure, unfiltered hate… it's exactly what I've dreamed would happen when people came back." He laughed. "I honestly thought I was imagining it! That people would be fine with me when they came back!"
"Shinji…"
"What a joke! I always figured everyone in the entire world wants me dead."
"Hey, hey! Look at me, Shinji."
He looked. "What?"
"Not everyone wants you dead, Shinji! Instrumentality means everyone knows what happened to you, right? Most people are more understanding than you'd think. Ibuki's just lashing out because she's traumatized."
"She's lashing out because she blames me for everything that happened that day." He had to laugh again. "And you know what? She's not wrong."
Asuka didn't have an immediate response to that. And before she could even attempt to come up with one, something else caught her attention.
The sun shining in her face.
"I'm a murderer, Asuka."
"Don't."
Her outstretched hand reaching towards the sky…
"I deserve to be punished."
"Don't you dare."
The spear of Longinus…
"Maybe I should've let her—"
"DAMMIT SHINJI!" she screamed, partly out of frustration, and partly out of the searing pain that now engulfed her arm.
He stopped and looked over, suddenly realizing Asuka was clutching at her arm. "Asuka?" he asked, worried. "Is it happening?"
Asuka opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a pained "F U C K."
"Hey!" He got out of his sleeping bag and ran to her side, grabbing at her hand. "Deep breaths, Asuka. Deep breaths. It's not real, it's all in your head."
Asuka squeezed Shinji's hand tightly until she felt the pain subside.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm…I'm fine."
He stared at her face, suddenly noticing something. "Asuka, are you crying?"
Tears were streaming down her face. "No," she managed to choke.
She didn't know why this was happening. Sure, it had hurt, but neither more nor less than it ever had before. Maybe it was humiliation at Shinji seeing her like this. Maybe it was relief that he was here. Maybe it was tinge of fear she had been holding in all day, that she had come very close to losing him.
And then Shinji did something that surprised the both of them. He put his arms around Asuka and pulled her into a hug.
Asuka was so stunned she didn't know how to react at first. Finally she wrapped her own arms around Shinji and hugged him back.
"Let it all out," he offered.
Asuka buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. Even when the tears ran dry, they both held tight, refusing to let go.
"I wish things were different," Shinji said after a while.
Asuka sniffled. "Me too," she replied quietly.
They held on to each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the two of them collapsed into the bed, still holding each other, and drifted off into sleep.
"No…no…"
Ritsuko jolted awake. Crap, she wasn't supposed to sleep, that was the whole point of standing guard. She rubbed her eyes and let things come back into focus.
Immediately she realized Maya was tossing and turning in her sleep.
"…why do they want the EVAs…so badly?" she murmured.
She's having a nightmare, Ritsuko thought to herself. "Maya?" she said aloud.
"No…NO!" Maya shouted. She began to flail around in the bed, kicking off the covers as she did so.
No, not just a nightmare. Night terrors. And pretty violent ones, by the looks of it.
Ritsuko stood up and tried to shake Maya awake. "Maya, wake up!" she said.
"NO!" Maya screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" The bed rocked under her as she thrashed about.
Ritsuko toyed with the idea of letting Maya ride this one out, but she didn't want to wake the whole house with Maya's screaming.
Seeing no other option, Ritsuko took a deep breath before getting onto the bed and wrapping her arms around Maya, holding her in place. "Maya!" she shout-whispered. "Maya, calm down!"
Maya at first resisted to being held, but after a few seconds her movements slowed, and she relaxed into Ritsuko's body.
For the briefest of moments, Ritsuko considered just remaining in the bed like this for the rest of the night.
However, cooler heads prevailed, and she climbed out of the bed and sat back down in her chair, quietly watching Maya until she too drifted off into sleep.
Misato stared at the half-empty beer can in her hand. She was on her 6th can tonight. Probably the last.
Why had she lied to Shinji today? Asuka was always the observant type—of course she had noticed the beer on her breath the other night. Misato held out hope that Shinji believed Asuka imagined it, but another part of her knew they were too close for Shinji to just dismiss Asuka's opinion.
God, it made her happy that those two were getting closer. But it made all this so much harder for her.
Why had she lied? It was to protect them: they had enough problems in the world to deal with. It was her responsibility to protect them from all of that—including her own personal problems. So she was a depressed alcoholic with severe survivor's guilt that had traumatized her as a child, which had only been retriggered by this whole situation they now found themselves in.
She chugged down the rest of the can.
So what? That wasn't their burden, it was hers.
Afraid of what'll happen to him when other people come back?
She finished the empty can in her hands and threw it across the room. Then she reached down, grabbed another can, popped it open, and started drinking.
She was afraid. She was very, very afraid.