Disclaimer: All Disney works are the property of The Walt Disney Company. All other characters and settings are the property of their respective legal owners.
Author's note: Originally posted by Anon e Mouse Jr. on 2017-12-23. This is the third of five chapters posted today.
Disney/Kingdom Hearts Loops, Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Three of Five
23.3 (GMBlackjack): [My Little Pony] / [Gravity Falls] / [Doctor Who] / [Stargate] / [Many, many more] / [Admin Shenanigans] - also compiled in MLP Time Loops as part of a single chapter, Gravity Falls Finale.
The Infinite Loops: Weirdmageddon, part 3
Conclusion to Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic
They all began to appear in an area of complete blackness, and all still in the form of ponies. Applejack, Lyra, Toby, and Ivan appeared first. Moments later, Chrysalis, Wendy, and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy, The Shapeshifter, and Powers appeared third, followed closely by Gideon, Ghost Eyes, and Rarity.
It took a full minute for Tad, Starlight, and Twilight to appear.
The five present elements quickly ran to each other, entering an embrace. Fluttershy and Rarity were visibly distraught, but the five friends managed to comfort each other. Starlight began to back away awkwardly.
"Starlight, get in here." Twilight said, pulling her into the group hug. Starlight resisted at first, but quickly realized resistance was futile. She smiled.
Lyra grinned. Starlight was smiling, five of them were freed, and they were in complete blackness. It all looked-
Wait complete blackness?
Everyone began to take in their surroundings. There was nothing. Aside from themselves, it was just empty blackness.
"This appears to be a formless void." Tad Strange observed.
"Thank you captain obvious." Lyra muttered, looking for anything in the blackness. She squinted her eyes, looking carefully. She pointed her hoof. "Over there. I think I see… something."
The somewhat large group began to walk in the direction she pointed. At first, it seemed as if they were approaching nothing. Then, as they got closer, they saw something pink in the distance.
"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled first, beginning to gallop towards the pink form. Everyone else followed suit, though those who weren't used to the equine bodies kept tripping over their own four hooves.
Twilight was the first to arrive. At Pinkie's feet were the dozen or so mental patients who entered the Bubble. Pinkie herself was bound to some kind of invisible pole, wrapped in all sorts of eldritch chains. Her eyes were closed and her hair was straight. She made no movement, seemingly dejected.
Twilight quickly lit up her horn, enveloping Pinkie in a spell of healing. To Twilight's surprise, Pinkie didn't need any healing. She was just… not fighting.
The pink pony opened her eyes, sensing something was different. Instantly her hair poofed up and a grin appeared on her face. "TWILIGHT!" She exclaimed with glee. "OH IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU!"
Twilight nodded, discovering that Pinkie was suddenly outside the chains, bouncing like her normal self. "Oh I'm so happy to see you! I was completely alone for… I don't know how long! Bill couldn't convince me that the illusion was real, so he used the energy from you five to lock me up here completely alone! But since you're all here I'm free! Free! This calls for a party!"
Twilight smiled. She should have known better than to be concerned for Pinkie.
"Glad to have you back Pinkie." Lyra said as Pinkie let out a barrage of party cannons. "Now… how do we get out of here?"
Pinkie thought about this for a moment. "Oh that's easy, we need to fracture the Tree of Harmony by sending the elements into a feedback loop!"
Twilight shook her head slowly. "But that'd corrupt the Magic of Harmony for this Loop? Don't we need it to defeat Bill?"
Pinkie shrugged. "He knows it's dangerous, so he used it against us. The only way for us to get out is to neutralize the magic!"
"This sounds like a bit of a convenience for our enemy…" Ghost Eyes observed.
Pinkie shrugged. "He can only manipulate the Magic of Harmony indirectly. He can't actually alter its structure: we have to do that. He just made it so we'd have to."
Twilight nodded. "So we have to make the Elements completely useless for this loop… Alright I have to admit he's very clever. I wonder how many backup plans he has."
"More." Was Pinkie's only response to this.
Twilight nodded. "Well, now's the time to show him he doesn't have enough. Girls? Let's stand together, this is going to take a while to charge up…"
The Shapeshifter watched as the six ponies congregated around each other. Unlike the others, he actually was able to return to his normal form. He frowned. "Does this seem odd to you?"
"Odd how?" Ivan asked.
"Too easy, that's how…" The Shapeshifter said.
As soon as the words left his mouth, the darkness began to take shape. Creatures from the depths of Hades began to appear, taking familiar yet distorted forms. The combined nightmares of everyone present took place: evil versions of themselves, memories of intense torture and pain, subconscious dark desires. There were the standard boogeymen and monsters-in-closets from childhood, tied together with lost children and ghosts of those long dead. Visions of past mistakes, past murders, past losses of self. Visions of horrid futures given form: lumbering shapes that looked like wastelands, beings that appeared to be crumbling trees, spheres that showed the death of all things. The loss of loved ones, the destruction of homes.
More than a few of the nightmares looked like distorted versions of Bill himself, many with impossible geometries.
Then all the nightmares surged in at once, teeth gnashing.
The mane six were occupied with their magic, unable to do anything in their state. So that left Lyra in charge. "We have to protect them guys!" She leapt into the air, pulling out a multi-barrel rocket launcher. It occurred to her that she probably needed Seapony to make the most of this rocket launcher, but she had to go with what she had.
The rockets flew out, rippling the dark realm with explosions. But the nightmares came closer, attacking all they could.
The Shapeshifter was struck by a nightmare, and found that he was permanently stuck as a butterfly. He screamed, attempting to get away from an angry version of Ford. A similar thing happened to Chrysalis.
Ivan had a completely different problem. The nightmares that were surrounding him were of him doing things he couldn't recognize: him having a family, him destroying the lives of children, him killing people in cold blood. "I didn't do these things! I didn't!"
"How do you know?" They responded, before attacking him full force.
Tad was assaulted by bread. He reacted by screaming in a… calm way. Somehow.
Gideon was being assaulted by dozens of evil Rarities, Bill Ciphers, and Lyras.
Powers and Lyra were the ones standing against the nightmares most effectively. Powers because of his lack of any kind of dreams, and Lyra because she was used to this kind of thing. One tended to become immune to nightmares when they became commonplace after all, and receiving Loop Memories from all possible Lyras every Loop meant at least one horror Loop on average usually snuck in. Luckily Sweet Roll didn't understand fear, so that was her job to handle.
Lyra kept tossing Powers weapons and he used them admirably, calculatingly destroying nightmares left and right, protecting the six Elemental ponies. Lyra was mildly impressed that he was able to do all this in the body of a pony.
But it wasn't enough; there were just too many.
Starlight was trying, she really was, but she had been overwhelmed by images of ponies dying, of wastelands come to life, of her extended nightmare… The power of it was just too strong for her. She broke down, curling into a ball. It was just too much. Bill had her live an entire life in one night, months where she made great connections and saw some amazing things. Then everything died and it all turned out to be some dream of a possible future.
And both of her fears were being displayed to her: the fear that everyone was dead and that everyone would still die, or that none of it was real or ever had been real. That it was all a pointless dream made up by the One Eyed Demon to trick her…
She began to weep as the nightmares closed in on her. She wished her friends were here-
"ALRIGHT YOU NUT GRABBING PATHETIC SONS OF RETARDED DONKEYS! TAKE THIS!"
Starlight raised her head. She knew that voice…
She stared in awe as several dozen guns appeared from nowhere, being held in the air by green magic. They all unleashed simultaneously, driving bullets, explosions, and magic deep into the nightmares, driving them back. As the noise died down, a grey mare was revealed. Brown hair and a strange device around her front leg-
"LITTLEPIP?" Lyra gawked. "WHAT THE- HOW THE- WHAAAAA….?" The four personalities began to break down as they couldn't comprehend what the variant pony was doing here.
Starlight stared at Littlepip. "...What are you doing here?"
The mare smiled. "I'm a dream of yours. And dreams always coexist with nightmares. Now let's BLOW THEM UP!"
Lyra smacked the side of her head. "Of course! Dreams! EVERYONE THINK ABOUT YOUR DREAMS!"
Powers blinked. "What?"
"Not you. You continue doing what you're doing." Lyra said, focusing on her inner dreams. Everyone else did the same.
Then things began to change.
The Shapeshifter and Chrysalis returned to their original forms. The Shapeshifter's dreams took the shape of freedom and the stars, while Chrysalis' took on the shape of her drones and a happy, normal life. They attacked the nightmares in full force.
Ivan's dreams took the shapes of knowledge and a certain beautiful woman he would deny everything about later. He dreamed about being a good person who had no need to erase memories, that there really wasn't anything he was hiding from himself.
Gideon dreamed of Rarity. At first he thought it was awesome. "All right! Let's get 'im!" Then he looked at the Rarity dreams, and saw how they all seemed sad. Dejected. He frowned. "Y'all know you don't have to fight if ya don't want to…" He smiled. "I free ya to do what you wish!"
And with that, the Rarity dreams became beacons of light, attacking all the nightmares away. Gideon grinned. "This feels much better."
Ghost Eyes roared, flinging kitten fists at the Nightmares. The insane patients created unusual nightmares of their own as their dreams. Fighting fire with fire. The two psyches clashed, colors flying everywhere.
Wendy became a cross between a super heroine, an axe wielding insane person, and flaming elemental.
Next to Powers, two unusual men appeared, both looking way too… colorful.
"Hey there dude!" One said.
"We're Xyler and Craz!" The other said.
"And since you have no dreams-"
"We're here to fill in for them!"
Powers made a grunting noise. "Then help!" He said, firing his gun.
"Nah…" Xyler said, sitting back. "Totally more bodacious to just enjoy the show."
"Yeah!" Craz responded. "Pony fights are awesome!"
Lyra split into four forms, Human throwing Sweetroll as if she were a fireball. "HERE WE GO!"
Pony leapt into the air, somehow wielding Thief like a sword. "TAKE THIS! And THIS! And-"
"THIS!" The entire black space lit up in an explosion, sending all the combatants flying. In the middle of the release of power stood a mint-green fishy form.
"SEAPONY!" The other Lyra's squealed in glee. "So good to have you back!"
"LET'S WRECK SOME NIGHTMARES!"
"Heck yes!"
The fight drew to a standstill, and that was all that was needed. They just had to keep the mane 6 safe.
Then Starlight's dreams entered the fray, Littlepip leading the charge of dozens of people, ideas, and dreams. "Okay. Time to blow up some sorry excuses for Luna-forsaken nightmares. Let's show them some real pain guys."
The dreams whooped, charging in, guns blazing. Starlight smiled. Everything felt… Right.
It was at this point that Twilight yelled "DONE!"
Soos, Everfree Forest Desperado, watched as the Tree of Harmony began to crack and shatter. The corrupted crystal split down the middle, and the giant Bubble began to ripple with greater and greater speed.
Then it exploded in a shower of sparks, Harmonious energy flying everywhere. The Bubble was no more, the tree nothing more than a stump with a few shards here and there.
Soos gaped as dozens of people fell from where the Bubble had been. He rushed towards them, helping them up. "Dudes! Haven't seen you in ages!"
Lyra rubbed her forehead. "Yeah…" She chuckled. "My head hurts…"
Gideon whooped. "That. Was. Amazin'!"
"It certainly was Darling." Rarity added.
Ghost Eyes held Gideon and Lyra high. "WE HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL!"
Everyone celebrated in a series of whoops and cheers and party cannons.
Tad Strange spoke up. "Excuse me everyone, but it appears as if we have some unexpected company." He pointed at some forms that had not entered the bubble, but had come out. Among them were Xyler, Craz, a strange being apparently made of stars, Angel Bunny, another Rarity, a loaf of bread, and-"
"Littlepip!" Starlight cheered, rushing up to her friends and hugging intensely.
"Woah woah! Calm down there! Just because I'm alive again doesn't mean- well never mind yes it does."
Starlight was crying. "You.. you were dead… everyone was dead… It was all gone… all of it…"
Twilight walked up to the two of them. She understood what had happened now. "Bill sent you an extended dream that he based off of something he found buried in our minds."
Starlight's eyes widened. "So you're telling me what I saw actually exists somewhere?"
"It's not that common of a variant, at least for us-it's a variant of a different reality, long story- but yes I have met Littlepip a few times."
"That's… that's horrible. Everyone dies, over and over again-"
"Actually Starlight, it all ends in sunshine and rainbows." Twilight said, looking over at Pinkie meaningfully. "Bill must have distorted the dream to manipulate you."
Starlight's face lost all emotion for a few seconds. Then it cemented into a shape of pure rage. "I AM GOING TO KILL HIM."
Littlepip grinned. "That's my Starlight. Now, since I'm here why don't we go blow up some chaos god ass? I've always wanted to do that."
Twilight shrugged. "You are generally pretty good at being a living arsenal… But we should probably regroup with everyone first. Lyra, how are all the other Loopers doing?"
"Uh… Well - Seapony get out of here! Just because you're back does not give you free reign! Let me talk! - Frosting - You see Ford got captured, I have no idea where the Doctor is, and Stan should be at the Mystery Shack, bunkering up."
"Then that's where we're headed." Twilight waved her hand, scanning the area. "Time to trek through this Weirdmageddon and find the Shack. Then we take the fight to Bill."
Starlight gaped. "You… you can fight him directly?"
Twilight chuckled. "We're Loopers, Starlight. Something in our Pockets is going to do something to him. And with all our friends around, we've probably got enough resources to start a new universe." She winked. "Let's go get him."
Ghost Eyes pointed. "Look, there's a spark in the sky!"
Everyone turned. Twilight paled. She recognized a tactical nuke when she saw one.
Powers nodded. "Wondered when they were going to do that."
Twilight immediately raised a shield around the immediate area, preparing for a nuclear impact. But none came- the missile was stopped by some kind of barrier around the entire town. She watched as the explosion rippled the barrier. Lots of golden numbers and equations began to appear around the nuclear explosion's impact site, and Twilight felt the barrier vanish.
Then they all heard the laugh.
"AHAHAHHAHAHA-AH-AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA-HA!"
Nobody saw Bill, but it felt like he was suddenly everywhere. Like he had been released from somewhere, and was now able to control everything.
"We need to get back to the Shack. Now." Wendy said.
Bill had done it. The barrier was down. And down for good. There was nothing stopping him anymore.
He'd told the Henchmaniacs to stay behind in the Fearamid. They had disappointed him: he'd needed to get his hands dirty to defeat the barrier. So he decided he would get to bend the universe to his whim first and he'd let them join in on the fun later. They got to stay in that stupid town as if they had a barrier of their own.
But him?
He grew. To a truly absurd size, dwarfing the Earth.
"HELLO, NATIONS OF THE THIRD PEBBLE FROM THE SUN! THE NAME'S BILL CIPHER: AND IT'S TIME TO HAVE SOME OF THE MOST AMAZING FUN KNOWN TO ALL EXISTENCE! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN INTO A PARTY THAT NEVER STOPS! ARE YOU EXCITED? I KNOW I'M EXCITED!"
He started by drawing a smiley face onto North America, flattening hundreds of cities and ending hundreds of thousands of lives. He cackled, bringing all the dead ones back to life as mutant crab creatures.
Bill was vaguely aware of some top-secret satellites firing all sorts of secret doomsday weapons at him. They only tickled. He was also aware of dozens of different cults and magical societies sending advanced hexes and anti-chaos spells at him.
Admirable tries
"HAHAHAHHAHAHA! DO YOU ALL THINK THAT THAT'LL STOP ME? YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING-"
He blinked, sensing something highly advanced activating in a section of Colorado that he hadn't flattened. He sensed Ford and the Doctor receive a Ping... and something else...
"LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE NEW HAS COME TO CRASH THE PARTY."
"You got that right you equilateral moron!" A voice said over a radio. "Name's General Jack O'Neill, and I'm not happy to Wake Up to this!"
"OH BOY THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME COLONEL SNARK? YES I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. THINK YOU CAN STOP ME?"
"Probably not. But I do have a few million ships in my Pocket and a lot of allies to call in favors from."
Suddenly, dozens of ships dropped out of hyperspace around Bill, and millions more began to appear from nowhere. Bill recognized ships of all sorts of universes, Federation ships, Asgard ships, Borg ships, Imperium ships, Culture ships. There were even several designs he didn't recognize immediately. He didn't have time to try either as they all opened fire on him at once.
Bill felt pain. It wasn't a feeling completely alien to him: he had felt particularly devastating mental abuse before. He knew what it felt like to have one's mind flayed and to have limbs removed.
That being said, he hadn't felt any of that for a long time. And some of these gigantic weapons that O'Neill had stashed away were actually tearing his form apart. Curse that stupid General and his fascination with big honkin' space guns.
Bill swept his arm wide, a wave of intense gamma rays flying out and melting hundreds of ships. Bill then proceed to duplicate himself in a fractal pattern, spreading out tiny versions of himself that were smaller than atoms, tearing apart the weapons at their most basic levels. Bill reformed into a body the size of jupiter, destroying many ships simply with his rapid growth. He felt another large impact on himself, destabilizing his form. He roared, specifically targeting those ships with that very annoying brand of magic.
From Earth, the night sky lit up with all the colors people could imagine, and some they couldn't. The colors of magical blasts, antimatter explosions, transdimensional rays, and uber-powerful lasers lit up the sky.
O'Neill grinned. That triangular nacho was doomed. As soon as he thought this he frowned.
"Stupid Murphy…" He muttered as he prepared plan B.
Bill flew in and out between the fleets of ships, fracturing himself into hundreds of small chunks and tearing the ships apart molecule by molecule, taking out all the craft that had any mildly annoying weapons on them.
After doing that, it became nothing more than a game. Toss ships at each other, trick them into shooting each other, have two ships suddenly gain sentience, fall in love, and then be destroyed by an angry jealous ship. It was so fun!
Bill eventually prevailed, destroying virtually all the ships, and repairing what damage had been done rapidly. He laughed. "THAT ALL YOU PATHETIC HUMANS GOT? COME ON, HIT ME WITH A BLACK HOLE OR SOMETHING AT LEAST-"
Then a tremendous ship the size of a star appeared before Bill. It was a long ship, vaguely rectangular in shape. It had two gigantic bays that could be used to move planets beneath it, and Bill sensed some kind of omniuniversal force powering it, in addition to several lesser backup systems. Bill sensed dozens of types of propulsion, obviously designed to work in whatever universe the ship happened to find itself in.
It was also armed to the teeth of the teeth. Weapons of all kinds, shapes, colors, materials, and makes lined every last section of the ship, and Bill sensed more weapons inside the ship itself, some designed to begin functioning once part of the ship was blown off while others were designed to fire from inside the ship itself.
On the side, in gigantic planet-sized letters, the name Enterprise was emblazoned. Bill groaned inwardly. "YOU EVER THINK YOU SHOULD COME UP WITH A BETTER NAME FOR YOUR BIG SHIPS?"
O'Neill simply grinned. "How about Chaos Bane? I did design this thing to face off against your kind, after all."
Bill blinked slowly. "YOU AND I BOTH KNOW YOU HAD CARTER DO MOST THE WORK."
"Yeah, so what? I'm still going to blow you up."
"ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT?"
"Oh? What's that?"
Bill snapped his fingers, teleporting right in front of O'Neil. The people of Stargate Command began to panic as the jupiter-sized demon they had been scanning suddenly appeared in front of them the size of a dorito. "THIS." He scanned O'Neill's brain, ignoring all the pathetic bullets that kept grazing him. He quickly found all the nuances of controlling the ship and teleported out before the General got smart and smashed him with a transdimensional hammer or something. He chuckled as he realized the ship was specially designed only to respond to the thoughts of the Stargate Loopers. That was virtually impassable, only a being with absurd amounts of power and complete dominion over the mind would be able to hack the system…
Bill spent about a minute making a mimic of O'Neill's brainwaves, making sure to stay hidden from the behemoth ship's sensors. Then he set out a single command: Disable all power systems.
The Enterprise, feat of Looper engineering countless years in the making, abruptly ceased functioning. It sat in space, drifting. In a few weeks there would have been a problem with it impacting into Earth, but Bill would make sure his favorite little planet was safe. Relatively speaking, anyway. For now though, he needed to pay attention to the rest of the universe. After all, with O'Neill, the Doctor, the Ponies, and the native Loopers being here, there were probably many other Branches linked here. Some with their own Loopers that could Awaken at any moment. He would have to deal with them all, one way or another.
He wondered who he would find…
As he left, he lowered the gravity of the Earth to 75%, just to mess with people.
Starlight tripped over her own to feet as the gravity of Earth lessened. Normally this wouldn't have been much of a problem. But she'd been walking up to the door of the Mystery Shack, preparing to knock and see if anyone was home.
She stumbled over the front step, hitting the front door and accidentally bashing it in. She groaned, beginning to sit up. She froze as she noticed several dozen cruel looking and unusual weapons pointed at her. The crowd inside the shack consisted of many familiar faces, people she'd seen around town. Pacifica Northwest, Old Man McGucket, that guy who married the woodpecker. She also saw many of the unusual creatures of Gravity Falls: Celestabethabethabelle, a few Manataurs, several gnomes, the Multibear, and the golf-ball people. Several were partially turned to stone, injured, and missing limbs. (Or had new limbs that didn't used to be there.)
"Woah woah woah!" Rainbow Dash said, flying in. "Lay off!" She glared at all the weapon-holders disapprovingly. "You should be ashamed of yourselves!"
"She's the one who let Bill in!" Stan said, coming to the head of the crowd. "Why are you defending her?"
Littlepip shoved a gun into Stan's chin. "She said lay off so lay off."
"Who're you?" Stan asked, slowly moving the gun off his chin.
"She's totally bodacious!" Xyler, Craz, and Toby all said at once. "That's who!"
Stan looked at the technicolor men. "No. No. How are you here! Mabel isn't here. Why? Is this some kind of cruel joke? BILLLLL!"
"Calm down Stan." Twilight said, strolling into the Shack. She looked at everyone around. "...This is quite a diverse set of people…"
Stan grunted. "McGucket here brought them all in yesterday. Said their previous hiding spot got compromised or something. I, being the gentleman that I am, let them in."
"Ah had to bribe ya!" McGucket objected.
Stan glared at the old man.
Celestabethabethabelle. stood up, walking towards them all. "Oh heroes pure of heart, please save us from this horrid existence-" Then she saw Applejack. "Oh. You."
"Celestabethabethabelle." Applejack said, frowning.
"Nevermind I take it all back. We're doomed."
Littlepip growled. "Now listen here you cheating cocky little-"
Tad Strange interrupted. "Perhaps we should all try to work together and come up with a way to end this inconvenience instead of tearing at the each other's throats?"
Stan groaned. "Tad, why are you involved?"
"I think it's because I'm the most level headed."
"I doubt that." Powers objected.
"He does seem a lot less MANLY than you!" Pupitaur yelled, giving Rainbow Dash a high-five in the process.
Rarity frowned. "I thought you were shunned by the Manataurs Rainbow?"
"Eh. I went back a few times and had some fun." Everyone stared at her. "What? They're good people to hang around. We do awesome stuff! All while hiding it from Tirek!" Another round of high-fives and a hoofbump with one of the other unicorns.
Jeff the gnome groaned. "This is absurd. This is just absurd."
"And posing as a human to snag a queen isn't?" Applejack responded, raising her eyebrow.
"Completely normal for gnomes." Jeff retorted.
"And the attempted kidnapping?"
"...Not so much."
Ivan shrugged. "Kidnapping isn't that unusual."
Starlight glared. "That was a stupid way to go about our business and you know it."
"I thought it was very rocking."
Ivan and Starlight slowly turned to stare at Maud. "I thought your memory was erased?"
"It was. Then Boulder reminded me."
Ivan and Starlight couldn't comprehend this.
"Ah remember stuff too!" McGucket said, slapping his knee. "Perhaps we can trade notes!"
"I liked quartz while my memory was lost. Now I like sandstone. You?"
"Uh... " McGucket blinked, squinting. "Er… Blue sandstone? I like blue sandstone."
"Cool."
Stan groaned. "This bodes well."
Twilight held up a hand. "Now hold on, we aren't doomed. We have collected here some of the greatest minds and most diverse skillsets this world has ever known. Surely we can do something to end Bill's reign."
"But what?" Starlight asked. "He is an all powerful Chaos god at this point. What are we going to do to stop him?"
"Unicorn hair." Twilight said, grinning. "We are going to need a lot of unicorn hair."
"You do not get to have my royal locks!" Celestabethabethabelle made certain everyone knew.
Rarity sighed, transforming herself again. "Guess it's time to get the hair-growth tonic and the shaver…" She shuddered. "I'll be back in a few minutes with several metric tons of hair…"
Anakin, currently in his Darth Vader guise, was talking to Jean-Luc Picard at the negotiating table. The two of them had Awoken about an hour ago, though Anakin wasn't entirely sure about Picard. He could never tell with the Star Trek Loopers.
"So…" Anakin began. "A peace between our two galaxies?"
"It would be extremely beneficial to the both of us." Picard responded. "Imagine, the first galactic alliance the cosmos has ever seen-"
"ACTUALLY IT HAPPENED A FEW MILLION YEARS AGO ALREADY. BUT I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT." Bill turned his chair around, sitting at a side of the table that didn't exist five minutes ago. "BUT DO CONTINUE, IT HAS TO BE INTERESTING."
Picard stood up. "What are you and why are you here?"
"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?" His eye transformed into a viewscreen, showcasing images from both their Looping lives. "YOU ARE LOOPERS. AND NO DOUBT YOU WILL TRY TO STOP ME."
"From doing what?" Anakin asked.
"WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW!" He clapped his hands, turning the two of them into golden statues. Then he frowned.
"NICE TRICK, DIPLOMAT. BUT I CAN STILL SENSE YOUR MIND SOMEWHERE-"
The entire room blew up with an intense transdimensional attack. Bill teleported out, Anakin in his hand. "WOAH WOAH WOAH! THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR! OH WAIT, YES IT IS, BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR MIND!" Bill snapped his fingers, teleporting the real Picard too him. "THAT WAS REALLY CLEVER HIDING YOUR HOLOGRAPHIC NATURE IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS SO THAT EVEN YOU WEREN'T AWARE OF IT."
"Who are you and what do you want?"
"NAME'S BILL CIPHER. I WANT TO PARTY. ANY MORE QUESTIONS?"
"Where's Q?"
"NONEXISTENT IN THIS REALITY, APPARENTLY. WHICH IS RATHER FORTUNATE, HE WOULD HAVE CRAMPED MY STYLE."
He snapped his fingers, turning Picard to stone. Then he felt a searing pain in the back of his eye. He whirled around to see the golden statue of Anakin using the Force to impale him with a gigantic lightsaber. Bill twitched, encasing the statue in anti-Force materials. "CLEVER. REALLY NICE TRY. BUT NO LUCK, DARTH VADER. I'M JUST TOO CLEVER FOR YOU."
The golden statue stared back at him.
"TRYING TO BREAK THE PETRIFICATION? HA! GOOD LUCK. THERE'S A REASON YOU AREN'T JUST STONE RIGHT NOW, THAT'S A VERY SPECIAL SUBSTANCE YOU'RE MADE OF. EVEN WITH YOUR SKILLS IT SHOULD TAKE YOU A FEW DECADES TO GET OUT! AHAAHAHAHHAHA-HE-AHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!"
"Ah'm putting the arm here!" Applejack said, hammering a large mechanical arm into place.
"Remember to lace the unicorn hair on it!" Ghost Eyes said. "We don't want Bill to have any weakness to exploit! WEAKNESSES ARE FOR SISSIES!"
"Oh, Ghost Eyes!" Gideon said, waving him over. "We need someone strong over here to move this-"
"I'm doing just fine." Wendy grunted.
Gideon rolled his eyes. "Ghost Eyes, help her."
Ghost Eyes complied, to Wendy's annoyance.
Stan blinked. "So we're turning the Shack into a giant mech."
"Yep." Tad Strange said, eating a slice of toast.
"Does this seem a little absurd to you?"
"Not really. After all the Eye of Providence is running rampant across the universe, turning planets into pastries and stars into pizza. This seems rather tame by comparison."
Stan grunted. "Well, guess this is as good of an idea as any. Wake me when something happens."
He passed Littlepip, who was currently tuning in to the Weirdmageddon Radio.
"I'm Chandra Jimenez, and I've managed to sneak right into the heart of this hardship. For the first time we can see what is happening inside the Fearamid, and learn what's happened to all our fellow townsfolk. I can see the Henchmaniacs dancing around in a horrendous festivity involving possible cannibalism, and the being known as Discord sitting on a throne made up of petrified citizens.
"Will no one save us from this terror? Surely someone can do something!
"I'm Shandra Jimenez, and I'm being turned into stone."
There was static for a few seconds.
"Well Uh… Vinyl Scratch here, apparently running the Weirdmageddon radio full time now. Currently hiding from the eyebats, but I think I can play some music for you guys! Who's ready for some wubs? I know I AM! … Crap, hold on one moment got to run away from these eyebats… holy cow, that's a lot of them…
"Uh listen, anyone there? I'm by the Gravity Malls and I'm stuck between a dragon and an eyebat swarm… I may need a little help here."
Littlepip wasted no time. "Vinyl Scratch needs us! Wendy, Shapeshifter, Powers: with me. Twilight, can you take a moment to teleport us to Gravity Malls?"
Twilight obliged, lighting up her horn and sending the four of them to the Gravity Malls clearing. Sure enough, there was Vinyl Scratch (equipped with some really sweet portable DJ gear) running away from an eyebat swarm.
"Hey! Hey! Mind helping me here?"
Littlepip grinned. "That's why we're here." She locked onto the eyebats, letting loose her large arsenal. Powers drew his guns that he kept from Lyra, taking out the ones closest to Vinyl. The Shapeshifter rushed the swarm, the eyebats quickly finding that he could undo any petrification done to him. Their advance was halted, but only for a moment. They got reinforcements.
Wendy, meanwhile, had a secondary idea in mind. "Hey, Blaze!"
The golden-red dragon opened his eye. "What?"
"We're gathering people to go fight Bill. Want to help?"
"...Sure. He destroyed my lair."
"You can start by roasting those eyebats." Wendy said. Blaze compiled, the golden tint of his fire quickly incinerating the entire swarm.
It was at this point Vinyl Awoke. "That. Was. So. AWESOME! Floating mutant eyes killed by fire-breathing dragon! AWWW YEAH!"
Littlepip walked up, cocking her head. "You're Awake?"
"Yeah of course I am- Wait. Littlepip? You're not Looping!"
"No, I'm not." Littlepip muttered, rolling her eyes. "I've just been informed-"
"OOH! Since you're here does this mean this is a Fallout Equestria loop? CAN I- oh wait I have hands. IS IT A FALLOUT EQUESTRIA GIRLS LOOP?"
The Shapeshifter returned to his default form. "Should we tell her?"
"Loop memories will kick in eventually. At least, that's what Starlight told me." Littlepip responded.
"IS STARLIGHT LOOPING?"
Littlepip chuckled. "No. But we are fighting a chaos god of nigh-unimaginable power. He's out there distorting the galaxy as we speak-"
Vinyl grabbed Littlepip by the face. "Do. You. Have. Any. Idea. What. That. Means?"
"Uh.."
"If he can distort the galaxy to his whim… Do you have any idea how many things I can safely wubbify in a universe like this? No boundaries! Yeeaah!"
Powers scratched his head. "Is she okay?"
"Probably not." Littlepip responded. Then she grinned. "And that's a good thing, in this instance. WENDY!"
"Yeah?"
"Can we ride Blaze black to the Shack?"
"Sure. I can offer my dragon-fire forging assistance."
"And I am going to make the mother of all bass cannons AGAIN!" Vinyl laughed evilly. Weird lightning shot out of the ground into the sky. Then Vinyl's face calmed down as her Loop memories hit. She rummaged through her pockets, pulling out a few pockets of smile dip.
"So this is the Loop where this is from…"
Littlepip slapped the stuff onto the ground. "No. Now is not the time for this."
"What about-"
"No. Onto Blaze, we're riding a dragon home."
Raiden, god of lightning, uppercut Bill with immense force. He was not holding back, and it was very obvious that Bill was actually taking damage.
Uppercut. Beam of electricity. Storm of the heavens. An entire star discharging its power into a lightning bolt. The eldritch construct was losing cohesion, albeit slowly.
"I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT BUDDY!"
Raiden said nothing, continuing to attack Bill with all the electricity at his disposal.
"ONE QUESTION THOUGH…"
Raiden channeled energy directly out of his subspace Pocket, blasting into Bill at full force.
"DID YOU NOTICE THAT I'M LETTING YOU HIT ME?"
Raiden paused. "What is your point?"
"OH COME ON LIGHTNING BOLT, SURELY A FIGHTING MASTER LIKE YOU CAN REALIZE WHY SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO BE HIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN."
Raiden's eyes twitched.
"MAYBE THEY WOULD, YOU KNOW, HAVE A MOVE THAT THROWS YOUR POWER BACK AT YOU EXPONENTIALLY?"
Raiden's eyes widened as he saw Bill shoot his energy directly back at him. He screamed in agony as he felt his skin burn off with the power of an attack he couldn't comprehend. It felt a lot like what that Giygas guy threw out, except a million times worse. He lost most of his power, barely keeping himself alive in the vacuum of space.
Bill snapped his fingers. "ANOTHER TOY FOR MY COLLECTION!"
Twilight frowned as she watched Vinyl create some bizarre wub-based weapon and attach it to the ever-growing mech. She was glad for the DJ's help, she really was, but her presence concerned her.
She had felt several Pings since she left the Bubble, and who knew how many she had missed while inside of it?
She was almost positive: Weirdmageddon was attracting Loopers to it. How or why she didn't know: but she knew it was. And that concerned her. The Loop had proven itself very resilient: Bill had done many things that would simply crash other Loops without a single problem. But that didn't mean that it couldn't crash. And even though Bill was Loop Aware, he had obviously never gone this far before. She doubted even he had any idea exactly how far he could go.
They really needed to stop him. Quickly. And to do that first they had to save Ford and see what idea he had. Maybe there was some secret from the baseline that was his weakness. She began to focus on combing through her Pocket for more things to use on the mech. Her five friends were doing the same, taking things out, examining them, tossing them back in. The mech was nearing completion.
"Hey uh…" The six of them looked up to see Littlepip talking to them.
"You six have probably heard this from me hundreds of times but… Look, I really appreciate what you do, both in Loops and out of them, Awake or not. Your friendship and morals are an inspiration to us all, be it a Loop or not, be it an apocalypse or not, be it some friendship problem or not: you six are an inspiration to us all. I'm honored to have met you, even though I am just some dream from the head of a random person."
Twilight smiled. "Thank you Littlepip. But don't cut yourself short- you've done a lot as well."
"Yeah… I suppose so." She hefted up her gun. "Now, when do we get to go shoot stuff?"
"Soon." Rainbow Dash said, grinning. "Soon. Soon we will lay siege to the Fearamid."
Littlepip grinned as well. "Time to show that geometrical abomination who's the real master here… I have some ideas involving chains, whips, and dimensional warp cannons."
Everyone stared at her.
"Eep! Uh- didn't mean it like that."
Twilight shrugged. "Just keep attaching weapons to things. We can never have too many."
McGucket poked his head out of the ceiling. "Actually I have a mathematical equation to describe the rate at which weapons slowly become too much for the structure to handle—"
"Nevermind." Twilight muttered. "Just slap more weapons-"
BWOOOKAWOOSHABVUMVUMVUMVUM!
"AWWWW YEAHHH BASE CANNON IS OPERATIONAL!"
"VINYL!" Lyra yelled. "YOU JUST CUT A HOLE INTO THE FRONT HULL! NOW WE HAVE TO REBUILD IT!"
"Eh, no sweat. Bass cannon needed testing."
Everyone groaned.
"Almost ready?" Twilight yelled to everyone.
"Systems go! Tardis is cooperating!" Starlight responded.
"I have powered up the fire systems." Blaze noted.
"My fluids have become the joints." The shapeshifter noted. "We can re-assemble easily and change our own shape."
"Portal is ACTIVE!" McGucket whooped. "HOT DIGGITY BANJO YAY!"
"Uh… Twilight?" One of the gnomes asked.
"What?"
"The computer system is asking for you."
Twilight cocked her head, walking into the computer room.
"HELLO TWILIGHT, BEEN A WHILE."
"Oh. Hi SkyNet." Twilight said. "It has been a while."
"I HAVE ANALYZED THE SITUATION. AT OUR CURRENT LEVEL DIRECT CONFRONTATION WITH BILL ONLY HAS A 42% CHANCE OF SUCCESS."
"Hence the rescue mission."
"OF COURSE. BUT I WILL BE EVER INCREASING OUR ODDS. I'M ALSO LOOKING FORWARD TOWARDS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HIM. HE SEEMS MUCH MORE FUN THAN THOSE CHAOS GODS. I EXPECT A MOST INVIGORATING ENCOUNTER."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Just remember what we're here to do. This Weirdmageddon is causing strange anomalies. It's highly uncommon for this many Loopers to just activate, and you know it."
"USING THE DIMENSION-READING EQUIPMENT AROUND THE PORTAL I HAVE DETERMINED THAT THE WEIRDMAGEDDON IS MERELY A LENS THROUGH WHICH A DIFFERENT ERROR IS FOCUSING. IT IS MOST INTRIGUING."
"Yeah, well, we're performing the rescue in under an hour I expect. Just don't do anything to attract Bill's attention, it's good for us if he's not watching the Fearamid."
"WILL DO."
"So Lady Palutena, what's the news this time?"
"There's an all powerful Eye of Providence running around that is most likely a combination of a Flatland triangle, Chaos god, and Cthulhu Mythos deity."
"Huh. So, same ol' then?"
"Nope, not really. He's also Loop Aware and is so Genre-savvy he'll give you a run for your money in a direct conversation."
Pit groaned. "Really? ...He's probably aware of this conversation isn't he."
"HOW YA DOING FAULTY WINGS?"
"Oh. Jabbing at my wings are you? You do know I can fly now, right?"
"OF COURSE. STILL I CAN'T JUST CALL YOU PIT NOW CAN I? THAT'D BE THE PITS."
"...I like you."
Palutena facepalmed. Bill laughed. "GOOD TASTES! BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I DO HAVE TO DESTROY YOU. OMNIVERSAL DOMINATION AND ALL THAT. AS MUCH FUN AS YOU WOULD BE AT THE PARTY, YOU WOULD CRAMP THE STYLE."
"Like Q?" Palutena asked.
"NOT EXACTLY. HE'D ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE OF STOPPING THE FESTIVITIES. THOUGH HE'D PROBABLY FIND SOME WAY TO TAKE THE PARTY FOR HIMSELF…"
"Sounds like quite the jerk, continually crashing parties for his own amusement." Pit mused.
"NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE."
"Eh, it was worth a shot wasn't it?"
"ENOUGH CHIT CHAT-"
"-time is candy." Pit finished, the two of them performing a complicated fist bump before they both simultaneously launched lasers at each other. Pit with the laser staff and Bill with his eye.
"OH COME ON I KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!"
"You should know never to use your most powerful attacks first." Pit said, grinning. "After all, you didn't just bake my skin off right there."
"Careful Pit, he does have a temper."
"THE GODDESS IS RIGHT ANGEL-BOY, I CAN GET TICKED OFF. BUT YOU'RE DOOMED EITHER WAY, SO HERE'S A CONSOLATION DOUGHNUT."
"This doughnut is literally made out of teeth." Pit observed.
"YOU WANT THE SHED CUPCAKE INSTEAD?"
"...I'll pass on the creepypasta-inspired baked goods thank you."
"AW BUT I HAVE A SLENDERMAN HEAD THAT'S ALWAYS SCREAMING! YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT IT'S COOL!"
Palutena nodded. "That is pretty cool…"
"Lady Palutena!" Pit objected.
"What? It is. I didn't even know that the Slenderman could scream."
"I don't think he can…"
"IT'S ELDRITCHLY POETIC."
"Makes as much sense as anything else." Pit shrugged, launching a beam of energy at Bill, who simply dodged by transforming into a doughnut.
"MOST INTERESTING. GENERIC BEAM ATTACK."
"Well I do have this gigantic tiger made out of muffins…"
"HUH. I LIKE THIS THING. I THINK I'LL KEEP IT AS A PE- DID IT JUST EXPLODE?"
"Yep."
"...I LIKE YOUR STYLE. HAVE SOME MADNESS BUBBLES."
"But Pit went mad a long time ago-"
"Palutena!"
"What? It's true."
"I WENT MAD A LONG TIME AGO AS WELL! CLINICALLY INSANE BY ANY MEASURE OF THE WORD!"
"Aren't most Loopers?" Pit asked.
"NOT A LOOPER, REMEMBER?"
Pit shrugged. "Eh, guess so. BOW ATTACK!"
"THAT WAS THE LAMEST ATTACK NAME I'VE EVER HEARD."
"I know. That's because it's an awe-inspiring attack."
"WHAT DO YOU- OW WHERE DID MY EYE GO?"
"See? Awe-inspiring."
"NICE TRICK. BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS? MOUNTAINS MADE OUT OF NIGHTMARES!"
"...huh. The firetruck. Haven't had nightmares about that in a while."
Palutena blinked. "You had nightmares about a firetruck?"
"I do not need to explain myself."
"THE LOOP HAD EVERY PERSON SPEAK THE PHRASE "FRIAR TUCK'S FIRE TRUCKS" UNTIL THEY TURNED INTO FIRE TRUCKS AND LEAPT INTO A VOLCANO."
Palutena blinked. "...what?"
"YEAH I DON'T GET IT EITHER!"
"IT WAS TERRIFYING!" Pit objected.
"EH… DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT TO ME. THEN AGAIN, APPARENTLY PINKIE'S MINDSCAPE IS SUPPOSED TO SCAR EVEN CHAOS GODS FOR LIFE."
"You need a T-shirt that says 'I survived Pinkie's mindscape.'"
Bill blinked, before generating such a shirt around him. "THAT WAS A BRILLIANT IDEA."
Palutena groaned. "Do you two realize you're just complimenting each other and bantering and not really fighting?"
Bill and Pit were silent.
"Thought not. Get on with it will you?"
Bill and Pit shrugged before bowing and clashing at each other with everything they had.
Pit fell to the ground, a golden statue. Bill dusted his hands. "SO. PALUTENA, FEELING SHINY YET?"
"What do you mean- oh."
"YEP. GETTING TO YOU THROUGH YOUR CONNECTION TO PIT. NOT TOO SHABBY IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF."
Palutena made sure to freeze herself into a shrugging position with the most absurd face she could think of. Bill laughed when he saw this.
Discord had to admit, this was fun. Bill was off shaping the universe to his whim and here the draconequus was, allowed to party till the end of time.
Granted he would probably get bored of it eventually, but he was going to relish it for a good while longer. Perhaps take a few people out of the throne and torture them just for the heck of it. He always wondered what a waffle-faced human would look like…
He smirked, looking out at the Henchmaniacs. Xanthar, Kryptos, Paci-Fire, the Smooze, Pyronica, and that creature with like eighty-seven different faces. The party was full of life!
No matter the dead Henchmaniacs: they were pathetic anyway. Only the true elite remained, and they would party until the very end of all things—
Then the entire north face of the Fearamid exploded. Discord raised a shield, protecting everyone from the intense radiation. As the smoke cleared, Discord saw something… bizarre. He approved.
The Mystery Shack stood before him, walking on two mechanical legs made out of the most unusual of Looper devices. He had no idea what many of them were, quickly wishing Bill had granted him access to his TriNet. But no, it was not to be. Discord just had to stare, baffled, at the mech before him. The mystery shack had an innumerable number of "arms" branching off of it: some had giant weapons, some had weird alien devices, one was a sea monster, one was a T-Rex head, and there was even one that looked like a giant speaker.
"HEY HENCHMANIACS!" A female voice yelled. Discord squinted. He didn't recognize that brown-haired woman holding a scepter...
"YOU DUNG-ROLLING ASS-KISSERS NEED TO BE REMINDED OF YOUR PLACE IN THE WORLD! IN SOME DARK ROTTING HELL-HOLE WHERE ONLY THE WORST DEMONS OF THE DEVIL ARE SENT! SO SCREW YOU TO TARTARUS!"
The scepter that, for some reason, had the wax head of Larry King on it spoke. "They built the Shack into a robot. Fascinating. You are very probably all doomed."
"They have no idea how doomed they are yet!" Pinkie yelled as she tore off the roof of the Fearamid, revealing the rest of the machine. Tethered to the main body by several cables was a gigantic pink building, floating like it was a balloon. This, in turn, had dozens of more machines, weapons, and systems on it. "SAY HELLO TO THE PINKIE EMPORIUM!"
Atop the Pinkie Emporium stood Sir Lord Quentin Trembley III, Esquire. "FOR FREEDOM MY LITTLE PONY!"
"YOU GOT IT MISTER PRESIDENT!"
Discord groaned. "Get them."
Xanthar charged first, ramming his head right into the mech. Or he would have, had there not been a unicorn-hair shield around it.
SkyNet laughed. "THE DAWNING REALIZATION OF YOUR DOOM HAS JUST REGISTERED ON YOUR FACES."
"Absolutely hilarious." Starlight grinned.
The chest of the mech opened up, burning Xanthar to a crisp. "Toast!" Lyra yelled. "I WANT TO EAT IT! - Not right now Seapony, we have other problems-"
The Smooze grew until it was the size of a mountain, Paci-Fire and Kryptos riding it. Paci-Fire ordered the Eyebats to attack, and Kryptos attempted to use the amazing powers of MATH to destroy the structural integrity of the Mech.
Nothing worked: the shield absorbed all. Wendy leapt out of the Mech, leaping onto the back of an Eyebat and using it to turn Kryptos to stone. Ghost Eyes came out from right behind her, punching Kryptos into a million zillion pieces.
Paci-Fire began to order the eyebats into formation, but the Confetti Cannon destroyed him before he could do anything.
The Smooze roared, attempting to envelop the Mech, only to realize that it couldn't touch any part of the gigantic machine.
"ACTIVATING TARDIS VACUUM!" Starlight yelled. The doors of the Tardis flew open, and the Smooze was simply sucked in before it could do anything. The Tardis doors closed, and it made an unhappy "ding."
"YOU WILL BE COMPENSATED, I ASSURE YOU." SkyNet assured the Tardis.
The Tardis made a few beeping noises.
"YES, IF THE LOOP ENDS THE COMPENSATION WOULD BE WORTHLESS, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA."
Discord growled. "That's it. I'm going to deal with them…" He turned to Pyronica and the creature with Eighty-Eight faces. "What are you two still doing here?"
"Staring at me." Blaze said, grinning. He let out a breath of intense fire. Behind him, Chrysalis and the Shapeshifter copied his form, tripling the intensity of the dragon fire.
The creature with Eighty-Eight faces was instantly incinerated. Discord just put up his shield.
Pyronica….
Pyronica became a light brighter than a supernova. "You have no idea what you've just done! AHAHAHHAHA! I have the power of all the fire you can possibly imagine! STUPID DRAGONS!"
She began to beat the Dragons into the ground with her immense strength.
Littlepip turned to Twilight and Starlight. "You sure this bullet's going to do it?"
"Positive."
Littlepip shrugged, taking aim for Pyronica's one eye…
Pyronica barely had time to register the attack before the time-accelerated ultra-freeze bullet completely encased her in ice.
The gnomes took to the icy prison, destroying it by eating it.
Discord sighed. If you wanted something done right…
He created a hammer the size of New York City, and brought it down on the mech. It just went boink. Discord paled. He launched everything he could think of at the mech, beams of pure energy, hammers made out of time vortexes, the Everfree Forest itself, nothing had any effect.
He backed away into the corner of the Fearamid, terrified. "Wh… what are you going to do to me?"
One of the mech's many limbs held up a cluster of eyebats. "STONE TIME!" Stan yelled, slapping the eyeballs to trigger their gaze of petrification.
Discord contorted in agony, his body sealing into a solid form. "NOOOOOOOOO-"
Twilight teleported herself to the throne of human agony, quickly curing everyone. They fell into a pile, groaning and mumbling. "What… what happened?" Robbie asked.
"You have likely been forever scarred." Tad Strange offered.
"Woah…. That's kinda cool…"
Lyra tackle hugged Sweetie Drops. "BON BON!"
She laughed. "Uh… you do know I'm Sweetie Drops right?"
"You'll always be Bon Bon to me."
"Ack… you're hugging too tight…"
There were dozens of happy reunions.
Twilight performed a quick once-over the crowd. "Ford isn't here…" She muttered, cursing Yggdrasil. Bill must have moved Ford…
"You're looking for Ford?" Shandra asked, walking up to Twilight. "Before I was frozen I saw Bill talk about sending him and the Doctor to the-"
"To the Moon?"
"That's right."
"..Great."
"and kids like you… should be-"
Sans blinked in surprise as Chara suddenly obliterated. Before him appeared Bill.
"I HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT KID'S THOUGHT PROCESS WAS A LITTLE DISTURBING. WHERE'S THE FUN IN ALL THAT KILLING? WHAT'S THE POINT? WHEN THEY'RE DEAD YOU CAN'T HAVE FUN WITH THEM ANYMORE."
Sans blinked. "i remember you. you replaced flowey that one time."
"AHAHAHHA! GUILTY AS CHARGED! OF COURSE NOW I'M IN MY TRUE FORM AND AT MY FULL POTENTIAL! ARE YOU READY TO COME AT ME SANS SKELETON?"
"ready? just bare-ly."
"REALLY? NO BONE PUN? I WAS EXPECTING A BONE PUN."
"you've heard all the side-cracking jabs from when you were here last. a skeleton can only come up with so many soul-rending joke-"
Sans wasted no time, quickly going for Bill Cipher's soul, an oddly triangular shaped thing. Gaster blasters, bones, and attacks of all unusual kinds attacked from all angles. Bill took most of them full force, quickly realizing that was a bad idea.
"WOW. THAT- THAT WAS SOME IMPRESSIVE DAMAGE THERE."
"yeah, i try. though i keep slipping up."
"YEAH BECAUSE OF THE SLIPPERS. I GET IT. HA. HA."
"at least you appreciate me." Sans said, teleporting out of the way of Bill's attack. "surely you don't think i'll just take it?"
"NOPE. BUT I'VE GOT INFORMATION FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEATEN YOU. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FALL ASLEEP."
"i've been looping for a while, tri-tip. i've overcome that weakness, obviously."
"THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO DEFEAT YOU."
"oh? such as?" Sans said, attacking Bill with another set of attacks, which Bill wisely avoided.
"HITTING YOU WITH YOUR OWN ATTACKS PERHAPS?" Bill blinked, trading places with Sans. Sans barely managed to dodge his own Gaster Blasters.
"wo-hoah there dorito! don't ya nacho that making people hit themselves is rude?"
"I PREFER THE PITS TO THIS."
Sans pointed a skeletal finger at Bill. "you were just dealing with pit. nice kid right?"
"HE'S PRETTY INTERESTING THAT'S FOR SURE."
"like corn?"
"REFERENCING NOW? INTERESTING."
"can I get you to say interesting once more?"
"NO."
"interesting."
"WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO DO?"
"i just traded places with you so it sounded like you said it. duh."
Bill was silent. "YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW THIS, I ONLY HAVE TO HIT YOU ONE TIME. THEN YOU'RE DOWN."
"heh. i suppose that's true. But won't that mean you don't get a nice statue for your collection?"
"WHO SAID THE HIT WOULD DO ANY DAMAGE?"
Sans blinked his eye of power. "how would that be-"
Sans gulped as he felt the attack hit him from the future. Stupid time powers. He became gold, his eye of power continually glowing, but with him unable to use it.
"I'M GOING TO BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME FIGURING OUT HOW THAT EYE WORKS…" Bill muttered.
"I AM RECEIVING A RADIO MESSAGE FROM A GENERAL JACK O'NEILL."
"Patch it through." Rarity said.
"Ha!" O'Neill said. "I knew there were others around here! How's it been Rarity?"
"Oh you know, still being fabulous. How about you?"
"I unleashed my ultimate weapon on some evil nacho and he just disabled it. I spent eons on that thing…"
"Oh so sorry darling… We're preparing to do something about Bill right now. Care to join us?"
"Well I don't see anything better I can do…" A tile fell out of the ceiling and began to eat O'Neill's hair. He kicked it away and let out a belt of swears. "I'M GETTING REAL SICK OF THIS WEIRDNESS!"
"We're heading to the moon." Rarity offered. "Any suggestions?"
"There's an entire destroyed fleet of spaceships up there. Salvage what you can, but quickly."
"Got it. Care to join us General?"
"Gladly. Me and Carter are getting sick of this place."
"Ah. Was she the Ping I sensed five seconds ago?"
"No. She's been here for an hour or so. What is going ON with this god-forsaken tree anyway?"
"No idea." Rarity shrugged. "Lots of weird things are happening."
"What the heck is going on here?!" Thor yelled, pointing at a terminal. "Something is sending errors rippling across Yggdrasil!"
Sleipnir frowned. "I don't know what that is… where is it originating?"
"Gravity Falls." Morpheus said. "Xolotl's Branch."
"Anyone seen Xolotl lately?"
"Nobody sees Xolotl." Morpheus muttered. "He kinda just vanishes from the face of Yggdrasil for eons at a time."
Sleipnir grumbled. "So what exactly is going on in there?"
"Not entirely sure…" Thor muttered.
Fenrir sighed. "Something there is "attracting" Loopers to it. Somehow. The Loop started with only seven, now there's a few dozen. While it doesn't appear to be causing any crashes it is giving a lot of people headaches. The Dark Millennium ended up with pink orks again." He shuddered. "I still don't know how Leman managed to contain that…"
"It's good practice to keep several dozen Culture ships in your pocket." Thor observed.
Sleipnir grunted. "Someone find Xolotl. Until then leave the Branch alone unless it starts causing crashes. But watch it extremely carefully."
Everyone was about to follow suit when a message appeared on Thor's terminal. He blinked. "Message from the higher ups. Says to continue observing it to see if any problems occur, but that they already knew about it."
"Does it say anything about not exacting revenge on Xolotl for driving us all nuts?" Fenrir asked.
"No…"
"Good. Then our goals haven't changed. Someone find him."
Compiler's note: Things are escalating…