Bildungsroman

Chapter 25

Apologies for the long wait! Real life caught up with me in a big way, so I had to put this on the back burner for a while.

Thank you all for such a wonderful response to the last chapter- it was one of the tricky ones, so I'm glad it seems to have gone down well. I hope this meets with your approval too!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction, with no copyright infringement intended. I don't own PoT, which belongs to Takeshi Konomi.
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Sakura was no stranger to loss. Time slowing to a crawl, the cascading muteness- it was nothing new.

What was new was this sense of free-fall; the referee declared the score, awarded game and match to Ikeda, but it all happened on a shore she would never reach; shorn of all weight, all mass, Sakura stared at the ball where it had rolled to a stop- on her side of the net. She felt rather than heard the cheers. It's all too far away; she's too far away; she's falling, falling, and the only thing holding her to earth is the now-stationary ball some three feet before her.

Three feet. She couldn't cover three feet.

Her body knew what to do; even as her mind spiralled down, down, shaking legs pushed her up and off the ground, propelled her to the net, where her opponent waited. Ikeda's hand enclosed hers; her grip was firm, and slick with sweat; her violet eyes bored into Sakura, and her voice was fierce, oddly dim but discernible.

"I'll see you at Nationals, Kagawa."

Their hands fell apart, fell away.

Mikabi was on her as soon as her feet cleared the line, not even waiting for her to exit the court. Her arms encircled her, almost too tight around Sakura's spent bones, but she dropped her head on her shoulder, for a second. Just a second.

The entrance was three feet away. The breath caught in Sakura's throat.

Kazumi's hands were wonderfully cool and steady as she pulled the younger girl into an softer embrace than Mikabi's. "You were amazing." She told her in a voice so hushed that it was a wonder Sakura heard it. "Amazing."

The others all made similar sounds, mouthed similar things. She passed from one to the next, and in each of their words and hugs, she found the same touch of sourness, like the taste on your tongue after the sweet wears off.

An echo: not good enough, not good enough, amazing but not good enough.

She couldn't look at her parents. Not yet. Not- she couldn't.

"I want to change." She announced, and her voice was loud and bald like an old man. Medals would be presented tomorrow, after the mixed doubles finals. There was no reason to wear her sweaty things any longer than she had to.

They seemed to melt away, all of them; even Nomura-buchou, who had said nothing when pulling her into a long hug, only nodded and stood aside. The silence was sudden and heavy.

Sakura ran, and it felt like a graceless hobble.

He shouldn't be here. Damned if he knew why he was.

But he did. He knew the moment the ball bounced a second time three feet away from Sakura, and the world had melted away before her eyes. Sanada knows that look. He knows that feeling. A small part of him strives to win simply because that feeling? It's terrifying.

And that look in Sakura's bright eyes sits ill in his stomach, like spoilt food. He can't quite understand- she's the enemy (Enemy? Dramatic much? That voice in his head sounded… too much like her). Her victory would have meant the defeat of his school. But knowing all this, repeating it to himself, does nothing to diminish the thought that he dislikes the thought of her… what?

Her unhappiness? Her pain?

Sanada scoffed under his breath. God knows he doesn't buy into modern machismo, but that kind of thinking is unreasonably soft.

Still, he really shouldn't be lurking outside the women's bathroom like some kind of creep. It's unseemly. He could always text her to find out how she's doing. Or call.

Yes, that was probably a better idea. Nodding decisively to himself, he turned on his heel.

And swung right back around when the sound of muted sobbing reached his ears.

It's a frightening sound, and later, he'll examine why. Right now, it made his insides curdle, and he wanted it gone. He wanted it to stop. He wanted her to stop. Blood thundering in his ears, he took a step forward, utterly lost.

"Sanada-san?" For the third time, he turned…

…Ah. "Nomura-san." He managed. Her gaze flitted between him and the bathroom. "You've got the wrong loo." She pointed out.

Only with great patience (and deep breaths) did Sanada control the urge to grit his teeth. "I wasn't looking for the bathroom." He replied. His next words came out with more difficulty, but he thought he acquitted himself well. "I was waiting for Kagawa."

No surprise on her face. Well, there wouldn't be. She's observant- not that there was anything to observe. "Yeah, she's been in there a while."

"Yes." He sounded like a complete, one hundred percent stalker. "She has. She might… need help."

A tiny smirk pulled at the corner of Nomura's mouth. "Changing?"

There are codes of chivalry that Sanada must adhere to. Even when faced with such barefaced insolence. "I meant," And this time he utterly failed at not gritting his teeth. "That I heard what sounded like crying."

Nomura shrugged. Shrugged. All thought of codes and chivalry nearly flew out of Sanada's head. "She just lost a big match. I'd be worried if she didn't cry." Before he could reply, she fixed him with a particularly hard look. "And anyway, she just lost to your team. Would seeing you really help?"

He bristled. "We're friends, Nomura-san." He snapped.

A wry grin crinkled her eyes. "That's what she said." Sanada had the distinct impression he was being laughed at. It irritated him. But a voice cut through the anger at that moment.

"Captain, are you making dirty jokes without me?"

He turned. For the fourth time.

Kagawa wasn't short, not by any means; Sanada might over-top her by a good four or five inches, but he'd never seen her as small. Until now.

She had changed into an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of track pants; it all looked very comfortable and baggy and absolutely swallowed her.

She looked oddly small. Fragile. Which wasn't something Sanada had ever expected to call her.

"You can't make dirty jokes with Sanada-kun, captain," She shoulder-checked him lightly, and brushed past to stand by Nomura. "He might faint."

Sanada rolled his eyes. "I've never fainted in my life. Unlike some people I could name."

She rolled her own eyes. They were red-rimmed, but dry now. Her face was clean. "Low blow, Sanada-kun." With uncharacteristic hesitation, she glanced up at Nomura. "Captain, can- can I leave? I don't… I've got-"

Nomura blinked. "I don't mind, but your parents might."

Sakura grimaced. After I ignored them so thoroughly… "Yeah, they might- okay, I'll talk to them. Um. Now."

"I should get back to my team." Sanada put in, feeling rather uncomfortable. "You- Kagawa, you're alright?" he'd prefer if Nomura weren't here, but he certainly wasn't going to leave without learning that, at least.

Her smile did reach her eyes, however faintly. "I…" She shrugged, and once again, she looked so absurdly tiny. Even his oversize jacket hadn't drowned her in this way- how long ago that seemed!

"I will be." She finished, nodding small and certain.

He returned it. "Then I'll see you on the court tomorrow." Unable to help himself- oh, the look on her face- he smirked just before he walked away.

Her mind in a whirl, Sakura trudged back to the team dugout, where everyone was packing up- and then she caught her parents' eyes. Daisuke looked sad, and a little hurt, but Aiki- her mother looked cold and furious.

Sakura swallowed. Would Ikeda be up for a rematch?

Fuji surveyed her carefully the next morning, but there were no shadows under her eyes, no pale, drawn look. "You look well." He placed a tender hand on her shoulder, just for a moment. "Are you?"

Sakura smirked, and it was like the first ray of dawn on a dagger.

"Sanada-kun thinks this will be easy." She said, and if he was surprised at her familiarity with Rikkai's vice-captain, he gave no sign of it.

She tightened her ponytail. "We'll show him easy."

It was strange to be known, Sakura mused.

24 hours before, most people would have rated Kagawa Sakura as 'above average'. They'd have talked about her accuracy, her shaky start, her… mishap with Mizuki, maybe her split. They'd have talked about her for maybe two minutes before moving on. Maybe a couple of Yamabuki students would have recognised her name.

They all did, now.

She could feel hundreds of unfamiliar eyes on her, assessing, thinking, judging her condition and her chances in today's game. To them, now, she was more than 'good'. She was…

Amazing? Spectacular? Surprising?

I'm a challenge, Sakura thought, shaking her Gatorade fiercely. I challenge.

I was down. But I'll always come back.

She eyed the tiny little girl speaking in low tones to Sanada. Takiyama- the dancer.

"You're thinking very hard." Fuji observed. Sakura tore her eyes from their opponents and shrugged. "Occupational hazard of being, well- me." She shook her head. "I'm still a little stiff, senpai- can you-?"

"Of course." He knelt, took a firm grip of her ankle, and slowly began raising the leg. "Keep your knees straight, Sakura-chan."

Sakura exhaled harshly as her foot crossed the halfway-mark. "Keep going?" Fuji asked.

She nodded.

When his hand was high above his own head- and her leg as well- she motioned for him to halt for a second. Then: "Push back, please."

He obliged, pushing her leg back towards her. Sakura struggled to exhale as sore muscles protested the pressure. "Stop."

Around them, their teams pottered about, setting up their water, glucose, towels, ice, first-aid, snacks- and generally getting in each others' way too.

Sakura exhaled one final time. "Down, please."

Gradually, he let her leg down, ending with a pat to the ankle. "Other one, now." He instructed, and they repeated the process.

"Good form, Sakura-chan." Kazumi said approvingly. "Fuji-kun, make sure she flexes that foot."

"Noted." Both partners answered as one. The older girl laughed. "In sync, too. That'll help."

Fuji gallantly kept hold of her hips as she twisted to relieve the last of the previous day's exertions. She helped him stretch, too, holding him steady as he shifted between side-sit-ups.

They really were in sync, warming up in tandem. It made Sakura feel a tiny bit less nervous at the thought of facing Sanada-kun. Fuji caught her eye and smiled, shaking her out of her musings.

Once again, he laid a tender hand on her shoulder. For longer, this time. "We're ready for this."

Not a question. An assertion. A statement.

"We are."

A simple fact.

"The Kantou Mixed Doubles Final Match, between Seigaku's Fuji-Kagawa pair and Rikkai Dai's Takiyama-Sanada pair will now begin!"

Sanada had never thought about facing Kagawa on the court.

A stupid thing, maybe, but still. Their friendship had been so divorced from tennis that he'd never even considered that they might play each other. Until the mixed doubles standings had been made public, and he'd realised who he'd be facing in the finals.

And he was ashamed to admit it, but until yesterday, he hadn't really considered the match a challenge.

Fuji- Fuji was exceptional, there was no question about it. He would be wary of Fuji's genius, but Kagawa, while definitely a good player, wasn't really of a skill level to worry about. Takiyama was a seasoned doubles player, and she would be able to neutralise Kagawa easily enough. Sanada had been certain of it.

But then yesterday had happened.

If Kagawa could push Ikeda into a corner, she could take Takiyama. She might have lost to Ikeda, but she'd well and truly cemented her own reputation as a force to be reckoned with. Suddenly, the dynamics of this game looked very, very different.

Moreover, any hope of Kagawa being tired from yesterday's game was quickly put to the rest by the bullet-quick serve with which she began the match.

Takiyama only barely managed to catch up to it. It was not a good beginning.

Fortunately, though Seigaku won the first game, Sanada and Takiyama gave a fight solely on the basis of their individual prowess. Kagawa and Fuji, however, moved in tandem with one another. Their combination was praiseworthy, their planning and preparedness even more stark against the sheer want of the same on Rikkai's part.

Had he been younger, being so blatantly exposed would have raised Sanada's ire. Now, he simply took it in stride and fell to working out a plan.

Kagawa was vulnerable at the net- it was not an insurmountable weakness, but definitely one chink in her armour. On the other hand, her accuracy was pin-point.

Fuji was… Fuji. They might be able to turn Higuma Otoshi into a smash opportunity, but that might really be the only thing.

They had to play to Kagawa as much as possible, that much was clear. Not at her feet, but perhaps if they kept her running—

"You," Sakura panted, glaring at Sanada as she fell short of yet another front corner drop. "Are the worst."

"Thank you." He retorted. She made an irritated noise and stormed back to the baseline. He watched her go, a smirk upon his lips. She was a cool customer- rocking that sunny façade the smallest bit was… amusing.

Takiyama cleared her throat. "Can I serve now?"

"Game, Takiyama-Sanada pair, 2 games all!"

"I'm going to murder him so hard." Sakura managed, her teeth gritted. "The worst. He is the worst."

Fuji chuckled. "He seems to enjoy riling you."

She scoffed. "Of course he does. Don't let that stick-in-the-mud exterior fool you- he's as much of a troll as anyone else." She wiped her neck dry. "Can we please start attacking? I might kill him if we leave it too long."

"You're so cute, Sakura-chan."

Sanada's lips thinned as he watched Sakura laugh at something Fuji said. The other boy had his permanent smile on- that selfsame creepy smile that he'd worn in junior high too. He'd heard the occasional sigh about how handsome Fuji was, but for the life of him, Sanada couldn't imagine what anyone saw in that decidedly unnerving boy.

Sakura pretended to slap his shoulder as they took the court again, and it took all of Sanada's effort not to roll his eyes.

They might be counter-punchers, but Sakura and Fuji were more than capable of mounting a ferocious offence.

Sakura elected to play at the net, her splits ensuring that she caught every drop, while Fuji took the balls that were meant to keep her running. Rikkai's on-the-fly tactic was well and truly nipped in the bud. Sanada cursed under his breath as Sakura slipped another well-timed poach past Takiyama. Her grin, when she caught his eye, had a lot of teeth.

He rolled his eyes- though whether that might have been a reaction to Fuji's soft tug at her ponytail will go unanswered. Fuji should try for some decorum; this was hardly a kindergarten playground. He snorted softly as Sakura batted his hand away, pouting- an expression that was immediately replaced by a sparkling smile. Frolics like that had no place on a tennis court either!

Sakura leaned closer to her partner. "Start pulling out your counters, senpai." She tightened her ponytail- all of Fuji's tweaking had it coming a bit loose, and she wanted no distractions. "They've got speed on us, but we'll have an edge if we control the spin."

If only she could do something like the Tezuka Zone… but that wasn't the only way to control games. What she had wasn't shabby either- Sakura could work with it, thank you very much.

The first time Takiyama saw the Tsubame Gaeshi, she simply gaped. Sakura winked at Fuji, who smiled a little wider and went back to the service line.

Over the last few months, Sakura had learned that doubles, while less physically taxing, was much more of a psychological contest than singles. Doubles with Fuji Syusuke- genius, tease, prodder- was even more so. But she'd also learnt his limits, and how she could cover for them.

Fuji was a genius, but he wasn't a strategist. He could be a tactician, he could turn a tennis match into grinding, all-out psychological warfare, but he wasn't much of a planner. Sakura, though…

"Senpai, cut me off for the poach when-"

"Play to Sanada-kun for a while, it'll confuse him-"

"Give them the Hakugei at the beginning of the rally-"

She could plan. See outcomes, calculate probabilities, plan for scenarios and potential twists in the tale. She went over every version of the match in her head until every possible play at any time had a counter.

After all, tennis was a game of questions and answers. And I have all the answers.

"Game and match, Seigaku's Fuji-Kagawa pair! 6 games to 4! Seigaku wins!"

Damn near breathless with joy and exertion, Sakura threw her arms around Fuji. "We did it, Fuji-senpai!" She shouted. "We did it! We won!"

She squealed as he lifted her off her feet; his arms were like steel bands around her. But he was smiling, really smiling, eyes open and blue and so very bright- Sakura couldn't help but laugh with him. "Of course we did, Sakura-chan." He was saying as he let her down, keeping one arm around her shoulders as they approached the net.

Their opponents' jaws were very tight. "Congratulations." Takiyama shook hands with each of them primly. "We hope to play you again sometime."

"Absolutely." Sakura replied, glancing at Sanada. That set to his mouth made her worry, just a bit. But she was too happy to overanalyse it right now.

Fuji's hand met Sanada's in a clasp so strong that it would've made anyone wince. The shorter boy just met his opponent's eye calmly. "You did well, Sanada."

Sakura watched the way a muscle in his jaw twitched before he replied. "Well played, Fuji." She looked from one to the other, eyebrow raised, but before she could voice any of the several pithy (and dirty) remarks on the tip of her tongue, Sanada turned to her.

You've just finished a match. Tennis. Sakura told herself. It's perfectly normal to be breathless.

His hand was large around hers. She tried not to notice how firm his grip was. No need to be poetic about it.

"I…" He paused for a moment. "Underestimated you, Kagawa."

She couldn't help but laugh. "You're not the first."

He hummed. "But I suspect I'll be the last." How could his eyes be so warm? Was he doing it on purpose, or was that just a thing?

She squeezed his hand quickly before pulling hers away. "We should play again. Sometime."

He nodded at her. "We will."

"Mixed doubles champions." Sakura savoured the words, leaning into Fuji's side. "Damn, senpai."

He ruffled her hair, now loose over her shoulders. "Damn indeed,Sakura-chan." She giggled. "We've come a long way."

"From zero net play to… champions." She sighed happily. "Y'know, we should treat the team for being so patient with us… or maybe I should. Considering my track record this season."

Fuji laughed. "Be careful with that offer- Momoshiro and Echizen could eat you out of six months' allowance."

"Oh yeah…"

"Then again," She felt him shift, and looked up. "We could invite a few… choice friends. Sanada, maybe?"

Sakura blinked. Then groaned, and slumped back against him. "Don't you start."

"Sakura-chan," Fuji's voice was very gentle, but there was a note in it that had her sitting up. "May I ask… what's going on there?"

And oh, Sakura's heart swelled as she took in his serious expression; Fuji Syusuke cared for her. Her welfare, her emotions mattered to him. Partners.

So she chose her words carefully, because while it wasn't truly his business, he was asking out of concern. Not mere curiosity. "There isn't anything… going on." She replied, eyes fixed on the tall figure in the Rikkai dugout. "We're friends. It's not… what anyone expects, I know- but he's surprisingly… easy to be friends with. We're not… anything more."

"But you want to be." She looked away, colour rising in her cheeks. Fuji chuckled softly. "I see the way you look at him."

Sakura sighed. "I don't…" She shook her head. "I don't date friends, Fuji-senpai. It's too- close, I guess. And believe me when I say that that," She looked at her partner meaningfully. "Is far from my usual type. So yeah, maybe there's a bit of… feelings at my end, but they'll go away. Just gotta give it time, I guess."

"Sakura-chan! Fuji-kun! It's time" Kazumi hollered. The two rose and shrugged on their school blazers. As Sakura bent to check her hair in her phone camera, Fuji laid a hand on her shoulder, the way he had before.

"If you need to talk, Sakura-chan…" He trailed, giving her a sweet smile.

She smiled back. "I will, senpai."

The presentation flew by: Ikeda Kotone's grin was almost combative when her eyes caught Sakura's from atop the stage; both Tezuka and Nomura were stoic and stately as they accepted their silver medals; Yukimura Seiichi was… ethereal. Sakura couldn't help but sigh a little as he smiled. Mikabi snorted.

But no one shone brighter than Fuji-senpai when they were called up to receive their own medals- Kantou Mixed Doubles Champions- and their teams led the cacophonous cheer that disturbed more than a few birds settling in for the night. Fuji offered his hand, and beaming, Sakura took it. He led her onto the stage in a manner that was almost courtly.

His eyes danced all through it. Sakura's cheeks ached with grinning, but she simply couldn't stop.

Lesson well and truly learned, the first thing she did, upon dismounting the stage, was to bound into her parents' waiting arms. Even Tezuka cracked a smile at the sight of Sakura's gold medal around her pregnant mother's neck. Aiki hugged her close- she was quick to anger, and quicker to forgive too.

It was a lively group that yelled goodnight to one another. "You brats need some rest- celebrate tomorrow." Ryuzaki-sensei's tone brooked no argument. Not that there were any; the packed weekend had left all of them exhausted.

But Sakura had one last thing to attend to. "You bring the car around, Papa- I'll just be five minutes."

He grumbled, but acquiesced. "Give me your kit, then. And don't be too long."

Sanada blinked as his phone buzzed. 'Have you left yet? Can you come to the water fountains?'

In lieu of replying, he excused himself from his teammates.

She was waiting. Relief flooded her face at the sight of him, and he felt a little wrong-footed. Unbidden, he remembered how tiny and vulnerable she had looked just the previous day; Sanada was infinitely glad that he wasn't faced with a similar apparition today, even if it had come at the cost of a clean sweep for Rikkai.

"God, I was afraid I might've missed you." Her exhale was heavy with the same relief that he could still see in her face. "I actually… well, I wanted to apologise. For ignoring you all week."

To say that Sanada had expected that would be a lie. But it was still good to hear. "Why did you?"

Sakura worried her lower lip. "I… I wasn't sure if…" She swallowed. "I didn't want to put either of us in a difficult position by mistake."

Ah. While he didn't completely understand, it did explain, somewhat, her radio silence in the week preceding the finals. "We were always in that position." He pointed out, because it needed to be said.

"Yeah, but…" She shrugged, meeting his eyes again. "Not like this."

Sanada was suddenly deeply, devoutly grateful that it was twilight, and the lighting in the courts was not the best, for in other circumstances, he might have found it difficult to explain the sudden raging heat that suffused his cheeks. He had no doubt that they were bright red; he might impersonate a fire engine with reasonable success.

He'd noted before how dark her eyes were, and how bright at the same time.

How beautiful they were.

Oh, gods. No. No, no, nononono–

Not like this.

She continued to regard him steadily, with those beautiful, beautiful eyes that managed, somehow, to see him like no one else had before–

Gods.

"I should go." He blurted out, reeling from this thing that had suddenly clawed to the surface inside of him. "I- have a long journey. Home."

Sakura half-nodded, then smiled. "You could always come to dinner again–"

"No!" He practically shouted. Sakura blinked, startled by his vehemence. Sanada took a deep breath, located that spike of panic inside him, and ruthlessly squashed it.

"Apologies. But I promised my family I would see them for dinner- my nephew is looking forward to hearing a detailed account of the weekend's matches. His mother is allowing him to stay up a little longer tonight just for that."

Sakura's expression cleared, and she laughed. "Well, how can I get in the way of that?" She teased. "A promise is a promise, Uncle Genichirou."

The way her name slipped off her tongue really wasn't helping matters.

He coughed. "Quite."

Almost in tandem, they turned towards the entrance. But before they parted ways, Sakura halted. "But you have forgiven me?"

He looked at her, astonished. "There's nothing to forgive, Kagawa."

"Yes there is." She insisted. The stubborn, almost mulish look on her face was strangely endearing.

Sanada sighed. "Kagawa, I did- said- far worse to you. This is nothing. But–" He raised a finger, forestalling her. "If you feel you need my forgiveness- of course I forgive you."

How could I not?

She smiled then, really smiled, and Sanada almost groaned out loud.

This had not been in the plan.

Oh look, signs of intelligent life. Marvelous!

Well, I suppose this officially begins the 'romance' arc of this fic! Let me know what you think in a review. Look forward to hearing from each and every one of you!

Cheers,
Chilli.