Bildungsroman

Chapter 27

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a new decade of doing our very, very best! I love you all.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction, with no copyright infringement intended. I don't own PoT, which belongs to Takeshi Konomi.

Training was, in a word, brutal.

Pride, and pride alone, kept Sakura from breathing in huge gulps rather than the measured breaths she was employing. She still had about fifteen one-arm push-ups to go; it wouldn't do to disrupt her rhythm. Then there were jumping-jacks, squats, lunges, sprints, weighted lunges… no time for woolgathering. No time for thinking.

She seemed to be back in the universe's favour- she was in Ryuzaki-sensei's group, along with Kazumi, Mei, Momoshiro, Reiko, Echizen, Eiji, and Oishi. Most of the time, it was rather like being back on the Seigaku courts. Once or twice, though, she'd looked around for Fuji or Mikabi, quip ready- but it was usually just Sengoku.

He was annoying, she found. Always ready with a flirty remark, and the worst was that she couldn't even beat him into the court. He was good. Really, really good. It didn't excuse his ridiculous, over-the-top familiarity, but he was a treat to watch when he got serious.

"If he ever crosses a line, you tell me." Ryuzaki-sensei ordered her quietly. Sakura promised that she would, though she didn't think he would go that far. He fancied himself a player, but nothing about his demeanour suggested that he was that grade of sleazeball. Just a wannabe-playboy.

Still, she missed Fuji and their easy, playful camaraderie; the tender way he sometimes had with her, she missed that too. They still sat together at meals, as did Mikabi, and Fuji and Mei found that they had quite a bit in common- the terrifying bits. It was beautiful.

"You make interesting friends, Sakura-chan," He told her as they quit the mess hall, three days into training. They had about four free hours before evening 'mixed' training commenced, and Sakura had begged Fuji to tutor her in Biology. "Genetics is beyond me." She lamented, pushing her book towards him. "Teach me, Fuji-sensei."

Fuji tried. He really did. But Sakura could not understand the difference between genes, traits, and chromosomes, let alone puzzle out the plotting of a Punnett Square. After two hours, her head ached, and even Fuji's placid confidence had melted into something resembling disbelief. "Sakura-chan, you cannot be this bad at this."

She shook her head. "I am. I really- I don't get it. It makes no sense." She glared at her book as though the tables and symbols might rearrange themselves into understandable, coherent Japanese.

"Tezuka is better at explaining these things- but since he's not here, you could ask Oishi, or maybe Inui." He suggested sympathetically. "I'm sorry I couldn't help, Sakura-chan. I'm not much of a teacher."

She sighed. "I'll ask Oishi-senpai tomorrow then- oh, wait, he's going to be working with Eiji-senpai on some super-secret doubles thing. Maybe over the weekend, then."

Fuji patted her hand. "He'll make time, if you ask. Now, did you finish Tokyo Cancelled?"

She nodded. "It's pretty good- creepy, but good. I'm reading The Narrow Road To The Deep North now- it's intense." Not to mention gorgeously penned.

"I've never read that. May I borrow it after you're done?"

Sakura went faintly pink. "Oh- it's.. it's not mine, senpai. It's Sanada-kun's copy- kind of a family heirloom. You'd have to ask him."

Fuji smiled beatifically. "I doubt he would trust me with a Sanada family heirloom. He must have great faith in you, Sakura-chan."

The pink deepened to rose, and Sakura said nothing. After a few months, Fuji let out a soft laugh and got to his feet. "Do you want to go practise? I promise I won't tease."

She bit her lip. "We're not allowed to play with non-group members… and it's outside training time."

"I won't tell if you don't." He waggled both fingers and eyebrows, eliciting a snort. It was enough for her to join him; they drew several quizzical looks as they sneaked, in all their geared-up glory, past the coaches' break room and into the back courts.

Ryuzaki-sensei, however, merely quirked an eyebrow at Fuji when she came upon them just before evening practice. "You'd better get to your own courts before Sakaki-sensei starts looking." She told him, putting a firm hand on Sakura's shoulder and steering her towards their regular courts. "Off with you!"

Fuji offered her his most dazzling smile. "Right you are, Sumire-chan." He replied.

"Show some respect, brat!"

Sakura, already flushed and rather breathless, dissolved into giggles.

Kaidoh raised an eyebrow as Fuji came sauntering into their courts, smile wide and skin pink. His senior had been training for some time already– Kaidoh resolved, instantly, to increase his own efforts. He would not be left behind!

Scritch-scratch.

"Chances that Fuji and Kagawa have been training together… 93 percent." Inui muttered.

A soft 'hmm'. "That is an overwhelming number." Yanagi Renji, in Kaidoh's opinion, was far more unnerving than any of his seniors (or their monstrous creations).

"Fuji rarely trains alone- he prefers to train with partners who challenge him, or who complement him in some way, or who he simply likes." Inui's monotone rose above the din and the sound of pencil on paper. "That eliminates most people in this camp, leaving only Echizen, Kikumaru, Saeki, Fuji Yuuta, and Kagawa. Neither Saeki nor Fuji Yuuta are exhibiting any of the signs of recent physical activity, and Kikumaru, while Fuji enjoys spending time with him, is not an opponent against whom Fuji needs to physically exert himself."

"But Echizen is- while Kagawa is not."

Inui paused. "True," He conceded. "Fuji enjoys playing Echizen because he is a challenge. But he enjoys playing with Kagawa because she is Kagawa. That is the expression I see now."

Well, that was understandable. Kagawa wasn't at Echizen's level, but she wasn't a smug brat either.

Yanagi hummed again. "He… has fun."

"100 percent."

"Fuji!" Sakaki-sensei's voice cracked through the air. "You're late."

"Yes," The genius boy admitted. "I apologise, Coach. It won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't. You will make up for your tardiness with ten laps around the court. However," Sakaki took in his sweaty, flushed face. "Your dedication is noted."

"Thank you, Coach. Please excuse me."

Over at the Ryuzaki group's court, Sakura's good mood had pretty much evaporated. The coach had stuck her on a doubles team with Sengoku, with nothing more than a terse instruction to 'set him right'.

Easier said than done.

"We'll leverage your serve to start," Sakura told him. "I suggest you don't go all-out right at the beginning- keep something back. Oishi-senpai draws games out, and he's got the consistency for it. We need to pace ourselves."

He'd obeyed, though not without a wink or two. That was alright- that she could work with. But when it came to usurping her shots- shots she called for- Sakura's temper began to fray.

"That one was mine!" She shouted, as he ignored her call again. "Damn it–" And Kazumi sent the return right into the open court- that normally, Sakura's partner would have covered once she'd called for the previous shot.

"Oishi-kun's stronger than he looks, Sakura-chan," Sengoku assured her. "Just let me handle him- you ladies focus on each other." That one was punctuated with a wink so blatantly flirty that Kazumi actually gaped.

Forget Kazumi; even Momoshiro and Echizen, the least tactless people in any room, winced at the insult. The former remembered Mizuki, and wondered if they'd need to call the janitors to clean Sengoku off the courts.

To everyone's surprise, however, Sakura's fraying temper held- in fact, it appeared to have mended.

She smiled.

"Oh, this is going to be good." Mei muttered.

"Oishi-senpai, Kazumi-senpai," Sakura turned to their opponents with her nicest smile. "Do you mind giving us the court?"

Oishi hesitated, but Kazumi nodded, grabbed his wrist, and marched off.

Sakura turned to her partner. "Do you mind giving me a few lessons on playing against male opponents, Sengoku-kun?" Her batting eyelashes and the changed honorific made Momoshiro whimper. "I'm sure you have so much to teach me."

Sengoku wasn't stupid by any standards, but he could be susceptible. And Sakura knew just how to appeal to his chivalrous instincts. "Of course, Sakura-chan." He replied, taking his place across the net. "You've got a good serve- why don't we take it from there?"

Mei and Kazumi had to fight their giggles as Sakura ducked her head to better allow a few locks from her ponytail to fall over her shoulder and across her cheek. "That's nice of you," She murmured. "Should I serve now?"

Sengoku nodded, too tired to do more than pant. Inside, though, he was grinning.

"I'm not in distress, and I'm not your damsel." Sakura's voice had not lost its dulcet tone. "The next time you hog my balls, I'll have your balls. We clear?"

Ikeda, to her team's surprise, laughed long and hard when she heard the story. She sought out Sakura later. "Well done, Kagawa," She clapped the surprised girl on the back. "Take 'em by the balls, that's the way to do it."

"Thanks," Sakura grinned. "I had fun doing it."

Ikeda chortled even more. "Good girl. Listen, join us for board games sometime. During rest hours. Bring anyone you like."

Sakura blinked. "Um. Yes? I'll try? I mean, I usually spend my rest hours studying so I don't have to stay up…"

"Oh yeah, Yanagi said you brought some books. I get it- but the offer stands, alright? If you ever want to relax."

Sakura's face softened into a smile. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for the offer, Ikeda-san."

"And try persuading Sanada to loosen up some- he won't listen to us, but you're a different story." And with that incredibly unsubtle hint, Ikeda swanned off, Sakura gaping in her wake.

Goddammit.

Momoshiro was an idiot, but he was a smart idiot. Which was why Sakura had picked him to practise with- he had a penchant for thinking out of the box, and she needed more experience playing against strategists if she wanted to keep up her progress.

The fact that he was irritating just had to be ignored. Or dealt with, depending on the quantum of patience she had on the day.

She was unencumbered by her weights, but even so, his shots were heavy enough to have her gritting her teeth on the return. Sakura got her own back on the volleys, since his habit of sticking to the baseline was one she knew well enough how to exploit. He was breathing almost as hard as she was when they finished. "Good game, Kagawa."

"You too." She gasped, pulling her scrunchie out. He sniggered as she massaged the roots of her hair with a sigh. "You could cut it off." He suggested, only half-joking.

"No way," Sakura whirled her hair into a makeshift bun. "I like it long."

She wanted to sigh again as his face took on a familiar expression. "Tezuka-buchou might like it short." He made a show of examining his racquet-strings. Sakura rolled her eyes. "Then he can keep his short." She replied, kicking his shin lightly. "And will you chill with that line- I never really liked him."

Momoshiro scoffed. "Pull the other one, Kagawa. I saw you fluttering around him like–"

Her jaw dropped. "I- you- I did not flutter!"

He yelped as she kicked him harder. "Gerroff me, you little bat!"

"You gigantic oaf!"

"Witch!"

"Dumbass!"

Twin yelps, one male and female, sounded, as Ryuzaki-sensei smacked both their heads. "Twenty laps! Idiots, both of you!" She scolded.

Sakura flushed and took off at once. Idiocy was contagious, especially Momoshiro's brand of it.

But he could be an engaging rascal, she thought fondly as he practically begged her to tutor him in English. "Fuji-senpai's too good at it, and Echizen, well…" He made a face. "I can barely understand Kinoshita-sensei in class, let alone Echizen's American accent."

She laughed. "Fair enough, as long as we actually study." And thus, they found themselves in the common room after dinner, wrestling with participles. They weren't alone, either; quite a few of their more studious peers were poring over books, and a few were just lounging around, reading or chatting quietly. Mei and a couple of her teammates were playing cards in the corner.

Finally, after many, many rounds of patient explanation, Momoshiro sighed. "I think I get it now." He looked more resigned than hopeful, but his last few exercise sentences had been correct, so Sakura counted this as a win. "You're a better teacher than Fuji-senpai."

She gave him a Look. "Hey, no dissing Fuji-senpai when I'm around." She warned him. "I guess he finds it difficult to come down to the level of us mere mortals, though."

He snorted. "Who's dissing now?"

"I am not! Some people aren't cut out to be teachers, there's nothing wrong with that."

"Unlike Tezuka-buchou– hey, I'm not teasing!" He grabbed her arm as she moved to get up. "Seriously- he tutored Viper in… something last year, and Viper said Tezuka-buchou was better than sensei any day."

Sakura grinned. "Apparently he's better than everyone in everything," She counted off her fingers. "Better than Echizen at tennis, better than any sensei in school, better than–"

"Wow, who're you talking about?" Both of them jumped as Ikeda plopped down beside Sakura. "Ikeda-senpai!"

Another voice made them jump again. "Judging by the description, I'd say it's Tezuka." Nomura, Kazumi, and Mikabi slid into the suddenly way larger group. "He is the Golden Boy. What is it about boys' teams and their perfect captains? I could use some of that."

Ikeda snorted. "Yukimura isn't perfect, believe me." Almost as though he'd been summoned, Yukimura entered the room at that very moment- along with his fellow 'Demon Generals'. Sakura wanted very badly to look around for an Ouija board.

"Perfection is an ideal." Yukimura mused aloud, kneeling with enviable grace to join the circle. "One worth striving for, don't you agree?" He raised his eyebrows at his female counterpart. She shrugged. "It depends, I guess." She replied. "It's a matter of context."

Sakura agreed. "I mean, what is perfection? It's just a concept, and you can apply concepts to anything. It's not an ideal so much as a malleable standard, in my opinion."

Sanada stirred. "But there needs to be a standard, or else how do you measure your progress?"

"From where you were, not where you think you ought to be." Sakura replied, twirling a lock of hair around her finger as she thought. "Even in tennis, how can there be a single standard when we're all such different players?"

"True," Mei chimed in. "An' I don' know 'bout you, but I'd rather compare maself to who I was yesterday than some mythical ideal. Tha' way, m'never disappointed."

Nomura tilted her head. "And what about getting complacent?" She pointed out. "If you don't keep reminding yourself that you've still got a long way to go, then–"

"I just talk to Echizen." Momoshiro snorted. Sakura started to laugh. "That'd do it." She looked at Nomura, who was shaking her head, eyes alight with amusement. "Come on, captain, that would do it."

"I'm more familiar with Tezuka telling me not to let my guard down." She shot back. Ikeda burst out laughing herself. "He tells you that?"

Yukimura chuckled lightly. "It seems Seigaku has a distinct advantage in the area of motivational speakers."

Everybody fell about giggling. Sakura's stomach tightened as her eyes met Sanada's; there was a smirk on his face, even as Yukimura, pink with laughing, leaned against him.

Mei proposed a game of cards, which was mostly well-received; Sakura, though, wasn't much interested, preferring instead to doodle in her notebook over by the corner. Mei and Mikabi, she was pleased to note, had quickly paired up for whatever the game was. She'd have to interrogate Mikabi later, find out what, if anything, was happening there.

"You don't play card games?" Sanada lowered himself onto the couch beside her. Sakura shrugged. "Never learnt how. Not interested, really. What about you?"

"The same." He replied, peering over at her doodles. "I like playing Go, and chess… cards was never my forte."

Neither was art hers, but doodling was weirdly cathartic all the same. "I'm not surprised- about the Go, I mean." She grinned at his rolled eyes. "I was usually outside playing some rough game… or baking, or reading. I make pretty good cupcakes, at least according to my parents."

"Baking is difficult, my cousin says." He shook his head. "Do you have any cousins?"

Sakura's breath hitched; Sanada's brow furrowed as he noted it. "I didn't mean–"

She shook her head. "No- I mean, it's alright. I don't mind telling you," She let out a soft breath. "I do have cousins- somewhere. I've never met them. After my parents eloped, both their parents- both sets of parents- cut them off. Completely. And their siblings did the same- my mother has a sister, and my dad has one sister and one brother. I've never met any of them- they've never contacted us, visited, nothing." She looked up at him, a crooked smile on her lips. "You shocked yet, Sanada-kun?"

He wanted to kiss the pain out of that smile, kiss its crook until it was the usual sweet curl. Instead, Sanada swallowed and gave her something else. "My nephew was conceived out of wedlock."

Whatever Sakura might have expected, that had certainly not been it.

"Onii-san met my sister-in-law while at college- he was studying business, but his heart was never in it. They were classmates." He looked away. "When my parents settled on a bride for him, he… he didn't come to the omiai. The shame to our family…" he trailed off. Sakura wanted so badly to take his hand in that moment; she had never seen him look so pained.

"But it didn't stop there. He dropped out of the business programme and re-enrolled in the arts college- left our home to live with his girlfriend- took art commissions to put himself through college- the shock nearly killed my grandfather." Sanada's voice broke.

"I can't imagine…" Sakura murmured. "Then they moved back?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, yes. She fell pregnant, so my parents decided to relent. A quick, quiet wedding- to ensure that their first grandchild wasn't born a bastard." He shook his head. "That was three years ago. They've lived with us ever since."

He looked at her, now, and his smile was a mirror of her own. "Are you shocked yet, Kagawa?"

Sakura could barely think. "And you love him- your nephew? He's only a baby."

"Of course I love him." Came the reply, sharp and swift. "Sasuke is blameless in all this- of course we all love him."

She leaned against the wall, tucking her knees more securely against her chest. "I am shocked," She admitted. "I mean, it's one hell of a tale. But I'm also… I guess I understand, now. Why you're so set on going into business rather than pro tennis."

He nodded. "My parents have been through enough with one disobedient son." He replied. "I won't put them through that again."

"Not disobedient," Sakura pointed out. "Selfish. There were plenty of ways he could have handled it, but he chose the route that would hurt the most. He didn't even talk to you–"

"To be fair, I was young."

"Old enough to know that all his responsibilities would now fall on you." She shot back. "Old enough to decide you were going to fulfil those responsibilities, because you understood the cost of not doing so- even if it cost you."

He swallowed. "I don't dislike business… the idea of it." He replied, almost weakly. "My grandfather has very high hopes for me."

"Of course he does." Sakura replied, prodding his thigh with her toe. "If you're anything like him, he's probably an excellent judge of quality. After all," She tipped him a wink that had more than a slight resemblance to Sengoku's. "You're friends with me."

That surprised a laugh out of him. "Your modesty is overwhelming."

"Truth will out, darling." She snickered. "Seriously, though- I understand about the career and everything, but are you really ready to do the whole… arranged-marriage thing as well? I mean, if that's family tradition–"

She couldn't stop the colour from rising to her cheeks as she asked, but the vision that rose before her eyes was anything but rosy. Sanada cleared his throat- his own face seemed a little more flushed than before. "I think… I understand it's tradition, but I think my parents have also learnt something from my brother's… misadventures." Despite the tightness in her chest, Sakura huffed a laugh. "It's possible, but they wouldn't… force me, if I were to-" He cleared his throat again. "If I were to fall in-" He went bright red, now. "If I were to find someone… on my own."

You don't have to look too far. The thought flashed like lightning through Sakura's mind, and she sprang to her feet.

Dangerous.

Sanada rose too, alarmed. "Kagawa-"

"I've gotta go." The words crowded out of her mouth. "I've- homework. Biology. Gotta go."

Sanada sank back onto the couch, perplexed and a little hurt, as she rushed out of the common room. Some garbled explanation about Biology- but he wondered if it hadn't been something more.

He pulled down a book from the overhead bookshelf, but even as he turned the pages, the action was mechanical. Had he slipped up, shown too much? Sanada was well aware that he was intense- indeed, he took pride in how deeply he felt everything, though he shied away from expression. But if she had glimpsed his feelings for her, even for a moment, had it caused her to run?

His sternum began to ache. Were his feelings so repellent in her eyes?

They weren't; but Sanada could hardly know that, as Sakura all but slammed her bedroom door behind her. She slumped against it, panting as though she'd run thirty laps. Her rib cage shook as her heart beat a violent tattoo against it.

She staggered to her bed and dropped down on it, head cradled in her hands. You don't have to look too far. She shook with the force of it. You don't have to look too far. She didn't want him to look anywhere else at all.

What was this? Sakura had never, ever considered marrying either of her previous boyfriends. Dates had been fun, kisses had been rather sweet, and even with Chozen-kun, making out had given her a thrill rather than any burning desire to go further. But this… was it the fact that Sanada-kun was a friend first and foremost that made this seem so… so serious?

It only seemed serious, right? Just… in her head? There was no way she could have fallen so hard for that stupid, sweet, stick-in-the-mud who listened to her rambles and rolled his eyes at her terrible jokes and told her things he didn't have to and brought her books that were really heirlooms and asked her to festivals and –

Sakura curled up on her duvet, groaning. Oh Christ, she was in trouble.

And that's that on that! I'm not sure if I empathise more with Sakura or Sanada- I've certainly had both reactions in my overdramatic teenage years. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Too dramatic? Not dramatic enough? Let me know!

Again, have a great 2020! Lots of love to all of you.

Cheers,
Chilli.