Chapter 2: Conversations

By: ViolentBlue

"So...you were transported here then? Must have been quite the shock for you." Emilia asked as they walked down into the slums of Lugunica's Royal Capitol. She was wearing the cloak Subaru had seen her don beforehand many a time in previous timelines, although now he found himself unable to recall its purpose.

Damn it. Can't even remember that properly.

He finished his thought, and then responded to Emilia's statement. "Yep. I don't know how I got here or what happened, but all I know is what I've managed to gather while being here."

It wasn't technically a lie, but Subaru had gathered much, much more than Emilia thought. After hundreds of deaths… He tried his best not to shudder, as he felt the weight of all those deaths begin to creep upon him again.

"Well, if you managed to find out where my insignia is, then you've clearly already done quite a lot." Emilia smiled, looking down for a brief moment at the small flower that adorned the top of her short dress. During their walk in the marketplace they both had come across a lost child and helped return her to their parents. The flower was part of that thanks, along with a promise that if they ever needed to buy produce they were sure to receive a hefty discount.

Subaru made a mental note to take the appa salesman and his family up on that generous offer ometime. Appas were sweeter and more delicious than the apples in Japan, and the mention of a discount had not been something that had not come up in past timelines that he remembered.

Or...what I can remember. Subaru internally grimaced. Unfortunately for him, the large number of restarts he had, of what amounted to hundreds of deaths, had weighed more and more heavily on his psyche. It had gotten to the point where his memories deteriorated due to the extreme duress; and as he got further and further...his ability to Return by Death was becoming less and less useful.

While he was in his right frame of mind as of now for the most part, even now Subaru's memories were clouded. It had taken them a while to get to the slums, and Emilia had even had to point out once or twice when she thought they were going the wrong way. She of course had been correct, and the knowledge of not knowing information that he knew before made getting her insignia even more urgent.

He could feel it, the crushing despair and loneliness of what has happened to him grow increasingly unbearable day after day, death after death. And the most damning part of it all? Subaru couldn't even remember properly what had caused him to go all the way back to the beginning in the first place. All he knew was that something, or someone, had been trying to stop him during his journey. And if they had managed to make him somehow reset all the way back to the beginning, they were clearly succeeding.

But...I have to keep going. Thought Subaru, as he continued his walk with Emilia. I have to focus, I have to remember. I...I can't take another death.

And that was the truth. He had already broken down quite a few times already, as there were entire loops where his mental faculties had given up on him. The constant cycle of death, life, and re:peat had broken him over, and over, and over again. He was operating on those same memories now, it was all that was really keeping him going for guidance. Subaru also knew that he was fortunate to have run into Emilia so early. The half-elf, even if she didn't know it now, had been a stabilizing force for him. Even more so then the distant memories of Echidna's realm calming his mind.

He blinked. A memory had just come to the forefront, dragged out by either something he had thought or a stroke of luck. One of the last times the Witch spoke to him. Or at least, those he recalled.

"How...how do I keep...I keep dying. Who...I don't even see their face, and they kill me. Just like that...just...just like that." Subaru bowed his head, shaking. He was in some sort of limbo now, Satella having apparently temporarily paused his resurrection in order to speak to him. She didn't do it often, but the few times, or at least those Subaru remembered, were always important.

"Shh...don't cry, I love you." He wanted to pull away, but Subaru didn't have the strength anymore to do so. All he could do was just sink into her embrace, doing his best to keep control of his fragile emotional state. While his deaths had hardened his own ability to keep his composure, the constant cycle had neutralized many of those gains he had made.

"T-this...this save point is not working...I- I don't want to go back further, but- please. I don't think there's another way." Subaru mumbled, a tear streaming down his cheek. He hated to be this weak in front of Satella. But he couldn't help himself.

"You gave me everything. Everything, my love. It's only right that I grant you something in return."

"You...you'll...thank you." Subaru nodded. Another chance. Another opportunity. If he had more time now, then he could face the invisible threat that had plagued him for so long.

That's when the Witch then turned to face him. "But know in the end, Subaru...that you will return to me. And you will love me, forever. Just as I...love...You." The last three words were whispered in his ear softly, but they sent chills down his spine.

"I love you."

Subaru wanted to truly more than anything else, be loved.

"I love you."

To have someone hold him close forever, even as he died and returned over and over again. If he could have that, to have one person to hold close, to know everything that had happened to him and help bear his grief and unending suffering.

"I love you."

To have all of his troubles be melted away in the embrace of another. And never think of anything else, to never suffer, to never die, or be disemboweled, or betrayed, or crushed, or eaten.

"I love you."

But as the Witch whispered those words over and over again in his ear, as he felt himself fading out again and going back to the world from an older save point to try again… There was one thing that he did not want.

"I love you."

To be loved by her.

"Subaru?"

He blinked, staggering forward back to reality, gasping for breath.

"Subaru, are you alright?"

It was Emilia's voice, and she sounded very concerned due to his physiologic reaction due to the flashback he experienced. Both her and Puck had asked varying versions of the question"are you alright" multiple times, and he had brushed it off. He did feel fine, then. For the most part at least given the situation. But now? Natsuki Subaru knew that he was most certainly not alright.

"Honestly Emilia-tan, I...no. It's- it's been incredibly stressful getting here." He looked at her with sorrow. He couldn't lie to her, at least not this time with Puck around. "I've had everything ripped away from me in a single moment, and I…" He stopped, he couldn't say anymore, or he would begin to lose grip on his emotional state. And while crying in front of Emilia was something he was used to doing, it shouldn't happen this early, especially when they've just met.

And I don't want to lose you or any of the others, no matter what. Even if I lose myself.

Emilia then gazed at him, and gently took his hand in hers. "From what you told me on our walk over here; it's completely understandable why you feel the way you do. How you were taken from your previous life, dropped here with nothing but what you had on you. I would dare say that you are in a position that is even more precarious than my own."

Subaru blushed at the contact between them, and let her continue her small speech.

"And I would not be the least bit mad if you would like to turn back now. I wouldn't blame you, you've already helped me enough today." Emilia smiled, looking at him. "So I feel guilty saying this given your state, but if you can continue with your assistance to me and help get my insignia back...I promise that I will do everything in my power to assist you in turn with your life here. Well- anything that is within reason, at least."

Subaru smiled, her small speech lifting him out of his mental state, if only slightly.

Even with returning to Zero, E.M.T. is still as inspiring as ever.

"Well…" Subaru paused, "If my dear Emilia-tan needs my assistance! Then I shall do my best to assist her!" He lifted his hand up off of hers, pointing it in the air with his usual flair for the dramatic.

Emilia once again looked at him for a second, and then giggled. "That's the second time today you've done something silly like that, Subaru. But your enthusiasm is appreciated. I'm sure Puck appreciates it too."

"Yeah. It's actually pretty nice to have someone else offering to help Lia, with no strings attached." Puck commented, as the spirit appeared in the air, and he looked up toward the endless expanse of blue above him. The sun was steadily declining in the sky. It was clear that evening was getting closer. "Hmm, it's getting darker."

Subaru knew that the Great Spirit of Fire per his contract would only be active from around 9 to 5, and that during the morning and evening he was more weary than usual.

"How about you rest in the crystal for now, Puck?" Emilia commented, patting her spirit on the head. The bond between them was something special, and Subaru disliked the thought of that in every future where he had made it far enough; that bond would eventually change, or end. Maybe if he tried harder this time, he could stop that from happening.

"Yeah...that might be a good idea." Puck yawned. "I'm already starting to feel slightly tired, and I want to be ready if any trouble happens."

"Alright. I'll call you when I do need you then. Rest well." Emilia smiled, and Puck went back into the crystal, as Subaru looked on.

Even now after the hundreds of relentless loops Subaru had been through, he was still amazed by how magic like that worked.

"So, we're coming up on the loot house now." Subaru pointed to said building in the distance. "It- it'd be best if I do most of the talking here."

"Oh, so~ do you know the people inside?" Emilia asked.

"Well...sort of. Let's- let's just say I know who they are and leave it at that. They'll be suspicious of us, so it's important that we put on an act. ...Otherwise they'll kick us out and we'll be damn out of luck."

"I'm not too comfortable with lying to them- but I see your point. What do you suggest then."

"First off I don't think it's wise to let them know you are the original owner, as they'll grow suspicious of us too quickly. It's also imperative, Emilia-tan, that the thief who took from you doesn't recognize who you are. If they do, then our negotiations will break down."

"Oh, don't worry! I have that covered." Emilia gestures to the cloak she wore. "This cloak is enchanted that it prevents people from recognizing the wearer unless they want them to."

"Ah…I see."

Of course! Subaru thought. That's what it does. ...Damn it. It's not very good that I forgot something so simple like that. I've even used the stupid thing myself before!"

Of course, the only problem with that statement was that he didn't remember how he used her cloak or when he did so; but Subaru did his best to shove that information back into his mind as much as he could. He didn't have the time nor the energy to dwell on such a thing.

"So, once we get inside we're going to pose as buyers for the item. My...metia should be enough to get us the insignia. Then we leave, and get out of this place as soon as we can. Simple right?"

Emilia nodded, then turned to look at him. "Yes, but what about Reinhard? You did ask him to come here after all. If it's going to be that simple…"

Something stirred in his memories, and Subaru felt a phantom pain in his lower torso. Subaru didn't know what it was, but it was most certainly not good.

"I can't remember...whatever it is…but it has to be the reason why I reflexively called Reinhard to join us." Subaru thought back to that moment. Truthfully, Subaru wasn't quite sure why he asked Reinhard to meet them there in the slums, it just kind of came out. It could have been dismissed as a simple reflex due to interactions in past timelines, but Subaru knew better. Even though he didn't know why, he asked what he did of Reinhard for a reason. He just hoped that the red-haired Sword Saint would be here in case whatever was lurking in the shadows decided to make an appearance.

"...I just have a feeling that something later on could happen, and having the chance at the Sword Saint himself as backup is something I don't think anyone with any sense would turn down."

"That's true." Emilia places a hand to her chin, thinking. "I'm only a bit acquainted with Reinhard, but from what I've heard he is really~ capable."

"Well, maybe we'll get more familiar with him in the coming days." A simple "maybe" didn't even explain the half of it. In every single path he took, Reinhard was always there.

The two came to the front of the loot house, as Subaru prepared to knock on the door. Emilia had her cloak on, waiting for him to knock, but then paused. "Hey...before we go in, there's something that I'd like to ask."

"What is it?" He turned his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

"I- I noticed that when you would say my name you'd often add '-tan' to it. Why?" She bounced back and forth on her heels slightly, giving him a look that indicated confusion.

"Well…'-tan' is an honorific from where I'm from. It's added to the name of someone that you find endearing, or cute." Subaru found himself blushing slightly at the explanation; despite having explained this to Emilia prior several times in the past.

Some things never change...including my apparent inability to not blush in front of Emilia-tan. Although that's not necessarily a bad thing…

At the mention of the words "endearing" and "cute", Emilia's face took on a slight shade of red herself. "O-oh. That's nice. Thanks for telling me about the honorific, I guess...L-let's move on then. " She waved her hands in front of her and gestured towards the door; clearly wanting to distract from the prior explanation.

Subaru nodded, and reached to knock on the loot house's door, as a sudden realization hit him. He frowned, and groaned slightly.

There was a password to get in. And Natsuki Subaru had totally, completely, and utterly forgotten it.