Custodian
Harry Potter/Highschool DxD
Harry Potter/?
I own nothing
This is my first fic in the Highschool DxD world.
X: Of stories and house cleaning 1
Last Time
Sirius swore and the Hit Wizards and Aurors were upon him "Sirius Black, you are under arrest…"
With that everything went mad.
The fight with Lord Voldemort had left a mark on Harry, which was a scarily thin balancing act between a 'stable human being' and 'bloodthirst and combat junky'. The discovery of Rating Games had managed to widen the previous thin line to something akin to an old goat path.
However, the Aurors had managed to keep things civil. Unfortunately Hit Wizards, had ego problems and the moment they saw Sirius had pulled their wands and had bathed the atrium in the red light of stunning curses.
Harry had his wand in hand and created shields the moment he saw wands being drawn. The stunners crashed into the shields and were subsequently deflected, reflected or even absorbed. "Boy, let down the shields. Sirius Black is a wanted man!"
"How about I shove your wand up your asshole." Harry replied "You started cursing my Godfather the moment you saw the Auror walk up to him. Are you really that arrogant to think you can curse people and ask questions never? Of course, you do…you're fucking brainless curse-drunk barely capable Hit Wizard. Where were you when Tom Riddle, better known as Lord Voldemort was around killing off the public? Oh yeah, sucking his dick or even participating in the killing…So no, I will not drop the shields, if you batter them down; I'll put 'em back up. You charm me, I jinx. You hex, I curse. You curse…well I hope Hit Wizard pensions are good because your inbred imbecilic relatives and loved ones are gonna fucking need it." Harry snarled fuelling his magic into his aura as he slowly but surely made it visible.
The Hit Wizards stopped momentarily "What would the procedure be for bringing this brat…"
Just then one of the senior Hit Wizards realised who they were dealing with "Hit Wizards stand down. The-Boy-Who-Lived is here."
"He's protecting a convict."
"Is he, Hit Wizard? Did my Godfather actually get a trial, or are you so enamoured with the shit the fell out of Minister Fudge, then Minister Bagnold and Bartemius Crouch Seniors collective bowels and waste disposal tracts that you actually eat it as it falls out?" Harry growled.
The Hit Wizard was about to respond, however heavy footsteps stopped his argument as Amelia Bones, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alastor Moody. "Sirius Orion Black and Hadrian James Potter; the pair of you have been hard to find."
"We wanted a change of scenery, step away from the Traditional Wizarding Communities and go other places."
"Like Japan…Sirius, why Japan of all places? You of all people know that it's…"
"Full of hypocrites and weird magical routines…that could be said here. We're fine, we've been left alone…Anyway, Minister Bones why are we back here? The letter just said you summoned us."
"We have one Delores Jane Umbridge in custody and we are currently grilling her for evidence we can use to punish her…"
Harry sighed "Just cut the bitch's throat and leave her to be eaten…That might not be your policy, Minister but your office in my opinions is a lot to be desired."
Bones looked at Harry, the young man looked at her almost lazily and defiantly. "Your concerns are valid, Mr. Potter…But still, procedure and protocol must be maintained."
"Yes, yes, that's all well good but what are you going to do in regards to this…travesty of justice involving my Godfather?"
"What do you mean! The man's fucking guilty, give him…" The Hit Wizard didn't finish what he was intending to as Harry dropped a pillar of air, slamming him into the floor.
"I'm sorry, I thought I heard you gargling on shit and decided to help out."
"That is not proper procedure, it's the Heimlich manoeuvre to the back to help him cough up whatever he's choking on." Bones, chimed in.
"As for the miscarriage of justice you're referring to we can deal with that here." Sirius slumped into a chair and with Three drops of Veritaserum, was singing like a canary. The questions ranged from stunts done in Hogwarts, the Auror Academy and finally the entirety of the timeline leading up to his arrest.
"I, Amelia Susan Bones as Minister for Magic declare Sirius Orion Black free of any crimes aside from being an Unregistered Animagus and Escaping Azkaban. For the former, he has fulfilled his sentence. Monetary compensation from both Auror Force and Wrongful Imprisonment with thirteen years inflation prices will be given to you in full minus the five hundred galleon signup fee and twenty-two thousand galleons up to now for not knowingly and willingly not listing your animagus forms with the appropriate authorities."
"Is that satisfactory Mr. Potter, Mr. Black?"
The pair nodded, Harry grinned "Now, let's give her all that lovely information on Umbitch and her year of tyranny. Then please can I get a shovel to dig her hole and bury her in it? Or use her for…totally not big game hunting using her as bait." Harry replied glibly.
"Be grateful Mr. Potter that I know you're joking."
As they were about to enter a small blood-red sigil appeared with a small round imp like creature, holding a phone that looked massive in comparison. Harry grabbed it and dismissed the Imp "Who is it? You better have a good reason as Time Zones are a bitch, data's expensive and people had better be in ICU or the Morgue for me to actually care."
"Mah, mah Harry. What's got your package in a not." Came the calm tone of Rias. Apparently, he was on speaker, as he could hear the giggling of Akeno and Kiba in the background.
"Ah, Lady Gremory…what needs killing that you've decided to hire your Right-Hand Magician."
"Less, hire. More employ your positively murderous intentions and obviously very screwed in loose moral compass and your even looser sanity."
"So tempting, if you wanted a threesome with Akeno and I…I'm not going to turn you down with the way you're talking." Rias flushed red and Akeno positively broke out into giggles. Issei was grinning, Koneko was muttering about 'stupid horn dog mages' and the resident problem of the exorcists looked confused.
"The problem has arrived." Rias commented.
"Which problem? My kind, your kind or your one of your counterparts? Mine and yours, I recommend the 1st set of shelves as you walk down the stairs, second and first layers. That should deter all but the most magically powerful and most bull-headed of opponents."
"One of our counter parts, the you know…Hark The Angels Sing."
"Ahhh, the potentially abused sexually scouts of the Church…The only thing I can recommend for that is Viagra and orange juice."
"I get the orange juice but not the Viagra."
"Gets you so horny, wet or horny and hard that it relieves the potential influence of interacting with them for so long. Which sect are they? Christian Crusaders, missionaries of the multitude of subsects of ones causing havoc in the news or the Judaic bunch?"
"Christian Crusaders, specifically the Catholic branch."
"Fffuucckkk, disregard my other ideas for cures. Only one I can think of is don't assume the position and don't drop the soap."
"You watch way too many sitcoms."
"Et tou, Rias? Which anime craze are…?"
"Shut up…Anyway, they're women."
Harry snorted "Holy Female Exorcists…now make sure Issei doesn't summon an octopus or slime familiar…I've made the mistake of swiping his phone. Anyway, see you when this is done."
Rias hung up "Terribly sorry about that. That was the result of a sprained ankle, a very disgruntled crow and a mug of mead…No-one was harmed save for a little bit of dignity being lost." Harry explained before stowing the phone away.
The handing of evidence didn't take too long, within half an hour the pair were on their way. Who knew that 'I will not tell lies' had become part of him, the use of a blood-quill so many times had made him bound to tell the truth, one of the other things he'd become interested in were comics. Harry quickly realised that he'd have to become more Doctor Strange-like; never lie but to mask the truth.
"You okay?"
"I'd rather be back home with Akeno…honestly. Please lets get something to eat before getting hopelessly drunk and go home."
Sirius nodded as they left they were met by Hermione, Padma and Neville with Hannah Abbot at his side "We're going with you…Harry, you said you can guarantee us work with decent employers?" Hermione asked.
"Guarantee you work with decent employers…no. Guarantee you work, definitely. Decent employers…Depends on which ever are interested. I've lucked out, managed to be employed by a minor entity and less entity whilst being loosely affiliated with four major entities but obligated to work none…at least they've got through the paperwork."
"You make it sound like you've jumped in bed with the devil." Hermione said as Sirius let out some barks of laughter and Harry paled.
"That's…actually more on the nose than you'd think." Hermione sighed.
"What have they offered you?"
"Books, a Woman…in essence I said 'I'd bail you out for a condition', mead and a chance to fight."
"And you offered?"
"Magical power, a grimoire of destructive magical power; an armoury of even more doubly dangerous weapons and a wonderful and endearing and well-educated magician more than willing to get stuck in…As the Boss Lady so aptly found when I trolled her fiancé."
Everyone took a few steps back as Hermione's magical power coiled "What…Did…You…Do?"
"Words exchanged, insults followed and this was followed by her, my subsequent boss, to help her get out of the betrothal. To do that she'd need to beat him in a Rating Game…Anyway he's twenty odd years older, full harem of servants and only saw her as a way to climb through the ranks of society. Her brother is also an elected dictator, has no clan power, so he asked me off the record from his birth family not as a leader."
Hermione retracted her power "I can't tell just how much of that is the truth and how much is bull…Quite frankly, I'm coming with you as is Padma because love…"
Padma giggled "Harry, evidently cannot walk down the street without causing a problem…This won't be a problem will it?"
Harry shrugged and pulled out his phone "Yes, yes and no…Don't worry…this'll be brought up in the peace talks at which nothing is going to go wrong…Excuse me, I need to make a call."
Harry placed the phone on loud speaker "Yes? Whose calling?"
"Which member of the house am I speaking to?" Harry asked.
"Stupid moron, give me a reason to not kick you about the training room." Koneko replied, slightly grouchy.
"Did a kitten not get her milk? Koneko, I'm probably overdue an ass-kicking. Anyways are any of the others awake?"
"Will be when I wake 'em…" Everyone listened as doors opened "Ko…ne…ko? It's 3am!"
"It's your idiot mage…Stupid powerful pervs got himself in trouble."
"Rias Gremory speaking, Harry just what have you done now? Please tell me you've not annoyed the Fumor Family?"
"Lady Rias, your scepticism and belief that I, your humble mage, could get into so much trouble with another family in…three days."
"Harry, you've managed to focus 24 Branch Families of Four or Five Great Families on your primary allegiance in four hours, you also managed to injure an heir of one of the Seventy-Two and drank one of the Maou under the table AND woke up with my Second and Queen…This had better be good."
"When coming back to bury my past in fire and brimstone in a way that made your former affianced look like a Sunday Roast…I found it already on its way to do such a thing solo. Anyway, I've ran into an army of likeminded individuals, not necessarily loyal to me…But somehow trust me with their wellbeing and I may have offered them potential introductions."
"They're strengths?"
"They make things go boom, they can put me back together again, they can put others back together again, they can be increasingly inventive, can be bought by good alcohol."
"In essence lesser versions of you…I suppose…This is going to need…" Rias stopped, she quickly realised what Harry was doing. This wasn't hers or Sonas problem but more of a Satan problem "…No problem. Sona will be upset."
"It's not like she can kill me…95% sure that her killing me might cause a war or at least a skirmish."
Rias let out a tense sigh "Good night…we'll discuss this later."
There was a click "So…who will we be annoying?"
"Just a Devil Princess from the Ars Goetia…Come, come…we can have a party and all head in the morning."
(Few days later)
"Damn, Harry…your boss is loaded. I mean private jet AND a tailor, why'd we need the dressing up?" Seamus asked as he looked uncomfortable in his suit.
"I informed the Boss Lady that we scrubbed nicely, when we had the time…" The group known as Dumbledore's Army chuckled at that, Harry had meant burns and soot for Seamus.
"Are you always like this?" Pavarti asked.
As they got off the plane, they spotted a Red-Haired school girl with blood red down to her leg length hair "No, no…He's generally much worse. Much more insolent and disobedient."
"Lady Rias, your words hurt me…"
"Bull as you would say Hadrian. You and I both know that you cheerfully disregard orders and instructions…It's only just taken me until now to realise you work best with suggestions…Anyway, welcome back from England. How was the trip."
"Waste of time and money in my case. My Godfather's well I only had to hospitalise one idiot…I must be losing my touch." Harry winced as Hermione cracked him across the back of the head.
"Lady Rias, forgive my little brother by choice…"
Rias began to giggle "You must be Hermione? Harry warned me about you. I believe he referenced you to as 'Pinky and The Brain' and 'She's the control and I just hit things'."
"You are quite mad Harry…"
"That's like saying you're only a little bit of a genius."
"All right you two. Time's awaiting and I've left the Catholic Crusaders with the rest of the House."
Harry groaned "You've…"
"Everyone ignored your advice Harry, so we decided to the next best thing. Send you at them…"
"I better…"
"You're turning down the chance to go all Right-Hand Pandemonium…"
"Nooo, just have a healthy respect for the other major stakeholder in Kuoh…You know her as Sitri Sona."
"She's…as irked as everyone else."
Harry nodded "Take them to the OCR, I'll make my own way." With that Harry vanished with a sharp pop. Harry arrived just before Rias, and walked inside the front door. He slipped into his Direwolf form, which should have been small pony sized but due to Werewolf it was the size of a warhorse.
Akeno was busy with tea as Rias and an interesting group of people arrived "Who art thou?"
"Miss Quartia, they're friends of someone in my service. They merely asked me to give their friends an introduction."
"An innocent will be spared when I kill…" The doors opened Irina and Xenovia both yelped as the Griffin sized Direwolf padded into the room. The wolf stretched and yawned revealing its claws and teeth effortlessly shutting up the raging exorcists.
"Well, well, well…I leave for a few days and the Catholics are crusading now I'm just waiting for the Nazis to start invading. Everyone it's been a week and feels like years. Fear not your encyclopaedic murderous and rather dashing Mage is back! With more snark and even more sass. Did you miss me?"
"Like toothache." Came Koneko. The Wizards laughed as Harry dropped grasping his heart 'Shot through the heart…' He gasped as he hit gently levitated himself to the floor.
He sat up "Now who might be the two fundamental dogma fed exorcists be?"
"We're exorcists."
"I'm Shidou Irina and this is Quarta Xenovia, we're here to retrieve the missing Excalibur Fragments. Xenovia firmly believes that its you Devils of the Ars Goetia that have stolen the fragments, however I do not judge so easily."
"Yet you are quick to judge us already, Miss Shidou. You wrongly assume that we are all Devils by association of people with Devils. You yourself are currently associating with Devils due to the fact you're talking to us and not trying to kill us. But you're right, the Devils in charge of Kuoh do not have the Excalibur fragments. Some are here because of man, a man has invited them here based on said mans bad life choices, ability to walk to dance with death in the full moonlight, and to meet death only for her to swipe left. Said man profusely apologies to his colleagues, peers and friends for dropping them up to their necks in shit."
"It's fine…We trust that the man will give us clarity."
Xenovia growled "Enough of this. Where are the Excalibur fragments before I introduce you to see Excalibur Destruction."
"You'll be dead before you can even summon it, Xenovia Quarta. Irina Shidou if you even think about drawing Excalibur Mimicry, you'll also be dead. Do not threaten me with Holy Scripture, Quotes from a misinterpreted book based on half-heard and even confused ramblings. My Ancestors were there at Excaliburs forging, my Ancestors were there when YOUR GOD and his legions steam-rolled the other pantheons and My Ancestors were there on the Field of Camlann when Arthur Pendragon died and Excalibur broke…You want to test your metal…or do you want the real culprit behind this." Harry growled.
Xenovia stopped "How! That's a LIE, the scripture declared that the God delivered the Fragments of Excalibur to the Church to protect it and to destroy Gods enemies."
"Your Church, fears what it cannot control. Your exorcist predecessors captured, tortured and raped a twelve-year-old great-aunt of mine for the knowledge of the location of the Excalibur swords…Furthermore 'Out of the Nightmare that created thee, I thank Yahweh for his inevitable end. I am the screams of terror in the night, the screams of the broken and the tortured come forth the Holy Sword of Terror, The Sword of Tranquillity, The Sword of Dream…Come Forth Excalibur Nightmare!" Harry thundered, his hand flashed purple and black as a rapier appeared.
"You honestly thought the Church had ALL the Excalibur fragments? My family managed to rig this one with safety charms. Oh don't look so shocked…Any idiot with a brain would go for the sword that influences dreams…Are we done with our temper tantrums? Can we now talk?"
(Somewhere)
"My Lord Kokabiel…we've lost Excalibur Nightmare."
"It matters not, our informants have managed to gather enough data in order to recreate the Excalibur fragments. It's time for Freed to do play his part, for the War will soon resume and we the Fallen shall triumph!"
(ORC)
There was dumbstruck silence "So the Supernatural are real with the big factions being the Hindu-Buddha alliance, Forces of Heaven and The Church, The Fallen and The Underworld…not Hell, who appear to be unwelcome neighbours correct." Hermione repeated. Rias nodded.
"Wanded communities have been rendered excommunicate for the fact we target the soul…I get that." Seamus chimed in. This received a nod.
"Everyone lost the War; although the Church has only just started to return. Devils have got their Evil Rating System to bolster their numbers and the Fallen have something interesting. Furthermore, only The Church hasn't got the means to rebuild their numbers and as such work through exorcists. The Underworld lost their Original Leaders correct?" Padma commented.
"Yup and we get our strength through deals and services. Nothing that requires the entirety of the soul…we're not savages…Yes, we get it's a lot to take in." Rias explained.
"Harry, this is such a you situation. You're the only person I know who could walk from one disaster into another. Harry is involved as a Contracted Magician to you, Rias personally…instead of your Family." Neville realised.
"It's liberating but also a noose about my neck. Liberating because I can turn round to any Devil and tell 'em to 'Get stuffed with a rusted cacti' and not suffer any direct confrontation due to Rias beating her fiancé so utterly in a Rating Game and me acting more or less a living breathing troll who doesn't take it seriously. However, it's also a noose due to the lack of access to materials that could be granted to me as a Gremory Magician…" Harry summarised.
"Harry is also in possession of several artefacts that have not granted him many friends in the Supernatural Communities due to him…being him."
Rias shook her head "More everyone wants a contract with Harry to save them from his whimsical maddening ways. He's also the only Human Contracted Mage with enough power to say no to contracts with no hard feelings; furthermore he's also one of the few to have created a major devilish law suit over WHOM he actually works for…"
"You've gotta love Devil Mead…This was totally by accident."
Akeno raised an eyebrow "You entered these contracts, got exceptionally drunk, out-drank Sona's elder sister, fought Rias's combat junkie cousin and woke up in my bed and all you suffered was a complete loss of direction and ability to walk!"
"How was his head?"
"Fine, according to him."
The Wizards began giggling and chuckling "Harry will never show the symptoms of being hungover. In fact, he's gotten drunk and managed to act as sober as a judge to bullshit his way through his lessons."
"That…explains a lot. Stupid ass moron." Koneko muttered giving Harry a look and popped her neck.
"Seriously, Koneko…here and now?"
"No, I smell another one of my kind…with her." With that she pointed at Hermione, who was busy stroking Crookshanks. The orange cat looked at Koneko and in a faint orange light shifted.
"Terribly sorry about this, nyah. Hermione; you're definitely the best nyah." Crookshanks said as he stretched, everyone watched as he stretched and a pair of tails and cat ears.
Koneko's eyes narrowed as she eyed the newcomer "How'd you survive?"
"I was in the human world. I went undercover and then got taken in by momma." Hermione blushed at that.
Harry popped his neck "So exorcists, I'm betting on everyone getting played…Rias? Just what have I missed?"
"All Major Powers are coming to Kuoh for peace talks. There's been an increase in activity by those known as the Khaos Brigade."
"The only true answer, outside of Einstein." Dean chirped in getting dirty looks from everyone.
"Okay, enough with the bantering…I need places for this lot to crash for an undetermined amount of time. I can house three…Then, Rias…I heavily suggest you inform the Co-Ruler of the territory that things are about to go bonkers. I also recommend getting the Maou and other important personal informed about turning up for this. I need to know why down there feels like Blood, Sanskrit and Fear; Akeno's kink dungeon? And…" Just then as a series of sigils appeared on the floor.
"Harry? Who is turning up exactly?" Hannah asked very nervously.
"Eeerrr…Lucifer, Leviathan and I dunno. I'm rather low down in the need-to-know."
"Harry-tan, we all know the reason you don't know is because you don't wish to know…Even I saw you were trolling Riser." Squealed Leviathan, attaching herself to the magician in question.
"My noble steed and unconquered foe!"
"How's the hangover, Lady Leviathan?"
"Bbbuuu…I will beat you. I will gain your services as a Mage." Leviathan retorted with a pout.
The Devils stiffened "Serafall…Please…please do not add to the paperwork."
"It's still ending up on my desk, Zechs-chan…He's still a human and thus Foreign Affairs."
The other two coughed politely "Hi, Rias, Sona…your respective peerages…Comhnoir Potter; I didn't expect to see you here." Azazel said noticing the Guardian.
"Governor-General Azazel…Me to. Well my rash choices and Hyodou's poor life choices are why I'm here. Also, I brought my rather eclectic, eccentric but no less capable entourage of Wizards and Witches. We, as a collective, found new…intelligence shall we say about potential excitement at the peace talks."
"My thanks. I am Michael…I represent the Host of the God-Of-The-Bible…now what is it that you think?"