Interlude I

By: ViolentBlue

Subaru was there again. Caught up in the abyss. Between waking life, and dreams of death.

"And we're back. Tell me, what did you learn from your ill-fated endeavour, this time?"

...Let me back in. There's- there's so much I have to do...

"Do what? Go back out there? Get slaughtered again by whoever killed you this time."

Rem...Rem didn't mean- oh God...Rem...she…

"She did."

Dread filled Subaru's heart and mind, realizing what had just occurred. He was murdered, yet again by the Oni maid he cared so much for.

She...she murdered me...just like that.

"No...she didn't just murder you. She betrayed you, Subaru. You were so kind to her, so patient, so trusting; and then she took the faith that you put in her and ground it into a fine powder. Then blew it all over your gravestone. Ashes, to ashes."

I had 4 days last time! I never did anything to her, what do I...I...I can't…

He can't go back. Not again.

I'll-I'll just die...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-

"Shh...calm yourself. It pains me to see you losing yourself like this. It's done. They can't hurt you anymore."

And...and the worst part...I…

"Easy now."

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER HER FACE!

That was the extent of how far he had declined. Not just random knowledge from past loops or events scheduled to occur were the fullest extent of what Subaru had lost. Even the faces and figures of those he cared about so much, like Rem, were fading from his mind. No matter how long Subaru tried to hold onto those memories, they slipped from him like water on glass. Like his life did over and over from the world.

"Is that it, now? Your conscious thought and memories must be deteriorating even more now. Bit by bit, slowly sloughing off into the abyss."

You're me...why- why don't you remember. Show me her face! I don't want to forget!

"The reason I can't show it to you is precisely the reason you can't remember. I'm you. Just your subconscious, your shadow. I can't make anything appear out of thin air. But- I can help you rest."

Rest…but I'm going to go back again...the witch is going to…

"She can send your body, but you can remain here. In the abyss. In your own torn and splintered mind, just below the surface of the world. You don't have to do anything, not anymore."

...I don't want to go back.

"Then you don't have to. Come. Let's take a journey through Oblivion."

…

"That's it...just fade out with me. There's nothing for you to do here anymore. There's no bed you are in. No world out there to throw yourself against. No enemy to have to grapple with. No "friends" you have to constantly save from their own incompetence. No pain, no suffering, no undignified ways of dying over and over again. And there's certainly no "Return By Death" to make you repeat your mistakes. Now...just fade out. Give in. Let the darkness overtake you, and shelter your fragile mind from the harsh unforgiving reality of life. Retreat into the blackest recesses, the most hidden corners of your mind. That's all you need now. That's all that's left for you. Surrender to the darkness. Head for Oblivion."

I...I shouldn't...

"Shh. Relax. There's nothing more to be said. There's nothing here for you anymore."

...

Distantly he could feel himself under the covers of his bed in Roswaal's mansion, but Subaru pushed the thought aside. On the very edges of his hearing there were footsteps, likely Rem and Ram. But he blocked them out. Through his blurry vision, they were holding his hands, but he shut his eyes closed.

A small part of Subaru still had wanted to wake up, but he couldn't do it anymore. The voice in his mind was right. It was time to give up the fruitless struggle he had been in for so long. He didn't need to suffer unending torment at the hands of his enemies. He didn't need to go through the heartbreak of watching his friends memories of him being wiped over and over.

And so for the first- and the last time in his life. Subaru headed for Oblivion.

There was nothing for him. Not anymore.

Not even the world outside.

Not even the fight to stop the Witch Cult.

Not even Beako.

Not even Rem and Ram.

And not even...Emilia.