Custodian
Harry Potter/Highschool DxD
Harry Potter/?
I own nothing
This is my first fic in the Highschool DxD world.

XVIII: What'd I Miss?

Serafall and Harry were doing what an overly immature Maou with sis-con tendencies and her newest servant with trollish tendencies loved to do in downtime. Videogaming; currently they were playing Borderlands 2 on co-op with Ajuka Beelzebub and Sirzechs Lucifer.

Currently Harry was playing Gaige; a girl with a homicidal death bot, Serafall was using a Siren; weird explosive and eccentric, Harry somehow thought it fitted her. Sirzechs was playing the Soldier; death by firepower, considering how Sirzechs was outside of his own sis-con tendencies, perverseness for his wife and somehow being a good father on top of being a Maou, Harry was impressed. Ajuka was playing Zer0; the sniper swordsman, Harry had no comment as he hadn't met Ajuka that often.

At this moment in time, Harry was healing Sirzechs as he'd gone at gotten himself targeted by Slagged Thresher and had been killed off by Stalkers; Ajuka similarly had been taken out by Loaders and Serafall was rushing towards him. "Explain to me…HOW you've ended up with the Loaders?"

"I got lost."

"I can see that, what befuddles me is how you got that lost…You weren't even driving." Harry commented.

"I'm an explorer, I only really play this to wander about."

"Damnit Dora. No, Sera…I have low expectations of the jobs you need me to do, and Dora the Fucking Explorer does not even reach the bar of good idea…believe me that bar is low."

"You're no fun." Serafall retorted, the conversations were being had over microphone causing no end of laughter.

"On any day ending in a 'y' is what Koneko reliably informed me. Silly girl, I have to wonder, how's she dealing with all of that catnip." Harry retorted absentmindedly.

Sirzechs began to choke with laughter "How did you do that? My little sister has some truly powerful wards protecting her new residence; accompanied by a troupe of exceptionally gifted wizards."

"Considering, I'm the one she consulted on her powerful wards; and I TRAINED and SUMMONED that particular troupe. It'd be perfectly reasonable to say I have my ways in and out of the protections that she doesn't know about. Besides, my marijuana is growing in the basement."

"You mean the main strands that are going around the Underworld from the Gremory grounds is yours."

"Yeah, Crowley burnt a favour for my supplies."

"You, Harry are a bad influence on the Underworld." Ajuka sighed.

"For once that fault is not mine…originally. You can blame your lovely Foreign Affairs."

"We know, unfortunately Harry, your ability to cause and stir up trouble has now got to the point; especially amongst the up and coming heirs and heiresses that you're being attributed to everything going wrong." Sirzechs commented as he activated his soldiers gun turret to back up the Deathtrap.

"As long as Matou Crest Worms and people starring in tentacle hentai, or anything involving children are not being painted to me then I'm fine."

There was a stone silence "We're going to ignore the first two parts of that retort. So, as long as nothing endangers, kills or even hurts children outside of children being children, you're not endorsing it."

"Children are sacrosanct and innocent. Bound to Leviathan or no, anyone using my name to harm children…" Harry trailed off, Devils were hedonistic and sensualist entities and coupled with the various other factors; it was hard for him at times to rationalise what he's thinking and what are his impulses.

They were distracted by a klaxon on Harry's phone "Rias…"

"Did you know?"

"I know lots of things, but about what?"

"Vali being part of the Khaos Brigade, him being the descendant of Lucifer…the ORIGINAL Lucifer. Also, he's taken Gasper and Asia."

Harry looked at the screen, to see his character die "And now I'm dead. Okay, Rias…who is with you? Where are you?"

"Mine and Sona's peerage; your wizard colleagues are making themselves either useful or scarce. We're at the Clubhouse and why is Koneko acting like she's just had an anaesthetic?"

"I'll be right there."

Harry turned to Serafall "I've got to go do a thing."

"Aren't you getting dressed? You're in pj bottoms."

"They're calling me on my day off. What's Rias gonna do? Spank me, she can try. Sona? She'll be fighting off a blush."

"You're an asshole sometimes." Serafall stated.

"You pay me to be one…Unless you want to give me a Satan Ranger uniform?"

That rocked the three maou "You'd participate in us running around in spandex?" Ajuka stated.

"I mean I've run into a fight with one arm, my guts doing a full monty, whilst doing a full monty. Spandex, might not be so bad."

Serafall looked at her latest minion "You've done the Full Monty, and not told anyone?"

Harry shrugged "Oktoberfest, Serafall. You get us to do Oktoberfest and I'll Full Monty."

"Swear on it?" Serafall could be childish. Harry lifted his pinky, Serafall lifted her opposing one and they shook.

"I've never broken a pinky, yet."

"Is that pinky promise or pinky as in the finger." Ajuka asked curiously.

"Yes…Anyway, trolling to be done and insults to be exchanged." Harry announced imperiously as he slid on a pair of carpet slippers.

"Don't fear the entity who orders mass extermination in boots, fear the one in slippers; for he is a total monster."

"Same applies for trolling."

"Yes." There was a pop and Harry vanished.

(ORC)

The room was a mixture of panic, desperation and failed peace-keeping; this was the scene Harry apparated into "Hey peeps, wanna see a fabulous body?"

The shrieks and yelps were music to his ears "Harry! You're late." Scolded Hermione, a grin on her face.

"I'm never late. A wizard is never late, not is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to, Hermione." Harry replied gibly as he headed to the kettle and began prepping tea.

"Harry, making tea is my job." Akeno stated.

"As it is mine to send you to Elysium through pleasure and love, Akeno. The tea I'm wanting is considered heathen to you; I'm very much feeling like a heathen to day." Harry retorted, before kissing her on the forehead.

"Couldn't you have worn something more suitable." Pavarti asked, she seldom assisted Harry in his trolling; but some times it had to be done.

"If you meant nothing at all. I can easily oblige…" Pavarti and most of the people blushed or fought to hide the nosebleeds.

"Harry, why are you in pj's? Its past time people were up and about."

"I'm on the nightshift. Besides, it's mine and Sera's day off, we were…occupied."

"You…were doing what?" Growled Sona, water appearing in her hand.

Harry's shit-eating grin said it all. However, he'd inscribe a note saying 'video games' to Akeno along with words of 'play along'. Wandless magic, such a wonderful skill.

Neville however wasn't fooled. He'd seen Harry create the note and chose not say anything "If the God-Emperor Troll can stop dispensing troll-comments and Mindfuckery on Alucard's scale, we kinda need to address the Oppai Dragon in the room."

"NEVILLE! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" Shouted Issei.

"We are, Issei…aside from when your motor-mouth of lewd comments is about to start. Harry, things have gone tits-up; far bigger than we could have ever thought."

"I asked you to a job and you cocked it up. I wanted you to investigate Vali and this happened." Rias growled as the Power of Destruction welled in her hands.

"First off, I think you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off; pipe down on that power-trip. Second, my orders don't come from you; they come from Sera. Sera gave me other orders. Third, I've been up to my eyeballs dealing with funerals and anime…things. Someone's offered me a contract if I show up as someone called EMIYA?"

Harry shrugged "According to a new drinking and gaming buddy of mine; by the name of Azazel. Yes, that Azazel. Vali is Vali Lucifer, descendent of the OG Lucifer; his family are pricks. He's also the Vanishing Dragon. As for kidnapping Gasper and Asia…Only the first is his style."

"Then who'd take one of my servants? One of my peerage?" Rias growled.

Harry looked at the fierce red-head "Honestly, I haven't…" Just then his phone rang to the ringtone of 'You Say Run'.

"This Harry Potter?" Came wheedling, needling voice.

"Depends, do I owe you money?"

"No."

"Then this is Harry Potter, who is this? Speak false and I'll split reality to find you. Speak true and we might be able to have a civil discussion."

"My name is Astaroth, Diodora Astaroth and I'm the one behind the abduction of Argento Asia."

Harry placed the phone on loud-speaker "Not sure whether to applaud or be face-palm you, Astaroth. You managed to abduct a Bishop of Gremory, yet you call the most flippant, whimsical and master troll who may or may not be trying to console and provoke said Gremory Peerage."

There was a stillness "You'd do well to hold your tongue…"

"Not possible if you want a civil conversation, been there and done that."

Harry could sense Diodora was regretting calling him "Can you, please, put Heiress Gremory on. I wish to discuss a trade."

"It's for you, Rias…He's pissed."

Rias's eyes glinted "What are you going to do about Gasper?"

"I'll find out." With a soft crack, Harry left.

Harry returned "That was fast." Serafall commented.

"You know, had to be a troll. Butcher a few quotes, nail a few quotes and generally just be…well, me."

Serafall shook her head and pulled Harry to her "Unfortunately, Zechs has to go doing his 'dad thing' and one of Ajuka's servants blew up."

"Like bomb or inflated."

"Former."

Harry smirked "The minion is over there, over there, over there and up there and you genuinely miss bits of them."

Serafall giggled "You're simply the worst."

"I know I am."

The duo parted "You're unsure about this."

"Partially. Somewhat."

(Rias et al.)

Rias hung up on Harry's phone, swore briefly and contemplated destroying it. "Not good?"

"Not good indeed. Diodora wants Asia for his peerage and will do…things to her, if I do not agree to his requests. Unfortunately, he's got all of the cards."

Hermione smirked "Did he say what he would do?"

"Something called Matouing her."

Hermione's eyes flashed "Contact Harry, tell him that exactly. He'll get the reference."

Rias shook her head "I can't and I won't. I won't bring Harry down on all of my opponents; that runs the risk of me potentially losing my status as Heir to Gremory."

"And I'm sure there are no end of hopefuls."

Rias nodded sharply "Quite, now let us see about dealing with Astorath Diodora."

"Smash him into tiny pieces for any and all threats to you and yours. He's transgressed and Devil Law is big on the procedures and the blow-by-blow." Dean said, he was allied with Sona Sitri but he was also one of the biggest legal troll hopefuls outside of Gremory Crowley.

Everyone turned to look at him "Kidnapping a Bishop is a no go. Rias, did Astorath do anything prior to this? Think carefully, it could be anything."

"He did offer a trade."

Dean smirked "Was it by the book…?"

"He was, I wasn't…Oh no, by the Maou. Because I didn't follow protocol, the power of trade is still functioning and due to Asia being named; Diodora can only grab or lay hands on her due to her being the interested piece. If he tried to do that to any of the others, the natural power of the Evil Pieces would have rebuffed him…"

"Unless Harry ripped the shits throat out, the only person Harry would break protocol for would be Akeno."

Akeno giggled at that "Thankfully, Buchou and Harry have reputations and Harry has some recorded demonstrations of Ultra-Violence."

The Wizards and Witches face-palmed "Of course he does."