Chapter 16: "Hawkeye v Deadpool: Superior Rising Edition"

Meanwhile, the senior X-Men had compiled plenty of intel from the Superior Rising mission in which Chance had been shot. Kate had put her PI shoes on again, especially since she was taking the whole thing a little bit personally. She'd dealt with flack when she'd joined the X-Men, but now that the kids were dealing with the same crap, she was determined to make the purple-shirted menaces regret trying to ruin the next generation's shot at being whoever they wanted to be.

Besides, it was personal on another level. She was the first human X-Man, and some of the stuff these guys were saying about her in their rallies and their websites was not only vile but borderline psychotic. She was used to death threats and used to people trash talking her, but these guys had shown the second they grabbed Chance that they were willing to escalate beyond just words. And she would rather deal with them herself than let the kids deal with that level of evil.

It had been her experience, after all, that the worst kinds of evil were the kinds perpetuated by everyday people.

The problem with fighting Superior Rising was that they were decentralized, with a few local leaders and the occasional big shot who got too cocky online and got arrested for it, but for the most part, the movement would change websites as fast as their new ones got taken down by David, find new ways to put out their hateful propaganda, and keep on going no matter how many of these idiots they took down.

So, the senior X-Men had plenty of small missions to run, different targets to take down. The loudest voices. The ones who had actually acted on their violent threats.

Kate had just sat back from her desk after sending out the intel to everyone on the team when, all of a sudden, a familiar, red-clad figure hopped up to sit on the desk and then lie across her keyboard when he saw that she was done working.

"Hi, Wade," Kate said, smirking as she got to her feet. "What's up?"

"I wanted your opinion. See … I was thinking the old red and black was maybe a little tired … a little worn out … and that there aren't nearly enough cat-based heroes in the world today," Wade said as he stretched out then pointedly knocked a cup full of pencils and pens off the edge of her desk. "How am I doing? Do I need to twist myself in the cat butt in the sun position for full effect? Or …" He turned and looked at her screen. "Okay … and now I'm pretty sure I walked into something a little more pressing than my new fur suit. So … since we're playing dress up, where is the Sherlock hat and pipe? You need at least a trenchcoat and one of those ugly plaid jackets with the leather patches on the elbows, Katie-girl. Ooh! A magnifying glass." He gestured to her uniform with one hand. "Hip holes are so last decade."

Kate couldn't help but laugh at him. "We'll get you some kitty ears for your costume," she promised him. "Right now, we're going to go deal with the idiots making purple look bad. Wanna come? Or do you need to take a nap in the square of sunlight from my office window? I was gonna go deal with a particularly nasty ringleader…"

"Sure, I'll puke in their shoes and pee on their carpet, too," Wade said with a nod. "With my sexy, cat-like reflexes, this should be a no-brainer."

Kate chuckled and grabbed her quiver. "Sure, sure. We can call your reflexes sexy if it makes you feel better."

"Hey. I'm just sayin', last week I was in LA? You know … not by the school. I was downtown on um … well I was downtown anyhow. And I walked past the Scientology church — you know the one, right? The main branch. And this guy came out and tried to hand me a flyer. Me! I didn't know what it was, but as soon as I realized what he was trying to hand me, my entire center mass went liquid. Like, I didn't really swerve? But I absolutely Jello-d around him like I picked up a secondary mutation. I'd like to see someone else try that. Evasion of literature via liquidation of your torso." He held up both hands. "Wait. I can show you... " He tried a few times with no success, then shrugged easily. "Maybe I need to be under duress. Stupid, latent, passive mutant ability."

"It's okay," Kate said consolingly, resting her hand on his shoulder. "You can cheer yourself up with my mission. I tracked down the guy who was filming when Chance got shot. Logan and K are trying to go after the guy that did it, but his face wasn't on camera, and he did it from the air. They don't have a scent, and leads are drying up. Figure we can get at least a better idea of who to look for from this guy."

"So give me the address," Wade said. "You can go back to kissing your fuzzy demon and forget you ever found it."

Kate smiled, recognizing his tone. "You've totally adopted that kid. Look at you going all protective."

"I'm just going to kill the creep. You know, since he's trying to mess with my intern."

Kate stopped and did a full body turn toward Wade. "Oh my gosh. Your intern? Have you — does he know you're calling him that?"

"Um … yes. Of course he does. I sent him an email. And a text. And another … six texts. He knows. Not sure if he knows he has to pick up my dry cleaning, though..."

"You know he and Elin are on an anniversary trip right now, right? Trying again after Sinister crashed the first one?"

"That would explain it," Wade said.

Kate smiled and looped her arm through Wade's. "Well, listen—"

"Are we off to see the wizard?"

"No, Billy's not coming," she shot back without missing a beat.

"Aww, shucks. I was hoping it would be a new teamup experience."

"What, one Hawkeye not enough for you?" she teased. "I know I'm older, but I still shoot better than you, and you know it."

"Oh, you always have," Wade said easily. "I just wanted to go for the Dorothy look. You can be the Tin Man." He gestured ahead of them. "Lead on. Just … be ready to get out of sight when I kill the creep."

"We don't know if he did anything except film the shot, Wade," Kate pointed out. "This is strictly an intel mission until we know otherwise."

"He did." Wade was nodding. "Or he wanted to."

"Then let's find out. But no killing unless he deserves it, okay?" Kate turned to look him in the eyes as much as possible with the mask on. "I mean it. We could actually get a lot of information out of him."

Wade didn't miss a beat. "He deserves it. But I am really good at advanced interrogation techniques. I'll just need to make sure we stop to pick up a rubber chicken and some white envelopes. Pretty sure I got everything else."

"What are you — never mind. I don't want to know," Kate said, doing a full body shiver. "Look, just… wait until we find out if it's just some dumb kid."

"Alright alright. Jeez. You act like I just kill people willy-nilly."

"You do if the money's good enough," Kate pointed out, though she had on a fond smile.

"That's not willy-nilly. That's a 'contract'," he said, complete with air quotes.

"Fair." Kate leaned over to kiss his cheek. "But you're going on a mission with an X-Man and an Avenger, so try to keep it cleaner, please?"

He waved one hand as he blew out his breath. "Please. Like I don't do that all the time. Don't worry so much, Hawkeye. You'll get wrinkles."

"Lies," Kate said primly. "Besides, I'm counting on you to help me remember I'm on those teams if it turns out this is one of the guys who helped beat that kid down on camera a while back."

"Katie, don't worry. If he's one of those guys, I'll only waste fifty cents on him when I waste him. No fuss, lots of mess." He waggled one finger at her. "It's all about budgeting. Gotta run a quick cost analysis against the price of ammo …"

Kate shook her head at him, though she was still headed out with her arm through his and had to laugh when they passed Kurt, who had obviously been about to come see her. "Hi, handsome. I'm taking Deadpool with me so he can let out some of his protective-of-Chance urges in a supervised setting. Be home for dinner!" she called out, which just had Kurt stuck between laughing at her antics and wondering if he should step in.

"Are you sure you don't want me to—" he started to say.

"Back off, Bamfmaster!" Wade shouted. "You have to learn to share!"

Kate laughed but did untangle from Wade long enough to steal a kiss with Kurt. "We haven't had a Hawkeye-Deadpool teamup in ages. And he really has been looking out for Chance. Even made Cable swear ten times in three different languages that the kid wasn't gonna turn out like him. He's taking it personally."

"You are too," Kurt pointed out. "Or do you think I don't hear what they call you at those rallies?"

Kate shrugged. "Yeah, well, Katie's gonna shoot things and I'll feel better."

"Katie … I have a flame thrower …" Wade called out in a mock whisper.

Kate smiled wider and kissed Kurt one more time. "I'm gonna go play with fire. Love you, bye!" she called over her shoulder — which just had Wade cackling as they headed out.

The two of them climbed into Kate's purple car and headed into the city; the Superior Rising cameraman didn't live too far, but it really had been long enough since Kate and Wade had teamed up that they ended up honestly catching up. Wade positively gushed about his little family, and Kate appreciated doing the opposite and talking about her company and PI work, shedding the idea of talking only about her kids as so often happened when people came to talk. Every once in a while, she liked being "Kate" and not "Mom."

She had just finished telling Wade about the new art foundation she was funding out of pocket from her company's profits when they arrived at the apartment complex she'd tracked down for the camera guy. "Okay, we're here," she said. "Don't forget: we need to know who the shooter was."

"I know, Katherine. This isn't my first stakeout of a guy who was doing something shady to an innocent little flower that never hurt anyone before in his whole life. I can totally help find the guy."

"Call me 'Katherine' again and I'm revoking your 'Katie' privilege," Kate said, one eyebrow raised as they got out of the car.

"Alright, alright. I'm just saying: I'm not one of your junior X-Men to push around and walk through things like I've never gone on an assassina- intel run."

Kate sighed. "Wade, gimmie my flamethrower."

"Fine, here. Take it," Wade said, doing a fair impression of a kid on the playground that thought they were being picked on. "I don't want it anyhow."

Kate smirked and held out her hands, but when he handed her a purple-detailed flamethrower with "for Katie" written on the side in sparkling purple letters, she let out a girlish giggle and threw her arms around his neck. "You are too sweet sometimes, you know that? You should know that."

"Sure. now you say that," he said sullenly, though he returned the hug all the same. When he let go, he double-checked that his swords were secured and then pulled his pistols out of the holsters. "I can take the back. Or the front. Only two entrances into this stupid place."

"You can go in the back," Kate said. "He's on the first floor, Room 116. Pretty sure the whole lobby is crawling with them, though. A lot of our traces wound up here. I think they're using it as a base."

Wade nodded. "Got it." He turned toward the building and broke into a run, and the first purple-shirted person he saw got pistol whipped on the approach. "Which one of you losers shot my intern?" Wade shouted as he hit the guy. Naturally, the guy went down hard, but the lack of answer wasn't good enough, even if he was unconscious. Wade just kept repeating the same shouted out question to every Superior Rising member he came across as he hit, kicked, shot (non fatally), and slammed into them.

Kate smiled to herself, leaning against a wall near the entrance and watching Wade go to town. This was the best part of any teamup with Wade. He was insane, yeah, but he was effective. "He's just gonna keep going until we find out who was filming when Shadow got shot," she said, casually, playing with the flamethrower in her hands and tracing the "Katie" on the side.

"You can't torch an apartment complex," one guy with an already-blooming black eye protested.

"No, but I've got very good aim and fire suppressant in some arrows, so I can get creative," Kate sang out sweetly. "I mean, Deadpool is better than I am at interrogation, but I've got my own way of doing things too."

Another guy, maybe sixteen, who Wade had only tossed into a wall because of his age, spoke up: "This is what we're talking about with you stupid humans. Can't go five minutes without threatening—"

"Finish that sentence and see where it gets you," Kate broke in, her eyes flashing. "I married a demon and adopted creatures of hell. You kids don't scare me." In the silence that followed, she could hear Wade still repeating his question. "Look, you're entitled to follow whatever weird cult you want, but when it gets someone shot, the fun stops. Now, tell the nice Deadpool who the cameraman was before he decides to stop playing intern protector."

Wade had gotten a hold of someone who he thought looked like a likely prospect — if the way he was trying to fight him was any marker. But a bunch of college-age-and-change morons with little to no training really didn't have much of a chance against someone like Deadpool. And it wasn't long at all before the fight was more or less over. He'd played with the kid, letting him think he was holding up a good fight until the boy actually got a little too close to a decent hit — and then Wade had enough.

In a few quick moves that seemed to make no sense at all to anyone watching, Wade rebounded off of two walls and a countertop before kicking the kid in the face and knocking him across the room. He vaulted over to him and stepped on both of his hands before he lost the near-fun tone and went to something else entirely. "That's right. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye," Wade said, then drew a katana out of the carrier on his back and slowly brought it closer to the kid's face. "And that someone would be you… unless you can talk fast before my hand slips."

The kid was almost quivering as he realized how badly he'd been outdone, and he stuttered a few times before he blurted out, "His name's Casey, okay?"

"What's that, princess?" Wade said, holding one hand behind his ear. "I didn't hear a last name to go with that. Casey … who? Casey at bat? Casey—"

"Oh my God." Kate broke into the back and forth, her eyes narrowed when she saw a different kid trying to sneak around the edges of the fight. She drew a putty arrow in a flash and pinned him to the wall. "Everybody out," she said and hoisted her flamethrower for emphasis. And under threat of Deadpool no longer playing nice and threatening to take people's eyes, the room cleared much faster than it would have for Kate alone. Which she appreciated.

Once the door shut with an echoing thud, Kate let Wade in on the secret. "This kid used to go to Westchester."

"Did he flunk out?" Wade asked before he kicked the one he had pinned in the head to knock him out.

"Yeah. After he helped his friend pin Elin to kiss her," Kate said, her gaze hard.

Wade froze. "You did what to my niece?"

"It wasn't my idea," Casey said, trying to pull himself free — with absolutely no luck. After Wade's last threat, he looked spooked.

"But you aided and abetted a sexual assault," Wade said, pointing his katana at him. "That's a stabbin'."

"He's invulnerable," Kate explained. "You'll break your katana."

"Oh, like he'd be the first 'invulnerable' mutant I've killed," Wade scoffed. "Just have to get creative and work from the inside … out." To emphasize his point, he put the sword away and dug around until he pulled out a frag grenade. "Case in point. All I have to do is pull this ring," He pulled the ring out and held the spoon down. "And shove it right—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Casey said, his voice getting higher in pitch with every word Wade spoke. "Look, that was years ago. I flunked out and got a hard lesson, okay? I haven't touched her since then, I swear."

"Did Daddy Dearest ever check if you were invulnerable to adamantium? Because … I have doubts," Wade said.

"Chance beat him up," Kate said, watching Casey squirm. "No wonder you're the one who filmed it. You were probably tickled." She turned back to Wade. "He and his best friend at school used to torment Chance and James, too."

Wade came over, grenade in hand. "So, Casey," he said in a low, rumbling tone. "Who's the shooter?"

Casey was actually shaking the closer Wade got. "I… It was one of our fliers."

"You gonna die for this creep?" Wade asked. "Is he worth it?"

Casey shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No, I just — look, Brian's the one who signed us up for this group. He's the one who told me the fliers were gonna target Summers. I don't know for sure if he shot him, but…" He swallowed convulsively. "That's the truth. I swear."

"Next question," Wade said in that same tone. "How much do you believe in all this 'mutants are superior' thing?" He waggled a finger in Casey's face. "I want an honest answer now."

Casey shook his head, tears leaking down the sides of his face. "We — we're the next step, right?" he stammered. "That's the truth! Please don't — that's the truth. You asked."

"You know you got beat down by two non-mutants right? Seems like a trend for you," Wade said. "And if you're really the next step, then this grenade lodged in your colon won't be a problem for you at all, will it? Not like the last invulnerable insufferable ass that needed to die. You're more advanced, right?"

"Please don't," Casey whispered. "I swear, you won't hear from me ever again. Please."

"Oh, but you'll hear from me, Casey," Wade said. "So you better adjust your world outlook and study Xavier's memoirs real well, because I'm going to hunt you down, and we're going to have a pop quiz on all the things you missed out at the Institute."

"I can send you copies," Kate put in helpfully. "Since we're assigning homework."

"And don't worry about updating me on where you are … I'll find you," Wade promised. "Oh yes. I will find you… and if I can't, I'll just have to ask my sister-in-law for a favor. I happen to know she likes drinking high dollar liquor while burning down jackasses' houses."

"Oooh, you and I should get drinks after this in her name," Kate said, grinning widely.

"Just as soon as Casey here formally resigns from this shit show." Wade waited for Casey to agree. "No more hate groups for you, right, Case, lil buddy?"

"Right," Casey swore. "No more. I swear. I promise. Please."

Wade reached up to pat his cheek. "Study hard so Uncle Deadpool doesn't have to kill you. You only get one shot at this test."

Casey nodded, gulping, wincing as Kate came over to pour a small vial on the putty to dissolve it. And as soon as he was free, he scampered, crying and relieved in more ways than one.

The two of them watched Casey go, and Wade twirled the ring for the grenade on his finger. "Wasn't even a real grenade," Wade said quietly long after the SR people had run out. He sighed heavily and then tossed the grenade out the window … and before they could get to the door, an explosion rocked the building from the grenade going off on a car below. "Right. That was the other belt. My bad."

"Oh my god, Wade," Kate said, laughing in pure disbelief. "I can't take you anywhere," she teased him and kissed his cheek.

"I know, it's a condition," he said, though he was clearly glaring at everything around them. "You think I'm going to have to kill that one?"

"It's … hard to tell," Kate admitted. "He was a pain, but Brian was the real problem. Casey just did whatever Brian wanted to do."

"I did gather that much," Wade said as they headed out past the flaming car. "Had a real crush on the guy, huh?"

"Yeah, that was my gut feeling too." Kate sighed. "Kinda hoping he finds a guy who's better for him. Kids do stupid things when it's unrequited."

"You mean … like … go to Canada and try to join a superhero boy band but get caught up with the wrong girl, then take an impromptu trip to Madripoor only to find out what real bad dating decisions really look like…" He took a deep breath. "... only to find out that it wasn't nearly as unrequited as he thought?"

Kate smiled and looped her arm through his again. "Yes, like that. Thank God he didn't end up in Hydra or something."

"Yeah… if they ended up on opposite sides, he'd be totally unreliable for the bad guys. Just … surrender when she flipped her hair."

Kate laughed. "Like we've got room to judge. Or wouldn't you fall over backward for your gorgeous healer?"

"Hey. The women in that particular family are very convincing. Yes, my sweetheart would stop me in a heartbeat. And I'm pretty sure if Logan was the good one and K was the bad one, she'd recruit him and he wouldn't look back. Same deal."

Kate nodded, still smiling at him. "And me and Kurt? Who's impossible to say no to there?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes. "Think hard."

"You'd cave," Wade said without missing a beat, then snapped his fingers. "Like that."

Kate burst out laughing. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah … the accent, Kate. You can't fight the accent."

"Okay, while this is true, scenarios where he's evil, he's, like, actual demon evil. Give me some credit!" Kate said, still laughing.

"He'd tell you you're his Leinenkugel and you'd go off farfegnugening in a heartbeat."

"Okay, but sleeping with him and changing sides for him are too different things, Wade."

"I did not say sleeping with him. You'd go be punch-buggy drunk, you pervert."

"Wade, my husband is the sexiest man alive. There will be sex."

"I would hope so, or I'd have big questions on where all those little elflings came from. How many do you two have now? Six, seven hundred?"

"Oh, something like that," Kate laughed. "Come on, I promised drinking, and we have good intel to send off."

"You did. But I have to request it be milkshakes. I'm not much in the mood for the gritty, dark, and smoky outlook on life. Not now, anyhow."

"Fair," she said and squeezed his arm. "Then, if we're getting milkshakes, I'm pretty much obligated to take you to my favorite spot with brownie bits in the bottom of every shake."

"Does it have the big crazy ones in giant mason jars that come with a whole dessert stacked on top?"

"Brownie on the bottom, fudge in the middle… yep. You got it."

"I'm buying," Wade said. "Since you drove."