So.

This took longer posting than I thought it would. In my defense though, real life came at me in the form of a woman running a red light and T-boning my car while I was taking my sister to work.

The bad news: my car was totaled :(

The good news: my sister and I are fine, the procedure with insurance went smoothly, and I now have a new car~

But yeah, it's over and done with. Enjoy this chapter!

"Amigo, amigos, amigos!" Spain rushed over to where France was talking to Italy. Germany and Prussia were nearby with the military-oriented blonde was glaring suspiciously at the Frenchman while the albino was smirking with amusement at his brother's expression.

Whatever was going on hardly mattered to Spaniard, however, as he skidded to a stop before them. "France! Prussia! ¡Necesito tu ayuda inmediatamente! It's an emergency!"

The four other nations looked to him with curiosity until Italy beamed and happily waved. "Hello Big Brother Spain! How are you?!"

"Not now, Ita-chan! I need to speak to France and Prussia right away!" And with that, he snatched each of friends by the wrists and rushed them out into the hallway where they could have some privacy.

Another world meeting had just taken place and they were all at some country just north of America's place (Spain couldn't remember what the country was called). After a full day of discussing global politics (that Spain couldn't be bothered to remember when he had his Roma sitting next to him), Antonio was thrilled to finally have his Lovi to himself.

That is, until Romano gave him horrible news.

"Whoa, what's the deal, Toni?" Prussia inquired with a smirk, not at all concerned despite that the world was possibly ending. "Did you forget to pack tomatoes again? Don't worry, brohas, Canada has them in local markets. You can go get more."

Canada…now I know where we are. Spain shook his head and hysterically exclaimed, "No, no, this emergency is so much worse than that!"

Finally catching on that he was being serious, France clasped a hand on his shoulder and said, "Relax, mon ami, breathe. Gilbert and I can barely understand you. Take some deep breaths and then tell us what is bothering you. What is this emergency?"

Spain did as he was told and only spoke when he managed to calm down a bit. Looking both of his friends in the eye, he delivered the news that was the source of his distress. "Romano is going to a birthday party without me!"

France and Prussia didn't react right away, but Spain knew that they needed a moment to let that horrible piece of information sink in. After all, it was so horrendous and unspeakable and blasphemous and incomprehensible and-

Prussia burst out laughing in a volume that rivalled even America's typical louder-than-necessary laughter. "That's your emergency?! Holy shit! For a second there, I actually thought you had an honest-to-god emergency brewing! But no! Instead you're freaking out because your grumpy Italian boyfriend decided to go stag! Kesesesesesese~!"

Spain's expression fell as France bit back a chortle yet attempted to look sympathetic. "Prussia is right, although I would not have voiced so in such a way. That's hardly a reason for you to be upset, mon cher."

The Spaniard felt the need to become hysterical again. "I have every reason to be upset! My Lovi is going to a birthday party without me, and Netherlands is going to be there!"

That managed to get his amigos to stop laughing. Spain had told them time and time again how he didn't like Netherlands hanging around his Roma. Heck, the last time he caught the two talking at a previous world meeting, he had to refrain from wasting perfectly good tomatoes on pelting the perro and instead asked Belgium to take her brother away.

Sure, Romano was mad at Spain for indirectly interrupting his and Netherlands' foreign affairs business, but it had been worth it.

Every time Spain grumbled about Netherlands and how the perro always somehow managed to get a smile (and sometimes even a laugh) out of his Lovi, France and Prussia teased him for being jealous yet offered support, nonetheless.

Looking at the two of them now, Spain knew that they understood what the issue was. Prussia whistled and commented, "That's rough, man."

France nodded in agreement. "Oui, it is. I can now see why you're upset. I don't blame you; Netherlands is a very handsome nation." Spain sulked. "B-But, err, not as handsome as you, Antoine." France smiled in an attempt to make the Spaniard feel better. "Besides, you have no need to worry. I don't think Netherlands likes Romano that way."

"Ja," Prussia drawled, somewhat amused. "Romano doesn't like anyone—he barely even likes you!—so there's no way he could like that boring pot-smoker!"

Somehow, this wasn't helping.

As Spain continued to sulk, France tried another tactic. "Well, uh…whose birthday party is it anyways?"

The Spaniard considered it, but was drawing a blank. Lovi told me, too—repeatedly—but I just can't remember…

Prussia's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh wait! Is he going to Birdie's party?!" Spain and France gave him confused looks. "Birdie…you know, Canada." A vague image of a blonde figure came to mind… "Ugh. Canada…the country we're in right this fucking second…America's far cuter bruder…loves maple syrup, has a talking polar bear with him…" Growling with annoyance, Prussia looked to France and said, "Your former colony," then said to Spain, "and he was the one I tackled down the first time you wanted to ask out Romano."

Oh that guy! Spain beamed and bobbed his head in realization. "¡Oh sí, sí! That blondie my Lovi was talking to! I remember! Él está tranquilo, ¿verdad?"

"Mon Matthieu! It's his birthday?! Why wouldn't he invite me to his party?" France sulked for a bit before perking up. "Wait a moment…he did invite me! He told me a few weeks ago back in South Africa. Mon dieu…"

Prussia gave him a faint scowl. "Then why didn't you go?"

France gave him a sheepish look and replied, "Because he said that he also invited Angleterre, and I didn't feel like attending a gathering with that uncultured rosbif."

Prussia's irritation eased up and gave way to amusement. "Kesesesesese~ bullshit."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"You know exactly what I mean, Francey-pants. I think we all know you wouldn't mind being at a party with Eyebrows, especially if it involves beer and a place for you guys to have hate sex."

While France sputtered out denials, Spain figured it was time to get them back on track. After all, Romano was still going to that party without him and Netherlands the perro was going to be there. "So, um, amigos? You're both real good friends with the blondie guy hosting the party, right?"

"Ja, for sure!" Prussia enthusiastically responded with a thumb's up. "Birdie and I are the best of friends! He likes being around the Awesome Me!"

"Oh good! So you wouldn't mind, uh, asking him to keep Netherlands away from Lovi, would you? …Or better yet, uninvite Netherlands from the party! ¡Sí! Could you do that for me, ¿por favor?"

"Don't you think you're overreacting, Kumpel? Even if Netherlands actually likes Romano, then he wouldn't know the first thing about flirting. He's a boring mother fucker that way."

"Also, I don't think Canada would kick Netherlands out of the party," France pointed out, recovering from Prussia's accusations. "He is much too polite to do so."

Spain groaned and said, "Then we'll just have him keep an eye on my Lovi for me. I'm willing to do anything to keep Netherlands away from Roma. Maybe that blondie guy will agree to that."

"Or maybe we could do that on our own," France suggested with a glint in his eyes. "Why not just spy on them?"

Now that was an excellent idea. Spain widely smiled and bounced in place. "Oh, that's a great idea! Let's do that!"

"Ja, I'm down for that," Prussia agreed with a mischievous grin. "Let's go spy on the Dutch!"

{~/~/~}

When Canada invited him to attend a belated birthday dinner party, Romano was more than happy to come (err…somewhat willing to oblige, that is). He liked (err, tolerated) Canada and figured he could use a night off (and not because he wanted to prove that he actually had friends or that he liked the maple bastard). Canada had said that the plan was that he and some of the other nations he invited were going to have dinner and some drinks and just chat at a local restaurant sometime after the world meeting.

"Nothing too big," Canada had said earlier at the meeting with a blush. "I, um, doubt anyone's going to come, so I, uh, figured that if no one shows up, then I could just treat myself and say that that dinner was like a late birthday gift to me…"

Well, if that didn't sound sad…

Romano had rolled his eyes and assured that he would be there. And no, the delighted smile on the maple bastard's face did not warm his heart a little.

So, after Romano had told Spain where he was going (and received a surprisingly quiet reaction about it…), he changed into more comfortable clothes and wrapped up Canada's birthday gift.

Holding the colorfully wrapped box, Romano scowled up at the restaurant where the dinner was meant to take place. It looked very Canadian, and he found himself very doubtful of the food it served. After all, he barely trusted food from anywhere that wasn't from his own country (and Spain's…not that Romano was willing to admit that).

Oh, what-the fuck-ever! It's probably better than anything the hamburger bastard's place has anyways!

Satisfied with that 'reassurance,' Romano strutted into the restaurant and looked around for Canada. Spotting him and a few other nations, Romano strode over to their table.

Canada noticed him and smiled. "Oh, hello, Romano. I'm so glad you could make it."

The Italian rolled his eyes, ignored that his cheeks were turning a light pink, and muttered, "I told you I would come, didn't I?" Then he shoved his present over to the Canadian. "Here. That's for you. I didn't spend much time or money on it, so I don't give two flying shits what you think of it!"

Canada softly laughed and hugged the gift to his chest. "Aw, you didn't have to get me anything. Thank you!"

"Well, don't just stand there, Matt, open it!" It was then that Romano actually noticed who showed up: China, Korea, Cuba, Netherlands, and…a panda (Romano got a weird feeling from the six foot something giant panda just standing by their table…). He glared at the speaker, Cuba, who offered him a broad grin. "Heya, South Italy! How are ya?"

Ignoring him, Romano looked at all of the nations and snapped, "How the hell do any of you bastards know Canada?!"

Korea was quick to respond with a bright grin. "Hi there~! Aniki and I," he threw an arm around China in a side hug, "play video games with Matt all the time, da-ze~! You should see how awesome he is at Mortal Kombat and Call of Duty! It's like he's a wizard!"

"Aiyaa! Don't call me that, aru!" China exclaimed as he shoved Korea off. "And yes, the three of us play video games quite often. How do you know Canada?"

Romano rolled his eyes and said, "I actually know who he is for one thing!" He gave Cuba a rather pointed, vehement glare, satisfied to see that it had some effect. Then he glanced at Netherlands and asked, "And what's your deal, bastard?"

Appearing as unperturbed as usual, Netherlands responded, "Canada and I are friends. I send him tulips every year to thank him for WWII." It was then that Romano noticed a bouquet of tulips on top of a small pile of birthday gifts. "It is nice to see you, Romano, especially since it seems that Spain hasn't accompanied you."

Before Romano could snap at him, Canada happily gasped and whisper-exclaimed, "Oh, you got me silverware? It's so nice, I love it!" Canada gave him such a bright, jubilant smile that it lowered Romano's defenses (not because he's a softie! It's just that anyone can't be angry around such as a soft-hearted nation!).

"Yeah sure, whatever, maple bastard," Romano muttered as he took a seat with the others. "I figured you could use some since you're one of the few smart people on this Earth that appreciates good food." Gesturing to some of the utensils, he said, "The spoon's for your ice cream and the knife and fork are for your pancakes…stop giving me that happy look, you jerk! It's a practical gift! I might as well have given you socks!"

Canada chuckled and gently stored away the utensils and placed the box on the table before him. "Even so, I love them. Thank you, Lovino."

"Don't mention it." The Italian waved him off. If the Southern portion of Italy had to be honest with himself, part of the reason he got Canada the utensils was because he was inspired by the chunk of silver that was currently resting in his jacket pocket. The gleam of the silverware reminded him of his own piece of silver, and he somewhat impulsively bought the set, figuring the maple bastard would be able to use them.

The fact that he sort of hoped Canada would get good feelings from the silverware in a manner similar to the pleasant feelings his own silver had given and would continue to give him was something he intended to take to his grave if ever asked.

"Whoa, those look nice," China commented as he and the others looked appreciatively at the gift. "Decorative and real silver. Very nice."

Turning red with embarrassment, Romano defensively snapped, "I got them on sale, bastard! Stop fussing!" Seeing a waiter walk by, Romano quickly flagged him down. "Hey you! Take our orders!"

Although the waiter seemed annoyed by Romano's demanding attitude (and likely by the fact that he spoke Italian rather than English), he still politely greeted them, mentioned something about the day's specials, and asked what they'd like to drink. Soon enough, everyone was ordering drinks (most of them were alcoholic) and asking about appetizers.

As the waiter jotted down their orders, Romano glanced around the table at the other nations (and creepy ass panda that was just standing there) and concluded that these weren't the worst people to be having dinner with.

No fuckface…no hamburger bastard…no Eyebrows…no albino bastard…this might not be so bad after all.

{~/~/~}

Crouching down low, Spain and his friends peeked through the window of the restaurant and attempted to spot the party.

Now, where is my Roma…?

"There they are!" France excitedly exclaimed, pointing to a table positioned somewhat close to the doors leading to the kitchen. "I see Matthieu and Romano with…" He took a moment to examine the other partygoers. "It looks like Cuba, China, Korea, Netherlands…and a panda. Hm, I guess Angleterre didn't show up after all." He pouted.

Soon enough, Spain and Prussia spotted them as well.

And Romano and Netherlands were sitting next to each other.

Clenching his fists, Spain wondered if Netherlands chose the seating positions.

"Everything seems innocent," France remarked. "They look like they haven't even ordered yet."

"The Awesome Me will be so jealous if they start having pancakes!" Prussia licked his lips and muttered to himself, "Maybe I can bug Birdie into making me some later."

"Why would they start having pancakes? It's evening. Also, I would like to think that mon fils would have a more refined dinner to celebrate his birthday."

His amigos were missing the point. "Netherlands is sitting too close to Lovi!" Spain quickly exclaimed. "We need to do something!"

"Relax Toni," Prussia said with a dismissive wave. "I doubt Netherlands will do anything like grope Romano under the table. He's too much of a prude for anything like that. Nein, that's something the Awesome Me or Francey-pants would do! Kesesesesese~!"

While France frowned at the cackling Prussia, Spain was stuck on the image of Netherlands putting a hand on Lovi's thigh—his Lovi—and the Italian blushing as deliciously as he usually did…

"Hey dudes! What are you guys doing here?!"

The Bad Touch Trio flinched and yelped at the sudden voice and turned to see America crouching with them.

America laughed loudly at their startled expression. "Hahahahaha~! Sorry about that, dudes! Didn't mean to freak you guys out! Heroes like me have like a million and one powers and super kick ass agilities, and super stealth mode is just one of them! It's basically inevitable that I was going to scare someone!"

The American laughed a bit more while the Bad Touch Trio regained themselves. Scowling, Prussia grumbled, "What the hell are you doing here, fat ass?"

America stopped laughing, frowned, and was quick to snap, "None of your business! I'm doing some top secret hero stuff that you guys aren't allowed to hear about!"

"…Birdie didn't invite you to his dinner party, did he?"

"Huh? Birdie? Dinner party?" America peered into the restaurant, took several moments to recognize Canada, and beamed. "Oh yeah, huh. Mattie's having that thing today! I totally forgot!"

"Dumb shit," Prussia muttered while France offered the American an understanding smile.

Getting antsy at the thought that Netherlands wasn't getting any further from Lovi, Spain interjected, "Amigos, can we please do something about Netherlands? I don't like that he's so close to Romano!"

"Wait! Are you guys spying on Romano and Netherlands?" America interjected before bursting into laughter. "LMFAO! Why would you want to spy on those lame-o's?! Romano's even grumpier than Britain, and Netherlands is boring as hell! HAHAHAHA!"

Now normally, Spain was a cheerful, light-hearted individual, but no one messed with or spoke ill of his tomate (and to compare him to that bushy-browed Brit was unforgiveable). "Watch what you say, cabrón."

France lightly put a hand on Spain's chest in an attempt to hold him back. "I believe we are all getting off track." Turning to the younger blonde, he inquired, "As much as we all love your company, America, what exactly is it that you're doing here?"

America stopped laughing and turned a light pink. "I'm, uh…doing the same thing you guys are, duh!"

"The same thing?" repeated Prussia. "You're spying on Romano and Netherlands, too?"

"No. I'm spying on…China."

"China?" France quizzically repeated. America only nodded in response and seemed unwilling to elaborate. A quick look between the Bad Touch Trio had them deciding that it was best not to ask. "Oh…well, in that case, it seems that we all have the same goal. I propose that we go inside and commence with more thorough spying. We'll work together on this."

America lightly chuckled. "Heh, right, working together. Sounds like WWII all over again, am I right? Except this time, the kick ass Allies are working with the dummy, fascist Axis people!"

Though Spain wasn't fond of the label, he had calmed down enough to hold back a glaring, affronted Prussia and said, "Alright, we'll spy together. But how are we going to do this? If we get close, they'll all see us."

France pursed his lips before beaming. "I've got an idea! See those bushes there?" He pointed to some thick shrubbery placed in decorative pots lined up to separate the dining area from the doors leading to the kitchen. "We could hide behind there. Those bushes are close enough to the table for us to eavesdrop."

"Yup! That's a great idea that I, America the hero, totally came up with, but that you just happened to say! Let's go, spy kids! We've got some spying to do!" And with that, America burst through the entrance door and rolled across the carpet to hide behind the host podium, leaving behind three nations with "anime-disbelief" expressions.

Maybe Lovi and Prussia have a point whenever they call America a dumb ass. He is kind of a tonto…

Nevertheless, Spain had to smile when Prussia, who apparently was inspired, grinned and exclaimed something in German before he too burst through the door and dove behind the podium in an attempt to look cool. America seemed to approve as he offered the ex-nation a high-five.

I have to admire the enthusiasm, though. I just hope that he doesn't blow our cover.

Unlike their companions, Spain and France entered the restaurant more normally and hid with the American and Prussian. Soon, the four were trying to figure out a way to get from the podium to the bushes without being seen. From how the seating arrangements were set up, they were in China's and Korea's (and the panda's) direct line of sight and were in Canada's and Cuba's peripheral vision.

"What do we do now, amigos?" asked Spain.

"Dudes, I've totally got an idea! One of us should sneak into the kitchen and steal a bunch of waiter uniforms. We'll be all incognito and stuff! France, you'll be my back-up! Spain, you'll be my back-up! And Prussia, you'll be the decoy who probably won't even survive this mission because there's always one of those in the movies-"

"The Awesome Me has an idea!" Then without warning, Prussia snatched a glass from the tray of a passing waiter (much to the waiter's shock) and flung it to the other side of the room where it smashed into the wall with a loud CRASH!

While everyone, including Romano and the other nations, flinched and glanced over to where the glass had broken, Prussia loudly whispered, "Let's go! Move it!" Once he dashed over and dove behind the bushes, his companions followed suit (America literally doing so).

Once they all got situated, Spain smiled at Prussia. "Good job, Gilbert! That was an excellent plan!"

"Oui, very subtle," France dryly remarked with an amused smile.

While Prussia lavished under the attention, commenting on his 'awesomeness,' America pouted and muttered, "My plan would've worked too…"

{~/~/~}

"What the fuck was that?" Romano muttered as he and the others stared at the spot where a glass had apparently been thrown into the wall.

"…I have no idea," Canada replied. "People are, um, usually civil and non-aggressive in my country…"

Eyes glowing with delight, Korea exclaimed, "Hey wait, can we throw stuff in this restaurant?! Is this that kind of restaurant?!" Korea then grabbed the centerpiece of the table and prepared to throw it.

"E-E-Eh?!" Canada immediately shook his head while China grabbed onto Korea's wrist and yanked the centerpiece away. "N-No! This certainly isn't that kind of restaurant! Don't throw stuff, please!"

"Are there even such restaurants?" Netherlands inquired. "It seems…wasteful and counterproductive."

"And dangerous and stupid," China added. "Besides, who would waste perfectly good dishes?"

"You'd be surprised," Cuba commented.

Rubbing his temple, Romano grumbled, "People are fucking stupid. Whoever threw that cup better pay for that shit." The waiter took that moment to return with their drinks. After they all toasted to Canada and wished him a happy birthday, the group fell into light, easygoing conversation.

"So seriously, what the fuck's with the panda?" Romano felt the need to ask as he glared over at the black and white mammal. "Last time I checked they didn't belong in Canada."

Frowning at him and then at Cuba for chuckling, China said, "Panda is my friend and I invited him to join us. I was lucky enough to run into him after the meeting." China smiled up at the creature, getting it to pat his head.

What. The actual. Fuck.

As Romano gave the Asian nation a deadpan stare, Netherlands looked to Canada and asked, "Speaking of, where's your bear?"

Canada took a sip of his wine and responded, "Unfortunately, Kuma…something had to stay home. This place doesn't allow pets…in fact, I'm surprised they even let Panda in."

"If they try to kick him out, they'll have to answer to me," China was quick to say.

Shaking his head, Romano turned to Netherlands. "So, where's Belgium? I figured you would've invited her."

"She was tired, so I dropped her off at the hotel so she could rest. She sends her best though."

{~/~/~}

Spain stiffened and frowned as his Lovi and Netherlands talked. He slowly raised his battle axe, only for France to gently put a hand on his wrist to slowly put it down, shaking his head.

Fine. I won't use my axe for now. This was a very hard decision to accept, especially since Roma and Netherlands were still sitting next to each other.

Maybe I'll just use the axe to saw off the legs of Netherlands' chair instead…

{~/~/~}

"You know, Romano," Canada addressed him, "you could've brought someone along with you if you wanted…like Spain or Italy. I wouldn't have minded."

"You would have if I had brought my idiot brother with me. He would've given you a fucking migraine with how much and how fast he talks." Romano snorted and shook his head. "And I had a feeling that you were going to invite the pot bastard, so if I would've brought the tomato bastard, then Dutch Oven here," he jerked a head over at said Dutchman, "either wouldn't have come, or the two would've tried to start another Eighty Years' War."

"I wouldn't have stayed if Spain had come," Netherlands immediately stated. When Canada faintly grimaced, the Dutchman somewhat softened. "No offense, Matt, but I can't stand him and I'd rather you have a nice birthday."

Canada nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "I, um, guess I understand. Thanks for coming by the way…all of you," he addressed the entire table. "I was happy when you all accepted my invitation and actually showed up."

"Ey, no problem, man," Cuba said as he raised his beer glass in a toast.

"We were happy to come," China added as Korea happily (and quite repeatedly) bobbed his head up and down to a point where Romano wondered if the breast-grabber's head would snap off.

"Hm, speaking of invitations, I would think that you would have invited America, England, France, and Prussia," Netherlands pointed out. "The first three are basically your family-"

"Unfortunately," said Romano and Cuba simultaneously as China nodded in agreement.

{~/~/~}

Prussia had to cover both France and America's mouths when they each made noises of offense.

{~/~/~}

"And I am under the impression that you and Prussia are good friends," Netherlands continued without blinking. Romano groaned at the thought of the maple bastard (who was one of the lesser bastards he could tolerate) being friends with the albino bastard (who was almost as bad as the potato bastard and the fuckface combined).

{~/~/~}

Huh. Spain never realized that Prussia was good friends with that quiet blonde.

He looked over at his companion and smiled at the look of sheer pride and undiluted happiness on Prussia's face.

Hmmm…I guess Prussia must be better friends with America's brother than I thought. How nice~ No wonder Prussia calls him 'Birdie.' It's like how I call my Lovi a 'tomate.'

{~/~/~}

"Oh," Canada began, "well, I did invite them, but England didn't want to go if France was going, and France didn't want to go if England was going. I'm guessing that they each thought the other was going, so that's probably why they're not here…and I think Al just forgot."

Romano didn't like the wistfully sad look on Canada's face (not because he cared about the maple bastard, but because it looked pathetic—that's why…), so he felt the need to say, "I'm glad none of those bastards showed up! The tea bastard's a stick in the mud, the fuckface is a pervert, and the hamburger bastard is fucking annoying…and they all smell bad!"

"Smelling good was invented in Korea, da-ze~!" Korea felt the need to announce before he looked to Netherlands and grinned. "You probably invented smelling bad!" He then leaned on the table to get into Netherlands' space and invasively sniff him. "You smell like skunk, da-ze~!"

While China swatted Korea and scolded him for being rude, Cuba chuckling at their antics, Romano couldn't help quipping, "That's because the pot bastard smokes the Devil's lettuce on a daily basis!"

{~/~/~}

Spain had to fight from laughing. His Lovi was so funny~!

It also helped that that perro, Netherlands, was basically being roasted. Something about his tomate was taking a jab at Netherlands was just very satisfying.

It seemed that his companions thought so too because Spain noticed that they were just as amused. Prussia had to clamp a hand over his own mouth to keep his boisterous laughter at bay. America was muffling his own laughter by sticking his head into his bomber jacket, despite that he had just been insulted (see? I'm not the only one who can't 'read the atmosphere').

France, on the other hand, wasn't very smiley. He appeared quite distressed and kept muttering something about smelling like roses.

…Maybe he doesn't know what the 'Devil's lettuce' is. I'll have to explain it to him later.

{~/~/~}

Seeming somewhat disconcerted by Korea's proximity, Netherlands slightly tilted away and changed the subject. "Right…and what of Prussia?"

A red-faced Canada cleared his throat and replied, "Well, uh, I invited him…but he insisted that he and I celebrate alone…"

Outraged, Romano snapped, "Don't tell me you agreed to that?!" Canada blinked. "Oh shit, you did. Fuck! Don't you know that if the albino bastard wants you alone then he wants to 'seize your vital regions' all over the goddamn place?!"

"Seizing vital regions was perfected in Korea-" China bonked Korea on the head to shut him up.

"I have to agree with Romano, aru. It is very strange that Prussia would want to spend time alone with you. If you two do sleep together…" Out of nowhere, China procured a small basket filled to the brim with treats.

Giving Canada the basket, China winked and said, "Then these treats will rejuvenate you so that you can regain the energy you need to go as many times as you want."

Well, that was an image he didn't need…

While Romano grumbled and rubbed his temples, Canada turned a dark, flustered red and the others were grinning in encouragement (except for Netherlands who was as stone-faced as he usually was…on second thought, that was likely his 'encouraging' face…).

Cuba clapped the Canadian on the back. "Good for you, Matt. Prussia's a fun guy. You could've definitely done worse."

"Hey Aniki? Can I say that that basket was from both of us? I mean, you copied the treats from what I already invented in my country, so the least you could do is put my name on it…and reimburse me with either a bunch of gift cards or by buying merchandise from my country."

"I'M NOT GOING TO REIMBURSE YOU BECAUSE THESE TREATS CAME FROM MY COUNTRY!"

"Calm down, you're making a scene," Netherlands calmly commented. Then he turned to Canada and said, "And if you and Prussia are going to be intimate, then I recommend using protection. I have nothing against him, but you never know."

"And have clean sheets ready, da-ze~!" Korea chirped in. "Sexy times usually means dirty times~!"

Why in the hell are these bastards encouraging this?!

A look at Canada showed that he was so flustered and red-faced that he couldn't form a coherent response. Romano narrowed his eyes and groaned.

Goddammit, do I have to be encouraging too?! Matteo is too fucking nice for the albino bastard!

…

…

…Well, shit. Spain's too nice for me. Maybe there's some stupid trend going on where couples have one nice person and one bastard…

…

…Goddammit!

"Chigi! If you're actually going to do it with the albino bastard, then here!" Romano stuffed his hand in his back pocket, grabbed a few of its contents, and held out a few condoms. Granted, this did not mean he approved of Canada with Prussia, but… "Because like hell I'm going to be friends with a maple bastard who's been poisoned by the albino bastard's stupid German germs! That kraut probably has sex cooties just for being German!"

{~/~/~}

"I'M PRUSSIAN, YOU-!" Spain immediately grabbed onto Prussia and yanked him down when he attempted to stand up while France quickly covered his mouth (as well as America's who found the insult to be hilarious).

{~/~/~}

What the fuck?! Did I just hear the albino bastard?!

Romano looked around suspiciously and noticed the other nations doing so too.

"Did any of you just hear Prussia?" Cuba inquired with a confused frown.

"G-Gilbert?" Canada glanced around the restaurant, looking a bit too hopeful for Romano's tastes.

Shit, maybe Matteo actually likes potato bastard #2. I don't approve of that bull crap! Romano noted the happy glow in Canada's eyes as they scanned around for Prussia. Rolling his own eyes, the Italian pouted. Dammit! It looks like I don't have a goddamn say if the albino bastard actually makes the maple bastard happy.

Though the thought made Romano feel an odd mixture of annoyance and warmth, he comforted himself by mentally promising that if Prussia ever hurt Canada, then Romano could easily make him pay by calling up the mafia on his ass.

Now that image made him smirk.

{~/~/~}

"Calm down, Gilbert, be quiet," France urged the fuming Prussian. "The last thing we need is to get caught."

America snickered and remarked, "Hahaha~! You really have cooties, brah?! Because seriously, dude, what the heck?!" The blonde continued to laugh until Prussia knocked him flat.

Nevertheless, Spain ignored all of this as he stared at the condoms in his Lovi's hand.

I hope the blondie doesn't take those. I'd like me and Roma to use them.

{~/~/~}

"You guys don't think Prussia's sneaking around the place, do you?" Cuba inquired.

"I don't see why he would," Netherlands remarked. "There is absolutely no reason to, especially if he and Matt are going to socialize later."

Stop reminding me. Romano groaned and took a long drink of his wine and then swiped Korea's once he finished.

"Maybe we're all just hearing things," China mused. "Did you hear anything, Panda?" The panda shrugged. Romano shuddered and took another drink. "I didn't think so. Let's just ignore it and get back to the conversation." Glancing at Romano and the condoms in his clenched fist, he asked, "Did you just have those in your pocket, aru?"

Romano nearly choked on his wine and turned a bright red.

Cuba chuckled and quipped, "Hey, it's always good to be prepared, ey my friend?"

"Shut the fuck up! This isn't what it looks like!" Romano snapped as he shoved a few at Canada and then stowed the rest away in his pocket.

Still looking flustered beyond belief, Canada tentatively placed the condoms on the table and pushed them to Romano. "U-U-Uh…thanks f-for these, but um, they're, err…not necessary, eh. G-Gil and I a-aren't…" He couldn't continue and his face turned red.

Glad to see that I'm not the only one whose face looks like a goddamn tomato when blushing.

The stray thought got Romano to think about his Spaniard lover and wondered what he was doing. I'll bet if he were here, then he'd be prattling on and on about tomatoes and stupid embarrassing shit. He'd probably hug that stupid panda, Romano threw a glare at the panda, and coo about how the albino bastard would think Canada's red face is cute. Moron.

Romano scowled, wondering why in the hell he was missing the tomato bastard when it hasn't been that long since they parted.

Canada caught his look and tilted his head.

"Hey, Aniki? How do you think people who are allergic to latex have sex? I mean, they can't use a condom, da-ze~ Do you suppose they just live dangerously and have wild sex with no protection?"

While Cuba cracked up at the notion, China flustered and exclaimed, "Why would you ask me a question like that, aru?!"

"I'm just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Netherlands deadpanned.

"Proverbs and murdering were invented in Korea, da-ze~! Just don't announce that last one!"

"Aiyaa! Have you no filter?!"

As the Asian nations squabbled with Cuba and Netherlands (and Panda) watching, Canada turned to Romano. "Hey Romano, are you okay?"

Lovino startled and then pretended that he didn't (because he totally wasn't; Italian bad asses don't flinch). "What kind of question is that? Of course I'm okay!"

"Oh, sorry. It's just that you look sort of pensive. If you're, uh, not having a good time, then you can leave. I don't mind."

Ugh, Matteo needs to stop being so damn nice and grow a pair.

Romano groaned. "Relax, maple bastard. If I was bored as fuck, then I would've left already. Despite your weirdo company," he raised a brow at the other nations (and random, creepy ass panda), "I'm not having a shitty time."

Canada really needed to stop smiling so brightly like that. The sweetness of his smiles were overwhelming. "Well, I'm glad to hear you say that! I know there are a lot of things you'd rather be doing…like Spain."

Romano blushed what was probably his brightest red yet.

{~/~/~}

Prussia burst into laughter, which was quickly smothered by an amused America. "Yeah, go Birdie! Make those dirty jokes!"

France actually had tears glinting in his eyes. "I'm so proud of mon petit Matthieu. I have raised him well."

Spain was starting to like this blondie more and more. He offered some great ideas.

{~/~/~}

Canada realized what he said and fiercely blushed. "U-Uh, oh! I…I didn't mean…I, err, meant that, eh, I meant to say 'spending time with Spain.' I…I didn't…" Canada groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Maple leaf."

After checking that the other nations didn't hear that, Romano rubbed a hand over his face, hoping to wipe away the redness. "You spend too much damn time with the albino bastard. His perverted jokes are latching on to you."

To his surprise, Canada lightly chuckled. "I don't know. His jokes are pretty funny. I guess when you spend a lot of time with someone, you're bound to pick up some of their mannerisms. I mean, you probably know a bit about that since you and Spain got together, eh."

"What the hell does that mean, jerk?!"

"I don't mean any offense. I just mean that you've become a bit different since you and Spain started dating."

Romano raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest. The maple bastard needed to explain himself. As far as he's concerned, he's still the same Italian bad ass that he knew himself to be.

Catching on to his silent question, the blonde cleared his throat. "Well…it's just that, judging by, uh…those," Canada gestured to the condoms without looking at them. "I assume that things are going well for you and Spain?"

Romano pretended not to be stunned by the question and, not for the first time, wished that he could control whether or not he blushed. "Uh, yeah. It's going as well as it could be, I guess…but these mean nothing!" He gestured to the condoms. "Don't get any ideas, bastard!"

"Um, trust me, the last thing I want is to imagine why you have those in the first place…" Canada's face darkened. "But, uh, anyways, so you're happy with Spain? I mean, you seem happy."

"What the hell? I'm never happy!"

"I, uh, suppose so, well not in a traditional sense, anyways…but I mean you seem…" he paused to think about what he wanted to say. "You seem less angry. I notice that when you and Spain sit together at the meetings, you're less likely to hit someone or cuss them out. I mean, uh, you're still your usual self, but I guess you seem more…tame with Spain. I just assumed that that meant you're happy." At Romano's scowl, Canada flustered and hurriedly said, "U-Uh, no offense, eh. I hope I didn't come off as rude."

The Southern portion of Italy rolled his eyes and grumbled, "Chill the hell out, you jerk. It's not like I'm gonna bite."

"Well…that's just it though. I feel like you normally would have yelled at me by now, but you haven't. I feel like ever since you and Spain started dating, you've been, well, happy." Canada gently smiled. "It's like I said before, being around someone for so long…there's bound to be some changes. I've noticed some positive ones within you…and in Spain, too."

Ignoring the butterflies that were certainly not in his stomach, Romano couldn't help but ask, "And what changes do you see in Anton…the tomato bastard?"

"Um, well, it's hard to explain, but he seems more focused now. I mean, not on the meetings, per say, but more so in a general sense. It's like you gave him a purpose. Also, strange as this may sound, he's a lot happier, too. It seems that you make each other happy." Canada gave him a smile.

Romano bit his lip (because he may or may not have needed to hold back a smile). "Tch, anything makes that ditz happy-"

"But you make him incomparably happy," Canada quietly pointed out.

Damn it, the supposed non-existent butterflies were winning. Against his will, a small yet genuine smile faintly graced the Italian's lips. "Yeah, well…that idiot makes me pretty damn happy, too."

Canada was barely able to let out a quiet 'aw' when a loud coo was heard and Spain unexpectedly sprang up from the bushes positioned near the table. The nations jumped up and watched in shock as he rushed over to a startled Romano and scooped him up into a hug.

"¡Oh mi amor! That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard! ¡You make me muy, muy, muy feliz también! You make me happier than ripe tomatoes growing in the gardens and the sun rising from its starry siesta and fresh-baked churros and Austria and Turkey getting punched in the face and-"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" Trying to shove Spain away wasn't working, so Romano had to resort to punching him in the face. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, BASTARD?!"

Spain, being the ditzy bastard he always was, wasn't even remotely deterred and hugged him again, somehow even tighter than before. "Spying on you, of course! Mis amigos and I were hiding behind those bushes watching you at this dinner party!" He pointed over to the bushes where he had emerged from.

"No, we're not!" Romano heard America's voice blurt out.

"Shut up, arschloch!" Okay, that was potato bastard #2, which meant that the fuckface was there too.

"Mon dieu, you all are fools." Ah, there he was. "Le sigh, we might as well reveal ourselves."

"No way, man, we don't have to! Heroes never get caught when they're spying! They probably don't notice a thing!" And seriously, what was America of all people doing there?!

My dipwad boyfriend better not consider the hamburger bastard his friend!

"We can hear you, Mr. Consumerism!" Cuba snapped as he glared at America.

China leaned over to look behind the bushes, frowned, and shook his head. "And we can see you now, too. You might as well stand up. You're probably freaking out the poor waiters."

France, Prussia, and America stood up, some more sheepishly than the others. Korea beamed at them and waved.

Canada blinked at them. "I thought I heard you, Gil."

Prussia grinned and winked at him. "Ja, and you were right, Mattie! That was my sexy voice you heard earlier!"

"What are you all doing here?" inquired Netherlands, seeming unfazed for some reason. "Why were you spying on us?"

"That's what I'd like to know!" Romano shouted, trying to pull away from a clingy Spain who was pressing (loving yet highly distracting) kisses to his cheek. "What in hell's name are you bastards doing spying on us?!" The Italian was so ready to punch each of these bastards (not because he was embarrassed that they heard him say…certain things, but because they were interrupting the maple bastard's get-together).

"If you must know," France smoothly responded, "our reasons were perfectly justified. Spain needed to keep an eye on his beloved Romano to protect him from any unsavory characters around here."

"You bastards are the only unsavory characters around here!" shouted Romano, not giving any shits about whether people were looking their way or not. "Who the fuck spies on people?!"

"Awesome people, of course!" America and Prussia exclaimed simultaneously, their smiles falling as they frowned at each other.

"There is nothing awesome about spying on people, aru," China chided.

"Awesomeness was definitely invented in Korea! You all can't deny that!"

"Nein, you're absolutely wrong! It was invented the moment the Awesome Me arrived on this earth!"

"Now I know you're high, dude! The moment the limey and French losers found me was the day that awesomeness was born!" America flashed an award-winning smile and gave a thumb's up.

Who the hell is he posing for?

"Okay wait," Cuba interrupted. "I get why you three are here," he glanced at the Bad Touch Trio and then turned to America with a glare, "but why are you here, Super-Size-Me?!"

Everyone looked to America, who tried to continue smiling even though it was clear that he was growing nervous.

"Why were you sneaking around, Al?" Canada softly inquired. "You know I invited you, right?"

"Uh, heh, yeah I know, I just, uh…" America continued to sweat until he spontaneously blurted out, "Russia's here in the panda costume!" Then he unexpectedly grabbed Panda by the head and tore it off, revealing a smiling Russian nation.

"Hello everyone," Russia calmly greeted, ignoring everyone's shrieks of shock.

"What the crappola?!" Romano cried out as he clung to Spain (who he was using as a human shield, not for comfort and protection). "Were you just here wearing that panda costume the whole time?!"

"Da," Russia simply said.

America heartily laughed. "See! I told ya! I saw the commie bastard put on that sweet ass panda costume after the meeting, so I had to see what he was going to do with it! Even with all my heroic senses, I didn't realize that he was secretly trying to attend your party, Mattie! Haha~! What a loser! He didn't even get invited!"

"I was not trying to crash Canada's cute little dinner party, if that is what you're thinking, comrade," Russia stated, looking suspiciously calm. "I was merely here to study China's activities."

"You were trying to sneak up behind my backside again?!" a horrified China exclaimed.

"Da," Russia replied, not seeming the least bit apologetic. "I was curious as to what you do in spare time. It is nice to see that you have friends to spend time with."

America interrupted with nervous laughter. "So, uh, you were, err…here to spy on China? Heh, how weird…"

"How is that weird?" Spain inquired, utterly confused. "You said that you were doing the exact same thing. I mean, you lied about it, but still."

As China looked to the spluttering American in horror, Korea cheerfully exclaimed, "Wow, Aniki is so popular he has two stalkers~!" Looking between America and Russia, he waggled a finger. "You guys can follow around China all you want, but remember, his breasts are mine, da-ze~!"

"China has breasts?" Russia actually bent down to peer at China's chest. "I did not realize that you are a girl, China."

"I am fully male!" China indignantly cried out as he crossed his arms over his chest and took a few steps back.

America abruptly stepped in-between the two, laughing off-key. "Yeah right, man, you're probably a chick! It would explain so much! Hahahaha~!" He didn't seem to mind that no one was laughing with him. Romano would've punched him had Spain not been clinging to him.

France looked to America and slowly asked, "America…why would you lie about spying on China when you were really here for Russia?"

America sweat-dropped and nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Well, uh, ha-ha…that's a real funny story…a true story too! I was, uh…" His eyes darted around nervously as he whined a bit. "Uhhh Spain was here to spy on Netherlands! Focus on that distracting, totally true fact while I make my escape!" Then he darted out of the restaurant.

The remaining nations watched him go with varying degrees of disbelief.

It was Russia who broke the silence. "I am quite flattered that America was spying on me. I don't think anyone but Belarus has ever done that before. I do hope that America doesn't feel left out that I haven't spied on him back…lately. Perhaps I should start."

"Please do!" China hurriedly exclaimed, hiding behind Korea.

"Okay, I suppose I will. Might as well begin now. I will be seeing you all at next meeting, da?" Everyone gave him a wide berth as Russia contentedly followed after America.

Romano noticed that everyone was considerably more at ease now that the vodka bastard was gone.

Canada sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "And here I thought having a birthday dinner was a nice, calm idea…"

Grinning, Prussia threw an arm around Canada and pulled him close. "Don't worry, Birdie. The Awesome Me will make sure that you'll have a much more awesome time with me than with this shit storm."

"I'll rain a shit storm on your head, potato breath!" Romano snapped. "No molesting the maple bastard! I forbid it!"

Smirking like the asswad he was, Prussia pointed to the condoms on the table (and well now shit, Romano needed to take those away from the public eye). "You didn't seem to forbid it earlier."

Oh, how Romano would love to smack the arrogance off of Prussia's stupid face.

"I feel that we need to backtrack a bit," Netherlands interrupted before Romano could do so. "If America is to be believed, why were you spying on me?" Romano was surprised when the pot bastard actually hardened his gaze at Spain.

His Spaniard returned his look with a scowl. "That is none of your business, perro."

"It is my business since I was the one being spied on."

"Maybe you have a reason to be spied on." Romano was definitely not turned on by Spain's assertive tone (okay, so maybe he was just a little…).

"U-Uh, guys…?"

"Hush, Birdie. Let them measure their Schwänze for a bit."

What the hell is the albino bastard talking about?

"I have done nothing to warrant any suspicions," stated Netherlands as he narrowed his eyes. "I was merely enjoying an evening out to celebrate a friend's birthday. I was even friendly to Romano, despite his poor choice in partners."

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Romano snarled as he wrenched himself free of Spain. "Does it even matter?!"

"Actually, it kinda does-"

"No one asked your opinion, Cuba! Okay, you three," Romano pointed to each of the Bad Touch Trio, "I don't care why you were spying, but if you ever do it again, then I will poison you with the tea bastard's food and then leave you all tied up at Russia's place with a sign that says you want to become one with him!" The three of them paled as Romano rounded on Netherlands. "And you! Let it go! So what if they spied on you?! Seeing how you've done jack-shit today, then I doubt these idiots found out anything juicy!

"And you!" Canada straightened up when Romano gestured to him. "If you want to keep your party going, then I suggest you come up with another plan because it looks like we're about to be kicked out!" Sure enough, a Canadian man who was likely a manager was striding over to them.

Before the man could say anything, Romano held up a hand. "Don't say it. I know you're about to kick us out; I know the goddamn routine. We're leaving."

Canada hurriedly apologized to the annoyed manager and handed him some bills before gathering up his presents. "E-Eh, right. Let's go. I, um, know somewhere else we can go." He offered a small, awkward smile to the Bad Touch Trio. "U-Um, bye you guys…I guess we'll all see each other again…"

After China, Korea, and Cuba followed Canada out the door, Romano looked to a lingering Netherlands. "Now, pot bastard."

Netherlands hesitated before sighing in aggravation and making to walk out, not before muttering, "I would still like an explanation."

"Oh cry me a river. I'll get one later and consider telling you about it. But for now, how about you be a good friend to the maple bastard and offer to pay for the first round of drinks that we're all going to need?"

"What of dinner?"

"It's on me. You can even get the most expensive dish and dessert."

What could've been a smile quickly flickered across Netherlands' face before he nodded. "Fair enough. See you in a bit." He patted Romano on the shoulder before leaving the restaurant.

Guess that means he and I are still square and that he still tolerates me.

Hardening his expression, Romano turned to the Bad Touch Trio, satisfied to actually see squirm under his gaze (as they should). "Remember what I said: follow us and you will be puking all over Russia's doormat." Then he glared at Spain.

"Um, Lovi, I-"

"We'll talk about this later. I'll see you back in our room. You better have one hell of an explanation, an even better apology for Canada, and a shit ton of tomatoes for me."

Spain looked to the floor dejectedly and replied, "Sí, Lovi. I'm sorry."

Romano sighed and shook his head. "Right. See you later." However, just so Spain wouldn't think that Romano was too pissed at him, he vaguely gestured to the condoms still left on the table. "Pick those up and hang on to them. I'm not letting them go to waste."

He turned and hurriedly left the restaurant just as Spain looked up in surprise. He caught the tail-end of France's suggestive chortles and Prussia's wolf whistling as he caught up with the other nations.

And dammit, his face was red again.

As you can see, I had a little too much fun with this chapter~ We got to see a hint of the subtle pairings (and hey, I finally debuted RusAme!), and I may or may not have made Romano a secret dom!

See y'all next month!

Translations:

Spanish

Amigos- friends

¡Necesito tu ayuda inmediatamente! - I need your help immediately!

perro- dog

sí, sí- yes, yes

Él está tranquilo, ¿verdad?- He's quiet/shy, right?

¿por favor?- please?

tomate- tomato

cabrón- bastard

tonto- idiot/dumb ass

mi amor- my love

muy, muy, muy feliz también- very, very, very happy, too

German/Prussian

Ja- yes

bruder- brother

Kumpel- buddy

Nein- No

arschloch- asshole

Schwänze- Dicks

French

mon ami- my friend

mon cher- my dear

Oui- yes

Mon dieu- My god

Mon fils- My son

mon petit- my little

Italian

Chigi! - Fuck/Shit!

Russian

Da- Yes