Hey all, here's another chapter.

Someone tell Romano that he needs to stop yelling at innocent birds.

Well…it could be worse.

Romano figured that he'd give it five minutes before everything went to shit. He was a bit surprised that an hour into this stupid get-together had passed and no one had gotten bodily harmed…yet.

Once the awkwardness of Netherlands' arrival (mostly) passed, plates were distributed and food was passed out. Even though pasta, pizza, waffles, pies, tarts, and alcohol sounded like the sure-fire way to end up spending a day on the toilet, it sure as hell tasted pretty good.

No thanks to France's stupid wine or Prussia's shitty beer, of course.

There was light conversation as the nations ate, mostly carried by Feli, Emma, the fuckface, and the albino bastard. The tomato bastard wouldn't run his stupid mouth as often as he did, and the pot bastard only talked when his sister prompted him to.

Eventually, the group somehow split into three: Spain, Canada, Italy, and Belgium were talking in one corner (about cooking as far as Romano knew); he was stuck with Spain's stupid friends; and Netherlands and the potato bastard were quietly sitting on the couch, having what was likely a boring ass conversation as they nursed their beers.

Now, Romano would rather gouge his own eyes out than hang with the remaining Bad Touch Trio members, but he promised Spain that he'd try and get to know them better (not that he needed to know anything more about them other than they were perverted bastards) just like his idiotically handsome boyfriend begrudgingly promised to play nice with Netherlands.

He glared over at said boyfriend who was happily chatting with Feli and Emma, cuddling Matteo close and poking his cheek now and then (not so different from how he used to when Romano was a kid). The poor Canadian seemed to have a permanent blush for the day, yet didn't say a thing, not even when Spain and Italy seemed to pass him back and forth like if they were sharing a fucking teddy bear.

Romano scowled as he nursed his own glass of wine (from his country, fuck you very much!). Why the hell does the tomato bastard get to hang out with the lesser idiotas here while I'm stuck with the biggest ones? He glared at France and Prussia who didn't notice, too busy cooing at Silvia and Prussia's stupid bird as they played.

Dammit, of course Silvia would be the type of cat that's fine with birds. I wish she'd eat the little jerk.

"I've got to admit, Grumpy-pants," the albino bastard said as he looked to Romano. "I'm not one for cats since they're completely lame and they scare my Gilbird, but yours and Toni's is pretty damn cute."

"What the fuck did you just call me, you-"

"And I should know because I'm the ultimate expert on cute things! I even made a list of cute things on my blog—that's how legit I am, kesesesese~!"

I'm supposed to be nice to this dumb ass?!

France flipped his hair, randomly scattering a shit ton of sparkles (where the hell did that come from?). "Surely, I am on that list, oui? After all, I am as cute as I am stunningly gorgeous."

And how I am supposed to even tolerate this fucktard?!

"Kesesesese~! Sorry Francey-pants, but you didn't make the cut. The awesome Gilbird is number one on the cute list, then Birdie, then Ita-chan, then Latvia, and then Kumajirou make the top five cutest on the list." The albino bastard then roguishly grinned at Romano. "Don't worry, Kumpel, you made the list, too. You're number eight!"

"What?!"

"I mean, you're cute in your own pissy way, but West was way cuter than you when he was a little tyke, so he's number seven."

France looked to him quizzically. "Then who is number six?"

"Mein kleiner vögelchen, of course!" Gilbert used his beer to gesture over to the maple bastard. "Mattie's so damn cute that he deserves to be on my awesome list twice!" He then petted Gilbird. "So is mein Gilbird! He's number nine." Romano had to refrain from breaking the bastard's hand when he petted Silvia (the only reason he didn't was because Silvia, for some reason, purred). "Die Katze is going to be number ten on the list. Panda bears were there in the first place, but this little furball just made the cut! You're welcome, Kätzchen!"

Silvia meowed in response, getting Prussia and France to coo.

As they should. Romano and Spain's Silvia was the best.

Romano lightly scoffed to himself as he rubbed the feline's head, getting her to purr and then walk over to sit on his lap. Although Romano could admit to himself that he enjoyed her affection, what he didn't enjoy was the cooing getting louder as a result (Prussia even took a picture of them with his phone, the bastard).

He was about to tell them off when potato bastard #2's stupid bird suddenly chirped and flew over to land on Romano's head.

"What the crappola?!" he yelped as the bird made himself comfortable. "Get out of my hair, jerk!" He tried shaking Gilbird off, but the bird remained stubbornly on. "Fine! Stay up there! But if you shit on me, then I'll pluck out all your feathers and make them into a pillow!"

"Piyo~"

"Fuck you too!"

The albino bastard and the fuckface cooed louder, and the former took a few more pictures.

"Shut up, jerks!" he snapped at them before glaring specifically at the Prussian douche. "If you don't delete those pictures, then I'll break your phone!"

"Kesesesese~! Knock yourself out! All my cell phone pictures are automatically uploaded onto the Awesome Me's laptop! These are so going on my blog later!"

"They better not!"

"Except the part where they will! You should be honored that I consider you cute enough to be on my blog at all! Who knows, if you're lucky, I might even move you up on the list! After all, Gilbird doesn't just sit on anyone's hair! He only sits on my awesome hair, Birdie's soft hair, and Kumajirou's furball head. Gilbird must like you—grumpiness and all!"

Romano was this close to grabbing the bird off his head and flinging it at Prussia's stupid face. The only reason he didn't was because Silvia was giving him a look of disapproval, like if she knew what he was thinking.

"I'll still defeather him if he shits on me," Romano grumbled. "And I am not that grumpy, bastardo." Calling Prussia a bastard probably wasn't helpful, but Romano wasn't about to skimp out on the truth.

"Kesesesesese~ Sure you're not. And the sky isn't blue and I'm not the awesomest being to ever grace this Earth!"

"You're not-"

"So, what's got you grumpy this time, Kumpel? Jealous that Toni is cuddling Birdie and not you?"

Romano rolled his eyes. "As if! It's a fucking relief!" He glanced over at them again. "Hell, I'm surprised you're not jealous, albino jerk!"

Prussia initially looked startled before he tried wiping it away with a burst of laughter. "The Awesome Me doesn't get jealous! How lame is that!"

France chortled. "No one believes you, mon ami." Then he threw a wink a Romano. "I think Gillie isn't bothered because he knows that Antoine and little Italy aren't interested in Matthieu. If anything, I'm surprised Germany isn't jealous."

The three looked over at Germany and Netherlands. Although Romano could've sworn he saw the potato bastard raise a brow at Italy when he began cuddling and poking Canada, Germany wasn't paying attention to them now as he talked to Netherlands.

France shook his head as if in sympathy. "Poor, dear Germany. I can see that he longs for the loving embrace of his sweet, little Italy, but his pride holds him back from asking. How beautiful and tragic~"

Prussia chuckled. "You're such an overdramatic priss, Francey-pants."

France stuck his nose in the air with a haughty expression. "I am merely pointing out the obvious. Even you cannot the deny the sheer l'amour in Germany's eyes."

"Hey, I never said you were wrong; I'm just pointing out the obvious, too. You're an overdramatic priss who just happened to notice my baby brother's sappy, eternal love for Ita-chan."

"I'm going to kill you both," Romano grumbled, rubbing his temples. "I'm going to kill you and get the mafia to bury your bodies somewhere where no one will ever find you."

Unfortunately, neither of those perverts took him seriously.

"Kesesesesese~! You're a freakin' riot, Romano!"

"We know you secretly like us, mon cher," France commented with another wink.

"I'm going to get up, put Silvia down, find Spain's battle axe-"

"Besides," the wine bastard interrupted, smirk widened conspiratorially, "you won't get rid of us when you clearly need us~"

"Need you?!" Romano practically screeched. "Like hell-!"

"Oui, of course you do-"

"You can never have too much of my awesomeness!" Prussia cut it with a wild grin. "Without me, your life is guaranteed to suck!"

"That," France tried regaining control of the conversation, "and you're going to need our help when it comes to mending the fences between Spain and Netherlands, non?"

Romano froze before shaking his head. "I don't need jack-shit from either of you jerks."

"Wrong~!" France practically sang. "We, or should I say I, can see that you are frustrated-"

"More like pissed off," the albino douche unhelpfully added. "Don't take all the credit, Francey-pants, the Awesome Me sees the issue, too." He grinned at Romano. "You're pissed that Spain and Netherlands aren't even trying to talk things out. You're all burned up that they're ignoring each other when the whole point of this is for them to get over their stupid grudge and then become friends so that you can have a threesome with them~!"

"Say what?!" Romano indignantly squawked.

"Kesesesesese~! Mein Gott, your face! Priceless!" Prussia continued to cackle even after Romano threw a half-eaten waffle at him.

"Romano!" Belgium called out, sounding appalled. "Don't waste the waffles!"

"You all having fun over there?!" Spain exclaimed, an oblivious smile on his face. Romano was tempted to throw another waffle at him, Emma's feelings be damned.

Hell, the only reason he didn't was because France hurriedly waved him off. "We are having a blast, mon cher~!"

Spain threw them a thumb's up before continuing on with the conversation, grabbing Canada from Italy to poke his face.

Idiota, Romano thought, trying to ignore the swell of fondness in his chest, especially since he's supposed to be angry with the tomato bastard. He glared between him and the pot bastard. C'mon, you jerks! Talk to each other already!

Catching his look, France chuckled sympathetically. "Don't worry, mon cher Romano~ Gilbert and I understand your dilemma."

His perverted expression got Romano to try and take a swing at him. France, the fuckface, deftly dodged him with a chuckle. "I do not want a threesome, you perverts!"

"We know, we know," the French bastard immediately tried placating him. "Gilbert was just joking~"

"Mostly," the Prussian douche said impishly. Romano threw a whole waffle at him this time. He merely peeled it off his face and ate it.

"But alas," France continued, "the problem remains. Dear Antoine and Lars don't seem interested in even looking at each other, let alone in burying the hatchet between them. We must come up with a way to fix that~!"

Romano snorted and glared suspiciously. "Why do you care, bastard? You're the kind of asshole that thrives on drama."

Prussia burst into laughter and clapped an affronted France on the back. "He's got you there, Francey-pants! Good one, Romano!" He raised up a hand, expecting a high-five. When Romano didn't oblige him, he high-fived himself.

Dumb ass. Yet, Romano couldn't deny the pride he felt at the albino bastard's compliment.

Huffing, France crossed his arms over his chest. "Just because I enjoy a bit of romantic drama now and then doesn't mean I thrive on it." He pouted when Romano and Prussia simultaneously snorted; even Gilbird made a disbelieving whistle as Silvia blinked at the Frenchman. "Anyways, I do care about Spain's happiness and well-being, you know. And, well, truth be told." He seemed a bit embarrassed as he admitted, "It was kind of funny hearing him express his jealousy over Netherlands at first, but now…now it's just kind of annoying."

Prussia groaned and rolled his eyes. "I hear you, Franny. It stopped being funny ages ago."

"Funny?!" Romano snapped. "That shit was never funny! It's always been fucking annoying!"

"Ah, oui," the fuckface said 'sagely' (as if that wine-drinking bastard knew anything). "I suppose you do get the brunt of that, don't you, Romano?"

"No shit!"

"All the more reason to help out, ey, Prusse?"

"Kesesesesese~! Ja, I'll be awesome and lend a hand~!"

Romano did not like the glint in their eyes. "On second thought, why don't you two fuck off and take your shitty alcohol with you?"

France laughed as if he told a joke. "Absolument pas, mon cher! Not when there is work to be done~!" He turned to Prussia. "Got any ideas on where to start, mon ami?"

Prussia actually gave this some thought (Romano wouldn't have been surprised if smoke started coming out of his ears) before beaming. "The Awesome Me has an idea~!" Then he shouted, "Hey West, Netherlands! Get your asses over here!"

Both blondes looked to the albino and exchanged a glance before they reluctantly came over.

"What is it, bruder?" Germany asked, exasperated already.

Prussia cackled. "Aw, don't be like that, West! The Awesome Me figured you boring mother fuckers would like to stop talking about drywall for a bit and talk about something way awesomer with us cool cats! Kesesesese~! Get it?! Cool cats?!" He gestured over to Silvia who meowed.

Romano face-palmed and wondered if anyone would truly be bummed if he kicked the albino bastard out. Matteo and Feli might make a fuss, but I think I'd be doing everyone else a fucking favor.

"We weren't discussing drywall," Netherlands began.

"Grass growing then," Prussia exclaimed. "Whatever! It was boring! So, sit down! Take a load off!" Then he corralled Germany into a chair and Netherlands onto the arm of Romano's chair.

What the fuck? Netherlands seemed to share his thought as he and Romano exchanged a raised brow.

The moment Prussia sat back down, Spain suddenly seemed to materialize out of nowhere. Though he was smiling, Romano could see that it wasn't genuine. "Hola, amigos. What's going on over here?"

"Just mein bruder acting suspicious," Germany grumbled with a glare towards Prussia.

"How little faith you have in me, West," the Prussian said with a not-so-innocent grin.

"Well, you are acting rather strange," Netherlands pointed out. "Even for you."

"I always act awesome!" Prussia declared. "You wouldn't get it because you're so lame and boring!"

Romano was seriously considering getting Veneziano to ask the potato bastard to kick his own brother out.

Or maybe I could just leave his shitty beer outside and slam the door on him when he tries to get them back. With some luck, the macho potato might follow him outside, the beer-guzzling jerk.

"But hey, chin up, Kumpel. Some people consider smoking cool, so you're not a total loss."

Netherlands blinked and eyed the pipe in his hand. "Um…alright then."

"So, ja…think fast!" Then Prussia suddenly swiped the pipe and raced to the threshold leading into the hallway. He wiggled the pipe with a mad grin. "Come and get it!"

Although Netherlands' expression didn't shift, Romano recognized his green eyes sharpening as he stood up. "Prussia. Give that back."

Prussia gleefully shook his head. "You'll have to come and get it~ C'mon, you pot-smoking bastard! Come and get your pipe back~!"

Germany smacked his forehead. "Bruder, stop being childish."

Prussia ignored him as he unexpectedly grabbed Spain and France by the wrists and hauled them off into the hallway. "Come and get us!"

Emitting a quiet sigh, Netherlands stood up and wordlessly followed after them.

Groaning, Romano stood up and announced, "That asshat is going to set the house on fire!" He turned to Germany. "Control your idiot brother before I get the hose after all!"

The potato bastard stood up with a groan. "You say that as if I could. If you really don't mind getting the furniture wet, then please, by all means, get the hose."

"What's going on over here?" Belgium came over with a quizzical expression. "Where are they taking my brother?"

"Hell if I know," Romano replied as Italy joined them, Canada tucked under his arm. "The albino freak is up to something and roped my idiot boyfriend and the French jerk into it!"

"Ve~ Maybe they're taking the party to another part of the house!" Italy suggested, the dumb ass. "Our house is so big! Ooh~! Ooh~! Let's check the bathroom first!"

"Why the hell would they be in there?!" Romano snapped.

Any reply was cut off by the slamming of a door. As everyone whipped their heads over to the hallway, Prussia and France burst back into the living room with matching smirks.

Romano immediately shouted, "What did you asswads do?!"

"Solve your problem, of course~!" Prussia exclaimed with a proud grin. "We locked Toni and Netherlands in one of the rooms! You're welcome~!"

There was a beat of silence before Romano exploded, "You did what?!"

"Why'd you do that?" Canada quietly asked.

France flipped his hair. "Isn't it obvious? Those two weren't going to make nice without a nudge." The look he gave Prussia was both irritated and bemused. "Although I would've gone with a different approach."

"Ah c'mon, Franny! You have to admit that it's an awesome plan! Those two will be talking and making up and making out in no time! Kesesesese~!"

France groaned and rubbed the space between his eyes. "I don't even know why I ask for your help anymore. Your so-called plans always lack the most basic form of subtlety."

"Subtlety is for suckers!"

"Shut up!" Romano commanded as he stormed towards the hall. "It's a stupid plan! Where did you lock them up?!"

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up, Romano!" Strong arms suddenly wrapped around his waist to hold him back. "Hear the Awesome Me out!"

"Let go before I stab you with a fork!"

"Just give it a chance!" Prussia exclaimed, avoiding Romano's flying fists. "It'll work, I promise! West! Birdie! Tell him that it'll work since all my plans are awesome!"

"Locking people in rooms is not okay," Germany insisted.

"Why did I even ask you? You're a stick in the mud! Birdie! Back me up!"

"…"

"…That hurts me, Birdie, that hurts the Awesome Me."

Romano threw his head back and was satisfied to hear a crack and Prussia's yelp of pain. Then he charged into the hallway to look for Spain and Netherlands. Several pairs of feet soon followed behind him.

"Cher Romano, please!" France pleaded, reaching out for him only for Romano's death glare to make him think twice. "As big of a cliché as it is, even I'll admit that locking our copains in the room might be the only thing that'll get them talking. They'll have no choice but to talk out their issues!"

"Ve~ I think we should listen to Big Brother France, fratello! Big Brother Spain and Netherlands will never talk and become friends if they continue making angry faces at each other!"

"It's still not appropriate, Italy," Germany chimed in. "Locking people in rooms against their will is inhumane."

Romano ignored everyone, however, as he strained to hear his idiot Spaniard boyfriend. Sure enough, he soon picked up on the sound of a doorknob rattling and spotted a chair pressed under the knob of Silvia's room.

"¡Hola, amigos! You accidentally left me and Netherlands in here! Let us out, ¡por favor!"

If Romano wasn't so pissed, then he might've been endeared.

Angrily sighing, Romano made to remove the chair before a hand grasped his shoulder. He whirled around, ready to hit Prussia or France, and realized that it was Belgium.

"Hold on, Romano. I think these guys have a point."

Romano was too stunned to speak for a moment before he snapped, "Say what?!"

Belgium held up her hands and offered a sweet smile. "Hear me out, sweetie. We both know how stubborn my big brother is, especially when it comes to Spain. I had a feeling he would need a nudge to talk and work things out with him. Now, I had already planned to put some major purchases on his credit card that I would only remove until he agreed to be civil to Spain," she held up Netherlands' credit card as indication, "but this plan might be better, especially since now Lars won't be mad at me~"

Romano and the other nations stared at her in awe before the fuckface ruined the moment (as usual). "Wow, that was so ingenious that I should have thought of it. Ohonhon~ very sneaky, mon cher Belgium. We should get together and plot together once in a while."

Before Romano could tell him off for being a pervert, Netherlands' voice sounded from within the room. "Don't even think about it, France."

"¡Amigos~!" Spain's voice sounded relieved and happy. "Thank goodness! Can you let us out?! I think the door might be stuck!"

Romano sighed before leaning against the door. "I hate to say it, but your so-called friends did it on purpose."

"What?!"

"How did you not realize this?" Netherlands asked exasperatedly.

"It's for the greater good," Prussia insisted, pinching his bruised nose. Canada tutted, swatted his hands away, and began to examine the injury.

"He's fine, maple bastard," Romano said impatiently before calling out, "Spain!"

"Lovi~!"

Dammit, why does he have to sound so happy?

Romano ignored how his cheeks blushed and how the other nations threw him knowing looks and snickers. "Listen, dumb ass, your friends set you up. They locked you and the pot bastard in the room so that you two can get over yourselves and talk out your stupid issues."

Spain gasped. "Lovi! You set us up?!"

"It wasn't my idea, dipshit! Your bastard friends thought this was a good idea!"

"Hey, it wasn't my idea," France whined.

"It is a good idea," Prussia insisted. "Scheiße, Birdie, careful! My awesome nose is still tender."

Romano flipped them both off before tugging Canada over to Italy to cuddle further, to Prussia's dismay. "Listen, both of you. At any point during this stupid dinner party did you even plan to talk to each other?"

Their silence was answer enough. Romano ignored France and Prussia's pointed looks and muttered, "Of fucking course."

"U-Uh…" Spain spoke up, "I was, um, going to talk to Netherlands…eventually…"

"Big fucking lie," Romano and Prussia simultaneously stated.

France chortled before addressing the door. "Although I must admit that Belgium's plan was miles better than Prussia's-"

"Hey," the albino douche irritably whined.

"-this will have to do. No offense, Antoine, but it seemed that you needed a nudge. And Netherlands…for shame, cher. I thought you were the more mature one between the two of you."

"I take offense to that," Netherlands said.

"Sorry, Big Brother," Belgium stated, "but France has a point."

"Can you really blame me? Being the bigger person is exhausting. Besides, I see no point in changing what Spain and I already have. If he's comfortable disliking me, then I have no issues with it."

"What makes you think you have to be the bigger person?!" Spain exclaimed. "I think I needed to be the bigger person considering everything that's happened!"

"Then why weren't you?"

"Don't you be questioning me, perro! I was just…waiting for the right time!"

Already past his limit, Romano growled and slammed his fists against the door. "If you two asshats don't talk then I'll go in there and strangle you both!"

"Kinky," Prussia quipped. When Romano turned his death glare to him, the douche immediately hid behind Canada and Italy. "Not my awesome face!"

"Come here and receive your ass-kicking like a man instead of hiding behind my idiot brother and the maple bastard like a coward!"

Prussia promptly hid behind Germany. "Go for West first! You hate him more!"

"East!" Germany roared.

"Everyone be quiet!" Everyone immediately shut up at Belgium's shout. Despite the sweet smile on her face, even Romano, in all his bad ass Italian macho glory, knew that meant jack-shit and could only hope she hadn't lost patience with him.

With that smile still on her face, Belgium announced, "So, while Lars and Spain have their little talk, the rest of us are going to go back to the living room and continue eating. There are still plenty of waffles, and I'm dying to try those butter tarts and have a slice of pie~ Now, tut, tut, back to the living room everyone! Be nice, Big Brother, or I'll max out your credit card~!"

Then she none-too-gently grabbed France and Prussia by the ears to drag them away. Germany seemed somewhat impressed as he followed, tugging Italy along who tugged Canada along. Romano flipped off the potato bastard when the kraut raised a brow at him. However, the big blonde jerk wouldn't leave and stood at the end of the hallway to wait for him.

Rolling his eyes, Romano said, "Alright you jerks, you heard Emma. At least try and play nice. You don't have share friendship bracelets, but I expect you both to gang up on the fuckface and albino douche once we get out. And do not kill each other. If I see one thing out of place in there, then I'll train Silvia to scratch out your stupid faces!"

"Piyo~!" Prussia's bird flew off his head to peck at the door before going back into his hair.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING UP THERE, JERK?!"

{~/~/~}

Spain blinked at Romano's angry shout, having no idea who he was yelling at. He glanced at his own feet, confirmed that he was still on the ground, and looked to Netherlands to see that he wasn't 'up' anywhere either. He wasn't even standing on the bed.

Strange…

Spain tried opening the door again. "Lovi? Mi amor, can you please let us out? I'm, uh, not sure how to feel about this."

"Too bad!" Romano irately snapped. "You should've thought of that when you two decided to wuss out!"

"We didn't wuss out," Netherlands insisted. "I fully intended-"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Remember what I said and remember that Emma has your credit card!" It was strange and somewhat satisfying to see Netherlands look mildly disconcerted.

"Don't kill each other!" was his Roma's finally warning before he stomped away from the door.

Leaving Spain alone with Netherlands.

Grimacing, the Spaniard mused, Damn. I really don't want to do this…but I promised Lovi I'd try and I'd hate to disappoint him…or get my face clawed off.

Absently rubbing his face, Spain considered ways to break the ice. Be nice to the perro. Be nice to the perro. Be nice to the perro.

"I like that painting."

That…was unexpected.

"Huh?" Spain looked to Netherlands who was looking at Romano's painting, the one he had given to him so long ago.

Netherlands was giving it a mild expression as he studied it. "Even though the paper looks old, the colors are quite vibrant. Is that your garden?"

This was…strange. Spain wasn't sure what to make of this conversation, yet he was happy to talk about anything related to Romano.

Mustering a smile, Spain said, "Sí, it is. Lovi painted it for me years ago, when he was still my colony. It's good, right?"

Netherlands inclined his head. "It is. Perhaps I should ask him to stop by and paint a portrait of my greenhouse some time. It'll be nice seeing my tulips captured in art."

Like hell his Roma was going to Netherlands's place.

"Lovi's not interested," Spain was quick to declare as he crossed his arms over his chest. "He doesn't like tulips anyways. Only lilies…and red carnations."

Actually, he wasn't sure about that last one. The only time he's seen Romano with his country's national flowers was when it was Spain's birthday back in February. His Lovi had been so cute holding out a bouquet to him, blushing and grumbling about how they were 'on sale' and having 'no clue' that they were his national flower.

But Netherlands didn't need to know that. All he needed to know was that he liked Spain, not Netherlands.

The perro finally turned around to look at him. One of his thin eyebrows was raised. "Is that so? I grow lilies in my greenhouse, too. Perhaps he'd be willing to accept a bouquet as payment for painting my tulips."

"No one is allowed to give my Lovi flowers," Spain growled. "And he's not going to your place."

Netherlands was infuriatingly calm as he put his pipe to his lips. "Shouldn't that be his decision to make? Boyfriend or not, you don't control him."

"I would never control him! My Lovi is a beautiful, independent spirit and is free to do what he wants…except be anywhere near you!"

"Why are you so against the two of us talking? Though you and I have had our differences, you must know that I would never harm Romano." He took a drag of his pipe before breathing out a bit of smoke. "Besides, going to war with him and Italy is much too expensive. I wouldn't want to have to commission Switzerland for use of his guns."

The thought of political problems between Netherlands and Romano never crossed Spain's mind, but he made a mental note to bargain with Switzerland later, just in case.

Maybe the man will accept tomatoes and wine as payment for never alliancing with Netherlands…

Pero, I am off track.

Shaking his head, Spain growled, "It is not harm that I fear from you. I worry about the opposite."

Netherlands seemed confused for a bit before understanding lit within his eyes like a match. "You believe that I have romantic feelings towards Romano."

The fact that it was a statement rather than a question just proved to Spain that Netherlands did like his foul-mouthed Italian.

Oh, how he wished they were in his room so he could retrieve his battle axe from under the bed and wield it at this Italian-stealing perro.

"So, you admit it!" Spain snapped. "I knew it! Romano kept insisting that you weren't interested, but I am not known as the country of passion for nothing! I've seen the looks you give my Lovi and how you always want to talk to him! You are in love with him, and I will not stand for it! Romano and I are together and I love him and he loves me and I will never let a cabrón like you steal mi amor away from me! I would rather get my ass kicked by Turkey and Austria than to ever let you declare your love to Lovi!"

Not one to get angry or go on a tirade, Spain found himself heavily breathing after finishing his rant. I have no idea how Roma has the energy to do this all the time. Maybe I should ask him for tips.

Netherlands didn't reply right away and stared at him for the longest time. Spain figured that the Dutchman was plotting how to steal his Roma away from him. I will not let this diablo win. There wasn't much in this room to use, but Spain figured using Silvia's kitty litter box would be a good a weapon as any.

"I'm not in love with Romano," Netherlands said, plain and simple.

"Don't deny-"

"I'm not," the Dutchman insisted, seeming mildly ruffled. "I appreciate Romano's companionship. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Why should I believe you?!"

"Don't you think Belgium would've told you if I did have feelings for Romano?"

Spain was struck speechless. Belgium was one of his good friends and among the few that was a consistent friend throughout the centuries of fighting, conquering, and global changes. In all the time they've known each other, Emma has never lied to him about anything. She was kind and considerate, but she never refrained from the truth even if it was guaranteed to hurt him.

She just delivered the news nicely.

But…

"That…That doesn't prove anything. I'm sure you don't tell Emma everything. I mean, I don't tell Portugal everything."

"That's because Portugal has always thought more about himself than about you."

Netherlands' statement was completely out of left field and was said so sincerely that Spain was at loss for words and thoughts.

"And besides," the Dutchman continued, unaware of his effect, "Emma often knows me better I do. If I actually had romantic feelings for Romano, then she would've known before I did. But, rest assured, I don't."

In the silence that followed, Netherlands turned back to Romano's painting and smoked his pipe a bit. Spain, on the other hand, studied him.

He desperately wanted to believe Netherlands, truly he did. Not only would it make things easier, but Spain hated feeling jealous. It was an ugly emotion, and he didn't like who he was when the green-eyed monster took over.

Netherlands sounded sincere, and Spain knew, deep down, that Belgium would've said something if he had feelings for Romano.

However, he had to be sure.

"Why don't you have feelings for Romano?"

Netherlands paused in his smoking before turning to Spain with a raised brow. "Excuse me?"

Spain awkwardly chuckled and went over to sit on the bed. "I mean…yeah…how come you don't like like mi Romanito? You've known him nearly as long as I have, so surely, you've seen what I've seen. You see how handsome and smart he is and how he's fierce and independent and has a secret soft side and how when he smiles at you that you can't help but feel you've witnessed something rare and precious-"

"I get it," Netherlands interjected. "And I recognize all those attributes. The difference between you and me though is that these attributes appeal to you on a romantic level whereas they appeal to me platonically." He took a brief drag of smoke and blew out a ring. "I treasure Romano's companionship in a way I don't quite with others."

I can't tell if I like the sound of this so far…

"But that's mainly because I have very few companions to speak of."

…Oh.

Netherlands looked away from him and spoke to the painting. "Romano is among the few I know who doesn't expect anything from me, as a nation or as an individual. It's refreshing…especially since he and I actually get along. And it helps that Belgium is fond of him as well."

He turned back to Spain, his expression blank yet his sharp green eyes sincere. "I care for Romano, yes, but I see him as a friend, not as a lover. Even if he wasn't spoken for, I still wouldn't be romantically interested in him. Believe me or not, it doesn't matter much to me."

Netherlands paused to smoke and blow out a few rings. "As his friend, I care about him and his happiness. I wasn't pleased with what happened at America's party," Spain grimaced at Netherlands' narrowed eyes, "but I'll admit to being relieved that things worked out between you two."

Well…that's surprising.

"Really?" Spain voiced aloud. "You were?"

Netherlands inclined his head. "Yes. Despite my distaste for you, Romano seems happier around you. When he's happy, he shouts less."

Spain emitted a startled laugh. "Sí, I suppose that's true. But, um, do you really think he's happier with me?"

"Yes…I can't fathom why, but it's true. Anyone else can tell you the same."

Sheer elation flooded through Spain, and he couldn't resist surging forward to embrace Netherlands. "¡Oh, gracias~! What a beautiful thing to tell me! That's one of the best things you've ever said to me…actually it might be the best thing!"

"Get off me," Netherlands said simply.

For once, Spain listened and released the blonde with a grin. "Oh, what a relief~! Honestly, I could've sworn you had feelings for my wonderful Lovi, which I wouldn't have blamed you for since he's quite the catch! But that would've sucked if you did like mi Romanito because then I would've had to fight you for his honor~!"

"I'd rather not. Hospital bills are expensive."

Spain laughed and clapped his companion on the shoulder. "So true~! But hey, now that we've cleared things up, we should set you up with someone~!"

Netherlands raised an eyebrow. "That's not necessary-"

"But it is! That way I have a little extra security, you know~!"

"No. Besides, truth be told, I'm not even sure if I'm even capable of such feelings." Netherlands took a brief smoke of his pipe. "Romance has never appealed to me in the way it has for others, nor have I ever developed such feelings for anyone. Perhaps that ought to be your security."

Spain, however, was flabbergasted. "Wait, what? You've never loved anyone before?"

"No. I love Belgium and even Luxemburg, but that's the sort of love for siblings."

"B-But…But amor! You've never felt it before?! That's so sad!"

"…Not really, no. I can see how romance might be good for other people, but I don't see the appeal for myself. No one has ever struck my fancy, nor do I think anyone ever will." He shrugged and took another drag. "That's fine by me, though. Everyone is different."

"But…But I don't know what I'd do without love. Don't…Don't you feel like your life lacks meaning?"

"No. My fulfillment comes from gardening and living frugally. Besides, I have all the love I need from Belgium and Luxemburg…and from friends like Romano and Canada. What more could I ever want?"

Spain was blown away. Love was such an integral part of his life, especially now that he and Romano were involved. Even before Romano, Spain imagined falling in love with a beautiful woman or a handsome man and had even gone on a few dates, hoping to find that special connection.

The fact that Netherlands was happy without it…

But I get what he means about having the love of friends. I was always happy with mis amigos. Even if Roma and I never fell in love, then I think I would've been happy with just his friendship.

Feeling a sense of awe for his fellow European nation, Spain offered a soft smile. "Sounds like a pretty good life to me."

"It is," Netherlands replied. "Now, are we good? I still find you annoying, but I'd like to think this particular matter can be put to bed…and I'd like to stop talking to you now."

Chuckling, Spain nodded. "Sí, definitely. Let's ask the others to get us out~"

As the two walked over to the door, Netherlands inquired, "Do you suppose they'll actually let us out? They might not believe us if we say we've worked things out."

"Hm…that's very true…" Then Spain grinned. "But I think I have an idea."

{~/~/~}

Romano was not antsy.

Just because his eyes kept darting over to the hallway and his ears were pricked to hear the faintest sound of murder did not mean he was antsy.

He flinched when a hand rested on his shoulder. Pretending that he hadn't, Romano turned to Belgium. Smiling at him, she said, "Don't worry so much, dear. I'm sure they're just fine."

Romano scoffed. "I'm not worried about those idiots."

"Yes, you are," said everyone at once. Even Silvia meowed and Gilbird (who finally flew out of his hair to rest in Canada's) chirped.

"Shut up!" Romano snapped. "I'm not! B-But if something does happen…" He glared over at Prussia and France. "I'm holding you two asshats responsible!"

Prussia chuckled and waved him off. "Nothing's going to happen! The Awesome Me wouldn't have come up with such an awesome idea if I wasn't sure it would work!"

"Since Prusse takes full responsibility for this idea," France the fuckface began, "then he should be held accountable if anything were to happen."

"Hey!" Prussia indignantly exclaimed. "You were the one who grabbed the chair to press against the door!"

"I was doing damage control for your flawed plan!"

"Shut up!" Romano snapped again. "I'm holding you both equally responsible!" When they tried to protest, he raised his voice. "I said shut up! Drink your shitty beer and wine!" The asswipes grumbled, yet otherwise did what they were told.

Bless Emma for laughing rather than thinking he was an asshole. "Aw relax, Lovi~ Lars and Antonio are good guys. Yes, Toni has a bit of a grudge against my big brother, but I doubt he'll get violent. Besides, Lars avoids injuries to avoid hospital bills. You know how sensible and frugal he is."

"Fine," Romano reluctantly acquiesced as he sat back down. Canada was nice enough to offer him a butter tart and a glass of Italian wine. He muttered his thanks.

A plate of pasta in hand, Italy skipped over and sat with him in the armchair he was currently occupying.

"Hey!" Romano flailed as he and his brother were squished together. "Get your butt away from my butt!"

"Ve~ Belgium's right, Big Brother! Big Brother Spain and Netherlands are probably talking and having a good time~! Just you wait, by the end of the day they'll become friends and form an alliance~!"

Squirming to get comfortable (because he didn't feel like getting up and this was his seat, dammit), Romano grumbled, "I hate this plan."

Italy patted his shoulder. "Oh Lovi, that's okay~ You hate everything anyways~!"

France and Prussia roared with laughter, so Romano grabbed a fistful of Italy's pasta to fling at them.

Germany sighed and went to go clean the mess. "I thought we agreed we'd keep the house clean to the best of our abilities. I expected mein bruder to start food fights, but I figured you'd have restraint, Romano."

Romano wiped his saucy hand on the back of the potato bastard's shirt in response.

As Canada helped pick noodles out of his silvery hair, Prussia laughed and quipped, "That's what you get, West, for assuming the worst of the Awesome Me. I only start food fights when the food makes good ammo. For example, Eyebrows' food is very good ammo."

Then the albino douche snatched a butter tart and stuffed it in his mouth. "But we can't waste this. It's fucking delicious." Canada blushed.

As Romano debated the pros of shaving potato bastard #2's head, he realized that he couldn't hear anything from the hall. Earlier, he could faintly hear Toni's and Lars' voices, but now he heard nothing.

"Romano, I am sending you my drying cleaning bill," the fuckface was complaining, "and then my hair salon bill because my sexy hair is ruined and this sauce is making a stain-"

"Will you pipe down for a moment?!" Romano snapped. "I can't hear anything!"

Veneziano loudly gasped and began shaking him. "Oh no! Big Brother Romano has gone deaf! I knew his shouting would blow out his ears one day!"

"Knock it off, dumb ass!" Romano shoved his little brother off the chair. "I meant that I can't hear Spain or Netherlands anymore!"

This got everyone to pause and listen.

Silence confirmed, Belgium said, "Huh, I could've sworn I was hearing them a moment ago."

"Ja," Germany mused. "Even after Spain was finished yelling, I could still faintly hear him and Netherlands."

"Spain was yelling?!" Romano, Belgium, France, and Prussia exclaimed simultaneously.

Canada blinked in confusion. "U-Um, I thought we were all aware of that…"

"I wasn't!" Romano yelled before pointing at France and Prussia. "You jerks distracted me!"

"My bad," said the albino douche as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Should we check on them now?" the fuckface inquired.

"No shit!" Romano shouted as he sprang up and bolted into the hallway.

The good news was that the chair and door were still intact.

The bad news was that Romano could now confirm that Spain and Netherlands had stopped talking.

Surprisingly, it was Silvia that caught up to him first. She meowed up at him, rubbed against his legs, and then pawed at the door.

The others caught up just as Romano was removing the chair.

"Are they alright?" Canada asked.

"We'll find out soon enough," Romano replied before slamming his fist against the door. "Hey, idiotas! Run your stupid mouths for me!"

Neither idiot responded.

Romano wasn't worried, per say, but it was disconcerting not to hear his obnoxiously cheerful boyfriend say something stupid.

"Lars!" Belgium called out. "Are you two alright?!"

Still nothing.

"Ve~" Italy began rapidly knocking on the door. "Big Brother Spain! Are you and Netherlands taking a siesta?!"

"I doubt they're taking a siesta," Germany mused as he pulled Italy away from the door. "But I don't smell any blood, so it's safe to assume they haven't killed each other."

"If there's pillows in there," Prussia stated, "then they could've smothered each other."

Fuck it, Romano was letting them out. "Spain! If you and the pot bastard are playing a joke then I swear I'll-" He threw open the door and sputtered at the empty room.

The others crowded in behind him, making noises of shock.

"Was zur Hölle?!" the albino douche exclaimed as he began to walk around the room. "They're gone!"

"Impossible!" Germany declared. "Brother, are you sure this is the correct room?!"

"Non, this is it," France replied. "I remember seeing the kitty supplies before we locked them in here."

"Ve~ Are they invisible?!" Italy ran into the room, waving his arms around.

"As someone who's invisible to most people," Canada timidly spoke up, "I don't think so…"

"That's impossible, anyways," Belgium stated. "They probably climbed out the window."

They all looked towards the double windows that were slightly ajar. Romano was the first one to cross the room, throw open the windows, and peer outside.

Of course, there was no one there.

France, Prussia, and Italy were quickest to join him, pressing against him, to his annoyance.

"Hey, Toni!" potato bastard #2 shouted. "Are you out there, brohas?!"

"Antoine! Why did you leave me with these fools?!" France shouted next.

"Pasta~!" Italy shouted after.

Growling, Romano removed himself from the window and stomped off, ready to hunt those idiots down and throttle them.

Belgium, however, stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Hold on, Romano. What's our plan of action here?"

"I'm going to search all of Rome until I find them and then I'm going to drag their sorry asses back here so I can smack the shit out of both of them!"

Belgium lightly chuckled. "I don't think that's necessary. Why don't we just call them and see where they're at? I doubt either of them could've gotten far."

"Ve~! I think I see them!" Romano and Belgium turned just in time to see Italy, Prussia, and France nearly fall out the window, only for Germany and Canada to catch them last second.

Well, they caught Italy and Prussia, anyways.

"Mon dieu!" The fuckface fell face-first into the bushes beneath the window.

"Whoops," Canada said as he pulled Prussia back in and peered over the albino's shoulder. "U-Um, you okay, France?"

The wino burst out of the bushes, covered in dirt, leaves, and twigs. "GAH! My beautiful hair and clothes! They're ruined for sure now!" He spat out a leaf and glared at Germany and Canada. "Why did neither of you catch me?!"

"Je suis désolé, France," Canada said with an apologetic smile.

"Don't be jealous that the Awesome Me and Ita-chan are more important than you, Francey-pants." Prussia cackled as he threw an arm around Canada to hug him close before scowling at Germany. "Although it is so not awesome that you picked dein Liebhaber over your own bruder, West."

Germany glared at him as he absently straightened Italy's clothes. "He's not my-!" He flushed red and shook his head. "Never mind! You three shouldn't have been leaning out the window anyways! You could've gotten seriously injured!"

"Ve~ Sorry, Germany," Italy said with a pout before brightening. "But we had a good excuse to look out the window! I saw Big Brother Spain and Netherlands coming up the driveway!"

Romano immediately stopped snickering at France. "Say what?! They're in the driveway?!"

"Who's in the driveway, Roma?"

Romano and the others jumped in shock at the unexpected voice and turned to see Spain and Netherlands in the doorway. The latter looked nonplussed, as usual, while the former was carrying a large, multi-colored piñata of a horse.

Oblivious to the atmosphere, Spain beamed and held up the piñata. "¡Hola, amigos! Netherlands and I picked up a piñata! Netherlands even managed to get us a good deal, too!" He whipped out another one, a multi-colored star, out of nowhere. "Two for the price of one! And he even got the candy for free!"

Netherlands blew out a puff of smoke. "I don't understand why the sellers were willing to throw out perfectly good candy. It's only a few days expired."

There was a beat of silence before Belgium lunged forward to glomp Netherlands. "There you are, Lars! We were all getting worried about you guys! Where have you been?!"

"The piñata store," was the Dutchman's simple answer.

"Makes sense," was Canada's borderline snarky response.

"So, you mean to tell me," Romano began with an eerie amount of calm, "that you two bastards snuck out of here to buy a piñata?"

"Sí," Spain cheerfully exclaimed. "It was my idea~!"

"To buy a piñata or to sneak out?"

"Both~! I remembered how you always leave the window open so that Silvia could have fresh air. Once Netherlands and I got out, I told him that no party was complete without a piñata. So then we went to the corner store and came right back~!"

There was another beat of silence.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

Spain managed to read the atmosphere enough to make a run for it when Romano ran after him.

[…]

It didn't take much time for Romano to catch up to Spain. When he did, he tackled his idiot boyfriend down. Then he proceeded to sit on his stomach and angrily shout at and pummel him. Spain, of course, found it fun and attempted to kiss him breathless. Romano might've been fine with that if it wasn't for a few things.

1) He was still angry at his ditzy Spanish lover.

2) They were outside in the tomato garden and like hell Romano's neighbors were going to see anything.

And 3) the others had caught up to them.

After a lot of cat-calling and yelling and threatening, Romano learned that Spain and Netherlands had made up. The Italian had been rightly skeptical, yet soon accepted their sincerity.

"So, I won't be getting anymore bullshit from you two?" Romano asked, glaring down at Spain whom he sat on top of.

Spain grinned up at him. "No more bullshit~"

"And no more sneaking out of windows and worrying me, err, I mean, worrying these idiots?"

Spain chuckled and wrapped his arms around his waist. "No más, mi pequeña y hermosa bola de ira~"

"Call me that again, and I'll shave your head in your sleep."

"Kesesesese~! Should we leave you two alone in your angry foreplay?"

"East! Stop being in appropriate!" A pause. "But if you two do plan to, um, to do…that, then we'll all gladly leave."

"…Where's the hose? I'm getting the fucking hose."

"Don't do that. That's a waste of water. Not to mention how atrocious your water bill will be. Speaking of, Belgium? My credit card, please."

"Here you go, Big Brother~! Don't give me that look! I didn't use it!"

"Well, someone has to pay for my filthy clothes and beautiful hair! Look at me! I'm as sloppy as that uncultured rosbif England now!"

"Veneziano! Put your wallet away! We're paying this bastard jack-shit!"

"Ve~ But fratello, you were the one who threw perfectly good pasta at Big Brother France! Now his pretty hair and clothes are all ruined!"

"Pasta!" Spain's eyes lit up. "Speaking of, we're going to need strings for our piñatas!" Spain then shot up, picking Romano up bridal style.

"H-Hey! Put me down, jerk!"

Spain happily strode over to Canada. "Hold Lovi for me, amigo~" Then he passed Romano to the blonde before striding into the house.

Canada was so flustered that he nearly fell backwards, only to be caught by Prussia.

"Kesesesese~ The Awesome Me has returned the favor, Birdie! You're welcome~!"

"Chigi!" Romano managed to untangle and right himself without falling over. Once he shoved Canada and Prussia away, he brushed off his clothes and glared after Spain. "Dumb ass."

"He was always like this," Netherlands pointed out.

Romano recalled him saying something similar that time he read up on Spanish history and found out that the tomato bastard had spent a bundle on him throughout the years. It was as true then as it was now.

Some things never change, do they? Romano couldn't help the rough chuckle that escaped him.

"Hey West! I was so cool today! The Awesome Me made friends with Grumpy-pants Romano! Aren't I awesome?!"

"Although I cannot begin to understand how you did that, I suppose congratulations are in order, East."

"Yay~! Big Brother Prussia is friends with my Big Brother Romano, and Big Brother Spain and Netherlands are friends now! Let's eat more pasta to celebrate!"

"S'il vous plait, no more pasta or any other messy foods! Cher Italy and Romano! Please tell me you have some extra clothes that'll go beautifully with my gorgeous complexion. Also, may I use your shower? I smell like England's basement!"

"…How would you know how that smells, eh? And, um, Gil? I'm, uh, not falling over anymore, so you can, um, let go now…"

"I found some rope~! I also found some spare blindfolds in our bedroom, Lovi~!"

"Don't say that out loud, asshat! And why the hell are you wearing your matador costume?!"

"Why not? I think I look spiffy~"

"Aww, you look so cute, Antonio~! Now that you and my big brother are friends, we should dress up for Halloween together! I've been dying to dress up as a slutty Red Riding Hood~!"

Romano watched as everyone happily chatted amongst one another and rolled his eyes. Idiots…all of them.

And yet, he couldn't help the small, fond smile on his face.

In my Hetalia universe, Netherlands is aromantic asexual. Also, in my Hetalia universe, Korea gets that and is into him. Did I start shipping those two because of my own story? Why yes, yes I did.

I've got the next chapter mostly written up, but as previously mentioned, I'm losing a bit of steam for this story. Don't get me wrong, I do intend to finish, but don't be surprised if my next update isn't next month. The latest I'll have it out will be in April, barring extenuating circumstances.

Wish me luck!

Translations:

Italian

idiotas- idiots

bastardo- bastard

fratello- brother

Chigi!- Fuck!

French

oui- yes

mon ami- my friend

l'amour- love

mon cher- my dear

non- no

Prusse- Prussia

Absolument pas- Absolutely not

copains- friends

Mon dieu- My god

Je suis désolé- I'm sorry

rosbif- roast beef (literal derogatory term for Englishmen)

S'il vous plait- Please

German/Prussian

Kumpel- buddy

Mein kleiner vögelchen- My little birdie

Die katze- This cat

Kätzchen- Kitten

Mein Gott- My God

Ja- Yes

bruder- brother

Scheiße- Shit

Was zur Hölle- What the hell

dien Liebhaber- your lover

Spanish

Hola, amigos- Hello, friends

por favor- please

perro- dog

mi amor- my love

Sí- Yes

Pero- But

cabrón- bastard

diablo- devil

gracias- thank you

No más, mi pequeña y hermosa bola de ira- No more, my beautiful little ball of anger