The week continued on without Rafe. But as I went through the day, Rafe began to fade from my conscious mind. By Friday, how I felt with him had become all but a passing memory. I still missed him, and I still feel blue for it. It's over, a part of me said. No. It wasn't.

Saturday morning came with another unbearable day. I could barely get up. I felt paralyzed, like a night terror. I didn't cry. I just laid there, watching my alarm clock tick the time away. Do something! I thought to myself. Just when I looked down to my mattress for some thinking, the door opened.

"Look, I'm sorry, I…" Before he could finish, and before I could think rationally, I dashed up and gripped Rafe with the largest bear hug ever.

"I'm ready." I cried out. "I'm bi and I'm ready."

He patted me on the back, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry for being pissed at you. I can't do this. I miss you so much." He said, after I had let go.

"I miss you too." I said, the fluttering feeling of my cry emanating through my entire body.

"I know." He said, also in tears. "I didn't mean all of that in the library. It just… went on so fast. I thought you could catch up. I thought you knew what I wanted."

"I guess, we just needed some time apart." He said to me.

Apart. Such a funny word, defined as two being separated, but a and part are still together.

"So, what are we going to do now?" He asked me. "Parade through the cafeteria?"

I cracked up a bit, tears still flowing out of my eyes.

"Kiss on the middle of the quad?"

"Stop it!" I said, giggling.

We stared at each other; the warm morning Sun being reflected by the snow lighting up my room. We still had a chance. I thought. We paused for a while, thinking of a way for compromise. I didn't want the jocks to know, and Rafe would feel better if someone had known. This feeling. Bittersweet.

"We could tell Toby and Albie." I said. "Or, at least, do it in front of them."

"Ew."

"Not that!" I said, smiling. "We can be ourselves in front of them."

"That will work, I guess." He said. "I told Albie about that night. He thinks I'm gay now."

"Okay. Less work for you, then."

"Yup." He said, and silence fell. We sat on my mattress, his head on my shoulder.

"You do know that one day you'll be forced out of the closet, right?"

I thought of that, and winced at the notion.

"Don't worry. Trust me. I will be behind you when it happens." He said, sincerely. "I do owe you for that time in the shower."

Lean forward down the mountain.

My smile grew into a kiss, which landed on his hair. He looked at me, and I looked into him.

"Let's go. I think I'm ready to come out." I said to him.

"I think I'm ready too."

I nervously stood behind Rafe as he was opening the door into his room. It was past lunchtime, and Rafe had texted Albie and Toby to meet in Rafe's room. Only Albie showed up when we entered. We sat down on Rafe's bed, while Albie was sitting on his desk, across the room.

"Where's Toby?" Rafe asked.

"The bathroom." He said. "We did some Scanner Pong yesterday, and he drank a bit too much."

"Vomiting?" I asked.

"No, pissing." Albie replied. I cracked up a bit.

"I think I wanna tell you two in person." I said to Albie.

"Why? What's so important?" He asked. Rafe smiled, and I shrugged. Albie made a confused face, thinking of what we were going to tell him.

"Oh, are you two, like, married now?" Both of us giggled, and I shook my head.

"Close." I said. My nervousness was suddenly gone. Albie's eyes opened wide.

"I knew it." He said. "I knew it, I knew it!"

And as Albie was shouting, Toby entered the room, wearing some weird yellow oversized sunglasses while his weird spikey hair was ruined by sleep. He was, just weird.

"Know what?" he said to Albie, sitting on Albie's bed. "Hey, Ben. Long time no see." He said to me, giving me a wave.

"You too." I said, smiling at him.

"Alright." I prepared myself. "So, Rafe brought both of you because I have something to say."

"I'm…" I swallowed my saliva, thinking of my father's reaction. They're not your parents, Ben!

"I have a boyfriend."

Toby and Albie looked at each other, and looked at Rafe. "You're gay?" Toby asked.

"I'm bi." I said to him.

"Like I said, I'm Albie Gaga. I attract ALL the gays." Albie remarked, making us crack up with a laugh.

"Does anyone else know this?" Toby asked. "Do you know it?" He looked at Rafe.

"Well," Rafe said.

"He's my boyfriend." I interrupted.

The two had their jaws wide open. We both laughed. Then, they laughed. Four of us, laughing, just like in the apple orchard.

"You too?!" Toby asked Rafe.

"Yup. Gay as the day I was born." He said. Albie stared at three of us gay and bi boys.

"Albie. Gaga." He remarked. "Are you gonna tell anyone else?"

"I don't think so. But Rafe says we have to be more open." I said to them, giving Rafe a look.

He replied with his hand on mine, both of our hands compressing the mattress.

"I'll come out some day, I guess." I continued on, "Can't keep a secret forever."

I looked at Toby, the one who inspired me to say 'Fuck It'. He is probably the bravest in Natick, by far. Not afraid of anyone. Not afraid of Steve or Zack or anyone in his life who said: You can't be what you are! So, whenever I thought of my parents, I would think of him, fearlessly being himself. Being Toby.

"What?" Toby asked, noticing my stare. "You want a threesome?"

I grinned at him.

"No. Disgusting." Rafe said, with Toby agreeing. I laughed out loud.

"Okay. Now, nothing in this room will go out there, alright?" I said. "Promise?"

"Promise." The two said in tandem.

I felt relieved. Not only did a weight fall off my chest, they'd attached a balloon to my chest.

I looked at Rafe, who looked back at me.

"I think this can work." Rafe said. "Hopefully."

"Yes." I said, a dumb grin appearing on my face.

We stared at each other, while the two looked at us in silence. I blushed when I remembered the other two was in the room.

"Just kiss already!" Toby said, getting up from Albie's bed.

We laughed again, and I winked at him, and he winked back.

"Well, it was nice, but Ben and I have something to do." Rafe said to them.

"Bye." They both said, and I waved at them. We closed the door, and headed to my room.

"They're the best friends ever." I said to Rafe.

"Agreed." He said.

We spent rest of the day in my room, talking about how we missed each other and what's been happening in our classes.

"You should write down some of your thoughts. All of them are so wonderful." Rafe said, as we sat opposite of each other on our beds.

"Maybe. Perchance."

"Perchance. I think you own this word now." He chuckled, and I laughed back.

"I could go join that writing thing of yours."

"No, no, no." He crossed his arms, saying. "I would just be writing about you the whole class."

I laughed. "I have enough things on my plate anyway."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Ms. Dyson is giving us a small quiz for calc for Monday." I said. "I almost missed her telling us because of you. I can't stop saying this, but I missed you so much. I thought it was over for us."

"Oh, no, never." He responded. "I will never ever, ever leave you."

"Then why'd you avoid me? I couldn't even see you."

"I-I…" He stuttered. "I couldn't bear looking at you." He looked at me, as I was looking down at the floor. "I just felt so bad."

I looked back at him.

"I don't want to feel like this every day, Ben." He continued on. "I want to feel our friendship. I want to feel that philia, and not just eros."

"Maybe, you'll just sleep back to your room?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe." I said, grinning.

"Come over here, you sexy bastard." He said, before opening his arms for a hug.

We spent the night talking about all kinds of things, flirting, old stories, deep topics, personal events. And as the night ticked towards curfew, Rafe eventually left the room, leaving me with my mind.

I did it. I thought, smiling at my image of Rafe. The reward of love was enough for me to fall into deep sleep. And as I woke up for Sunday morning, I felt content. I finally leaned forward and dashed into the trail that is Rafe's life.

Now don't lean back.