To the guest asking if Santana will have an eating disorder.. Nah San has enough problems don't want to add that to it, yes she is very self conscious but that will come out in another way, just wait I hope you will still like it tho.
As soon as one of my running stories are over, I could start one where San has an eating disorder if that is your wish.
Now on to the story.
''So Santana, yesterday you told me bits and pieces why you decided to come to me.'' Mrs Pillsbury slowly starts, she leans forward keeping a hold of the notepad in her lap and looks at the nervous girl in front of her. ''Do you want to elaborate and tell me what is on your mind?''
''I don't know where to start.'' Santana murmurs softly picking on her nails, Mrs Pillsbury smiles reassuringly and leans back in her seat.
''Why don't you start at the beginning? How was your childhood Santana?''
''It sucked, my parents were never really there and I was mostly at mi Abuela's house as long as they worked.''
''Why did it suck?''
''They never spend any fun time with me and every weekend we had to go to church and I had to be at my best. During kindergarten and such they already expected me to do my best and if I ever had a rough day and my teacher told them that punishment was awaiting for me as soon as we got home and that included no dinner or every child's nightmare no playing and immediately going to bed.''
''They never did the typical parents stuff with you? Like going to zoo's and such?''
Santana shakes her head and smiles sadly. ''No never the only fun times I had was with mi Abuela before she moved away.''
''Did she know what they did?''
''No I don't think she ever noticed it, she did notice a chance in my behavior when I was around ten years old and the abuse started but whenever she asked I was too afraid to tell her.''
''Did you ever tell someone?'' Mrs Pillsbury asks softly holding out a tissue as Santana sniffles.
''No well kinda, I confided my secret to Quinn and Emily but told her to never tell someone a promise they held until we all met Brittany. Em's older sister.''
''Judging your smile at the mention of Brittany, something wonderful happened.'' Mrs Pillsbury says smiling slightly, she folds her hands in her lap and lowers her pen after taking a few notes. ''We will come back to that later, want to continue what happened during middle and high school?''
''Well nothing really changed they just became aggressive and set up more rules, when I didn't come home with an A I received punishment like hits from my dad and my mom grounded me. They forbade me to call mi Abuela and I don't have her phone number now so I can't contact her now either I don't even know if she knows that she has a great granddaughter, the abuse stopped when I was pregnant but they tried to force me to abort my daughter.''
''But you didn't.'' Mrs Pillsbury states, Santana shakes her head and gulps wiping away her tears.
''No I didn't and I am happy I did, if it wasn't for my daughter I wouldn't have been here now.''
''What do you mean?''
''The day I found out I was pregnant was the day I wanted to take my life.'' Santana murmurs biting back a sob, Mrs Pillsbury's eyebrows raise up to her hairline and she quickly sits forward looking at the younger girl.
''Santana I know that everything gets better now that your parents and your ex are arrested but I need to say this, suicide is or was not the answer and I hope that you only thought about it once.''
''I didn't.'' Santana murmurs softly, she runs a hand through her hair and sighs. ''I know that it would be the worst solution for my problems but I just didn't see another way to make all the pain stop, I thought about it when I was thirteen but I chickened out and when I was fifteen I wanted to go through with it after receiving another beat down from my parents for getting a C for Arts and well that day I found out I was pregnant.''
''So your daughter saved your life?''
Santana nods her head smiling slightly and sighs. ''She still does in some way, whenever I was down and my thoughts were turning dark she only had to smile up at me and that reminded me why I pulled through.'' She pauses wiping away her tears and sniffles. ''I wanted to survive until graduation to give her the best childhood I can offer her, I might not have enough money but I hope she knows how much I love her and that I will do everything to make her happy.''
''I am sure she knows that Santana, what were or are your plans after graduation?''
''My friends and I decided to stay together and will apply to different colleges far away from here, we are friends since junior year and well our bond is so tight that we don't want to go to different cities.''
''That sounds amazing and I am sure you will graduate with honors, how are you feeling now Santana?''
''You mean after everything happened?'' Santana asks looking at her, she bites her lip as Mrs Pillsbury nods her head and shrugs. ''Kinda relieved but still scared and nightmares still haunt me, I know that they are in jail and that they can't hurt me anymore but those downgrading words still enter my mind every time something good happens.''
''What do you mean?''
''Well my life is changing for the better and I started dating again, but Dani's words that I am worthless and nobody will love me still enter my mind every time my um Brittany does something.''
Mrs Pillsbury raises an eyebrow and smiles slightly. ''Your Brittany?'' She asks, Santana blushes and bites her lip.
''I wanted to say my girlfriend but we didn't clarify that yet so yeah.''
''So the two of you are dating yes?''
Santana smiles nervously and nods her head. ''Yeah we are, we just had two dates but I can see more coming and I can see her being a part of mine or well mine and my daughters future.''
''Why are you so nervous talking about Brittany?'' Mrs Pillsbury asks noticing the change in her behavior.
Santana looks down at her fidgeting hands and gulps. ''Well there is a small age difference between us which will be a problem in our small town if anyone ever finds out, I don't know if she wants to keep it a secret as a matter of fact I don't even know what I want myself.''
''How big?''
''Three years, I will turn eighteen next month and Brittany will turn twenty-one in four months.''
''Does she make you happy?''
Santana nods her head looking up and smiles. ''Yes she does.''
''Then I see no problem here and just like you said you are turning eighteen in a month, I think that you can take your own decisions and will know what is good for you and your daughter and what isn't.''
''Not everyone will think like that though.''
''No that's true but try not to listen to strangers it is your life Santana and if you are happy that is the main priority.'' Mrs Pillsbury leans forward and smiles kindly. ''This session is almost over Santana but I do have one more question.''
''Which is?''
''How are you feeling right in this moment?''
''A bit relieved but reliving everything will cause me another sleepless or restless night.''
''Because of nightmares?'' Mrs Pillsbury asks frowning, she sighs as Santana nods her head and places her notepad down. ''I have an assignment for you.'' She smiles reassuringly as Santana looks up at her in panic and shakes her head. ''Nothing bad, but I want you to write every dream down or every moment that stresses you.''
''Why?'' Santana asks frowning in confusion.
''That gives me a bit more insight of your feelings and how your mind works, your next appointment will be next week Wednesday and Thursday after class you can bring the journal on Wednesday and I will read through it so we can talk about it on Thursday is that okay with you?''
Santana nods her head and bites her lip. ''Yeah that will be okay.'' She slowly stands up slipping her jacket on and sighs. ''Thank you for making time for me Mrs Pillsbury.''
''Oh there is no need to thank me Santana, just remember that though times never last but though people do.''
''I will, see you next week.''
''See you next week Santana.''
Santana walks out of the room after shaking her hand and sighs softly running a hand through her hair, she steps into the elevator after wishing the receptionist a nice day and pulls her phone out sending Brittany a text.
Hey just finished, will be home in twenty.
She unlocks Brittany's car jumping in the drivers seat and pulls out of the parking lot smiling slightly as the radio immediately springs on, she drives onto the highway leaning back in her seat lowering her sunglasses and sighs softly tapping her fingers on the steering wheel as the song changes.
Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence
Has an ending
Like we never had a chance
She smiles sadly recognizing the song and turns it louder, she licks her lips mouthing the words and runs a hand through her hair.
Do you have to
Make me feel like
There is nothing left of me
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
She glances at the radio knowing it's a CD Brittany handed her and gasps softly as she sees the title, she pulls into a parking lot as soon as she drove off of the highway and grabs her phone snapping a picture of it.
She opens the group chat with her friends and sends it to them typing out a message.
Leave it to B, to cheer me up even if she isn't around.
She looks at the picture wiping away her tears and smiles lovingly glancing back at the radio the big bold title still appearing on screen.
You are stronger than you think sweetheart, I hope this song just shows you how strong you are.
She taps through the songs noticing every song has a sentence of encouragement or something to cheer her up and smiles lovingly, she pulls out of the parking lot again as a certain title captures her interest and bites her lip as Fight Song blasts through the speakers.
I've never met such a strong person before and I just want to tell you that I am proud and happy that you are a part of my life.
She sniffles singing loudly not caring that tears are streaming down her cheeks and parks her car in front of the apartment building, she takes off her sunglasses wiping away her tears and bites her lip. ''You just know how to make me feel better Britt-Britt.'' She murmurs softly to herself.
She unlocks her phone tapping the messages she received in the group chat and smiles lovingly at the replies from their best friends.
Fabitch: Oh that is adorable, she is so sweet.
Jake: That is really sweet San, I can see how happy she makes you and that makes me happy for you and for Bell's
Emster: Never knew that my sister could be like this, it's amazing to see and I am glad that you are the receiver of everything San. Love you guys!
She slides her phone in her pocket opting to reply later and jumps out of the car, she jogs into the building after unlocking it and steps into the elevator leaning against the back wall with a soft sigh.
She runs a hand through her hair looking at the numbers passing by and stifles a yawn, she unzips her jacket as she arrives at her floor and raises an eyebrow as Puck stands in front of her adjusting his leather jacket. ''Hey Puck.''
''Hey San.'' Puck exclaims smiling brightly, he quickly hugs her and pulls back. ''How was it?''
''A bit hard but it's just the beginning so had to expect it, you going somewhere?''
''Yeah game night at Jake's, I will be back tonight.'' Puck squeezes her shoulder and smiles. ''Yeah it will be difficult know, but it will get better San.''
Santana steps out of the elevator leaving her hand in front of the sensor and nods her head. ''Yeah I hope so Puck.'' She leans up on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. ''Thank you for cheering me up this morning tho, I really needed that.''
Puck laughs and salutes her. ''Captain idiot always at your service San.'' He smirks as she burst out laughing and steps into the elevator winking. ''Go on in San, I am sure you are dying to enjoy the day with Bella and Britt.''
''Yeah I am, see you tonight Puck have fun.'' She shoots him a smile before the doors of the elevator closes and turns on her heels walking to the front door, she unlocks it walking inside and kicks off her shoes humming softly as the smell of food hits her nose.
''Mami!''
She smiles brightly as her daughter runs into the hallway and crouches down hugging her tightly as she throws her little arms around her shoulders. ''Ola mija.''
''Miss you!'' Bella squeaks out kissing her cheek, Santana smiles standing up with her in her arms and kisses her forehead.
''I missed you too baby girl, how was your day with B and Puck?'' She pulls on the little red dress she wears and smiles lovingly. ''You look pretty mi princesa, did you change your dress?'' She asks knowing she wore a pink sundress this morning.
''Fun, we played and drawed pitures.''
''You drew pictures? Did B hand them on the refrigerator?''
''Si, I show you!''
Santana chuckles affectionately as she struggles in her hold and puts her down, she follows her into the kitchen as she takes a hold of her hand pulling her with her and freezes as she sees the table set with candles, food and a bouquet of red roses in the middle.
''Supise!'' Bella squeaks out smiling brightly as she looks up at her mami, Brittany chuckles softly as she sees the shock in Santana's eyes and walks up to her picking Bella up.
''Thank you for leading your mami into the kitchen little B.'' She turns to Santana and smiles lovingly. ''Hey you.''
''Um hey?'' Santana asks softly, she smiles sheepishly as Brittany chuckles softly and glances at the table. ''What is all this?''
''Dinner!'' Bella squeaks out smiling brightly as she nuzzles her face into Brittany's shoulder, Brittany and Santana both laugh softly and nods their heads.
''Mh dinner is right little B.'' Brittany murmurs softly, she turns around placing her in her chair and reaches out handing her a homemade bread stick. She turns to Santana reaching out to grab her hand and pulls her close, she kisses her cheek near the corner of her mouth after making sure Bella is occupied and shrugs. ''I thought you could use a bit of distraction after the session so Bella, Puck and I made dinner.''
''A date?'' Santana asks softly smiling lovingly, Brittany smiles nervously and nods her head.
''Yeah if you want it to be.''
''That sounds really amazing B and it looks and smells delicious.'' She murmurs as she washes her hands.
Brittany smiles lovingly pulling the chair back for her and mentions to the table. ''Come sit down San.'' She grabs the three plates she prepared as soon as she hears Santana coming in and walks back to the table. ''Mac and cheese with veggies for little B.'' She murmurs kissing the top of Bella's head smiling as she thanks her softly while grabbing her spoon and walks over to Santana. ''And Parmesan risotto with roasted shrimps for us.''
Santana looks at the table biting her lip as she sees the shrimps in a form of a heart on top of the risotto and reaches out grabbing Brittany's hand, she pulls her closer leaning up and kisses her softly. ''Thank you Britt-Britt.'' She pulls back as she hears Bella giggle and leans to the side looking at her daughter with an eyebrow raised.
''Mami happy!'' Bella squeaks out smiling brightly, Santana smiles letting go off Brittany so she can sit down too and nods her head glancing at the blonde.
''Really happy to eat dinner with my two favorite people mija.''
Bella points at the roses with a grin and turns to her mother giggling. ''B, flowers!''
''B bought flowers?'' Santana asks after taking a bite of her food, she smiles as Bella nods her head excitedly and tilts her head. ''Did you help?''
''She did, she pointed these out and they are gorgeous like mami right little B?''
Bella nods her head in agreement and frowns, she turns to Brittany and sighs. ''B?''
Brittany lowers the shrimp she wanted to eat and turns to the little girl as she hears the waver in her voice. ''Yes honey?''
''Yu mami no hurt?'' Bella asks tears filling her eyes, Brittany sighs inwardly as she sees Santana's eyes widen at the question and stands up. She walks over to Bella crouching down beside her chair and reaches out to take a hold of her little hand laying on top of the small tablet attached to the chair.
''I will never hurt you or your mami, little B.''
''Yu promise?'' Bella asks in a small voice.
''Hey come here.'' Brittany coos softly as she sees a tear drip down her little cheeks, she stands up picking her up out of her chair and rubs her back as she buries her face in her neck. ''I promise honey.''
Santana gulps smiling sadly realizing just how much her daughter noticed of what happened and watches Brittany console her, she wipes away her own tears and sniffles softly. ''Brittany won't hurt us mija.''
She scoots over patting the spot beside her as Brittany locks eyes with her and leans forward grabbing her daughters and Brittany's plates, she places them in front of Brittany as soon as she sat down and reaches out rubbing her daughters back. ''Talk to us mi corazón.''
''Yu happy mami?'' Bella asks softly as she pulls back to look at her, Santana nods her head and smiles lovingly.
''I am baby girl.''
''B make yu happy?'' She breaths out looking between both adults, Santana nods her head again and bites her lip.
''B makes me really happy.''
''B yu no hat me?'' Bella asks looking up at Brittany with big blue eyes, Brittany immediately shakes her head and strokes her finger down Bella's cheek with a loving smile.
''I will never hate you little B, you are my best friend right?'' She kisses her forehead as she nods her head and sighs softly. ''I know bad people hurt you and your mami, little B but I won't honey.''
''Yu promise?''
Santana watches Brittany hold up her pink finger knowing what it means and locks eyes with her daughter as she wraps her own around Brittany's showing both just how much she trusts Brittany, she smiles as her daughter links her own pinky with theirs and leans forward kissing her head Brittany's heartfelt whisper reaching her ears.
''I promise.''
''Love B, amo mami.'' Bella murmurs as she cuddles into Brittany, Santana smiles running her hand through her daughters dark locks and kisses her head again.
''And we love you mi corazón.''
''We really do little B.'' Brittany murmurs softly, she runs her hand down her back as she cuddles into her and smiles slightly.
''Do you want to eat some more Bell's?''
Santana leans back as her daughter nods her head and smiles as Brittany adjusts her on her lap so she can reach her plate, she watches her eat her mac and cheese with a happy smile and turns to Brittany smiling sadly as emotional blue orbs lock on her own. ''Sorry.''
Brittany shakes her head intertwining their hands and smiles sadly. ''You have nothing to be sorry about San, talk later?''
''Please.'' Santana murmurs softly, Brittany nods her head and leans over kissing her cheek.
''We will, please eat a bit more.'' She murmurs softly as she sees that she barely touched her food, she leans back grabbing her fork as Santana nods her head taking a bite of her risotto and eats her shrimps.
She gathers a bit of risotto on her fork and turns to Bella smiling slightly. ''Do you want to try little B?'' She holds it up as she nods her head and watches her take the small bite.
Santana covers her mouth laughing as she sees her daughter face scrunch up in disgust and shakes her head. ''I don't think she likes it.''
''Yuck!'' Bella squeaks out grabbing her water to get rid of the taste, Brittany snickers rubbing her back and reaches out for the muffin she bought for Bella.
''Eat this little B, it will help you get rid of the taste.''
Santana chuckles running her hand through her daughters hair and smiles proudly. ''I am glad you tried though, do you want to try a shrimp?'' She snickers as she immediately shakes her head and smiles lovingly. ''That's alright, eat your muffin mija.''
''Yu want?'' Bella asks holding the muffin up for them, Brittany slowly shakes her head covering her little hand with her own and smiles lovingly.
''That is yours honey, your mami and I will eat our dessert later.''
Santana nods her head in agreement and smiles lovingly. ''Yeah that is yours mija, eat it slowly okay? After dinner we can play for a bit.''
''Yu read story for bedtime?'' Bella asks looking up at her mother her blue eyes widening in excitement, Santana nods her head and smiles.
''I will baby girl.''
''Amo mami.'' Bella murmurs softly as she crawls into her mothers lap making sure not to bump against the fork she just put in her mouth, Santana smiles lovingly swallowing the last bite of her food and drops a kiss on her daughters head.
''Te amo, mi princesa.'' She turns to Brittany as she stands up to clear the table and shakes her head. ''I will clean up after putting Bella to bed B.''
Brittany shakes her head and smiles. ''No go play San, I will clean up.''
''Are you sure?''
''I am.''
''B yu say good night?'' Bella asks as she stands beside her mami, Brittany looks down at her ruffling her hair and smiles.
''I will come into your room as soon as your mami will read you your story little B.''
Santana smiles as her daughter squeals and runs her hand through her hair. ''Alright mija, what do you want to play?''
''Dolls!''
Santana laughs and nods her head. ''With dolls it is, come on.'' She leads Bella out of the kitchen and walks down the hall into their bedroom, she watches her run over to the treasure chest Brittany bought for her toys and sits down beside Bella's bed leaning with her back against it.
Bella crawls over to her holding her two favorite dolls and sits down in her lap smiling as Santana takes a hold of the both of them while wrapping her arms around her waist, she tilts her head up looking at her mami and smiles. ''Mami?''
''Mh?'' Santana hums out.
''Is B yu Tia Q and Em?''
''What do you mean baby girl?'' Santana asks confused looking down at her daughter, Bella pouts as she notices her mother doesn't understand her and sighs.
''Yu like B, like Tia Q like Em?''
Santana's eyebrows raise in surprise and bites her lip. ''Um.'' She stops contemplating what to tell her daughter and sighs softly not wanting to lie. ''Yes I do mija.''
''Yay!'' Bella squeaks out smiling brightly, Santana chuckles slowly relaxing and shakes her head kissing the top of her daughters head as she turns back to her dolls.
''You mi corazón are acting much older as you are, I am glad you like it baby girl.''
''Love B.'' Bella mumbles as she continues playing with her dolls, Santana hums softly moving one of her dolls and smiles.
''I do too mija.'' She whispers softly after making sure the door is closed, she adjusts her hold on her daughter tickling her sides as she grunts and smiles as she giggles loudly. ''Alright giggly, what do I have to do?''
''Play hero!''
''I have to play a superhero?'' Santana asks smiling, Bella nods her head looking up at her mami and giggles.
''Si! Like B!''
''B is a hero?'' Santana asks raising an eyebrow, Bella nods her head turning in her mami's lap and wraps her little arms around her waist.
''Si, B safe us.''
Santana smiles lovingly as she sees the adoration in her daughters blue orbs and hums softly, she pulls her closer kissing her forehead and sighs softly. ''That she did mija.''
''We play!'' Bella exclaims holding up her doll, Santana nods her head lifting her hand with the doll up in the air and makes flying sounds smiling as her daughter giggles. She kisses her forehead again as she hears her yawn through her giggle and sighs softly.
''I think it's time for bed mija.''
''Cuddle?'' Bella asks tiredly as she nuzzles her face in her chest, Santana hums softly standing up with her in her arms and walks over to the treasure chest dropping the dolls into it.
She walks to the closet grabbing pajamas and places her daughter in her bed, she quickly helps her change smiling as she sees her already wearing a clean diaper and slides into the bed next to her after grabbing a book.
''What story mija?''