I stare blankly at Haymitch, processing my mistake and unsure of what to say or how to respond.
"So, what, you thought jumping down his neck was a good idea?" Haymitch continues. His arms are crossed like he's angry, but he has a bemused and slightly pleased expression on his face.
"I..." I stutter. "I don't know, I just couldn't take it anymore! He was just pushing and pushing, on both of us, and then it was just too much. I mean, he tried to ask Peeta about the hijacking?! I just couldn't listen to him anymore, couldn't let him push Peeta around. I just...I don't know. I didn't think. I just needed to make him shut the hell up."
"Well you definitely didn't think, I'll agree with you on that," Haymitch says. I scowl at him. My tolerance for irritation has already been used up today, and I'm not really interested in his teasing right now. The way he's acting both as if to reprimand me and as if he finds it all funny is incredibly frustrating.
"Haymitch, can you do me a favor and just make up your mind whether you're mad at me or not? I can't deal with this right now," I snap, exasperated. He puts up his hands as if to plead innocence.
"You're fine, sweetheart," he says, his voice sounding maybe a little annoyed but otherwise alright. "I mean, it was a pretty stupid thing to do, but things aren't like they used to be. You mouthing off and saying something stupid isn't gonna get anybody killed anymore. You just might have to suck up to Plutarch a little the next time you see him, that's all. And I honestly don't know how it'll read to the people watching on TV - it might look good, it might not. Frankly, I don't know if I care anymore. The stakes are lower now." I take a deep breath and nod.
"Good," I say. I feel myself about to apologize, and then pause because I genuinely don't know if I want to or not. I probably shouldn't have lashed out, and certainly not so publicly, but I also don't find myself regretting it. Peeta and I protect each other - we've known this to be true for a very long time now. Plutarch was pushing him, attacking him, making him uncomfortable, and I couldn't have it. Whether or not I should regret it I'm not sure, but I know that I don't.
I turn to look at Peeta. He doesn't look mad, which is good. His face is slightly concerned, but mostly amused.
"What are you thinking?" I ask him. He thinks for a second before answering.
"Well...you didn't need to do it," he says. "And I don't want you to have done anything that could put you in a bad position for my benefit. But, if Haymitch thinks everything will be fine...I'm not mad about it. Not at all." He gives a small smile which I return more fully. Frankly, what I'd really like to do right now is kiss him, but unfortunately I don't get the opportunity because Effie comes hurrying into the conversation.
"Katniss Everdeen!" she shrieks. "What were you thinking?!"
"Sorry Effie," I say without much sincerity in my voice. "I wasn't thinking." She continues chastising me, but I really don't care much. I make eye contact first with Peeta and then with Haymitch, and it's very clear to me that all three of us are doing our best to keep from laughing. This is how Effie shows she cares, and as exhausting as it can be, I can't fault her for it. I love her despite it.
"Well," Effie says after a while, seeming to have tired herself out. "In any case, it's time for all of you to head down the hall for prep. Since it's formal attire for this evening the process may take a bit longer than it has been, so you shouldn't be late." She straightens her dress out and takes a deep breath before going over to deliver the same message to the rest of our group. Johanna catches up to me as I walk towards the prep room.
"Well I must say I'm impressed," she says, and in all honesty she looks it. "I wish I'd been the one to tell old Plutarch to fuck off!" I smile a little but try to hide it, for Effie's benefit if nothing else.
"It was stupid of me, I probably shouldn't have done it," I mutter. She rolls her eyes.
"Don't give me that shit. It was great and you think so too." I give her a fuller smile at that.
We get swept up into the flurry of prep as soon as we enter the room, and don't talk much more about my disaster of an interview. Effie was quite right; prep tonight is much more involved, reminding me more of my time on the Victory Tour than of either of our previous sessions this trip. Venia applies some sort of mask to my face while Octavia sets about repainting my nails and Flavius works on my hair. Unlike these past two sessions where we've all had clothing options, apparently my prep team has chosen outfits specifically for each of us tonight. It makes me slightly apprehensive because I just have genuinely no idea what they're going to be putting me in, but a very large part of me just does not care anymore. Tomorrow I get to leave the Capitol, and my mind is choosing to focus on that liberating thought above all else.
After removing the mask, Venia works on applying makeup to my face and I can tell in an instant that whatever look they're going for tonight is much more intense than anything we've done on this trip thus far. She applies eyeshadow in gold and copper tones and bright red lipstick to my lips. I close my eyes as she works on my eye makeup, but when I open them I see that Flavius has finished with my hair, having put it up into a twisted updo with two strands of hair down and curled on either side of my face. In all honesty, I look nice, but it just doesn't feel like me.
"You look just beautiful!" Octavia chirps, having finished painting my nails a matching red color to my lips. I smile and attempt to thank her, though I'm pretty terrible at taking compliments. "Now come over here, Katniss, and we'll get you into your gown!" My prep team leads me over to a raised platform in front of a mirror, Flavius grabbing a garment bag off a rack along the way.
"The three of us were put in charge of designing the dresses for all you girls tonight!" Venia says, and I can tell the three of them are beaming with pride.
"That's great," I say, smiling back. "I'm sure it'll be wonderful." They all glow at my compliment, and I'm happy to see them so happy. Even if I don't understand a lot of it, they deserve to experience the things that make them happy. I want that for them.
Flavius unzips the garment bag and Venia and Octavia help me into the gown. I gape a little when I look at myself in the mirror wearing the dress. It's not that it's bad, not at all. It looks fantastic, it's just...I hardly recognize myself. The dress is bright red and hits the floor, fitted to my body on the bodice and down my thighs, where it then begins to flare out a little. It has off the shoulder cap sleeves with little cutouts in the middle, and what my prep team informs me is called a "sweetheart neckline". The thing that I'm perhaps most uncomfortable with is that the neckline, which is fairly low throughout, plunges an additional inch or two between my breasts, and I'm not particularly thrilled either that there is a slit reaching mid-thigh on my left leg.
"What do you think?" Octavia asks. My whole team is looking up at me expectantly.
"It's...it's beautiful," I say, and they all seem thrilled. I can't deny that the dress is gorgeous, or even really that I look good in it. It's all just a little uncomfortable to me, the formality and the revealing nature of it all. I suppose, though, that there is almost no dress they could have put me in tonight that I would have been entirely comfortable in, so I just smile and do my best to make them happy.
They put on some finishing touches - including, unfortunately, heels that are several inches too high for my liking - and then I stumble over to the other side of the room to wait for Johanna and Annnie's prep to be complete. They both look beautiful by the time they're done, though in entirely different ways. Annie is wearing a pink slip gown made of some sort of satiny material. Her makeup is all done in corresponding shades of pink, and her hair is cascading down her back in curls. My heart pangs a little as I think of just how dumbstruck and in awe Finnick would probably be if he saw her right now. Johanna's dress is dark green and entirely covered in sequins. It's form fitting to her body almost everywhere, and somewhat to my relief it has an even deeper neckline and higher slit than mine does. Her eye makeup is silver and smokey, and her lips are an almost purple color.
"Well ladies," Johanna says, putting one arm each around my and Annie's shoulders. "Let's go get this shit show over with." Annie and I both laugh a little at that, and the three of us head back towards the hall together.
"You look damn good," Johanna mutters to me. "Your man is gonna flip when he sees you." I roll my eyes, hoping my blush doesn't read too obviously through all of my makeup.
"I'm gonna be freezing," I say in response. It's true; the party is apparently partially outdoors, in the courtyard of the main government building. It's winter and it's only luck that it isn't snowing out, because it's cold enough to be.
"I think someone will find a way to keep you warm," she says, elbowing me in the side and jerking her head towards Peeta, who's standing with Haymitch, Gale, and Beetee in the hallway that has become our meeting spot. I'm about to walk over to Haymitch and tease him for how deeply uncomfortable he looks in his suit when Peeta turns around and sees me, and the look on his face is utterly ridiculous. I swear his jaw drops. I know he loves me, and I know he sees me as beautiful in a way that I have never seen myself, but sometimes it's easy to forget just how much. Seeing it in front of me reminds me of how deeply lucky I am to have him.
"You look incredible," he says, coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Just absolutely unbelievable." He has a stupid smile on his face and it makes the corners of my mouth turn up too.
"You don't look too bad yourself," I say, and it's true. They've dressed Peeta in a suit with a burgundy velvet coat and black pants, evidently trying to match us again in the red color scheme. "I told you mine would be more complicated, though." He laughs at my reference to our earlier conversation, but he never takes his eyes off of me. I see them roving up and down my body, and I feel like maybe I should tell him to stop but I just don't care. If there's one thing I can enjoy about tonight, it's Peeta's reaction. He keeps staring at me and it's hard not to laugh. I want to kiss him, but I just know that Effie will kill me if I've already messed up my lipstick before even entering the party. I'm about to throw caution to the wind and do it anyway when Haymitch interrupts.
"Stop eye fucking each other and come along," he says gruffly. I didn't even realize that our group had begun filing out already, and hurry on to join them as fast as my high heels will allow.
As much as I don't want to be here, I will say the party is absolutely beautiful. The outdoor courtyard is draped in string lights and there are all sorts of arrangements of winter plants around. Much to my relief, heaters seem to be practically everywhere, so I'm not going to catch my death out here in this dress. Effie leads us all into the thick of things and then tells us to go and "mingle". There are cameras interspersed throughout and I try my best to ignore them; fixating on them will only increase my anxiety. Our little group disperses pretty quickly, with different people wanting to go explore different things.
"Want to get some food?" I ask Peeta, and he nods. I hook my arm through his and we head over to a massive buffet. Knowing I'm leaving tomorrow, my appetite seems to have finally returned to something close to normal, and I load up a plate with all sorts of things I hardly have a name for. All of the dishes themselves are tiny, but that serves me well because I want to try nearly everything. I end up covering my plate with everything from a mini goat cheese and tomato tart to a toast with cream cheese and smoked salmon to skewers of some sort of breaded chicken. It is all utterly, unfairly delicious. I make a sound of pleasure as I eat and Peeta laughs at me.
"Shut up," I say, attempting to somehow eat and scowl and laugh at the same time, and not fully succeeding at any of the above. I swallow before continuing. "If there's one thing I can enjoy about being back here, it's the food."
"I couldn't agree more," Peeta says, smiling. "You're just adorable." I roll my eyes and we keep making our way around the space, trying all sorts of different foods as we go.
The night is pretty pleasant and Peeta and I are only interrupted a few times by Capitolites wanting to talk to us. Luckily for me, Peeta is truly skilled at small talk, flattery, and ending these conversations fairly quickly. It makes things a hell of a lot easier for me. We talk, we laugh, we eat, we dance, we drink champagne. Really, it could be far more uncomfortable, and in the scheme of things this is pretty easy. I can't help but notice, though, that as we walk around we are getting some dirty looks from various people who I recognize as members of the Communications and Entertainment Council. I am sure that is entirely my fault, and just try to block them out as best I can.
After a while walking around and chatting, Peeta and I settle leaning up against a balcony near the bar. Within minutes I spot Haymitch at the bar, and when he sees us he makes his way over.
"How's your night going, Haymitch?" Peeta asks.
"It was going fine, and then unfortunately I got cornered by Plutarch," Haymitch says, and I groan a little. "He berated me on your behalf, sweetheart. He sure as hell isn't thrilled with you."
"Sorry Haymitch," I say. I'm still not sorry about what I said, but I am sorry that Haymitch is once again bearing the consequences of my impulsivity.
"Well, it's done now," he says. "Lots of people here aren't happy with you, and the boy too by extension. But it doesn't really matter, none of the people who are angry have any sway in anything substantial." I feel guilt creep up in me at this. I didn't want to bring anything down on Peeta, and I really didn't think that this would have that big of an effect.
"Is there anything we should do?" Peeta asks. "Anything to help?" Haymitch laughs a little at this.
"Nah, kid, what's done is done," he says. "I'm sick of it all, though, so come have a drink with me." Peeta and I head over with Haymitch back to the bar. Somehow during the course of our conversation, Johanna made her way there too.
"Hey idiots," she says, tilting up her glass in acknowledgement.
"Hey," I say. "How's your night?"
"Well the company is terrible, but at least it's an open bar," she says. Haymitch chuckles.
"I've finally convinced these two to partake," he says, gesturing towards Peeta and I. Johanna's eyes light up at this.
"Oh fuck yes," she says excitedly. She immediately leans across the bar and snatches up a bottle of golden liquor from right under the bartender's nose. She takes four small glasses as well, pouring out shots for each of us.
I'm a little hesitant to drink, since I've already had a couple glasses of champagne and sort of reached the place where I usually stop drinking. Still, I wouldn't mind eliminating the voice in my head that's nagging me about the potential consequences of my words during the interview. And there's a small part of me too that is genuinely curious about what the experience of drinking with Johanna and Haymitch together would be like.
"I'll do it if you do it," I find myself saying to Peeta. He shrugs and Johanna laughs, and the four of us clink our glasses together before tilting them back down our throats. It burns and I make a disgusted face, which only increases Johanna's cackling.
"Oh my God that's terrible," I mumble through coughs. Peeta's nodding his head in agreement with me, seemingly too focussed on trying to lose the taste of the liquor to say anything.
"Don't worry," Johanna says, already pouring another round. "The more you drink the less you'll taste it."
Somehow Johanna manages to get us all to take, one, two, maybe three more rounds. I honestly lose track, finding myself closer and closer to "drunk" than I have ever been. I don't really recognize this light, buzzy feeling in my head, but I am finding everything around me absolutely hysterical and I'm having fun. Peeta and I dance a little bit more, and in his inebriated state his already somewhat clumsy nature gets magnified tenfold and I can't stop myself from laughing at him nearly constantly. At some point Johanna even gets Gale to do a round with her, and something about the situation is entirely comical to me. He seems to only agree to do it because of her teasing that she could handle more than him. The stupid compeetitive nature of it all is far funnier to me right now than it really should be.
I also find myself getting increasingly handsy with Peeta. Given how averse I am to public displays of affection, even my drunken actions aren't that over the top considering we're in full view of those at the party and the cameras. Still, I'm far more open than I normally would be in such a public setting, and Peeta seems happy to return every advance I make. As it grows late and the party starts petering out, he and I sway back and forth together, entirely wrapped around each other, his lips on mine and my tongue in his mouth. Johanna and Haymitch seem to take great pleasure out of heckling us, both of them extremely drunk and raucous together.
"It's time to head back to the hotel!" Effie eventually calls. I look around for the first time in a while and see that those in our group are practically the only people still left here.
"How did everyone leave?" I ask, wide eyed. Johanna laughs at me again and I try to scowl at her but I'm not sure if I remember how to scrunch up my face just right anymore.
"Let's follow Effie," Peeta says, and I nod. As we head out onto the street, the lack of heating suddenly makes me very cold. Even though the walk from here to the training center is no more than five minutes, I feel as if I couldn't possibly make it like this.
"I'm freezing!" I pout, and within an instant Peeta's taken off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. I smile, very pleased to have gotten my way. I lean into his side and stumble my way to the hotel, the combination of alcohol and high heels making me very unsteady on my feet. I kick the heels off the minute we get into the elevator, and watch amusedly as a very drunk Haymitch convinces an entirely sober Effie to come up to our suite and hang out with us.
"C'mon Effie!" Peeta and I chorus. "We miss you! We've hardly spent any time with you." She finally concedes, and when the elevator stops in our suite she, Haymitch, Peeta, Johannna, Gale, Annie, Beetee, and I all make our way to the living area.
Peeta sits down on one of the couches and I flop myself down on top of him, placing my head in his lap and letting my feet stick out in the opposite direction. Johanna sits on the arm of the couch next to Peeta. I sort of lose track of where everyone else is, but I know they're somewhere. Haymitch and Effie are on the couch across from us, I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Gale's on Johanna's other side and Annie's nearby too, and Beetee might have gone to bed, I can't remember. Everyone is talking and laughing and it's so nice. I love these people! I can't believe I sometimes forget how much I love these people. They mean so much to me.
"This is so fun," I cry out, and people's attention shifts to me. "I mean, I don't like being here. Here's bad, no offense Effie," I say, slurring my words. "But I like being with you all. I miss you. I don't want to not see your faces." I have honestly no idea what I'm saying at this point, and yet somehow I'm pretty sure it's true.
"I agree with brainless," Johanna says, pointing at me. "Seven is boring when I'm all alone. I like seeing you all make fools of yourselves." I laugh at that and both Peeta and Haymitch nod in agreement.
"Why don't you all come to 4 when we leave here tomorrow?" Annie asks, speaking up for the first time in a while. "I have to get home to Finn, but it would be so nice to have you all visit. You could spend a couple days there and get to know him and see the beach."
"Yes yes yes yes yes!" I cry, and everyone else makes sounds of assent. I vaguely here Effie saying that she'll make the train arrangements for us in the morning. The chatter starts up again as normal. I somehow manage to talk to Annie at length about fish in 4, which seems like it should be completely impossible considering I can barely keep track of my own thoughts. I'm distracted though when Johanna, who's been talking with Peeta, absolutely guffaws with laughter.
"Oh you're so fucking stupid, Lover Boy!" she says, cackling. I look up at her questioningly and Peeta's face, already pink from the alcohol, flushes an even darker shade of red.
"Johanna shut up," he mumbles but she shakes her head, still laughing.
"Lover Boy here has been going on for at least a minute straight about how much he loves your tits, Katniss," Johanna informs me, attempting to make her voice very serious, as if this was an important announcement. For some reason I find myself laughing too, and the two of us just cackle together as Peeta just sits there embarrassedly.
"Peeta Mellark!" Effie cries, sounding horrified at what she's just overheard. "That's hardly an appropriate, gentlemanly topic of discussion!" This only increases mine and Johanna's laughter, and gets Haymitch in laughing at her too.
"Let the boy live, princess," Haymitch says, and shuts her up by planting a kiss smack on her lips. Even Peeta, Gale, and Annie get in on the laughter at that. It's all so absurdly funny, and we keep up like this for hours into the night.
I'm not sure what time it is, maybe two or three in the morning, when I'm so exhausted that it's time to drag myself and Peeta into our bed. Everyone ends up sleeping in weird places tonight, no one fully conscious enough to make logical choices. Annie curls up and sleeps right in her arm chair, Haymitch leads Effie into his room, I lose track of Johanna and Gale somewhere along the way. When Peeta and I reach our room, it takes all the energy I have left just to ask him to unzip my dress and shrug it off before I collapse down onto the bed, still in my hair, makeup, and lingerie from this evening. Peeta strips down quickly before falling onto the bed next to me, and I curl up into him. I can tell from the pace of his breathing and his heartbeat that he's practically asleep the minute his head hits the pillow.
"You're so hot..." he mumbles, and I laugh at him one more time for the night before closing my eyes.
A/N: ooh author's note at the end this time! hey all - first, just wanted to say thank you so much to all of you who are reading/reviewing this story, i cannot express just how meaningful it is to me. y'all seriously make my day and i can't thank you enough. also wanted to say that this was my first time attempting to write a drunk first person narrator, and it was not as easy as i thought it might be! i had a lot of fun w it anyways, but i'm sorry for the delay involved. i *attempted* to keep everyone in character while still having some fun with what they might be like completely wasted, and i think at some points i was more successful than others, but nonetheless i enjoyed writing it and i hope you enjoyed reading it. again, thank you so much for reading this story, and please review if you have any thoughts :) love y'all