[[Garfield]]
Okay, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous. In fact, I was more than a little nervous, I was a wreck. I made sure to look clean cut and cool but I still felt like a nervous little kid getting ready to ask out his crush for the first time. I couldn't believe Tara still had this kind of effect on me.
"Relax Gar, you look great." Victor said, his voice pulling me back into reality. Victor was super supportive of my plan. When Tara cheated on me, Victor was my rock. He was the only one of our friends who didn't abandon me. So this revenge plan was giving Victor a looooot of satisfaction.
"Ya think?"
"Bro, I think you're gonna make Tara regret even letting you go the first time." Victor said, his voice calm and encouraging. He was right! I mean, I hoped he was right. Otherwise, I was gonna look like a gigantic asshole at this stupid wedding. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring.
"That's probably Rachel, I'll get it." Victor said, leaving me to pace around the kitchen. It's funny; the me of three weeks ago would probably never think of doing this, especially with Rachel of all people. But now, I felt confident, especially with Rachel by my side. She knew what heartbreak felt like and just like me, she was eager for some revenge. There was no way in hell this was going to go wrong.
"Earth to Garfield." a voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I quickly turned around and laid my eyes on the most beautiful creature I had ever seen (and I've seen cuttlefish in person so, pretty stiff competition).
Rachel had her short, cropped hair in loose waves that framed her heart shaped face. Her eyes were coated in dark makeup that contrasted sharply against her pale skin and her lips bore dark, red lipstick. She was wearing a black tight, but modest dress. It was simple and might have been plain on any other girl but popped on Rachel. The dress hugged her curves and illuminated her shape and the heels she was wearing made her legs appear even more shapely and longer than they were beforehand. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I was superwhelmed.
"Wow…you really took the whole cool thing to the next level." I finally said, unable to take my eyes off of her. Rachel blushed and shook her head.
"I had a little help from Kori." she replied, modest as always. I nodded, feeling even more confident than I was before. We were totally gonna nail this thing.
"Besides, you don't look too bad yourself." Rachel said, smiling. I beamed at her. At this rate, we'll probably end up looking even better than the bride and groom. Sweet victory. After staring at her for another moment, Victor cleared his throat.
"Y'all look great and all but that's not really gonna matter if you don't get moving and get to that wedding." he said, a wide smile pinned across his face. Rachel nodded and nervously shifted the bag draped over her shoulder.
"He's right, we should really get going." Rachel said, glancing at the clock on the wall. I nodded, but felt slightly disappointed. I just wanted to stay and stare at Rachel for just a little bit longer. Mal must have been an idiot if he willingly let her go.
{{ Rachel }}
The way Garfield looked at me made me uncomfortable. It was like he was looking at me from a different point of a view, a point of view I couldn't get an easy read on. If I had to guess, he was probably spooked about about the whole Trigon thing. I don't blame him, most people would be too. Trigon was notorious in Jump City for the brutality of his gang. They peddled drugs like there was no tomorrow and cut down pretty much anyone who opposed them. They just about turned Jump City into a war zone for years, which I suppose was very unpleasant for the people not in Trigon's inner circle. Still though, it was hard not to feel bitter that my father still had this much of an influence on my life. It'd been a while since I last visited him but I imagine he was doing well, what with all the corrupt guards he paid off to make his jail stint as luxurious as one can possibly make incarceration.
After several pep talks and a twenty minute cab ride involving a little bit of alcohol, we finally made it to the venue that was holding Mal and Tara's wedding. It was absolutely gorgeous and definitely not something I would have ever imagined Mal wanting. The venue was large and imposing, with elegant decor and a stuffy atmosphere. The Mal that I knew would hate this, so just who was he now?
"Wow." Garfield said, echoing my sentiments.
"You didn't tell me Tara was this well off." I said, nervously entering the building. Garfield shook his head.
"She's not." he replied. I felt my blood run cold. Of course. Mal had usurped my father's gang. I'd heard rumblings about the resurgence of a new gang in Jump City but I thought it was just another weak Trigon wannabe. Which, thinking about it now was exactly was Mal was. A cheap, Trigon knockoff without the power and intimidation that my father commanded.
"I think I know how they're paying for this." I said grimly. Garfield seemed to understand what I meant and gave me a solemn nod.
"I'm sorry Rae."
"Don't be; I'm not apart of that world anymore and it doesn't matter to me." I replied, ignoring his use of that horrendous nickname. Garfield smiled and nodded.
"Shall we?" he said, offering me his arm. This was it. There was no going back to repressing my feelings on Mal after this. Now was the time I finally confronted how I'd felt for years and instead of backing out, I decided to jump right into the abyss.
"We shall." I replied, linking his arm with mine.
[[ Garfield ]]
This place was super fancy. I knew Tara was into fancy stuff but I didn't know she was this into it. I felt a pang of jealous hit me as I realized I never would have been able to provide this for Tara. It would take me years to pay off my student loans and my job definitely wouldn't have been able to pay for a wedding as lavish as this. Rachel gripped tighter on to my arm, as if she could tell what I was thinking.
"Hey. Don't worry about it." she said softly, head up as we made our way through the foyer. I felt the nervousness in the pit of my stomach fade away as Rachel gripped tighter and tighter. We could do this. I wasn't even just saying that to make myself feel better, I genuinely felt that we would get through this.
"This isn't so bad so far." I whispered. Rachel glanced up at me.
"Why are you whispering?" she replied. I smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, for a second it felt like we were infiltrating some top secret affair. I kinda feel like we're in a Bond movie, to be honest." Rachel smirked.
"It kind of does feel like that, doesn't it?" she said, locking eyes with mine. I gave her a broad smile.
"So you do get movie references."
"I'm not Amish, Garfield, I watch movies too." she replied, rolling her eyes. Before I could respond and older man in a stiff tux approached us, a clipboard in his hands.
"Pardon me sir, but may I have your names? I need to make sure that you are actually on the invitation list." he said. I gulped. I wasn't too well versed in wedding stuff but I did know you usually have to RSVP to these things. I was praying Tara put my name on the list anyway.
"Logan. Garfield Logan. And this is my plus one, Rachel Roth." I said confidently, squeezing Rachel's arm. If she was nervous, she didn't give any indication of it. The man seemed to scan the list for a few moments before shaking his head.
"I'm sorry sir, I do not see your name on the list. I'm going to have to ask you to-"
"Gar?" A voice said, interrupting the man.
Well, if it wasn't the woman of the hour.
{{ Rachel }}
I could see why both Garfield and Mal were enamored with this girl. She looked like a goddamn model. Tall, bleached blonde hair that almost seemed to be natural, thin figure, high bone structure. This girl had it all. Physically at least. She could be a huge jerkwad for all I know. Oh great, now I'm using that word too.
"You know this man?" the older gentleman asked. Tara nodded enthusiastically and for a second I wondered what kind of sick freak would actually be excited to see their ex at their own wedding. I made a mental note to ask for Kori's opinion on the matter.
"Tara. This is my…girlfriend, Rachel." Garfield said, his voice biting. Girlfriend. Somehow, I didn't feel upset at him telling Tara that. I actually felt…happy. Strange.
"Pleasure to meet you." I said, my voice smooth and collected. If Tara was upset, she didn't show it. Instead, she offered me her hand and gave me a huge smile.
"You too! Any friend of Gar's is a friend of mine." She said. I wonder if she demoted me to friend on purpose. If so, I was both pleased and insulted.
"Soooo…nice wedding you've got here." Garfield said awkwardly. Tara smiled once again and shrugged her shoulders.
"Mal insisted. I would have been happy to get married in a courtroom, just as long as I'm with him." she replied. I almost gagged. What a canned, cheesy response. I looked up at Garfield and could just tell he was thinking the same thing as me.
"Right, well, you must be busy and all so I suppose we'll see you later in the evening." I interjected, holding tightly onto Garfield, as if I was afraid that she would snatch it all away in a second. For a moment, Tara's smile seemed to falter before resuming it's weird cheeriness.
"Of course! Don't you go avoiding me all night, Gar!" she replied before leaving us.
"Is it just me or was that- "
"Incredibly awkward, oh my god." Garfield said, finishing my sentence. I laughed quietly before glancing up at Garfield. He seemed to be more relaxed than before, almost as if the award encounter had inspired confidence in him.
"We should get going to a table. Wouldn't want to miss the first dance, after all." I said, leading him to the main reception hall. Together, we made our way to a surprisingly empty table and took a seat. I needed a minute to process my surroundings.
"So, what are you thinking?" Garfield asked, tapping his fingers against the table.
"I'm thinking that this is way too extravagant for the Mal I knew." I said, a hint of bitterness in my voice. It was hard not to be jealous. Obviously, I'm not the type of person who enjoys big affairs or lavish parties but this was supposed to be my future, not Tara's. I was supposed to be the one walking down the aisle, cutting the first slice of cake with Mal and dancing with him to some cheesy love song that we both said we hated but secretly loved. But instead, I was sitting here with Garfield Logan talking about how bitter I was. Somehow, that seemed a bit unhealthy. I had to let this go, one way or another. I needed closure.
"Agreed. Not like I know the guy but I'm guessing a former gang member doesn't normally have taste like this. I mean for god's sake there are doilies everywhere, Rachel. Doilies." Garfield said. I snorted. Gross. He must be trying to make me feel better. Useless really, there was nothing that could stop my nervousness from growing.
"How are you holding up?" Garfield asked as I nervously played with the bracelet around my wrist. Darn. I'm usually pretty good at covering up my nervousness, but Garfield surprised me yet again.
"Truthfully, I'm pretty upset." I said, sighing. Garfield's eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me with concern. Great, as if I didn't already feel comfortable. I hated when people looked at me like that. It made me feel like some helpless child who needed to be pitied and I didn't need pity, especially not his.
"Everything's gonna be fine. We're gonna find Mal and he's gonna realize exactly what he's missing out on." Garfield replied earnestly.
Okay. I'm not one for sentimentality but even I could admit that was sweet.
"Well, speak of the devil." I muttered as I saw -him-.
He looked just a handsome as the day he left. His blonde, almost white hair was perfectly coifed and he tux seemed to be tailored specifically for him. His face was calm and relaxed and he actually looked…happy. That really pissed me off. How is it fair that not only is my ex still gorgeous, but actually happy?
"That's Mal?" Garfield asked, a hint of jealously and nervousness in his voice. Tara and Mal's courtship finally made sense; two incredibly beautiful beings are bound to hook up at some point, after all. I nodded, unable to find the right words to say to Garfield. Do I tell him how seeing Mal made me miss him so much more? That this was turning out to be a horrible idea and we just wasted a perfectly good Friday night? It didn't matter anyway as Mal suddenly approached the table before I could respond. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Yesterday's me was such an idiot; how could I have ever thought I could handle this?
"Rachel…it's been a long time, hasn't it?"
[[ Garfield ]]
I've never wanted to sock another human being in the face as much as I did now. Because on top of being unfairly handsome and rich, Mal also managed to hook up with not one, but two of the only women I've ever felt anything for in my entire life. Yeah, I said it. I can't lie to myself and act like I didn't feel anything for Rachel because I totally did. Can you blame me? She was smart, determined and hot as hell. I think you'd have to be an idiot not to fall for Rachel Roth.
"Mal, how wonderful it is to see you." Rachel said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Mal only grinned and nodded his head. How he could stay so calm was beyond me. If that were me, I'd be on my knees begging for forgiveness.
"I get it; I'm probably not your favorite person right now." Mal replied.
"That's a bit of an understatement, Fiori." Rachel replied dryly. Mal winced before deciding to respond.
"I have to admit, I knew you'd upset, but I wasn't expecting you to be this cold."
"Then I guess you really don't know me." Rachel replied. Hell yeah, this was the kind of discourse I came here for! Mal let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed his forehead.
"Listen, can we talk? In private perhaps?" he said, glancing at me as if I were an obstacle in his way. Rachel glanced at me. A part of me was desperately hoping she wouldn't go off with him, that she'd stay here with me and we'd spend the rest of the night making fun of the ridiculousness of this whole situation. But another part of me also knew that I'd leave too if that was Tara. So I gave her a small nod, as if to give her my blessing. Rachel then sighed and looked back up at Mal.
"This better be worth my time." she said flatly, rising up from the table. She glanced at me one more time before following Mal through the crowd and disappearing from my line of sight. Man, tonight was turning out to be a real bummer.
"Hello there, Gar. I think we have some stuff we should probably talk about, don't you agree?" A familiar voice said. I turned around and saw Tara, all dolled up in her (probably) very expensive wedding gown. She looked like a dream and I felt like an idiot. Sighing, I nodded. It's not like I had anything better to anyway.
"Sure, this night already sucks enough as it is." I replied, defeated. Tara looked irritated for a moment before ushering me to follow her. Weird; I think if I were in her position, getting married to the supposed love of my life, I'd want to spend time with my new spouse instead of my jaded ex. But maybe that's just me. We made our way to the bridal suite, basically a large, nicely decorated room overlooking the dance floor. Once inside the room, Tara looked at me and let out a huge sigh.
"I guess, the first thing I should say is, I'm so sorry Gar. I did terrible things to you." Tara said, her voice full of guilt.
"No shit." I replied flatly. Tara winced and shook her head.
"I wanted to explain why I did what I did, Gar. So I'd appreciate it if you just sat down and listened to me for just a minute. Please?" Tara asked, her eyes pleading with me. I didn't really know what she could say. Nothing she said would ever let me forgive her, so what was hoping on achieving through this? Feeling like slightly less of an asshole? Reopening old wounds?
"Fine. Start talking."
{{ Rachel }}
I'm going to be honest, being alone in a dark study with Mal in the middle a wedding was probably a fantasy of mine when I was 19. But now, it was more like a nightmare. I had no idea what Mal felt he needed to say; what else can you say to someone you abandoned? I looked at Mal as he shut the doors and felt anger bubbling inside me. I hated how he had this effect on me. It wasn't fair that he could sit there and remain calm but I couldn't even look at him without feeling like I was dying inside.
"What do you need to say to me that couldn't have been said at that table, Mal." I asked, eager to get this chat over with. My former boyfriend looked at me and frowned. I knew that look. That was the look he used to give me when he knew I was upset with him. That was the look he used when actually felt sorry.
"Rachel, I want to apologize for the way I behaved. I should never have broke up with you the way I did. That was cruel, even for me." This came as a shock. The Mal I had dated was stubborn, always unable to admit when he was wrong. This…this felt strange.
"I'm sorry, what? Am I hearing things?" I asked, incredulous.
"I was a monumental douchebag. A child, really."
"You weren't a child Mal, you were 23 dammit, old enough to know better. You broke my heart." I said angrily. I had been dreaming for this moment for years. When Mal left, he didn't give me the opportunity to let my emotions out, he just walked out the door with his things, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my shattered life by myself.
"I know Rachel. That has been one of the greatest regrets of my life. I think about that moment all the time. How hurt you looked. How I didn't feel anything when I did it. But the older I've gotten, the more I've experienced and…I realized I was a dick to you. I never treated you right, especially when I ended things with you. All I've wanted for a while now was a chance to apologize to you." Mal said. While he sounded sincere, I couldn't help but get angry.
"There was nothing to stop you from apologizing to me all these years, Mal. My number hasn't changed, my email is public knowledge. Do not sit up there and throw yourself a pity party because you could have apologized to me at any point over the last eight years." I hissed at him, tears welling up in my eyes. Mal nodded, as if he had expected that response. God, it pissed me off how calm he was acting.
"You're right. I did have multiple opportunities to apologize I just…I felt like seeing you again would bring up memories of how shitty of a person I was back then. I'm sure you know what I mean." Mal said. I hated that I knew what he meant. I hated that I felt the same way too.
"Why did you leave me like that, Mal? I loved you so much. I gave pieces of myself to you that I'll never get back." I asked quietly, my voice cracking.
"Honestly, I don't know. I was feeling trapped and your dad's arrest just amplified that feeling. I just needed to get out of there." That statement hurt almost as much as him leaving me.
"Why didn't you say anything? We could have worked things out…" Mal shook his head.
"I was stupid back then, Rachel but be honest with yourself; we couldn't have worked things out. Us being together, it was unhealthy. All we did was encourage the worst in each other." Somehow, he was right. I loved Mal as much as I could possibly love another human being but we always managed to bring out our most self destructive behaviors in each other. We were consistently self sabotaging, even I can see that through my nostalgia. Which was why it pained to say what I said next.
"You're right. We weren't made for each other." I admitted. Suddenly, everything hurt less. My heart stopped hurting, my blood stopped boiling and my head cleared up. This was what closure felt like. It wasn't yelling until there was no longer any air left in my lungs. It wasn't fighting with Mal about what if's. It was about accepting that what happened, happened and there was nothing I could have ever done to change the outcome. Mal let out a relieved smile and nodded.
"Thank you Rachel. All I've wanted is your forgiveness, and to be friends again." I shook my head. I may have accepted what Mal had done, but there was no way we could ever be friends again.
"I can forgive you for what you've done but I can't be your friend, I'm sorry. I just…can't look at you the way I used to. What you did hurt me, for years. It still stings a little. So I can forgive you for what you've done but you have to face the repercussions, Mal; we will never be friends again." I replied. That felt…good. If I had asked myself eight years ago what to do in this situation, 20 year old me would have jumped at the opportunity to be with Mal again. She would have done anything to be reunited with him. But 28 year old me realized she didn't need him. She no longer felt tethered to the pain and heartache he had caused her. I guess that's what self growth truly was. Suddenly I realized that I didn't have to let this prevent me from opening up to people anymore. I could acknowledge my feelings…feelings for people like Garfield. All this time I had spent denying to myself that I felt anything for him. But that was a lie. Every time I looked at him I felt an overwhelming joy, a joy that I had not felt in a long time. And I wanted to keep feeling that joy.
Mal frowned but nodded nonetheless.
"I figured you would say something along those lines. I don't blame you, Rachel." Mal said, sincerity in his voice. I gave him a small smile.
"Perhaps we'll see each other again, one day." I replied simply, exiting the room before he had a chance to reply. I knew we never would. Free from the pain of my past, I rushed down the hallway, one goal in mind: to tell Garfield how I felt.
[[ Garfield ]]
"Let me get this straight…you didn't just drunkenly cheat on me. You were…you were having an affair with Mal?" I asked, anger rising in my voice. This night just kept getting worse and worse. Tara had hit me with the bombshell that she didn't just hook up with a couple guys while she was drunk. She had a straight up affair with Rachel's former boyfriend. Great! Yet another reason to hate the guy.
"Garfield, I am so sorry. Mal didn't know about you and once he found out…he told me I had to tell you." Tara said, tears forming in her eyes. I was having a hard time feeling sorry for her.
"Why'd you do it, Tara?" I asked quietly. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to know but some masochistic part of me insisted that I ask.
"I felt bored, to be blunt. I loved you but I felt like I was missing out. Mal was…is everything you aren't. I mean, Gar, dating you was like dating myself."
"Oh yeah, that really makes it hurt less." I replied sarcastically. Tara bit her lip and looked up at me, sincere pain in her eyes.
"Garfield, I loved you. I think some part of me will always love you. I never wanted to hurt you and I regret causing you that kind of pain every single day of my life but we weren't meant to be together. I think we both knew that." Tara replied, her voice overcome by emotion. I didn't want to admit that she was right. I didn't want to admit that I had been feeling the same way because at least I had the decency not to cheat on her.
"So did you just invite me here to make yourself feel better? Because I gotta say, I'm not a fan." I lashed out.
"It was a last ditch attempt to apologize to you. I know you like the back of my hand Gar, I knew you would come here and try to make me jealous. And you succeeded so, congratulations." Not going to lie, that made the betrayal sting a little less.
"So, I finally did something right." I muttered under my breath.
"You never did anything wrong, Gar. As much as it hurt for me to see you with a new girl, I realize that it was unfair of me to feel that way, especially after everything I did to you." Tara explained. I felt myself softening up. Victor always said I forgave people way too easily but I felt like this was okay. It hurts like hell to get cheated on and I can't lie and say I'm not still upset by everything that happened. But Tara, even though I hate to admit this, is right. If I really think about it, I probably would have done the same thing to her if we had stayed in that relationship any longer. Now that I was looking back without the rose tinted glasses, I could see that our relationship wasn't as perfect as I had thought.
"I guess…I guess I forgive you Tara." I sighed. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It wouldn't fix everything I felt but it sure helped move along the process. Tara looked at me, a wide smile plastered across her face and I felt my heart flutter. Dear God, help me. We looked at each for a little while longer before she finally leaned in and kissed me. And…
It felt wrong. It felt nothing like it did when we were dating. I felt dirty and gross and judging by how quickly Tara pulled away, I could tell she felt it too.
"That was…"
"Weird. I'm sorry. I thought that would make things easier to process but it just made things weirder." Tara replied, echoing my thoughts exactly. I glanced awkwardly at the clock on the wall and frowned. It was strange how someone I loved could feel like such a stranger now.
"Gar…I think you should get back to Rachel." Tara said quietly. Rachel…she was right. There was no one else on Earth I needed to be with right now more than Rachel.
Okay, so that's a little overdramatic but the sentiment still stood; I really wanted to be with Rachel.
"You're right. Later, Tara." I replied, looking back one more time before I made my way out of the bridal suite. I didn't know where Rachel was but there was no way she could still be talking to Mal. Suddenly, I felt my phone buzz and I quickly glanced at the sender. Rachel. Eager to meet up with her, I opened up the message.
Have fun with Tara.